#tpahr

               However, at your question, the only thought taking up every space in his mind is the question: What does he do now? Does he answer you? Should he pretend to be asleep? Or, do he–            

               “A-am I being too clingy? S-sorry…” Jungkook feels you withdraw your arms and he panics. He immediately turns on his side, not caring about the sheets of your bed uncomfortably tangling around his legs.  Jungkook’s hand shoots from his side, wrapping around your wrist that you have retreated back to your chest.  He sees the surprise written on your face and he instantly unclasps his hand, keeping them crossed across his chest, just like your current position.

               “N-no! You’re not clingy…I just,” Jungkook sighs and decides to let honesty play his cards. “I suddenly felt…weird.”

               You look at him, eyes peering into him and he gulps. But before he can explain himself, you have already opened your mouth and asked, “Wh-why? Is it because of me? I-I’m sorry…”

               Jungkook bites his lip as his heartbeat start to thunder loud and clear behind his ears, an imminent sign the songs in his chest are about to play anytime soon. He stares at you, drinking in your bleary eyes and furrowed forehead. If he’s gonna be honest now, everything about his current position is indeed all because of you.  

***

               It started with you overworking yourself again into the first month of the semester and Jungkook only knew about this when your common friend, Park Jimin, texted him you’re absent in the communication class you share with him. And Jungkook knows you care too much about your academic standing, with your scholarship and all, to tick off at least one of your course’s permitted leaves.

               “It’s not that bad,” you told him once you woke up and saw his worry-streaked face, his form crouching next to your bedside, but Jungkook begs to differ. First of all, he found you slumped on your desk that afternoon hair uncombed, clothes unwashed, lunch pack you probably bought for the day still untouched, and a mess of papers splayed around your head, with a stray piece even covering your face. And second, he realized you’ve come down with a flu the moment he  noticed your labored breaths and felt your skin burning up. So of course, this is bad. Jungkook frowns at the careless shrug you give him and it deepens when you tried to laugh at the situation and told him you’re fine and he should go back to his dorm even when you’re tucked up in your sheets, face pale, and voice hoarse like death.  

               Of course, he didn’t listen to you. With the years he’s grown with you, he always knew you easily get sick and take too long to get well. He would always hear your mom’s exasperated voice next door when she scolds you for getting drenched under the rain or standing too long under the sun. All of these were for the best of you, ten-year-old Jungkook found out, because when you turned seven, you got hospitalized for five days after coming down with an illness from just playing under the rain with him for an hour. As soon as you got discharged, your mom asked him to keep an eye on you if you ever try to pull off some stupid shit again. With three years ahead of you in age, Jungkook easily accepted such responsibility and for the next ten years, he zealously kept his promise to your mom.

               So now with you sick and your roommate gone for her hometown for the next two days, there are no further questions to be asked. Jungkook will stay by your side for the night. Three years of coming-and-going to your dorm is enough for him to memorize that every Wednesday, your RA does not do her rounds. His butt is safe for tonight from momentary bad landings on the ground whenever he has to escape from your window.  

               Taking care of you is easy. He knows playing along with your whines will get him to make you eat the food he nearly cut a finger for in preparation. Asking you to tell him another run-over of your stories is the key to coax you to ignore your work for the mean time and take a shower. Finally, letting you ramble about the most random things is the ultimate power move to get you into bed and tuck you under the sheets. He still goes for this technique even though he ends up with the most ridiculous ideas plaguing him in his sleep like that time you wondered what if the Cerberus has its body reversed: instead of three heads and one body, it has one head and three bodies.    

               However, this night was different from the other nights he played nurse because this is the first time the power move did not work on you.

               “Come lay next to me.”

               “What?!” Jungkook whips his head to you, fingers frozen in the middle of arranging the papers on your desk.

               “Come lay next to me,” you repeat, voice still soft but the conviction in it clearer. Jungkook straightens his back and faces you with a deadpan stare. The usual “No, Y/N, I won’t lie next to you. I have some blankets. I’ll sleep on the floor,” is already on the tip of his tongue. But as soon as he took a step towards you, your ultimatecounter-atack is played out in front of him: you with your puppy eyes and your bottom lip jutted out in a pout. Jungkook immediately freezes. Such sight used to affect his soft spot for you that will have him willing to consider your request back when he only saw you as a friend. But now–damn, not only does it affect his soft heart, it also instantly attacks a part of his brain–a part where he lets his feelings cloud his rational thinking and is most of the time occupied by you (in short, his whole brain–just kidding).  

               So there is no surprise Jungkook will only manage to squeak, “What?” amidst the tornado going on his body and the gigantic flash of red ready to take over his cheeks.

               Unaware of his interior war with himself, you only fixed your gaze on him and said, “Come lay next to me. I’m feeling too cuddly and…lonely. Yeah, lonely. I didn’t manage to talk with anyone yesterday and I crave some human connection, which also only made me miss my bestfriend more.”

               Jungkook is still rooted in his position, still giving you that troubled expression (brows knitted together, face flushed, lips parted in a weird semi-scowl, semi-smile that sometimes troubles you yourself), so you muttered, “Promise, you can leave my side as soon as I fell asleep.”

               Jungkook bites his lip but wordlessly goes to your side of the bed to raise his hand to your direction, pinky jutted out. “You promise?”

               You grin at him. “Aren’t we already too old for pinky swears? You’re making me look like I’m destroying your conscience by just asking you to keep me company.”

               “Because you do–Goddamn it, Y/N, just promise me or not?!”

               “Fine, fine, fine, I promise,” you interlock your pinky with his and seal the deal with a kiss on your thumb. “There, so can you know lay next to me? So I can also end your agony as soon as possible?”

               “Damn, woman, you’re so demanding.” Despite such remark, Jungkook concedes and goes to the other side of your bed. After he finally tucks himself next to you with your blanket pulled to his chest like you do, he fixes you with a begrudging frown. “There. Satisfied?”

               You laugh, “Yeah, so much!” You pulled his right arm closer to you, spreading his palm open to slot your fingers between the spaces of his own. Giggling at your now-intertwined hands, you turn to his side and look up at him. “Don’t you feel reminiscent of sleeping like this when we used to have sleepovers in your house?”

               “Yeah, totally. Can you now sleep?” Jungkook answers with an annoyed huff, facing away from you and you only giggle at him.

               “Okay, grumpy StarKook,” you chortle. “Remember not to get too close. You may get sick, too, and you can’t have that for tomorrow’s practice.” Drawling on your words, you pressed yourself further on your side of the bed to create more space between the two of you. 

               It is only when your soft snores fill the room that Jungkook breaks from his stiff position. He turns to your side, facing your curled-up form. The circles under your eyes have become darker than last week and your collarbones protrude on your skin a little too much for his liking. And he hates himself for not noticing anything earlier. He hates himself for missing out too much on you these days. He hates himself for making it up to you only now. But most of all, he hates himself for his inability to just outright say to you that he no longer sees you as just a friend but a person who’s unknowingly owned his heart.

               He hates how he can’t easily return the sweet sentiments you generously pour on him. His lips conditioned to say the opposite of what his heart meant in fear of losing you with the burden he’s impending to give you once you knew everything about the songs in his heart. And even if he tried to make up for his poor choice of words with his actions, he hates how his progress is close to nothing in trying to make you see the way he sees you whenever you feel insecure, un-loved, un-qualified to live in the world. Because, you are so, so much more than the faults you always see in yourself.

               So, even if Jungkook feels he’s still far from touching your heart the way you did his when you helped him realize his own passion, he won’t stop trying. Even if sometimes he gets easily knocked off his feet and rational thoughts fly away from his head the moment his eyes just as so much meet yours–Jungkook won’t stop loving you.

               Jungkook sees the way you suddenly shift closer to him, forehead scrunched and lips frowning in discomfort. He raises his hand and awkwardly pats your hair. That seems to do the trick as the lines on your forehead smoothen out, your lips curving into a small smile. Jungkook then feels a squeeze on his hand and his heart instantly warms into a soft mush at the way you managed to keep yourself far from him so as not to infect him, but still near enough for you to reach him.

               Jungkook’s about to sweep away the strand of hair that has fallen astray on your face when–

               “Ko-ook, I…felt so bad today.”

               Jungkook immediately tucks away his hand back to his chest. Your eyes are still closed, chest heaving evenly with your breaths so Jungkook’s not sure if you’re just sleep-talking or just letting him off the hook of what he’s about to do. Nevertheless, he replies, “W-why?”

               “Be…because I can’t write these days and I…and my studies take up too much of my time and I just–I don’t knoow, feel like I’m not improving at aall.”

               “I–,” Jungkok gulps “Well, I can help you with your studies?”

               “No offense, Kook, but I don’t trust you with my pa-papers…My program is a reading course and you a-already sleep halfway through a five-paged short stooory.”

               Jungkook laughs, “Okay, touché.” Damn, even in your drowsy state you still roast him well.

               Despite his small chuckles, you continue on, still serious. “Bu…but what if I can’t find the time to wri–write anymore and end up not getting any of my stories published?”

               Almost instantly, Jungkook replies, “You will get published.” Among all of the things he has agreed with, this is the only one he can be a hundred percent sure of.

               “How did you know?”

               “Because I know you will. And because I’ll make sure I’ll be the first person to buy a copy of your book.” Jungkook squeezes your hand, smiling.

               “You…you promise?”

               “Now look who told me we’re getting too old for pinky promises.”

               “I just sai-said promise, you know. You’re the only grown-up who still likes pinky promises–Whatever, do you promise or not?

               “Okay, okay, I promise.”

               “Hmmm,” you yawn turning on your side of the bed, “It’s already laaate so feel free to sleep on my bed, Kook. But if you still want to go to your dorm and rest, you can leave me now. I’m already sleepyyy. Thank you again for the night.”

               “Okay, I’m finally free!” Jungkook chuckles but he doesn’t make a move to leave. Not yet. He turns to look at your sleeping figure, eyes drinking in the curves and dips of your body. Jungkook shifts an inch closer to you, his hand poised near to your back. He aches to caress the soft tuff of hair in front of him but Jungkook keeps his hand to himself. This is enough for now. He just wants to prolong his opportunity to be with you like this, to have you close to him without worrying about the possible consequences of his feelings. A soft smile graces Jungkook’s face as he sighs.

***

               Your eyes flutter open when you feel a sudden movement against your skin. The first thing that registers in your mind is that you’ve practically latched yourself onto Jungkook – lips pressed on his nape, arms looped around the dip of his waist, and feet slotted against his calves. What worries you though is your bestfriend is barely breathing. With the way his abdomen feels taut beneath your fingers and the soft expanse of his neck trembling under the space where you managed to press your nose against, you’re sure he’ll pass out anytime soon from holding his breath inside for too long.

                “You’re still a…awake, Kook?” You called out, withdrawing your arms back to your chest, legs back to your side of the bed. “A-am I being too clingy? S-sorry…”

               Jungkook suddenly moves away and then he’s now facing you. “N-no! You’re not clingy…I just,” Jungkook sighs, “I suddenly felt…weird.”

               “Wh-why?” You mutter softly, brows furrowed. You then realize he must have been unable to leave just like you promised because you’re hugging him too tight in your sleep. You immediately brought your gaze down, apologetic. “Is it because of me? I-I’m sorry…I probably hugged you in my sleep and didn’t let you leave and go back to your dorm, and I’m sorry–”

               Jungkook shakes his head and looks at you, wide awake now. Of course, everything about this night is because of you. He’s feeling all these things because of you–you who stupidly neglect your health for the sake of studying, you who whine at him yet successfully convince him to join you on your bed, and you who look so endearingly beautiful even when you’re sick and can barely keep your eyes open. Of course, it will always be you.

               “No, it’s not because of you,” Jungkook breathes out.

               But he won’t admit it to you.

               “It’s because of me.”

               Because he’s also at fault for dragging his chances tonight for too long and you are yet to know the reason why. Especially, not now–not this way.

                “I got sleepy, too, so I just decided to sleep, and then I suddenly woke up when I felt you, uh…hugging me like that,” Jungkook clears his throat. “I-it’s just–I felt a bit queasy about you hugging me from behind.”

               You blink at him. “You feel weird being the small spoon?”

               Jungkook almost chokes on his own spit. “W-what?” Are you talking about spooning in bed? Where are you going with this conversation?!

               “I mean,” you huff, “most guys I talk with complain about their partners’ hair smothering their faces when they are the big spoon. And, it’s not like I purposely hugged you just to find out whether you like being the small spoon or not, I just unconsciously hugged you FYI. But then again, why don’t you like being the small spoon? You used to like it when I am the big spoon in our sleepovers.”

                “…When the hell did that happen?”

               You narrowed your eyes at him and Jungkook laughs. Huffing, you turn your back to him, facing your side of the bed. “Nevermind, deny it all you want when we know your mother still has pictures of you snuggled in my embrace. Anyway, it’s good that I woke up on time. You should have woken me up when you felt me hug you. You need to stay far on the bed or else you’ll get sick too and–”

               A thick arm drapes across your waist and a firm chest presses behind your back. You feel Jungkook’s knees slot next behind yours, his warm toes sliding beneath your cold feet. Before you can let out a squeak in surprise, you hear the voice of your bestfriend, rumbling right from his chest.

               “I don’t want to be small spoon. I like to be the big spoon. So I can protect you at night.”

               Chuckling, you try to ignore the searing warmth that has suddenly taken over your chest. Your ears also feel incredibly hot now, because of the cold, because of Jungkook–you don’t know, but the only thing you’re sure of is you like this warmth. Probably way more than you should. Grinning, you said, “Protect me from what?”

               “From nightmares and bad people. Now be quiet and go to sleep, peanut.”

               “Okay, okay, but…you have to let go now, Kook. You’ll also get sick–”

               “Don’t wanna. I never get sick,” Jungkook murmurs against your hair, “I have the Jeon Effect.”

               “Hmm’kay, suit yourself. Don’t let me tell you ‘I told you so.’” A beat passes and then you mumble something against your pillows–something Jungkook would have easily dismissed if not for one word that added to the flame in his heart.

              “Goodnight…prince.”

                It only takes about two minutes to have you snoring softly again in his arms. Jungkook releases the breath he’s been holding and lets his stiff shoulders drop in resignation. He presses himself closer to you, his arm draped across your waist moves as he finds for your fingers and intertwines it with his.

               Pressing a tender kiss on the back of your head, Jungkook mutters, “Goodnight, my princess.”

 Epilogue

“Mom,” Jungkook whispers on the phone, “Do you really have pictures of Y/N spooning me from behind?”

“Well, yeah…I didn’t know you knew I have copies of those, I only showed them to Y/N. Why did you ask?”

“N-nothing. Just checking.”

“Oh…kay. By the way, I also have photos of you spooning Y/N from behind. It’s so cute seeing you have turned around and switched your places. Ahh, I miss the toddler version of you. So cute!”

“Kook, are you–achoo!–talking with someone?”

“Oh shucks, mom, I have to go now. Bye bye, love you.” Jungkook ends the call and turns on his side to face you. “It’s just my mom, checking up on me.” But before you can ask him how’s his mom, Jungkook lets out a massive sneeze. He could feel your stare on him as he grabs some tissues from your tissue box–only to end up with insufficient three tissues and an empty box.  He grins at you. “Can you hand me more tissues?”

Your lips pull into a straight line as you reach for the tissue box by your desk “Here. See, Jungkook? I told you to leave me yesterday, Now you’re sick, too.

“It’s okay. At least now I get you to focus all your attention on me.”

“W-what?”

“N-nothing.”

