Sorry I don't have a valentine's thing to post I wasn't motivated enough </3 you know what I DID make though?!?! My original characters as things I'm currently into :] Playing dress-up with them is always fun :3 I matched their characters with their personalities!
(funny thing is, I could make parallels with a different IEYTD group with the first four guys. I might make that one too.)
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Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood âactual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if heâs in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much⊠not that. Which is fine and doesnât matter! Until Jiminâs impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook canât believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags:Â fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below cut
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This chapter is split into two parts, make sure to read 11B before you go onto chapter 11!
Jungkook had seen the venue that morning. He was wearing a tux. Heâd been along for the ride emotionally for the whole planning over the last year. It wasnât like he didnât know going into it that this wedding was the fanciest thing he would ever be at. But still, there was something overpowering about the event when it was finally time.Â
Or maybe he was nervous about other things.
No. No, it was the wedding, that was all.
He fidgeted with the cuffs of his shirt in his jacket sleeves as he, Jimin, and the other groomsmen waited in a lavishly decorated hallway for Inâam to descend so Jimin could walk her into the ceremony, one of the customs Inâam had wanted to preserve of Egyptian weddings. Â
They had already taken pictures a couple of hours ago, already caught on film when Jimin had seen Inâam in her wedding dress for the first time looking like a goddamn princess, that was the truth. The white and gold, the diamonds, the elegant fit, the graceful way Inâam always had of moving, it left Jungkook wondering not for the first time if heâd been casually chilling with a true princess all this time. Jimin cried. Jungkook almost cried because his friend was crying. Inâam glowed. It was nice to see your friends so happy.
Because of that, Jungkook had expected her appearance this time to be unremarkable. It was not. Jimin teared up again. He accused Inâam of getting more beautiful in the last hour. Inâam smiled and tenderly touched his face.
Jungkook cleared his throat and looked away at the intimate gesture. His whole body felt like a bag of bees. Nerves. He better not fuck up the wedding. That was all he was worried about. Seriously. Nothing else. Thatâs why it felt like he was moving through water with every wedding thing they did today, the ticking echo of a countdown clock in the background making the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. He just didnât want to fuck up their wedding. Honest to god truth.
There was nothing else to be nervous about.
The wedding event had control of two giant ballrooms, one for the ceremony and one for the reception. Jungkook offered his arm to Inaâmâs younger sister âwhom he had not slept with, just to be crystal clearâ and followed along behind Jiminâs brother and Inâamâs older sister down the central aisle. The sea of quiet chatter disappeared as a string quartet played something Jungkook couldnât recognize now. He was focused on not stepping on his partnerâs dress, but also he was scanning the faces.
She was here. Sheâd been at Inâamâs henna night. Heâd checked her instagram feed earlier because she was posting again but it was still just random cats and a fat squirrel terrorizing her dadâs bird feeder âwhich he sympathized with Baba more about now that he and Namjoon had their own squirrel problem. Nothing had been more gratifying than when heâd greased the pole and theyâd watched through the window as the fuckers slid helplessly back down to the ground.
Greased the pole as in he put crisco on the bird feeder hanger, not⊠not that pole⊠that had nothing to do with squirrels obviouslyâŠ
His thoughts were scrambled. He wasnât seeing her but there were so many people. Hundreds of people. And it was hard to see everyone because the lighting was all fancy, shining a spotlight on the wedding party as they paraded down the aisle between the birch branches strung with fairy lights. Yes, he knew they were birch branches because there had been a whole thing about it. There had been a whole thing about every single detail of this wedding. If he ever got married, he did not want it to be this way.
But Jimin and Inâam seemed happy despite all the battles with their family and thatâs what mattered. It was easy to smile at them as they took their positions in front of the officiant. His work was done for now except to stand there and look handsome and happy for them, so he went back to scanning the elaborately decorated room for a single face while trying not to look like he was doing exactly that.Â
She was here. She had to be here.Â
He saw May first actually, next to Minxi who had brought her as her +1, and Rebekah, and then Alex! Wedged in between Rebekah and Sabina, a dip between her two taller friends. She was having to lean this way and that to see in front of the taller people in front of her. She was short! She should have sat close to the front, or on the aisle! He almost didnât recognize her at first because she had a haircut. Bangs. Other than that, he couldnât make out much about her from this distance but she was here and relief settled around him.Â
Now he could relax and enjoy the wedding. The wedding was going on, and Alex was here, so everything was fine. He just hadnât seen her in so long! Not since the arcade, except when he had waved as she she drove away for Thanksgiving with Hoseokâs family.Â
Where, rumor had it, she had broken up with her boyfriend.
A whole ass two and a half weeks ago during which Jungkook hadnât heard from her, and had been too chicken to ask anyone else to confirm what he thought Mayâs texts meant. No one else had said anything, but maybe no one else knew anything yet? Or they just werenât telling him? It was fucked up, people should tell him that kind of thing without him having to embarrass himself by asking!
It wasnât like Jungkook was just sitting around waiting for gossip though, he really had been busy, thank fuck. It kept him from being able to just sit around waiting for her call ânot that he would have! Obviously! Just for her to say what? If he had anything to do with the breakup? Or if the end of that relationship at least meant they could be friends again, even if the breakup had been nothing to do with him, even if she just didnât return his feelings? He felt like being humble about the possibility rather than admitting his hopes might make it more likely to be true. If he was humble about it, maybe that would make the better thing true.
She hadnât dumped another guy for him, had she?
Had she?!
Was he just her go-to excuse for getting out of tough situations? Sheâd used the her grandma dying and her dog dying too many times, so âMy friend is in love with meâ was her backup?
So no, no he had not just been sitting around waiting for her, even if his brain had found plenty of time to wonder and worry and panic in between.
Work had been busy for the holiday shopping season. He and Namjoon had tried to do some late fall house things instead of paying someone else to do it, like cleaning the gutters. There had been lots of last minute wedding things to do, and emotional support to lend Jimin and Inâam, and a bachelor party last weekend that had taken two days to recover from. Plus he was an uncle now! Jinhyungâs baby was small and kinda weird looking but cute too, and heâd gone by a few times to visit or drop things off because his mom asked him to.Â
See! So much going on! He had not just sat around thinking about Alex and if she was okay, and if the breakup had been really upsetting, and who was buying her ice cream, and whether he had anything to do with it. May wouldnât tell him shit except for her cryptic out of the blue text: bye hoseok barely knew ye
Jimin and Inâam shuffled around to sing the contract âa sweet one they had written together and read out now like personal vows, meshing wedding traditions in a way that Jungkook admired partly because they did it despite their families. Families shouldnât have a final say.
Although maybe sometimes families should step the fuck up and say something if they noticed their son was in love with his friend; they could like, give him a nudge or something and help him figure it out soonerâ
Whatever. His smile was sincere as he watched two people he loved take a moment to celebrate this official, legal, spiritual, and familial merging of their lives in front of hundreds of people, many of whom they barely knew. But they were happy. Different people liked different things. Different people took different paths in life.
His gaze drifted out to the audience again. Would Alex cry at something like this? She hadnât cried at Namjoonâs wedding but that was a long time ago and she hadnât liked the bride. He didnât think she looked like she was crying. He couldnât tell from the distance. Was she looking at him?! Or the couple getting married in front of him? He straightened his shoulders and stretched his neck and smoldered, just in case.
His attention returned to Jimin and Inâam as they exchanged the rings, simple gold bands, their eyes shining brighter than any diamonds. Inâam glowed when she looked at Jimin. He couldnât see Jiminâs face but he could feel the same glow emanating from his posture. They loved each other deeply, exactly the kind of love you hoped for your friend. Jimin deserved that, and so did Inâam. They were two of the best people heâd ever met.
Oh fuck he was crying! So much for looking cool. Inâam noticed and smiled, which made him laugh awkwardly and lift a hand to wipe a tear, at which point he heard a sob from Taehyung in front of him.
âAre they crying?â Jimin asked and looked over his shoulder and laughed through his own tears. The bridesmaids were fine, but the groomsmen were crumbling as Inâamâs brother took a deep gasping breath amid a stream of tears. Inâamâs father, a big burly man with a stern face at all times, coughed and then loudly blew his nose. It earned a laugh at least in the near vicinity.Â
âWhy arenât you crying yet?â Jimin jokingly asked his brother.
âIâm in shock she married you,â JIminâs brother answered and Inâam laughed, Jimin laughed. Jungkook thought the laughter in the ceremony was one of the most important parts. The joy made the ceremony even more personal. Who cared that there were hundreds of semi-strangers watching you, if you could embrace laughter even in the height of an emotional moment like this? Thatâs the only way heâd ever make it through something formal like this. Only with someone he could laugh with.
Ahem.
The ceremony continued despite the brief pause. It felt simultaneously an eternity and too short.Â
Jimin and Inâam walked back down the aisle to cheers. Jungkook escorted Inâamâs sister back, trying not to make it obvious he was looking at Alex when he passed but May had a shit-eating smile anyway.Â
Jungkook was glad now that theyâd already taken the wedding party photos and he didnât have to roll right into that, but Jimin and Inâam had some to take with their parents and immediately family so there was still a break before theyâd do their grand entrance to the wedding party.Â
âWant to go sneak and say hello?â Taehyung asked with an elbow in his ribs.Â
âDouble entrance?â
âYou got something against DP?â
Jungkook snorted. How strange to not be in the gutter with Taehyung right now! The event organizer shouted after them not to wander off but Taehyung just kep walking; Jungkook promised her they were just going to get drinks and would be back before Jimin and Inâam. She ran this thing with an iron fist and he was afraid of landing on the wrong side of her.
Jungkook would not have known where to go in the mob of guests moving from ceremony ballroom to the bigger reception room, but Taehyung seemed to know exactly where he was going. So Jungkook stuck close as they wound their way through the crowd, around the gloved waiters circling with hors d'oeuvres on silver platters, past the open bars opening under the judgmental glares of the contingent of Inâamâs family who had lost the bid for a dry wedding. Jimin and Inâam were pretending to pay for it so as not to start a war between the families but secretly it was Jiminâs parents who had insisted wines, beers, and champagnes must be available or it wasnât a proper celebration.
Their group had curled around a standing table in the âminglingâ area of the ballroom, packed in among big vases of more birch trees so that it was a bit dangerous to get anywhere without running face-first into a sharp stick.
Alex had her back to him, the table awkwardly high in front of her, which May seemed to be mocking her about. They all had drinks; Jungkook didnât understand how they had escaped the ceremony hall so fast but his sense of time was all fucked up today. She had something in a martini glass and lifted it delicately from the too-high table but he couldnât see her sip it. Even if sheâd been facing him, he might have been too distracted by the way her burgundy dress clung to her body. Was that fucking velvet?! Her hair was down but curled, an unusual look for her; she always complained it didnât hold curl and he wondered if sheâd had it professionally done. Sheâd clearly dressed up. Damn, the dress was so fitted to her bodyâ
On second thought, he grabbed Taehyungâs arm and said, âHey, Iâm going to get a drink, want anything?â
âNah, line is too long.â
Jungkook didnât care. Velvet, was she really wearing velvet? Had he seen that right? Did he care about velvet? Apparently he did.Â
He turned tail and ran towards the bar in the far corner, but Taehyung was right that the lines were too long and now he didnât want to actually be gone that long. So when a waiter walked by with white wine on a tray, he took one of those and doubled back and this time made himself continue forward towards the cluster of his friends even as he felt his heart start to race.
Maybe joining the table next to Alex was a stupid move, but it was the natural entrypoint to the group, so he tried to keep his attention instead on May and Minxi. They looked fine, casual, but not really close so if you didnât know they were girlfriends you might not guess it. Was that on purpose or were they just not big on PDA? This was the first time Minxi had brought May to something; he hadnât been around to hear her introduce May as her girlfriend. He wondered what had been more surprising, the girlfriend or that the girlfriend was Alexâs sisterâ
Yeah, who cared about them. Alex looked up at him with a little squeak, because of course she did, he was suddenly right beside her, and when he looked down at her he did first notice that she was wearing makeup and looked really pretty nice, he noticed that first. Her eyelashes looked really big. But something else also big caught his eyes, right down the low v of her cleavage; she even had a gold necklace with lots of little dangly things to make sure your eye went right down the front of her dress. As if you wouldnât notice it on your own.Â
âYou look like plum wine,â he blurted out in an attempt to not say something worse. âYour eyelashes are nice.â
Alex stared for an eternity (one second) and then snorted right into a laugh. An Alex laugh. The most familiar laugh to him in the whole world and something inside of him healed just a smidge. She was laughing at him. Fuck, heâd missed her laughing at him. Endeared by the idiot she knew he was. Accepting of it.Â
Was he reading too much into a laugh? Maybe.
âHey, babe, your eyelashes look great too,â May said to Minxi. âBest eyelashes in the room.â
âYours are ok,â Minxi returned, to Mayâs gasp, and Alex explaining to Jungkook, âThe best part of this whole coming out thing is watching someone finally give May the shit she deserves. Boys were always too afraid of her, it was boring.â She sounded so casual that for a second Jungkook could believe the last six months hadnât ever happened. It was just Alex, the same Alex as before except really fucking fancy right now. Fancy Alex. He wanted to pet her. Old Jungkook would definitely have pet her like a dog and sheâd have pushed him away probably and heâd have teased her because why did she wear a dress like that if she didnât want people stroking herâ
Damn, it was going to be really hard not to touch that dress. It was begging to be touched. Right down her back, right over her assâÂ
Alex caught his stair and grinned, âYou like the sleeves?â She raised an arm and flapped it, showing how the fabric fluttered.
âUm⊠yeah, itâs nice.â
That seemed to have been the wrong answer; she glanced at him and looked a little sad, he thought? He couldnât fucking tell. He couldnât pretend to tell. Never in his life had he felt both so eager to understand what she was thinking and so hopelessly disconnected from her. Looks, gestures, words might all mean different things now than they used to. Or maybe theyâd always meant different things than heâd understood because heâd always just been stupid and wrong and believed it was true when she would say for the hundredth time that obviously she was not in love with him.
 A tray of food appeared briefly in front of them and Jungkook grabbed whatever it was without looking and popped it in his mouth. Chewing gave him an obvious excuse to not say something; now he worried he looked weird to be in a conversation with just these three instead of the whole table, like heâd specifically come here for Alexâs attention. He hadnât! (He had.)Â
âFor our wedding, I think weâll give some people a Minus One,â Taehyung said, gesturing to Sabina, to whom he had proposed a week ago. âSo like five people get to choose someone to disinvite from the wedding.â
Sabina covered her face and sighed, âYou stole that joke from Twitter, babeâŠâ
âWhat?! I would never!â
The awkwardness of it made everyone laugh but Taehyung didnât look bothered at getting caught, just sipped the champagne Sabina must have already snagged for him. Namjoon booed Taehyung and then looked at something on Rebekahâs phone, and then nudged Yoongiâs shoulder to get him to look as well.Â
So Alex had been hanging out with Yoongi at the table. Maybe theyâd even been sitting near each other at the ceremony. Jungkook hadnât bothered to look for anyone but her. He glanced at her, curious how that had gone, if she was as bothered as she had expected to be to attend without a date⊠as she seemed to be missing⊠He scanned the room just in case Hoseok actually was here, just getting Alex a drink or something. But she already had a drink, which she lifted and sipped again. And spilled a little on her chest. Jungkook pretended not to notice as she dabbed at it with a cocktail napkin. Heâd do it for freeâŠ.
âUm, howâs work?â she asked. It took him a second to realize she was talking to him, but she had to be because Minxi and May were suddenly whispering about something else and then May dragged Minxi off towards something and it was just the two of them standing there now on this side of the table.Â
âYeah. Uh, yeah, itâs good, itâs busy. Holiday season. Howâs your um, phone plan working for you?â
She snickered, âItâs, you know, a little more expensive than I was paying before.â He smiled too and looked away.Â
âYeah, well⊠itâs uh⊠sixteen full price frappuccinos a month?â
âPlease tell me you arenât drinking sixteen frappuccinos a monthââ
âWithout a discount? Are you insane?â
They shared a smile. Uncomfortable but trying. Namjoon and Taehyung laughed loudly at something and they both glanced over but Jungkook hadnât heard what it was and didnât really care.
âMy brother had his baby,â Jungkook contributed, worried that because she had turned, Alex would say something to pull herself into that other conversation and free herself from him.
âYeah, I know! Heâs so little!â
âOh, you knew?â
âI havenât gone to see him yet but mom did and took a lot of pictures.â
âYeah heâs really little⊠I mean, he doesnât do much yet.â
âHeâs like two weeks old,â Alex pointed out.
âYeah, I know! But you said you hadnât met him yet, so I just thought Iâd uh, tell you.â
Alex was grinning and he felt like she might be laughing at him. Her question felt too polite, âDo you like being an uncle?â
âNo, thatâs what Iâm saying, he doesnât know Iâm cool yet. He kind of just thinks Iâm another person to puke on.â
âI was going to say you have to wait twenty-one years before you can be the cool uncle and puke together but youâll be like fifty so maybe thatâs not really the cool uncle anymoreââ
âI wonât be fifty. Iâll be forty-seven, thanks,â he corrected. âDonât age me up, old lady.â
âListen here, when I was your age I wasâŠâ Her eyes rolled to the high ceiling as she pondered. âI donât know, eating ice cream and ragging on my sister for dating my friend without telling me?â She always did that when he called her old, say whatever sheâd been doing âwhen she was his ageâ two weeks ago. Some things never changed apparently.
It gave him a dose of hope.
âOh yeah. Yeah.â
âHeard you knew about that before me,â she prodded.
âYeah but um⊠we werenât talking and anyway I think thatâs the kind of secret you keep⊠Iâm actually really good at keeping secrets.â
âYeah even from yourself I guess?â
âI⊠guess⊠yeahâŠâ Was she jokingly referencing his feelings? Right here? Before theyâd even drank alcohol?!
But he couldnât be sure, because instead she asked, âHow did you find out? She wouldnât tell me.â
âOh, I ran into her in a gay club.â
âOh, you frequent gay clubs now?â
âUh, not for me,â he quickly assured her. She looked like she wanted to ask more, but Taehyung leaned across the table and said, âJimin called me, we gotta go back.â Which annoyed Jungkook because he was kinda in the middle of somethingâ but obviously he had to go. Obviously his friendâs wedding was more important than him slowly thawing the ice between him and Alex. Obviously.
Maybe it was better. He didnât feel on his game. He was flustered in a way he hadnât expected, even though she was laughing at his jokes, but he wasnât sure he really trusted it. Maybe she was just being polite. Or if she thought he was funny but just in the haha youâre my dopey friend way. Which he would accept, if that was it! If she just was going to ease back to being his friend again, all right! That was better than nothing! Maybe it had to be that because despite seducing a hundred women (ok it was nowhere near a hundred but a guy had a reputation to uphold), he didnât have any real idea about how to seduce Alex.
Not that he was trying to seduce her! Or, well, sorta. If she was single. And into that. Into him. If she wanted to be seduced. By him.Â
Fuck, he felt so awkward because she just looked at him like she was waiting for him to say something âor, worse, waiting for him to fuck off! He couldnât tell! Was he interferingâ
Oh shit, was Alex here cruising to pick someone up?! A not him someone? That could explain the dress! She never wore something that long and form-hugging and tit-attention-grabbing! Ever!
But even if sheâd been wearing a grocery bag, heâd probably be this nervous because A.) a grocery bag could rip and then sheâd just be naked right in front of him and more honestly B.) for the first time in their lives she knew he was into her at the same time she might be single.
A cold ball of dread rotated in his gut as he followed Taehyung back to join the rest of the wedding party in front of the ceremony room again.Â
He didnât appreciate it when Taehyung nudged him, âEh?â
âEh what?â
âYou two looked like dweeby college kids checking each other out at a party.â
âShut up,â Jungkook scoffed and shoved his shoulder but it just made Taehyung laugh and Jungkook wished Taehyung knew something he didnât. Like his friend was comfortable teasing him because he already knew things would work out ok. Jungkook didnât know that. He didnât know fucking anything right now except that Alex looked really pretty and he wanted to pet her dress.
On second thought, he asked, âShe broke up with Hoseok, right?â
âI donât know, I wasnât there, you should ask her.â
Jungkook narrowed his eyes at Taehyungâs smug grin. But still, it made him a little hopeful, because yeah, he didnât think Taehyung would be teasing about that if he knew for sure Jungkook had no chance. Though why Taehyung would know if Jungkook had a chance escaped him, so probably Taehyung was just being a smug shit because his love life was already settled. Lucky him.
âWhy did you call us back so soon?â Jungkook asked as they reached Jimin and Inâam.
âShe wants some more pictures,â Jimin tattled.
âHe wants some more pictures,â Inâam corrected and Jiminâs shit-eating grin made that clearly the truth.
Taehyung joked, âYeah you pulled us away just as Jungkook was starting to twirl his hair and flutter his eyelashes atââ
âFuck off, I was not.â
âLanguage,â Inâam scolded, tossing her head towards her younger sister, who rolled her eyes nearly out of her skull.
âI know how to say âfuckâ, Inâam.â
âYou better not!â
Jimin just backhanded Jungkook playfully in the stomach and suggested, âHey maybe donât wait so long this time? Someone might move in.â
âYeah, I know, she looks really nice tonight.â
âSo tell her thatââ
âHey I donât need anyoneâs help seducing anyone,â he lied. âI donât need the advice of anyone hereââ
âAh, I didnât realize you were just going for quick seduction. I thought you were wanting more longterm, like uhâŠâ Jimin playfully gestured between himself and Taehyung, and Jungkook got the message. The married guy. The engaged guy.
He just scoffed, âFocus on your own wedding, my man, you havenât even made it through the dinner yet.â
âOK but we are legally married so we could just run away if we want to,â Inâam suggested, which made Jimin laugh and wrap his arms around her.
âWeâre not running away.â At her frown, he grew a little more serious and said, âWell, if you need to, signal to me and weâll go.â
âYeah?â
âPromise.â
It was kinda fucking romantic and Jungkook felt like maybe he should be taking notesâŠ
The music started down the hall and even though he knew it was coming, it startled Jungkook out of his fluster about Alex. Various drums and a horn started first, and he could see the saxophonist though not hear it over the pounding of the drums. He wondered if hotel guests could hear this all the way into the main reception area and would wonder what was going on, though it felt obvious to him something joyous was happening.
A womanâs voice ululated, the distinct sound instantly capturing Jungkookâs attention as she beckoned them all to follow her down the center of the musicians towards the reception hall as four belly dancers took up place ahead of her to lead the way. Their costumes were sparse and shiny and tasseled and the way they moved their bodies was mesmerizing. They were working, probably off limits to a scoundrel like him, but maybe in another timeline Jungkook would have tried his luck with one of them. Probably one of the younger ones but hey, the two older ones might be cool too.
But tonight Jungkookâs thoughts were held by one woman in particular, and the suggestion of the same softer, fonder, longer-lasting thing that glowed in Jiminâs and Inâamâs faces. She looked like a queen again as she began to slow dance forward, swaying, moving her arms, flower bouquet raised like a beacon. Beside her, Jimin looked like a fucker in love, eyes all sparkly, what you could see of them above his wide, besotted grin as he held Inâamâs other hand and danced with her along the procession. It helped that Jimin had always been a good dancer with a natural grace. He looked right at home with Inâam in this procession, surrounded by voices singing in a language Jungkook couldnât understand.Â
Taehyung shrugged and grinned at Jungkook as they doubled up with the bridesmaids again to follow, but the movement was slow, and there was nothing so formal as holding hands or dancing in doubles. Everyone roamed this way and that along the slow progress, joining the singing or shouting at times. The music moved through his arms and legs, so Jungkook felt pretty in tune with it âonly for a moment did he feel self conscious when they entered the reception hall with all the music and shouting and dancing and he immediately spotted Alex, right where heâd left her, watching the whole thing.Â
She turned away when she saw him, but it was just to take Rebekahâs hand and dance with her, like most of the guests were doing. In a way it made him feel like they were dancing together. At least they were in the same party, the same celebration. Did she think this was cool? Would she want this much noise and attention made aboutâ
OK, he was not going to think about Alex and weddings before heâd even gotten to really talk to her! Besides, he didnât think she would want that much attention. But maybe she did? Turned out there were a lot of things he didnât know.
Well, heâd know long before they got to that point. If they got to that point! Oh god, marriage?! He just wanted to rub her velvet ass!
Ok, no, he wanted more than that. A lot more than that. Inclusive of that.
Thank god the drums were loud enough to drown out his panic again. He had an image to uphold. Just because he was nervous seeing Alex again for the first time in so long didnât mean he needed to get ahead of himself. Step one was just to convince her to let him back into her life. That was the goal for this evening. Be Alex and JK: Friends Forever again.Â
*
Alex had prepared to feel bad for Jungkook and Taehyung that theyâd be stuck sitting up at tables near the front, but then it turned out they were at the same table as her after all. Not next to her though; her seat had her between Namjoon and Sabina. She wondered if that was reflective of when she and Jungkook had not been talking. Theyâd separated them. And sure they could have just ignored the seating chart but for some reason no one did. They sat at their assigned seats at their round table and fidgeted with the water glasses and silverware and little cardstock nametags. They caused a ruckus at their table as they got situated with their drinks and appetizers, fighting over whose knife was whose, and damn it felt good to be back among her friends, even if her dumb sister was there too. They cheered the loudest at Taehyungâs best man speech, and the additions Jungkook made when he crashed it, that set both of them and Jimin off crying just like they had in the ceremony.
Jungkook looked so cute when he cried. His nose and eyes got so red and his pout gained strength. The contrast of it was just so funny because he obviously looked handsome as shit in his tuxedo but then his little baby eyes were flooding his pout like he hadnât got the color milk cup he wanted.Â
Damn he cleaned up well. So well. So well he looked like he belonged in this kind of high-dollar, elegant, sophisticated world that Jimin and Inâam had invited them into for their wedding. Alex had known Inâam came from money but she did not realize Jimin did as well, and honestly the whole wedding was fucking bonkers. Alex had felt overdressed until she got here and now worried she was underdressed. Her dress was simple, floor-length, a-line, faux-wrap, flutter sleeves, honestly the fanciest fucking thing sheâd ever worn, but not elaborate the way so many of the other women were dressed with their bright colors and sparkling jewels. There was so much gold in this room right now but her only gold was the little necklace her mom had given her for her birthday a few years ago and earrings she had borrowed from May. Her dress wasnât actually an expensive one. Sheâd taken a chance on one of those online websites that seemed too good to be true, but the thing had fucking delivered. She felt pretty.Â
Pretty enough to get noticed? Maybe soâŠ
Maybe it was just the glow carrying over from Inâamâs henna night, which she had danced her face off at, and stayed up all night talking with more of Inâamâs friends and sisters and cousins than she had met before, and just basked in the joy and love and cultural tradition. It made her a little sad her own family wasnât more traditional. Sheâd said as much to her mom, who had threatened to whack her with the newspaper after apparently complaining a little too much growing up about the ways in which they were. But Egyptian traditions were so cool! Her mom had whacked her on the arm.
