#tomoko kimura

-----

He has stopped feeling hungry. Tomoko comes in with food twice every day, but Kouichi can’t bring himself to eat. He hasn’t gone to school. No one has come to see him. Or he just didn’t notice them. There’s schoolwork on his desk, but Kouichi just… can’t.

He stares out the window. The world keeps moving. It will keep moving even if he dies. His heart stops for a second. Maybe he should. Kouji is out there now. Once he and Tomoko meet, Tomoko won’t be alone. Kouichi can leave. Disappear, like he should have.

He doesn’t deserve to live.

-----

He thinks it’s been weeks. Months? Days come and go but he doesn’t track them. Tomoko is crying in the other room. Kouichi should stand up, offer her some comfort. Try to make her happy. Isn’t that the only reason he’s still alive?

She comes in with food again. Kouichi hasn’t touched the previous meal.

”Please”, she says and there are tears in her voice, ”you need to eat. Just something.”

Kouichi nods. He can’t remember when he last spoke. She puts the plate next to him, waits for him to grab it and eat. Kouichi stares out the window.

”What can I do to help you?” she asks.

Wraps her arms around him. Kouichi wishes he knew. But he doesn’t need help.

----

He’s probably dying. He can just barely get out of the bed once a day. How long has it been since he showered? Since he went outside? He stares at the four walls in his room. Does it matter if he dies? Tomoko can stop worrying when he does.

But she’ll be sad.

Maybe he should tell her he found Kouji. That she can have a son even with Kouichi gone. He can’t say a word when she comes into his room. She puts a plate on the bedside table, sits down on the edge of the bed.

Holds his hand, but doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t even tell him he needs to eat. Has she given up as well? Kouichi knew it was just a matter of time. He closes his eyes. Maybe this time he won’t wake up.

It’s nice to not be alone when dying, he thinks.

----

The doorbell rings. Kouichi wonders how he hasn’t died yet. A glass falls to the floor, shatters, and he turns his head. Tomoko’s voice. It trembles. He can’t hear what she’s saying.

Steps. Two pairs of them. A low whisper.

”’niisan…”

Kouji. Kouichi blinks. Tomoko is standing behind Kouji. Kouichi can’t read the emotions in her eyes.

”Hey”, Kouji says.

He enters the room. Kouichi just stares at him as he sits down on the chair.

”You were hard to track down”, Kouji continues.

As if he doesn’t notice that Kouichi is quiet. As if he doesn’t care.

”Really you just went ’you should go see mom’ and then you never gave me an adress”, Kouji complains.

He grabs one of the books on the desk, flips through it. Tomoko looks at Kouichi. She has questions. Kouichi doesn’t have answers. Kouji whistles.

”Wow, advanced classes. Guess we know who got the brains out of us two.”

Kouichi frowns. Kouji is also smart, he’s sure of that.

”I couldn’t tell a verb from a substantive even if they were trying to kill me”, Kouji says. ”I could probably beat them up though.”

Kouichi snorts. It feels weird. He holds his breath, stares at Kouji and Tomoko.

”Kouichi…” Tomoko starts.

She stops just as quickly. Probably doesn’t know what to think. Or say. Kouichi doesn’t either. His stomach feels heavy. This wasn’t how he wanted them to meet. But he was supposed to be dead. Did he want them to meet at the funeral? He really hadn’t thought it through.

In his defense he was dying at the time.

”I’ll probably ask you to explain this to me when you feel better”, Kouji says and waves the math book.

Tomoko’s hands tremble. Kouichi watches her more than Kouji. Is she angry?

”...are you hungry?” Tomoko asks.

She looks at Kouji. Glances at Kouichi. Kouichi doesn’t answer, but Kouji nods.

”Yeah, but I can’t stay for long. Dad wants me home at seven.”

”I’ll throw something quick together.”

She looks nervous, like she can’t believe what’s happening. Then she disappears towards the kitchen. Kouji stands up, sits down on the floor and leans against the bed. There’s something comforting about his presence. Why isn’t he scared? Kouji doesn’t say anything.

Tomoko returns. Kouichi doesn’t know how long she was gone. She gives Kouji a plate, puts another plate on the bedside table. Sandwiches.

”Thanks… mom…” Kouji says.

Tomoko smiles. Kouichi can die in peace now. His mom has someone else that can bring her happiness. Someone better.

”I’ll let you eat in peace”, Tomoko says. ”I’d like to talk with you before you leave though.”

”Of course”, Kouji answers.

There’s hesitation in his voice. Uncertainty. Tomoko leaves again. Kouji starts eating.

”The others kind of poofed as well”, Kouji says between bites. ”Off to live their own lives again.”

Kouichi pulls himself up a little. So he can see Kouji better. The brother he tried so hard to approach. Who is now just casually sitting in his bedroom.

”They seem to be doing well”, Kouji continues.

Kouichi can’t remember him talking this much in the digital world. Maybe the place changed him.

”Junpei says he’s starting to make friends in his class.”

Kouichi reaches for one of the sandwiches. Kouji is focused on his own food.

”Takuya joined the football team. Seraphimon knows he needs some way to get rid of all that energy.”

Kouichi rips off a piece of the bread, puts it in his mouth. He frowns when he realizes what he did.

