.... I have a present for you (if you haven't already read it)
Seeing Red
early seasons | wincest | explicit | 2,200 words
also a teeny self-indulgent headcanon: really shitty pads are often the cheapest period product so that's what Sam grew up using, which means he's very aware of that slick, not-quite-sexual-but-close feeling of sitting in his own blood on long car rides
also he masturbates a lot on his period because they hurt and they suck and the endorphins kind of help and it's one of the only times his libido is higher than Dean's when they're teenagers.
aaaand he starts to really get off on humping his dick against the firm slipperiness of the pad when it's getting really soaked, just staying hard and edging for hours. he'll get off and they'll still be in the car for a few more hours before the next bathroom break and he starts to be conditioned to liking the feeling of being wet and hard and slimy, on and off his period
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meg notices something strange when sheās inside of sam.
sam, who is 6ā4ā and 220 pounds of muscle, who towers over everyone he meets. sam, who on the inside, is a battered and broken little girl. meg would know. sheās been a battered and broken little girl herself.
so maybe she feels a little sympathy. maybe, as she stares into hazel eyes at this massive body in the mirror, she wishes that sam would just give in to all of this. her demonic blood, her cursed existence. at least if she was a demon, she could choose her body! she could look like meg knows she wants to.
yes, thereās sympathy, but meg is a demon. so sympathy comes with a darkness, twisted and vile. she lets sam be present in her mind as she gazes at her, through her, into the mirror. she makes sam watch as she slowly unbuttons her flannel, revealing her toned chest, her defined abdomen.
āif you were like me, sammy, you could choose any body you wanted,ā meg murmurs, her voice lowered since sheās speaking from sam. āyou could even take the one i used when we met. that little blonde piece. i know you thought she was pretty. i could take this body, and you could take that one, and we could find your rightful place on the throne of hell.ā
she grins as sam constricts and fights against her. ābesides. i think queen of hell has a much nicer ring to it than king. the demons wouldnāt question you. theyād call you whatever you wanted. she, your majesty, your highness. wouldnāt that be nicer than what you get now?ā
when sam thinks of dean, meg sees what she sees. her brother, in all his glory, and what he would look like if sam said yes. āoh, sammyā¦ you think he would ever accept you?ā meg laughs, a throaty sound. sheās not used to sounding so masculine, but she doesnāt hate it at all. āi mean, the demon blood is one thing. it happened when you were a baby, and he still blames you! how do you think heāll react if you tell him youāre a girl? heās not exactly an award-winning feminist.ā
meg tuts softly, shaking her head. samās hair is shaggy and ruffles as meg moves. āheāll just think youāre an even bigger freak. hell, heād probably blame me! i mean, youāve got a girl demon inside of you. that must leave a mark, right?ā
ā
when all is said and done, when meg is exorcized from his body, sam canāt help but wonder if she was right. here he is, back to thinking of himself as a man. as a younger brother and a son. as a hunter, cursed to live this life. this life where he canāt, by any means, be a girl. he knows what dean would say.
meg was right. sam keeps his thoughts to himself. he doesnāt have time to contemplate his gender. heās suffered with this secret since he was sixteen, old enough to stare at his female classmates and wish for his body to be like theirs. he decides that heāll suffer for the rest of his life. he was born a man, and he would die a man. his secret died with jessica, with brady, with all of his stanford friends he had come out to. they were the last, and only, ones to call him āsheā.
sam will take it to the grave. he doesnāt need to give dean another reason to call him a freak.
transfem sam wincest is so insane to me because what do you mean deanās little babyboy that he adores so much is his babygirl now. he would actually lose his mind are you kidding. he shows up at stanford and sees sam in her little crop top with her new boobs from e and her long hair and her teeny tiny waist, then sam tries to GO BACK??!!!! are you kidding. that boy is NOT letting her go. what if someone is weird to herā¦. what if someone touches herā¦. the only person whoās allowed to touch her is deanā¦ā¦.
sam thinks hes being stupid and irrational and insane because sheās 6ā5 and buff as fuck but she secretly likes it š because big bro is all worked up and sheās not even trying to flirt with him
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maybe a hot take but i donāt think john would be really transphobic. would he be a perfect ally? probably not but if sam or dean came out to him heād be like āhuh? yeah okay whatever we got a demon to huntā
For 500 followers you should drop more femchesters/trans winchesters lore š
gladly <3
for reference here are some of my past posts on femchesters:
femchesters moodboard edit
femchesters headcanons
i love femchesters where sam is still a fuckin. behemoth of a woman. giant 6'5" book nerd at the bar who's so jacked she could crush your head between her thighs. played soccer before her growth spurt and spent the entirety of high school getting hounded by basketball and volleyball teams. the kind of body you have to work real hard for, and i absolutely headcanon her as being pretty flat chested too. only wears sports bras or crop tops and even then only on hunts, she doesn't bother when it's just them and they're driving or in the bunker. missy peregrym in stick it is my headcanon for sam, hands down.