She just found the wedding magical and overwhelming, way more than she had expected to, since her visibility into the planning of it had been all the stress and drama. She hadnât understood the true scale of it, even after the engagement party. The one where she had asked Jungkook to come as her date and heâd so emphatically turned her down.
And here he was, dateless, just like he had wanted.
And here she was dateless too, but actually it wasnât so bad. It left her free to snicker into her napkin every time Namjoon made a quiet, bitter comment under his breath during the speeches that accompanied dinner. He wasnât serious; clearly he was doing it for laughs, and it was working, earning him lots of laughs from her and Rebekah on his other side and Yoongi on the other side of her. Yoongi who was oddly here without his fiance.
Ok, maybe Alex was exaggerating her laughter a little. Because Jungkook kept glancing over when she laughed, and also she just wanted to be clear to everyone that she didnât have a date because of her own choice. Sheâd had a wonderful boyfriend who had been fully prepared to escort her to this wedding.
And then sheâd dumped him in the airport. Not her best moment. But so it happened, and now she was single at this wedding.
And here was Jungkook too, without a date, not yet latched onto anyone else.
She didnât want to seem as pathetically eager for his attention as she was. She leaned on her friends for strength. It led her to do other stupid things besides laughing too loud and drinking too much champaign too early in the evening and accidentally, in a moment of messing around with Namjoon, flinging a spoonful of rice onto the floor. Not her fault! Namjoonâs! He seemed unusually playful too. It was his fault.
She worried she was being too loud and annoying.
She needed to do something less obvious. Less desperate-seeming. Less Jungkook-attention-seeking.
So in a fit of bold stupidity, after a truly fascinating performance by the quartet of bellydancers who had led the procession in, when they ran through the tables passing out jingly scarves to encourage guests to come dance with them and Sabina grabbed Alexâs arm, she went. Why not? Get away from the table, away from trying not to make eye contact with Jungkook, look bold and brave and single ready to mingle just in case, you know, anyone was watching or something.Â
Alex tied a jingly scarf around her hips and attempted to bellydance in the middle of the dance floor.
âI canât move my hips like this,â Alex giggled to Sabina, clutching her arm as the bellydancers tried to lead them.
âYou can,â Sabina insisted, taking her arms so they danced facing each other, which helped Alex drown out the knowledge she was bellydancing in the middle of a wedding where most people were not. Granted, it was a crowd on the dancefloor doing this, and others were dancing at their tables, and she didnât feel like there was really anyone paying attention to her but still. âWiggle like you are getting fucked!â
The laughter from Alex was nearly a shout as she gave Sabina a playful shove, âThatâs not right! Thatâs what you look like?â Despite Sabinaâs elegance and beauty, these movements didnât come natural to her either; she was sort of cute and stiff with her gyrations. Alex watched one of the bellydancers âwho was actually very close to her own body type! That was cool!-- and tried to move her hips and shoulders the way the professionals did. All sizes could look good belly dancing. Theoretically.
She was sure it wasnât working. But actually it was really fun and playful to try, and the jingle of the scarf did make her feel a little sexy about her attempts. And even if she looked silly, all right, who fucking cared? She didnât have to dance to the beat or impress anyone, it wasnât about that. This was new Alex, Alex 3.0, Alex who did what she wanted and enjoyed herself and celebrated the love of her friends unabashedly and tried new things with limited fear and didnât give a shit what other people thought about her and what she wanted, Alex who went after the things she wanted in life. Alex who surrounded herself with people and things and goals that let her feel like enough.Â
Alex who was actually kind of digging this belly dancing thing. Maybe she should take a class or something? She was kind of feeling this! When the dancers moved through all of them and she found herself surrounded by happy, joyful, beautiful women, she felt that same tidal wave lifting her as she had at the henna night.Â
Yeah. This was going to be a good night. She could feel it through the drumbeat echoing in her bones.Â
Catch me if you can, she thought in Jungkookâs direction, trying not to look over at him. But also she wouldnât make it hard. But also she wanted to feel the effort.
âIâm going to tie this on Namjoon,â Alex said to Sabina. âLetâs get everyone up now?â
âI refuse to give this to Tae, he will keep it!â
Alex wished she felt confident yet to go up to Jungkook and tie the scarf around him. Soon, she thought. I hope. She glanced at her phone as they sauntered back to the table. Barely 6pm. But not yet, she grinned, because the night was just beginning, and Alex had come dressed to party, so party she would.
âNamjoon! Dance!â
âWhaa? No⊠Iâm finishing my food.â
âGet up, you oaf, your turn to shake your hips. Itâs your friendâs wedding, donât be a spoilsport.â
He sighed and stood up as if he didnât have a choice. Most people were done eating now. The dinner music was still going as people finished their meals, but the belly dancing seemed to signal a transition to the dancing part of the evening.
âHey, whenâs the cake?â Taehyung asked. âI want to make Jimin laugh when he cuts it with the sword.â
Rebekah gave him a look and prodded, âShouldnât you know? Arenât you one of the groomsmen running this thing?â
âOh shit, no, they donât tell us anything,â Taehyung laughed. âThey just tell us to stand places, look pretty, and make sure Jimin doesnât break his nose again.â
âHe feels guilty, it was his fault,â Yoongi explained to all with a snicker.
âIt was not!â
Taehyung wrestled the scarf out of Sabinaâs hands despite her protests and insisted as he shoved it against Jungkookâs scarf, âIt was. Now dance your penance. Letâs see how many fish you catch.â
âNah, man, Iâm not fishing tonight,â Jungkook said with the air of a designated driver. Alexâs head tilted. What⊠did that mean? Was that good or bad? Related to her or not? Was he thinking of a +1 he didnât get to bring or⊠had he sworn off sex or something?! This might complicate thingsâŠ
May leaned around and stole the scarf and turned to Minxi with a gleam in her eyes, despite Minxiâs adamant shake of her head and announcement, âI donât dance.â
âFor me?â
âPrivately.â
âYeah, me too, I only dance privately these days,â Jungkook agreed as if their conversations were connected.
âOh yeah? For who?â Taehyung demanded.
âYou snails are too slow, Iâm going to dance, goodbye!â Alex shouted, and grabbed Rebekahâs hand, and fled to the crowd of the dance floor to escape. Even though sheâd eaten so much at dinner she felt like puking. Better not to do that right in front of Jungkook, yeah?
*
Jungkook had lost sight of Alex. Easy to do since she was so short. He ought to have tied a balloon to her wrist âa joke he had made many times over the years, at concerts and amusement parks. She had reacted about as youâd expected: offended but also demanding he buy her a balloon.
He sighed. After sheâd run off to dance with Rebekah earlier, heâd had a hard time engineering their paths crossing. Heâd try to dance near her and then sheâd be gone for cake. Heâd try to meet up with her for cake but sheâd be getting a new drink. Heâd try to grab wine from a tray to save her the line but then sheâd be back on the dance floor. And then just as heâd get close to her, the damn event planner would be flagging him down for some other groomsman duty: joining a traditional dance, carting the gifts out to Inâamâs brotherâs car so he could take them home before anything got lost, helping Jiminâs grandmother out to her ride because she was ready to go home very early.
He was frustrated. The evening was rushing by and he wasnât getting any time in Alexâs orbit. Everything was in the way. Everything was fucking interferingâ
A hand touched his arm and then quickly pulled back; he stepped to the side, assuming someone was trying to squeeze past him to the dance floor heâd been surveying for any sight of her.
But it was Alex who looked up at him now from beneath the fringe of her hair.
âHey,â he greeted, realizing he sounded more surprised than cool. He sounded like heâd been looking for her. He didnât want to be that obvious.
âHey, um⊠do you⊠want to dance? With me?â She blink at him, owlish in her ask. She shouldnât be owlish. His heart thudded heavily in his chest at the question. No lead up. No prep. Sheâd just asked him outright. So straightforward. He would have fumbled for a while probably.
âOh. Uh yeah, sure.â
âI still suck, just to be clear.â
âOkââ
âI donât want to mess up your game or anythingââ She broke off when he touched her shoulder, nudging her to the dance floor. Her whole posture went rigid, like she was being marched to the principalâs office. Jungkook would have liked to reassure her but was too busy holding himself back from touching her more; he let his hand fall away from her shoulder in an attempt not to just wrap his arms around her and confess: whatever you want, yes, all you have to do is ask, Iâve been looking for you all night, donât wander off again.
The anticipation of touching her again made him jumpy. When she suddenly turned and stopped, he plowed into her and grabbed her shoulders to keep them both from falling, which pulled them close together. Just as quickly they sprang apart.Â
He wasnât prepared for her laugh, âYou arenât nearly as smooth as I always thought.â
âShut up,â he grumbled. âIâm just nervous.â
âBout what?â Her eyebrows lifted up behind her bangs. Teasing him. Taunting him. Fuck he had missed this.
âIt looks like you donât have eyebrows anymore.â
She huffed and swiped at them, brushing them to a slant so he could see a little more forehead and one eyebrow.Â
âThere, better?â She lifted her hands to his shoulders, reaching high, but it felt too middleschool to him, even though he liked that it pulled her close. But shit in looking down at her face it was impossible not to be drawn deep into the line of her cleavage just beneath her chin, like the view was just perfect and he didnât want that to show on his face, so he tugged her hand into his for a more proper dance position. He admired more than her tits, they were just so there tonight! Taunting him too! Everything about her taunted him tonight. Why had she worn this dress, damn!Â
The music was faster but they just swayed at their own pace, shuffling a little with each step. Jungkook focused at first on making sure he didnât step on her toes or the hem of her dress or bump her into anyone else âanything to try and distract him from the reality he was dancing this close with Alex, that her body was very close to pressing against his and her hand was in his, until he could handle that knowledge. Her hand was sweaty but so was his so maybe she couldnât tell about him.Â
âSoâŠâ Her lips pursed into a duck pout. He wanted to kiss her.
âCanât believe you got bangs,â he teased. There. Easy. Simple. Sheâd always said bangs would make her look like a fifth grader.Â
Her smile was immediate, a little bashful as she admitted, âYeah, it wasnât a great decision butââ
â--I think they look niceââ
âBangs are like the thing you do after a break up, I guess? Itâs a rule. Itâs in the handbook. I finally got my copy..â
âAh.â Break up. Break up. She mentioned they broke up. She just put it out there. She just said it. âUm, Iâm sorry to hear you uhââ
âAre you?â
âNo,â he admitted. He was relieved she laughed too. Was it like Yoongi? He wanted to ask but didnât. Just used his fingers on her back to pull her a little closer. âSorry I wasnât there to buy you ice cream this time.â
âItâs ok. Raincheck.â
âFor⊠after your next breakup?â
âI hope not.â
His skin was tingling. He felt like she might be having a different conversation or he might be misunderstanding and reading too much into the things she said so he shut his mouth for a moment and just enjoyed swaying with her. He looked around at the other couples and groups dancing. It felt like they were in a different place, dancing to different music. There were loud groups of people still clustered around tables, some drinking, some just loudly talking. The dimmed overheads and fairy lights actually made everything feel a little like prom. And he was just here, drifting in the middle of it all. With Alex. Perfectly, finally at peace.Â
He realized his fingers were stroking the fabric at her shoulder and, to hide this gaf, said, âYour dress is really nice. Really soft.â
âYou like it? I worried it was a little low cut butââ
âNah, itâs perfectââ
âMight seem too aggressive.â
âAggressive?â
âYou know, like⊠too obvious.â
âToo obviously⊠hot?â
âIs that what you think it is?â she asked him, looking up, bangs hiding her brows again. They did make her look younger but it wasnât a bad thing either way.Â
âYeah, itâs hot as fuck.â Shit, maybe he shouldnât have said that. âI mean, you look really pretty,â he hurried to add, even though that felt nauseatingly vulnerable for some reason. What, he couldnât tell Alex she looked pretty? Yeah, he couldnât. He always felt like a compliment like that to her would say too much. Show too much genuine interest. Or she wouldnât believe him. Or she wouldnât want that kind of attention from him.
âYou clean up pretty nice,â she countered. âI liked your speech.â
âI liked your belly dancingââ
âHey, be nice.â
âIâm serious!â
âYou know I canât dance.â
âI really liked it.â
âAre you being gross?â she demanded, a spark of their old relationship, and he felt great joy in admitting, âYes.â But then worried it was too much, too quick, they hadnât been comfortable in so long and corrected, âNo, but I meanââ
âUh huh.â
âAh, AlexâŠâ he sighed and didnât know what else to say, just looked away and was grateful she was short so it was easy not to look in her face. He wondered if sheâd know if he wiped his sweaty hand off on her dress. He was really sweating. It was going to soak through his shirt.Â
âI guess yourâ Anita hasnât been keeping up with you?âÂ
It was the most awkward and blatant fishing attempt heâd ever seen. Alex didnât have grace for that kind of game, a thing he loved about her.Â
âWell, funny storyââ
âThat starts with a threesome?â
âWhat?â
âOoh, are you starting to squirm?â she giggled, looking actually gleeful. âYouâll look like an asshole if you run away and leave me mid-song.â It was the second song but he didnât point that out because obviously he wasnât going anywhere.
âIâm not running away, I justâ what are youââ His eyes narrowed. âWhoâs been telling you what?â
âJust a little birdââ
âAleeeeex,â he leaned a little closer to sound serious and insisted, âJust ask me what you want to know.â
âYou arenât dating Anita, right?â
He snorted, âNo, Iâm not dating Anita.â Her eyes looked so dark and sparkly when she looked up at him from this angle, and he thought she might be a little serious right now too. âIâm not dating anyone, if anyone wants to know.â
âRight, you donât date.â
âIââ
âYou donât go to a party or a wedding with someone, but you always leave with one. Or two, if itâs your birthday!â
âOk, thatâs not quite what you think.â
âWhat do I think?â she asked, and duck-lip pouted again, and looked up at him with challenge. He started to feel nervous for other reasons now, like this was rocky and whatever this was might be about to break apart. He couldnât tell if she was seriously amused or not because all these years heâd always thought she was amused but maybe she hadnât been if she had secret romantic feelings for him. Actually maybe Alex was really good at hiding things from him.
âAre you mad?â
âNo, youâre a free man to do whatever you want.â
âOur birthday party⊠ah,â he sighed, and looked away again and shuffled her to the side so they could move further from the speakers and hear each other better without having to talk so loudly anyone else could overhear. âI was really sad and got too drunk because you werenât there. Maybe I did um⊠ask Anita and Seychelle to go home with me⊠I was drunk enough to shoot my shot.â He grimaced. âThey took me home and put my drunkass right to bed and then fucked on our couch.â
âWhat?!â Alex gasped and pulled away and let out a cackle of a laugh. âNo!âÂ
âYeahâŠ. I guess I cried and then fell asleep in the car or somethingâŠâ He hated admitting the pathetic truth but felt like maybe it was better that she understood ok, maybe he had tried to have a threesome on his birthday, but it was because heâd wanted something wild to soothe his broken heart, not because his feelings about her werenât true.
âNo, we said no sex on the couch!â she laughed and hit him on the arm as if heâd done the deed.
âWell I didnât have sex on the couch! They did it without me!â
They were too loud and people looked over at them but her laughter was a relief.Â
âOh my god that is so embarrassing for you⊠I was going to tease you about finally getting the threesome of your dreams but this is way better! I mean, not the part about you drunk crying, butâŠâ
âYeah yeah⊠as long as youâre happy about itâŠâ he grumbled.
âBut damn, Seashellâs really moving through our group, huh? What do you think, would she like me in this dress? She didnât seem interested in me when IââÂ
She held her arms up in dance position again, a childish wordless request to resume dancing, and he nearly tripped in his haste, sliding into her space again.Â
âDonât talk to Seashell,â he interrupted.Â
âAhhh, are you jealous because she outfucked you?â
âWhat does that mean?â
âI donât know, are you feeling competitive? Sheâs getting more sex than you from your own friendsââ
âI donât want sex with my friends,â he snorted. âUh⊠most of themâŠâ Shit, was it better to say that or not say that?
âI knew you and Taehyung were a little too closeââ
âAlex,â he whined and laughed and pinched her shoulder. âDonât spread rumors about me.â
âYeah, I know, you hate attention, huh?â He scowled. She returned his stare. He loved her so deeply it made him want to laugh and slap his own face. How had he not understood what this feeling was in moments like this? Because these moments werenât new.Â
She was the one to continue, âWell, I suspected you werenât dating Anita, but I did think you got your threesome. Iâm both relieved and sad for you.â
âRelieved, huh? Why, jealous? You were getting railed plentyââ
âOk, letâs not quite say it like that,â she rolled her eyes.Â
âBut would you be? Jealous?â he pressed, desperate for her to say yes.
She shrugged, âI donât know. I had just turned you down.â
âYeah. Broke my heart,â he joked though it wasnât a joke.
She retaliated, âBesides, if I let myself get jealous every time you fucked a girlâŠâ
âBut did you? Feel that way every time?â The question was too serious. Oops. It had rolled off his tongue without him thinking it through. Before she could answer, he teased, âWhatever, I had a bunch of swings and misses in a row. And yet here you are, alone at the wedding you wanted a date for.â
Her voice had the same wistful, teasing tone to it when she added, âDancing badly with you in front of everyone even though you wanted to be left alone so you could find a bridesmaid to fuck.â
âAh, shit, you really know how to punch a guy in the nuts.â
âI just said the truth!â
âNo,â he insisted. âThe truth is Iâm right where I want to be right now.â
âThatâs not what you said back then,â she sang. She was still trying to keep it light. He appreciated that. He could also appreciate there was some fair muscle behind these jabs as they circled each other and tried to suss out the updates, the truths, the right nows.
âYeah, but I was an asshole back then,â he said. âIâm a changed man now.â
âMm-hm.â
âTurns out I donât like you leaving me alone.â
âYeah,â she snorted. He wasnât actually sure what she meant by that, but she was still in his arms and didnât actually seem mad so heâd take it. Actually, what he didnât want to say was that he was thrilled other people were seeing them dance together for going on a third song now. He was psyched that people passed them or glanced over at them and in their minds saw a more permanent connection between him and Alex, the kind that didnât end with after a single song. Maybe they were thinking oh, theyâre together, thatâs cute. Maybe they were thinking damn thatâs an attractive couple.
âJungkook.â
âYes,â he responded to the summons from his drifting thoughts. Her bangs had fallen down again and without thinking about it, he brushed them back to the side. She caught his hand and twisted the other so she had both hands in her grasp, commanding his attention.
âI broke up with my boyfriend two and a half weeks ago and I still feel kind of shitty about it.â
âOh.â
âWe donât have to talk about it. It just sucks to know I wasnât my best self and I was kind of selfish and shitty in the end and⊠itâs really embarrassing when someone sees the bad parts of you, you know?â
âYeah. I know.â
âI mean, he was a great boyfriend. He did everything right and he was kind and thoughtful andââ
âOk, I know. He was the best guy to ever walk the earth. I got it. I saw itââ
âYeah and I keep breaking up with these great guys and just forâŠâ
For me. Say for me, he pleaded in his mind. But the new song was louder and people started jumping behind her. He tugged her close and spun so she was on the outside of the dance floor, safe from being bumped or nudged. It was harder to hear though over the louder music. He leaned down to hear whatever she might say next but he must have leaned too close because she blinked at him in surprise.
And then she lifted onto her toes and took hold of his shoulders and kissed him. Rushed and clumsy, full of uncertainty, and obvious impulse . Her lips just pressed to his, hurried, without any plan.Â
It was the best kind of kiss Jungkook hadnât even hoped for.Â
A kiss!
She kissed him!
He slid his arms quickly around her to keep her steady as she teetered, maybe trying to pull away too quickly.
Impulse kiss? He wouldnât leave her wondering if it was welcome.
âGet back here,â he murmured and chased her mouth, the only action his brain could handle right now as bright lights and warmth flooded his consciousness. Soft, full, sweet-tasting glossy lips against his and heâd never felt so inexperienced in his life. Her hands pressed to either side of his neck, little electric shocks at every point of contact between their bodies, at the touch of her fingers, of her lips, of her nose squashed against his.Â
She pulled away and he couldnât have said for his life how long the kiss lasted. An hour? A second? Someone jostled against his back but Alex was staring at his face as if searching for something so he remained rooted to the spot in case she was going to kiss him again.Â
No, she was really studying him, and it made him nervous now.
âWhat?â he asked, eyes narrowing to hide how naked that stare made him feel.
âNo regrets? No puking? Did that feel like kissing your sister?â
He was shocked by her bluntness. God, he loved Alexâs bluntness. After so many months of the confusion and disappointment and feeling like a fucking idiot to have realized his own feelings too late and worrying heâd been hurting her all along if she had allegedly loved him for so long, the way she poked at the painful parts just felt so comforting and familiar. It brought the important things right into focus. They joked about things. They could joke. And he knew her well enough to see the serious part of the joke. Because they did know each other, they shared a language and an understanding that went way back, that was true even if they were still learning new things about each other and themselves.
âI donât know, I wasnât thinking about that, let me see again,â he said, and leaned in. There was a laugh in the kiss this time though; he swallowed her giggles as her fingers brushed his cheek, and she sort of curled away but not really. It was like the kiss tickled her but she didnât actually want to escape, thatâs what it was like. Her lips were slower this time, more comfortable against his, he thought. He kept his face near hers even though he had to hunch and admitted lowly, âI donât have a sister but Iâm pretty sure I wouldnât kiss one like this.â
âNo? It seems to work in Game of Thronesââ
âHave you even watched that show?â
âNo! Iâm not paying for HBO!â
Jungkook started laughing and couldnât stop. It was embarrassing but joy and relief just suddenly bubbled over and he couldnât stop it. Kissing her left him giddy. High. He had no choice but to drag her in for a hug, or maybe she stepped closer on her own, and he just molded around her, tucking her into his body. So many months of brokenness and the absence of her and uncertainty about whether heâd ever even get to laugh with her again healed as she stepped right back into the Alex-shaped hole in his heart. He closed his eyes and let the wedding fade even further into the background and just existed in this moment with his cheek pressed to the top of her head.
âI really missed you,â he thought she said against his chest.
He let out a long, slow breath, and then, âI know.â
She laughed and punched him in the back, ââI know?â Ok Han Solo! Thatâs not what you say!â
âNo, I did too! I mean I know because I did too!â
âUh huh.â
He squeezed her so tight and breathed in the scent of her shampoo even though it was different than the one she used before and he wondered if that was permanent or temporary. He didnât know. He still didnât really know anything except that kissing her was a Good Thing. Â
Sometimes it was fun to joke but sometimes they needed to be serious, he was learning that, so he pulled away enough to cradle her face and kiss her forehead through her messy bangs and breathed, âI really missed you, Alex.âÂ
Her hands circled his wrists and he felt the pressure of her leaning into the kiss. Another Good Thing.Â
Then she quickly leaned away and laughed, âOk, well good, Iâm glad you didnât forget me.â All jokes again, her whole demeanor as though they hadnât just shared the kind of kisses that changed everything about a day, a relationship, a life trajectory. Ah, fuck, he wanted to just brush the bangs back from her face and kiss her again and tickle her so sheâd kick him and he could twist her around to protect himself and wrap her up tighter in his arms and whisper things at her ear to make her yell at himâ
âUh, I think we should goâ to our friends overâ umââ She grabbed his wrist and took off, weaving through the crowd of dancers. He didnât even understand where they were going, still too flustered by his own thoughts, by the briefest glimpse of that roaring want for Alex that had cracked open now because sheâd kissed him. On purpose. She had initiated all of that!
Did she regret it now? Was she trying to escape? But she was holding his wrist, dragging him along with her. If she was escaping, she was taking him too. That was cute.Â
Somehow despite the limits of her height, she found her way to the group of their friends dancing on the far side of the dance floor. They didnât seem to think anything was off but Jungkook could feel Alexâs energy even from behind; she squeezed his wrist and released him, walked straight through their group, and made a beeline for the open bar.
Halfway there she stopped and turned and caught his eye âeasily because heâd been watching her still, trying to decide if she was fleeing a mistake or just feeling as overwhelmed as he was right now. She pointed at the bar and at him, a question on her face. He nodded and shrugged to answer that he knew sheâd think next what do you want? Should he go with her? Probably, right? Or he should offer to get the drinks?
But she wanted a breath, he felt like that was true. Sheâd fled, but not completely, just for a moment.Â
Ah, had he kissed her really good? He grinned at the possibility that he was better at it than sheâd expected. Wait, had she doubted him?! That hadnât even been his best. He would kiss her breathless next time, until he felt her wobbling in his arms. Heâd kiss her until she gasped or moaned or whimpered âwhich kind of noise would she make? Heâd find out!
Though in fairness, she was way way way better at kissing than he had expected. Way better. Wow. Damn. He hadnât expected Alex to give the kind of kisses that lingered on your lips for this long; he could still feel the tingles. It all felt a little fake with her gone and it wasnât like he understood all that had just happened but at least it seemed like Alex was back in his life and he was along for whatever that ride was. Apparently it would involve kisses.
Single. Single Alex. Only a couple weeks single so maybe she wasnât wanting to jump right into something. Ok. Ok, but she had kissed him so⊠he was on her mind. That was a good place to be. Hands on her body was good. Lips on hers was goodâ
Fuck, he was grinning too big and his friends were looking at him suspiciously. He knew that look, like they thought heâd wandered off and fucked someone in a closet. This was better!
His dance moves werenât cool, they were mindless and distracted. He couldnât help it. He let the joy run through his body, braided with nerves, anticipation of whatever was to come with Alex. He had no fucking clue! But maybe something! Maybe? Unless heâd scared her off?
She came back with drinks âplum wine for them each. He felt his ego swell when she handed him his glass. She was going to taste so good to kiss againâ he choked on a too-big gulp of his wine as she slid past him, her own wine glass in hand, and leapt into the center of their friends with a shout. All bright, happy, fun Alex. Alex letting loose. Alex who caught his gaze again because he didnât want to look anywhere but her and then covered her face and turned shyly away.
Shit he loved her a lot, and it didnât feel painful anymore. Just warm and eager and hopeful. Was he making her shy? Should he flirt with her and see if he could make her really shy?
He knocked back the rest of his wine, too fast, so heâd have his hands free as he rejoined the circle of his friends to show off his own moves. If their friends noticed anything different about either one of them⊠so what?
***
Well shit. Shit shit shit. Shit fucking shit.
Alexâs plans were derailed almost as soon as sheâd set them into motion.
Because what the fuck was up with that forehead kiss? And the way heâd pulled her into his arms and just held her?
Fuck!
And the way heâd kissed her, all soft lips and gentle hands and this little rushed warm breath that sheâd felt more than heard because of the loud music.
