#topthrees

Been MIA from tumblr since bar review started which was half a year ago. I had a few ideas here and there but I never got to concretize all of them completely. Now that my brain is taking its well-deserved break - finally, after more than 4 years of nonstop mindfuckery - I felt like validating my position about certain seemingly random but important things. Why? Cos inside of this 26-year old body is a self-indulgent pubescent teen who can’t help but find solace in her own thoughts. This is actually more for my convenience cos I have learned quite recently that I suffer from the pestilence that is indecisiveness, and sadly, my stoicism, which I arrogantly think is my redeeming quality, no longer complements my age. So here’s my best attempt to put into words certain things that I don’t necessarily feel strongly about but I feel I should verbalize in the hope of curing what my friend properly refers to as my “vanilla”-ness.

1. POLITICS - I went from idealism (high school) to frustration (college) to apathy (now). Maybe it has been a series of subpar governments that has desensitized me. I have a few biases for and against some politicians, but I feel no urge to follow their lead mainly because I have already reached a state of learned helplessness. Am I hopeful? Maybe. To quote Jyn Erso, “rebellions are built on hope.” (Although historically, a revolutionary government never did produce the intended ripple). One can genuinely place confidence in a poseur messiah, put him in power, clothe him with undue authority, and end up being embarrassed for making that choice. Disappointment is tiring and even in the field of politics, trust is not something one should indiscriminately give away. As my Constitutional Law professor would always say, “we’re in the results business”. I will not be fazed by promises and unsolicited opinions. I will believe in government when I see (good) results. And despite the actualization of our Chief Executive’s electoral banner statement that “change is coming”, it is not the change that breaks the stigma and it is certainly not the change that my conscience sits well with. 2. RELIGION - I don’t exactly ascribe to the nitty-gritty facts of every religion as they are all just stories to me. But yes, I believe in a supreme being, in fate, and in magic, and since I have a very distorted understanding of causal determinism, I frequently cross the line between faith and superstition. Plus, coming from a country where politics is intertwined with religion in spite of the expectation (and mandate) to separate Church from State inevitably makes one a traditionalist in many certain aspects. However, while religion (Catholicism, to be more precise) dictates our actions, we should never lose sight of one, if not the only, valuable thing that religion teaches us - KINDNESS. My most meaningful takeaway from every Friday Mass has always been the importance of compassion, temperance, humility and service to others. You don’t need religion for that. All you need is a little bit of humanity and the grit to disprove that one philosopher who said that humans are inherently selfish. Because we aren’t. 3. CARPE DIEM - This is more of a rant than an opinion. Two nights ago, I made the mistake of watching Dead Poets Society with my sixteen-year old sister. My intention was to impart some Hollywood-cultivated wisdom by movie-cating her with some coming-of-age favorites, and since Thoreau’s “Walden” once lit a fire in me that propelled many years of go-getting, I knew I had to include it in the roster. But I also knew that with the state of things, delving deeper into the references would not do me any good, and yet the masochist in me gave the least bit of resistance. And here she is again, torturing me - 

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.”

The last spontaneous thing I did was probly 7 years ago, plus, my responsibilities nowadays hardly give me time to “seize the day”. Naturally so, reading Thoreau put me in a slump. God save me from this reverberating quarter-life crisis I’m in.