#tnbf

[ inside-concrete-walls-AU | Berlin, 1992 ]

hardships are plenty and at any given moment the world feels like it’s crumbling underneath my hands, i still struggle with things i thought i should be past and there is a voice that sounds a lot like my own, much quieter now though, that still sometimes says ‘unlovable’ and ‘unwanted’ but this past year has also been one of immense joy and love and connection i didn’t think were possible

the chance to meet and talk to some of the most amazing people i’ve come across in my short life and form friendships where i began to realize those same people care for me too and love me too and value me too, what a gift! i am so grateful and those lovely people know who they are and you included if you’re reading this! my mutuals here, those who’ve read my writing and continue to follow me and check up on me, patient with me when writing takes time, generous with their own time and comments, those who send me asks and those i’ve only maybe just met or don’t always talk to regularly—you’re all so special and important to me and i hope you know how much you’ve made my year!

so for me, time is a flat circle and all the years before and each version of me is still at the surface of my skin, all colliding and forming the person writing this now and i hope and think that maybe you’ll become more yourself in the new year too

Because of course I'm traveling to go to another convention for Andy Serkis. Of course I am. But mostly it's so I can see my friends, hang out with them in Denver, and tease keep each other company in line. 💖🥰🤩 Getting to see The Old Man is just a huge bonus. 😏

Almost immediately after my first post I got a few followers, and when I recogized some of the amazing fic writers I had come across I was so surprised and excited! Right away I felt welcome and I was so happy to know there were others out there also losing their mind over this man. 😂 Whether it's being unwell about his chest hair or melting over his smile, I love to see the solidarity!

Now it's a year later and I can't believe how much has happened! I met Andy twice and finally got to tell him how much I admire him, which already feels insane, but then the second time I also got to meet some of my beautiful moots, after traveling to Dallas and flying on my own for the first time!

On top of that, I started writing fanfiction again after close to two decades (which seems like it might actually be pretty good) and my posted word count just cracked 50,000 words at the very end of 2023. (What?? 😳). And I can absolutely say that that's only because of the wonderful, kind, thoughtful and incredibly talented people who've encouraged me, even (or especially when) I was having hard days.

So it might seem silly to say, but everyone who has liked, commented or reblogged my posts (your tags give me *life*), along with the wonderful people I've met through this little fan blog that I started on a whim, really have made my days so much brighter. 💕

Here's to another year of getting weird about that old man!

P.S. Give us the sparring scenes, Matthew 😏

P.P.S. I couldn't leave you without some Andy tax 😘

[ icw AU | Weimar Republic / Germany ]

Oh a long way he has come...