Why was he so earnest suddenly? So different? It was terrifying! What if Jungkook was actually a very sweet, loving, sincere boyfriend?! Obviously that didnât come from experience, what if that was just who he was when it came down to it? Would she actually be surprised? But heâd just been such a fuckboy for so longâŠ
She just hadnât expected the warmth. She hadnât expected him to be so serious. She hadnât expected to get so instantly wrapped up in him and so yeah, she needed some air, and some wine, and then some more air, and then some running around with just Rebekah, avoiding her sister who would probably say something just to set her off, and Jungkook off at a safe distance.Â
She was afraid Jungkook would kiss her again. She was afraid heâd ask her a blunt question she wasnât ready to answer yet. She was afraid he wouldnât ask her anything at all and sheâd be disappointed.Â
She just needed to figure out a few things first. Sheâd had a couple weeks now both to process the sadness about ending her relationship with Hoseok and think honestly about what she needed before attempting anything more with Jungkook: She needed some answers she could be sure werenât lies. She needed to see if the feelings were there and authentic ânot just companionship and comfort and familiarity, but romance, desire. Lust.Â
She just wanted to be lusted after, ok? Specifically by Jungkook.
She wanted a sense of how hard sheâd have to work to shape her previous friendship with Jungkook into something that more resembled the kind of relationship she wanted with a romantic partner.
And yeah she had not expected kisses like that, just right there in front of everyone! Her kiss had been impulsive but heâd pushed it further! Good luck fucking a bridesmaid now! (hehe) And she had not expected him to just hold her like that. Or sweetly kiss her forehead.Â
Fuck, she was melting and they hadnât even talked about whether there was the possibility of something between them. Her plans were wavering âbecause yes, sheâd come with plans. Sheâd dressed for plans. She had really uncomfortable underwear on for plans!
âAh, my handsome sexy man,â Sabina cooed, spotting Taehyung across the ballroom. It was getting late, though the party was still going in full swing. Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin had their hands on each other's shoulders, dancing in a little circle, kicking their feet. After a moment, she realized Jimin wasnât actually on the ground; Taehyung and Jungkook were holding him up. It was ridiculous. They were so ridiculous. But hearing Sabina so affectionately claim Taehyung, Alex felt that tug in her chest towards Jungkook. My handsome sexy man?
No. That couldnât be right. It sounded impossible that she could ever claim Jungkook as hers. Well, in a way sheâd always claimed him as hers, while also knowing that possessiveness she felt about him wasnât an actual romantic claim. Sheâd never been an option. When all eyes in the room noticed him, his scanned for the hottest woman around and off he went with her, and that woman was never Alex.
âLetâs go dance again,â Sabina suggested, grabbing Alexâs arm. The woman had eternal stamina. Alexâs own was flagging, and she cast about for Rebekah to hold her back, but her traitor friend had wandered off somewhere else. The roadbump of her own sulky thoughts prickled her skin as she and Sabina drew closer âas she saw a woman lean in close to ask Jungkook something and he laughed and waved her off. Had it been a proposition?! Just out of the blue! Probably, right? Jungkook was that kind of hotâŠ
See, the jealousy was going to be a problem. If Alex didnât have confidence, if she didnât feel like she could trust Jungkookâs attention was sincere, it wasnât going to work, and that was part of the test. She was tired of being jealous.Â
He yawned, and then saw her and covered his mouth, nodding his head as he tried to laugh at himself. She had to yell to be heard over the music as she got close,
âLong day?â
âIâm rallying,â he said, sliding his hand around to her back. It felt⊠assertive? Possessive? Predatory? But in a good way, attentive, likeâ
Like he was putting on moves and she was the target.
She leaned into that same energy, or tried to, and slid her hand up to his chest as she asked, âCare for another dance?â
âYou like dancing with me, huh?â he grinned. She must have seemed as cool as she didnât feel on the inside. She nodded. He didnât even look back at their friends as he tugged her a few steps away and against him, sliding his fingers up her arm to take her hand in his. It was so casually, familiarly done, as if theyâd been dancing together like this for years. He just seemed so cool about it all, much cooler than earlier.
âAre you drunk?â she guessed.
âMe? No. Are you?â
âNope.â
He began to lead her in steps, just small, easy, totally off beat at first but a slower song started and it was easier to move at that pace. She kept looking up at him and then away, embarrassed to make eye contact, afraid heâd read her plan too easily.
Alex was going to see if heâd take her home and have sex with her.
Because sheâd know right away this last part that she wasnât so sure about: can he desire me? Or am I just a challenge, a novelty, and heâll be done with me once heâs gotten what he wants?
Right now, he was single and hot and in a position of visibility at this wedding. There were tons of gorgeous women here. If he didnât want to take her home from a public place where hot women would see them leave together, well that was that then. And sheâd be taking a piece of advice from Jungkookâs own book, right? Have sex early, see if he means it.Â
Was it good advice? Bad? Honestly, that didnât matter. Maybe it was a stupid idea. Could Jungkook be with her even when she did dumb things? Could she be embarrassingly herself with him? Could she feel comfortable admitting this insecurity to him and feel genuinely reassured, if he wanted her to be?Â
But also.
But also: Could Alex be the woman Jungkook Jeon chose to take him with him? Could he want to fuck her?
He was smiling about something, she noticed. She didnât ask but he leaned down closer to her ear and mused,
âYouâre thinking really hard about something.â
âMaybe.â
âWhatâs up? What are you so serious about? It doesnât matter if we get off beatââ
âNo, not that.â
âOk.â
She hesitated. No, it was pathetic. The rejection would be brutal. She shouldnât say anything, she should just enjoy whatever dances she could have with him. Maybe she could steal another kiss later. That was still progress. That was still incredible. This wedding was magical and over the top and exhausting and she could carry away those precious moments they had together earlier as her souvenir and figure out the rest another day. Or maybe heâd ask her later to go home with him? Thatâs what she really would have preferred⊠but what if he didnât? She did realize he might not, just out of kindness or respect, even if he wanted to. He might be trying to keep giving her the space she had asked him for months ago, even though he knew she was single now, even though sheâd kissed him.Â
âAlex, what is it?â he asked, and this time brushed her hair back over her shoulder. The feathery touch and the soft gesture made her shudder.Â
Ok but⊠couldnât she be the girl who got railed after a wedding for once? Couldnât the hottest guy here take her home? This hot guy? Who kept looking at her so closely and smelled so nice and had his hands firm against her back and around her fingers?
Fuck, he was so beautiful to look at. Sheâd kissed him now and she wanted more. She wanted him. She wanted him to want her. She wanted so badly for this specific dream to come true, tonight, and worried she had only set herself up for failure. The want left her breathless. It seemed impossible theyâd already kissed, and even more impossible theyâd ever kiss again.
Could he ever feel this way when he looked at her?
In a poor attempt at self restraint, she avoided blurting out will you take me home and fuck me, substituted instead for the almost worse request,
âWill you kiss me here?â Followed by her hand lifting off his arm and tapping the side of her neck.
Fucking hell, what had gotten into her?!
And worst/best/worst of all, he did it. He didnât even ask what the fuck she was on about. Without any hesitation, he leaned all the way down to press his warm mouth against the skin she had tapped. His lips lingered. In all seriousness, Alex felt like she nearly orgasmed alongside the full body shudder that such a blatantly intimate gesture caused. Thank fuck the music was too loud for him to hear the noise that stuck in her throat. She shivered and shirked her shoulders, squirming at the pure overload of pleasure, too much, too too much, it was so ticklish sheâd scream, but the kind of too much you kind of wanted more of.Â
Instead of pulling away when she scrunched her shoulders, his arms just wrapped tightly around her and he chuckled against that sensitive skin and murmured criminally close to her ear, âYeah, I thought that would be too much, youâre so ticklish.â
Damn he knew her so well.Â
And since his face was right there anyway, she turned hers, seeking his mouth. He seemed to realize immediately what she wanted because she didnât have to ask. He brushed her hair back again, wringing another shiver from her that she tried to hide behind running her hands up his chest.
But shit, they were in public! The kiss had only just started but Alex suddenly felt like they were getting wildly out of control and pulled away. Jungkook looked confused and it embarrassed her, the way she ached. So quickly! Tonight was the first night sheâd seen him in so long, since the arcade really âbut memories of that night at the arcade fed the ache, they didnât soothe it even a little. Â
âYouâre not drunk?â he asked, brushing his hands against her face like he was checking for a fever.
âIâm not,â she huffed and brushed his hand defensively away. âI justâŠâ She stared at him. He stared at her. Celebratory shouts somewhere else startled her and his small smile couldnât be anything but endeared.
But suddenly his face took a serious look again and he leaned close, hand firm but careful on her arm as he insisted, âThereâs nothing to be worried about with me, ok? I know you uh⊠you know how I feel about you. And I donât know if you umâ but I know you just broke up with your boyfriend and maybe you need time before you can think about what you want with meâ if you even want anything! And thatâs ok too, so donât worry, Iâm not going to pressure you for answers orââ
âI want to go home with you.â
âHuh?â His lips didnât even part for the noise of surprise but his eyebrows went up and his eyes got wide.
Well shit that didnât sound cool.
âI wantâŠâ God, it wasnât even a test at this point. She saw what she wanted clearly. âI want to be the girl you take home from the wedding.â
âIâm not taking anyone homeââ
âI want you to choose me,â she said. âI want you to take me home with you tonight.â
âTake you home with me andâŠâ She couldnât tell if he was in disbelief, or horrified, or genuinely not following what she was asking for.Â
âTake me home and fuck me, Jungkook, thatâs what I meanââ
âJesus, Alexââ
The sharp pain she felt in that moment stole her breath. She was so proud of herself for being bold and direct about what she wanted but his response felt like a rejection and she knew she sounded far less cool as she admitted,
âI thought you said you want that with meââ
âOh, I do,â he said with an unexpected chuckle. âI do want to do that but I want more than that with you, Alex, and I donât want to ruin the chance of more just because I got horny and impatientââ
âNo, but I asked you to.â
âI know butââ
âOk,â she said, and made to step back because this was mortifying. He caught hold of her quickly, pulling her close and saying near her ear,
âPlease donât look like that, itâs not that I donâtââ
âItâs ok if you donât wantââ
âAlex I canât say the things I want to do to you because itâll freak you out and I wonât risk my chance with you when Iâm not even sure yet that youâre giving me a chance and weâre at this nice wedding and people will overhear and Iâll get kicked out and Jimin will never forgive me.â She could feel his lips brushing the edge of her ear as he spoke, his warm breath ghosting across the shell of her ear and the side of her neck. She felt completely consumed by him for just a moment, just like she wanted. His hands tightened on her body. She felt the intensity in his words. âTrust me, the way you look tonight is driving me fucking crazy and if you werenât you Iâd already have you overâ but not because I donât want you like thatââ Obvious panic broke through the sexual heat of what he was saying as he overthought his own words. Alex hadnât even been thinking he meant that. She was having a hard time breathing as all the blood rushed down her body and her heartbeat pounded painfully between her legs.
She kissed him, afraid sheâd say something pathetic. She just wanted him to touch her right now. Sheâd take the closet or the backseat of the car or whatever, no wonder Jungkook got any woman he wanted saying things like this in that way, his gaze so dark and sparkly like that. She felt wild with want. And he was looking at her like that, which felt wild too. She felt like they were practically fucking on the dance floor, just right in front of everyone, standing so still and wrapped around and whispering to each other like this, lost in each other. Someone was going to complain about public indecency and kick them out.
âYouâd already have me what? What would you do if I wasnât me?â she prodded, keeping her face hidden by his shoulder so she could try and catch his breath. What had she been thinking, asking a question like that to try and catch her breath to?
âI want more than that with you.â
âMore than what?â
âMore thanâŠâ She felt him lick his lips. âMore than finding some coat closet and dragging that dress of yours up andâ donât ask me these questions, itâs mean.â
âWhy is it mean?!â
âYah, youâre driving me crazy. Weâre at a wedding, in front of everyone, our friends are looking for usââ
âOh, youâre feeling shy?â she teased.
Instead of laughing, he paused before pulling away to look into her face as he admitted, âI want more than a wedding night one night stand with you but is that all you want from me?â
Fuck. What a tragic question. She saw it all written there on his face. He might as well have thrown a bucket of ice water over her head.
âI want both,â she answered as honestly as she could. âI want you to want to take me home for the night and do all those crazy things to me that have the instagram girls lining up to suck your dick and I want to wake up in your shirt the next morning and kick you in the butt until you make me breakfast andââ
âI want that too,â he said and took hold of her arms. âI want all of that too, Alex. I want all of that with you too. Everything we had before but also with the fucking and sucking andââ
âSeriously with your mouth?â she started to laugh. Because Jesus he was such a fuckboy with that mouth of his! He started laughing too and they curled together and she could still feel her heart pounding in various places throughout her body but she could breathe through it now, relieved that he was not actually rejecting her yet. The deepest sigh of relief rushed out but she wasnât actually sure if it came from her body or his.
He was trying to be sweet. And thoughtful. And careful.
And now this confession was out in the open, in the very small space between their bodies.
In that moment, it was impossible not to look at his behavior, how he had been in the last few months, and not see how clearly different he had always treated her compared to other women as a good thing. This wasnât the thought or effort or emotion he put into those women. This wasnât a desperate grab for controlling a co-dependent friendâs time. This was a side of Jungkook he was showing only to her, that she had always seen some element of. Alex was special to him. She felt special to him.Â
Test passed. Even without the fucking.
âOk,â she said. âI wonât sexually harass you anymoreââ
âWait no!â
âI mean I wonât pressure you into taking me home, just because it was my fantasyââ
âWait no,â he said again, grinning at her giggles as he took her hands. âWhat do you mean it was your fantasy?â
âSorry, I canât hear you over the music!â
âAlex!â
She began to walk away and he, as she had predicted, dove after her, and wrapped his arms around her in a burst of old playful closeness. He laughed at her shoulder, forearms digging into her stomach, and while she noticed the softness, she didnât feel self conscious about it at all.Â
Jungkook wanted to fuck her in a coat closet. Her. That was cool. He wasnât doing it but he said he wanted to, and instead he was wrestling with her on the dance floor in the middle of a very expensive wedding, so that still counted for something.
âOk ok ok you two,â Namjoon said, clapping his hands. âYouâre making the grandmas clutch their pearls.â
Alex escaped from Jungkookâs grasp with a victory shout and spun a circle around Namjoon. As if heâd actually read her mind, Jungkook caged Namjoon in on the other side and they both started to grind and booty-bump their much taller friend.
âHey. Guys. Guys! Ok, very funny!â He looked like he was going to flee this embarrassing display, but suddenly Inâam and Jimin ran up to join and it wasnât like Namjoon could flee them, they were the guests of honor!
Alex just felt so happy and free. When she caught Jungkookâs eye as he danced and laughed and rough-housed with his friends, she felt like a connection she had always depended on too much was in fact now real and safe and recognized. It wasnât like they were even a thing yet but they were going to be, right? Thatâs what all this meant? That had just been a confession, right? They both wanted each other and short of giving it a try and realizing they were very wrong or very incompatible or something right awayâ
He wouldnât let her down. Probably theyâd both fuck up a lot but yeah, thatâs how it went, right? If he kept crinkling his nose at her like that though she could forgive a lot of fuck ups.
Rebekah nudged her arm and wiggled her eyebrows. Just that was enough to make Alex cover her face, overwhelmed and embarrassing and giddy. She shirked her shoulders and held her hands out and grimaced.
âGood for you,â Rebekah smiled and flung her arm around Alexâs shoulder. âHe better treat you right.â
âWhat!â
âYou heard me. I may not seem like much but I can fightââ
âRebekahhhh, are you drunk?â Alex giggled.
âA little bit.â
âThanks for telling me things even if you werenât sure if Iâd want to hear them. I appreciate your honesty.â
âOh yes, uh huh. Iâm a pretty good friend.â
âAnd thanks for not trying to fuck my best friend.â
âWell, to be fair, he wouldnât have gone for it anyway,â Rebekah admitted.
âNo, thatâs not true! Youâre a vixen! The only thing that kept him safe was your loyalty to me, I know thatââ
âYes, thatâs it! I barely even noticed he was hot.â
âI think youâre hanging out with May and Minxi too much, you get sassy when you drink now,â Alex laughed, swinging her around. Actually, the past six months had given her the chance to get closer with Rebekah too. There were lots of good things happening in her life. She was very loving and grateful for everything right now.Â
âThanks for reminding me Iâm still single.â
âHey, I am too!â
âFor like fifteen more minutes.â
Alex just laughed because she didnât know what else to say. No, that wasnât it. They werenât talking about that! Yet! Damn, she felt drunk, but the only thing she knew to do to comfort Rebekah was dance until her friend was laughing again. Did she know anyone she could introduce Rebekah to? No, sheâd be a terrible matchmaker. Wait, but Jungkook knew so many people. Ok. A nice little project for them to do togetherâŠ
Alex glanced over and happened to notice Yoongi sitting at the table by himself, gaze trained on his phone. This was notable for several reasons. The first of course being that Alex had initially been so worried about showing up dateless to a wedding Yoongi would be at and now instead she didnât care at all, but Yoongi had also shown up dateless and allegedly fiance-less now. The second being, if he was so bored, why was he still here?
She needed a break from the dancing and the noise and the whirlwind of emotions that wrapped her and Jungkook up everytime they were on the dance floor, so she wove her way through the chairs and collapsed in the seat beside Yoongi.
âHey.â
âOh, hey,â he greeted and lowered his phone. Then jerked his head towards the dancefloor and joked, âGood to see some progress after⊠how many years has it been?â
âAish, come on,â she laughed.
âNever knew you could be so handsy but I guess it just had to be with the right guy,â he added. There was nothing mean or hurt in his voice though, more just relaxed. Teasing. Casual.Â
She nodded and shrugged, âMaybe. Maybe Iâm just affected by the wedding. Whatâs gong on with you lately? Heard youâre around a lot more these days.â
âThat a problem?â
âFor me? No, of course not. Weâre cool. I mean, youâre the one who might still be pining over meââ
âNah, Iâm over it.â
âOk you could act a little more nostalgic for me,â she laughed.
âSorry. Guess Iâm a littleâŠâ He just waved his hand, a meaningless gesture.
Her sympathy was sincere as she offered, âYeah, I heard you went through a recent breakup too but⊠bigger magnitude. Engaged.â
âYeah, Iâm aware.â
âSorry,â she grimaced. Maybe she shouldnât have repeated what Sabina told her.Â
âEh. It was mutual, I guess. You know⊠sometimes other people can put a name on your feelings before you can do it yourself, you know?â
Her eyes narrowed as she said slowly, â.... YesâŠâ She followed his line of sight, easy to trace: to Namjoon. âOh my god,â she gasped and grabbed his arm. âAre you in love with Namjoon?! Does he know?!â
âMaybe tomorrow morning? See you at breakfast?â Alex giggled. She wasnât even embarrassed by her bawdry joke; she laughed at Yoongiâs surprised face. âCome on, that was objectively funny.â
âEh.âÂ
âIt was! Me? With that kind of an ego? Us, exes, winding up with roommates? Oooh that would be so good, youâre such a good cook, just like Seokjin wasââ
âGoodbye, Alex,â he said bluntly, but he was laughing at his phone as she stood up and looked around, feeling all her energy restored. Ready for another round of wedding. She could go all night at this rate. This was fun! Even unexpected closure and friendliness with Yoongi? What a great fucking night!
*
Where was Alex? Refrain of his night. If she wasnât right against him, Jungkook was looking for her. He wanted to know where she was. He wanted to be able to reach her at any moment. Every kiss, every dance, every touch left him desperate for more.Â
The relief that came from being able to ground himself with her again was shockingly normal. Heâd expected to feel awkward with her longer. A little nervous still, sure. But for all the anticipation heâd felt in the last few months at the thought of interacting with the girl he had a crush on, that girl was still Alex. Who made inappropriate jokes and kicked him when he teased her and scrunched her shoulders up exactly like heâd expected to when he kissed her neck after sheâd asked him to. Alex who he could communicate with in a glance, and who made him laugh with a look, and swung between being the life of the party and then sneaking off for some alone time because it was too much.
Alex who had fucking shocked him to the core asking to go home with him.
And heâd said no!?!??
What the fuck was wrong with him?!
He was just in shock. He had hoped just to be near her tonight and instead theyâd kissed and danced together and kissed more and then she brought up that and it just seemed like asking for too much. It made the evening veer into the unrealistic; this had to just be a dream, right?Â
Fuck, her little gasp when heâd kissed her neck. What had compelled her to ask for that? Of course heâd done it. God he wanted to hold her down and do it again, really make her gasp and squirm and cry out and cumâ
Ok, he had not expected her to be so open and straightforward and just break his brain like this tonight. He was barely handling the dress! Be nicer to me, Alex. When did you get so mean?!
He ought to step back. He kept trying to put space so he could think rationally about the right thing to do. No short term thinking with Alex. He wanted the whole thing, the long term, the big picture with her. No just giving in to what he wanted to do when he had her in his grasp right now. He wanted to show he was mature and serious and respectful. Sheâd just had a breakup. He didnât want to be a rebound.
Was she just on the prowl? Was that why sheâd dressed so good and had so much confidence? She danced without abandon. She joined anything she was called to. She was clearly having a fantastic night and she had admitted she wanted to get taken home by someone andâ
No, but she hadnât said someone, sheâd asked him to take her home andâŠ
And, you know, fuck her. Alex. His best friend. Who heâd been longing to do just that to for months now.Â
Who even needed alcohol when a sexy woman in a velvet dress had you by the balls and you were standing there trying to decide whether to just let her or resist for some higher thinkingâŠ
Both? Could they really have both? She said she wanted bothâŠÂ
Fuck, this woman was driving him crazy!Â
Jiminâs brother and Taehyung had snagged him to get all the bags of eco-friendly confetti ready for people to chuck at Jimin and Inaâm to cap off the night. It was after two in the morning, and Jungkook was shocked at how many of the guests were still here. Even older guests! He overheard talk about moving the party somewhere else. Party to sunrise, apparently! Jungkook was exhausted after the work and emotions and and just everything of the day.
But as he shepherded guests past the table to grab the baggies and out to the circle drive where the limousine waited for Inâam and Jiminâs ceremonial departure (they were staying at this hotel and would circle back after a drive around the city), Jungkook realized the night was coming to an end. Soon the wedding would be wrapped and heâd be free of groomsmen duties, free to go home, time to say goodbye to Alex and what, just hope all this stuck? That the next time they saw each other, she still wanted to kiss him? Was this his one opportunity and if he didnât seize it, sheâd be onto someone new tomorrow? It didnât sound like Alex but neither did kissing him in the middle of the dance floor, neither did asking him to take her home and fuck her, neither didâ this was just uncharted territory here. He didnât know. He didnât know what he was doing here! He just knew he couldnât let her leave without some assurance that this had not all been a dream. He didnât want the night to end ever.
âEveryoneâs ready!â Taehyung called up the line from the circle drive to Jungkook, standing in the center of the path. Jungkook waved a thumbâs up to the hotel entrance to pass along to the newlyweds. Heâd been looking for Alex to stand next to but couldnât find her.Â
The shouting started and people began to throw the heart-shaped white confetti and shout and music played as Inâam and Jimin came out of the hotel, hand in hand. Jungkook had to wedge himself in at the end of the sidewalk. He ripped his own cone of confetti open to toss, and in doing so, glanced directly across the path, where Alex stood with Sabina and Rebekah and Namjoon and Yoongi and maybe more of their friends, all shouting and throwing confetti but Jungkook really only saw Alex. It was like magic, seeing her big smile as confetti floated down between them and camera flashes went off and people shouted. He really thought time slowed down.
Yeah, there was no way he was going to remember Jiminâs wedding as the night he didnât take Alex home. They didnât have to have sex! They could eat junk food and play video games until the sun came up. They could pass out the second they got to his bedroom. He could sleep on the couch if she changed her mind. But he was going to drag tonight out for every second he could.
Alex had a fantasy of being the woman he took home? Heâd be a fucking idiot not to make that come true.
So as soon as Jimin and Inâam were in the limo, Jungkook darted across the path and grabbed her hand and dragged her back from the line of partygoers.
âItâs all in my hair!â she laughed, shaking her head, brushing it off her shoulders.Â
Jungkook brushed it out of her bangs and asked as casually and no-pressure as he could, âHey, want to come home with me?âÂ
Her eyebrows raised and he felt a moment of panic. Hadnât she said thatâs what she wanted earlier?! Shit! Shit shit shit!
âReally?â she asked, and crossed her arms âunder her tits. âThatâs how Jungkook Jeon gets women to go home with him? Thatâs your game? You sound soââ
âHuh? Whaâ well butâ yeah but Iâm not putting moves on you,â he defended.Â
âUm, ouch.â
âYou want me to put moves on youâ butâ but I already told you that youâre more than thatââ
âDamn. How did you ever get laid?â
âIâm just trying to tell you that thereâs no pressure to have sex or anything, you can just come over and we can get fries on the way home or somethingâ stop making that face!â he laughed and covered his.Â
She shook her head and admitted, âMy whole world is changing right now. Your instagram is nothing but lies! This is what your game was like in high school! I thought you turned into some superstar fuckboy since thenââ
âFine!â he huffed and turned away from her. His friends were making a point of not noticing them, he could tell. Other people were heading back into the venue to get their things, or going straight out to their cars.Â
He turned back, ready to say something good heâd think of on the spot.
Alex was gone. She had misunderstood! FUCK. Sheâd started to walk back inside. He ran after her, already laughing at his own stupidity. She must have expected heâd follow though because it was easy once he caught her hand to get her to stop walking, and easy to back her up against one of the columns lining the hotel walkway. She was so short, it was easy to rest his elbow above her head and lean in close and trace his fingers down the side of her face to tilt her jaw up.
âOh,â she said.Â
âItâs time to go, babe,â he said. Her lips twitched. She was trying not to laugh. But that felt ok because she admitted,
âDamn, thatâs pretty goodâŠâ And something about the way she swallowed made it seem more like she was nervous than that she thought he was ridiculous.
But then he started to laugh as he realized, âSo uh, you got wheels we can use, babe?â The laughter erupted from her. She doubled forward, hands to his chest; he dropped his hands to her arms.
âYou donât have your car!â
âJimin picked me up this morning!â
âSo we can ride back with Namjoon!â
âHeâll get pissy if Iâm fingering you in the back of hisâ shit, too much?â
âOh.â Her eyes went very big.Â
âUh⊠sorry, I donât know whatâs too much or what you think is funnyââ
âI donât either,â she admitted and he was so fucking endeared by her in the moment. He loved the glimpse of her honesty and uncertainty. It made him feel better about his own. âJust⊠as long as you arenât like making fun of meââ
âNo no, Iâm not. Shit, I fucked it upââ
âNo,â she said, grabbing his arm. âItâs good then. Um⊠treat me like one of your insta girlsââ
âAbsolutely not, I actually care about seeing you again,â he laughed. âBut I will take you home with me and we can just see what uh, what happens.â
âI donât have my car either though. I was planning to go home with someone.â
âWho?â he asked, obviously thinking she meant like Rebekah or something. She just raised her eyebrows. âWha? Who? You better mean meâŠâ
âHmâŠâ
âAlexâŠâ He slid his arms around her and tried to drop his mouth to her neck but she was too quick lifting her shoulders with a squeal.
