the engine or the oxygen the angel or the ambien
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the engine or the oxygen the angel or the ambien

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⋆˙⟡ i downloaded malware during the paper kingdom leak of 2026© and all i got was my identity stolen ⋆˙⟡
remembered i downloaded TPK and i listened to Dive at 2am and although it was incredibly beautiful, it made me feel something i don’t think i ever want to feel again
We could have had so much
Something something there's this interesting phenomenon of tpk being unfinished and leaked and so we don't exactly have a lot of context for the songs. Like it's been discussed that it was supposed to be a concept album about a support group for parents who have lost their children... But like we don't exactly get a lot of context beyond that, on top of them being demos and not fully polished songs (which in some cases demos have some big differences in lyrics)... so I think in some way it's easier to interpret the demos from what was going on at the time from the band in their personal lives rather then interpret the songs through the lens of the concept for the album?
Like a lot of the other songs in the other albums more clearly relate to the concept album rather then say, Gerard's or the bands own personal lives, but without that extra context here that we are given through album art, music videos, the band themselves talking about it, it's hard to distinguish what exactly is going on which is coming from more for the concept rather then the artists. Like that's not to say the songs on the concept album aren't related to Gerard's own feelings/thoughts/experiences etc as any art inevitably is, but within a concept album there is a more naturally built-in distance from the artist and what the art expresses that is more easily distinguished.
Anyways, all that to say most discussions of the album I've seen isn't through this lens of the concept album; lots on how there's themes of the trans experiences, on substance abuse and mental illness... Important discussions (and exciting stuff), but less trying to also contextualize that within the few hints were given for the concept itself. But I think like, we are missing some important aspects that can add to these things that are already discussed... Idk like... The fact the album is supposed to be about parents who have lost their children is like 'oooo dark' at first glance but I think you gotta contextualize this with the fact Gerard has Bandit by now. And if I recall correctly, Frank has also had his twins (I'm unsure on when Mikey or Ray's children were born). Like... this topic of losing a child isn't an abstract concept, it's a concept that's probably a tangible fear for Gerard (and most parents). And I think many people when they become parents also reflect on their own childhood and their own parents, regarding how they should parent their own child... and how to do it properly, stemming from the fear of also losing one's child. So I think the topic of parenting, and home is actually a big thing to discuss here that's relevant to TPK. And also likely reflects Gerard's own childhood and relationship with their parents and their own fears as a parent and parenting... Not that the songs exactly represent Gerard's own experiences and fears since it's art and was supposed to be a concept album, but also I think it certainly influences the songs.
I mean like to just toss some thoughts out there, for childhood and relationship to parents, the fact the Bicycle Thief is pretty clearly a song about being trans and one's relationship with their unsupportive parent while being trans, with the lines that girl is not my son, and a clearly dysfunctional family relationship... And Gerard's own gender fuckery it would be no surprise that this could come out of their own experiences and/or fears. Meanwhile High Hopes alludes to the Gerard's experience of being held at gun point 'execution style' while a comic book store was being robbed when he was fifteen, with its verses "when I was fifteen/come home and kiss me/will someone miss me if I don't come home?". Which also pretty clearly illustrates a... 'unhappy' would be one of many ways to put it, home life. The song continues to contextualize a struggle in feeling loved; repeatedly asking for kisses and help, but also continuing to ask but will you miss me? Not to mention that directly after I've seen killers verse is I've seen mothers, which is interesting to see side by side... So I think there's reflections within the songs on parental relationships and childhood experiences...
Also, High Hopes then the song also asks "Starting to wake up from the break/How did I get here?/Well I don't think I'm home" so it also begins to segway into touching on living a life youre realizing you don't want, one that is away from home and family... and if you consider that Gerard's substance abuse at the time, as well as the way they must be been away a lot from home on tour, and once this album was to be released they'd be away again a lot for two years touring, away from home and their kid. Like you also have the Narita Airport clip, clearly suggesting the character for the concept album travelling, which is again reiterated by the mention of being in London... And you have the clip that begins Dive, which has a young child and their mother wishing their father a happy birthday over the phone because he's away. And it kinda breaks my heart cause it's right before Dive, and the sounds of the lapping of waves from Dive begins to overlap the end of the recording, a song that strongly is reminiscent of substance abuse implicitly suggesting the call being a trigger for relapse/substance abuse... Anyways all of that and also the repeated question within the songs about being a good or bad person... and being able to love good or bad people I feel like also ties into it. So I think in some ways it's Gerard potentially visiting both their childhood and parental relationships and fears as well as realizing and reflecting their own thoughts about where their life is regarding their substance abuse, being away touring, and who they are as a parent, and who they want to be as a parent. Or something like that... Idk...

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dive is literally the song of all time. it’s about addiction. it’s about sexual abuse. it’s about losing a loved one. it’s about transgenderism. it’s about drowning both emotionally and physically.
Paper Birthdays
Alright, I've been listening to the Paper Kingdom (Sue me, MCR has said NOTHING about them, i have free will) and I noticed something. The reoccurring theme of birthdays. A song called Birthday Girl and the beginning of Dive, which is a phone call between a little girl and her mother who's asking her to sing Happy Birthday to her.
War Beneath the Rain mentions " we don't care about the birthdays that we've had"
"A birthday wish for all my friends" is from Witch
I know that the album was ment to be about a support group of parents who lost their kids and that birthdays are important to a lot of children but I feel like there may be more to it.
Man the new MCR leaks that have been going around the last month got me downloading suspicious links without a second thought like I'm back in the Limewire days of 2007 and I'm fully prepared to brick and blue screen my phone for more audio of my son.