#tnemm

You have to love her when it's easy.

You have to love her when it's hard.

You have to love her when she's spiralling.

You have to love her when she's recovering.

You have to love her when she fucks up.

You have to love her when she's doing great.

You have to love her when she's closetted. When she's not ready, when she's afraid to be herself.

You have to love her when she's depressed, when she's euphoric, when she's stressed and ill and relaxed.

You have to love her when she's vulnerable.

You have to love her when she's curled in on herself, hiding that gaping hole in her heart. When she's pushing you away and deflecting and protecting herself.

You have to love her when she's hurt.

You have to love her when she's happy. When all the cares in the world have melted away and she's in the moment and looking at something and wearing that smile you never see, when just for a moment, everything is okay.

You have to love her when she's so busy loving others that she isn't being loved herself.

You have to love her when she's losing herself.

You have to love her when she's disabled. When she can't eat, or clean or do anything but cry. When she can't stand or walk, when she can't see or hear.

You have to love her when she's in pain.

You have to love her when she's not herself.

You have to love her when she's someone else.

You have to love her when she feels hollow. When she feels like she's little more than a mass of flesh and bones that once had the idea of emotion.

You have to love her when she reads this and goes "yes, except for me".

for a brief moment, all was well in the world. we are loved. we are wanted. we belong and we get to exist not just in peace but also supported and cared about.

always so brief. always so fleeting.

it is better to love. our hearts break when we part, but nothing heals our hearts faster than being back with our girls. getting stronger and stronger each time.

it is always the first to arrive and the last to leave. squeezing every second it can with them, making sure they all arrive safe, all leave with knowing that it is there for them.

we are home after a genuinely amazing weekend with the local girls and. guh.

t girls are the best to ever do it. rarely have we felt so seen and supported and able to just BE without pressure or expectation or necessity. we did what we did because we wanted to.

we helped where we did because we could and were stopped from helping when we couldn't any more. we were respected. awa.

we also got beat, a muzzle forced on us, sicced on some snuffbait that we bit until it cried mercy, led around by collar and leash and further reminded of its inhumanity >:3

and. maybe found a new alter. or just reminded of the fact that we are a switch ehe...

we got to play with a pathetic, well trained Hound. it snapped to attention and would do what we (She?) said, without question or complaint. it was delightful.

we helped to break a thing into pieces. we forced a muzzle onto its head and watched it change before us.

it treats us (Her) with a reverence we adore. we might need a new blog too.

we got to milk a girl, beat a girl, direct the beating of another girl, make a toy cum twice in a straightjacket, groped and got groped, gave girls scritches until they melted, performed recon, got tied up with some lovely rope and just.

gods.

we didn't cry when the girls left but we're crying now. we miss the girls. we miss the community, the play, the fun. we miss Ours.

we gotta see them again soon. we gotta.

TNEMM is the Transfem North England Mutuals Meetup!

it is a group for north england transfems to meet each other, who are likeminded in kink and culture. we have regular meetups for play and socials, and a very active discord server where we talk, share kink ideas, and support each other! we have older girls, younger women, space for lots of different kinks, and real desire to make a space that we all feel welcome and supported in. we tend to meet up all over the north, sometimes in the midlands, and even in the south sometimes for events.

the hounds were hungry and needed to be sure that their maid was going to go make breakfast while properly motivated. everyone gave it a little kick, a little push, a little step on its locked up cunt to make sure it was truly and properly ready to serve

[it is a prop weapon proper safety was observed in this scene]

(check out the miscling appears tag to see more of this thing! also, if you like its pics and you wanna support it: send it cash!)

tag list below! poke it if you want adding! mutuals are especially welcome to ask!

this evening it's back from seeing some of the TNEMM girls and there's a joke in the group that it's totally a cult, and... it gets it, right? we're all really there for each other. we have in-jokes, and we're learning BSL together and have group signs, and we all want to run off with each other never to be seen again, and... it really is the most wonderful collection of girls it's ever brought together.

and itself, well it has joked that unlike most trans girl groups, this one is being run and organised by a *submissive* transfem, so it's not going to turn into a cult because there isn't a *dominant* figurehead for the group to get unreasonably dependent on. it's been really careful to support the dominants/switches in the group to make sure they don't get overwhelmed by the submissive demand in the group, and discouraged them from taking responsibility for the group.

on the way home, it was thinking about the relationships transfems form. how for near a decade the miscellany didn't really have any friends and how we'd been getting by alone. the miscellany isn't particularly unlikeable. we're funny, kind, and thoughtful, and for a long time no one connected with us at all and we couldn't even begin to guess why. we were completely isolated.

it thinks about how it loves the girls. how it's only made the relationships official with a few of them, but it would do anything for all of them. it gets excited to see them all, it's distraught when it's time to see them all home at the station. how it wishes it didn't have to come home, because none of them are here, because they are its home. it loves them completely, because they love it too - and it has learned that that kind of love is rare, and should be cherished when it's found.

it might be failing at the transfem 'don't start a cult' challenge, but at the same time... given everything we've gone through, isn't it just typical that as soon as we find a group that we love and care about and want to spend our time with, the strength of our feelings makes us think 'cult' and not that we love our friends and want them to be happy.

people are so convinced that friendships should be easy, that as soon as someone actually puts effort into bringing folks together and organising places for them to be and engaging them in their interests and falling in love with the girls it has found, the first thought we all have is 'whoops we started a cult!'

it loves its girls. it knows it's a joke. it's a joke it'll keep playing into because it's funny. but also, TNEMM isn't a cult, even if sometimes it's really good to get the group awawawaing and then listen to them all not only awawa but also do the sign for awawa that we coined in the group, even though it makes us all look completely insane adorable.