#transamorousnetwork

Please Don’t Cut Off Your Penis!

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi,

I am a late transitioning trans woman. Before my GRS I was dating a tranny chaser who constantly verbally abused me for wanting to get GRS. He would scream at me to not get my penis removed. When I woke up from GRS, he was gone. That was early August 2020.

In January 2021, I met my current boyfriend. He was specifically interested in feminine, traditionally minded women – cis or trans – didn’t matter. We have been living together for several months now and he is nothing but wonderful to me. Great guys who don’t care whether or not you are trans do exist.

Somewhere In the US

Hi There Somewhere,

Isn’t it great when, when you get what you don’t want, it creates a strong desire in you for what you do want….and then, when you tell stories that match what you do want, you get that?

I think it’s great there are guys in the world who “don’t care whether or not you are trans”, just as there are guys out there who want a woman with a penis…and everything in between.

I’m sure you get a TON of validation from your current guy, right? Sure sounds like it. That’s so great.

If I were you, I’d stop telling the story of what happened in August 2020. Why repeatedly share something you didn’t enjoy? Then, I’d never stop telling the entire world about the guy you currently live with. That way, you’ll feel wonderful AND get more things you want.

By the way, using the phrase “tranny chaser” equates to calling a transgender woman “tranny”. Transgender women don’t like being called tranny. Trans-attracted Men struggling to find what they want in a partner struggle even more when those they find attractive describe them as “tranny chasers”. And if you think about it, that phrase denigrates you at the same time it denigrates him.

You probably know that, but likely think describing that guy that way makes sense because of how he treated you. But that phrase tells a story you really want to let go of…if you want a life you’ll love.

A match for everyone exists. No exceptions. Often, people find their match by “kissing a lot of frogs”. Every relationship though represents a stepping stone toward the one relationship everyone wants, the only relationship that matters, really. That relationship: the one each person has with themself.

Just as you got what you want, that guy from August 2020 will eventually get what he wants once he tells stories matching that.

Happy outcomes feel great. Enjoy the boyfriend you live with. Forget those who came before.

Why Trans And Trans-Attracted People Are So Scary

It’s not about us. It’s about them.

The world is a scary place for most people. Even those who think they’re not scared, are. If they’re not scared of life, they’re scared of their own death. Which makes them afraid to take what they perceive are big risks. Like following their passions or living authentically.

This also explains why people express conservative views. There’s a fear underlying trying to keep things the way they are. Or keeping things the same or stable. Or the way things used to be. 

So when a transgender person or a trans-attracted person shows up, that person threatens stability conservative people create in order to feel safe. Furthermore even transgender people can express conservatism. Especially in relationships. Many are unwilling to expand their understanding of trans-attracted men beyond what they think they know about us.

A person who feels they’re progressive can also slip into conservative thinking if presented with something too progressive, for example. Especially if that thing presented has an impact on the person’s view of themselves. Especially if their self-view depends on how others view them. Particularly when “others” means one’s own peer group. This especially holds true for “oppressed” groups and their members.

Black power masking weakness

I once attended a Clubhouse conversation on racism, hosted by a prominent black activist. This prominent person enjoyed notoriety among black people. Especially so on this social platform. Not long into the conversation, another person of color spoke. He said he didn’t think racism was a real thing. He described how, instead, racist views represented a moral injury. “Racists” in his view were morally-injured people. Their injuries sustained from within their families of origin.

When I agreed aloud, the momentum was too much for the prominent activist. She signed off of the conversation. Before doing so she expressed discomfort over the conversation’s direction.

The activist went “conservative” on matters of race and blackness. For her, shibboleths had been violated. She couldn’t bear hearing our perspective. One held by people who looked like her.

Often power masks insecurity, weakness and intolerance. It doesn’t matter if that power is borne from experiencing oppression. It’s a shaky power that crumbles in the face of a divergent opinion. Especially if that power can’t welcome and embrace new ideas. Particularly ideas that may be disagreeable.

Nearly everyone is susceptible to expressing conservative thinking. Especially when it comes to their opinions about life. No one is immune. Not even transgender people. Or trans-attracted people.

We represent possibility

Meanwhile, transgender and trans-attracted people exemplify an expansion of human consciousness. That expansion sometimes even threatens transgender and trans-attracted people! Yes, the same people expressing the expansion!