A/N pt.2 | So hi hons! Thank you for reading this installment!!! I’ve been down the couple of days because of so MUCH school work and…I feel like I’m not improving at all given with the sudden efflux of feedback to my recent writings :((( Hence, sorry if I kept you guys waiting for too long…Anyway, I hope I’ve progressed a little bit with this installment! Thank you for always supporting me and reading my stories! 

P.S. If you also want to leave me some love, I have my arms wide open in my ask box ~( ;  ^  ; )~

           “No, it's not!” you huff behind him and Jungkook feels your presence behind him when a sprinkle of sand lands on his castle.

           “Oops. Sorry,” you mutter and Jungkook, your ever-stubborn seven-year-old neighbor that moved in beside your home six months ago, clicks his tongue. He turns his back to you and decides to build another castle.

           You seem unbothered by it as you plopped beside him. You’re already used to your neighbor turning his back to you that you started to see this as an endearing quality about him.

           Jungkook has always been this aloof since he moved in with his mother. He doesn’t speak to anyone at school, not even to you! Sure, it was unsettling to know that a kid like you does not care for wonderful stories and playdates and prefers to play alone but as your mother told you, you shouldn’t give up and Jungkook just needs time to warm up. And yeah, you learned that friendship takes time to bloom as after a few months of your constant befriending tactics, Jungkook for the very first time, met you halfway with a shy “You already know I’m Jungkook, right? So…yeah, can you...can you tell me about the story you told at school yesterday again?”

           Anyway, you started blabbering again. “You see, the Constellatia is the universe we see. The stars up above us at nights belong to the Star Prince’s kingdom.”

           Jungkook still has his back turned to you and you pout. You made your voice louder. “The Star Prince is really cool, no? He lives in a world full of stars! How amazing can that be?”

           Jungkook hums as he piles another bucket of sand.

           Seeing his disinterest, you realize it’s time to bring out your big guns. “You know, I found that the cosmos are not what they seem to be.”

           This time, you successfully caught your neighbor’s attention. Jungkook halts on his third bucket of sand and looks at you, suspicious. “How did you know?”

           You find yourself smiling. You knew this will work. “Well...I saw the 'cosmos' on the TV. It showed some pretty pink and purplish waves of skies and I've never seen anything prettier than that in my whole life,” you glance at Jungkook and after assuring he's interested, you smile wider. “And I figured that my toys are not what they usually are, I thought then that the cosmos are more than what they really are.”

           Jungkook tilts his head. “What do you mean you found your toys 'not what they usually are'“?

           “I found out that they're actually alive! Mom even assured me that they really are living and breathing! She said they just come to life when people are asleep because they are afraid of capitalism?” your eyes wander to the right and after recalling that your mother used the same term, you affirmed it with a grin. “Yeah, capitalism.”

           When you see Jungkook scrunching up his forehead, you shrug. “Don't ask me. I don't know what capitalism is. My mom just said so, but I bet it must be really bad because it prevents us from having an animated conversation with our toys.”

           You may have not actually narrated the story of the Star Prince to Jungkook, he came home with a story on the tips of his tongue and an excited jump in his steps. Although the effect of your cosmos thingy and the toys turned out to be something you didn't expect when Jungkook informed you the next day that his mother scolded him for knowing something adults should only deal with.

           “She even told me I'll get plenty of white hair if I continue talking about it. Don't bring it up again, okay?,” Jungkook looks into your eyes. “My Jeon Effect will be in danger.”

           “Okay, I promise,” you give him a small smile and raised your pinky for him to interlock with his own. He locks it and presses his lips on his thumb.

           “Promise sealed. For the sake of the Jeon Effect.”

           “Yeah, for the Jeon Effect!”

           “Oh!” Jungkook sputters, almost jolting as he remembers your unfinished story yesterday. “What about the Star Prince again?”

           You cross your arms and wiggle your eyebrows. “I thought you weren't interested yesterday?”

           Jungkook instantly finds his cheeks and ears heating up. “I uh–um I–”

           “He lives in a kingdom called Constellatia,” you chuckle at the way his eyes widen.

           “And?”

           “That's it. I'm still doing my umm research? Yeah, research about it, so that's what I only know as of now.” Seeing his shoulders deflate, you immediately reassure him, “But! You'll be the first person to know of him once I figured out his story!”

           “Promise?” Jungkook holds out his pinky but what he said seems to just pass through your right ear and out of the other.

           “Don't you think we're doing too much pinky swears?”

           “There's no such thing as too much pinky swears–do you promise or not?”

           “Fine, fine, okay, I promise,” you lock your fingers again and press a soft kiss on your thumbs.

           The both of you went home with fingers interlocked, eventhough it was only two months ago that Jungkook told you he hated any kind of skinship because it's corny. He didn't mind the dampness of your sweaty hand that afternoon, so you relished the warmth of his hand with a big, goofy smile.

           The story of the Star Prince was brought up again a year later, coinciding with your neighbor's birthday, and therefore, was told in a pillowfort the both of you made in his bedroom.

           “His hair is made of stardust and starlights?” Jungkook aks and you nod, opening your flashlight.

           “Yeah, the Star Prince's hair glows so much that when he feels happy or excited,” you press a button on your flashlight, turning the scope of the light much bigger than before, “his whole body can emit light that can enshroud the whole room around him just like this.”

           Jungkook's jaw drops in amazement when he sees how gigantic the light of your flashlight shined on his wall that it almost mimicked a spotlight.

           Happy with your neighbor's reaction, you continue, “Because of these instances that makes him burn up with so much light, his kingdom Constellatia can easily provide the sun enough shine to light up every planet in our galaxy for a few years. On the usual basis, his optimism provides enough daylight to our world. When fortunate enough, his light crosses to the dark realm which allows the Midnight Princess–who balances the light he casts with darkness and also his destined bride–to pull up the moon and use the stars the Star Prince created to draw constellations on her skies.”

           “That sounds wonderful,” Jungkook says, eyes shimmering and for a moment's second you thought the glow in his eyes can rival the “spotlight” you created on his wall. However, it soon diminishes and you're left staring at his honey brown eyes again when he pulls his lips into a small frown. “But, how can the prince and princess meet if they're separated by two realms? Of course they have to meet face-to-face to fall in love, right?”

           “That's where you're wrong, Kook. You don't need to physically meet to fall in love.”

           Jungkook just looks at you more confused than ever.

           “You see, the eyes are not the only ones which can see,” you reach out to him and Jungkook freezes in his spot as you place your palm flat against his chest. “Your heart can see, too. Far more than what your eyes could.” You giggle, “See? You're nervous. I can't see it on your face but I can feel how fast your heartbeats are.”

           Jungkook lets out a squeak and before your eyes can see the reds that must have colored his cheeks, he swats your hand away. You laugh and he feels his cheeks become hotter. “Wh-what? I-I'm not nervous.”

           “But you didn't deny that your heartbeats are really, really fast, Kook.” When he didn't reply, you let out a chuckle.

           “Anyway, as I told you, you need not to physically meet to fall in love. The constellations the Midnight Princess lays on her skies manages to dwell a little longer on daybreak just enough for the Star Prince to have a glimpse on. Most of them have messages, others just artworks of the princess, nevertheless, it warms the heart of the Star Prince. In return, the Star Prince creates more stars for her to use and paint on the skies, each containing a secret message that unravels once the princess touches it. Some of them express the Star Prince’s admiration for the princess’ artworks, but most of them tell how much love he feels for her.” You smile at him, “Remember the star we saw yesterday at the playground which our teacher pointed out wasn't actually a star but a planet?”

           Jungkook nods.

           “That’s Venus. The joy the Star Prince felt when the Midnight Princess returned his feelings made him shine so much that the planet Venus caught tons of his starlight enough for her to shine like a star even in broad daylight up ‘til evening to carry the message ‘You’re utterly beautiful’ for the princess.” You turn to Jungkook, “See, Kook?  Essential entities like love are invisible to the eye and can only be seen with the heart. And with that, here’s another gift of mine for your birthday.”

           You turned off your flashlight and immediately, the two of you are surrounded by darkness.

           “Look above you, Kook.”

           Jungkook raises his head and his mouth opens in wonder, “Whoa.” Above him were thousands of constellations, lining up every corner of his room with glowing stardust and starlight. Some were red, orange, and pink, the others in blue, purple, and green, while almost all of them are yellow. Most of them even look like they’re glittering gold. They fill up every space in his room and for a moment, Jungkook feels he isn’t in his room but in the outer space–in the Constellatia you painted for him and you, a secret world only both of you know.

           The stars you placed on the ceiling with the help of his mother that morning when Jungkook is playing outside are only glow-in-the-dark sticky stars you bought with your mother in Walmart. However, they looked so much more than what they really are when they are spread above you, blanketing the both of you in comfort and wonder no other world can do.

           As if taking the words straight from your mouth, Jungkook gasps in wonder, “This…this is beautiful.”

           “Yeah, it really is,” you feel your smile growing into a grin. “It’s the masterpiece the Midnight Princess created when she and the Star Prince finally met in the first eclipse a thousand years ago.” You turn towards Jungkook again and he looks at you with surprise when you place a soft peck against his cheeks. “Happy 8th birthday, Kook.”

           You came home that night with your end of the metal-and-strings phone he crafted (“so we can you know…call each other whenever we feel like it,” Jungkook mused while running a hand through his hair) along with a new milestone in your friendship with your neighbor.

           When Jungkook’s mother came to bid him goodnight, she found him smiling in his sleep for the very first time. That same night, you found yourself dreaming about one single sentence over and over again:

           “Y/N, you know…you’re my very first friend.”

 --

             The second time Jungkook encountered your view of things being more than what they seem to be, it was because you followed him when he ran away from home.

           Teenage years have done Jungkook no good. A complete 180 turnover from his peaceful childhood, the seventeen-year-old him was not someone he could ever be proud of. He lost hope on his dreams, he never had any plans for his future, fucked up everything he built his life on, he traded your friendship for some twisted kind of brothership with Lee Taeyong and the other hotshot kids, and he even got into constant fights with his mom about his growing bad reputation in school. Sure, he asked for forgiveness from his mom and you when he woke up from his horrible mindset after the Lee Taeyong Incident which involved you six months ago, but it's not enough. It will never be enough. So Jungkook decides he'll stop fucking up everyone's lives by leaving everything he’s ever known. He've already caused everyone he loves enough damage to last their lifetimes.

           However, all of his plans started to go downhill the moment he spot the beanie he gifted to you three years ago on some hunched up gal in the bus. The seconds seem to fast after that–he jumped off on the next stop, started sprinting for God knows where, and now you're here running with your breath leaving you as you try to keep up with him.

           “Jungkook, stop!”

           "Y/N! Just go home!" Jungkook yells over his shoulder before he faces forward again, biting his lips in frustration. He wills his legs to fasten his pace. He’s already a city away from home and only now when he stepped down the bus stop did he know you’ve fucking followed him. Why the hell did you follow him? How come you’ve known his plan of running away? Do you actually think you can convince him to come home, when what–after he just screamed at his mom that she can never help him with his feelings of un-usefulness? When he knows he’ll never lead a meaningful life even if he tried? When he knew that everyone’s right–he’s just a scum dragging down everyone around him and it took him one stupid year to realize that they’re true? When he’s hurt everyone he loves, even you, far worse than what he intended? Jungkook chokes down a grunt and pulls the straps of his backpack tighter. He’s not coming back. Looking behind will only hold him back and he didn’t need that as much as you don’t need him and he’ll be fine with that–

           “Jungkook, can you fucking stop and look at me, just for once!”

           Jungkook pays no heed and continues running but when the absence of footsteps pounding on the pavement behind him dawns on him, every limb in his body ceases into a staggering stop.

           Even if you didn’t follow him, Jungkook simultaneously feels sick and relieved to know that you’ll never leave him alone.

           “Jungkook–”

           “What were you thinking?! You knew I would fucking do this and you even thought of fucking following me–Why did you even follow me?!”

           “I–uh–I–“

           “It’s fucking midnight, Y/N–”

           “Do I look like I fucking care?!” you scream and under the pale glow of the streetlight did Jungkook notice the streams of tears cascading down on your pale face. “You just bolted out of your home with no qualms of turning back. What do you want me to do? Wait until you’ve finally really left for good? I can’t fucking do that! You’re my fucking bestfriend, for Christ’s sake!”

           Jungkook remains unmoving in his spot and you found this enough of a reason to take a step forward. “Don’t pretend that I don’t fucking know why you’re doing this. Yes, rumors about you and your bad reputation about your constant fights have spread like wildfire in high school. Yes, you’ve hurt your mom even if she’s the only family member who have stuck by your side. And goddamn sure as hell you’ve also hurt me when you figured my weirdness and nerdy-ness is out of place with your pursuit of so-called manliness. You’ve pushed me away, turned blind eye to my bullies, and even joined Lee Taeyong and others in their bullshits. But are they enough to fucking change how I see you? Hell-fucking no! You’re still the shy seven-year-old boy I met when I was four–the one who I took time knowing and befriending through letters pasted under your desk in preschool. You’re still my friend who would do anything it takes to make his mom smile because he loves her so much. Remember the tons of thank you cards you send to her monthly up ’til now?”

           Jungkook nods, his huge backpack dropping to the ground, but he doesn’t look up to meet your eyes.

           “If that’s not a sign of how much you love your mom, I don’t know what else, Kook. Yes, your father fucked up real bad with your mom, but don’t you dare think you’re anything like him. Yes, you have your flaws, but unlike him, you learn from them and you try your best to right them. You always made it up to your mom whenever you fight. You always told her you’re sorry, you clean the house, try to do better in school. You told Jimin to help me with Taeyong even when you’re far away in the city with your team for your teambuilding camp, remember? And you finally said your apologies from the shits you put me through the second you came back to town.” It was only now did you realize you’re only a couple of steps away from your bestfriend without him running farther away. You sniffle from your sobs, hopes still raised. “I know your mother will forgive you from the things you said which I know you didn’t really mean. I have already forgiven you, Kook, and you know that’s a big deal because you know how bitchy I am when I hold grudges,” your lips try to attempt a smile but you can’t will them to, “So why not give yourself a chance to forgive yourself?” You realize you’ve began sobbing again as you continue, “Remember what I told you in the sandbox when you were seven? That things aren’t really what they appear to be? Tha-that-that they are more than what they seem to be? That shit I made up when I was four is still true until now, you know. I figured that people are more than what they seem to be. Tha-that we can create beautiful things much larger than ourselves–that we can become our own worlds we create for ourselves. And with that,” you look at his eyes for the first time, warm brown and homey like the first time you met him. “You are more than what your flaws make you to be,” your voice flattens in a heavy sigh and you push away your fringe to wipe away your tears.

           You raise your arms to encircle around his frame, not fully enclosed enough to keep him to stay in your arms, but not loose enough for him to easily slip away. “I-if you still want to run away, then put down my arms and I assure you I’ll never be in your way again. B-but if you choose to come home with me, you know I’d gladly take you back in my arms again.” You know how volatile your situation is right now–that it’s possible you’ll never see your bestfriend ever again–but you still wanted him to have a choice, to freely believe that he is more than his mistakes and regrets, that he still has so much to become. He’s still unmoving and you close your eyes, unknowingly whispering, “Please stay.”

           Seconds do not need to drag too long as the moment your wish fills the empty street, you feel Jungkook immediately engulfing you in a tight hug with his tears wetting the sleeves of your jacket as he continuously mutter “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

           "You know I’ve never been those first benchers, Y/N, right?” he chokes on his sobs but he continues, “I never had grades worth to be proud of. I’m just always there–doing whatever insignificant, fucking everyone’s lives, just being a nobody. Trying to prove something I cannot prove from the start. It hurts to know you aren’t good in anything, you know? It pains to know you have no dreams for yourself.”

