#tpom clemson

The air in Hoboken is cold and heavy with fog, the sky dark with the promise of rain in the near future. The zoo is empty of people, the weather driving off the few who would visit. The animals, it seems, have taken advantage of this, with four of them in an abandoned habitat. It is a large cave, with the entrance built in such a way it was completely dark inside. The only light was from a few candles, surrounded by an Atlantic puffin, green anaconda, chimpanzee, and golden bamboo lemur.

“Let us begin,” said the puffin, lighting the last candle, “I think we all know vhy we are here.”

“No.”

“No, not really.”

“I have no idea, your note was mostly scribbles and a picture.”

“Oh for- revenge! Revenge against the penguins!” Hans threw up his wings, exasperated.

“Ohhh,” replied his neighbors. Really, he'd thought it was obvious.

“If that's the case, I'm going to leave you three to it,” Lulu said as she stood up, “I plan to stay as far away from those birds as possible.”

Clemson rolled his eyes from where he was sprawled on the floor. “Ah, c’mon Lulu, don't you want a little bit of vengeance?”

“Nope. Hans, do you know where Ma is? She has a recipe I've been meaning to try.”

“Check the staff kitchen.” Hans waved as she left. It was a pity she didn't want to help, he thought. She could have been a great asset.

“So, what is it you wanted to discuss? Other than ‘revenge’?” hissed Savio. He was coiled close to the candles, and Hans regretted not picking somewhere with heat.

“I have…a proposal, if you vill. One that vould benefit all three of us.” He grabbed the notes he made for this. “Every single time one of us has tried to attack anyone related to Central Park Zoo solo, ve vere defeated.” He pointed to the paper. “Except for the androids that horrid zookeeper made. They managed to fight off the penguins until ve got involved.”

“Well, yeah,” Clemson cut in, “but, can I be honest here? Those robots were way more powerful than us, you get me?”

Hans shook his head. “Not really, I checked the machine blueprints, and it made accurate skill profiles for anyone who used it. Some of it vas enhanced, yes- but not nearly as much as you think.”

Savio raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you implying that if we were to…” he paused, grimacing, “work together, then you think we could-”

“Get rid of Skipper and his precious little team! And take out the others too, I suppose.” Hans grinned at them, not looking at all manic, why do you ask?

Savio glared at being interrupted, but continued, asking “And do you have any evidence that this team up will actually help, hm? It seems to me that you're just, ah, grasping at straws?”

“I do, actually. From vhat I've seen, all of our plans vould have succeeded if ve had someone else involved.” He pulled out another sheet of paper, this one with actual pictures from security cameras taped on it.

“First, Clemson. If you had someone distracting everyone, or even just someone to dispose of the king while you were incapacitated, you could have easily von the crown. And Savio, a second pair of eyes vould have let you avoid the elephant entirely.”

“Yeah, sure, but what about your plans?” Clemson sneered, now leaning against Savio, “Those weren't exactly successful either. And didn't you work with Rhonda’s boss for one of them? How'd ‘teamwork’ help you when you got betrayed?”

Hans’s grin just widened further. “I vas betrayed, yes- but if I had someone watching out for me, he wouldn't have had the chance to do anything.”

Savio uncoiled from his spot just enough to loom over Hans. “And what, exactly, would be stopping this arrangement from going the same way? What is stopping any of us from betraying the others?"

Hans, looking unfazed, answered “Well, I hope our bond as zoomates would be strong enough to avoid any thoughts of betrayal!”

Savio and Clemson shared a look.

“Also ve know where each other live. Revenge vould be assured if there was any betrayal.”

“...Fair enough, I guess.” Clemson rubbed at his temples. “Gods, ‘betrayal’ doesn't even sound like a word anymore- look, I'm not committing to anything. I've got a few ideas I want to try, and I don't need anyone getting involved in those.”

He looked up. “But those are going to take a while, and until they're ready, I guess this ‘using the power of friendship’ thing can't hurt. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, you know?” He stood up and held out his paw.

Hans took it, and then glanced at Savio. He rolled his eyes but nodded. “I have few plans to get involved with that zoo again, but- I suppose I could help, if properly compensated. Besides, I’ll admit I've grown accustomed to you as my vecinos.”

Hans's smile softened, losing most of its edge. “Vell then, I think ve should start planning our first move.”

“Yeah, that's great, can we move somewhere nicer? That cold’s really coming in now,” Clemson said, shivering.

“We can go to the reptile house. It will be perfectly warm.” Savio slithered out of the cave, Clemson and Hans following.

“Say, do you think you could get me one of those laser guns? I bet I could do a lot of damage with it!”

“I'll see vhat I can do. In the meantime, how do you feel about a laser cutter? I stole it from Skipper months ago!”