That’s the divine paradox of human expansion. In all cases, those exemplifying the expansion do it, primarily, for themselves. Which explains why so many trans-attracted men AND TRANSGENDER WOMEN struggle accepting they are trans-attracted or transgender. The story is the same for both groups. Both are learning self-acceptance while offering the same lessons to those around them.

^^The possibility of expansion is a gift we give ourselves…if we’re willing to accept it.

For non-binary people it’s the same. 

We all came to the world to choose freely. We came to create our world and the world around us in our image. Meaning, according to our unique perspective. We came to live our way. Not to regurgitate ways others already explored and express. We are All That Is seeing new and diverse freedoms that push outward our self-imposed boundaries.

And in doing that we help All That Is become more and human expression to evolve in line with that. 

Radical self-acceptance is divinity expressed

And in doing THAT we confront those who struggle with their own, personal expansionism. More so for those stuck in lack-of-self-acceptance. Or worse, those trying to create the past out of fear and insecurity of a future that threatens a rigid belief system.

The glorious thing about being WHO we are is the inherent glory of WHAT we are: expression of creativity, moving, living examples of what’s possible for ourselves and for others. It can be hard accepting that others resist what we are. It doesn’t have to be though.

That resistance can be scary for some. But it needn’t be scary either. The answer to the fear is not legislation, or coercing or forcing others to accept us. The answer lies in radical self-acceptance. Then one emanates then attracts acceptance from others. It doesn’t happen overnight. But it will happen, guaranteed.

Some in our community think the world around them objectively presents challenges separate from what’s happening within them. That’s never the case. The outside world is a reflection of one’s inner condition. Figure that out and the world becomes our oyster. Then, everything is possible.

Those who don’t understand this think I blame people for their experiences. Such an expression only shows how little such people understand how the world works and what and who they are.

Good Luck Finding Love If You Don’t Love Yourself

The trick to finding the love you want, whether trans or trans-attracted, is first loving yourself. Doing that is easier said than done though.

That’s because so many of us loathe ourselves. That loathing happens sometimes even when we think we accept who we are. In other words, it’s easy fooling one’s self into believing they love themselves when, really, they don’t.

Figuring this out as a trans-attracted man is simple. Clues show up readily. Hiding our trans-attraction or feeling shame about it is a clue. Too embarrassed to be seen out with a transgender woman? That person doesn’t love themself. Afraid of co-workers or friends finding out? That’s another clue.

Transgender women have easy-to-see clues too. But such people are less willing to acknowledge the obvious. Refusing to be seen as trans? There’s a clue. Trying to pass or go stealth? That’s a clue too. Hating your penis? There’s another.

If someone reading this is transgender, “hating your penis” could be triggering. Let’s flesh that out.

Just because someone prefers and seeks out a different bottom configuration doesn’t mean they must HATE or feel revulsion over what’s currently there. Hate and revulsion both are strong emotions. When a transgender person hates their body, and for the time being, the penis is part of the body, it’s likely other parts – shoulders, hand size – meet with similar ire.

It’s why many transgender women adorn their bodies with tattoos. Tatoos are like make up for such people. They conceal aspects the tattoo bearer can’t accept.

Lack of acceptance is lack of self love. Unless we love ALL that we are, love eludes us. Or, the kind of love that shows up, reflects our own lack of acceptance of what and who we are.

Finding the easy path to love

We all can find ourselves in love with ourselves. And, it can happen fast and easy. Acceptance is the first step.

Self acceptance means realizing one wants to change parts of who we are, but not being reviled by that thing we want changed. It’s being ok with it being there….for now. Acceptance begins the path to loving ourselves.

In acceptance we’re comfortable in our own company. We don’t need another there for that moment to be ok. Sometimes we might feel negative about some aspect of ourselves, but we quickly talk ourselves out of those negative stories. We use negative feelings as indicators for immediate action, then use them to our advantage to practice self acceptance.

Self love means genuinely loving and enjoying one’s own company as we are. In self love, another’s company is a nice-to-have. Not a must-have. Even among cis people, however, self love is rare.