           “But you have,” you interrupt him.

           “I have?”

           “Yes you do,” you look up at him and hugged him tighter. “People say it’s okay to not have any dreams but I dare to disagree. Not all dreams can be grand, you know. They can be little things like growing up a dog, finishing a day’s work, living ‘til you make it to another day–they’re small things but ironically big. Remember the number systems we studied in Algebra?”

           Jungkook huffs. “Yes but why you bringing up Math, Y/N? You know I’m a shithead in that–”

           “Shush,” you chuckle, “I know, I know. I’m not good in that either. But do you remember the infinity the numbers held? Thousands and hundreds of numbers can go on and on. Decimals go on and on but they’re much smaller than those thousands–sometimes even insignificant, especially when we’re talking about bucks and dough. However, they also hold an infinity, Jungkook. Small things can have immeasurable value. Small worlds of their own, small universes of their own, they are more than what they appear to be. And knowing you, Kook, I know you want to make your mom happy. That’s more than enough to be a dream. That’s more than enough to be a reason to motivate you to keep living.”

           Jungkook nods and he sinks further in your embrace. “But you know I still want to find my passion, Y/N, right?”

           “You’ll find it, Jungkook. I know you can. If you need help, I’ll be here by your side.”

           “Thank you, Y/N. Thank you so much.”

           A moment of silence passes before Jungkook breaks it again. He sighs, “I'm sorry for-for doing all these. It's dumb, I know."

           "It is,” you pat his back, “But it’s okay, we’ll get over them eventually. Part of growing up.”

           "I'm sorry I've always been a shitty friend. I can't forgive myself for what Taeyong and the others did to you."

           "It's okay. You've already apologized and I've long forgiven you."

           “I'm sorry I’m not yet someone you could be proud of."

           "Don't say that. You know I've always loved you being my friend. It's all I could ever ask for."

           "I-I just thought I’m becoming too much like my dad–fucking up mom’s life, fucking up other’s lives, never doing anything right. I’m afraid to be the source of my mom’s sadness again so–so I figured if I left her, she’ll do and feel much better.”

           “Do you think she’ll actually feel better if her one and only knight in shining armor leaves her?”

           Jungkook shakes his head. “No.”

           He could feel you smiling against his jacket. “You already know the answer, Kook, so stop comparing yourself with your dad. You’re not fucking up anyone’s lives here.” You pull yourself away to look at him again, “Oh and I’m sorry too for talking too many shits about your dad. It might have been too painful for you.”

           “It’s okay,” Jungkook pulls you and presses your head against his chest again. “I got over him already. He’s just plain horrible to me. He deserve all those shits.”

           “Okay, if you say so.”

           Jungkook hums and he feels you flutter your eyes close as you sink again in his embrace. He relishes the feeling of your warmth he has missed for long months.  He shifts in his place to have his arms in level with your head and before you could ask what’s wrong, he caresses your hair and whispers against your head, “Can we stay like this for a while? I kinda missed my little peanut otor-nim.”

           He could feel your smile grow into a grin. “Of course, Kook. I missed my StarKook, too.”

           The last buses have long been gone on the streets, the night much darker than the one in your hometown, but the stars that twinkle above the two of you have never burned this bright. You knew this midnight can easily outshine the million ones you’ve had in your whole lifetime.

           In the morning, you and Jungkook went home. He went straight to his mom to ask for forgiveness and he’s never been happier in his life to feel his own voice reverberating again on his end of your metal-can-and-strings phone.

             "Hi, Y/N. I-I'm back. Thank you for bringing me home."

 --

             The following day, Jungkook finds himself in a green field two blocks away from his home and a football shoved under his nose.

           “What’s this?”

           “A football.”

           Jungkook scoffs. “yeah, no shit, Y/N.” You open your mouth and before you can utter some witty comeback, Jungkook cuts right to the chase. “Why are we here anyway?”

           You raise your eyebrows at him, lips tugged into a smirk. “I thought we’re going to find your passion?”

           “In here?” Jungkook gawks, “We’re no longer kids to be playing, Y/N.”

           “Oh but we, are!” you grin and you start running ahead of him. “You already know my passion is to write, Kook! And when I write, I feel like a child! Children have this thing of knowing what they want. They find it easier to be happy than adults. But remember, we adults have been children before. We only need to really open our hearts to remember what it felt like. We can do paintings tomorrow, miniature sculptures the next day, visit the planetarium on the other day; but for now, let’s do football. It was our favorite game when we were toddlers, remember?” You turn back to him and spread out your arms. “So what do you say, Kook? Play football with me?”

           “Fine with me,” Jungkook hollers and he kicks the ball so far he could already see losing your breath running for it. The rustle of the grass felt too new in his ears as the greens bend to the loud crunches of his shoes. He could be running close behind you but he could tell you’re already sporting a large grin growing on your face.

           You giggle, nearing the spot where the ball has stopped. “We haven’t set our goalposts yet!”

           “Worry about it later! Just worry how you’ll catch up with me with your cute ass legs!”

           “You’re really asking for it huh? Here you go!” you kick the ball farther away, but not as far as your bestfriend did–just a couple of five large steps Jungkook knows he can easily make. “Argh! Damn my short legs! Hey, Kook, wait for me!”

           Jungkook laughs and before he knew it, you two have become children again getting acquainted in the sandbox where the story of the Star Prince originated. Unheeding to the the noise of the city, to the stares of other people, the both of you let the green field become your own world, your own universe filled with countless wonders of lights and stars just like the utopic Constellatia you created for you and him. However, this time, the stars don’t reside in Constellatia, but in yours and Jungkook’s eyes.

           When you went home, he told you he wanted to play football again and for the following weeks, you led him to countless green fields to play with you. It wasn’t until the next month came did he find his passion for the sport. You came home muddy and messy but Jungkook returned with a newfound dream and a song in his heart he never heard before. You don’t need to place your hand flat on his chest for him to know his heart started to tune itself to the melody of your name.

 --

             The third time Jungkook was reminded again of the philosophy the four-year-old you have created, it finally had a name. Unknowingly, the things you said no longer involved the universes in general, but instead him and you, and the things he started to feel for you.

           “’Microcosm, from the Greek words micros kosmos. To have humankind be regarded as the epitome of the universe’,” Jungkook looks at you, smirking. “Wow, you’re doing real good with our project for our literature class. How come you can easily define these words without using a dictionary? I mean,” he scrambles for his own paper, “look at mine: ‘Microcosm means small cosmos.’ I struggled for like twenty minutes just for this four-worded shit!”

           “It sounds fine to me,” you shrug.

           “No, not for me. Yours still look the best.”

           “I still think yours is okay,” you lay your back down on the mat Jungkook has spread on the grass. “Leonardo da Vinci once said ‘simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.’”

           Jungkook chuckles and follows suit, hands supporting his head as a pillow, his eyes set straight towards the night sky.

           University ended early today, which granted you and him to spend the rest of your free time biking and chilling. Of course it was Jungkook who did all the biking with you sitting behind him on the makeshift seat he added behind his on his bicycle. You’re still learning how to ride a bike and Jungkook would rather cut his arm than let you on a bike again so soon as the last time you did, you almost crashed into a speeding car. Nevertheless, the night was fun. You had dinner in Mark’s, stopped by an arcade, bought keychains for each other at a street event you passed by (a pink bunny for Jungkook and a blue sleepy cat for you), and now you’re here, stretched out on the mat you packed, staring at the stars while you compare your notes in your class.

           Glancing at you, now talking about another piece you’re writing, Jungkook wonders how he’s been too lucky lately. He was able to snag the same class with you in Comparative Literature even if it wasn’t even offered in his program in Computer Science just so he can have one common class with you. Hell, he still can’t believe how he managed to get in this prestigious college with a sports scholarship just so he can be by your side as long as his chances could let him. He first thought it would be pretty weird not to have you by his side when you practically grew up together. However, now, the heat that creeps in his chest, cheeks, and ears that makes his fingers tingly and his feet jumpy whenever he’s with you, he’s no longer sure if his initial reason to study in this college was still the same as the one he now holds in his heart. If there’s proof, it had to be his stubbornness to tell you that he actually just applied in Comparative Literature to see your sappy face (that weirdly started becoming too pretty in his eyes) and the sparkle of your eyes. They said when people talk about their passion and dreams, there’s some otherworldly light and shine you can see in their eyes that makes them glow with so much beauty and God was your beauty utterly astounding when he saw those stars in your eyes in that class for the very first time. He hopes that he also looks that attractive to you when he talks about football even if he’s practically showered in sweat and mud– wait, what–

           “Jungkook,” at the sound of your voice, Jungkook whips his head to you, warmth searing in his chest and his ears. You seem unknowing to the thunderous beats in his ribcaged heart as you say, “I…what do you think about sending my story about the Star Prince to a publishing company? I know I just wrote, like, two chapters about him and his adventures, and of course I’m still not sure about them but I think they would be nice enough for a debut work, right?”

           Jungkook turns to you on his side. You follow suit and as soon as your gazes interlocked, Jungkook felt the need to look a little bit away from the hazels of your eyes before he stutters on his own words. “I-I think it would be great, Y/N. I mean, the Constellatia was a pretty awesome world and I bet other kids would also like to hear about it just like how I did back then and still do now.”

           You shift closer to him and Jungkook gulps. “You sure? You’re not just sucking up to me just because I helped you with our define-it-yourself project?”

           “Wh-what are you saying? Of course not. I know you’re good and I’m not lying when I say so.” Jungkook bites the corner of his lips. “When are you sending the copy to the publisher?”

           “I’m planning to send the online copy tomorrow and the hardcopy on the other day. It would have been better if I could give them the hardcopy tomorrow, too, so by the time my birthday comes,” you giggle, “I can have their feedback as a surprise birthday present. But I think it would be impossible to do since finding a ride to the city is hard and–

           “I’ll drive you tomorrow there.”  

           “With your bike?” you scrunch your forehead, “won’t it be too hard for you to drive that long with another person adding weight to the back?”

           Jungkook doesn’t know what the hell he’s spewing out right now but he feels it’s right to just let them out. “But I want to. So you can have their feedback soon as you said. And you know I can,” he smirks, “I have the Jeon Effect by my side.”    

           “Oh, fucking stop with that!” you laugh, playfully punching his shoulder, and Jungkook chortles as he makes faces at you. When the hysterics tone down, you brought his attention back, “But no, seriously, are you sure?”

           “Yes, I’m sure. I want to do that.”

           True to his word, Jungkook drove you to the publishing company the next day. You submitted your work, your bestfriend treated you in a café (“Early birthday gift so I won’t bother to remember the date again and again–” “Damn you, Kook!” “Just kidding, sappy face!” “Don’t call me that!”), and went back to your dormitories with a smile on your faces and your hearts warm enough to keep you from the cold of the night.

           Jungkook believed in mutual exchanges. He believed in order for a relationship– whatever form they are–needs some giving and taking. These instances provide the knowledge of assurance: assurance that the promises uttered will be kept, assurance that you mean good and nothing else, assurance that one is not alone in this connection. Such things are needed because it provides solace to a disturbed mind and soul, like some new batteries for a flashlight stored in the emergency kit. All his life, Jungkook felt it was you who kept on giving and giving in your friendship and he felt guilty for not being able to do anything for you in return. Night upon night, he wishes to his lucky stars to give him at least one shot to let him return the favor and day after day, his wish gets delayed. So when his chance came when the stars aligned in your birthday, Jungkook, for the first time in a long while, didn’t know what to do.

           “What do you mean she hasn’t turned up in her night classes?” Jungkok’s voice sounded hoarse and exasperated as the worry wears on him in beady cold sweats on his forehead.

           “I told you, man” Jimin says on the other line, “Y/N’s not here. I asked Hoseok hyung and Seokjin hyung who were in her communication class before the one I’m taking with her right now and they also said she was nowhere in sight.”

           “Fuck.” Jungkook curses in his breath and immediately changes his training shoes into the sneakers he wore earlier that day, phone still lodged between his ear and shoulder.

           “You alright, man?” He could hear Jimin’s own worried voice on the other end but he can’t will himself to focus on his friend as he crams his training clothes in his gym bag, along with his birthday gift for you.

           At the lack of response, Jimin decides to give some assurance. “I will keep looking around for her, too, and I’ll let you know immediately.”

           “Thanks, man,” Jungkook manages to mutter and by the time he ends the call, he’s already sprinting away from the football field, leaving Taehyung and his teammates perplexed and shouting for him to come back.

           Times like this, Jungkook thanks himself for having enough knowledge about you that you share in bits and chunks that can easily help him in piecing things together. That’s why at the twentieth minute mark of running around the campus, Jungkook isn’t surprised to find you sitting on the abandoned swings of the park behind your dorm you two always frequent. What he didn’t expect to find though were the fat tears running down from your swollen eyes.

           Jungkook immediately rushes to your side, falling on his knees in front of you from the sudden skid he did on a downslope but the pain didn’t bother him as he cups your face in his large hands. “He-hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

           You shake your head, “I-it’s nothing. I-it’s stupid.” You try to tear your gaze away from him to wipe your tears but Jungkook beats you to it when the rough pads of his thumbs wipe them away for you.

           “It’s not nothing when you’re crying about it, especially when it’s your birthday.”

           At the mention of your birthday, you cry harder and Jungkoook bites his lips as he hugs you, running his hand soothingly on your back, breathing in even breaths for you to follow to calm down. He can wait until you’re ready to talk.

           Jungkook remembers why his mother meant when she told him that when he cries, it also breaks her heart. He’s always seen you smiling whenever you’re with him that when he sees you crying, it becomes too painful to bear. It hurts much more when he knows the times he’s seen you cried like this was because of his stupidity and insensitiveness. He closes his eyes to shake those memories away as he hugs you tighter. It’s different now. He swore to himself he’ll never make you cry again.

           It takes a few more minutes for you to calm down. When your breathing finally evens out, Jungkook feels you pulling away to look at him. You don’t meet his eyes but the squeeze of your hand on his own reassures him you’re ready to talk.

           “The-the manuscript we sent was rejected.”

           Jungkook’s eyes widens. “Wha-what?”

           “The publishing company thought that my idea of a universe created by one single prince for his princess is ridiculous. The-they said tha-that it would have at least an once of chance of getting published if I didn’t lack so much in my writing skills. I-I really tried my best, Jungkook, and I also expected rejection bu-but I didn’t imagine it will hurt this bad.” You start tearing up again and Jungkook instantly opens his arms to let you fall in his embrace again.

           “I-I thought I really had my shot, you know,” you try to stifle your cries in Jungkook’s shoulder, “But you know what, maybe they’re right. I’m not that good, Kook. Not even close.”

           “Hey, don’t say that.” Jungkook pulls away to look at you. He wipes the fresh tears that have fallen and tucks your fringes that have stuck on your tear-stained cheeks away from your face. “It’s just the first time we tried to send a copy for publishing. And yes, rejection is highly probable but this doesn’t mean you have to stop. It always happens! Look at me! I was rejected in the football tryout in our last year in high school, but did that stop me from continuing football? No. No one can tell me what to do with my life and my dreams, except me. No one can bring down the Jeon Effect, you know?” Jungkook tries a smile and when he sees your lips curve a little, relief slowly creeps to soothe the tightness in his chest. “Not only in football, I was also rejected in the drama club! The people there told me I got no experience with the sound and light controls but did that hindered me from doing just that? No. I tried for another application in the second semester and they got me as a trainee but at least, I’ve got better chances now.” Jungkook rubs his neck, “I know this probably really rubs off on me, like I’m probably the King of Rejections right now, but you get what I mean right?”