âSay it was me,â he demanded.
âActually I was hoping Seychelle would be hereââ
âAbsolutely not.â He couldnât suppress his laughter, âCanât risk her converting you.â
âExactly. Iâm ready and willingââ
âDonât say that in public,â he interrupted. âWait until weâre home.â He winked at her, meaning it playful. But he saw the flicker across her face, where she wasnât sure if he was joking or not.Â
Goddamnit. If Alex really wanted that, was he really going to tell her no? Especially when sheâd just admitted she basically planned this. This wasnât a drunk spur of the moment mistake. Sheâd come here so hopeful of himâ really? This was really all on purpose? So then had she really dumped Hoseok for him? She left her car at home for him? Obviously she wouldnât have been stranded completely if things hadnât gone well but⊠but her hope in him made him bolder.
âSo⊠you wore this dress for me too?â he asked, reaching out to finger the sleeve.
She made a face, âUm, I wore this dress because I look amazing in it.â
âYeah, you do.â
âBut maybe I was hoping someone would notice me in it.â
âJust anybody, huh?â
âYeah, just anybody,â she grinned and giggled. It was the girliest heâd ever heard Alex giggle. If heâd been watching her act like this with anyone else, heâd known instantly she had a crush, it was so obvious. Her flirting was just so cute. âYou know, going to a wedding alone, you never know who might be there, maybe you want to celebrate with someone afterwards.â
âWell then youâre lucky I noticed you before some other guy who uh, doesnât know how to make eggs in the morning⊠or something⊠god, why do you keep laughing at me?!â
âIâm just nervous!â she laughed and hit his arm. âIâm not used to being on the receiving end of your game when youâre being serious about it! Well, I mean, you used to try to pull this kind of shit when you wanted something from me but⊠but it didnât make me feel like this before!â
âOh yeah? What do you think changed then?â He let go of her sleeve but realized she must be cold now, still standing outside without her coat.
âI donât know! I guess⊠just⊠because it could go somewhere um different this time⊠I mean different than you just crying because I beat you in Smash againââ
âDonât get too excited, I have been playing a lot of video games lately,â he warned. And slid his arm around her to pull her into his jacket and herded her towards the door.Â
âYeah but Iâm just innately better at it than you.â
âUh huh. Weâll see⊠hey. You know even before all of this,â he mused, âyou were always my favorite woman to leave with.â
âWow.â
âWhat?â
âI donât know, itâs kind of weird to hear you call me a woman instead of just girl or shrimp. Oh my god, does that mean you really have realized Iâm a woman after all these years?!â She was teasing him, the teasing felt so good, he felt giddy all over again. And apparently when he got giddy he wanted to say raunchy things to get a rise out of her.
So he assured her quietly, âOh I know youâre a woman, and whether itâs tonight or another night, I will be more than happy to wring every single orgasm from your little shrimp bodyââ
âThereâs no way this is how you seduce women.â
âYeah but itâs working with you, huh?âÂ
She glared. He was too giddy to even take the kiss he wanted, just tapped her nose because sheâd hate it and ordered, âGo get your coat, babygirl, Iâll get my things andâ wait, how are we getting home again? Hey, Namjoon!â
He had to walk away quickly because calling Alex babygirl didnât feel jokey, it felt new and exciting and yes still jokey but also heavy and intentional and now there was no reason he couldnât call her baby anymore and he was just really excited and ready to get her home. If Namjoon wouldnât stop for fries, maybe he could doordash some on the wayâŠ
Guess what this chapter is too long to fit in a single post so go here for Part B!
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood âactual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if heâs in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much⊠not that. Which is fine and doesnât matter! Until Jiminâs impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook canât believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags:Â fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else I'm making it up as we go
Read on AO3 here or below cut
Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Read Epilogue
Note: I did it again, the chapter is too long for tumblr so I have to split it into three parts. Make sure you read A first!!!
Jungkook wasnât nervous for his date with Alex. Why would he be nervous? It was Alex. He knew everything Alex liked. He knew how to have a good time with her. He knew how to make her laugh until sheâd yell she was going to pee herself and go waddling to the bathroom while he shouted things after her to try and make it happen. He knew what food she liked and how long she could tolerate standing in line for an attraction and that she didnât mind the cold but she didnât like to get wet in the rain because she didnât like her hair and clothes sticking to her skin.Â
Once he had wanted to test that, run naked through the rain with her. She had of course refused and punched him in the stomach for the suggestion. He wondered if now he had a better chance of convincing her⊠for science, obviously! Did she still mind the rain if her hair was in a bun and she was totally naked in it? What if he was on top of her, blocking some of it?
But in all seriousness, he might not really date other than an occasional activity preceding a good fuck but if he was ever going to go on a date, Alex was the easiest partner for it. They could have fun âand had!-- anywhere: the grocery store, a furniture store, CVS to get their flu shots, McDonaldâs at 2am, urgent care that time his ears were stopped up so badly and his fever was so high he started to cry and she forced him to go and kept referring to him as âmy sonâ to the nurses and he couldnât stop laughing despite the pain.Â
So yeah, why would he be nervous about a date? He had no doubts about success. He was going to take her to minigolf, school her ass, then tacos from the best truck in town which he had confirmed would be at Hoff Memorial Park; theyâd eat sitting in the cold on a picnic bench and then heâd take her home to his bed before the rain started around nine and heâd, you know. Spaghetti her. Heâd put a lot of thought into what positions heâd use too. A lot. Needed to be sure heâd maximize her pleasure and not bend or twist her in a way that hurt her. Stroke her just right. He wanted to win a scream! Leave her a trembling melted mess in his arms. Ah, itâd be so good⊠sheâd be all fuck, Koo, I finally get it now, youâre really fucking good at this. Make her eat her words alongside his dick, that thing sheâd always said with a laugh, damn, if the insta-girls could see the real you theyâd be heartbroken.
He needed to show her whatâs good.
He had a plan.
And then the comments started.
Nate: âOh damn, you actually have a date with her? Wasnât that last guy really good at dates? Good luck, my man.â
Namjoon: âOh. Thatâs the date you planned? Isnât that just⊠what you guys normally do?â
Taehyung: âYeah this is the time, you can really show her that youâre serious and mature and want to do this, so like, whole nine yards, something big andâ oh. Minigolf? UmâŠâ
Sabina: âDonât take her to minigolf. She deserves more than minigolf.â
Anita: âHm, I think minigolf just seems a little easy and impersonal. But you know her best! If you think thatâs the kind of date she likes, thenâŠâ
Jimin: âYou messaged me on my honeymoon for this? Itâs fine, Alex will think itâs funny.â
Fuck. Fuck! As Jungkook paced his apartment the afternoon before the date, he realized his plan was no good. He didnât want Alex to think their date was funny. He wanted her to think it was romantic. He wanted her to be awed by his charm and suaveness⊠suavityâŠ. State of being suave. He wanted her to be swept off her feet. He wanted her to forget Hobi was ever a guy she dated and it sucked because Nate was right, Hobi was good at dates. He showed up and showed out and Alex was always all flustered and bubbly after their dates. Jungkook wanted Alex to be like that afterwards. Not just like âyep that was an ok time hanging out with my good buddy JK.â He wanted blushes and giggles and then bam, spaghetti!
This called for a fucking re-plan. And fast.Â
He showered so heâd smell fresh and lotioned and not like the mall, slapping on cologne and spot-fixing his acne in between looking things up on his laptop perched precariously on the bathroom counter. A few google searches and phone calls later and heâd completely redone their plans for the night, pulling out all the stops. Was it going to hurt his bank account? Yes. Was she worth it? Also yes.
Much more at ease about the whole thing, Jungkook took one more look at himself in the mirror, snapped a selfie, and posted it to his socials for the pep talk he needed.
[TheJK.1997]: look good feel good treat her good, ready for the surf and turf. Best wine recs for Hollyoak Vineyard go
He checked himself one last time, ran over a spot he missed shaving real quick, and was out the door in plenty of time to pick her up early, just to really surprise her. Definitely not because he was getting a stomachache from nerves and needed to do something other than pace from living room to kitchen and pick at his lips.
She wasnât ready. There he was with a fucking bouquet of flowers even though it made him feel like a fucking idiot because Hoseok gave her flowers so it would look like he was copying but obviously he couldnât not show up with flowers âthere he was with a fucking bouquet of flowers, sitting in a living room heâd been in at least one thousand times since heâd known Alex, while her dad sat in the chair and watched a Planet Earth documentary and her mom made tea in the kitchen even though he had assured her he didnât want any. They had said hello to him and not much else, both like this was any other time that heâd come over and also like it wasnât and they werenât supposed to acknowledge his presence as he just sat there on the couch in slacks and a button up with fucking flowers to give their fucking daughter who was fucking late. It was mortifying. Jungkook wished he could melt into the cracks between the couch cushions. He wished Dilong would come running out and scratch his throat or piss on him or something so he had an excuse to just leave.
âHowâs work?â Baba Song asked him over the sound of flamingos feeding.
âItâs good. Busy at the holidays.â
âHow is your dadâsâ ah, I will just ask him, Iâll see him tomorrow.â
Jungkook nodded. He wasnât actually sure what about his father was unwell right now, so he should ask. He pulled out his phone and saw they were going to have to hurry to make their dinner reservation.Â
âAHh I had better check on herââ Jungkook mumbled, starting to stand. Mama Song was just setting tea in front of him and took it upon herself to shout for Alex followed by Chinese. Alex answered in short Chinese, then came down the hall.
âIâm ready, ok? Whatâs the rush? I was doing my makeupâ oh?â She stopped in front of him and her eyes went right to the flowers. âYou brought me flowers?â
Jungkook was instantly mortified. She was probably comparing them to the ones Hoseok had bought her.
âTheyâre for your mom,â he quickly corrected, thrusting them towards Mama Song.Â
Who let out a cackle of a laugh and said, âI will put them in water for Alex. I have a perfect vase. They are beautiful.â
âWait, I want to see them,â Alex cried, leaping after her mother. She bent down to look close and Jungkook felt like she might as well be examining his limp dick, he was so embarrassed. They were supposed to be nice. Heâd bought really nice ones at the standalone shop next to the Starbucks ânot the one she worked at, not the one Hoseok worked at, a different one! He didnât know what kinds of flowers they were but there was lots of color and some spiky looking ones because they looked fun and he thought spiky flowers made sense for her.Â
âTheyâre really pretty,â she said.
âYouâre really pretty,â he countered automatically, an old way they had of teasing each other except this time heâd accidentally been nice. Baba Song coughed on the couch and Jungkook thought it had to be related. Cool, he already felt like he was dying anyway as Alex grinned wide and looked him up and down and he was sure she was laughing at him. Baba Song laughing at him too was exactly what he didnât need.
âYou look like youâre going on a date,â Alex mused.
âUhâŠâ The panic was instant. âArenât I?â
âKoopa,â she laughed and hit him on the arm. âYouâd better be! Letâs go, werenât you in a rush a minute ago? You know it takes time to do my makeup without you to help.â
âIt looks good,â he said, though the points werenât quite even which he only noticed because sometimes it took her ten tries before sheâd give up and ask him to do it. He started to offer to fix it now but she was already headed towards the door and it didnât matter.Â
âGoodbye Mr. Song. Mrs. Song,â he called. Should he promise to have her home at a certain time? Even addressing them that way felt weird but like, he was taking their daughter out on a date, he had to seem sort of respectful and responsible, right? âThank you for the tea!â He hadnât even touched it.
Alexâs skirt was very short, he noticed as they went to his car. She had fancy green tights on underneath it so he couldnât see skin or anything but it did occur to him that if she bent over, he might not even need to hike it up. Not that he was just thinking about fucking! It really felt more like a nervous impulse to think about it, because he was way more nervous about the not-fucking parts right now as he hurried around and slid into the driverâs seat. He wasnât even trying to fuck her tonight! He just wanted to hit it out of the park, this whole âdate with the goal of earning another dateâ thing.
âSo where are we going?â she asked as he started the car. It was cold and he wished he had thought to run out and start it early so she wouldnât have to sit in it; she was wearing a new coat, not her usual bulky one that made her look like a burnt marshmallow. You know, in a cute way!
âUm⊠you know that steakhouse over onââ
âSteakhouse,â she repeated, eyes going wide. âYou canât afford steak!â
âYou donât know what I canât afford. Iâm taking you to a steakhouse!â
âOk ok geez.â She wiggled in her seat to get comfortable. âI figured youâd just take me for tacos or something. Steak is fine.â
He scoffed, âCome on. Iâm a better date than that.â
âAll right James Bond or whateverâŠâ she mumbled. âDidnât know you had something you were trying to prove or whatever.â
âYeah wellâŠâ He didnât know what to say to that. Yeah, of course he had something to prove. âIs it warm enough for you?â He made it warmer, just in case, even though he was starting to sweat.Â
They lapsed into silence. The roads were icy so he didnât want to be too distracted but it made him nervous for her to just be sitting there staring out the window. Silence was bad on a date, that was something everyone knew. Silence was definitely not going to leave her starry-eyed and weak in the knees.
âSo uh, howâs work?â
âUgh, next question,â she snorted, and reached for the radio dial.
âNo, donât turn music on. Letâs just⊠talk.â
âOâŠkâŠ.â
He started talking just to fill the silence. He told her about his own work, and about Appa thinking he wanted to do Christmas lights and throwing one lit net over a bush and calling it a day, and about his new nephew who was still pretty useless but starting to look cuter now. He realized they had seen each other a few days ago so these life updates werenât necessary but he wanted some sort of connection.
âUh⊠well, thereâs not much going on with me⊠well, Hobi brought a box of my stuff to work today, so that kind of suckedââ
âHe brought it to your work?!â
âWell he waited in the parking lot but yeah⊠I mean we agreed to do that today but still that sucked in the morning and then I got home and Dilong puked on my bed and I stubbed my toe while I was getting ready⊠but you brought me flowers, so thatâs the best part of my day so far,â she smiled.Â
âThey were for your momâŠâ
âOh yeah? For Mrs. Song?â she teased.Â
But he didnât feel like being teased because this was a date and they were supposed to be getting to know each other and charming each other, so instead he suggested, âOk letâs not talk about Hobi or uh, other exes or anything tonight.â
âUm⊠ok⊠Geez, sensitive much?â
âItâs my date with you.â
âYou just asked me how my day was and I told you.â
âOk so now I know and Iâm just saying we can talk about other things now.â
âOk like what?â
âUmâŠâ Jungkook wracked his brain, but everything that came to mind wasnât the kind of thing he wanted to talk about on their first date. Funny but inappropriate memes, friend gossip, political outrage, bemoaning the economy, a really bloody anime heâd started and thought she might like too, none of it was the way he wanted to represent himself right now as a respectable and respectful guy. Boyfriend material.
âWeâre here,â he announced. Saved by the drive time. He pulled into a spot near the waterâs edge âjust a pond, but definitely something the steakhouse capitalized on for atmosphere. Fairy lights hung above the walkway through a little windy garden to reach the front of the restaurant.
âWoah, this place is nice,â Alex murmured, bumping into him as she looked around. âAre you sure about this? Itâs really fancy⊠I didnât dress for something this fancyâŠâ
âIâm sure.â He took her hand and looped it through his arm. âYou deserve something like this. Itâs our first date. Right?â He looked eagerly down at her, needing to hear her agree that it was in fact their first date and that was in fact a big deal to her too.
âI guess but you really didnât have to go to so much trouble. You know me, Iâm easyââ
âI donât know you. This is our chance to get to know each other,â he corrected. âAs âyou know, this new way of seeing each other.â As romantic partners, he couldnât bring himself to say.
He thought her smile looked unconvinced but at least she was smiling. They reached the front door âand now he saw a side ramp they could have taken right to the front door instead of wandering through the garden. Uh well. He opened the door for her and they walked in to easily the nicest restaurant Jungkook had ever been to in his life. The host was wearing a tux.Â
Shit this place was going to be expensive.
âGood evening,â the host greeted them as Jungkook shirked his coat off.
âHi. Um, Jungkook Jeon, table for two. I have reservations for 6:00.âÂ
âAh, yes, Jeon, hmâŠâ The host didnât move as his gaze trailed down Jungkook and then slid to Alex. âMy apologies, Mr. Jeon, but were you aware that there is a dress code for dining here?â
Jungkook glanced down at his slacks and dark blue button up and nodded, âYeah. We dressed nicely.â He glanced at Alex and realized he hadnât told her to dress nicely but yeah, she looked great: short red skirt, dark green legs, a fluffy white sweater with⊠pearls? Had she really worn a sweater with pearls all across the chest to their dateâ ok, but she hadnât meant anything filthy by it, he was sure of that. Just because his mind went there didnât mean hers did.
âIâm sorry, the dress code is formal. That means at least a tie and jacket for the gentleman and formal evening dress or pantsuit for the lady.âÂ
âUhâŠâ Jungkook glanced at their outfits again. âWell this is what we have on soâŠâ
The host looked performatively apologetic as he said, âIâm sorry, I cannot seat you.â
âBut⊠but I made a reservation,â Jungkook argued. âNo oneâs going to die because Iâm not wearing a jacket.â
âNeither of you is dressed appropriately for the restaurant, Iâm afraidââ
It was embarrassing, sure, but he also didnât want Alex to hear someone insinuate she wasnât dressed nicely, so he ignored that she was grabbing his arm and argued, âOk but she looks like a million bucks so I donâtâ you just need me to put on a jacket and a tieââ
âJungkook, letâs just go,â she said, trying to push him back towards the door.
âBut I made reservations. This isnât the â50s. No one under 50 has a jacket and tie for dinner at a shitty suburban steakhouse on the swampââ
âKoo, letâs go,â she grunted, and managed to push him back against the door. He pushed it and stepped back out into the cold and felt the anger flare up freely now.
âWhat the fuck kind of placeâ am I crazy? Who fucking cares whether I have a jacket and a tie on forââ
âWell they care, itâs their rule!â
âItâs discrimination against young people!â
âYeah, did you see the people eating in the restaurant?â she laughed. âI donât think they want young people eating there. They want like rich uppercrust people.â
âThose people donât live here.â
âWell this place is kind of famous, isnât it? Maybe they drive inâŠâ
âIs it?â
âI think it was on a TV show,â Alex admitted, before pointing to a plaque beside the door. Apparently it had, and won a bunch of awards. No wonder they cared about the way they looked or whatever.
âYeah well showing all that by the door is tacky,â Jungkook scowled. Waves of anger and embarrassment rolled over him. âMy money is as good as the next guyâs.â
âOk but who cares, we donât have to eat at a place like this. Letâs just pick somewhere else,â Alex said, nudging him towards the ramp.
Ugh, Hoseok would definitely have worn the suit and tie.
âMaybe we can just run back to my place and I can grab the suit I wore to the weddingââ
âNo, Iâm not dressed like that either and I donât want to change. I spent way longer than I want to admit figuring out what to wear that would be cute and comfy,â she protested.
âBut I want to take you to this nice placeââ
âI donât care about the nice place!â she snapped. He really did think she snapped at him, and it shut him up. They marched in silence down the ramp back towards his car. They got into the car. They buckled their seatbelts.
Bad start to the date.
âWe can go to Taco Bell for all I care,â Alex suggested.
âThatâs a shitty date,â Jungkook sulked. âThatâs the kind of date you think I am?â
âThereâs nothing wrong with Taco BellâŠâ
âIâm not taking you to fucking Taco Bell,â he groaned and pulled out his phone and began scrolling again. What was close, and nice, and not a fucking Taco Bell, and not going to turn them away at the door because they werenât dressed in some shitty elitist outdated formal dining attire. Fuck, he was so angry about it! Even if that was a rule, they couldnât bend it? They couldnât seat them somewhere private or something? He was trying to impress a girl here!
âWe could do Italian⊠is that too much wine though? Weâre going to a wine tasting afterwards.â
âA wine tasting?â Alex repeated. âUmâŠâ
âYou donât like a wine tasting?â
âNo no itâs fine!â Alex assured him. âThatâs cute. You really⊠yeah, itâll be great,â she smiled at him. âAnd sure, Italian is fine! Letâs do Italian. What place are you thinking?â
âTomasso Trattoria and Enoteca,â Jungkook read, and handed her the phone as he started to drive so she could look at it.
âWoah⊠this place is still really nice though⊠I was thinking like Olive Gardenââ
âAlex, can you please let me take this date seriously? I realize maybe you donât care butââ
âI care! Care about this being our date? I care!â
âI want it to be a special date!â
âI get it! This place looks very special,â she told him, setting his phone in the cradle with the GPS up.Â
He knew his frustration was a wall between them but she didnât break it down this time. Usually she was good at that. He didnât know what it meant, that she didnât try. He wasnât sure how to do it on his own, because if this was a date with someone else he wouldnât care, heâd just change the subject and move on and vent about it to Alex later, or invent an excuse to take the girl home and go home. To Alex. Obviously she knew how he was, inside and out, but as he drove in the silence he started to feel a deeper embarrassment, like sheâd seen him do something wrong. It wasnât wrong for him to be annoyed with the restaurant for not letting them in! They had told him formal dress when he made the reservation sure but they didnât explain that meant anything other than just looking your best! He looked his best! Alex looked her best! What, were they going to wear their wedding clothes or something?
âYou know I was thinking about how crazy it is that just everything is Christmas this time of year,â Alex mused. âItâs not like I didnât know everything is too Christmas and that there are lots of people who doesnât celebrate who have to deal with it but I guess because we celebrate without being Christian, I didnât really think about how fucking annoying it is for people who really donât celebrate. Rebekah was telling me people always act like theyâre sorry for herâŠâ She continued to talk about it and he took the moment to breathe deeply. Ok. Change in plans. But Alex wasnât demanding he take her home, so it would be ok. Even if he didnât know why the fuck this was what she decided to ramble about, at least it was something.
The Italian place was busier, smaller, not on the water, but still nice and they didnât get turned away at the door. The host took their coats for them. The tables had real candles, which Jungkook didnât realize he cared about until they sat down and he saw the actual flicker from the breeze of their motions. The menus were short, which a Reddit thread had taught him meant it was a sign of a good restaurant. Their waiter had a bowtie and a black vest and offered to call over a sommelier to guide their wine selection.
âWeâre going to a wine tasting after this,â Alex informed the waiter. âSo Iâll wait on the wine.â
âWe can have a glass or something here,â Jungkook argued.
Alex shook her head and tapped the wine menu, maybe trying to show him that the cheapest wine was $15/glass at a glance. But he had brought her to an Italian restaurant! For a fancy dinner! Wine was part of a fancy dinner!
âYou donât have to, but Iâll have a glass of something, send the sommelier over,â Jungkook insisted.Â
Alex decided sheâd have the glass too. They had to show their cards and mused as they always did about how old they would have to be before the stopped getting carded. The waiter brought them bread and promised their calamari appetizer would be out quickly.
âWow, itâs so romantic here,â Alex murmured. Jungkook felt the sigh of relief radiate from his chest. The candle light danced across her skin as she studied the elaborate murals on the walls, partially obscured by heavy red curtains. Elegant music played over the low din of dining. They were towards the edge of a large room, tucked into a little booth by the window with a view of nothing but trees. A grand piano stood in the center of what looked like a dance floor, tables sparse on the wooden floor.
âI feel bad,â she continued. âI didnât realize you wanted to do such fancy things, I would have dressed nicer.â
âI think you dressed nice.â
âI did too until I saw you,â she laughed. âI guess I forgotâŠâ
âForgot what?â he asked, not following.
âWhat you look like.â
âWhaaaat?â he grinned, warmed by the flattery. The compliments from her felt sincere in a way they hadnât before. He was used to teasing, so he almost didnât trust it, but she didnât look like she was teasing him. Now he found himself hungry for more. Did she really think he was hot? Not just aware that other people thought so, but she thought so? She liked the way he looked? She liked the way he dressed?
âOh my god,â she snickered and rolled her eyes. âDo you always take your ego on dates with you?â
âNo, I left it at home tonight with my jacket and tie,â he joked. She smiled and looked so pretty in the candlelight. He draped his hand across the table, palm down, to see if sheâd take the hint and put hers on it. Would they be the kind of couple that held hands at dinner? Obviously not on a first date, but someday would they sit on the same side of the booth? Well, in a more serious way than when they did that at Wendyâs so they could both put their feet up on the other bench, that was different.
âThe mood lighting is so⊠romantic,â she said again. âI feel like I should have worn high heels.â
âYour boots have heels.â
âYeah but you know what I meanâŠâ
âDo you want to dance until our food gets here?â The question was impulsive. No one else was dancing. But that could mean she wouldnât have to feel nervous or pressured about dancing on beat with him. They could just hold onto each other and sway, here by the table or over on the dance floor. Maybe other people could join. He had enjoyed dancing with her so much, it would be a nice thing to add tonight.
But her eyes went wide as she cried, âHey, donât make fun of me!â
âWhatââ
âOh god, donât joke about it,â she laughed and covered her face. âHow fucking humiliatingâŠâ
Jungkook hadnât meant it as a joke. He thought it would be romantic. He certainly hadnât meant to embarrass her just by the suggestion of dancing together. Unsure what else to say, he racked his brain trying to think of topics. The problem was that the lists of things to talk about on your first date were things like ask about where they grew up and ask about their hobbies and ask them what makes them unique? And ask them where their favorite place in the world is. But Jungkook knew all of these things about her! He wanted to learn something new about her. He wanted to seem new to her.
âUh⊠whatâs your favorite place in the world?â he asked as she untangled the little legs of their calamari appetizer.
âMine? I donât know⊠my parentsâ house? I guess it was our old apartment.â
âOh. Really?â he frowned.
âWhy are you frowning?!â
âThatâs just kind of sad.â
âOk. Ouch.â
âNo! I mean because we donât live there anymore.â
âOh. Yeah. How annoying,â she sighed. âSo whatâs Namjoon like as a roommate?â
âHeâs a good roommate,â Jungkook said because he didnât want to gossip or vent or seem complainy. Namjoon was a good roommate! Sure, he had a household aesthetic and a lot of Jungkookâs stuff didnât meet the mark so he was kind of crowded into his room.Â
âThatâs it? Thatâs all you have to say? Come on, you complained about living with me all the time.â
âAh, yeah, sorry about thatâŠâ
âHuh?â
Embarrassed that sheâd bring that up, he sipped his $15/glass wine. Yeah, he was worried about that. Alex was his best friend and heâd always treated her like a best friend but that wasnât the same way you wanted to treat a girlfriend. He had a lot of things to undo. Actually, that was it, their first date wasnât about learning, it was about unlearning all the things he would never have let a girl see about him.Â
âYouâre being so weird,â she laughed, and nudged his foot under the table. âIs something wrong?â
âHm? No, why would something be wrong?â
âDonât let that other place bother you. I like this place a lot better anyway, this calamari is really good! I hope you still like me when Iâm bloated from too much fettuccineâŠâ
Instantly he assured her, âOf course I do. I mean, not that youâll be bloaty orâ I mean, obviously the body naturally looks different after a big dinner but itâs notâ I wonât notice that kind ofâ itâs just normalâŠâ
âIt was a joke,â she said. âIâm wearing a bulky sweater, you wonât be able to tell anyway. Unless you get me naked.â She arched her eyebrow.Â
âWe, umâ tonight itâs um⊠were you thinking that? I thought weâd just have a nice dateââ
âOh. Thatâs not⊠nice? OK, I mean Iâm half joking, I didnât realize you had such a tight schedule for tonight!â
Jungkook had never felt so awkward and weird around Alex in his life. The only thing he knew to do was try and get the conversation back on track to Impressive Date Approved topics:
âHey, so I was watching a really interesting show the other day. It was about the brain and all the changes it goes through from like a baby to a dead personâ an old person.â
âThe brain does very much still change after you die,â she pointed out. Yeah, dead people and rotting brains was definitely not on the approved list. No girl went home from a date and was like oh boy he was so handsome and charming and funny and we talked about decaying brains. Iâm so in love.
