#tomila

It was supposed to be different. Klara had accepted her fiancé’s offer of running a bath for her because it was supposed to be different. It was a gesture of kindness, of wanting to help, and how could Klara deny that? She trusted Yuri, she knew he would never hurt her, and yet the moment she hears the faucet turn and the water begin to flow, the warm air of their home suddenly turns into the same stagnant musk that had hung heavy over the past year of her life. 

The first time she had been brought into that room, her hands were cuffed behind her back. Klara hadn’t understood why at the time, she had never been one to fight back, but she wouldn’t need them for long. That was before Tomila realized that she could just as efficiently pin Klara’s wrists behind her using only one hand; the other was always occupied with keeping the woman’s head underwater in the large sink that sat against the far wall of the desolate room. It was all part of her training, Tomila had assured her, and if she did well, she may not need to go through it again. Klara could never seem to do well enough, though. Those first weeks were the worst, as she tried and failed to say the right thing to keep the water out of her lungs. After some time, however, she had become more adjusted to Tomila’s expectations. When she messed up, she kneeled, when Tomila asked her where she was, she said ‘home’, when asked to recite their pledges, songs, or constitution, Klara did so without question. Seemingly satisfied with her progress, she had even been given a proper room and uniform. But even after that, she kept finding herself kneeling over that sink, with Tomila gripping her hair hard enough to make her eyes water. But Klara was careful to never cry during those times, tears only made Tomila angrier.

Klara had that feeling again, of hot tears welling up and blurring her vision, and there wasn’t any water on her face yet that could disguise it either. The faucet was still running, and she took the opportunity to rub her eyes clear with the sleeve of her dress. Assuming Tomila wasn’t watching her was a mistake apparently, as she heard hurried footsteps moving towards her. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Is all Klara can say before there’s a hand on her shoulder and she flinches at the touch. 

“Klara?” The hand remains on her shoulder, but it isn’t the same harsh grip Tomila had. She looks over to see Yuri’s worried eyes staring back at her. “Are you alright, darling?”

The water must have been turned off at some point, but Klara still cautiously looks toward the open bathroom door where she can see just a sliver of water peaking over the side of the tub. Yuri lightly squeezes her shoulder and her attention is reluctantly pulled away from the open door. She had been asked a question, she was supposed to speak when Tomila asked her to. 

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” When she didn’t know the answer Tomila wanted to hear, apologizing was usually the safest bet. But it wasn’t Tomila in front of her right now, it was her fiancé whose expression only grew more concerned by the second. 

“What are you talking about, dear?” Yuri’s voice was gentle, but it didn’t hide the worry behind it. 

“I don’t know.” Klara’s voice cracks and there’s nothing she can do to hold back the tears that manage to escape down her cheeks. She never used to cry, and that much was apparent by the surprise on Yuri’s face when she chokes back a sob. He quickly moves his hands to cradle her cheeks, wiping away what tears he can catch with his thumb. The gentleness of his touch was the only thing grounding Klara to the present, and after a moment, she allows him to pull her into a hug. A silence hangs between them for a long moment, broken only by Klara’s muffled sobs as she buries her face into her fiancé’s shoulder. Even after her crying quiets into small sniffling, Yuri keeps her close to him, holding her as though she were the most precious thing in the world. 

His voice is cautious and gentle when Yuri finally breaks the silence between them, “Will you tell me what has got you so upset? Did something happen?” 

Klara doesn’t even know where to begin answering that question. She must have been quiet for a bit too long as Yuri begins to correct himself, “You don’t have to. Tell me, that is, you don’t have to tell me.” 

Before he can continue stumbling over his words, Klara finally answers him, “I was only thinking a bit too much.” She lets out a nervous laugh and pulls away just enough so that she can wipe the tears from her cheeks. 

“About…” Yuri seemed unsure of how to address the subject without upsetting her.

She nods. She had only been back home for a few days by that point, and had truthfully been barely holding herself together. “When we were coming back, Fedya warned me about how those memories can manifest. I suppose it simply caught me off guard. Goodness, I’m sorry for giving you such a scare.” She gives him a smile, but it’s clear that he wasn’t convinced by her attempts to seem unaffected by the situation. With her eyes red from crying and the way she was still holding onto Yuri’s arm like he was her only tether to reality, it wasn’t difficult to see why he wasn’t keen on believing her. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, darling.” Yuri brushes away a piece of hair that had fallen into her face. “You don’t have to answer, but may I ask what startled you?”

Klara has to search for the right words before she’s able to come up with an answer. “Thinking about it now, it all seems quite trivial.” She nervously laughs again, “But it must have been the bath of all things.” Yuri raises an eyebrow and Klara understands his next question before he even gets the chance to ask it. Whatever smile she had attempted to wear quickly vanishes when she speaks again. “I know you would never do such a thing but, Commander Boyko- Tomila, she used to…” Even her name felt like bile on her tongue. Klara squeezes Yuri’s arm, just to remind herself of where she was and who was with her. She can’t bring herself to meet his gaze as she continues. “There was a room with a sink and she, she would take me there. When I messed up, or when there was training, that’s where she would take me.” It felt humiliating to recount it, and that feeling was only made worse by the tears that had returned to fall down Klara’s cheeks. Before she can start another apology, Yuri is already pulling her into a tight hug. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, that I didn’t do more to get you back.” To her surprise, Yuri now sounded as though he was also crying. “But I swear to the good Lord above, Klara, that as long as I live, no one will ever hurt you like that again.”