#tp's broken

And then there are days like this when it's so real I can't handle it and it fills me with so much grief and so much helpless anger I could cry. Except I can't because that requires the kind of energy I just don't have on my hands atm.

@schizophriendly-cat, i just had the weirdest, awesomest dream ever! (Sorry, you're asleep so I'm blogging at you because I don't want to wake you in case you're also having an awesome dream)

Key features:

Lin-Manuel Miranda (!!!!!)

Fox (or rather, me as Fox I guess?)

Myself

Changing between alters (first time in a dream)

Semi-lucid dreaming (also a first time)

Oh yeah, and have I mentioned Lin-Manuel Motherfucking Miranda????!!!!!!

So there isn't really all that much going on in terms of plot, but basically it's something like, he kinda kidnaps himself somewhere in a Europe tour and jumps on a ferry because he wants to go North, right now. And somehow he collides with Fox (at this point the dream has been going on for a while and Fox is at this apartment that belongs to some random acquaintance or something, anyway, enter unexpected LMM). So they hit it off and they hang out at the apartment and they talk for hours about all sorts of shit and eventually Fox goes, holy shit, TP would shit himself if he knew we are here doing this right now. Well, I mean, if you have the time, would you mind hanging out with my little brother for a while too? And LMM is like yeah sure, I'm just researching this ancient tomb about the nature of pain, but yeah, I'm down to hang out. Oh, but they are also a little drunk at this point, and I think it's getting a bit flirtatious because Fox is desperately trying to remember if he's married and whether he's openly poly or is this one of those situations where we shouldn't take advantage of the apparently fragile mental state of a world famous genius artist that we both admire, because you know, dreams be unfair like that.

But anyway, so it takes forever but Fox finally managed to pull it together enough to focus on us changing and in comes me, getting so flustered I can't speak and I just blabber like a moron, and he's just patient and kind and charming and I'm like desperately, madly in love, and we ditch the apartment and start roaming around town in the middle of the night, passionately arguing about art and linguistics and the beauty of old pocket watches with hand-painted dials... And we go into this store to buy some weird stationary because he wanted it and somehow as he pays with his card, the hotel booking papers or something falls out of his wallet and the clerk sees it and just looks at us like "you are from the *insert posh hotel name*?! ...you? " And I get flustered again but he just giggles and we leave the store and now he's telling me about how he kidnapped himself because he always wanted to go North and that nobody even knows he's here and what a relief this is, and I'm mildly worried about him but also feeling super proud because by now it's starting to dawn on me that this giant of a mind somehow genuinely enjoys spending time with me and that for some random and unknown reason he's chosen me to be his companion in this seemingly benign mental breakdown, and then it occurs to me, wait a minute, what if this is all just a dream, this is exactly the kind of shit I would dream about, but then I promptly convince myself that no, I am definitely awake, and this is actually happening.

And I make an off-hand comment about this, as in, me thinking that this must be a dream, and he just laughs and puts an arm around my shoulder in an "it's okay, kiddo" gesture, and he pulls me close and omg he smells amazing, and we are zooming through the town and going to take the tube to his hotel and then we are going swimming and I'm so fucking happy I could cry, and now I'm thinking about how maybe once the night is over I could ask for his contacts, or just try to DM him on Twitter (wtf?!) and...

Brain: Remember that time when you dreamt that your boyfriend cheated on you and it really hurt?

Me: yeah, thanks for the reminder, that was shit.

Brain: how about you just watch that on a loop for 7 hours?

Me: no brain, that would be horrib...

Brain: what was that? Yeah? Cool. 7 hours of torture coming right up!