deanna's a bit bigger in the bust and softer in terms of muscle mass - there's not any kind of abs showing on her since it's harder for ladies to get that kind of muscle tone. deanna is strong thick - she gets mistaken for a farm girl a lot, with her arms and shoulders. i live for mullet deanna. it's not intentional she's just shit at remembering to maintain it. i live for sharpie nails, no makeup except for like fifteen lipsticks rattling around in the glovebox, still the most gorgeous woman you've ever seen deanna. cutoff jean shorts and practical boots with lingerie underneath because she likes to feel pretty deanna. i don't have a perfect deanna in terms of fancasting, but juliette lewis in yellowjackets with darker hair would be close.
and on transchesters:
t4t sam and deanna
sam/deanna/benny posting
brand-new, a trans dean fic
trans dean fisting post
ok but very seriously i can see dean as trans femme or trans masc, though i lean trans femme for him because he's very...performative, with his masculinity, in a way that i very much relate to as a trans person. sam i can only see as trans masc because of many reasons that i've gone into before, but dean is a lot more flexible for me in terms of headcanons because his portrayal in the show could very easily lean either way depending on what you give weight to.
i bequeath to y'all some snippets of t4t sam and deanna because this isn't really a fic with a coherent arc or plot as such, but it is some writing!
Deanna only grows her hair out once.
Later, after sheās shorn it short again in the same style sheās had since she was a boy, sheāll tell herself itās for tactical reasons. Better to keep it short, to give the monsters less to grab hold of, and she knows she can still pass just fine with her bone structure. Her tits might be small still but sheās always been pretty.
She doesnāt let herself think about the way Dadās eyes had softened when theyād met up for the werewolf hunt. Doesnāt let herself think about the way heād gotten drunk after, sloppy like he usually doesn't, and fumblingly told her how much she looked like Mary with her hair long like that. How she had always resembled her, but now that she was a woman ā
Stop.Ā
Does not let herself think about the way heād leaned in. The way his breath had smelled like bourbon. The way heād tried to angle her face with his hands, big and calloused, and the way sheād flinched from him, heart in her mouth. How sheād slept in the Impala that night, left him to sleep off the booze by himself in their double room while she white-knuckled her way through the worst night sheād had since Sam had left for Stanford with his new name and new pronouns in tow. She wishes heād told her sooner so she could have learned about her own hidden self with him, so they could have shared in the strange joy of second puberties together, another secret unique to the two of them to close them off further from the world.Ā
Yeah, actually, maybe thatās why he didnāt tell her.
The point is ā Dad hadnāt said anything about it the next day, so it might as well not have happened. She doesnāt have to think about it. And if Dad had suggested hunting separately again over lunch, eyes bloodshot and hair greasy, then that was just fine. She was capable. She could handle herself. She had, hadnāt she? Sheād pushed him away. Left his ass to brine in his drunk sweat.Ā
She just ā wishes she hadnāt had to.
*
Sam doesnāt particularly want to run any more credit card scams. He really doesnāt. It feels wrong when heās studying for the LSATs, like heās taking two steps forward and one back.
He doesnāt have great insurance, though, and he needs hormones. Top surgery. Gender marker changes and legal name changes, because credit cards are one thing but heās not forging documentation. So, whatever. He gets his fake cards and he pays on an installment plan, gets cash advances and dimples at the staff who process the payments, implies the hell out of a rich sugar daddy taking care of his medical costs.
He came to California for Stanford, but the relative ease of transitioning was definitely a factor.
Heās never been more grateful for his height than his third year. Studying through the surgery recovery was hard, but Jess had been happy to help take care of him, and heās partway through a group project when he realizes heās passing. Not just passing, but stealth, because one of his group mates makes a comment about how itās not like he knows how bad cramps can get and it dawns on him that they donāt know.
Itās weird. He doesnāt know how to feel about it.
Bradyās the one who takes him shopping for new clothes. It feels weird to abandon the flannels and band tees, but theyāre all too small and shaped for a body he no longer has. He doesnāt have the money for the new stuff, not really, but Brady does. So he accepts the patterned button up shirts and the fashion advice gratefully and learns to be comfortable in colors.
He wants to call Dean a lot. More than he expected, which was ā yeah, a lot. Heās never been ignorant of how co-dependent they are. They got more than their fair share of jokes about it. Flowers in the Attic. Are you sure youāre from Kansas? You act like youāre from Alabama. Dumb shit that still hit a little too close to home for him.Ā
Every so often, he gets a text from a new unknown number. Usually itās just a question mark. He used to just respond with āTulsaā, their code for āokayā, but heās been sending back other stuff too lately. What song heās listening to, what he ate for lunch. Little things. Bits of his life. When he left heād done damage to their relationship, and he knows that, but he misses Dean so badly sometimes. And itās selfish, maybe, to get out of hunting and still want to have Dean in some way, to give him an invitation to share in Samās new life, but heās never been a saint.Ā