She had not said that to him yet. That she loved him. There hadnât been any real confession or labeling and he was obviously fine with that, he didnât need labels, but still, it would be cool to get her to say something he could be sure of.
âNo, donât be like that, it was really cool to seeâ oh thank Christ the food is here.â
âYou in a hurry or something?â she laughed. Which reminded him that they did have a scheduled start time for the wine tasting. He checked his phone as the waiter set their food down.Â
âOur wine tasting is at 7:30.â
âWhat?! Then yeah we donât have much time!â
âYeah.â Hm, he hadnât really done the math rightâ or well he had when heâd made reservations for six at the other place, he just hadnât counted on needing to change restaurants. Actually they have very little time. âUh, well, ok, letâs eat fast thenâŠâ Eating fast was not romantic. âOr we can miss it. Itâs fine.â
But she waved her hand, already twirling pasta around her fork, âNo way, weâll make it. You worked so hard planning all of this! I can eat fast. Damn this is good pastaâŠ. You want to try this?â
He did, but he already envisioned the noodles swinging down and getting on his dark shirt. And then sheâd want to try his, which was spaghetti and meatballs (it was one of the cheapest things on the menu, ok?!) and heâd drop one and it would bounce onto her white sweater. It wasnât worth the risk.
âNah, we can just eat our own food,â he assured her.Â
And promptly knocked his glass of wine to the ground, shattering it.
**
Alex had never seen Jungkook acting so weird in her life. He swung back and forth between distracted and too intense. One moment sheâd think he was bored and the next heâd ignore whatever she just said and start telling her a play by play of some brain documentary he watched! He was clearly pissed about the first restaurant turning them away but then didnât seem to care about the next place even though it was really nice; they had to leave so quickly to get to the wine tasting that they didnât even get dessert.Â
He wasnât acting like himself at all. Honestly, she felt like another day he might have still been able to sweet talk them into that first restaurant âthough she was glad he hadnât because she wasnât really comfortable in a place like that anyway. It was bad enough being at the Italian restaurant where Jungkook insisted on paying and the waiter gave her a menu without prices so she didnât even know how much damage she was doing to Jungkookâs bank account. He didnât want to talk about any of the things they normally talked about. He didnât respond to any of her jokes.Â
She couldnât figure it out. Did he just not want to be here? But that didnât make sense, because if he didnât want to be here, he wouldnât be! Jungkook had no problem peacing out of a situation he didnât want to be in. Heâd bailed on her plenty of times, that wasnât hard for him.
They rushed across town to get to Hollyoak Vineyards for this wine tasting Jungkook had booked them for âand she was confused, because they couldnât do a vineyard tour in the cold and dark or anythingâ and made it just in the nick of time. He kept saying over and over that it was fine if they missed it, which seemed to mean it wasnât fine.Â
And then, checking in, winded by the sprint from the car, Alex made a terrible discovery: she had left her wallet and ID at the Italian restaurant. Which might have been fine if Jungkook wasnât with her, because often she didnât get carded on her own. But Jungkook made her look younger with that charming babyface of his. The woman asked to see their IDs before they could join the tour and tasting.
âI left it at the restaurant,â she admitted quietly, turning to Jungkook.
For a moment he just looked at her.
âYou donât have your ID?â
âItâs at the restaurant.â
âUhâŠâ
He froze. He looked between her and the employee and Alex knew that look: somebody fix this for me because I donât know what to do now. Usually she didnât see that look unless he was drunk or in emotional crisis. Neither was true now, except that he still wasnât saying anything.
âIs there another tasting tonight?â Alex asked the employee.
âNo, Iâm sorry. I can reschedule you for another day?â
âCould he start the tasting now and Iâll go and come backââ
âNo, youâll miss the whole thing,â Jungkook said, reanimated. He pulled his ID off the counter and tucked it back into his wallet. âOk, weâll go. Thanks anyway.â
âIâm sorry, I guess it fell out of my purse under the table,â she explained as they left the place. He didnât say anything. She couldnât tell if he was pissed or disappointed, but she felt bad either way. âIâm really sorry, Jungkook.â
âItâs fine. It doesnât matter,â he sighed. âUhâŠâ They reached the car and he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. She didnât know what he was thinking about or if he was just trying to control his emotions or what. âYou want me just to take you home? This is all kind of a bust, huh?â
âWha? No, donât take me home yet!â
âYou sure? âCause this a pretty fail date soââ
âOh my god are you serious right now?â she laughed. âItâs fine! Things go wrong sometimes, itâs not that serious. Canât we just find something else to do?â
He let out a deep, heavy sigh.
âHey look, Iâm sorry I fucked up the wine tasting. We can just do that on another date, Iâll book it.â
âYeah butâŠâ
âLetâs just go to minigolf or somethingââ
âIâm not taking you to minigolf,â he huffed, and crossed his arms and leaned against the car, and rolled his eyes.
And frankly, Alex had had enough.
âWhy the fuck not? Whatâs wrong with minigolf? Whatâs wrong with Taco Bell? I donât want to be a bitch because I know you put all this effort into planning all of these things but why are you acting like weâre suddenly too good toâ ok, we tried this fancy stuff and things went wrong so letâs just do something else! It doesnât have to be a big deal!â
âIt does have to be a big deal, Alex! Itâs our first fucking date!â
âSo?!â she shouted, throwing her arms up.
âWhat do you mean âsoâ?! Itâs our first date! The first date we ever go on!â he shouted back.
âYeah I know that! But it doesnât have to be like some bigâŠâ She couldnât think of the right words. Her shouting fizzled a bit as she thought through what heâd just said, and how actually very sweet that was.
âI wanted it to be big,â he insisted. âHoseok always took you on these big fancy dates, right? Yeah, I can do that too!â
âOh, Jungkook,â she sighed. And walked around and grabbed his coat and headbutted his chest and let her head rest there. âYou dummy.â
âWhat?â
âDonât worry about what Hoseok did. Who cares?â
âYou cared.â
âPast tense,â she pointed out, craning her neck to look up at him from so close. âNow Iâm out on a date with you. I donât have this like high expectation ofââ
âOf a good date? You should. Thatâs shitty, I donâtââ
âWe can do anything and itâs a good date. I just wanted to spend time with you. We already know all kinds of things we like doing together.â
âYeah but this isnât just hanging out, Alex. Itâs a date date. I wanted it to be special.â
âIt is special, you idiot.â She hit him on the arm several times to try and make him smile. âItâs us. Obviously itâs special.â
âNo, weâve always been just friends. This needs to be big so you know itâs differentââ
âDo you think Iâm a stupid little baby? Is that why you were telling me about baby brains? I know this is different! You brought me flowers and looked all nervous and awkward on my couch!â It was more fun to tease him than admit her own nerves as sheâd dressed and redressed and then redressed again. But the excitement for her had been a thousand times louder than the nerves. Nervous-excited, not nervous-afraid.
He sounded nervous-afraid.
âYeah butââ
âI put on sexy underwear and eyeliner! The pointy way you said looks good!â
âI know thatâ I mean not about the underwear butââ
âSo why are you being so weird about our date? Thereâs no point if you donât actually enjoy spending time with me.â
âWhat are you talking about?â he demanded, eyebrows furrowing into the little V she had predicted. âOf course I like spending time with you.â
âYeah? What do you like doing with me?â
âI donât know, just⊠stuff. Like⊠but itâs just been friend stuff beforeââ
âIâm no expert, but I think dating is kind of just doing the same things we always did except we say itâs a date now,â she pointed out. âYou donât think so? Or are you worried you donât actually like me or something?â
âI like you, Alex, thatâs why Iâm nervous. Pretty sure I used a word stronger than âlikeâ before too.â
She let that sit for a moment. Hearing Jungkook admit he was nervous was a completely different lens to look at the whole evening. Hearing Jungkook reiterate that he liked her was like, nauseatingly unbelievable.Â
Ok, now she was having a harder time not being nervous-afraid because yeah, this was pretty crazy, being on a date date with Jungkook that he was taking so seriously because he liked her and she liked him too. Oh god.
âAre you⊠are you just cranky because youâre worried about having a bad first date?â she fumbled out.
âYeah! Obviously! Jesus, itâs like youâ are you fucking with me right now?!â
âOh my god, you are so high strung right now,â she sighed and pulled on his jacket. âJungkook! Chill! Are you serious?â
âI justâŠâ
âBaby,â she said, and reached up to grab his face in a burst of confidence fueled by all of his nonsense. âBaby Koo.â
âShut up,â he grumbled.
âNo, donât be grumpy. Look at me.â He begrudgingly did so; he didnât have much of a choice with her holding his head. âThank you for a wonderful dinner and for scheduling the wine tasting I fucked up. This whole evening is really special to me. The fact you worked so hard to make it special makes me feel really special. I donât want to say goodnight yet, so Iâd really like ice cream and minigolf with you.â
âWhy are you so obsessed with minigolf?â he mumbled.
âI donât know, I just think itâs a cute date idea and I like doing dumb things like that with you,â she shrugged, letting her hands fall away. He caught hold of them though and held. His fingers were cold. âIâm still allowed to like it, even when itâs a date date.â
âYeah, wellâŠâ His mouth twisted in thought, so cute. âMy original plan was to do minigolf,â he confessed. âAnd the taco truck. But then everyone acted like that was really lame and low effort so I wanted to do something bigger so you would knowââ
âFuck that!â Alex cried. âAnd fuck them! I like minigolf and tacos!â
âI know you like that but I wanted to like⊠I want you to be all giddy and stuff, you know? No one gets giddy over minigolf.â
âThey do when they win,â she beamed. âYou wouldnât know about that. Since you never win.âÂ
His eyes narrowed. âUh, pretty sure I always beat your ass. I canât let you win, just because itâs a date.â
âWho said anything about let?â
âUgggh but see? I canât beat your ass, thatâll be a bad date.â
âThen let me win.â
âYouâd hate me forever.â
âI wouldnât hate you! Iâd just be shocked you were down that bad for meâ I donât think your ego could let someoneââ
âHey, I let girls win that shit all the time,â he interrupted. âI donât let you win because I respect you so much.â
âYeah or because you arenât trying to get into my pants.â
âNo, but I do want into your pants now.â
âWell⊠sounds like you know what to do thenâŠâ She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows and felt full body relief. Everything made so much more sense now. She should have figured it out sooner that Jungkook was just nervous and frustrated that things werenât going to his plan when he was trying so hard! But how could she have guessed he was this worked up about impressing her? It was just her!
âAlex,â he whined her name. She started to walk around the car but he was still holding her wrist and pulled her back. âWe canât play minigolf. Forty years from now weâll be talking about our first date and Iâm going to say I took you to play fucking minigolf?â
Damn. Damn that sounded serious.Â
âUm, well,â she stammered, distracted at the casual way in which heâd basically just been like yeah weâre going to be together forever. âWell first youâll probably tease me about forgetting my wallet and then youâll probably tease me about being easy or childish because I wanted to play minigolf.â
âAh, thatâs true⊠you asked for it. Iâm just giving you what you wanted.â His voice lowered as he said it, as he pulled her closer, no secret about the innuendo.
âGiving me what I want is always the right move,â she agreed, and lifted her face so he wouldnât have to crouch too far for the kiss she thought he was leading into. There was only a moment of hesitation during which she worried sheâd read him wrong. Maybe this just wasnât normal yet, but they wanted it. He smiled into the kiss, giving too much teeth against hers, but she tilted her face and the kiss softened and Alex forgot to breathe. You know, just Jungkook, kissing her in the parking lot, nose pressed against hers, warm breath and saliva mingling with hers.
She overbalanced on her toes and they fell back against his car but he caught his own weight and towered over her.Â
âMaybe you should go back to being pissy and mean,â she breathed.
âHuh?â
âYouâre making me dizzy,â she admitted with a laugh. âI know we kissed the other night butââÂ
Jungkook cut her off with another kiss that made her toes curl and her heart stutter.
âYeah?â he murmured, sounding a bit breathless himself as his nose gently nudged hers. âAm I giving you butterflies kissing you in the parking lot of the wine tasting we didnât get to do?â
âYeah.â
He sighed, wine-scented breath warm across her face. âCan you please be a little more high maintenance? Iâm giving you permission to be demanding!â
âOh, I will be, without your permission,â she assured him with a cheeky grin. âYou seem to be forgettingâ well, I wonât remind you. You just keep those rose-tinted glasses on for a while. At least until I make you cry at minigolf.â
âOk, are you just forgetting that youâre really bad at minigolf? Because I have not forgotten itââ
âThatâs not true! Iâve won before!â
âYeah, by sabotaging me,â he pointed out.
âMm-hm and now I can sabotage you even more, right? Like⊠oops I dropped my ball!â she joked and slid from his arms to bend over and pick it up. So he had a nice profile of just how high her skirt would go. She was wearing tights, it wasnât going to show anything but look, sheâd learned a few things over the years about what Jungkook liked. He liked the tease. The suggestion. Maybe he liked it more than the real thing.Â
She hoped he didnât like the idea of her more than the real thing.
Also he really liked ass, so at least that was a safe bet.
He grumbled and demanded, âHow many dates do we have to go on before Iâm allowed to spank when you do something like that?â
Oh god be cool she begged herself because, you know, Jungkook had basically just asked to spank her. Jungkook. Spanking her. Just⊠spanking her. Cool. Cool cool.
âUm⊠three.â
He looked unhappy about it but nodded, âOk. So youâre just going to tease me a lot tonight then?â
âYeah, probably. But if you cry when you lose, Iâll comfort you. Iâm not totally mean.â
âYeah, Iâll give you a hug when you lose,â he promised. âIâm a caring date.â
âYouâre a nice guy.â
âYeah, Iâm a nice guy,â he laughed, then tried to tickle and poke her through her coat. âI am. Sorry if I was weird or whatever tonight.â
âHey, why are you talking like the night is over? You are still on a date,â she argued.Â
âRight right, I have to make your dreams come true. Minigolf and ice cream.â
âAnd you,â she added, sort of without meaning to. At least the vulnerability of it hit her after sheâd said the words. She just had meant to specify he was an important part of why she would like those things on a date!
But the thing was, she didnât really feel vulnerable tonight in a bad way. She didnât feel as nervous or impostery as she had feared. This was Jungkook! She didnât think there was anyone in the world she was safer with and all his efforts and overthinking seemed to prove that. Heâd taken on all the nerves for her. What a great guy.
He smiled, that goofy crooked toothy grin of her best friend, and said, âWell call me a dreamboy, baby, because Iâm about to make all your dreams come trueââ
âOk you did not get laid with lines like that,â Alex said with a roll of her eyes.
âYeah, sure I did!â
âNo.â
âI did! Are you saying that did not make you cream your panties? What kind of panties did you say againââ
âOh my god, just get in the car.â
âFine, what date can I ask about your panties? Because I thought that one was ok since we talked about it the other night.â
âMy panties?â
âYeah.â
âYou mean because youâve been hoarding my underwear at yourââ
âWoah woah I did notâ I told you they were just mixed in withââ
âThey?! How many of my underwear do you have?!â
âGet in the car, Song.â
She giggled and continued to taunt him as the car heated up and he looked up places. There was an indoor one at the mall they were familiar with but Alex wanted the outside one which was still open through the end of the month and served ice cream.
âYou sure youâre ok with outside?â
âIâll be fine! I have a coat and sweater tights.â
âOh is that why they look fancy?â
âYeah, theyâre textured. Want to feel them?â she teased as he drove. But he took the advantage, letting his hand slide across her thigh. She got very quiet. His hand just looked so familiar and comfortable there, like that was his thigh.Â
âYeah, I like these,â he nodded. âYour whole outfit.â
She waited, then sighed, âYou noticed I couldnât get my eyeliner straight, didnât you?â
âWell, thatâs why you have me now,â he laughed. âI can help next time.â
âLook you werenât the only one nervous, ok?â
âYeah? What were you nervous about, baby?â he asked, still rubbing her thigh. He might as well have been rubbing somewhere else with that firm grip. The devil part of her wanted to just ask him to let his hand run higher, maybe a sequel to the other nightâŠ
âYeah donât act all cocky now. I know your secret!â she retorted and adjusted her skirt.
âWhatâs my secret?â
âYou like me.â
âYouâre right, that is a very well kept secret,â he laughed. âPlease donât spread that around. There might still be a couple people in town I didnât drunkenly blab that to in the last few months.â
She sighed happily at his expense. Maybe the craziest thing wasnât being on a date with ex-best-turned-best-friend-again Jungkook. Maybe the craziest thing was that being on an actual date with him didnât feel as crazy as sheâd always expected it to. Would that come later? She hadnât felt mismatched on his arm walking into either restaurant like sheâd expected to. Yes, he was the hottest guy in any room. And he wanted to put his face between her legs, so what did that make her?
Ok, that part was still a little wild and crazy. Not only that heâd wanted to but sheâd let him. Maybe sheâd even let him do it for real next time.
âYou ok?â
âHm?â
âIs it too hot in here now?â he asked.
âYeah, way too hot,â she agreed, reaching forward to crank the heat down. Jungkook cracked the windows. She drank the cool air in and pushed back against the warm tingling starting to build up.Â
âSo what did your parents say when you told them I was picking you up for a date tonight?â he asked, throat clearing. It made her suspicious in two directions.
âWhy, what did they say to you?â she asked, the safer question than: why you clearing your throat, boo? Whatcha thinking about?Â
âNothing, they were just acting kind of weirdâŠâ
âI told them we were going on a date date and they were just like âoh really? Thatâs nice.â I donât think they believed me!â
âWell I was dressed up with flowers.â
âPlus you were acting super weird too,â Alex pointed out.
âThanks, babe.â
His hand left her thigh as he took a sharp turn and Alex wished heâd read her mind and put it back, but he did not.
âLetâs get your wallet, dummy.â
Fifteen minutes and one returned wallet later, he pulled into the minigolf parking lot and pressed, âYou sure you want to do this?â
âWhy? You scared?â
âNo, I meant because itâs coldââ
âYouâre scared.â
âIâm not scared, Alex. You golf like a toddler.â
âItâs minigolf, thatâs the point!â
âThatâs not the⊠whatever, ice cream before or after?â
âDuring. Iâm ready to doublefist a cone and a club.â
It really was fucking cold outside, but the course was lit and they werenât the only ones. The snack bar served them the ice cream, the employee giving them a raised eyebrow but handing the cones over. Jungkook hit his first ball straight into a pond and Alex got a scathing look from a mom when she shouted what are you the fucking hulk? Itâs minigolf! While he shouted accusations at her That was your fault! Why are you bending over like that to tie your shoe? Your boots donât even have laces!Â
The truth was they were both pretty bad at minigolf tonight. Their teeth chattered and they huddled together from one hole to the next. They fucked with each other every single turn âdirty jokes, terrible impersonations, quoting memes and movies they knew would get a rise out of each other. Jungkook tried the same move sheâd done in the beginning, even pulling his coat up to make sure she could see his ass, sulked when it didnât work, and pretended like he was going to do a full on striptease âwhich would definitely have led to Alexâs premature death. Later she offered to suck his fingers to warm them up and he fell to the ground claiming heâd sprained his dick.Â
And then it started to rain.
âAre you fucking kidding me?!â Jungkook shouted as Alex grabbed his hand and ran with him into the mountain tunnel in the center of the course. âIt wasnât supposed to rain until 9!â
âThe weather does what it wants.â
âYeah but itâs fucking with my date. You donât like getting rained on! Unless today is the day we try the naked thingââ
She laughed and pulled him down closer to kiss his wet face. His skin was so cold. Their lips and noses were stiff. The sweetness of his mint choco ice cream lingered on his tongue. Alex stood on the railing for height and lost herself in the taste. She thought sheâd be taking this dumb fantasy to her grave and yet here they were, making out in the minigolf mountain like the horny teenages they hadnât gotten to be with each other.Â
After several long, lazy, uncounted minutes had passed, they huddled together at the exit to survey the remaining distance. The rain was not letting up.
âDid you make it rain?â he demanded. âYouâre that upset Iâm beating you?â
âUh⊠you arenât beating me.â
âAlex, Iâm totally beating you.â
âYou totally arenât.â
âThen whatâs the score?â
âI donât know but you donât know either!â
â7-11.â
âYou liar!â she laughed and tried to hit his ass. âFine, weâll count for real now.â
âWait, what for real now? Itâs raining!â
âItâs not raining that hard.â
âItâs hard enough!â he cried, then instantly laughed and wiggled his eyebrows, then groaned, âBut Iâm not, Iâm freezing!â
âAll right, letâs golf fast! Orrrr you could admit defeat.â
âNever,â he glared and grabbed his putter and took off.
The cheating was flagrant and largely futile. Putters were traded for kicking, rolling, and eventually just dropping the ball in the hole. They shouted numbers to make each other lose count. They were laughing so hard, doubled over at times as the rain grew heavier and colder. She really did hate the way her clothes and hair clung to her wet skin, but it was worth it to endure. This was a special night.
âWeâre idiots!â Alex laughed, then shrieked as she slipped on a little bridge. Jungkook dove forward and rammed his elbow on the metal railing, didnât help her, and sank to the ground like heâd been knocked out. âGet up! Get up! Youâll get hypothermia!â
Instead he took her putter and shouted, âGood luck winning now!â and limped forward, clutching his elbow. Alex ran ahead of him and managed to shove her ball into the final return hole just as he tried to kick his in. Instead he kicked her in the shoulder and shouted in horror. She tried to stand, he tried to crouch.
âFuck!â
âUp up we have to get back to the car, weâre going to freeze to death!â Jungkook shouted at her, grabbing her arm. They half-limped, half-ran back to the parking lot, tossing their putters in the return rack without stopping.
âWeâre such idiots, weâre going to get sick and die,â Alex wailed as they stripped their wet coats off and shoved them in the backseat. Jungkook cranked the heat up. âFuck, I hate my bangs!â she laughed, swiping at the hair plastered to her face, poking her in the eyes. âAt least I wore my contacts.â
Jungkookâs hands replaced hers, pushing them back, followed by his cold lips against her forehead, her nose and then her mouth, all one smooth motion that completely overwhelmed her. Her fingers tightened on his shoulders in surprise as he grabbed her arms and pulled her closer, like the laughter and running and cheating had turned into raw energy that he now funneled into a hard, desperate kiss. The joy in that kiss made the world spin around her. The windows were fogging up and she felt that desperation again. Touch me, taste me, take me, do anything to me, let me be the girl you want.
âAlex.â
âKoo.â
His breath warmed her frozen nose and stung her frozen cheeks.Â
âWas this the worst date ever?â
She glared. âNo! It was good because it was with me, right?â
âWeâre both going to get the flu.â
âStop complaining and just kiss me again,â she ordered, pulling him across the console this time. He pressed her into the seat, contorted, mouth getting hotter against hers by the second.Â
âGod I canât believe this was the best date of my life,â he completely contradicted himself.
The giggles burst out of her, âDamn. Really? Thatâs sadââ
He shoved icy fingers under her sweater to tickle and she screamed and kicked the dashboard in her attempts to flee. He just wrapped his arms around her and pressed his frozen nose into her neck, squeezing tighter.
âYou asshole, let me go!â
âNever.â
âJungkook!â
âYou said you wanted outdoor minigolf, you suffer the consequences! Iâm warming my nose up.â
âIâm so uncomfortably wet!â
âYeah babyââ
âNo, in a bad way!â
âLove leaving a girl wet in a bad way on our first dateââ She couldnât hear what else he said, drowned out by her laughter. Someone was going to think they were fucking in here with the way windows had fogged up so quickly and they were shaking the car. She pushed him away and adjusted the heat and wiped at the condensation on her window. Now it was uncomfortably hot, and also her clothing really felt disgusting like this. The fluffy sweater was scratchy and gross. She pulled it away from her skin but it just clung right back.
Jungkook shook his head.
âWhat?â
âI tried so hard to make this date nice,â he laughed.
âOh my god youâre so hung up on this. Iâm having a great time!â
But perfectionist Jungkook. She should have known heâd have some specific idea in mind! He struggled when things didnât go the way he planned, if he wanted them a certain way. Usually heâd insist he didnât care and overcompensate in his frustration, make too much of a joke about things in an effort to be cool that was always obvious and annoying. He hadnât done that! But she knew frustration lingered with him and she didnât want that to be what overshadowed their date!
âSeriously. Please donât remember our first date as a failure. Ok, how about this, what if we decide this was just a trial run.â
âUh huh.â
âOur next date is our first date,â she explained, twisting in the seat. It was gross, her tights and skirt squished. âWeâll just keep having first dates until youâre happy.â
âWait, but Iâm happy. Donât make it sound like Iâm not.â
âUh, you arenât though, youâre the only one in this car whoâs unhappy.â
âIâm happy,â he insisted, eyebrows going up, lips pouting. âItâs just not as good as I wanted to do for you, but Iâm happy. Why wouldnât I be? Iâm on a date with Alex Song!â
âOh pleaseâŠâ
âI meant that seriously.â
âYou said it like a joke.â
âI meant it seriously,â he insisted. âI want to impress you, you know? Youâve seen the worst of me for so long, I want you to see the best of me too. Like that I can take you on a really fun, nice date, not that Iâm just some lazy, sex-obsessed assholeâ.â
âI see the best of you all the time too, or I wouldnât be on a date with you in the first place. I already know we can have a great time even when things go wrong. This date was genuinely great but even if it was actually awful, Iâd still have fun with you, itâs one of the things Iâve always⊠liked about you.â Loved about you.
She didnât say it.
She balked.
She didnât know why she didnât say it. She had expected the words to just roll right off her tongue. Because she did, she knew she loved him, and not too long ago she could have said it without any hesitation.
But it meant something more now, and the words tangled up behind her cold teeth.
