#tooprettyforpants

How I feel about this character: He’s such a person. He gets angry and upset and tries to order Jesus around all the time (the “get behind me Satan” moment, “you’ll never wash MY feet!!! the horror!!!! you’re too amazing to do that”). And then when everyone’s all up on the mountain and Moses and Elijah’s ghosts come to hang out with Jesus he’s the one who has the dork moment and is like “HEY JESUS LET’S BUILD A TENT FOR THEM” while James and John have enough good sense to keep their mouths shut. He’s such an idiot and an asshole, without being a bad person. And he walked on water because he had so much faith! But then he looked down and got afraid, like any reasonable person would do, and he started to drown and he was so scared but then Jesus saved him. ;______; Also, oh oh oh no, oh no, he betrays Jesus three times and then feels bad about it, and my family had this awful super-dramatic life of Jesus movie (made in the 70s, I don’t know what it was called but I think it was literally something like The Jesus Movie) and there was this moment after that happened where Peter’s freaking out and captive Jesus like...makes melodramatic eye contact with him across the courtyard and Peter runs away to sob in the bathroom and that hurt little!me’s heart so much. And we had this Bible book, ostensibly for children, that had these details at the end about what supposedly happened to the disciples after the part the Bible says and PETER GOT CRUCIFIED but he asked to be crucified upside down because he wasn’t worthy to die the same way Jesus did. Which in retrospect sounds sort of ridiculous, but wow...if dramatic Jesus movie hurt my fragile child heart, THAT knowledge pretty much just destroyed it. Peter. Peter noooo.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Jesus. THEY HAVE A CANONICAL DECLARATION OF LOVE which, I am not kidding, child!me would go and reread over and over for the ~feels~. (I’m talking about the “do you love me”/”feed my sheep” thingy at the end of one of the gospels ;____;)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Peter/Andrew. Peter/all the disciples (and all the other disciples with each other) are collectively the ultimate brotp of western society, though, I think. I also feel like Peter and Martha would like hanging out but that’s probably just because I like them best. Gosh I love Martha, I always sympathized with older siblings who were demonized for trying to be practical :(

My unpopular opinion about this character: probably shipping him with Jesus? I feel like that wouldn’t go over well with...most other people who care about Simon Peter...

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: well I wish he wasn’t canonically married because that’s dumb. We could have at least met his wife if he was going to be canonically married. I bet she was cool. Gospel writers done dropped the ball >:(

my OTP: Jesus/Peter. Which I actually still have residual feelings about. The creepy thing is that they tick the same boxes my other important OTPs in other fandoms do, thus proving I have a really specific relationship type involving...redemption, unhealthy power dynamics, defying The Man together, ambiguous 10+ year age differences, and people being busted out of prison... D: I feel like this probably says something problematic about my psychological makeup but idk what

my cross over ship: um. I don’t think I have one. Better make one up. Uh...when I was little I also liked reading The Hobbit and Thorin was my favorite character so let’s just go with Peter/Thorin. I don’t even know how that would work and don’t really want to. But there you go, Peter/Thorin.