           You nod and when he sees you wiping your tears with a smile growing on your tired face, Jungkook  feels like he could straight up go to paradise.

           “Maybe that publishing company isn’t ready for you yet and that’s okay because we will keep trying and working hard, right?”

           “Yeah.”

           “So don’t cry anymore, okay?”

           “Okay.”

           “Here, I got you your birthday gift.” Jungkook rummages through his gym bag and before you can have a clear view of what he’s pulled out, you could already feel his gift’s warmth on your chest.

           “I knitted you a scarf; scarlet red like your favorite color. I kinda wanted to put more effort in your birthday this year so yeah,” Jungkook finishes the loop around your neck, “I made you this. Hope you like it.”

           “This…” you trail off, eyes still in wonder of the fabric, “wow it feels so soft. I can’t imagine you actually made this.”

           “Believe me I did,” Jungkook chuckles. “You know you’re the only one who I’ll spend this much effort in making gifts.”

           “R-really?”

           Jungkook smiles. “Yeah.”

           The night dwindles further into midnight yet the two of you didn’t mind. The bitter cries and sobs were now replaced with laughter and wonderful stories. Jungkook told you the first escape from training he did tonight and you told him the classes you skipped classes today for the very first time. Jungkook talked about the gingerbread man story he wants to animate for his class and you brought nostalgia to the both of you as you narrated the story of the Golden Prince and his Rose just like how you first told it to him. All of it have been a blur of solace, happiness, and innocence in Jungkook’s mind. However, Jungkook felt the whole world stop when you looked at him through his eyes and said one sentence that changed everything about you, him, and his feelings for you that don’t seem to be the way they appear.

           “I remember the night sky I saw in my childhood whenever I look at you.”

           Jungkook stills, throat dry, eyes wide. “I-I-Why?”

           You chuckle, “Because you always remind me of everything we’ve been through a-and everything we can be.”

           Jungkook slept that night running your words in his head over and over again. The warmth that have constantly resided in his chest ever since you’ve taken him to the green fields have now turned into a widespread wildfire, waking up every nerve in his body and lighting them up as if he is made of every bit of starlight and stardust in the universe.

           Jungkook felt the need to lay his palm against his chest to feel id his heart is still actually intact or has it already gone with the wind with his brain cells who kept on singing the syllables of your name. Little did he know, this will just be just the start of his own pursuit to match the gravitational forces of attraction between your universe and his, not as the Golden Prince, but as Jeon Jungkook–your childhood bestfriend and your little prince.

Epilogue

1. Falling in love is similar to the feeling of belongingness. To be in love, is to become a friend.

2. Falling in love needs self-discovery andself-development. To be in love is to love yourself.

3. Falling in love feels like owning a whole other dimension you've never heard of with another person. To be in love is to be brave enough for the fall, all risks and benefits be disregarded.

           Jungkook bites the cap of his ballpen. Yeah, this is enough of a storyboard for the animation for his project.

           On the table beside his notebook for his major Computer Science and his letter from the Korea Football Association, is a pink envelope with a golden crown. Peering from it is a cream-colored paper with his illustration of your golden prince and a red rose.

"Dear princess,

By now, the sprout I have sent you last year’s Valentines must have bloomed. Sunflowers symbolize longevity of love, adoration, and joy (I researched about this, you know ;D). They’ve always known how to find the light and all throughout my life, I’ve always been motivated by your light and the light of the worlds you created for your readers, for you and me. I know this is getting cheesy but I figured they’re enough to carry the message and the weight of my feeling for you and I hope, these flowers have made you happy.

On the side note, please enjoy this film I created of how I came to love you, just as much as how I enjoyed falling in love with you.

Love from a faraway land,

Jeon Jungkook, your little prince. 

P.S. By the time you finish reading this, I’m probably behind you now with a bunch of roses and a cheesy eyecandy outfit trying to ask you out for a date. I hope you say yes”

A/N pt. 2 | HI HONS! I MISSED YOU ALL! I know I’ve been off the site quite for long so I this is my way of making it up to you guys! Lately, I’ve been struggling with writing and when my uni announced a week-long break, all my lucky stars aligned to help me sleep more, write more, and enjoy more. I worked on this fic for like a whole week after weeks of inactivity, so please send me what you think about it! (Seriously, I need this, hons. I need to know if I’ve improved or not. *Lowkey me trying to get some compliments and love too because balancing my life between being a content creator and a uni student can be quite hard and some love can really do wonders for me, you know? Hehe)

Thank you for the support you’ve all been giving me! I love you, hons!

           Your name weighs so much more on his tongue than the countless people who gravitated around him through the years, and your smile is enough for him to get him through the whole day as the image of you always stay imprinted in his mind, a memory fresh enough for him to bring back before his eyes even if he didn’t intend to. It doesn’t even leave him a choice; he always sees you.

           He’s been stubborn for the past two years to acknowledge that his heart is bearing feelings more than what friendship demands and now that the knowledge of being in love with you has finally sunk in, it’s only then that he realized that everything about you comes in full force.  What were trivial things before in the back of his mind are now a magnitude of-of everything! A smile, a laughter, a contact of your skin against his–everything is overwhelming and he’s relishing in every bit of it.

           “Hey, Kook,” you said, lips pulled into semi-smile as you raise your knuckles aligned to his.

           Jungkook quirks a smile in return and bumps his fist with yours. The  past ten years with you are not enough to erase the things you’ve made tradition with him, promises from juvenile pinky swears of a “special greeting just between the two of us”  solidified in the years you’ve grown with him. And damn, he likes every bit of it but it’s not like he’d admit it to you aloud.

           Everything he’s feeling right now are yet for you to know.  He needs more time and courage to make you fully understand how much you mean to him.

           Jungkook could already feel the heat cupping the expanse of his cheeks, so he cracks a grin, grabs your backpack, and turns his back to head to the lecture room before you can even glimpse at the reds that may have already bloomed on his face.

           “Hey! Give my bag to me!” you huff as you catch up to his walking figure.

           “I’ll carry it,” Jungkook  says, “it looks like you needed help doing it.”

           “I do not!”

           Jungkook laughs. You’ve been complaining about the ache on your back for the past week and you have the nerve to deny it with a straight face as if he hasn’t been giving you some back massage in between your breaks for the past days. Anyway, he won’t say it out loud. He knows you hate it when you appear weak and vulnerable to the people around you. 

           Jungkook  glances at you. “What’s your first class?”

           You grumble behind him, “Physics.”

           “Then I’ll drop you there.”

           “You sound like my dad, but whatever. You liked carrying my bag all the way to the next building? Be free to do so.”

           Jungkook could feel a small, lithe hand make  its way to hold his much larger one and before he can choke on his own breath, he mutters a rushed “I’ll be happy to do so, Y/N.” before falling into silence with you.

 //

             It’s four o’clock and his classes are finished and Jungkook feels like throwing up. It’s true that feelings do have this sickeningly delicious power to kill thoughts because for the past hour, one single thing is being stirred in his heart and mind: he’s about to fuck up.

           Jungkook blames it on his damn friend and roommate, Park Jimin.

           “So…whaddya gonna do on the day of the hearts?”

           Jungkook looks up from the code he’s typing on his laptop to give his friend a raised brow. “Day of the hearts?”

           Jimin  scrunches his forehead. “Duh, Valentines. It’s five days from now and everyone’s been quipping about it since last week. Hell, I even saw some girl slip in a pink envelope in your locker for the third time this day.”

           Jungkook clicks his tongue. “Ugh, why do they keep on sending their confessions when it’s clear I already have set my eyes on someone.”

           Jimin looks at him funny. “’Cus no one actually knows that you already have a special lady. Even Y/N doesn’t even know she’s the reason of your gooey heart eyes.”

           “I do not have gooey heart eyes.”

           “Yeah, you do. Alllll the time.”

           “Fine,” Jungkook tears the headphones from his ears and sets it on his neck, “okay, I get it. I’m dumb and a big ass coward to admit to my bestfriend I’m fucking in love with her. But I already got things covered, man. Got the letter, the pink envelope, and the golden crown already prepared. I’ll drop it on the 14th in her locker.”

           Jimin hums, totally unsatisfied. But before Jungkook goes back to his homework, his friend’s words stuck word per word on the back of his mind that prevented him to have an ounce of sleep for the next few days:

           “Don’t you want to do something more than just sending her love letters in the guise of the ‘Little Prince’?”

           This is the reason why he fucking spent his two-hour break rummaging through his closet for an “eyecandy” get-up–the ever plain black bomber, black shirt, and ripped jeans–instead of napping and redeeming the dark circles under his eyes. This is also the very reason why he is currently dying on the bench of the campus grounds after you just replied to his “Hey, you free today?” with “Yeah, what’s up?” Why his hands are shaking and sweaty and his chest feels like about to combust? He just fucking sent you an adrenaline-induced-self-hatred-and-anxiety-propelled reply of “Valentines, hoe.”  And all of this just happened FIVE MINUTES ago and he’s not yet doing anything in his listed plan and he’s already fucking things up!

           Fuck Park Jimin, fuck this goddamn stupid plan, everything’s gonna fail and–

           “What’s up, Kook?”

           Jungkook nearly cries out a banshee scream but luckily, a heavy hand slapping on his shoulder is enough to wake him up.

           “My God, what’s up with you? Are you okay?” you plopped down beside him.      

           “O-oh, umm yeah, Y/N, hi!” Jungkook stammers. You’re still dressed in the same clothes this morning–rose pink oversized sweater and faded blue jeans, probably forgoing your three-hour break to finish the storyboarding of the new play for the drama club with the other writers. But still, you look as dazzling as ever and Jungkook finds it necessary for his poor heart to add just an inch of space between you two before your hand could graze his burning skin.

           If you’re unsettled by the blatant weirdness he’s displaying in public, you didn’t show it. “Soo,” you look at him, “what’s with Valentines?”

           “Oh-Umm. We’re single?”

           Your mouth hangs open. “Yeah, well no shit, Sherlock Jungkook.  What’s that got to do with you asking me if I’m free–oh wait,” you frowned at him, “are you trying to prank me? ‘Cause if you are, I’d rather spend–”

           “No, this is not a prank! I-I-” Jungkook closes his eyes and breathes. “I got some tickets to an open-ground concert tonight and obviously, I could have asked anyone to come with me–because you know? The Jeon Effect is irresistible–but since you’re single and you’re ready to mingle, why not hang out with me?”

           “…So…your point is?”

           Jungkook smiles, shoulders and hopes raised, “Go out with me?”

           “You know, you could have just said that out loud without rambling some idiotic nonsense.”

           “Where’s the idiotic nonsense in what I said?”

           “You rhyming ‘single’ with ‘mingle’ and that goddamn Jeon Effect.”

           “But it’s true! The Jeon Effect is irresistible!”

           “Say that to my fist.”

           “Hi Y/N’s fist! The Jeon Effect is really irresistible, no?”

           “Oh, shut up!”

 //

             Thirty minutes later, you and a jumpy Jungkook are walking by the town plaza, heading to god knows what is stored in your bestfriend's mind. The concert is scheduled not any later than eight and the two of you are just wandering around to pass the free three hours.

           Despite the straight face you're currently sporting, you don't actually mind spending the rest of your afternoon with him. Valentines is an overrated event, a marketing act to get couples to go out and spend and do extra cheesy public displays of affection. However, you can't deny the beauty lying beneath of it all. The town looked like spring in pastel pink swept over it: pink and red dozens of flowers filled every space and corner of the street in wrapped bouquets or wooden baskets, romantic designs in wall arts and frosted glass panes littered every store, and varying sizes of cut-out hearts hung above the streetlamps, stringed next to each other to form lines and lines of them that it seems like they’ve corded throughout the city. You might be biased because red is your favorite color but the beauty and art surrounding you cannot go unnoticed. It's there right around you, blatantly laid out just for you to see and look at–just like the stupid face your bestfriend is pulling right in front of you.

           You don't know how the hell he is now stuck literally by your side when moments ago you're walking side by side, arms-length apart.

           "So...where do you wanna go?" Jungkook asks.

           "I don't know, wherever you wanna go to."

           "Hmm," Jungkook looks around before stopping on something and then he's grinning back at you, "Let's go there, yeah?"

           Before you can take a glimpse of what he saw, he's already running to the right side of the road, taking you in tow with your hand clasped in his grip, his warmth enveloping the entirety of your hand.

           You don't even know why you're complaining mentally; you actually don't mind feeling his warmth against yours nor the fact that you're just following his lead to god knows where.

           "You do know you have long ass legs, Kook, and I'm barely catching up."

           Jungkook slows down a bit but not enough for you to pace back into walking, and oh, your hand still in his.  He looks back at you, "Well, It's because you got cute little legs so you gotta catch up."

           "Are we there yet?"

           Moments of breathless huffs and people staring curiously at the both of you pass before  Jungkook abruptly stops and breathes "We're here." A small shop is in front of you two with huge, clear glass windows that enable you to see the decorative displays of frosted pastries and fresh sandwiches. The pastel pink and white awning is tapered with gold lines and a cursive "Lovers' Lounge" is neatly drawn on the glass with a cute heart right beside it.

           Jungkook hurriedly opens the door for you and you step inside to be hit with the enticing aroma of roasted beans and baked dough. Along with the sensation is a sickening view of countless couples sitting on heart-shaped couches fawning over each other that you can hardly see anyone touching the cakes and croissants served on their tables.

           You immediately whipped your head to face your bestfriend. "Jungkook, I think this isn't the place we're supposed to go–”

           "Good afternoon, Sir, what would you like to have with your girlfriend?"

           Girlfriend?! Your mouth drops open and before you can voice out a "No, we're just friends," your bestfriend has already pulled you to his side with his arm wound around your waist, drawing you so close that you can smell the cedarwood he probably sprayed this morning.

           "Umm, we would like two caramel macchiatos and a set of glazed doughnuts," Jungkook pauses and looks at you smiling. "What else do you like, my Y/N?"

           What.the.absolute.fuck. Jeon Jungkook has finally lost his mind.

           Taking in your scrunched forehead and ajar mouth, Jungkook cuts right in and finishes his order with "and a platter of carbonara, thank you." He then leads you to the right corner of the shop and before everything that just happened settle down in your consciousness, you're sitting face to face with your bestfriend wearing the dumbest grin he could ever pull.

           "What the fuck, Jungkook?" you hissed, "What's with the arm thingy and-and-and the ‘my Y/N’ cringey shit? What–”

           "Shh!" Jungkook clamps his hand over your mouth but you slap it away and scowled at him.

           Jungkook chuckles, "My god, you look so cute right now."

           "I ain't being cute! What the fuck just happened on the counter?"

           "This is a couples' restaurant, Y/N. Jimin told me that they'll have all foods free for couples this Valentines Day starting from twelve noon until five, and look," Jungkook peeks at his watch, “it's 4:57. Just in time.”

           "Oh...that's why you didn't pay anything on the counter."

           "Exactly. Now we just gotta pretend we're a couple whenever the servers near us and we're good to go." Jungkook sits back and wiggles his eyebrows. "So what do you say?"

           "Hmm'kay. I'm not saying no to free food after all, but," you faced him, your lips in a straight line, "next time you have some ridiculous shit up your sleeve, it would be nice if you inform me first, you know? I don't like surprises."

           "You don't like surprises?" Jungkook gawks. "Then what about the impulsive camping I dragged you to last October? Or the surprise pillow fort I made on your room for your birthday last year? You were even getting cheesy with 'oh my god, Jungkook, thank you so much, I love you–”

           "That's different! And-and I didn't even say 'I love you'–I just expressed my gratitude and appreciation with 'thanks, Kook, for being a great friend and all!'"

           "Same context though," Jungkook shrugs, "I know you love me, just admit it."

