#toby talk

⚠️𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏⚠️

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Welcome to my little post space!! ^^

🪓 My name is Toby! Yeah, that Toby. Hi!! :D

🪓 Currently 28, born in 1997

🪓 My birthday is April 9th! 🎂

🪓 I'm a fictive, and there are tons of me in the system I share. We're all cool though :3

🪓 Yes I like waffles, lol let's just get that out of the way

🪓 I do have Tourettes and I tic when I front! [Coprolalia 🙄, mental, motor, echolalia]

+ (Our body only has stress tics and we're autistic, so those developed some time on their own.)

🪓 I'm Achillean-leaning bisexual, in case that's something you wanted to know, haha

🪓 In a relationship with Jeff ( @pretty-killer-catch ), Ben ( @ben-jamm1n ), Liu ( @bisexual-liu ), and Joanie ( @sick-fag )! 💖🥰💖

🪓 I'm also dogkin! I'm an Australian shepherd. I've actually met one irl whose name was also Toby!!! :D

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Other "fun" facts:

🔥 I'm bipolar and I have psychosis and BPD. (And a huge list of other disorders) Yaaaay! :') Body has bipolar depression and psychosis, so sometimes my symptoms are worse when I front.

🔥 I do have CIP-A! Closest way it translates out here is that I can take blows a little better than most. It obviously doesn't shut off our pain receptors entirely when I front, I'm just better about pain.

🔥 I know what human meat tastes like! :3

🔥 Usually if I can feel some aggression coming on, I take a nap. It keeps me from lashing out! 😁

Ummm other than that, ask me whatever you want, I'm open to conversation :3 bye!! 👋

Also not to mention if Dess is the Roaring Knight That would be the most fucking awesome thing ever and just ughghghgggjkgjkgfjkjkflg fuck Toby is such a good story teller holy shit.

I can't remember when it happened, like 2 or 3 years ago? My wife had made an online friend that she was very attracted to. They knew each other for about a month when the issue happened, which is very little time to get to know someone, and they were NOT dating. My wife is polyamorous and I'm monogam-ish. She's dated a few people post-marriage and aside from one of them being an asshole, I've been fine with that...until this specific incident.

They both were clearly too absorbed in the moment, and in a conversation about having kids one day, this friend mentioned that she'd only ever have kids if she were married to the other parent. My wife has always wanted bio kids. We don't have the money for kids at all, though I've also always wanted to be a parent. We just can't do it. Also, the friend lives up north in like Pennsylvania iirc.

After that conversation, my wife decided to talk to me about it. In this conversation, she offered that the two of us could get divorced so she could marry this woman from Pennsylvania in order to have kids.

Side context, my wife's maternal family (excluding my mil) had been wishing divorce on us for a while, and so did my wife's dad. They all think I'm too useless to be married to my wife, basically, for one reason or another. While I don't tend to care what they think, my wife knows that it did in fact upset me that these people who haven't even bothered to get to know me properly to begin with were all advising my wife to divorce me. It made me mad.

So my wife, in this conversation, after talking online with this woman for roughly a month, brings up divorcing me. The thought being in the general area of "it's just a piece of paper".

I broke.

I cried, she tried to apologize, I told her to get away from me, I spent at least one maybe two days crying about it and she kept trying to come in and talk no matter how adamantly I told her she had to leave me alone. So on top of the heartbreak that even SUGGESTING we divorce, she was also not giving me the space I needed and invading my boundaries.

She apologized profusely, didn't realize that marriage meant that much to me, begged me to forgive her. I consider it our biggest bump but we got past it.

Lately though, I've been thinking about it a lot again. That same friend ended up with a child anyway with someone local to her, pretty sure she never married, and I know this because my wife still keeps in contact. I'm not one to tell people who they can or can't talk to. It wasn't something that this friend actively knew about afaik so I can't really blame her tbh. I know it was my wife's own feelings getting the better of her. She deals with lifelong severe depression like I do, and nre is like SO euphoric for her.

I don't mind when she dated other people, they're usually local and I usually know or at least can meet them in person. I don't mind her having sex with other people, I don't have sex anymore and I know she really enjoys it and it's not something I can provide anymore anyway. Plus sec in general is just An Activity imo, it's exercise and any romantic or spiritual meaning attached depends on the person. I didn't know this woman and she had completely filled my wife's thoughts and the excitement even when she was saying the word "divorce" was just. Crushing. They never met in person, they never had sex, they barely knew each other as human beings and from my pov, are just as intense and impulsive as one another. Not a good match imo. But still, this happened.

And now a few years later, I can't stop thinking about it. They don't even really communicate that often anymore afaik, but any time I think about that woman (who shares a name with one of my best friends, mind you), I get upset all over again. I didn't get upset through those few years but I'm upset now for like a couple months now? I don't know why this has entered my mind again and why it's bothering me so much. Maybe I should bring it up in therapy...idk if we're that like connected yet tho. I'm very slow to trust anyone with the Deep Dark Secrets etc.

But it is still in fact bothering me. It keeps nagging at me in the back of my head that my whole marriage almost blew up over an online acquaintance. I can't fully be mad either cause I understand my wife's mind and how it's always looking for the next fix whether she realizes it or not, and that she has almost no filter about what comes out of her mouth. I understand and accept this and I love her with my whole entire soul! I just want to not be bothered by this anymore. I'd prefer if she met up with another local woman and was dating her as long as its understood that I am not interested in NOT being married and the ONLY way we would ever separate is if she either cheats on me, purposely or grievously harms me, or serves me the papers herself. I've never been interested in walking away from this marriage from my end and afaik I won't ever be.