She hurried to add, âI know that you can be both a really sweet, thoughtful guy and a lazy, sex-obsessedââ
âOk ok,â he huffed, pouting heâd set her up for a zinger like that. He turned on the headlights and sighed. âIâd better get you home so you can put on your jammies. Iâll feel like an asshole if I really do get you sick right before Christmas.â
âIâm the one who insisted on minigolf.â
âOk, itâs your fault then.â
âJungkook!â
âHey donât hit me, Iâm driving! Thatâs just what we need tonight, a car wreck!â
âFine, youâre safe for nowâŠâ
She curled up in her seat and tried not to make it obvious she was staring at him. The streetlights flickering through the rain on the windshield cast spotted shadows on his wet face but she could tell his nose was still red and sniffly.Â
He was cute. And sweet. It was endearing heâd been so serious and competitive about their date. Sheâd known him for so long but still she had learned something new about him tonight: he was not confident on a date. She had always known he had a gooey soft interior but he was so suave with women, she had assumed he would be all confidence and charm on a date. Instead he was a grumpy sulky baby when things werenât going the way he planned.Â
Her grumpy sulky baby. Just like sheâd always wanted. Hot as shit on the outside, sulky baby on the inside.
âWhy are you looking at me like that?â he asked, glancing nervously her way at a red light.
âNothing.â
âTell me.â
âNothing!â
He reached out and sank his fingers into her thigh like a claw.
âNO! Donât tickle me, youâre driving!â she shrieked and tried to fend him off. Fortunately the light turned green, saving her. âRude!â
âI just want to know what you're thinking. Iâm on pins and needles here.â
She decided to tease him more. âWell⊠Iâm thinking Iâd like to see you again.â
âOh? Yeah?â
âYeah. Maybe at our joint family dinner on Christmas Eve?â
âBooo,â he scowled. âBefore that. Thatâs not a date, thatâs a duty.â
âYou want another date before that?â
âYeah.â
âWow, Iâm a really good date, huh?â she grinned.
âYeah, youâre cute.â
âI was joking!â
âIâm not.â
âFine. How about Iâll plan the next date. When are you free, is it on the calendar?â
âYeah, itâs on the calendar. Any time Iâm not working is yours.â
She didnât comment. She couldnât comment on any of these things. Because this was just mundane, joky conversation, but the fact they casually making more plans together hit her like a bus. Part of her brain was like yeah, making plans with Jungkook, totally normal while the other part reminded youâre dating Jungkook.Â
He pulled to a stop in front of her house and started to get out.
âNo donât walk me to the door, itâs still pouring.â
âYeah, butââ
âNo, seriously. My parents might be watching the door anyway.â
âYeah butâŠâ
âHey,â she said. âSave it for the first date. Iâll walk you to your front door at the end of the night.â
âOh youâre driving?â
âYeah, babygirl, we are equals,â she grinned.
âDid you just⊠just âbabygirlâ me?â
âYesssss,â she started to laugh before his fingers even tried to wedge under her shirt again. He kissed her before she caught her breath; she laughed and squirmed and it made their lips slide, the messiest kiss.Â
âK, get out of my car, I need to get home and shower before I get sick,â he said.
âHold on, Jesus, Iâm dizzy.â
âHuh?â
âYou canât just kiss a girl like that and then kick her out of your car, Iâll trip and dieââ
âOk, Iâm walking you in.â
âNo, stay put.â
âYou said youâre dizzy!â
She squeezed his face so full of concern, and shook her head, âGoodnight. Thanks for the amazing date, I had a lot of fun despite your whining about it.â
âHey!â
His shouted protests were swallowed quickly by the rain as she held her coat over her head and ran into her house. She was right that Baba had been watching the door and swung it open to let her in quickly.
âAlex, youâre wet! Did you get caught in the rain?â
âThanks, Baba, goodnight!â Alex sang as she yanked her boots off, tossed her coat, and floated to her room.Â
There in the privacy of her bedroom, she covered her face and let out a silent scream.
He tried so hard!
He cared so much!
He was so handsome!
He was so awkward about their date and god, she loved him for it. Didnât he understand how perfect it was? It was exactly what she had hoped for. The effort. The attention. All for her.Â
She looked forward to teasing him about it for forty years.Â
Especially the photo he posted to his Snap and Insta story of him with a towel around his shoulders, shirt clinging to his body, hair damp and tousled, giving a thumbs-up with the caption yeah everything went wrong but I got a second date so⊠Followed by a text only post on insta lol she ainât on here fam she deleted insta a while ago
So he wasnât talking about their date on insta as some kind of game or lure or to signal to her that he wasnât still trying to hook up with women? He did it just to⊠share? Brag? Signal to women on instagram he wasnât looking? Was he just excited about his date and used to sharing things on social media and didnât think through the impact on his free sex life because that wasnât a priority to him?
âGrrrr why are you so fucking cute,â she grumbled. âIâm supposed to be the cute one. Stay in your hot lane. â
She DMed him a kissy face emoji in response to the story to give him a heart attack and went to shower. And afterwards had a good laugh when the stories and the pre-date photo were gone.
[AlandPals]: đ
[TheJK.97]: đ
[AlandPals]: take off the sunglasses
[TheJK.97]: đ”đȘŠ
[TheJK.97]:Â so uh when did you dl insta?
[AlandPals]: night bunny
[TheJK.97]:Â that is NOT my petname
[TheJK.97]:Â night earwig
[AlandPals]: night weevil
[TheJK.97]:Â night shrimp cocktail
[AlandPals]: night nutter butter
[TheJK.97]:Â night cheeto finger
[AlandPals]: night kookie crisp
[TheJK.97]:Â night booberry
[TheJK.97]:Â night pistachio
[TheJK.97]: night titmouse (thatâs a bird look it up)
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Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood âactual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if heâs in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much⊠not that. Which is fine and doesnât matter! Until Jiminâs impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook canât believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags:Â fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, language, sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below
Part One (word count 18,561)
Part Two (word count 22,573)
Part Three (word count 17,993)
Part Four (word count 14,805)
Part Five (word count 14,935)
Part Six (word count 26,439)
Part Seven (word count 21,171)
Part Eight (word count 24,460)
Part Nine (word count 19,060)
Part Ten (word count 29,670; split in 2 posts)
Part Eleven (word count 36,762; split in 3 posts)
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood âactual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if heâs in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much⊠not that. Which is fine and doesnât matter! Until Jiminâs impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook canât believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags:Â fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below cut
Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter
Jungkook could not stop thinking about the air hockey game at the arcade. It brought him joy. Peace. He had never felt more confident in the truth that he loved Alex than he had the moment she ran up to him in front of the arcade. The moment she cried her way into his arms. The joy on her face when he convinced Tyler to let them back in. The way she dragged out the game.Â
And all because heâd waited. Even when she hadnât shown up by the time the place closed, heâd been unable to make himself leave, so heâd just sat there in the cool night for a while, torn between feeling sorry for himself and wondering if she still might show up super late⊠and then sheâd run across the parking lot into his arms!
Ok. Heâd wait. No problem. For whatever it was she came around to, maybe just friendship again? Ok. Fine. Heâd take whatever she would give him.
âDid you lose weight?â Jimin asked with a frown as he circled.
âNo?â Jungkook looked down just as Jimin reached out and tugged at his waistband. He gestured to the tailor who came over and did the same. âI didnât.â
âYouâve been working out a lot,â Namjoon said.
âNo more than I used to.â
âMaybe itâs the stress.â
âIâm not stressed,â Jungkook assured them. âAre you stressed?â he asked Jimin.
âYeah, Iâm stressed as shit, donât ask me that,â Jimin laughed. He looked at the tailor, who assured him, âHe can tighten his belt, the pants donât need to be taken in.â
âIt was a joke,â Jungkook argued. Stressed was an understatement. Every minute of the wedding so far seemed to have been a battle Jimin and Inâam fought against their parents. Honestly it was sad to see, not at all what Jungkook wanted for his friend around a thing he was so excited about. Jiminâs family was well off but not enough to pay for the caliber of wedding Inâamâs parents wanted for their daughter. It wasnât what Inâam wanted either, so Jimin had suggested they elope, but she didnât want that either. The last year of arguments between both families and the couple had covered everything from location, venue, food, guest list and size, style of dress, whether to serve alcohol, what sort of flowers, what time the whole thing should take place, and what sword Jimin would use to cut the cake since that wasnât a Korean tradition and he didnât just have a sword. Her family had not been amused when he asked if he could use his shinai from when he did Kendo. The arguments boiled down to whether the wedding was Egyptian or Korean until Inâam apparently took all four parents to task (âit was really something to see; I feared for their lives and I think they did tooâ) that it was their wedding and they didnât want any of their money if there were conditions attached to it.
Who was actually getting what they wanted, Jungkook couldnât say. Weddings in general seemed like a lot of expensive fuss to him, though he was honored Jimin had asked him to be a groomsman along with Taehyung, his own brother, and one of Inâamâs. And also happy just to do what he was told and when.
Jungkook shared a look with Taehyung as Jimin finally decided Jungkookâs pants were fine. When he turned away to worry about something else, Jungkook followed around him and began massaging his shoulders.
âEverythingâs going to be fine, man.â
âOne month left. People are flying in from Korea and Egypt and I donât even know where else for this. Yesterday Inâamâs father called me because he hasnât seen a draft of the Moaâkhar.â
âOoh, whatâs that?â Taehyung asked.
âEgyptians do these big marriage contracts, and that part is how much money Iâd give her in the event of a divorce,â Jimin said. Practically shouted. âWe have a prenup but he doesnât need to see it! Inâam had told him no Mahr âthatâs the part of the dowry I pay to Inâam, or maybe itâs both that and what I'd pay to her family? I get confused⊠Anyway, she said no Mahr, no Moaâkhar and they agreed to that. Our pre-nup is separate, the contract we sign during the ceremony is more⊠spiritual,â Jimin explained. âPoetic. But then he starts asking me questions again, I think he was trying to trip me up. So Inâam calls her mom, and get this, apparently Inâs mom and my mom have been talking by themselves, because then Eomma calls me and wants to know if we should book belly dancers as a make-good with Inâamâs family.â
With a sigh, he sank down onto the platform the tailor had put him on earlier to check the hem of his pants again.
âMake good for what?â Jungkook asked, looking at himself in the mirror. Had he lost weight? He didnât think so. He wasnât trying to and didnât want to; actually heâd rather bulk up more. Maybe he really wasnât eating enough, now that he spent less time cooking now that there was only himself to eat it. Before living with Namjoon, heâd never realized how many hours a week the guy worked. No wonder he had money, but when did he plan on spending it?
âFor them not getting a lot of the things they wanted with this wedding, I guess,â Jimin shrugged. âActually Inâamâs brothers hired belly dancers for the reception. I told her because I didnât think sheâd appreciate any surprises and she was excited so thatâll be fun. Her bridesmaids got a bunch of scarves to give people to tie around their hips.â
âBelly dancers, huh?â Jungkook grinned. Taehyung snickered and threw a wadded up sock at him, but Jungkook wasnât being creepy about random women, he was being creepy thinking about Alex belly dancing. Sheâd be cute. Sometimes it was hard to predict when sheâd let go and when sheâd be shy, but either way would be cute. He wondered what she was going to wear and if it would show off her tits. Black tie affair and all that.
âHey, Alex didnât change her RSVP, right?â he asked. He didnât care that it was transparent to his friends at this point; they didnât even raise eyebrows anymore, which he suspected meant theyâd all just started to think he was a little pathetic but were too nice to say anything about it. He wasnât sure he preferred that to when his friends thought he was stupid and in denial.Â
Jimin stood at the tailor's beckon and answered, âNope, sheâs good, I just talked to her yesterday.â
âOh yeah?â
âYeah, uh⊠she and Hoseok came over for dinner.â
âAh. I didnât realize you did that.â
âWe havenât much but Inâam has invited them a few times and Alex always said no, but I guess she felt guilty about it because when they came over the first thing she said was âI swear Iâm not avoiding you guys!ââ
âShe kinda was for a while though,â Taehyung insisted. Not only had she missed Jungkookâs birthday party, but also Namjoonâs and Jiminâs, though both were smaller celebrations. People had split up and done their own things, if anything, at Halloween, but she and Hoseok had done something else for that too.Â
âYeah but donât hold that against her,â Jungkook defended. âI think she just felt bad aboutâŠâ
âThat was business with you though, not with us,â Taehyung argued.
âI know but she used to worry that you guys were only friends with her because of me,â Jungkook ratted her out.Â
âWhat?!â
âThatâs insane,â Taehyung gasped. âWe like her way more than we like you.â
âYeah, I know, thanks!â Jungkook laughed. âAnd you know, she runs away from conflict sometimes. A lot of times. But thatâs good she was hanging out with you again. It was good to see her at the arcade so maybe that means things are, you know, calming down.â He shrugged to look indifferent.
Taehyung snickered, âYah, heâs told us about the arcade how many times now?â
âIâve seen the picture at least three times.â
âNo! I did not. Shut up.â
The tailor left Jimin alone to change, but first Jimin came to Jungkook and put his hand on his shoulder and said more gently, âTheyâre still together though, you know.â
âNo, I know. Itâs fine. Iâm glad sheâs happy. Thatâs fine, it just sucks that our friend group got all fucked up so itâll be good if we can go back to the way things were. I mean, in some ways,â Jungkook assured them.
A beat, and then: âItâs weird how differently he talks about things now, huh?â Taehyung asked and Jungkook realized belatedly the question was aimed at Jimin, as if Jungkook wasnât even there. âI think our baby Jungkookie is growing up.â
âYeah, I think so too! Itâs crazy to see.â
âHey now. No I didnât! Donât call me boring! Iâll embarrass you at the wedding.â
âYou better fucking not! Get it all out at the bachelor party.â
âBut what about all these beautiful women who will be at the wedding?â
âYouâve met them all,â Jimin insisted.
âHave I though? Not all of them,â Jungkook insisted, wiggling his eyebrows. Jimin and Taehyung laughed. But it all sounded hollow to Jungkook, even his own jokes. It was like they knew he was not likely to pick up any women at the wedding. Maybe he would. Why not? Maybe he should. Especially if Alex was there with Hoseok. Did waiting mean not having sex in case that made her think he had lost interest? Or was it better for him to go back to picking up women because it could distract him, especially if she might not ever decide to give him a chance?
Well, whatever. Heâd play it by ear. Maybe that bridesmaid would be down again, sheâd been fine. Heâd see how bad it hurt to watch Alex all dressed up dancing with Hoseok. Would he get a dance with her again like that night at salsa? No, probably notâŠ
Suit fitting done, they packed up and headed back to Jiminâs car.Â
âLetâs go do something,â Jungkook suggested.
âUh⊠right now? Like what?â
âI donât know.â Taehyung and Jimin both looked at him like he was crazy. âCome on, weâre always so busy, letâs go⊠doâŠâ
âOoh wanna go to the indoor golfââ
âNo,â Jungkook and Jimin said together, and then laughed at Taehyungâs pout.
âJimin chooses, heâs the one with the wedding in a month,â Jungkook suggested.
âLetâs get some food,â Jimin suggested, which Jungkook was glad to hear, because the wedding diet talk had seemed a little too much to him lately. âAnd then we can shoot some hoops? You want to?â
âYeah!â
âIâll do it for you,â Taehyung conceded, pressing his hand to his chest.Â
âIâm glad youâre feeling up for it,â Jimin said to Jungkook as they carefully placed their suits in the trunk. âYou stopped hanging out almost as much as Alex did for a while thereâŠâ
âI hung out sometimes!â
âYeah sometimes but not like you used to,â Taehyung pointed out. âWe almost thought you had a girlfriend. I didnât because you play way too many video games with me butââ
âHow do you know I just donât have a really cool girlfriend who likes video games?â
They both laughed at him.Â
âOk fine. No girlfriend. I just took some time to chill. Itâs good. You should try it sometime,â he nudged Jimin.
âYeah, on my honeymoon.â
âNoooo thatâs not what a honeymoon is for!â Taehyung cried. âYouâre supposed to be fucking!â
âYeah, weâll sleep after.â
âYou sleep after?! I just go all night,â Taehyung grinned.
Jimin grimaced, âOoh, you must not be doing it right then. It ought to put you out.â
Their banter made Jungkook smile and he was grateful for the spotlight to leave him again. He knew his friends had worried about him and offered whatever comfort they could in their own ways, and that heâd been mostly numb to it. He hadnât wanted to admit how badly he was hurting. He was embarrassed heâd told everyone about getting rejected. And mostly he was just really sad. Really sad. A kind of sadness he didnât really know to deal with.Â
But that evening at the arcade had changed something. He couldnât explain it, but he felt it, so he wasnât surprised that Jimin and Taehyung were noticing something different in him. He thought they might be misunderstanding and thinking he was âover itâ now or something. He wasnât! But he felt like his and Alexâs souls had connected just during that short time hanging out in a way they hadnât for a long time. The mixture of regret and grief and longing wasnât gone, but it was easier to co-exist with suddenly. He needed at least occasional contact with Alex for nourishment, and maybe this meant they could ease back into that now. Heâd see her at the wedding. Maybe they could be friends again. That was healing. He had hope for that.
Plus Mama Song had said his dream probably meant ânot a dream about Alex, but sheâd been at Eommaâs when he went home a few days ago and sheâd asked him if had any interesting dreams lately and then said it sounded like he was dreaming about springtime and rebirth of something lost. He liked that. He also found it really weird that their parents didnât seem to think anything was weird about Alex moving out of the apartment and them not coming over for family dinner at the same time anymore but no one was asking him about it. So he was just going to do what he did best for now and play dumb.
âWhere are we going to shoot hoops?â
âYoongi knows a place, Iâll call him while we eat,â JImin said. âCan we really do this? Just play for an afternoon?â
Taehyung glanced back at Jungkook and agreed, âYeah, we have to do this, youâre right. Between the divorce and wedding, weâre all boring and worn out.â
âNamjoonâs divorce was years ago,â Jungkook pointed out.
âYour divorce, dumbass.â
âOhhhhh hey letâs not call it my divorceâŠâ He suspected that would not go over well with Alex. Even if it felt kind of right.
âDo you think being divorced improves or damages your game?â
âSeems to be doing ok for Namjoon.â
âYeah I canât believe he asked for a +1 this close to the wedding. Inâam told him yes but there was murder in her eyes,â Jimin snickered. âI think weâll be doing great if we get through this wedding without my wife committing homicide.â
âSee? This is why me and Sabina are going to elope.â
âAre you?!â Jimin gasped.
Taehyung gasped too, âNo no not yet! Donât slam on the breaks, youâll get butt-bumped!â
âWeâve just talked about it and agreed. Not yet though. Promise I wonât propose at your wedding, itâs not my style.â
Jiminâs phone buzzed as he pulled into the parking lot of a lunch place, âAh, good, weâre on for hoops with Yoongi after this. Good idea, Jungkook. Itâs been a stressful few months, itâll be fun just to do something like that.â
And of that was the set up for Jimin breaking his nose four weeks before his wedding.
Alex could not stop thinking about the air hockey game at the arcade.Â
The fight with Hoseok had been unpleasant, but theyâd made their apologies and moved past it. That was fine. She felt like sheâd shown him something ugly in herself but he didnât seem to think so, so ok, they were good again. Neither of them wanted to dwell on it so they didnât. Theyâd had plenty of sex, snuggles, and pleasant times in the two weeks since then. Theyâd gone to dinner with Jimin and Inâam. Theyâd done karaoke with Taehyung, Sabina, and Seokjin. Â
Hoseok had invited her to go home with him for Thanksgiving and she had agreed! Why not! Heâd met her family! That was the sort of thing you did when things were going well with your boyfriend!
She had tried to blame the residual thinkies on Hoseok at first, and fear for her relationship after such a rough day and her own exposed lies but no, that couldnât be it. Everything there was once again smooth. She wasnât even that stressed about meeting his family! Maybe it was naivety because everything had gone so well so far, and he was confident that would go well, so why shouldnât she be?
There was something sad always on her shoulder now, knowing the arcade was closed. Sheâd tried blaming it on that. She drove past the mall on her way to work from her parentsâ house now and so she constantly saw the aged outline of the sign that had been ripped off the exterior. No more arcade, just the ghost of one, and all those memories tucked into a past sheâd tried to close herself off from in an attempt toâŠ
To what?
It wasnât that she couldnât answer. She didnât want to. She didnât want to think about her time with Jungkook at the arcade because every time she did, something inside her fractured. She didnât want to remember that his smile had been for her when sheâd come running up; heâd waited without even knowing if she was still coming! And that haunted her, that he waited. She didnât want to remember how cool it was when he got them one last game. She didnât want to remember their last game, and the lazy click of the puck as neither of them tried to end the game. Of course it felt like they were the only two people in the world. The arcade was closed! They were the only ones!
âMy parents donât mind for us to stay in the same room,â Hoseok was telling her. âSo weâll just stay at their house and save on the hotel since the flights were expensive. Sorry about that⊠I donât usually go home for Thanksgiving so I didnât think about it.â
âItâs fine,â she assured him. âIâm not paying rent right now so Iâm just rolling in dough.â He grinned and continued on about what theyâd do while they were there. His parents had only gotten into American Thanksgiving in a big way in the last few years as they got more involved in a local church, and the collection of food wouldnât be only American Thanksgiving dishes, and Hoseok had actually only been once, but he said it was a nice time with his family, who were fun and festive people. They were big on Black Friday shopping so they joked it was a nourishment ceremony before the next day and an excuse to get the family together. Hoseokâs mom was the sort of woman who said âWe are very fortunate; we should celebrate every day of thanks in any culture.âÂ
They sounded wonderful. Alex recognized how grown up it was that sheâd be getting on a plane and flying home with her boyfriend to meet his family. And while she knew she ought to be nervous, she honestly wasnât. Hoseokâs family sounded great. Probably sheâd get along with them just fine since Hoseok thought so. Or maybe she was nervous and thatâs why she felt so weird lately and she just didnât understand her own feelings! It wouldnât be the first time that was true!
âIâm really excited,â he beamed, the truth of it shining through his smile. Alex returned his smile and hoped he didnât notice the slight hollowness to it. He didnât seem to. He pulled to a stop in front of her parentâs house and leaned in to kiss her; she pressed her fingers to his cheek to keep him from lingering in case her parents or neighbors were watching.Â
âMe too,â she belatedly assured him, then poked his dimples. He was cute. He was so fucking cute and nice and handsome and sweet and thoughtful.
She slammed the door a little too hard and waved as he pulled away, then took her time stomping across the yard. Baba was slow on the leaves this year and her brother wasnât here to help. Mama had said they should just hire someone this year but Baba was being stubborn.
She needed to pack.
She sat in the middle of her bed, clothes spilled around her all over the room. She always hated packing for things, even things she looked forward to. And she was looking forward to this! She was! Meeting Hoseokâs family was the next step in her perfect relationship with an amazing guy, it was romantic, it was so fucking great!
Baba walked past her room with his sweatpants and sweatshirt on and Alex leapt up.
âBaba! Are you going for a walk? Wait for me, Iâll come too!â
âOh, Alex, yes, ok.â He looked surprised but also like it was faked; she suspected he had hoped she would join but didnât want to ask. Two peas in a pod, theyâd been called. Copy paste. She wasnât sure that was always flattering, but could admit to herself it was true. She minded less as she got older. She didnât care about waiting to be asked right now though, she was psyched for a reason to delay packing, and grabbed her coat and met him at the front door.
âThe leaves are out of control, Baba,â she complained as they hiked through them to get to the sidewalk.
âYes⊠your brother isnât here to help me this year, you know. Maybe I will ask Jungkook and Jin-hyun to help an old man. Should I?â
âWhy donât you just hire someone?â Alex countered. âTheyâll come through with their leaf blowers and big tarps and have the whole yard spotless in like an hour.â She shoved her hands into her pockets as a nippy wind blew right through the curtain of her hair, no protection at all. At least she had a hat but she should have bought a scarf. Baba was tougher against the cold than she was, clearly, but looked cute and serious about his walk with his matching sweatsuit and the Packers hat with a bright pompom on the top.Â
But Baba made a face, âNo, I donât want every leaf gone. Where will the bees and butterflies sleep in the winter? They need some of the leaves, I read it.â
âUh huh.â
âAnd to have a yard⊠itâs my yard, itâs my job. It is a blessing to have a yard you can break your back working in.â
âDonât break your back, Baba! Itâs a blessing to have money to pay someone else to do it.â
âI wonât break my back, Iâm not that old,â he teased. âI was being dramatic. I learned it from my daughters.â
âSexist.â
Baba chuckled and continued, âBefore this house you know we lived in a little apartment. My whole life I lived in little apartments. When we bought this house I felt like a millionaire to have so much space! I watched you three grow up in this yard with your soccer balls and your,â he gestured his hands turning over, âsomersaults and your snowsuits. I take care of the yard with my own hands and say thank you to the house for all it gives us.â
âYeah but isnât hiring yard guys like sending the house to a fancy spa?â Alex countered which made him laugh again. Babaâs laughter was healing, always. To make him laugh again, she asked, âWhy do you like the Packers, Baba? We donât live in Green Bay. I donât even know where Green Bay is.â
âMichigan. Didnât I send you to school?â
âYeah but I didnât pay attention,â she joked.
âYou paid attention. Only one of my children paid attention in school,â he chuckled. âBut itâs ok.â
âIs it? Even though none of your children are lawyers or doctors or even married with children?â
Babaâs face went a little slack as he asked, âDid I teach you thatâs what I want? I want my children to be happy. If being a lawyer with a lot of money is happy, thatâs one way. If thatâs making the best drinks at the Starbucks and dating a nice man, thatâs good too. If thatâs riding around on a bike with the ladies in Italyâ yes, I know what your brother is doing there! I am old, Iâm not a fool!âÂ
âHe is very happy though,â Alex snickered.
âThe world is very different to me. I think it is easy as a parentâ you want the best things for your children. You think the best thing for them is the same best thing for you,â Baba said and Alex kept quiet because this felt far more profound and meaningful than what she had expected on a walk. Usually they just roasted the neighborsâ ugly ass dogs and heckled any cats peeking out of windows and fantasized about what they wanted Mama to cook for dinner.
âVery long ago I realized I can want one thing for them or I can let my children tell me what they want. Maybe I worry that they are choosing something that isnât what is the best thing for them, but is my choice better? Maybe it is better here, you have more money, you have insurance and you can buy a house, but is it better over there? Are you happy? Maybe my children will resent me in old age because we did not push more this way or that. Itâs nice to do this though. My parents did not act like this for me. I know they loved me but I did not go on walks with them because I wanted to.â He smiled at her, and his roundabout way of saying how much he enjoyed their walks together made her tear up a little.
âI think you did everything really good,â Alex insisted. âAnd I really appreciate that you let me move back home. I know itâs a burden to be feeding me andââ
âMy children are never a burden,â Baba corrected. âSo say the same thing when I am old and feeble.â Alex laughed and nodded. âWe worked very hard all the time to make a home our children can return to. You know in China, sometimes you live together as a family forever. I think thatâs nice! Hoseok can move in too!â
âUm⊠probably not,â she giggled.