           When you don't answer, Jungkook laughs and it wasn’t long before the waitress comes with your order on the tray. As she places each dish on your table, you took a peek at your bestfriend who’s ogling the pasta platter and you think it wouldn’t hurt if you concede to his request. It wasn’t really a request, but with the way he’s been going nonstop about it whenever you hangout, it’s likely he won’t stop soon until he hears it. It’s not like you mind doing it anyway–probably close enough to liking it because your chest don’t feel so heavy when you mutter "Fine, I love you.”

           The look on Jungkook's eyes is something else, something you've never seen before. It's warm and familiar that it's easy to draw out the loud and obnoxious six-year-old you've befriended with your large story book even after the years he has grown. But the way he's looking at you is different and you don't know what the hell it means or the sudden warmth that wraps around you when it should be only felt by your right hand as he intertwines his fingers with yours.

           Under the soft tangerine glow of the light, he pulls a tender smile and for the first time, it doesn't look so dumb.

//

           Silence was both your companion for the next hour that followed. Not like the awkward emptiness, or the sudden quietness that sweeps over after a hearty conversation, it was most definitely not the comfortable calm Jungkook was seeking. It felt like a silent film–soundless but so full of momentum, the kind where a slight of a movement is enough to break things aloud. Jungkook could attest to it. He doesn’t know what the hell transpired in the café, how he suddenly gained his friend, Seokjin’s, cringey confidence to attempt to woo you with cheesy lines, but if he’s going to be honest, the ballads ringing atop the lungs of the birds in his chest is not solely caused by his courting shenanigans. The hint of pinkness on the apples of your cheeks, the sweet, fond smile you sent his way, and that goddamn soft “I love you” were all it took to set everything in him ablaze. The night blooms further, the skyline turns obsidian, and he can’t still feel his heart.

           The boy takes a peek at you and the same old doubts replay in his head–what are you thinking? Do you like him planning not-so-dates like this? Do you feel a little bit better when he do stuffs like this? It may have been Jimin’s idea to get him out of his comfort zone but it wasn’t the sole reason that moved him to man up and try his hand again in trying to make you feel what you make him feel.

           Jungkook isn’t blind. The half-smile you flashed at him first thing in the morning was already a sign. You’ve been…acting different for the past few days. Your eyes don’t hold the same spark they usually do when you smile, your lips won’t easily curve upward like they instantly do when you see him, and you even skipped your three-hour break you usually use for nap times with him for working again on the storyboard he knows you’ve already prepared since last week. The worst of it, you felt so far from him when you’ve always been so near and just within his reach. You haven’t sent him anything–no “hey, Jungkook, what do you think of this prose?”, no “StarKook! I’ve been running out of ideas go send me oooneee,” not even the usual “Jungkook? I’m feeling sad. Come over?” you usually send him just to let him stay at your dorm and hear you rant out about another bitch in class or a declined manuscript. No text, no chat–just plain nothing. It’s not just because of the pain in your back; there’s obviously something more and Jungkook can’t think of any other way to make you feel better than going out of his way to make you feel loved. He didn’t just get two tickets to the local band you’ve been gushing over last month; he practically spent a night fighting for them on an online sold out. He didn’t come up of going to some random heart-decor-filled place to walk around; he remembered you telling him a year ago about this town plaza that goes the extra mile on whatever event or holiday. All of them are just small details but the thing is, you always communicate with him in these minute details that over the years of reading between the lines you text him and hearing the underlying shifts of tone of your voice, Jungkook already knows the truth behind the things you say before you can even utter them out. He has always known you and if this is what he has to do to re-discover you again, Jungkook would willingly do everything.

           Jungkook looks at you again and this time your gaze connects to his.

           “What are you looking at?”

           “Nothing. Just you and your sappy face.”

           “As if you don’t have a dumb face,” you mumbled but Jungkook still hears them and he laughs. It didn’t take a second for you to follow, and by then the tinkling of your laughter has already surrounded the two of you in a calming haze as you head to the green field.

 //

             The concert ground looked like velvet gardens of green as the pastel-colored lights overhead drape the sea of people in soft hues of spring. Jungkook doesn’t remember much of the names of the people who sparked conversations with you as you both sat on the picnic blanket he laid out or the names the acoustic band list off to which they dedicate their songs to. But every bit of the song–the melody, the beat, and the lyrics stay embedded in his mind that he’s certainly write in his little black notebook as soon as he went back to the dorm. It was almost like a therapy; the soft strumming of guitars, the warm, soulful voices of the singers, the wonderful keys of the piano, and the unexpected upbeat interludes almost sent everyone into a different world as all sorts of feelings evaded everyone’s senses. People sang along, some moved their heads, a few couples slow danced on the grass and Jungkook can also see the effect on you. The straight face you wore when you first came in melted into a peaceful one and it was enough to tell everything; your contented smile and mirthful eyes that he’ll sure draw in the very same black notebook where he keeps all the poems and prose you have sent to him. You didn’t get to sing along with everyone but he knows you enjoyed every bit of the concert because even when the bands are gone and so is everyone else, it looks like you can’t find it in yourself to get up and leave just yet. So Jungkook just stays and waits, relishing every minute he could get with you by his side before tomorrow comes and Friday classes sets you apart from him again.

           It was only a matter of minutes though before he finally gets his answers.

           “Have you ever felt like…being stuck in one place and never moving at all?”

           Jungkook looks at you and licks his lips before answering, “Hmm…I do but…It’s been a while  though.”

           “For me it is too. But it hit me full force just recently,” you pause and then you looked at him. “And it fucking sucks. It feels so terrible.”

           “What is?”

           “Not being able to write anything,” you put your hand before you and clenched it before spreading it out again. “My hand yearns to type again, something–a word, a phrase, whatever, and it just…can’t. I can’t. I thought having my manuscripts continuously declined again and again, again and again, is the worst I could get until this feeling of idleness starts to consume you. Fuck, it isn’t even a feeling at all–just a thought but it’s been killing other thoughts that it’s the only thing you could think of just like what feelings do. Jungkook,” you turn to him and it was only then that Jungkook sees the unshed tears brimming in your eyes, “I fe-feel like I’m not improving at all-just stuck and useless in this limbo and everyone has their eyes on me constantly supporting me and my stuff or lying in wait when I will finally fall and I just…feel so pressured too but what’s unsettling is that I, myself, is even disappointed at what I’ve become. What’s the purpose of being a writer if I can’t write?”

           And everything hits Jungkook. A sliver of youth-filled days, blown dandelions, and naivety and immaturity running through his veins – the memory of the fourteen-year old you and the seventeen-year old him who were talking about much mature questions of your indefinite future, too heavy for your premature minds.

           “What do you want to do in your life, Jungkook?”

           “I don’t know...I’m not good in anything yet,” Jungkook murmured and he hunched his shoulders when you nudged him another dandelion for him to hold but he accepts it anyway. “What about you?”

           “I’m going to be a writer! A very good one,” you beamed, giggling, your eyes resembling half moons.

           Jungkook just stared at you. He’s never seen eyes so bright like yours before. When you looked at him with your forehead furrowed, he broke from his stupor and mumbled, “T-that’s great. I-I’m kinda embarrassed I still don’t know what I’m good at. I-I’m already seventeen and I have to repeat three years in school because I’m dumb and can’t get anything right–”

           “Hey!” you cut him off and the frown that suddenly settled on your face made him nervous. “You’re not dumb!”

           “B-but I am. I mean look, the kids of my age are already seniors and I’m still here in junior high and they probably have their lives planned ahead before them and here I am, still figuring things out and fucking things up. Even you have already your dreams! Whi-while I’m here…just unmoving and not growing.”

           “You know, you can’t compare one’s growth with another.” You stood up and patted the fallen buds of the countless dandelions you’ve blown in your garden. Your mother would probably kill you but you couldn’t care less. You grabbed the pot of a marigold in the plant box on the right of your front door and bring it by your side as you sat beside your friend once again. “One’s growth is different to another, look," you point at the seemingly burning oranges and reds of the marigold. "A marigold only takes fourteen days for its sprout to grow from the seed and around two months before its flower starts to bloom, however," you point at the yellow dandelion planted before you, the only one standing tall with its flowers long before it becomes a seed head, "a dandelion takes two months just to grow the sprout yet in one month's time it can already start to flower." You look at him this time, "See? They grow at different times but look, they're both gonna reach their peak and they would all be beautiful!" You let your lips grow into a smile, "You know, you'll find your dream soon. Just do things at your own pace and try everything you might take interest in, you'll be able to find it in no time."

     Laughing at his blank look, you just tapped him and said "Let's just blow the dandelions away and hope for the best, hmm?"

     "Yeah." And you blew away the petals hoping it carries your dreams and hopes somewhere in the following years.

           It happened to him before, and God knows how he has to die inside night by night wondering about some indefinite uncertainty in his life. You have helped him find his way before and now, Jungkook thinks it’s time to return the favor.

           Jungkook inches his way closer to you and lays flat on the mat. You look at him questioning but he only chuckles and coaxes you to lie down too. Jungkook stretches his right arm open and that’s when you finally lay next to him with his arm cushioning your head. Up above you, countless of stars have already emerged on the indigo skyline. Jungkook raises his hand and points out a constellation. “Oh look, it’s Maui’s hook!”

           “It’s Scorpio, Kook, and it’s not even up there, it’s fucking February. You’re actually pointing at Lepus.”

           “Lepus, what’s that?” he turns to you.

           You face him unfazed. “A rabbit.”

           “How did you know that?”

           “I studied constellations last year because of a celestial character I have to write.”

           “Oh right, the star prince.”

           “Yeah.”

           “It still looks like Maui’s hook to me.”

           “Kook, it doesn’t even look like a hook! Ugh! Did you actually just ask me to lay my head on the grass to point at some random constellation?”

           “...but you’re actually laying on my arm.”

           Reds start to color your cheeks again and Jungkook bites off a giggle. “S-same context though, Jeon.”

           Jungkook chuckles and brushes your fringe away from your face. “You see, the constellations up there have different times they become visible to man. Gemini–I’m not gonna point it ‘cause i don’t know where it is–is up there. I know it is visible in Feb because Hobi hyung’s birthday is around the corner and he’s been into everyone’s Zodiac signs ever since I met him. Anyway, Leo comes later in five months, but it still reaches its peak up there.” Jungkook smiles, “See? They come at different times but they will still reach their peak!”

           Jungkook could see recognition settle in as your eyes widen and your mouth parts.  And it’s honestly so beautiful he can’t take his eyes away from you.

           “Oh my god, Kook, I can’t believe you just quoted me.”

           “See? Even the fourteen-year-old you already knew the answer.”

           “We can’t compare growths.”

           “Because everyone is growing at their own pace,” Jungkook finishes.

           “Don’t you think that it’s kinda ironic that I’m the one who advised you that and here I am getting the same exact advice this time?”

           “No. It really happens. It’s part of growing. Past events seem like they catch up at you but it’s just destined to make you remember something” Jungkook winks and you pretend to barf but your bestfriend immediately brings you back to his arms before you can even attempt to stand up. You fall back on his chest and when his laughter rings out in the open air, you can’t help but also let out the chuckles bubbling in your throat.

           The last minutes of Valentines were then spent in counting off numerous comparisons–how Russia is ahead of one day than America yet it doesn’t mean that America is far behind the latter, how an entrepreneur becomes a CEO in his twenties while a retiree just gets to experience financial peak in his seventies, how characters in a book develop in their own pace–one not much more meaningful than the other–and so many more. But apart from it all, Jungkook only thinks of one:

           You may not yet love yourself at the time everyone has already mastered every art of self-love, but you will eventually get there. And he will be with you in every step, pouring his love in many ways he could think of in hopes to help you love yourself more. It will take time, but you would surely get there.

           When you look back up at the night sky, Jungkook lets his stare remain on your face. He doesn’t need to look up anymore when a bright one is already laying next to him.

           In the open velvet grounds of green, Jungkook whispers “I love you too” and smiles.

 When you open your locker the next day, there lay the familiar pink envelope with a golden crown that never fails to make your heart flutter. However, it’s not alone. A small plastic orange pot just the size of your palm sits next to it. One day late, and quite weird how this secret admirer of yours knows the combination of your lock to put something much larger than a letter inside but you couldn’t find it in you to be bothered when you’ve always known this Little Prince have always meant good. You know it is so because if you have to admit, his good-natured letters over the year are succeeding in earning your trust, and yeah, maybe your heart too.

“Dear princess,

Happy Valentines! I’m sorry I’m one day late. I hoped you spent yesterday feeling loved by the people around you. Also, don’t get creeped out. I happened to pass by you and see your combination but promise!  I will not use it to take anything away from you. I just want to surprise you with a gift. I learned that flowers communicate meanings as well and I guessed that this plant, when it blooms, will tell you the entirety of my feelings.

Until then, I hope you take patience for this plant to bloom as I hope you would also take time to not give up on your own growth.

Lots of love from a faraway land,

The Little Prince.”

 A/N: Hi hons! Happy Valentines! I’ve been inactive lately so here’s some 5k diabetes-inducing fluff for you! Sooo we got to know some new stuff for our characters here! 1) Jungkook is definitely older than the OC and 2) He repeated three years in HS. All of this is essential for the future parts until we get to The Confession™

 Also, surprise, anon! I included your request in this :)

I appreciate all feedback so please don’t be shy! I would love talking with you guys! Take care and once more, Happy Valentines!

           Being his bestfriend for so many years, you have dealt with his too-many-to-count nonsense comebacks, childish competitiveness, annoying shenanigans, and stupid misadventures. You've helped him find his dream of playing football, tutored him for free on his difficult subjects, and...okay you've always been there to bring him back to rationality whenever he's about to do one of the stupidest things you’ll soon put down in a book titled Jungkook's Endless Shits. You even sit and wait on the bleachers for him to finish his night practices whenever you can just so you can go home together. You've also stayed up with him countless of nights, pressing down ice packs on his sore legs when he's done with long trainings and big matches on the field since high school. By now, it's obvious that he should return the favor, right? Growing up with you ever since he's a troublesome six-year-old, the idea of you being completely stuck by his side till you both grow old has already embedded itself on his head. Although back then, he meant living in a nice house in the future with your own house just across or beside his, your own families growing close to each other. Right now, however, he imagines you being with him inside his own house and building your own family. So knowing you’re one of the women who’s got the worst dysmenorrheas ever, of course, he's gotta take care of you so you'll still be alive when the day he'll finally be a man to confess these stuff to you - Okay, this is complete nonsense, so anyway-

Saturday 7:16 PM

Star Kook: on my way

Otor-nim Y/N: Thank you, Kook! Oh and bring that film Tae is Talking about.

Star Kook: Love, Rosie?

Otor-nim Y/N: Yesssss

Star Kook: Okay

Otor-nim Y/N: Have I ever told u that I LuV Ya??????

Star Kook: Ew.

 Oh god, does he wish you mean that. Please bless his rampaging heart.

 //

            Three knocks were made against the door before Jungkook uses the spare key of your room you gave to him. At the sound of your door unlocking, you look up from your haphazard state of your right leg laid on your couch and the other on the floor.

           You pull yourself to see him. "Heya Kook! That was...fast."

           "Yeah, what do you expect from me?" He gives you a smug smile, walking to your couch to land his butt alogside yours with a plop. He wouldn’t tell you that he actually spent a long ass time deciphering the best brand of pads in the convenience store. "You know I'll always be fast. It's the Jeon Effect."

           The stink eye you're giving him made him lean back and release a loud guffaw. You're probably slapping his face in your head.

           "Here's the pads. And yeah. I bought you ice cream and Chinese takeout."