”Izumi’s also making friends. And she joined the drama club.”

Kouichi swallows. It feels weird and his stomach rumbles.

”Tomoki’s doing stuff with his brother, it sounds like they’re getting along.”

Kouichi rips off another small bite of the bread, puts it in his mouth. Kouji grabs his plate with both hands.

”I’ve been there”, he says.

His voice is quieter. Barely audible.

”I don’t know what you’re going through, but I’ll always be here.”

Kouichi’s stomach protests. He can’t eat anything more.

”I’ll come over again tomorrow”, Kouji decides without asking Kouichi. ”We can watch a movie. Or I can just sit here and talk. Might need to do some homework.”

Kouichi puts the sandwich on his lap. Doesn’t say anything. He’s not sure he has a voice any longer. Kouji finishes his own food, talks a bit about his school. A private one. Kousei sent him there. Kouichi wonders what the difference is.

The clock ticks. Eventually Kouji stands up. Stretches.

”I’ll see you again tomorrow”, he says.

He smiles towards Kouichi. Kouichi doesn’t have the energy to return it. He watches as Kouji leaves, hears him talk with Tomoko for a couple of minutes and then he’s gone. Tomoko appears in the doorway. She smiles when she notices the sandwich on Kouichi’s lap.

”One day I want to know how you found him”, she says.

She puts the sandwich on the plate again. Kouichi’s not sure he can explain. How does one explain stalking someone so bad they almost die from it but instead they just end up as a spirit in another world? A spirit that commited warcrimes until Kouji found him.

How did he find Kouji?

----

Kouichi stares at the shower. Drops his clothes to the floor and steps into it. It feels like he’s washing months of grit off himself. Maybe he is. His shoulders feel a little bit lighter when he steps out of it again.

He’s exhausted though. He goes right back to bed and lies down. Stares at the walls in silence. Listens to the traffic outside.

Kouji comes by again. Sits down next to the bed and studies. Talks out loud about what he’s doing. Kouichi feels included, despite not talking. It’s nice. Maybe Kouji has forgiven him for what he did as Duskmon.

He eats half a sandwich when Tomoko brings them food. She looks happy. Happier. Not as sad. Kouichi likes it, she deserves to be happy.

----

It’s been a week since Kouji appeared. A week during which Kouji has spent every afternoon next to Kouichi’s bed, keeping him company. Kouichi eats breakfast in the kitchen for the first time since before he died. Tomoko loads the table with everything she knows Kouichi likes and Kouichi wishes he could eat it all.

His stomach protests. It still hasn’t recovered. He’s lost so much weight from the weeks in bed. But at least he’s starting to regain it. He eats what he can and then lays down infront of the television. Tomoko lets him. When Kouji shows up they watch a movie. Kouji falls asleep to it, and Kouichi can just barely stop himself from pulling some kind of prank on his brother.

----

He returns to school two days later. He’s so far behind the others already. A few of his classmates offer to help, but he rejects their offers.

He sits down by the desk when he gets home. Books on the table. He stares at them, doesn’t know where to even begin. The clock ticks. Kouji is late.

Kouji is even later. Did he get tired of Kouichi, just when Kouichi was starting to speak again? Makes sense, Kouichi thinks.

Kouji doesn’t show up that evening and the next day Kouichi has trouble getting out of bed again.

”He’ll show up”, Tomoko says, but she sounds as uncertain as Kouichi feels.

----

But Kouji shows up. Three days later he casually appears, leans against the doorframe and smiles.

”Sorry I’m late”, he says. Grimaces. ”I failed math and got a bit grounded.”

He walks into the room, limping. Kouichi raises an eyebrow.

”How did you fail math so hard you hurt your leg?”

”It was…” Kouji hesitates. ”It was applied math. Turns out I don’t know how fast I need to run to jump over a hurdle.”

That’s a lie, Kouichi thinks. He doesn’t say it. Kouji limps over to the bed, sits down with a quiet groan. There’s a bruise along his face as well. Kouichi doesn’t comment on it.

”Well, if you need help with math, maybe I can give you a hand. I need a break anyway.”

Kouji looks like he’d prefer to sleep, but he nods and Kouichi grabs a pen and a notebook and moves over to the bed. He flips through Kouji’s book, hmms and then they go to work.

A few hours later and Kouichi is pretty certain Kouji is at least as good at math as he is, or would be if his teachers had bothered to check what he learned in his previous schools. Constantly changing schools must have been rough. Kouji yawns, glances at the clock. His eyes widens.

”I need to head home”, he says.

There’s something panicky over his voice. Kouichi tilts his head.

”Alright. See you tomorrow?”

”I hope so”, Kouji says and packs his bag. ”Don’t get too worried if I don’t show up though.”

Kouichi follows him to the door. Says good bye. Kouji smiles at him.

”I’m glad you’re feeling better”, he says before disappearing down the stairs.

Kouichi is glad he’s feeling better as well. He stares after Kouji, listens as Kouji’s steps gets quieter and then fades out completely with the slam of the entrance door. Kouichi returns inside, hugs Tomoko.

”Sorry for worrying you”, he whispers into her shoulder.

She hugs him back.

”You have nothing to apologize for”, she says.