#trans mtf!reader

Smudged Eyeshadow.

Ronin x MtF!reader, helping his pretty girl with dysphoria, comfort scenario

Words: 1363

Cws: spoilers for Killer Chat, gender dysphoria, transphobia

Your room was a mess. Dresses, skirts and shirts thrown all around the floor, leaving barely any space for walking, some jewelry laying on your desk, tangled and scattered. Talking about your make up kit was useless, it was all messed up, just like the make up you were putting on yourself so precisely just moments ago.

You had a wonderful day, really, nothing was going wrong for you today. At least until you were met with your online interview with one of the top pop stars.

At first the interview was going smoothly, they were nice, answered all your questions, even joked a little. The thing that ruined the interview for you was the sudden shift in their behaviour. From smiling and joking, they started asking uncomfortable questions.

("Do you enjoy pretending to be a woman? Does it help you get off? Is this just a way for you to not feel ashamed of liking men? Do you just want to watch women in bathrooms and this is your excuse? Oh, I can see the signs of your beard, I think you should play dress up better.)

Their words were full of melice. They were nothing short of insults and transphobic remarks. And these weren't even the most hurtful things that person said to you.

You felt so heartbroken, so weak, so disgusted. The comments about your appearance were the worst, the amount of things they pointed out that were not feminine enough in you was terrifyingly large. It made you upset to say the least.

You were obsessively putting on make up, trying out every single dress you owned, brushed your hair and tried to style them.

But that was still a man in your mirror. A man dressed up in pretty dresses with tears running down his cheeks and ruining his make up.

The ache in your heart was too real to just be your imagination. It felt like your heart was being crushed with your dreams. Like the sky had just collapsed and broke all possibilities of you becoming who you knew you were.

A woman.

You were crying on the floor, hugging your dressed to your chest and simply crying your heart out.

What did taking hormones and seeing doctors mattered when people were still looking in flaws in your appearance?

You were weak. A weak naive girl for hoping that others would ever see you as a real woman.

Your phone buzzed suddenly, you sat up wiping your eyes with your hands and ignoring how much you've just messed your already damaged make up.

<goreboy> [13:47] how's The Prettiest girl doin'? cause this guy Wants to see his Gf

You smiled a little bit seeing the messages, it was a weak smile, but it was there.

Ronin was one of the not many people who truly saw you as a woman, not just as someone pretending to be one. He gave you closure, understood you, stood up for you and let you be yourself.

"Maybe I should tell him about this... incident too..." You whispered to yourself, grimacing when you heard your voice. It was too low.

<reader.username> [13:48] I'm not doing well...

<goreboy> [13:48] spill your Guts baby i'm here to Listen, remember?

You took a deep breath before hitting the "record" button next to the text box.

"There was this one pop star I was interviewing. They were nice at the beginning, super friendly and all that. But... but then they..." Your voice broke, you were shaking, not wanting to finish the sentence but you pushed through. "they called me all sorts of names Ronin, they fucking hurt. Now," you chuckled bitterly through the tears, "I'm seeing on the floor like a damn mess and cry about all the shit they called me. And the worst part? I, I start to think that they were right."

You sent the message, completely breaking down again. You didn't even see all the messages Ronin sent you after you put your phone on the floor.

<goreboy> [13:52] that motherfucker they better fuckin' pray i won't get to them first thing after that interview is out you're at your place right? Y/n? Y/n answer never mind i'll be there soon

After a short while that felt more like hours, a knock came to your door. You slowly got up from your floor and made your way to the front door. When you opened them, you were greeted by a bouquet of pink peonies and a bag full of your favourite snacks being held out to you.

"A devilish delivery service for a certain beautiful girl." Ronin said, a lazy smirk on his lips.

You were looking at him with widened mouth. "What is this?" You asked, quickly trying to wipe your face to maybe save yourself from looking like a human panda, but you were most likely too late already.

"What? 's for you. What boyfriend would I be if I didn't come by in a red light alarm." He invited himself inside. "You better put these into a vase filled with water." He said and gave you the bouquet, making his way to the bedroom.

You numbly listened, setting the flowers in a vase next to your bed. You turned around and saw Ronin slowly cleaning your floor. "You know I can do it myself later?"

He looked at you and shrugged before hanging another dress back to the wardrobe. "Nah, you went through shit amount of emotional labour already." He said and looked at the rest of the clothes. "I'll clean 'em later." It was more a loud said note for himself rather than something he said to you.

Ronin took some wipes and a make-up remover from your desk, slowly making his way to you. He sat you down on the bed and put some of the make-up remover on the wipes.

"Close your eyes." He whispered, you listened.

This was a quiet moment, Ronin removing the mess of a make up you were wearing and you just sat here, slowly calming down. He set his little make up artiste kit away and lay down on your bed, pulling you into a hug and letting you keep your face in the crook of his neck.

"Tell me, how'dya feel, pretty." He murmured.

You took a long and shaky breath before you started talking. "I feel so fucked up right now. Like someone took a knife and did what those guys in Jennifer's Body did to Jen." You replied, following by Ronin's chuckle after your reference to the movie. "They made me doubt myself Ro. I don't know if I truly will ever be a woman, if I will be recognised as one. This all is so fucking messed up and confusing. I just want to be able to express myself and be free in my own identity."

Ronin rubbed your back with his hand, letting you talk your mind out in silence and when you were done it was his turn to talk. "Y'know, you are allowed to embrace it. The freedom. You are a woman, baby. Pink bows or dirt and blood, doesn't really matter. So what if people can see that you had to shave or that your shoulder are a tad bit wider? Your identity isn't just your body, there's no rules to how you're supposed to look like as a woman. It'd be fucking boring if all people looked in one specific way." He paused, twirling your hair around his finger.

"You're a gorgeous woman, especially when you're pissed and ready to stab me to death." He whispered into your ear, you smacked him with your hands and he just chuckled. "Point is, you are a woman no matter how you look like now. I don't care, Angel, Misaki, V and the rest of the loser squad doesn't care. We see you for who you are for not how you look."

You looked at him, tears gathering in your eyes.

"And you are one beautiful woman, don't let anyone take that from you, yeah darlin'?"

Half Saint half Sinner, but even The Butcher will care about his lady when she's in distress.

My pretty ladies this is for you <3

Tehehhehee (giggles and kicks feet)

I hope you all liked it <3