           "Really?!" You turn your body towards him, eyes bright.

           Jungkook smiles, eyes mimicking the crescents of the moon. God, even if your hair has yet to feel the bristles of your brush, even if you look so pale with no make-up on, even if you practically look like death in front of him, you look so beautiful.  

           Jungkook clears his throat. "Yeah, really. Now sit down. I'll grab us some spoons, then we'll watch the movie. What do you wanna eat first? Ice cream or the take out?"

           "Hmm...I'll go with ice cream."

           "As always. Dessert before the main course."

           You chuckle as you return his grin. "Dessert before the main course."

           Ten minutes later into Love Rosie, you've already curled up on your couch, head now placed on your bestfriend’s lap when a few minutes prior it was settled on the crook of his neck and shoulder. The rhythmic feeling of Jungkook’s fingers carding through your locks was probably the culprit. Anyway, it was only then that you seemed to remember something.

           “Kook…”

           “Yeah?” Jungkook stops the movements of his fingers, angling his face towards you.

           “I forgot to grab our map.”

           “Oh yeah, okay just sit there. I’ll get it,” he says, immediately grabbing a pillow to place under your head as he scamper to your room.

           The map was easy to find. It’s folded on top of your bed, a blanket studded with colorful stars that have already faded hues through age. While it wasn’t the prettiest fabric, your blanket has served its purpose of providing you comfort and warm, even actually beyond what a blanket could provide. He remembers the seven-year-old you who claimed that this blanket wasn’t a blanket but a map – his and your map to the worlds your creative mind has planned and put into ink on paper. The stories you created grew and grew that you have to immortalize them into something tangential, something real for the fictitious tales you colored his and your life with.

           It took six years in high school before Jungkook realized that this blanket was not just a map for the Emerald Prince’s Kingdom, for the Empire of the Dandelion Lions, or for your favorite Golden Prince and his quest to reunite with his Rose. It was a blanket that always mapped his way back to his home when he ran away and you and your blanket were the only ones that accompanied him that lonely night, back to his self when you covered him in its fabric after one cold night after playing football for the very first time, and back to you when he suddenly avoided you for weeks because of the romantic feelings that grew in his ribcaged heart and all it took was one tearful night and your blanket over your heads to see you, your eyes, and the probability of him balancing the gravitational differences between your hearts. Two years have passed and Jungkook thinks his quest for your affections have also been fruitful, if the pink blush on your cheeks whenever he does surprise bear hugs and uncalled gifts were indicators of that. Anyway, Jungkook is yet to give up. He’s got more years to pour his love for you to make up for his lost chances in the previous years.

           Jungkook makes his way back to you, unfolding the blanket before draping it on your shoulders. He goes back to his seat and settles your head back on his lap. You grab his right hand to put it on your tresses and at the sound of your relieved sigh when he plays with your hair again, he chuckles. “You really like me playing with your hair, huh?”

           “Shut up, Kook.”

           Jungkook laughs. “I’m going to buy you a starry pajamas set when your birthday comes.”

           “Way to break the surprise, Jeon. Anyway, you know I’ll only wear them when you got a set that matches it so you better buy yourself one too. Who knows you’re planning to make me look hideous again.”

           “Of course, Y/N, we have to look horrible together, I’ll make sure of that.” Jungkook  doesn’t reply to your huffs of “how about you look hideous without dragging me into your stupid shits” and just tells you to focus on the movie.

           An hour and forty minutes later, the credits were rolling and Jungkook could feel your soft even breaths. He turns off the TV before crouching down to pick you up in his arms, blanket still draped on your body. You instantly snuggle into the warmth of his arms, the tip of your nose grazes the soft flesh of his neck, making him shudder.

           He sets you on your bed and tucks you comfortably in your blanket. However as he draws back to give you a good night kiss on your forehead you’ll never know off anytime soon, your right hand shoots out and grabs his, immediately sending a thousand electric bolts running rushing through his veins, from your cold hand, the fact you’re actually awake, or the possibility of him almost caught red handed, he doesn’t know.

           “Kook, y’know, Rosie and Alex are kinda stupid.”

           Oh, you’re talking about the film. Jungkook opts to sit on your bed. He doesn’t have it in himself to let your hand go. “Hmm…yeah, why is that?”

           “I don’t know…I mean, they had so many chances to just be brave and say what they felt to each other? They would have…y’know, don’t get through those stupid misunderstandings and conflicts when they just…said it aloud. Ya’get me?”

           Jungkook nods and squeezes your hand. He doesn’t know why, but it felt like a personal attack. All these things he’s been doing, all these staged fronts he pulls up just to keep his cool and not act like he’s actually whipped by you – yeah, they’re kinda stupid. But–

           You flutter your eyelashes at him and let a smile spread on your face. “I know I’m blabbing trash. Anyway, thank you for keeping me company and helping me with my shitty day…yeah…and I hope you won’t go stupid too and just say upfront whatever you’re feeling.”

           Before Jungkook lets your words sink in, he feels a pair of soft lips land on the apples of his cheek, so fast as if a butterfly fluttered past him. Jungkook’s mouth falls open, his hand on his cheek frozen as he turns to look at you, head now ducked beneath your covers.

           “Y-Y/N–“

           “That’s all. G’night, Kook.”

           “O-okay. G’night.”

           Only when Jungkook closes your door does he hear a faint “Love you,” and before he lets his imaginations take control again, he dismisses them and treks back to his dorm.

           Maybe it was all a dream, maybe it was real, but all Jungkook knows, this is a sign, and he sure as hell will not take it for granted. As soon as he reaches his room, he immediately pulls the familiar pink stationery, and the iconic golden crown tape you always find in the love letters addressed to you in your locker. For the very first time, Jeon Jungkook will be honest with everything now. No more pretenses–just him and you, and the reality of his feelings.

“Dear Princess,

It’s time for me to introduce myself. I’m Jeon Jungkook, your childhood friend, and bestfriend for more than ten years, and the Little Prince who’s been sending you love letters for the past six months.”

So…Did you give her the letter?

Not yet, Hyung.

Why?

It’s not the right time, Tae…I-I gotta have the time right.

But I thought you’ll court her for real now?!

I’m self-contradictory, hyung, okay?  I’m stupid, I know. I just-ugh! I just gotta wait…ease my way out of the friend zone, then I’ll send her the letter.

Okay, If you say so.

I will, hyung, I’m sure. Very soon.

A/N pt. 2 | Is this a sign hons? HAHAHAHHA don’t worry, TPAHR won’t be ending anytime soon. I’ve still got loads of stuff planned for this drabble series. Anyway, enjoy the suspense. Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you for the support you’ve all been giving me! I love you, hons!

              After eight years of telling people "No, we're not dating. We're just friends," it wasn't easy to admit years later that he will actually go against his own words and he will in fact, take all the risks just to get to the other side of the friend zone. It was easy to tell apart these explosions of feelings in his heart from the ones he’d felt before for any person, however such knowledge is not enough to balance the gravitational pull you had on him with his own force of attraction upon you. Because aside from his late start to make a move on his pursuit for your affection, which didn't actually turn well at the very beginning (because his annoying self turns his supposed amorous compliments into nonsensical criticisms until he started writing you love letters he leaves in your locker under the pen name Little Prince), you are fucking oblivious.

               Maybe if his mind does not blank out on him too much when your eyes met his, he would have probably uttered nice words and done things that would help him fall more into you and you into him.

               Jungkook shakes these thoughts as his elbows dig into the white sheets on the comforter he has laid on the floor, pulling himself to sit up and take a glance on the bed beside him.

               The amber sunlight of the afternoon paints your skin in ethereal gold, your parted lips in rose pink, and your tresses spread on his pillow in deeper brown, a stark contrast to the whiteness of the duvet. You stir in your sleep, limbs laid outstretched, and your head turns to his way, granting Jungkook every angle of your beauty. Jungkook smiles. You're so beautiful...breathtakingly beautiful in every possible way.

               He’s not granted everyday to be able to see you like this so Jungkook makes use of every second of the calm minutes of the afternoon haze, admiring every bit of you. His eyes graze your asymmetrical eyes that always see the good in everyone, your fairly high sloped nose you always took pride of, your plush full lips he’s always wanted to taste, your semi-broad shoulders that complements his when he goes for surprise bear hugs, your cute, small fingers that contrast his massively long ones – every flaw and attribute he’s come to learn to love.  You’re not perfect and he admits he has seen better physical qualities in others. However, he’s never seen someone like you–someone who’s filled with so many good qualities and imperfections at the same time yet still manages to be perfect just the way you are–not for anyone, not for him, not to satisfy his ideal woman he’s conjured in his mind–just perfectly you. You who inspire him to do better, to dream more, and work harder, his bestfriend for so many years, the only person he can be completely himself.

               Jungkook leans toward you, reaching out to brush your fringe when you stir again, body fully facing him now. He watches your lashes flutter, eyes peeling open to look back at him, brown eyes warm and soft. Jungkook's hand hangs in mid-air. He settles them on your palm that lays open on his bed, intertwining them together.

               You pull your pink lips into a smile. "What are you looking at, Jungkookie?"

               "Nothing," Jungkook mumbles. "Just," he looks to his side then reconnects your gazes, now sporting a shit-eating grin, "looking at you with that drool on your face."

               "Oh, really?" you return, starting to sit up.

               "Oh hell, yes," Jungkook's grin widens and before you pulled yourself up enough to be a few inches higher than where he sat, he squeezes your hand, playfully tight but not much for you to wince, something he always does when he tries to ruin your friendship handshakes back then just to annoy you.

               Jungkook’s already running to his kitchen by the time you’re on your toes and screaming at him, slipper in hand and feet pounding on the floor with your laughter filling the room.

               When the semester ends and the Holiday break starts, you and Jungkook always travel back to your hometown to celebrate Christmas with your families. Unfortunately this time, the both of you can't adhere to the family tradition. The drama club was scheduled to have the Nutcracker play on the night of the 23rd in your university's theater for St. Anne Orphanage's early Christmas treat for the children, and since you're one of the play writers and Jungkook's part of the lighting team, you two had to stay and schedule your trip back home in another day to have the 24th your rest day.  Jungkook thinks, on the other hand, that such happening was fortunate, a blessing undeniably un-disguised, a Christmas miracle he never wished for. Your roommate has packed a week ago to go home to the province, and given the circumstance that you hated being alone and Jungkook's your only close friend who'll be with you in the Christmas Eve, it was no question that you'll set camp in his room when his own roommate, Park Jimin, has also left for the holidays. He could spend the Christmas Eve with just you and him, with fuzzy colored socks on your feet, hot chocolate in mugs warm on your cold hands, and under the starry blanket of yours that have been both your comfort for years now.

               "And it could be the time you can, you know - tell her what you feel with the romantic mood of Christmas and all," were Taehyung's words yesterday to which he laughed. He doesn't know if he would actually take his chance or not because as much as he wants to pour his love for you right here, right now, the risk of rejection is possibly high when you're not even aware yet he's actually courting you and such tragedy is unbecoming for a supposed festive occasion.  

               Yesterday night was hectic so the two of you planned to slow everything down in the 24th. After sleeping in and waking up to have late breakfast, the both of you spent the remainder of the morning re-watching Love Actually and playing the Overcooked 2 video game that had you seated on the floor between his legs like always, back comfortably molded against his warm chest as you kept yelling at each other on what you’re supposed to do. You cooked his favorite beef lasagna for lunch and when the afternoon came, the both of you took a nap to prepare for your all-nighters to celebrate Christmas at exactly twelve o’clock. It’s domestic as hell and hurts Jungkook’s heart with so many feels that he has to routinely calm his burning tomato-red cheeks and ears whenever you come too close or let your stare linger for a while. But what’s he gonna do? Say no? Oh fucking no way, he’s going to fucking relish everything. Life’s given him such a very nice opportunity to spend a very special day with you and he’s going to make the best out of it.

               Especially now, when it’s ten and the evening sky has deepened into blackish indigo. His room was illuminated by his white fluorescent lights and the colorful blues, reds, and greens of the small Christmas tree you helped him set up last November beside his couch. The both of you were now sitting on his sofa after finishing two more romantic comedies on his floor, with mugs of hot choco warming your hands, your starry blanket draped over your shoulders, as you brew another story with him.

               “So I came up with this Jupiter King yesterday,” you said, tugging your blanket overhead. Letting your finger graze among the stars you marked to be the kingdom of the Obsidian Knights, the tall tower of the two Emerald Sisters, the Cloud Emporium, until it stops on a massive coral star embedded on the north. “Here!” you flash him a smile before focusing back on your new character. “He’s one of the most powerful rulers I set up here and he’s got this huge garden filled with plants that produces stars instead of flowers.  So he’s like, the Father of Everything here or some sort.”

               Jungkook hums, leaning his head over your right shoulder as he looks up at the northernmost star on your blanket. “Sounds good. What will be his story, then?”

               You look at him, biting your lip. “I’m thinking of putting him in The Prince and His Rose, like…some kind of origin to set some grounds between the worlds of the Golden Prince and his Rose.” You pause for a while and Jungkook looks at you waiting. You close your eyes before placing your mug on his small coffee table. You turn to him then, an expression between indifference and disappointment is etched into a downcast of a frown. It would have looked seriously bad if your lips were not jut out in a pout and your starry blanket hovering your heads like E.T. wannabes. “Okay–fuck,” you breathe, “I honestly don’t know what to do with him yet and it really frustrates me. I had this idea like a month ago and then finals came and passed by and wiped everything off my head–all the stuff I studied for and even my creative juices, so I’m here, like a useless being trying to talk it with you and see if any inspiration will rush in my brain.”

               “It’s okay. Is talking about it with me helping now?” Jungkook tries not to let his cheeks redden more or else the dark indigo hue of the sky of your blanket won’t be able to hide it anymore.

               “No,” you mutter. “I really don’t like feeling like this. Look, I even got so grumpy yesterday with the performance of Nayeon and Jun in the rehearsals.”

               Jungkook chuckles, the image of you wearing the meanest scowl he’s seen on you as you trudge up to the director and point at the lacking skills of the actors flashes again in his mind. You don’t really scowl and frown that bad on the usual basis that’s why it’s kinda funny seeing the rest of the cast cower a little, surprised of your sudden outburst. “They deserve it though. They’re slacking off during the final rehearsals. Even I can see it up on the Light Control Room. Namjoon hyung even wanted to put the large ass spotlight on their faces to wake them up.”

               You laugh at that, chuckles tinkling like faerie bells in Jungkook’s ears. “Yeah, it’s funny. I don’t really like slackers but I don’t know–I think it’s not exactly the slacking off that pissed me so bad yesterday–you get this feeling when you’re just not acting like yourself and it kinda frustrates you? That’s that.”

               Jungkook pats your head to place it on his right shoulder and you instantly oblige. "Chill, mate.” After hearing another cold breeze sweep outside, he adds with a grin, “Oh yeah, pun intended."

               You gave him a pointed look.

               Jungkook laughs. "Okay, maybe it's going like this 'cause your forcing ideas to come to you. You always know it does you no good and makes your story far beyond at par to your plans. Why do you do it anyway?"

               "I don't know," you mumble. "I just feel like wasting my holidays when I could have produced something that would have been approved by an editor– ”

               Jungkook taps the tip of your nose. "Hey, what do we say about pressuring yourself?"

               You breathe out and say in unison with him: "One step, one punch, one round at a time."

               "From Creed, said by Rocky!" Jungkook grins and you smile at the telltale signs of his fanboy mode on his glowing face.

               "You know, it would have been a great mood if you like, didn't utter where you got that advice from."

               "Hey, I gotta give credits. Rocky is awesome."

