#transfemhelp

Have fun!!!

There’s no wrong way to be feminine. I’m going to give you all the knowledge I can, and it’s up to you if that’s the kind of girl you want to be. Femininity is a buffet menu, my dear; try what sounds good, leave what doesn’t - and if you decide something isn’t for you, you can always try something different. So the most important guideline I have for you isn’t how to layer your clothes or conquer the smokey eye. It’s that beauty should be fun. It should make you feel good. If it doesn’t, stop. You don’t have to make yourself miserable in the name of femininity. That’s the opposite of what beauty should be.

It’s the opposite of what life should be.

xoxo,

Try everything. When a new technique comes up, try it. When a new look comes into play, try it. Try ombre lips and purple blush and straight bangs. Play with colors you never think you’ll wear, just for the sake of doing it. Get your hands in as many things as you possibly can, and if you hate it then at least you explored it. “Beauty is pain” is far outdated, my dear. Beauty should be fun. It should make you feel good. The same thing every day, with minimal variation, gets dreadful sometimes. To start, switch up your eyeshadow colors even just slightly. Use ones from the same palette, even. Use a different lipstick, put your eyeshadow in a new format. But please, please, please never say never. You don’t have to be “courageous enough” do Do The Thing. Don’t limit yourself by saying “I could never contour” or “I don’t have the courage to wear that.” You have courage to wake up every single day to face this hateful, selfish world; you might as well do it feeling fabulous. “I’m not good at contouring” isn’t an excuse either, my dear. The only way to get good is to practice, practice, practice. You’re not gonna fly through a cut crease the first time you try it, and that’s how we learn. It’s just makeup and it’s just hair. Wear blue eyeshadow and ugly nail polish. Get a bob cut and wish you hadn’t. The awkward middle school phase has no age limits, my love; it’s all part of figuring out who you are, right now, as a woman. Just don’t limit yourself to your comfort zone, my love.

- Mod Kaye

If you’re interested in helping, learning, or just want a place to chat about all things transfem, you can head to our ask page off anon and leave a short explanation of why you want to join and we’ll answer privately!! 

1. You're never going to see yourself as beautiful if you tell yourself that you don't 

 2. You're gorgeous if you think you are, and you're gorgeous if you think you aren't 

 3. You don't have to be pretty or feel pretty to love yourself. You don't have to be pretty. It's okay to not like some parts of your body, as long as you accept them as lovely pieces of yourself and aren't tearing yourself down because of them 

 4. Seriously though you're gorgeous 

 5. Your body hears everything your mind says, my love. Try to make sure some of them are kind. 

 6. I understand that it's hard to see yourself as pretty. That's okay, lovebug; honestly you don't have to. What you do have to do is work on loving yourself so hard that the reason you don't see beauty is because it isn't important to you - because you're beautiful, but beauty doesn't define you. Beauty is not a standard by which you must be measured. The reason I bring it up is because a) I acknowledge beauty everywhere I see it, and b) your beauty is the only piece of you I can see. 

 7. If you want to believe that you're pretty, you first have to say it out loud, through text, and in your head. Every time you see yourself, say "I'm beautiful" The way I did it is I literally woke up one day and decided I was pretty, but it took years to get there. Hopefully you don't judge yourself based on your beauty as you see it. 

 8. If you can’t see beauty in yourself, try to speak of the beauty in everything else. Tell the barista how awesome his tattoo is, compliment the librarian’s shoes, talk to that little girl long enough to say how nice her hair looks. Speak kindly to the flowers, say hello to wildlife, and always acknowledge beauty when you see it. Pretty soon, you’ll realize that you’re part of everything, too

 9. You are worth compliments; if you don’t get them from someone else, gift them to yourself

 10. It’s okay to not love yourself immediately, not all journeys are completed overnight. You’ll get there, my dear. And I’ll be here every step of the way

Have fun!!!!

Hey loves, it’s Kaye here to say that I’ve done some soul searching and figured out that I’m agender!!! I just wanna give a huge thanks to Sofia for her support, she’s such a ray of sunshine, and to each and every one of you for reading my rambles. 

I’m so excited and relieved that I had literal tears when she changed my discord nickname to they/them, and I wanna share a collection of words with you and my younger self.

If you started questioning your gender after being exposed to other identities online, whether on tumblr or not, you’re just as valid as someone who spent years searching for words they didn’t know they didn’t have. And if you spent years searching for words you didn’t know you didn’t have, you’re no less valid than someone who knew faster than you did.

Honestly I procrastinated my gender. No, really, I did. Some feels popped up and I said “I’ll deal with this later,” and moved on. Gender is complicated and I wasn’t ready to deal with it. I don’t think anyone ever is, really. It’s not easy to sit down with data, spreadsheets, testimonies, and a journal, and say “okay, it’s time to deal with my gender.” Life doesn’t happen like that. 

It was hard for me because I realized that I have absolutely no idea what gender feels like, but I knew that every word, phrase, or definition I looked at just wasn’t "right.” And that’s okay, because at some point I thought to myself “maybe I don’t have a gender.” And in the weeks since, I’ve been forced to accept myself and carry on. 

It’s not that easy for all of you, and that’s okay too. “Easy” transitioning doesn’t validate or invalidate your identity, no more than “easy” math homework defines your studentry. I just hope that one day all of you get to love yourselves so completely that you forget what hating yourself feels like. I hope you can accept yourselves, and find your tribe - a tribe that accepts you for exactly who you are in your identity. And if you don’t have that in the outernet, you have it here with me. 

All my love,

Nude / Peach

Real Redhead by MAC

Hot Gossip by MAC

Pink

Natural Beauty by Essence

Hazy Pink Matte Lip Crayon by Ulta

Red

305 by Covergirl

Russian Red by MAC

Cruella Velvet Matte Lip Pencil by Nars

Berry

Bit of Berry by Ulta

Bold

Maybelline Color Sensational Creamy Mattes

Any saturated matte color

I use pencils (lip or eye, depending on the color) for my super-saturated colors and top with a complementary or clear gloss/lip balm

Brand / Collection

Lipstick Smoochies by Covergirl

Milani Color Statement Lipstick

NYX Slim Lip Pencil

Elf Moisturizing Lipstick

Colourpop

Kat Von D

Makeup Forever

Sephora and Ulta Collections

MAC Lipglass

Things I Don’t Use (and why)

Katy Kat Matte by Covergirl - added fragrance (but my sister loves it)

anything that says “plumping” - tingly and/or burning

MAC Retro Matte - so dry that I can’t put it on

Chapstick brand - contains alcohol and worsens chapped lips

This isn’t a complete list, and feel free to add onto it!!