A higher level is UNCONDITIONAL self-love. That means loving every aspect of one’s self with no conditions dislodging us from that state. That means accepting one has a penis and enjoying it being there, even while knowing one day it may not be. It means accepting one is trans and finding all aspects of that existence enjoyable, freeing and empowering. It means accepting and not caring that people think we’re gay for finding transgender women attractive. And it means knowing our trans-attraction is wholesome, good and appreciation-worthy no matter what others say.

Unconditional self-love can be a stretch for most people. For some, just plain self-love can try our self-image. For most, attaining acceptance is easier.

^^It feels impossible to love parts of us we don’t love or even hate. But it’s easier loving those parts of us than we think. (Photo by De’Andre Bush on Unsplash)

Why loving self must come first

The problem with trying to find love in a relationship is, if we either stand in lack of self acceptance (at least) or lack of self-love, the odds are very high the people we meet will be in similar places. And relationships between two such people are recipes for problems.

That’s because two people unwilling to accept or love themselves will make their relationship and their partner responsible for their problems. They’ll also make that person responsible for how they feel. Both parties therefore show up needy, whiny and negative. They pick on the other person regularly and anger easily. Such people complain a lot. And, because they blame others for their problems, they feel no agency in making themselves happy.

No wonder so many people think a relationship will make them happy. Most people don’t accept who and what they are. Let alone love who and what they are. The other problem is…IT’S NOT THE PURPOSE OF A RELATIONSHIP TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.

Relationships aren’t meant to make anyone happy. Our happiness is OUR JOB. Ideally, relationships comprise two WHOLE people. They create a relationship from which something larger than either person brings as individuals or as a couple.

Two people coming together who don’t accept or love themselves can’t build something larger than who they are. That’s because neither is brings a whole, authentic person to the relationship. So instead of two whole people making something bigger, you have two incomplete people squabbling and creating all kinds of drama.

Which is why so few relationships last. And why so few trans or trans-attracted people find lasting love. Or love period.

The easiest place to find love

The key to finding love is to find it first in ourselves. Do that first and we can’t help but eventually find love “out there”. When we love ourself, we become matches to the love we seek. Seeking love when we don’t love ourselves just attracts more of what we’re being.

That’s no fun.

It’s amazing so many of us live not loving ourselves. As transgender and trans-attracted people, we sometimes live in dissatisfaction, then blame the world for how we feel. Transgender people even blame being trans on someone other than themselves. But no one else made them trans. That’s a choice they made before coming into the world. Why they made that choice is a topic for another post.

The same holds for trans-attracted people. No one “makes” a person trans-attracted. That also is a choice self-made.

I know it feels impossible to accept that we own creating ourselves. None of us are accidents. We are not some random thing that went wrong. Realizing we choose our status (and everything else about our lives) offers huge rewards. The main ones being a sense of extreme empowerment, satisfaction and eventual impervious joy.

^^Love we have for ourselves means everything. Especially when it comes to getting the love we want in relationship. (Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash)

It doesn’t have to suck

Transgender women often find a smattering of that when, through surgeries, their body eventually closely matches who they know themselves to be. But as we know, some of those same trans people, even after surgeries, still don’t feel whole. Let alone feeling self acceptance, self love or unconditional love for self.

Any state of non-self-acceptance sucks. That’s because we all came here for the pleasure and joy of expressing our unbounded love to the world, then get that in return. Getting that in return first requires the ability to express it. That expression comes from accepting, loving then unconditionally loving all that we are.

Everyone can get there. And the road to that can be immensely gratifying. Fooling ourselves that we accept who we are when we actually don’t is easy. But life will always show what’s really going on behind our eyeballs, evidenced in the kinds of people and relationships we create.

Trans Women: This One Thing Creates Happy Love

A transgender woman who discovered The Transamorous Network on Medium followed our content. Then, just a couple days later, stopped following us after a brief exchange with me.

She wasn’t happy hearing she creates her reality through stories she’s telling. Instead, she wants to blame men, society…anyone other than herself.

I get it.

It’s challenging getting what I share because it requires owning the indisputable fact that everyone creates experiences in their lives. But once it clicks and a person sees how their experiences stem from their stories, it all starts making sense.

Then life gets really fun. Because the only one who can effect your life experience is you. In other words: You and only you create your world. That’s powerful knowing.