               You smirk at him, "Honestly, when you first said that quote to me two years ago, I actually though it came from you and I was so impressed by that one line you didn't manage to make unintelligible. Of course it is good because it actually didn't come from you–”

               "Hey! I'm trying to boost your morale here, why the hell are you dissing me?! Jungkook half-guffaws and half-screams, a feat impossible until now, and before you can laugh at him and say sorry, he tackles you down with a loud "Yah!" attacking your weak sides in heaps of tickles and laughter.

               "Oh my god, Kook, AHHahaHaHah, stop-AHaHaH"

               "No, I'm not done yet, Little Ms. Writer," Jungkook pokes your side and boops your nose giving you another round of giggling feat.

               When the chuckles eventually die down and the wriggling blanketed mess of the both of you calms down, Jungkook finds himself lying on the floor next to you, smiling, gaze interlocked with yours. The blanket is still draped over the both of your heads, tangled between your arms and legs in the tickle fest. It's weird that he finds it comfortable in a blanket cocoon with you on his floor. Maybe it's because of your unadulterated child-like laughter and joy he's never seen on you for quite a while, or maybe it's because of the starry night sky of the blanket that have suddenly enveloped the two of you into a world of your own or maybe–it's just you so anywhere you are with him will of course, will be fine for him. He doesn’t really know, so he supposes it’s because of all the three.

               Jungkook could feel his heart beat reaching a crescendo. He clears his throat and places his eyes on the stars instead. "Taking a break would actually help you and your writing, you know? How about…let me tell you a story this time? I got a perfect one in my head right now. Would you like that?"

               "Okay,” you chirp beside him. He could already feel a smile growing again on your face and he himself, smiles at that, chest warm. His plan for this Christmas Eve is off to a good start, then.

               “So once upon a time, there’s this gingerbread man who came out too early from his mold to be considered complete. He’s undercooked and half of his body is missing those decorative icing and candies. Then –”

               “Wait, it already had its icing when he’s being cooked?”

               Jungkook gives you a bored look. “In this universe it is. For his self-confidence. Okay, woman, let me continue.”

               When you hum in approval, he continues. “So this half-complete gingerbread man, unbeknownst to his maker, made his way down the oven and toward the door of the wooden hut. Too excited to see the open world, he rushed out of the house and into the cold.”

               “That’s dangerous,” you note.

               He nods in agreement. “Yeah, this gingerbread man is stupid so of course, he doesn’t know that.” You laugh at that and he grins.

               “The gingerbread man travels in the deep snow, and he enjoys the first minutes of the white world. He played with snowmen, rolled and messed around with snow angels, and ran to other houses to nab their candy canes they had in front of their porch for the caroling kids to munch on. It’s only when he notices he’s about to enter another village did he see a huge ass crack making its way down his right leg. In panic, he runs toward the nearest wizard he’s been told by his snowmen friends and–“ Jungkook suddenly pauses and you look at your side.

               “And? Hey, why did you stop? What are you doing?”

               Jungkook grumbles. “Wait, my pajamas got stuck between my butt cheeks, it’s annoying–okay there, I’m fine again.”  He pats his back and looks at your disgusted face. “Hey, don’t act like you don’t do that, too.”

               “I do, but I don’t announce it so openly as you did!”

               “Okay, my bad,” Jungkook smirks. “So yeah, the stupid ginger bread man meets the wizard, a century old, massive pretzel. The wizard tells him that the cracks on his leg were caused by forgetting his true self and the Gingerbread man looked at him bewildered and said,” Jungkook breaths and says in a whiny, squeaky voice he knows will annoy you, “‘What true self? I’m a gingerbread man, what’s more to that?’”

               “Jungkook, that voice over is annoying and stupid and you know that.”

               “I don’t care. Anyway, the wizard does not give a fuck and just says ambiguously, ‘Only true love will fix your problem.  The mistletoe will be your sign.’”

               You chuckle, “Wow, true love is always the way, what did I expect? The mistletoe though is original but…really weird.”

               “This is a weird story, so expect everything is really weird. Anyway, the gingerbread man wanders around the village, confused, and proceeds to just deal with other gingerbread women to look for true love only to come short with nonsense flings here and there – ”

               “Wait up!” you interrupt him again, flabbergasted at the uncalled turn of events. “This is a love story?!”

               Jungkook smiles, feeling a cold sweat run down his back. “Umm, kinda yeah? Why are you questioning it just now? You know me, I’m a trash for love stories so what do you expect?”

               “Okay, fine. I’m not complaining. Just weirded out by what’s happening.”

               “I told you this is a weird story.”

               “Fine, fine. Continue.”

               “One night, the gingerbread dude dreams of going back home to his maker. His maker almost cries at the sight of him and welcomes him back home again with a warm hug. At the touch, he gets a vision of the maker’s father, when the maker is still yet a little girl, who first planned his structure and composition. The father kneaded the dough and formed him on the mold. However, the father wasn’t able to put him in the oven because electricity in the village went out during the cricket plague.” Jungkook looks at you again and raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t need to ask more about your troubled expression when you already answer his unsaid question with a cock of your brow.

               “Okay, everything is not making sense, but okay, go on.”

               “So five years have passed and the father wanted to give up and just throw him away, however his maker pleaded no and promised she’ll make this gingerbread man something the father will be proud of.  The maker grew and took care of the gingerbread man’s raw form, making sure it’s well warmed up. She even put mistletoes on their ceiling and windows after noticing that the gingerbread man, sat atop on the tray, grows warmer at the sight of the plant. Another year passes until the plague ceases and when the electricity was back up again, she immediately placed him on the oven pan and waited for his growth. That’s when the gingerbread man realized what the wizard meant what true love is. He immediately set out, and ran back up the hills, never stopping eventhough the cracks have spread through his other leg and right arm. When he knocked against the door, it immediately opened to reveal his maker, sitting lonely on the floor. Hesitant, he made his way fast to the girl and reached for her hand, making himself known to his maker. At the sight of him, his maker’s eyes glow and a smile as wide as the crescent of the moon grows on her face. The gingerbread man is home again. The cracks immediately healed, and he suddenly became cooked just right without putting him in the oven, you get what I mean? Like complete again, with all the icing and stuff. There. The end.”

               Jungkook turns to you, sporting that shit-eating grin you always found endearing and annoying at the same time. “So…you like it?” he asks.

               You tilt your head, keeping your gaze on him. “Hmm…It’s nice…but weird. I appreciate your story-telling skills though I could say, I’m definitely better than you.”

               “HEY!”

               You guffawed at his appalled face. You grab his arm by your side and lean your head on his shoulder, a feat you usually do back when you’re five and sucking up to him. “Okay, I liked it, I appreciate it. By the way, how did you even come up with that…artistic storyline?”

               Jungkook leans his head against yours. “I actually took it from my first animation in college, a project for my major.”

               “What? How come I’ve never seen it yet?”

               “Because my skills are crappy back then so I saved you the horrific details and decided to tell you the plot instead, but you know what,” he looks at you, “I told you that to prepare you for my gift. Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

               Right then, your alarm clock rings and signals it’s exactly, twelve o’clock. It’s Christmas day. Jungkook smiles. His plan for your Christmas Eve has been smooth. Immediately, Jungkook grabs the blanket to put it on his couch, the indigo and colored stars no longer in your vision as you both lay on your backs, looking at his own ceiling. It was white, just like the first moment you’ve seen it when you went here in first year, however this night, it was no longer just white. Painted red rose patterns surrounded his ceiling, almost mimicking a rose garden painting on Cathedral ceilings. All of their thorny stems lead to the middle, right next to the bolted screw of his light fixture where a mistletoe was taped, leaves rich green and berries vibrant red.  

               “Oh my god, Jungkook, it’s beautiful!” you gasp, lips parting in awe and Jungkook momentarily forgets what he’s supposed to do next. Fuck, you’re so beautiful and so, so enthralled by what he did, he can fucking die a happy man right here, right now.

               “I–you mi-missed our friend’s trip in St. John’s Co-Cathedral in Malta last August after you took a break after your collapsing thing in the Drama Club. Of course, I can’t imitate the painting itself so I just did it with roses, y’know? Your favorites?” you chuckle at that and Jungkook’s smile widens, now mimicking the crescent of the moon himself. “Plus, you told me back then you’ve never seen red berries on mistletoes before so I climbed on the tree behind our dorm yesterday to grab one.”

               You turn your body towards him, completely on your side facing him now and Jungkook forgets to breathe. “Jungkook–I–this is beautiful. So, so beautiful, god, why didn’t you tell me your gift would be this-this-extra.”

               “Extra?”

               “Extra-spectacular,” you clear, “I-I didn’t even bring my gift for you like, it’so, so pretty and of course, you’ve spent hours painting that and here I am lying next to you with nothing to give to you.”

               “It’s okay,” Jungkook hums, letting his hand run through your hair, carding through your strands just like how you love it. “You said you’d bring it anyway–by the way where did you even leave your gift?”

               “In our home. I had it ready by November and my dumb self forgot that we won’t be able to come home soon because of the play.”

               “Stop calling yourself dumb.”

               “Okay. Merry Christmas, too,  Jungkook.”

               Jungkook lets his smile bloom further on his face, almost permanent on his skin as he watches you turn  to ogle the ceiling again. All of the sensations of cramped backs and stiffed necks he endured painting the rose garden on top of the foldable ladder he borrowed from Yoongi is worth it when he gets to see you like this–glowing and happy...just because of what he did. You always manage to shake up his world and sweep him off his feet with stories you’ve made only for the two of you. All the years he’s been with you, he always dreamt of returning the favor. However, instead for platonic intentions of twelve-year old Jungkook to impress you back then, the Jungkook now yearns to have at least touched a corner of your heart. He spends the next minutes admiring you as you continue to chat about the details he put in the painting, drinking the image of you lying beside him and enjoying his gift so much you can’t tear your eyes away from it.

               As if in coincidence with his plan, the bursts of fire crackers and fireworks suddenly intervene in your moment and Jungkook and you, at the sound, quickly stand up and rush to his window.

               Yellow flickers start at the bottom of the scenery and shoots up fast in the sky, breaking into a beautiful umbrella bloom of golden sparkling stars. Reds and blues follow suit, accompanying the remains of the yellows in a blooming garden of vibrant sparks that illuminated the dark skyline. “Shings!” and “zings!” continuously followed in a cycle of blooming and fading fireworks and before  Jungkook knows it, he’s already turning his head to your side, eyes glowing and mouth in an open grin.

               “Woah, Jungkook, you saw that?  It’s a fountain of reds and oranges, god, it’s so beautiful!”

               You’re beautiful. And before he thinks of what he’s supposed to do next, his lips already move to the songs of the birds in his heart that have already started their numbers the moment he wake up this morning having you next to him.

               "I love you, Y/N"

               “Huh, what did you say?

               Jungkook's breath stops in his throat, body freezing up. Fuck, what’s he supposed to do holy shit–

               "Hey, what did you say? I didn't catch it. Tell me, what is it."

               Jungkook learns how to breathe again. "No-nothing. Just you getting sappy over fireworks."

               "Oh dumbface, as if you don’t do that too.”

               Jungkook laughs and sets his elbows back on his window sill and you lean your head against his shoulder again.

               Taehyung is right. Christmas do inflicts some romance in the atmosphere.

               “Come to think of it, it’s the very first time we spent Christmas with just one another.”

               “Yeah.”

               Maybe in another universe, a version of him already gathered the guts to repeat what he said to you earlier and another you would have probably returned his sentiments. Maybe in another universe, he would have been bold enough to use this perfect moment to lean in on you and graze his lips on yours in a soft kiss. Maybe in another universe, you would return his feelings in a heartbeat, no hesitation at all. Maybe he would have really easily ended up with you in that universe.

               Jungkook suddenly feels soft lips land on his cheek, a soft peck resounding in his ears, along with the fireworks outside and the pinnacle tempo of the birds in his heart.

               “What? ” you chuckle, playfully hitting his shoulder when he keeps his stare on you. “You taped a mistletoe in your ceiling, right? I gotta fulfill the tradition to ensure another good year to come to us.”

               “Right,” Jungkook laughs and pulls you closer to his side. “I can’t believe you just outright planted a kiss on my cheeks after calling my face stupid for years.”

               “Because it is!”

               Jungkook nods, the smile on his face reaching his eyes like you. “Gotta admit this Christmas Eve is really something, huh?”

               “Yeah…wanna spend it again with me next year?”

               “Yes, and the next years to come.”

               You settled deeper in his hug and Jungkook sighs in satisfaction. Pursuing you in his universe may not be easy but he’ll make the best out of it. His certain that with time, he'll be ready to express his true feelings for you –when you’ll be able to understand the weight of his feelings, when your gravitational pulls on each other will near equilibrium, when masses and volumes will be on par and finally enable him to pour years worth of love on you and the both of you without worrying about discrepancies that will collapse the world you share with him.

               He may not easily end up with you, but at least for now, he’s got you by his side. And that’s all he needs.

“Eventhough I’m really enthralled by your painting, I can’t help but wonder what your RA thought of our shenanigan after he found us painting the ceiling white again.”

“Seokjin’s my RA and he didn’t really mind. Told me it was cool and all.”

“Oh. Okay, nothing to worry!”

“Why are you so enthusiastic about that?”

“Well, that means I can have you parade the all-pink cardigan and jumper ensemble I gifted you like you said you will without worrying about your RA’s opinions.”

“Ugh, why do you always give me pink things?”

“Because you rarely wear that color! And also, it really looks good on you!”

“The-they do? Really?”

“Yeah! Now go help me clip this polaroid of your rose garden painting on my rope frame.”

“Aye Aye Ma’am!”

 A/N | Hey Hons! I know this is really late but I promised you a Christmas Special of these dorks so here it is! I’m sorry for the long inactivity in this universe so here I made it up to you guys with a longer wordcount! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing this! Happy Holidays Hons!

               “Happy birthday, Kook!” you greeted him, voice squeaky as always whenever he meets up with you at the playground before school.

               Instead of returning the greeting, Jungkook’s one-tracked mind dives straight towards the white box you were holding. “What’s that?”

               “Oh, this? It’s cake! My mom helped me bake it,” you said as you let yourself in his home and put the box on the counter. The gesture already ingrained in you as you frequently come to his house to drop some dish your mom made or snacks you have, before you tell him another story of yours. You turned to face him, giggling as you met his skeptic gaze.

               “Chocolate?”

               “Chocolate,” you assured with a grin.

               Sure enough, it was indeed chocolate when his dad opened the box for him by five o’clock and a crowd of familiar faces surrounded him with songs of “happy birthday!” Everything was a haze at that time, save for the enticing cake in front of him and your contagious smile spreading on your face as you pose beside him when his mother called to take a picture. He never met someone who smiled that bright as you and he decides maybe it’s because he’s feeling giddy about another story you’ll tell him later.  Anyway, he blew the candle and wished for great things to come. He doesn’t know what to wish actually but at the sight of the candle, all he could remember was how you always said to “wish for great things” whenever you’ll pick a dandelion in the playground. When the party toned down, he found himself tired from the crowd. He invited you to his room to build pillow forts and grab flashlights as you tell him another faraway castle with a prince whose hair is filled with stardust. He doesn’t remember much about each detail of the story when he woke up, but he remembers how happy he felt with the idea of a star prince…and also the idea that maybe you’re the only person, aside from his mom, who he can never get tired of.

               The next birthdays passed with home-baked chocolate cakes and a small celebration with your family and his mom as he blew his 9th and 10th candles. Of course, the night ended with you telling him another story about another faraway prince with an ambition set so high up in the heavens.

