#toplessrobot

Residing deep at the bottom of the Nostalgia Ocean is the realization that a lot of old-school games were actually quite easy. Games haven't gotten easier, because they never stopped being so.

Today I lay my head at Topless Robot, with an article about old-school gaming being not quite as difficult as we remember it being. In fact, a lot of the time, it was ludicrously simple.

Wimpy bosses? Constant spoon-feeding of directions and instructions? Unlimited lives and continues? The '80s and '90s had that shit COVERED.

Every role should be played by somebody that Outraged Nerd Inc. will immediately proclaim doesn't "fit the part," but who could theoretically turn in an awesome performance and prove ONI wrong yet again.

I wrote a new thing for Topless Robot, where I cast the Batman/Superman movie in the most rage-baity manner possible, like having the squeaky-voiced girl from Big Bang Theory portray Harley Quinn. Hell, why not? Intentionally trolling easily-angered nerds who think they know everything is apparently where this movie is headed anyhow. Might as well take it to its logical limit.

Instead of adding to the endless sea of Call Of Duty clones that we get every other week, maybe some more interesting ideas could get another chance to thrive. Such as ...

So Christopher Columbus had a game where he battled prehistoric creatures and sea monsters. And it got cancelled because original ideas are for weenies. This game, plus a bunch of others, deserve an actual run on the shelves, so sayeth me.

Tons of cartoons are ripe for an Invasion Of The Bodyslammers. All Vince needs is a semi-plausible angle to explain why they're there.

So the WWE is doing a crossover movie with The Flintstones, as an alternative to making their wrestling show more interesting. Well, if this is what they wanna do, they might as well go all out and cross over with everything. I offer eight possibilities to get the nightmare ball rolling.

Despite it's endless humor and characters galore, nobody ever made a Freakazoid game. Why, because they were afraid they'd just mess it up and gamers everywhere would be depressed? That never stopped them before!

Actually, there are a lot of franchises that shockingly never got the "puke-inducing videogame" treatment. I covered a bunch of crap from the '80s before, and now it's the '90s turn. Whether I cover every decade from the 20th century or not is all dependent on how willing Topless Robot is to not shoot me in the face for milking this idea.

'90s ARTICLE