#total surrender

The goal of healing is not sobriety. It is wholeness. Sobriety can still center the self. But wholeness demands surrender. Sobriety can manage desire. But wholeness requires that desire be crucified and resurrected under the Lordship of Jesus. We are not called to white-knuckle our way through life, hoping not to fall. We are called to become sons who live awake, alert, rooted, and filled with the Holy Spirit.

A reflection from a Christian who also happens to be a psychology student.

Sometimes my psychology knowledge reminds me that my emotions and feelings matter that they are real, valid, and worth paying attention to. Yet there are moments when I unintentionally use my faith against myself. I catch myself thinking, "If Jesus already paid it all, why do I still feel lonely? Why do I still struggle? Shouldn't I be stronger than this?" In those moments, I end up condemning myself instead of extending the same grace I so easily believe God gives to others.

Some days I have solutions to my problems. Other days, I don't. But does that stop my faith? Not at all.

Studying the human mind, behavior, and emotions while following Christ doesn't mean you suddenly have everything figured out. If anything, it reminds you how much there is still to learn about people, about yourself, and about how psychological understanding and biblical truth don't have to compete. Psychological understanding can complement biblical truth, with faith always taking the lead.

I'd be lying if I said it's been easy. But if I had to choose over and over again, I would still choose to do life with Jesus rather than without Him.

Living alone and becoming independent at a young age has taught me so much. It's made me stronger, more responsible, and more resilient. But it's also shown me just how exhausting life can be sometimes.

There are moments when I miss the comfort of home so deeply. I used to look forward to going back, always seeing home as my safe place,

a place where I could rest. As I've grown older, I've had to face the possibility that I may never truly live there again the way I once imagined. And if I'm honest, that realization still scares me.

I can laugh with friends, enjoy the present, and seem completely okay. But when I'm alone, or when a new day begins, reality quietly catches up with me. The thoughts return. The emotions return.

Yet even there, God has been teaching me that faith is not the absence of difficult emotions. Faith is choosing to keep trusting Him in the middle of them. Jesus never asked us to pretend we were okay. He invited the weary to come to Him.

Maybe that's what I'm learning in this season: having emotions doesn't mean I have less faith. It simply means I'm human. And every time I choose to bring those emotions to Jesus instead of running from Him, my faith grows a little deeper.

I'd still choose Jesus. Every single time.

Thank You, Jesus. 🥹🤍

Psalm 34:18

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

“Total surrender to the will of God actually is sacrificing oneself as a burnt offering to God. The proof of this state is dying to oneself, – to one’s own opinions, wishes and feelings or tastes, in order to live by Divine intellect, in conformity with the Divine will and in partaking of God. In the forefront of this endeavor is our Lord and Savior. He surrendered the whole of Himself to God the Father, and us in Himself, ‘For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones’ (Eph. 5:30). So let us hasten in His footsteps.”

~Lorenzo Scupoli

REVIEW & excerpt TOUR:

Total Surrender (Dirty Sexy Fairy Tale #1) by Erika Wilde at The Reading Cafe:

‘ a captivating tale of innocence, seduction and happily ever after.’