^^It’s not easy for people to accept that they create lives they experience. But no on else does it and it’s certainly not random. But once someone sees how it happens, then takes control of that, life gets really fun. (Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash)

Results a person gets on the way to getting what they’re after indicate what they believe about what they’re after. It’s great knowing that too.

Because armed with that knowledge, results help shape beliefs more aligned with what one wants. Deliberately using this process, seeing it work the way it does, makes life fun. It also makes getting what you want really easy.

Nearly all my clients come thinking they want what they want. But when we examine beliefs they have about what they want, and about other things related to that (and not related), they see how, actually, contrary their beliefs are to what they want.

Why people give up dreams

Putting it plain: everyone’s life springs from what they say, think and believe about life. No one experiences something not in accord with their beliefs. That’s accurate for finding lost keys, enjoying ideal careers, changing personal characteristics, having a political system that’s fair and just…and having love however that looks.

Nearly everyone thinks they think consistent with what they want. But I assure you if that were true, dating sites, for example, wouldn’t be a thing. The only reason so many of us humans give up on our dreams, including dream lovers, is because we don’t understand what we’re doing that squashes those dreams.

I share the below screen shots a lot. The reason why: they show to a “T” how transgender women (and trans-attracted men) squash their dream relationships:

The same mistake over and over

The transgender women in those screen shots are doubling down on “evidence” they THINK tells them it’s the world “out there” creating circumstances that frustrate, confound and annoy them. It’s the men they meet, they say, who are to blame. Or it’s some other factor beyond their control.

In reality, it’s the doubling down on those beliefs that’s the problem. That’s why transgender women who say such things feel so bad when they say them.

They keep repeating the same mistake, rolling out all the evidence they think confirms what they think is the reason they can’t meet the man. They don’t realize that the reason they can’t meet the man is because they keep focusing on all the men they’ve met who have come and gone, men who are NOT the man, men who match and reflect stories they have – about themselves, about men, generally, about these men specifically, about dating, about what they want and whether they believe getting that is possible. These beliefs keep them from getting what they want.

The same thing is happening for trans-attracted men.

^^When you know what you’re really thinking, then your life gets easy. In the “easy” life gets fun too! (Photo by Simon Migaj on Unsplash)

Be the evidence

You just can’t get what you want when you’re telling stories all the time about what you don’t want. That’s what transwomen do when they say “I’ve been online dating for XX years and have contacted XX hundred men and…blah, blah, blah.”

Life doesn’t work that way.

My own life shows how accurate “the work” is. I write about my results every week on Positively Focused and here on The Transamorous Network. My life experience contains a ton of evidence how this works.

Don’t rely on evidence I produced though. Create your own. Be the evidence you want to see.

So it’s not about being “picky” about the men you want. It’s about what you think about the men you want, what you think about the men (or transgender women) you had, what you think about YOU.

What you think about what you think you deserve says a lot. How do you feel about being trans? That matters. How do you feel about life in general? That matters too.

Each of us comes into the world ready to create whatever life would thrill us. Transpeople especially.

^^Stories that have you feeling shame about yourself aren’t stories you wanna tell. They work against everything you’re wanting. (Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash)

You already knew this

But transpeople and trans-attracted people bring something more: an extraordinary ability to influence all of humanity. Because that which humanity comes from knows “trans”, as a phenomena, is a response to humanity wanting to know more about its potential.

But that “wanting to know” and the potential both are oppressed by bogus collective beliefs humans have about life, gender and a bunch of other things. You can see this by how resistant humans are to real progress and things that confront their beliefs.

Like many people, transgender people get kinda lost. They forget what I’m sharing with you although they knew it before they “incarnated”. Then they get insecure, begin thinking they’re unworthy, and in so doing, lose their influence.

Then they end up in various states of anxiety, frustration, worry, insecurity…the list goes on.

Some don’t stick around, chosing instead to pass back into nonphysical, the place from where they came, where we all come from, through what society calls “suicide”.

That is another bogus belief because every death is chosen, making all deaths suicides. Humans find that very hard to accept too. Just as some trans people can’t accept that they chose to be trans before incarnating and that choice was a magnificent one chosen by a powerful, world-changing, eternal being.

Everyone is SUPPOSED to have EVERYTHING they want. No exceptions. No one is keeping anything from anyone.