Me as a child, noticing most of my favorite characters were men, and I wanted to play men in video games: Am I…

before I transitioned (at around age 15ish?) I had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that never really went away, that I was doing something, wrong. Any time I talked to a girl i felt a weird inherent kinship with them I didn't with guys? and always wanted to be around them. Whenever I was with just guys I didn't feel anything special, just kinda, normal. This feeling of wrongness slowly faded as I entered adolescence never really leaving me. I learned what a trans person was and said "not for me", but whenever i did hear a passing mention of transness I would grapple onto it, wanting to hear every detail I could. The kinship i felt towards girls became one i felt towards queer people, which was annoying because I wasn't queer, I felt like I was intruding in a space I didn't belong in but desperately wanted to. At the start of 2020(other than you know) I saw a tweet written by a trans woman who had come out and all of a sudden the wrongness i had suppressed from my early childhood explodes out of me in a brief jealous rage (thankfully i didn't send her any hate comments). After that things slowly snowballed until fall when i suddenly realized I was trans after accepting I was bi. The wrongness that had smoldered in the back of my mind my entire short started to go away after I accepted myself, came out to friends, and finally started hormone replacement therapy.

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