âOk⊠maybe someday,â he winked. âI think we are happy.â
âYeah.â
âAlso none of my children had the grades for medical school.â
âBaba!â
âCan you see anyone doing the bar test for law? Not me! Do not try to climb a mountain that is not for you to climb, thatâs the secret to happy,â Baba laughed, loud and proud of his teasing.Â
âBut what if itâs not always obvious what the right mountain to climb is,â Alex demanded. âThen what?â
âAh.â
âYouâre an old man, itâs easy for you to look back at all the mountains you climbed and say which ones were right and which you should have skipped, but Iâm young and stupid, Baba. if you know the mountains to climb to be happy, Iâm ready for you to tell me now.â
âYou are not happy?â He didnât look at her when he said it, so it didnât feel like a real question. It felt like one he already knew the answer to.
âI am.â
âOk then.â
âAnd Iâm also not.â
He nodded and looked over when a neighborâs dog barked but didnât interrupt to point out theyâd given the dog a very stupid haircut. Alex would have appreciated the distraction because honestly she wasnât sure what to say about her personal unsettled state. She couldnât even speak honestly with herself about anything right now, she thought that was a core problem. And as much as she loved her parents, she didnât usually go to them with personal problems of this sort. Not that sheâd had many boy problems in the past. But that wasnât the sort of thing you talked to your Dad about!Â
âI should be happy,â she said, vaguely. âLiterally everything is going so well for me right now. Iâm saving up money living at home. I have a great boyfriend and I'm going to meet his family in a couple of days. I love my job and I just got a small raise.â
âYou did! Alex, I am so proud of you, they donât pay you enough, you are the best worker they have,â he gloated, clapping her on the shoulder.
âOk I mean it was like another quarter an hour, but thanks, Baba.â
âAnd you do not feel happy? Thatâs ok. Maybe it is hard to go home when you live free and partied for years.â
Alexâs mouth twitched as she debated what to say, then decided, âItâs definitely different. Not that I was partying all the time! But itâs kind of weird figuring out how to act because Iâm under your roof but Iâm also a grown up⊠but itâs not even really that. I mean I do miss living with Jungkook. A lot. We had a lot of fun living together butâŠâ
âSometimes things change,â Baba offered when she trailed off.Â
âYeah. Things changed. I met this amazing guy and Hoseok is just great and dating him is easy and wonderful. I feel like Iâm moving forward in life. But sometimes things donât change, or people donât changeâ or how do you know theyâve changed just because they say so? Do you trust your experience or what theyâre saying?â
Baba raised his eyebrows like this was a question above his pay grade. She realized she was being too vague to probably get any useful advice, if Baba even had any to give. Mama had been his first and only love as far as Alex knew. Theyâre married young and while she didnât have any delusion that life had always been easy for them, they were still happy and together after all this time, close, romantic, supportive. Best friends. So clearly they had chosen the right mountain to climb. Or the right person to climb the mountain with. Or whatever.
She sighed and decided not to say anything more. It would just be weird and confusing even if she could figure out how to articulate it. But how could she explain the feelings to Baba when she didnât even understand them herself?
No. Worse than that.Â
She did understand them.
She just didnât want to.Â
She didnât want to look at how fucked up it was that sheâd been ready to tear her boyfriend to shreds because she had wanted to spend time with her ex-best friend so badly. That in fact sheâd lied about it.
She didnât want to look at the red flag planted in how fast her heart had raced when sheâd seen Jungkook stand up from that curb, still waiting for her. And how instantly sheâd been soothed by his arms around her. And how blissfully content she had been idly knocking a puck back and forth with him in an empty arcade. She didnât want to think about how she always hoped she and Baba would run into him visiting his parents and what it meant to want his attention so badly ânot just as a victory that finally he realized she was a women just like all the other ones he fucked, but because she, pathetically, wanted his attention just as much as they did. The same kind of attention and more. Because she wanted all the other things with him too: the closeness, the grossness, the teasing and bickering and competing, the comfort. Life with him had been so close to perfect except for that whole part where he had no romantic or sexual interest in her. She wanted romantic and sexual interestâ no, she needed that! She deserved that! And Hoseok gave her that! How could she truly tell if Jungkook suddenly said he did have those feelings? It wasn't like heâd been secretly thinking dirty thoughts about her all these years theyâd been friends, she would have known! Â
She didnât want to admit how badly she wished it was true. All of Jungkook? She could have all of him? She could be everything for him? He wanted that? It was hard to imagine and yet she had worked hard not to imagine it many times before. At times it had been a real struggle to enforce that friendship boundary and not read too much into every little interaction but over time sheâd gotten so good at rejecting that longing that it finally shut up. All the women he fucked had made it easier in some ways. It was easier to box up the longing when constantly reminded that it was a dead end. You were never an option.
And now what? Jungkook was many things, but heâd never been a liar, not to her. Sheâd always known when he was lying. It didnât feel to her like he had been lying. Even if he was dating Anita now, which she had been too chicken shit to ask for confirmation from him or any of their friends, even if that was true, it didnât mean he was lying. People dated someone even when someone else had their heart all the time.Â
It could happen to anyone.
But it couldnât be true.Â
But he had risked and lost everything, he wouldnât have done that if he meant it. Unless he really didnât care about her at all!Â
But Jungokok moved quickly from loss to victory; he wouldnât linger at the site of a failure for no reason.Â
But he had dragged that air hockey game out too. He was lingering. Wasnât he? She had tried not to linger. She never wanted to linger in her life over a guy who didnât linger back; sheâd made that rule for herself very young while watching her friends lose their fucking heads over idiot boys. She wouldnât be one of them! And Jungkook was such an idiot boy!
God, he was so stupid. His timing was so bad. If he had said these things to her six months ago, then what? Would she have believed him then�
But it hadnât been true!Â
It was too much to look at. She couldnât. Looking at that was like looking at the sun; she was perpetually drawn to it and yet it burned her eyes so she should not.Â
What if when she had asked him to go to the wedding with her, he had said yes?Â
But he hadnât! He had said an emphatic no! He had launched her into someone elseâs arms and then suddenly regretted it? It was possible but fucked up! So stupid! And then what, he expected her to just drop her happiness because he changed his band? Heâd said go find someone else and then no wait not like that!Â
Ok that really did seem like something stupid Jungkook would doâŠ
The timing didnât matter. Maybe the timing was the gift of all this, that she had not had to make this decision before she understood that someone else wonderful was out there who could recognize her and love her much faster, who didnât make her work for his attention, who presented a clear and stable and happy future. Hoseok was a man! Jungkook was a child! They had been children together and now she wanted to grow up andâ
But maybe he wanted to grow up with her too? Maybe he would? He was changing too. Sheâd felt that at the arcade. Sheâd felt that at the phone store. Honestly, she felt it in the way he hadnât been texting her, harassing her to come back, drunk-dialing her, going out of his way to make sure she knew he was still getting mad pussy. When she moved out, heâd given her that shockingly mature speech, and dinner, and left her alone. He had changed.
But was it permanent? Was it enough? Was it what was best for her?Â
âYou are very quiet,â Baba mused. âAre you tired already?â
âItâs just that thereâs a cozy and familiar mountain that I care about a lot but I understood a long time ago it didnât have a path for me,â Alex said. âAnd maybe that mountain doesnât go anywhere anyway. It may not even be a very tall mountain, I donât know! And this other mountain is perfect, itâs paradise, the path is easy and wonderful. But now maybe that other mountain does have a path⊠but I donât know what that path is like and Iâm already on a really nice easy happy pathâŠâ
Baba didnât say anything. Probably this didnât even make sense to him. Metaphors werenât her strong point and this was an awkward thing to talk to your dad about.
âBut I canât stop looking back at the other mountain,â she murmured. âAnd wondering where that path goes⊠But it would be so stupid to leave this perfect, beautiful, wonderful adult mountain for a mountain that didnât even think of letting me climb until I was on another mountain.â
She interrupted herself with a sigh and decided to stop rambling about this to her dad who likely did not want to think about his daughters having boy problems to begin with, much less climbing boy mountains.
Shortly after her father gave a similar sigh, âAh, I want the easy life for my children. Didnât you listen to my nice speech? I was a good father saying all those things! I told you easy is not necessarily happy. You can choose which you want. Only you choose the right mountain for you. It doesnât matter what anyone else thinks looking at the mountains. You think your mama is Mount Tai? No. But to me she is the only mountain worth the climb.â
âSo you do know Iâm talking about boys.â
âI know you are talking about the boys.â
âI had hoped my metaphor was confusing enough.â
âYes itâs confusing but I know your mind sometimes,â he teased.
âSo then tell me what to do.â
âHmâŠ. no.â He grinned.
âBabaaaa.â
âAsk Mama, she will tell you what to do.â
âI donât really want someone to tell me what to do,â she admitted. âI just want to see into the future. I want to know for sure how it all turns out.â
âYes, itâs easy to take the risk if you already know everything!â he laughed.
âThereâs risk no matter what I do,â she complained. âNo matter what I do, I lose something.â
Baba nodded, âYes that is true. You lose this, you gain that.â
âBut how do I decide which risk is worth it? I could risk everything and wind up with nothing,â she pointed out. There wasnât actually any guarantee she and Hoseok would last a lifetime. Just like there was no certainty that Jungkook really meant what he thought he meant.Â
âYou will always have something,â he corrected gently. âYou have me and Mama. You have your brother and sister. You have a home you can come to. If no mountains you see right now are right, you can walk with me until you see a mountain that is. Maybe you donât even like mountains.â
âBaba! Do you mean Iâm gay?!â
âNo no! I mean maybe you want to die alone!â
âBaba!â
âIn a happy way!â
âBABA!â
She was laughing too hard the more flustered he got trying to explain himself. It was hysterical. Finally he calmed down enough to clarify,
âYou donât need a boy, Alex. Boys are too much trouble. Even your brother is trouble. Itâs ok to live at home forever, I donât mind.â
âThank you, Baba. But I hope I donât die alone. I want what you and Mama have.â
âReally? You think we are cool?â
âNot at all,â she teased. âBut youâre happy and in love even though youâve been together for a hundred years.â
âYes,â he grinned. His face always lit up when he talked about her mom. The words didnât even matter, they were always infused with so much love. She wanted that. A lifetime of that. One of these trouble boys had treated her that same way since the moment they met. The answer was so obvious!
Hoseok!
And yet.
Would it just take time for that âand yetâ to settle down and for her to accept the mountain was behind her and the path likely unstable and possibly not very long and also probably full of stinging nettles and bears and vultures andâ
Ok she might have lost the metaphor now.
Suddenly Baba laughed and pointed, âLook at those ugly twins, all they do is yap. Why do you get those dogs?â
âBaba, youâre so mean,â she laughed. âYou should get a dog!â
âNot like that one!â
âOk what kind of dog do you want. Letâs talk about that now. Dogs are better than mountains.â
âDogs are better than mountains,â Baba agreed. âI want a big dog. Big. He can sit in the window and scare people away. Mama will say noâŠâÂ
It was pure coincidence he saw them leaving. He had agreed to help Appa with the leaves in their yard since another layer had fallen on top of the ones heâd already mulched. Jin-hyun had declined to help since Claudia was now a week overdue. The baby was getting evicted on Friday âwhether he likes it or notâ apparently. Because of that, theyâd all decided not to drive to visit his grandparents and the rest of his family this year and would just crash the celebration the Songs hosted. Alexâs parents invited basically anyone who looked unattached to a big pot luck and it was lots of fun. The couple of years his family joined instead of traveling, heâd thought it was more fun than his own familyâs celebration; they didnât really âcelebrateâ so much as take advantage of the time off from work to get together and hang out, which was fine but not quite as cinematic.
As he raked leaves into a pile to bag, Hoseokâs nice blue car drove past with Alex in the passengerâs seat. He waved but they must not have seen him and they continued on.Â
When he and Appa finally went inside to take a break, Eomma had cool water waiting for him in the kitchen and a tray of snacks. Appa took his and went to sit in the living room but Jungkook lingered in the kitchen to see if his mom would volunteer any gossip.
She never disappointed.
âHow is the yardwork going?â
âItâs good. Weâre almost done I think.â
âGood, when youâre done with that you should go see if Mr. Song wants any help. He still needs to do his yard before the party Thursday.â
âWhat, Alex isnât helping him?â he joked.
âNo she canât I guess. Sheâs flying away today.â
âWha? Flying?â
âYes, Hoseok is taking her home with him. His family is in⊠hmâŠâ
âSan Francisco.â
âYes, San Francisco.â
He sipped his water and tried to look like he didnât care.
So Hoseok was taking her home? Sheâd bought a plane ticket to go. Things must be going well for them then. He wondered if Hoseok had paid for her ticket. She must be excited to do that; sheâd always wanted to go to San Francisco.Â
âYes? Do you feel fine about that?â Eomma asked. âYou forgot to stop drinking. Donât choke on the ice!â
 Jungkook gave a noisy satisfied sound like heâd just been really thirsty and set the glass down, âYes, thanks Eomma. Thatâs some good water.â
âGukka?â
âEomma?â
âEverything is all right?â
âYes, why? What do you mean?â
Eomma shrugged and went back to shaving the potatoes. He thought she was making kimchi pancakes for dinner and felt happy about that. Those were all the feelings he needed.
So she hadnât felt any particular way then about the arcade. Heâd imagined that connection. Or it was just friendly to her. Or it was really nothing.Â
âI may just stay home with Namjoon on Thursday, so donât say Iâm going to the dinner,â he decided.
âYou donât go just because Alex wonât be there?â
âWhy does that matter? She has a boyfriend.â
Eommaâs eyebrows raised, âOh you only want to see her when she doesnât have a boyfriend? Are you still jealous to share her attention?â The casual teasing was a little too pointed for his comfort.
âNah, itâs fine.â
âWhat happened then? She moved home, her parents say they donât know why. I donât know why. You and Alex arenât saying anything so I guess itâs something serious.â
Jungkook frowned, âNo, donât ask questions about it.â
âThen why did she move home?â
âOur lease was up.â
âGukka,â she scowled, then lifted her hand and pressed it to his cheek, holding him in place while she looked at him. He hated the scrutiny of her stare but could never leave when she did that. âAh. I see.â
âWhat do you see?â he glared and crossed his arms and leaned against the counter after stealing a carrot. He didnât actually want the carrot but he wanted something in his hand, something between his teeth.
âYou realized you love her too late.â
âDamn.â
âHa, yes?â
He sighed and nodded and chewed the carrot with all the strength of his jaw.
âA mother always knows these things,â she said.Â
âYou could have told me.â
âI tried! But you never want to listen to your eomma, either one of you! You have a big heart and a big brain, Gukka, but they never work together. Iâm glad to hear this though. Itâs good; sheâs a good girl. Sheâs good for you. If I was going to choose your wife, I would choose her.â
âReally?â Jungkook asked around the masticated carrot. It was all he could choke out, and choke he did, because the reference to marriage was something he hadnât been prepared for.
âYes! Smart, funny, beautiful, she takes care of you, she makes you slow down, sometimes you even listen to her! Sheâs stubborn though, that is her flaw.â
âYeah, she is that,â Jungkook chuckled.Â
âBoth of you! So headstrong, so sure youâre right. You can take the punches with each other but I always wondered, which of them will say something first? Too much pride, egoâŠâ
âSay something aboutâŠâ
âLove. But then years went by and you were both too comfortable. Nobody was going to say it. Something had to change or you two would be like that forever and maybe thatâs ok but maybe it wasnât enough.â
âIt was enough for me,â he insisted. âI would have been happyââ
âIt wasnât enough. It wasnât enough for her and it wasnât enough for you. All the women you chase, GukkaâŠâ
âEomma! What do you know about that,â he scowled.
âYes, a mother knows! My son is popular, thatâs good but itâs not enough.â
âIt had to be enough. Sheâs not interested in more than that with me, so, fine. Thatâs all. Thatâs why she moved out, because I told her how I felt and let her choose and she chose the other guy.â He clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head. He would have felt less defeated by this conversation a day ago, but the knowledge she was off to see Hoseokâs family dragged him down. He felt what little hope had flickered to life now snuffed out.Â
âYou know what I think?â she asked.
He didnât want to hear it actually but wouldnât be rude and pressed, âWhat?â
âI think you are impatient. You took so long to figure it out? Now you have to be patient. You love a stubborn woman and she has to realize you are the best man she could have.â
âIf thatâs true,â he mumbled.
âIt is true.â Eomma set everything down and he knew he was in for it. âYou are smart, you are funny, you are kind. You make everyone smile, all the way back when you were a little boy. You are good at everything you try, it was very hard on your brother! You work hard, you try to help everyone. You are such a good son, you come here and help your father with the leaves. You are strong and handsome and you have good hair and good skin now, you will age well like your father.â
âThanks, Eomma,â he said, trying to let the compliments brush off him because they embarrassed him. She was his mom, of course she saw the best in him. But he was selfish too, short-sighted, overly competitive, blunt when he should be soft, soft when he should be strong. He took jokes too far and struggled to be serious about things he didnât care about, especially if caring about it inconvenienced him. He worked hard but then he was lazy. He was thoughtful until he forgot stuff. She was right that he was stubborn and impatient. He was good at lots of things but not great at anything and he wasnât sure that working at a phone store was that impressive although he made ok money and was a good employee. He was dedicated to his hobbies, though good luck finding a girl impressed with his gaming skills. Although Alex was.Â
âYou are a good man,â Eomma said, taking hold of his arms. âI raised the best men with the best hearts and the best minds. Alex knows you are the best but itâs hard for a girl when the boy they like doesnât notice them. You have to give her time to decide if she can forgive you.â
âI wonât hold my breath. Hoseok is everything she wants so I think sheâs good now,â he shrugged her off, then decided to hug her instead, âBut thanks, Eomma.â
âHoseok is a nice boy but he is not you so, we will see. I know what I think will happen but ok, you donât want to listen to me. Tell Appa dinner will be ready at six. He already knows, but tell him anyway. Sometimes you have to be like that with people.â
Jungkook took the hint but knew also that it was too late. He was fucking bummed now. Even his own mom knew he was an idiot, and while her blind devotion was sweet, it didnât change the painful words heâd just said out loud: Hoseok was everything Alex wanted and he didnât need to be forgiven for anything. Apparently she was happier with the changes sheâd made for him, and good for her. He was glad she was happy. He would have been gladder if it was with him. But it wasnât.
Ok. Time to let her go now? Wait a little longer? How long? Rebound? Fuck around? Find out? Maybe he ought to shock everyone and actually give dating a try. He didnât believe for a second there was another Alex out there, she was one in seven billion, but there must be a second banana somewhere, right? Was he ready for that? He wasnât so sure. He thought Alex was the only woman worth the effort of a relationship, but maybe he should try. Maybe heâd just aimed too high with Alex. Maybe this heartbreak was the thing that changed him into a better person.
Was he doing an ok job seeming like he was ok? Was he hiding that the loss of Alex ripped him apart right down to the core? He felt like heâd overslept and missed the flight that would take him to a happy life and now he was stuck with this one. And without Alex, it was lonely, sad, and lacking in purpose. He felt like he was slowly bleeding to death.Â
And people did this over and over? Lots of relationships? Insane. People were insane. Or maybe people just didnât connect as deeply as he had with Alex. Theyâd fused together. Sheâd taken half his blood, half his oxygen, half his heart, and more than her half of the braincell they shared. Unfair!
Jokes. Jokes were all he had right now. Jungkook was the biggest joke of all.
He went to finish the leaves and then go see if Baba Song needed help with his before he went home to listen to sad songs and have a little cry.
â... please close tray tables and return your seats to their upright positionâŠâ
Alex pushed the button but had to tug the back of her seat to get it upright. Her actions were too sharp; she must have seemed frustrated because Hoseok laughed and helped her while shoving the magazine heâd been reading back in the seat pocket. He was the kind of guy who did that ânot perusing through Sky Mall, which was the kinda guy Alex was, but buying magazines in the airport he could perch in his seat and flip through, commenting on skincare products and bag adverts and showing her salacious write-in advice columnists.
Alex felt sick. Sheâd felt sick the whole flight. Hoseok had asked if she got air sick and delicately passed a barf bag to her, but it wasnât that. Sheâd wrestled to get the air vent to nail her in the head with a stream of arctic air but then it kept rustling her hair which made her want to scream so she had to move it off and just sweat.
Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong this was wrong.
Hoseok grinned and learned around her to see out the window as the plane began its descent and pressed his hand over hers on the arm rest between them. It felt like a metal claw to her, trapping her there. Handcuffing her in place. The flimsy plane seatbelt felt like an iron chain. She closed her eyes as the adjustment in altitude made her head spin, and wished that was all that was making her stomach twist in knots. She wished she got air sick.
They were near the back of the plane because theyâd bought their tickets late. The wait to deplane was excruciating. Alex couldnât even fidget looking at her phone. Her palms were so sweaty and when Hoseok took her hand, she flinched. He must feel the clamminess but he didnât pull away because of course he didnât. He was such a fucking great guy. Heâd hold your hand even when you were sick and sweaty.
Alas, he was the sort of guy who called his parents to loudly let them know theyâd landed even though they were still on the plane, but sure, he had to have some flaws. She wasnât sure which annoyed her more, that heâd made the call, or that he sounded so cheerful and excited. Of course he was! He hadnât been home for Thanksgiving in years, heâd told her. It hadnât seemed worth the cost of the flight when he could go home for Christmastime instead, so usually he just worked. He had intended to do that too. But then, despite her laughable earlier fears that he might put his career above all, he had placed her first and decided to take the time off so he could take her home and introduce her to his family. A girlâs dream come true!
Finally the aisle cleared enough and they could get their things out of the overhead compartment. She pulled her bag too hard and it landed on her face, which seemed exactly right.
âWait, let me help,â Hoseok laughed. âThereâs no rush, weâre at the end! Let me help you, baby.â
Alexâs toes curled in her sneakers.Â
He followed behind her up the aisle and off the plane. She awkwardly thanked the pilot while Hoseok had a more cheerful greeting, like he and the pilot and attendants were old friends and it had been so good to see them again. The skybridge was deliciously cold and Alex lifted her hair off her neck and decided to bun it up after all. She had wanted to leave it down and look more dignified while meeting Hoseokâs parents, who would be picking them up from baggage claim, butâŠ
âHey I need to use the toilet,â she said, stumbling over the words in a way that probably made her sound like she was having a medical episode. She didnât even wait for Hoseokâs confirmation, just made a beeline for the nearest restroom and locked herself in a stall so she could breathe. She did in fact need to piss because sheâd chugged ginger ale on the plane and refused to use the plane toilet and it really felt like her bladder was going to erupt. But it had served as a distraction so she had appreciated the pain. Couldnât meet his parents if she pissed herself, right?
A distraction fromâŠ
Alex closed her eyes and swallowed, trying to ground herself in this pleasant, peaceful location of the airport restroom. Banging seats, swinging doors, the loudest flushes known to man kind, jetway engine hand dryers, kids yelling for their moms, it wrapped around her and made her want to scream.
And yet nothing could drown out what was actually going on in her head:
Alex was very far up the wrong mountain.
Alex was going to meet the family of a man whom she adored, but who was not and would never be first in her heart because her heart was stupid.
Alex did not want to be here. It was wrong that she was here. Because Hoseok deserved to be someoneâs everything and she wanted so badly for him to be her everything because he was wonderful! Just perfect enough to be actually perfect!
And yet when they had driven past Jungkookâs parentâs house and he waved at them from where he was raking leaves in the yards, Alex just felt that squidgy feeling down deep that told her she was going the wrong direction. That feeling had not quieted down as theyâd checked in, or boarded their flight, or settled down in their seats. What should have been stressful and exciting in a good way was dreadful because Alex knew what was wrong, and denying it only made it louder and more certain in her mind.
Alex was stupidly, annoyingly, undeniably in love with her asshole ex-best friend.
FUCK.Â
The timing was terrible.
She could not stay in a relationship with Hoseok. It wasnât fair to him, it wasnât fair to her, it was making her someone she didnât want to be. Not when her feelings for Jungkook were driving her to lie. Not when moving out and moving on didnât remove Jungkook even a little bit from her thoughts. Not when seeing him gave her that rush that seeing Hoseok should have but no longer did. Not when the thought of seeing Jungkook flooded her with warmth and joy and comfort. And terror. And relief. It wasnât even just about Hoseok deserving to be with someone better than she could be for him, it was about what she wanted too.
What she wanted was Jungkook.
Objectively the worse choice! Which made her want to laugh and slam her head against the bathroom stall wall. He was dumb and messy and selfish and gross and lazy and hardworking and funny and warm and sincere and reliable when it mattered and he was hers. He was supposed to be! And if he had finally realized that and she didnât give it at least a try⊠even if it cost her Hoseok⊠sheâd never forgive herself. Sheâd always wonder if she could have truly had what she wanted. And if it all went to shit, at least she would know she tried. Â
She couldnât stay with Hoseok.
How long had she known this? She didnât even know! At any point in the last few weeks she should have stopped this. Why hadnât she? Because she wanted ot want this more, Hoseok was so kind and wonderful and good and loving him was easy but it wasnât the thing she wanted most.
She never should have gotten on that plane.Â
But she had and she was here and the panic of being on a ride she couldnât get off of was making her queasy. Sheâd gone too far the wrong direction. This was wrong! She was drowning! And it was going to keep getting worse if she didnât do something. Things were going to be really bad for a while but then there might be Jungkook. Or she could keep doing this and there would never be Jungkook again, and that sounded so much worse.
That thought gave her some comfort. Some strength. It might feel terrible and shitty and too late but maybe, maybe he would be there waiting for her again.
She walked out of the stall because things had quieted down and looked at herself in the mirror. The way she saw it she had several choices. And they all sucked balls. And they were all going to be terrible. There was no good path here.
Option One. She could push through Thanksgiving with Hobiâs family and pretend to be happy and in love and charm his family but secretly feel like a monster and then break up with him in the near future.
Option Two. She could lie and say there was a family emergency she needed to turn around immediately and go home for. She did not think Hoseok would believe this and also sheâd probably go to hell forever for lying to a great guy again.
Option Three. She could break up with Hoseok right now and send him heartbroken to meet his parents alone while she went to book a flight back home.
âOh god,â she murmured and leaned heavily against the sink, feeling like she was going to be sick. There was no way out of it though. His parents were waiting in baggage claim! She literally had to decide this moment âno, not decide, because the decision was already made. There was peace in that decision. Somewhere deep beneath all the bullshit she was about to nosedive into.
The timing was so bad. It was so bad! And sheâd done this to herself by dragging her feet and not wanting to look at the truth. Even if things with Jungkook crashed in flames, even if heâd changed his mind, she wasnât willing to lie to Hoseok anymore. She wasnât ready to settle for second in her heart yet. She understood people could do that! Make do and push through and never regret it. Who could regret a life with Hoseok?
But this didnât feel right to her. This wasnât what Alex wanted.Â
She splashed water on her face and wrists to cool down, then drew a deep breath and walked out.
Hoseok had grown bored waiting for her and sat in an empty row of chairs at the nearest gate. He was on his phone but hung up when he saw her and jumped up.
âGreat! My mom and dad are here now, theyâre at the baggage carouselââ
âHobi, we need to talk.â
âHm? Ah,â he grinned and tried to wrap his arm around her shoulder, âAre you nervous? Donât be, theyâre going toââ
âWe need to talk right now, please?â
âUh⊠right now?â
She bit her lips and settled down in the chair, needing their height to be more equal. He slowly sat as well, looking confused as shit, which was awful.