               It was by his 11th birthday that you decided to bring a “map” along with your baked chocolate cake so you could tick off every dream the princes in your stories have accomplished. Jungkook just raised his brows and chuckled at your antics, thinking he’s old enough now for fairytales and princes. His friends tell him so. Well, you just have to prove him wrong after the cake is finished and the candle’s fire is blown out when you let your “map” blanket the dim black of their leather couch.

               “This is not a map! It’s a blanket!”

               “It’s a blanket and it’s a map!” you chuckled.

               Jungkook fixed his gaze at you, very perplexed. “I don’t get you.”

               “You see those stars?” You pointed to the blue, yellow, and green stars on the far right. “Remember the sea prince, the star prince, and the forest prince? If you haven’t noticed by now, their stories are interconnected and look! Their stars are right next to each other! Even the skies approve of it. Get me now?”

               Jungkook nods, letting his eyes wander the indigo space of your blanket and the thousand colored stars laced on it. He remembers the adventures of the fire prince and his ice princess when he spotted the orange star beside the crystal white one, and oh! The friendly dragon and the frail prince were on the far right – a huge olive star beside a tiny carnation one. Amazed as he is with the map of the stories you created for the both of you, his breath was only taken away when his eyes catch the glimmer of a golden star on the far left edge. However, it’s strange that it wasn’t beside another star. You only told him about friendships and victorious battles of the princes. You haven’t told him of a lone prince in one of your tales. He can’t even remember an existence of one.

               “Hey, what’s that golden star?” Jungkook asks.

                Your eyes immediately light up, “Oh, it’s my favorite prince!”

               Favorite prince? Jungkook tilts his head.

               “I haven’t told you about it yet because I’m still thinking how his adventures will happen,” you told him as you went to the far right of the couch. “But just to give you something,” you chuckled, “this star right here is very important to him. The most important to him, actually.” You tap another star and Jungkook follows your finger as his eyes land on the scarlet star, the same size as the golden star. Looking back at your favorite prince, Jungkook only realizes the scarlet star is the only one aligned to the golden star. The rest are a centimeter higher or lower on the indigo space.

               “What’s that red star then?” Jungkook finds himself looking at your face, curiosity seeping in his bones.

               “It’s his rose.”

               “Rose?”

               “Rose. And he loves it very much,” you smiled.

               Jungkook can’t grasp well the idea of love yet but if you say the Golden Prince is indeed in love with the rose, then he’ll believe you. The scarlet tinge of the star is indeed attractive, no wonder the Golden prince will adore it. But maybe it’s just his bias to anything colored in any relative hue of red speaking. Nevertheless, Jungkook thinks your idea is amazing.

               “He’ll have adventures, right?”

               “Yes, he’ll have the most adventures than any prince in the universe.”

               The night of his birthday ended with constellations up on your heads with a flashlight in your hand to let him visually trail the paths the crystal prince took to return to his lost kingdom. Jungkook then decided that map of yours must always be available for the two of you whenever you feel like making an adventure. You happily agreed with a tingling laugh.

               The rest of his birthdays were spent with your family and his, sometimes with his and your friends. But what always remained constant were your sweet chocolate cake, his candle wishes which turned to hopes of great things to come to the both of you, and your map that will blanket you two under the tales of fantasies and happiness before you wish him goodnight. You kept this tradition constant when you went through the teenage angst of high school and until now in the whirlwind of college. Even when your schedules are giant obstacles for your cakes and blanket to align with September 1, you and Jungkook manages to look for loopholes that can lead for your two lines to meet up. Whether it’s cramped under a stormy night in a desolate 7-11 store, in a grand restaurant enough to accommodate his and your friends, in a warm get- together with your families when you’re able to go to your hometown, or even in an illegal escapade in your rooms praying your RAs won’t catch you, his birthday and wishes will always be spent with you.

               That’s why in the cold morning of one September 1, Jungkook was frowning from his side of the screen even after you just greeted him a gleeful “Happy Birthday!” that sounded so melodious in his ears.

               “What do you mean you won’t be able to come over?”

               “I – Jungkook, I have to go back home to retrieve the paper my dumb self left in my room last Saturday.” You brought the screen of your phone around your surrounding, letting his eyes take in the familiar bus the both of you always take when you’re going back home. “See? I’m already in the bus,” you returned the camera back to your cold flushed face. “Luckily I’m free this day so I can totally pass the paper by Friday on time. Though I have to take the earliest bus tomorrow to make it on time tomorrow.”

               Jungkook’s hand runs through his hair. “What–what if I come with you today?”

               “Hell no, Kook! You have a week worth of practice before you take on the Heatherfields next week. FYI, the inter-uni football league is next week. Coach Bang will kill you - and me, when he finds out he’ll miss his star player just because of his bestfriend’s dumb ass.”

               “Stop calling yourself dumb.”

               “Okay,” you breathe out. You look at his black hooded figure as you try to erase the frown settled on his lips. It’s his birthday, he shouldn’t be sulking like a loser. “Hey, let me tell you a joke.”

               “…Fine.”

               “Remember that time Seokjin was casted by the Drama club to be the ethereal lord with a dead girlfriend?”

               “I thought this was supposed to be a joke.”

               “Wait for it!” you exclaim to which he giggled.

               “Fine, fine, okay I remember,” Jungkook laughs.

               “So, that scene when he’s all sentimental and stuff then goes right out of the door to get soaked under the rain, don’t you think he’s really Kim SOAKjin?”

               Seems like your tactic worked when giggles erupted from his form, hands covering the lower part of his face as he chuckles before he releases them to full out laugh, “Oh my god, you did not just do that!”

               “Hell yeah, I did,” you laugh along, the pink tinge across your cheeks making Jungkook chuckle more.

               Damn, you look cute.

               When the giggles toned down, you hear him clearing his throat as he places his hands across his desk. “So you really won’t be able to come no matter what?”

               “Sadly, no,” you bite your lip, feeling the guilt of being unable to keep up the tradition you built with him. Your birthdays and his are established important occasions to both of you and you’ve been able to meet between the lines and deadlines for two years since the start of college. Your horribly conflicting schedules in junior year just have to be the biggest bitch right now. Dismissing bitter thoughts, you put a grin on your face again. “Say what, tomorrow when I come back, I’ll bring you two chocolate cakes! TWO!” you make a peace sign with your hands and shove it to the screen of your phone.

               “Okay, okay. I accept the amendment,” Jungkook says. Fingers twiddling with the strings of his hoodie, he knows it’s time to say farewell to you when you excused yourself for a minute to fix your belongings as more passengers enter the vicinity, a signal that the bus will soon leave.

               “Okay, I’m back.” You appear back on screen, grinning.

               “You’ve covered yourself enough for the cold?”

               “Mhmm,” you raise up your hand covered in your white puffy jacket, the seams of your thick rose sweater visible at the cuffs. Jungkook could also see glimpses of the red knitted scarf he made for your last year’s birthday folded on your lap. The thought of you wrapping it close around your neck later makes his chest warm.

               “Okay, have a safe trip and tell my folks I said hi.”

               “Sure will do, Star Kook!”

               “Okay, bye,” Jungkook waves.

               “Byeee,” you wave back.

               “Bye-bye.”

               “Byebye.”

               “Byeeeee.”

               “Byeeeee byeeeeeeee.”

               “Why aren’t you ending the call?”

                You tilt your head to the side, “’Cause you’re not ending it.”

               “Damn, it, I’ll end the call. Bye bye.” And Jungkook taps the red icon.

//

                 “Man, you like Y/N so much.”

               Jungkook chokes on his sandwich. Taehyung claps his back while grabbing some tissue to hand him. When he composed himself, Jungkook’s face suddenly flushes.“What-what the hell Tae? Where did that come from?”

               “See, you’re flushing with just the thought of it!”

               “I do not!” Jungkook almost screams. The scolding glare of Seokjin at the other end of the table makes the younger mumble an apology and lower down his voice. Jungkook looks back at his obnoxious friend who’s full out guffawing in front of him.

               “The more you deny it, the more it is indeed true,” Taehyung lets out in fit of giggles. Seeing the indifferent look in Jungkook’s face, he sits straighter and tries to point out again the conclusion he’s always proposing to the kid for months now. “Look at your face, you totally look like eating with us is not as fun as eating lunch with Y/N. When you’re with her, you’re full out laughing your ass every now and then. Y/N is not even that funny.” 

               “Hey, Y/N is funny!” Jungkook huffs.

              “Of course, she is. In your eyes, that is,” Taehyung chuckles. “I can’t even tell if her jokes are even jokes in the first place. She jokes worse than Seokjin.”

               “Hey!–

               Taehyung cuts their older friend and points at Jungkook, “Look, even without her here, you have that lovestruck look in your eyes when I mentioned her name.”

              “I’m not lovestruck! I don’t...have that look for her.”

              Taehyung cups his jaw, eyes glinting. “Then why do you look so down having lunch with us?”

              “I’m just – just,” Jungkook looks up thinking of a word to put it, “upset – yeah - upset because we won’t be able to meet up later. That’s that. I don’t miss her.” Jungkook doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince – his friend or him?

               “Yeah, upset just like that other day when you saw Jongin ask Y/N about the presentation at the drama club,” Namjoon snorts.

               “Hey, in my defense, that ballet boy is just irritating as hell and Y/N’s just nice enough to tolerate him – which I cannot do. Over.my.dead.body.”

               “He’s actually nice and he gets along with Y/N well,” Jimin chips in. “Why not make friends with him, too?”

                Jungkook frowns, “That’s clearly off-topic and hell no, I’d rather die than listen to him breathe.”

                “What did Jongin ever do to you?” Taehyung laughs, amused bewilderment across his features that also start to irritate Jungkook.

               “I don’t know. I just don’t like him.” Jungkook diverts his attention back to his sandwich. Why do his dumb friends always have to mention Jongin along the tornado of his feelings for you? Jongin is just plainly irritating and it doesn’t have to do with him getting jealous or stuff. Totally not.

               “Okay, I’ll drop the topic. It was just nice seeing you worked up and annoyed –“

               “-That’s because you’re an ass.”

               “That I admit just for now to pacify our ever hot-blooded Jungkookie. Anyway,” Taehyung fixes his seat, “without Y/N or not, the dinner at Vincent’s is still on, okay? Don’t sulk too much.”

               Jungkook just hums.

               After the practice on the field, Jungkok went to Vincent’s for their reservation and the night was somehow fun. Yoongi got him a pair of headphones he’s been eyeing in the record shop nearby, Namjoon paired up with Hoseok to give him another Iron Man mini figure he’s collecting, Seokjin gave him some cash (‘cause graduating future news anchor friend of his is too busy nowadays), while Taehyung and Jimin bought him another perfume. The pizza and board games was fun. Especially when he won against Seokjin in Monopoly and he beat Namjoon in scrabble for the very first time. Although Jungkook thinks Namjoon deliberately let him win just because it’s his birthday, a victory is still a victory. But no matter how much he’s already happy with his birthday night, Jungkook can’t deny something is still missing.

               Lying on the football field after he parted ways with his friends, Jungkook finds it hard to be contented. You texted him around five in the afternoon that you just got home and maybe the prolonged silence after that is what drives him up the wall. You may have fallen asleep from the long travel, or maybe you’re out with your family – it’s totally understandable. But why isn’t he settled with just a birthday wish from you even if you’re the first one to ever greet him this day?  Why isn’t he satisfied with just at least seeing your face and hearing your voice? Focusing his eyes up ahead into the heavens of countless of stars he and you made a version of your own, Jungkook thinks he has the answer evident long enough to these questions.                

 //

                 After fixing the cartons of cake you’ll bring tomorrow in the refrigerator, you bid your parents and younger brother goodnight as you make your way to your bedroom. The whole trip was tedious just for one hefty paper you left at home over the weekends but at least, you got to spend some time with your family before you head into the big city again. Your bags are already arranged and you’re well set up for another early morning wake-up alarm. Switching off your bedside lava lamp, you’re about to delve into much-needed sleep when–

              “Hey, psst!”

              “What the fuck-” You turn on your bedroom lights and head to the windows where the voice came from and–

               “Jungkook?!”

               “Hi,” Jungkook waves, grinning, “Would you let me in?”

               “What the fuck you’re doing at the window? You could just knock on the door and let yourself in.” Despite your expletives, the warm smile on your barefaced skin knocks the air out of Jungkook (though he won’t admit that) as he pulls himself in your room with a loud “thud!”, the sound much louder than he intended to be thanks to his large ass duffel bag.

               “Why the hell did you go here? It’s a freaking long travel!” You chortled, helping him up on his feet.

               “I can’t sleep on my birthday,” Jungkook gulps. “I need you by my side wishing candles on the cake you made and I want that starry blanket of yours too,” Jungkook blurts out and though he doesn’t want to meet your gaze, he could sense the warmth suddenly emanating from you.

               “Okay, birthday boy. I’ll get the cake.”

               Sure enough, a few minutes later, you’re on your wooden floorboards with a chocolate cake in front of you as your blanket lay atop of your heads.

               “Sorry, I’m not prepared to have enough candles today,” you apologized, rubbing your arm.

               “It’s okay, at least you got one,” Jungkook chuckled.

               In the serene night and pink glow of your room, your voice suddenly fills his ears.

               “Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you

               Happy birthday, dear Jungkook,

               Happy birthday to you.”

               Jungkook sits stupefied, blank face watching yours smile so wide and so bright, his chest rumbles with a melody he never heard before, or actually failed to hear. It can’t be - Shit, damn it, I really do like her. And he knows he can’t deny it anymore when you meet his gaze, soft waves of your hair framing a face he never thought in his life he would call beautiful until now.

               “Make a wish, Kook.”

               Jungkook almost stops breathing. Your breath fanning his cheeks, making his hair on his neck stand. Your lips are mere centimeters away from his and everything about you, you, and you filling his senses that he just- “Okay I’ll make a wish now.”

                He blows the candle and he finds himself staring at your amused face again.

               “I didn’t imagine we could actually keep up the birthday tradition today.”

               Jungkook’s lips pull into a contented smile.“Me too.”

               Before you can tear your gaze away from him, Jungkook’s hand clasps around yours. “Would you–would you mind telling me the story of the Prince and His Rose again?”

               “Of course not, Kook.”

               With chocolate cake half-finished and small plates covered in remnants of the sweet treat, you tell him about the story of a love filled with devotion as it encompasses whatever distance and opposing gravitational pulls the indigo swirls of the universe inflicts. The idea of the golden prince and his determination for his rose and the rose’s entrustment of her petals to the prince would forever warm Jungkook’s insides. It already started to make birds out of his ribcage to sing out melodies of adoration synonymous to the prince.

               Lying on the extra mattress you provided for him on the floor, Jungkook doesn’t know if you’re already asleep or not, but he still tries. “Do…Do the prince and his rose always end up together?”

               “…Always.”

               He doesn’t know if it’s actually you or your subconscious talking to him, but it sure does lighten his chest he felt he could just combust right here, right now with just–just everything he suddenly felt just because of the thought of finally knowing what it’s like to adore someone so much. It’s new–too new for him but Jungkook knows he won’t regret anything that led him to this if he gets to feel this way.

               I hope they do. I wished for it to happen so.

Epilogue:

Fuck, Tae, I really do like her.

You finally realized just now?!

A/N | First of all, I didn’t actually plan to make a birthday fic for our honey bunny Jungkook, but anyways enjoy my impromptu post for our golden prince! Jeon Jungkook, I hope you continue fulfilling your dreams and I wish you the best in your endeavors! I love you so much!

(BTW I’m currently working and editing on some requests, just in case you’re curious about the requests you sent me. I want to make them with the best I can so I hope you’ll continue your support and cheer for me. Thank you so much!)

P.S. The Unread messages fic will be updated!