#trans almighty

like if there’s a common unifying characteristic of trans/nonbinaryness, it really might truly be that bone deep shiver of brilliance, of discovery, that comes with a gender echoing back at you, that settling into yourself with a soft ‘aha !’ ping that runs gentle down your heartstrings. it’s the wonder in the worlds of gender. it’s the shared sense of ‘i understand something, i experience something about the universe that so many other people don’t. i am an understood and belonged part of something that stretches into the past and the future and the stars.‘

euphoria in gender is such a huge element of being trans and it sucks to see it subsumed underneath other narratives (just as important, but strangely overrepresented)

and i guess my biggest concern with this isn’t really representation, so much as how it skews the experience of people who are questioning, who are looking at the potential in themselves and thinking, “what if -?” 

because gender experiences can be so warm and soft and kind, but we don’t come into transness knowing that, we don’t have an understanding that our community can exist with both dysphoria and euphoria, and that one isn’t more real than another. no one teaches you how to enjoy gender nonbinaryness. and that makes me so sad. 

but also, it’s such a strange, resilient joy too - because you know, even with that, even though i didn’t know 3 years ago that transness was anything more than transition and dysphoria and i hated myself and i was scared of myself because i felt different and other  -

i’ve still got euphoria. i’ve still got so much love and joy in my gender. i’m here and i’m trans and transness brings me joy and wonder everyday. 

i don’t believe in inevitability, but -

this is the narrative i see repeated in the trans community around me: even if joy is not given to us by the world - we find it, we find it in ourselves.

hi honeydove. <3 i’ve been holding this behind my ear like a very lovely and comfy daisy for a few days now and i am still so delighted by the soft texture of it, the unexpected beauty of it

i hate garbage single from hell a lot. this is the first time i’ve ever heard anything that made me happy about it.

i watched the narry clip in question a few times. the way that the crowd sings “calls me son alright” sounds so much like “calls me a sun, alright!” combined with the soft static of the video and the electric orange color of the scene, the echoing silence inbetween the words “ohhh oh ohh” just feels so right,bright sun in the middle of empty starlight. there’s a real big power in that.

in taking back that “everybody wanna steal my girl” and making it about how you gotta hold onto that girl in you, that girl you. not A Girl, like the girlness around you, but you, your girl. that muchness like a burning, like a building life, that doesn’t belong to any one else, but yourself, in how you are yourself. how hard it is to keep it from people who wanna make it their own, their own definition, their own possession to hold.

you’ve,yourgender has always been yours and only yours. to make and to sing and to call your own.

it’s redefining, in essence, isn’t it.

bc that’s always the way it is, the way that 1d songs always mean more when we, we as non men, we as a community, we as gender variance like the color spectrum, take it and sing it and claim it for ourselves.

we’ve always been the power behind 1d “ohhh- for sure”

alex pleeeease, you are such a ray of sun. this post makes me sooooo warm and you thinking of it and me, even moreso. i’ve had this post favorited for like 10 years, did you know. it’s so soft. i love all of these, just personally, because i’m a big fan of the idea of letting green overtake industrial eggshell, the active incorporation of growth into a base design, rather than a hindrance or an uncommon happenstance. 

i think, what draws me, and some other folks to genderfluid niall, is maybs that this niall also is a fan of these things. and with that, that genderfluid niall would want, most assuredly for gender to be a home curation made on the stoop of the back porch or the marble of the kitchen counter. niall would want to tie it to home and safety and affirmation.

and this particular genderfluid niall is wide sturdy walls. built blank and wide open, exposed. and not quite suddenly, the air and rain coming along and whispering encouragement to small seeds to put their hands into the planes and throw life to the sky. gender can be so much like that. gender can so much be niall having firmly decided a thing that’s a little vulnerable, a little protected in the common rules of architecture, 

and then seeing a sprinkle of color, a sprout of life. and niall doesn’t know the name of it, or what it could be, but there’s so much ease and hope in letting it stretch across the beams of arms and bones, in letting it wake up loud, a world around, in letting the wind rush through fingertips and feeling like a vine swimming in the sun.

there’s a different kind of strength in a self that grows and grows and layers life after life over itself; gender flipping through years and aesthetics and identities, the truth in the unchanging change - fluidity. there’s a might in the unignorable boldness of it, the simple matter-o-fact of it’s rooted existence. niall wearing shirts that say TRANS or niall jingling bracelets in four colors or niall casually responding to “how are you” with “gender’s fucked today, mate. how’s the missus?”

because in certain situations, in certain sureties, it’s so safe to be unsure and to share that with others who are unsure.

sometimes, sometimes though, it’s quieter. it’s going home to yourself to find things where you left them, and new things along side them.

because fluidity can also be familiarity, can be niall building an intimacy with niall and niall’s gender, knowing what it feels like to wear heeled boots on a tuesday and to feel something beyond the binary of “_ to _.” knowing, so intimately all the ins and outs of how gender feels in the chest and in the music of a assured, “yes.” niall builds spaces that are known, and then looks for more, looks for things to keep it more.

going out and thinking about gender, bringing it home in a bottle and watering it in the window, stringing gender from the tops of the ceilings, niall hugging niall. it’s an affirmation of sorts, to take things like plurality, makeup, euphoria, hormones - and settle them into their spaces in your life and expect them to evolve, to grow flowers or wilt in the rainy season. 

it takes a lot of courage, niall’s hands against harsh walls, counting breaths, niall’s voice like rocks into shallow ponds of conversations, ripples through relationships that have always been static and smooth, cameras trying to peek over the wall’s of niall’s life, the will of niall’s fortitude. but the thing about a gender you come home to, is that it always whispers, “welcome back.”

the ocean forgets until it empties | dinosaur for @muffinmanhoran

Louis/Niall. 1.5k. gender talks, trans characters, drugs, canon compliant.

it it about how gender burns and boils and reacts so sharply it pulls the atmosphere from the sky, only to take that pull and turn it into another weight, turn it into gender like a stillness, gender like a completeness, gender like an endless, eternal horizon. is it about niall curling up with this knowledge, prickling skin and wide eyes and staring at a mirror, staring at shallow water, thinking about the ways that bodies move through space. 

CAN WE THOUGH. I AM SO GLAD FOR THIS HOLY HECK THANK.

maaaaan i fucking ! love ! this!!!!!!!!!!! not to be too dramatic but this is the best kind of gender exploration liam because liam is a kind of person that doesn’t know things and sorta gets overwhelmed by that, but also never ever stops going on?? lil dedicated bab, always trying his utmost.

he’s curious too, and like exploring gender could be such a fun articulation of that? of like finding that it flows back and forth in a particular rhythm and maybe tapping it out in a sound booth, making something solid from it and feeling like, oh. this is it. there is something real and tangible in this ephemerality.

i love that liam can’t put it into words. i love that gender doesn’t have to be put into words.