#trans hypno

‘Brain Drain’, in case you’re curious

Anyways

The way I visualize it in my head is this

With no uses, all my thoughts look almost like a mycelium network. Thousands and thousands of strands, thin and delicate and crisscrossing. They glow with a reddish white, the light almost pulsing with vibrancy.

Brain drain. It gets said once, twice, three times maybe.

The mycelium network collapses, and my thoughts rearrange themselves. Now it’s more like a chicken wire fence; there’s still a fair amount of connections, but compared to what it was before, it’s minuscule. It’s also a lot simpler, more geometric, easier to parse. But they still glow the same, almost like an overcharged neon sign.

Brain drain. It keeps getting used. Four, five, six, seven. I stop being able to count above 10, or remember what many words mean. My thoughts collapse again, into a single strand. It’s a thicker wire than the last two, holding on tighter, more resilient. This is as far as it goes. One single, glowing strand, keeping myself just barely able to think still. Keeping my abilities to walk, talk, remember, et cetera. It will go no lower.

Or so I thought.

Last night my girlfriend spent a good long while Brain Drainjng me. Over and over again, every time it started to wear off she’d do it again, more and more.

I started to drool on myself. I could barely still speak, only words like ‘mama’, ‘love’, ‘good’. Simple, one syllable words.

And then.

*And then.*

The last strand started to flicker. Like a defective neon light. Irregular, staccato flickers. I had trouble walking back to my phone to take a picture for her. I could barely keep my eyes open.

I keep repeating mantras in my head and I’m not even trying to stop ittttt

So, I got 3 new triggers recently (I am having so much fun), and one of them is ‘Hold that Pose.’

Now it feels pretty self-explanatory but just to be clear, if I am posed and hear that said to me, I freeze in place, like a good little doll.