âHobi.â Shit. Shit shit shit she did not know what to say. âUmâŠâ She wished Hoseok would just figure out what she was hinting at. He did not. âIâm sorry,â she said. âI realize this is crazy, and terrible timing, and Iâm really sorry. But I canât meet your family. I want to break up.â
âWha?â The word didnât even totally register. His eyes got really big, mouth opening into a circle. That made her feel so much worse, that he wasnât just like oh I kind of saw this coming. She could see it there on his face: he had truly believed her every time she had insisted she was all in on this. She had meant it! Until she didnât.
âIâm so sorry,â she said. Donât cry donât cry this isnât your turn to cry. âI was so stupid to get on the plane but I just didnât know how to stop. I didnât want to hurt you and I love you, I really do.â
âThen⊠what⊠butâ Alex, are you just scared? This was too soon to meet my family? Itâs ok! Theyâll love youââ
âNo, Hobi, itâs not that. Iâm sure your family is wonderful and I am so stupid that Iâ Iâm so sorry. I really thoughtâ it has nothing to do with you. You are wonderful, you are the perfect boyfriend and you have been amazing every minute of our relationship.â Oh my god what am I doing?! She wanted to scream at herself. How? How could she break up with this angel man whose attention she had yearned for?
âI donât understand then. Why now? Right now? I thought everything was goodââ
âIt was but⊠and Iâve been crazy about you, please donât think that was ever fake or insincere. ButâŠâ
He took several short breaths, nostrils flaring, and Alex knew if he started to cry sheâd be done for. A boarding call started nearby and that nearly tipped her over the edge. Sheâd completely forgotten they were in public. Everything in the world had faded away to the man she was dumping in a fucking airport because his family was waiting outside to meet her.
âBut⊠but Jungkook?â he guessed slowly, with a sniffle and a nod. She almost didnât even hear it beneath the boarding noise.
And she couldnât even fucking deny it. She expected him to start cursing her. She expected to have to listen to him trash them both, and call her a liar, and all sorts of things. She wouldnât stop him. She deserved it. Maybe it would be nice to hear him say those things right now.Â
âI wasnât cheating on you or anything,â she said. âWhen I said I was all in with you, I meant it. When I chose you, I meant it. I mean, youâre amazing. Youâre incredible.â
âOkâŠâ
She didnât know whether to keep talking or to stop. She wanted him to tell her it was ok and that he understood. She wanted him to say she had made the right decision. Or she wanted him to say something really shitty and terrible so she could hate him.Â
He just looked so sad and she felt the desperate urge to comfort him. She needed to! Her boyfriend was sad! She wanted to take his face and kiss that frown away, kiss that wrinkle between his brows. Take back whatever she did to make him sad. She was mean, she was so mean to break up with him! And right now! With his parents waiting outside to meet his terrible girlfriend!
âIâm so sorry, Hobi. Iâm so sorry Iâm hurting you.â
âYou have to do this right now? How longâ how long ago did you decide this?â he asked. âYou came with me and now suddenlyââ
âI wanted so badly to stay with you and I just have been lying to myself that I could forget him. I really wanted toâ youâre so amazing.â
âSo you came here knowingââ
âNo, no, I really wanted to do this with you and be your girlfriend andââ
âThen what changed? Suddenly, on the plane? Suddenly you were sitting beside me and decidedâŠâ
She bit back the sob lodged in her throat and murmured, âIâm sorry. But itâs⊠itâs the truth of me now and I canât pretend itâs not. You deserved better than this, Iâm sorry. Iâm so sorry, Hobi.â She reached for his hand but was not surprised he pulled it away. His face was so serious. It looked like he was just unhappy, bored, watching people walk quickly through the terminal to catch their flights. A loud family with lots of rolling bags went past. An old lady in a wheelchair. Hoseokâs phone rang and he just looked at it.
âIâm so sorry,â she said again, not sure what else to say.Â
âAre you sure you arenât going to regret this?â he asked with a crooked smile and the tears in his eyes broke her heart.
âNo,â she admitted. âI think I may always regret it in some ways. Youâre such a dreamboy, Hobi.â He gave a sad smile that she returned. A tear snuck away and she quickly flicked it away. If even he wasnât crying right now, she couldnât.Â
âBut not your dreamboy.â
âYou were. And then I justâŠâ
âDid I do something to make your feelings change orââ
âNo, Hobi. You really didnât. This is really really not your fault. And Iâm so sorry I didnât do this before getting on the plane. Iâm sorry, I made this so stupid⊠I know your family is waiting there to meet me andâ but I couldnât meet them and thenââ
âYeah,â he nodded. âI get it.â He shook his head and dabbed his eye with the back of his hand. âShit.â
âIâm so sorry, Hobiââ
âI know. I know Alex. But hey, you um, you have to do what your heart wants, right?â She knew he didnât mean that to hit as brutally as it did. She wished he meant it as mean as possible. She felt so awful. âWhat are you going to do?â
âSee about getting a flight home.â
âJust turn right around? You donât want to, umâŠâ He laughed, realizing he had nothing to suggest. She laughed too. They were on the verge of tears, both of them, and she thought how awful this felt, how wrong it felt to end a perfectly good relationship with a perfectly good guy. Why was she doing this? On the off chance Jungkook still wanted to be with her? Even though there were no guarantees he did, or that it would work, or that they would be compatible in a romantic way. Even though there was a perfectly wonderful man right here, offering kindly after sheâd just dumped him,
âOk, letâs go see about your flight.â
âNo, youâre not going back to?â
âNo, Iâll stay with my family. Maybe⊠um, I need to call themââ
âNo, just go to them,â she insisted. âIâll get my own flight.â
âAnd just leave you here in the airport? No wayââ
âYes way,â she said. âI appreciate that you are the kindest soul and of course youâd still want to take care of me after I did this and failed you butââ
âYou didnât fail me, Alex. You were a really good girlfriend. I really loved you.â
âOk donât say that,â she pleaded, laughing at her own tears baaaarely hanging on to her waterline. âOh god, Hobi, Iâm so fucking sorry.â She covered her mouth and he put a hand on her shoulder and she laughed, âYou donât need to comfort me!â
âAh, Iâm just⊠I wish this wasnât happening.â
She didnât know what to say. She couldnât say anything else or she was definitely going to start sobbing. She hated this.Â
Still, she tried, taking his hand, âI probably am going to regret this and miss you for the rest of my life and youâre allowed to tell me âI told you so.ââ
âIâll never say that.â
âEven though youâre thinking it right now.â
âMaybe,â he laughed again, and brushed at his eyes. âAh, Alex. I really thoughtâŠâ
âI did tooâŠâ
He nodded and stood up, then sat back down, âOk, but Iâll help you get your flightââ
âNo, Hobi. Please just go and be with your family and tell them I said they have the most wonderful son.â
âI canât just leave you.â
âYes, you can. Iâm a grown up and I can handle the consequences of my own bullshit. Iâll be ok. I think Iâll go cry in the bathroom for a little bit and then take care of it so just⊠Iâm so sorry, Hobi. You are a dream come true and I know you are going to get snatched up so fast my head will spin.â
âYouâre a tough act to follow.â
She wished that was true but didnât think so. Instead she stood to encourage him to do so, but when he pulled her into a hug, it was hard not to break down.
âText me that you have your flight, ok? That you get home ok. Promise?â
âFine, fine, I promise. Now go! Iâm sorry. Iâm so fucking sorry.â
He nodded, and turned away, nostrils flaring. She wondered if he would make it to his parents without crying, or if he had the sort of relationship with them where he would cry on their shoulders, or if heâd pretend to be ok in front of his family.Â
Alex fled back to the bathroom. She had to wait to go get her bag from baggage claim and then turn around to ticketing until she knew Hobi and his family were gone anyway. Gone without her, off to celebrate without her lying, betraying ass in the middle of them.Â
This felt wrong again. It felt wrong to hurt a perfectly wonderful man whom she adored. Why had she done this?! And heâd been such a gentleman about it! Of course he had, he was amazing! This had to be the wrong choice because if it was the right thing to do, why did it hurt so bad?Â
She sat on the edge of the toilet and quietly cried. She had hoped to feel instant relief, but she just kept thinking of Hoseokâs back walking away. Maybe she was only ever going to make the wrong decisions. Maybe she was going to regret this every bit as much as she had mourned the loss of Jungkook. Maybe she was the stupidest person to ever walk the earth! Hoseok probably hated her now and she respected him so much, that was devastating.Â
But she was right, right? She couldnât be with Hoseok and meet his family and pretend like this was her future when driving away from Jungkook raking leaves, all she had felt was deep and solid certainty in her heart: I belong there with him and I will never be truly happy without him.
Namjoon had caught him crying. He was pretty sure that was why a Friendsgiving suddenly materialized where no Friendsgiving had existed before. Suddenly there was a group text and dates were debated and Namjoon was offering up their place so Jungkook couldnât even get out of it. One minute Namjoon found Jungkook crying a little too hard at My Best Friendâs Wedding and exactly one day later Jungkook was wedged into the middle of the couch with twenty people cavorting around, offering him wine or bruschetta âor something a little stronger, if he felt like sitting in the backyard with Yoongi and Ash to smoke it. He didnât.
He wanted to welcome anything that could help him ease into chill right now but worried it would just make him cranky and antisocial. He had taken for granted that he and Alex never hosted things like this, but living with Namjoon taught him just how much they had inconvenienced him every time they took over his place to party. At least now he would be around to help clean up tomorrow, which might take a long time, because Jimin had dropped and shattered a bottle of red wine the second he walked into the kitchen and that was just the beginning of the night.
Jungkook had always been so good at parties before. But heâd always had Alex to retreat to when he wanted a break. At least this party wasnât as big and rowdy as they used to be, and it was all people he knew. He didnât feel like performing. The photo he posted to his instagram in the beginning of the party showed him in a blue cableknit sweater with his arms around Taehyung and Namjoon, eight people crammed into the frame, all smiling and happy.Â
The absence of Alex was like a hole in his chest.
He felt it like the twinge of a phantom limb every time he started to enjoy himself too much. His friends were funny, it was impossible to completely block out the laugh when Jimin and Taehyung started sword fighting with garlic sticks (which Taehyung had brought but not bothered to even thaw beforehand), or when Sabina teased Namjoon about the stacks of books he had everywhere (âare they decoration? Are these new? These arenât Jungkookâs. Do you actually read them or just collect them??), or when Inâam, after three glasses of wine and all the wedding stress, started doing impersonations of everyone that were uncanny. A bird flew into the house at one point âlike a whole ass bird from outside, where Yoongi and his fiance had gone with Ash to smokeâ and the chaos that ensued had Jungkook laughing so hard he nearly pissed his pants. He and Taehyung and Sabina managed to chase it back out using pillowcases as Yoongi shouted directions at them and Namjoon acted like a goalie trying to protect the statues he had on shelves in the dining room.Â
Alex should be here enjoying everything. Hoseok, much as Jungkook hated to admit it, fit in well too. And since Alex was so over Yoongi these days, it wouldnât be awkward that Jimin had invited him and Raquel. The greater friend group was healing and growing. Minxi couldnât make it but Jungkook hoped sheâd feel comfortable bringing May one of these days, even if he suspected Alex would have a hard time adjusting to her sister being around more. Anita made it and was busy asking Rebekah all kinds of nosy questions about the food sheâd brought for herself, as if sheâd never heard of kosher food restrictions before. Obviously Jungkook did because heâd looked them up before so he wouldnât look like an idiot. Ash and Gwen and Devi and Robert, a whole roster of friends connected to the core of them âto Jungkook and Taehyung and Jimin and Namjoon and Alex. Except Alex wasnât here. Even fucking Seychelle was here! And the sheer relief Jungkook felt to see sheâd been telling the truth that she and Namjoon were friendly but not familiar anymore gave him a few years of his life back. When heâd nudged Anita and asked if she was going to make a move, Anita had hissed at him shut up and donât fuck this up for me!
He flitted between the groups. Without Alex as an anchor or getting laid as a lure, it was easy to feel lost. He drank a little too quickly in the beginning too; it left him feeling like a silly little kid at a grown upâs party just poking his head in, trying to understand what everyone was talking about. But the buzz wore off and he didnât replace it and the party came into crisper detail around him.
âJungkook and I found these at a garage sale,â Namjoon explained to Yoongi, showing him the vinyl collection.
âHey how much longer does this turkey need to reheat, Lori?â
âIs someone at the door? Oh, itâs Tony!â Pizza, Jungkook muttered under his breath, even though heâd misheard and it was actually Stone, who he hadnât seen in months.
âShould we set the table? I brought more dishes.â
âSo then I told them if theyâre just going to do a round of layoffs, put me on the list! Iâll take the severance and get out, I fucking hate it there.â
âTaehyung was such a gentleman and my mother was so pleasant to meet him but afterwards she told me âI think he dresses too nice for you, you need to look nicer than your husband!â Were you wondering why I left home?â
âNo! Mothers can be so⊠You dress well! Thatâs unhinged to say.â
 âI got an estimate but my dental doesnât cover, so itâll be like $1700 out of pocket! Thatâs insane. They donât hurt yet so I think Iâm going to wait.â
âOh my god you really need to not wait. Go to the dental school, itâs a little cheaper there.â
Jungkook felt like the conversations rocked him steadily; was he imagining it, or did people keep touching his arm and shoulder as he passed. To comfort him? Had he suddenly gotten so pathetic? He wanted to believe everyone was just like that, and heâd been too busy in the past ricocheting around, drunk and playful and looking for someone to go home with, to slow down and enjoy it. Until sometimes towards the end of the night, when heâd flop around Alex and whine for her to take him home.
âFoodâs ready!â
The cheer went up and Jungkook happily jostled in between Jimin and Taehyung as they scrambled around the kitchen counters to pile up their plates with the assortment of foods everyone had brought. Since heâd bailed on the Songâs Thanksgiving dinner, the food tasted extra good, even the ones that were just reheated from other celebrations.Â
âWe need to get more chairs,â he told Namjoon as they all wedged themselves in around the dining room table and overflow into the living room and kitchen, perching wherever there was an available space to rest a plate.Â
âWe arenât usually all sitting down to eat at the same time,â Sabina pointed out. âIt wonât happen a lot.â
Namjoon considered this though and argued, âEveryone seems calmer when I have chairs to put your asses in. Maybe our other parties would be tamer if I have a collection of chairs I can drag in from the garage.â
âDo you want them tamer?â Taehyung challenged, leaning on the table.
âYes,â Namjoon answered easily.
âOoh ooh should we go around the table and say what weâre thankful forââ
âNoooo,â the suggestion was met with groans and complaints so the idea was dropped. Jungkook would have been embarrassed to answer anyway. Iâm thankful Namjoon let me move in with him. Iâm thankful I have so many friends who can get together for something like this.Â
âSome of you folks are really good cooks,â Raquel, Yoongiâs fiance, mused, which led to a dissection of every dish, who made it, what was store bought.Â
âThe funny thing Iâm thinking is, what if Alex is why weâre so loud? Sheâs the one whoâs not hereââ
âNo no donât put that on her, thereâs no way sheâs the instigator.â
âSheâs totally an instigator,â Jimin laughed. âAnd sheâs loud. Andââ He broke off and Jungkook lifted his beer to his mouth, afraid for confirmation that this party had really come together because he was such a sad sack.
âI think itâs fair to blame her,â Jungkook insisted loudly. âFor too long her true nature has been hidden from all of you. Her greatest talent is she gets everyone around her to be loud and they take the blame while she skitters away.â
âSkitters!â
Jungkook could feel the tension from a few of them âbut only a few of them. The rest seemed to take him joking about Alex at face value, same as it had always been. It made him glad if actually his failure and rejection were not truly common knowledge. Heâd try not to get so drunk he ruined that.
He would have liked to make more jokes. Talking about her recreated a little of the anchor he was missing without her, but conversation blasted past him and he didnât get the chance.Â
He kept looking for it though. When eating slowed, he was one of the first to leave the table to set up video games in the living room. That felt like it brought a little of her spirit too; sheâd be right there with him after a big meal, shoving him to try and throw him off his game if he pulled ahead of her.Â
Damnit, he really needed to stop thinking about her. It was pathetic at this point. Creepy. Why did he feel so much worse about it this week than he had before? He thought the rejection was supposed to get better over time but it seemed to be getting worse and he didnât get it.Â
He didnât feel like playing video games anymore. No one here could beat him anyways, though Taehyung came close. He left others to it and went in search of another group to bunker down with and found Namjoon and Yoongi back at the record player.      Â
âWhatâs up, buddy, how you doing?â Namjoon asked him when he drew close.
âDamn, am I that tragic?â he laughed, because even the way Namjoon held his hand out to beckon him closer seemed sad.
âHuh?â At least he seemed genuinely confused, face pinched in confusion before he just gestured, âCome on, dig through, what should we put on next?â
âHey, Namjoon? Where is the, uh, vacuum cleaner?â Jimin asked, leaning into the doorway. They hadnât heard anything spill or fall, but could see through to the kitchen where Inâam and Raquel both looked nervously down on something while Anita was unwinding paper towels.
âWhat nowâŠâ Namjoon grumbled and pushed up to go see what it was. Jungkook craned his neck to see if he ought to go help, but Namjoon hadnât asked him to, so he stayed put. Heâd been relieved to learn that Namjoon wasnât actually anal about cleaning after all except during a party, so he suspected Namjoon just got nervous people were going to ruin or break something important, which he could understand. Or expensive. Houses were expensive! So he got it. Especially now that he lived here and would need to help fix whatever it was.
âDid you pick this one out?â Yoongi asked, showing an album âthat in fact Jungkook had picked out: Florence and the Machine.Â
âYeah, why?â
âFigures,â Yoongi laughed.Â
âWhat does that mean? Real men know sheâs great.â
âYeah, I know. Great songwriting,â Yoongi agreed. âJust not what Namjoon has been in to lately.â Jungkook wondered suddenly if Yoongi knew Alex liked them. Was that why heâd asked about that album? It made him think of Alex.
âHey, did you just stop hanging out with most of us because of breaking up with Alex?â Jungkook asked because apparently his filter wasnât working today.
âUh. Yeah, in the beginning. Who wants to hang out with the girl who dumped them and her friends? But I had other friends anyway so it wasnât a big deal. I still stayed tight with Jimin and Namjoon and itâs no hard feelings now.â
âI know but you never came to the guy stuff she wouldnât have been at. You could have gone to shows or whatever with us even ifâ Wait, what did you say?â Jungkook belatedly caught. The girl who dumped themâŠ
But Yoongi was shaking his head, âYeah well I didnât want to be around you either.â
âUhâŠâ The inside of Jungkookâs brain ground to a halt. He made a face that apparently amused Yoongi.
âYeah, it was weird watching nothing happen from a distance.â
âWait, uhâŠâ Too many questions.Â
âYeah?â
âShe dumped you?!â The inside of Jungkookâs mind was blindingly bright right now at this revelation.
Yoongi grinned, âI know, Iâm a catch. Raquel thinks so at least.â
âNo but I thoughtâ she was so upset. I thought you dumped her.â
âDid she say that? Because that is definitely not what happened.â
âUh⊠I donât remember⊠but I thoughtâ she definitely made it seem like that. She definitely didnât tell me sheâs the one who ended it. So then why was she always so cagey? When we saw you at Jiminâs engagement partyâ before that sheâŠâ He was trying to connect the dots in his head but it wasnât working yet. âAnd what do you mean you didnât want to be around me? I mean, yeah, I thought you dumped her so I probably would have been a shitââ
âYeah you were a shit to me,â Yoongi snickered. âMakes more sense now to hear you thought I dumped her. At the time it was like what the fuck, why are you being shitty to me? It should be the other way!â
âWhy would it be the other way?!â
âYeah cause youâre the guy she dumped me for? And then she didnât even start dating you,â Yoongi snorted and shook his head, looking like this was something he had long ago made peace with but still felt a shadow of annoyance about.
But heâd just flipped the table on Jungkook. How could this be true? Had Alex said the words âYoongi dumped meâ or had he gotten it all wrong? He couldnât remember! But sheâd acted so upset⊠like when you got dumped, not when you did the dumping.
âThatâs not true,â he assured Yoongi. âShe didnât dump you forââ
Yoongi clearly thought this was funny and mused, âDamn, you guys really neverâ Jimin and Namjoon would tell me about it but itâs been amusing to see. Kinda sad I guess. I mean I am happy with Raquel and in the long run it was better, I met a great woman, so I say this without any malice: youâre both kinda stupid, right?â
âWe were just friends. And sure now itâs all gone to shit butâŠwe were definitely only friends then. If she dumped you, it didnât have anything to do with me.â
âShe told me âIâm really sorry you are great but I am in love with someone else.â SoâŠâ Yoongi gave him a look, then laughed and went back to trading the vinyl on the record player.
âWhat? No. She⊠she meant someone else? She wasnât in love with anyone. Probably she was just lying to try and make it easier. She was crazy about you. And really nervous so probably she just said that because she was too chickenshit to break up with you⊠but why would she break up with you?â
Yoongi snorted through his nose and suggested, âWhen women tell me something, I tend to believe them, especially when I kind of already knew so I wasnât really surprised.â
âI donât think it was true though. I think she was just making it up and now sheâs happy with her new boyfriend and⊠ah,â he sighed, no point in skirting around it. âI confessed to her but she stayed with her boyfriend. So you see? She didnât love me.â
âAh. Well, now you know, if she dumps him itâll be the second time she dumped a guy for you.â
Jungkook was dumbfounded. Yoongi just seemed so sure about this and Jungkook couldnât honestly remember if Alex had ever said Yoongi dumped her. But sheâd been so upset! ButâŠ
Ugh, he just wanted to ask Alex. Not that it mattered but⊠but if sheâd dumped her boyfriend for him⊠No, that couldnât be right! She never said anything to Jungkook about being in love with him âalways the opposite, she was always offended when people suggested it! And he just kept fucking whoever he likedâ but he would have stopped if she had given him any indication she was into him! She hadnât! He couldnât read her mind! If she had wanted to start something with him, if she had just said that, it would have changed everything. Maybe he didnât realize until a few months ago how much he loved her but if at any point Alex had seemed into him, he would have embraced that way earlier rather than just boxing it up as a not gonna happen and shoving it to the back of the closet.                                                                             Â
Jungkook sat there as the new album played and just sank into the shock that once again, he may have been so wrong. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Alex! And now, when he felt most separate from her, he realized he may never have known her as completely as he had thought. Heâd set her apart as not a conquest, not an option, and in doing so, made up his own truths about a whole part of her life.Â
And maybe really, really hurt her in the process.
Yoongi hadnât hurt her. Hoseok wasnât hurting her. Had he done it? Could it be true? Why hadnât they dated if she broke up with Yoongi for him⊠had she said something he missed? She must have thought there was hope if sheâd dumped her boyfriend! No, it made way more sense that she just did the Alex thing of lying when put on the spot. Sheâd told him her dog died when she and Yoongi broke up, after all, so there had definitely been a lot of lies flying around at that point.
But which was the lie: had she loved him or not?
He just wanted to ask her about it and finally hear her truth about everything. But he couldnât. She was off meeting her boyfriendâs family. What was he going to say about any of it now anyway? Sorry I didnât notice you were in love with me. But sheâd said she wasnât so. Many. times! Was it really so wrong heâd believed her?! Heâd been so nice comforting her after Yoongi dumped her, except apparently he was comforting her after she dumped her boyfriend? And never once while she was falling asleep on his chest watching a movie had she saidâ
That was just a normal friend thing though. Right? Snuggling didnât mean you were in love. Jungkook would gladly snuggle any of his friends. Alex just happened to be snugglier than the rest. The tits helped.
Damn, he wished Alex was here to help him make sense of things. He wished Alex was here because sheâd enjoy this low-key Thanksgiving party. He wished Alex was here because life was just better with her close. He wished Alex was here and if she was, heâd make sure to listen better this time, even to the things she didnât say.Â
He sighed deeply and, to vent his feelings, tried to joke, âWell, it doesnât matter now anyway. Too late. You should have told me, picked a fight or something.â
âIs it too late?â
âYeah, I tried.â
âMaybe you just need to suffer for a little bit,â Yoongi suggested. âShe clearly thought it was too late if she got a new boyfriend and then you came around, huh? I donât know. Not my concern anymore but thatâs funny she didnât even tell you she dumped me. I really resented you, you know! Alex was a sweet girlfriend.â
âSheâs a sweet girl,â Jungkook said, and resisted appending all the other things he would typically call her. Turtle, slug bug, shrimpy, skrunkle baby, Pop Tart, bed bug, gremlin, Snarflepuss when she was grumpy. Those were too intimate to be shared now.Â
âWell. I wish you luck. What do you think about this one? Namjoon said youâve got good music taste, letâs see what else we have in common.â
Alexâs legs ached. Sheâd collapsed on the bed backwards about twenty minutes ago and not yet found the motivation to move again. The mattress was cheap and the comforter was scratchy as shit. She kept throwing it on the ground after too many horror stories about how they never got washed but housekeeping kept putting it back on. She had no interest in warring with housekeeping, though it was a nice personal touch to her stay, evidence of life when otherwise this was the loneliest four days of her life.
But also not quite the worst! Well, right up there. But in some ways not so bad. Maybe not as bad as she deservedâŠ
Her phone lit up and it happened to be within reach so she grabbed it to look.
[Jiejieâ ïžđĄïž]: you are breaking mama and babaâs hearts
[Alex meimei]: fuck off
She didnât know what her sister had meant by that but was not in the mood for any more guilt piled onto her chest.Â
[Jiejieâ ïžđĄïž]: wow
[Jiejieâ ïžđĄïž]: whatâs up with you? Hobiâs family realize what a creature you are too fast?
Alex didnât answer. She didnât feel like joking with her sister right now. She needed to decide whether she was going to take a bath in the probably gross hotel tub (who was she kidding, she would) to see if that would help her shins. Was it possible to walk so much you broke your shins? She wanted a foot massage.
Hobi would have given her a foot massage.
Frowny face.
Her phone lit up again.
[Jiejieâ ïžđĄïž]: nothing?
[Jiejieâ ïžđĄïž]: hey everything ok for real?
It was unlike May to be âfor realâ in text and now Alex wondered what was going on that had made her sister text in the first place.
She didnât have to wait long because her phone lit up with an actual call. And while she didnât have to or want to answer it, she still did.
âYeah what?â she grumbled, realizing she sounded way grumpier than she actually felt.
âWhatâs going on with you? Howâs it going?â
âFine. Why are you calling me? Nothing happened at home did it?â
âNo. Thanksgiving happened, I donât know. Mama and Baba worked their asses off and it was nice, I guess.â
âHm,â Alex said, staring at the ceiling. âDid you bring your boyfriend home?â
âNo.â
âMama was hoping you would so maybe youâre the one who broke their hearts, not me.â
âYou broke their hearts because you arenât sending pictures,â May countered. âThey think youâve replaced them.â
âWell I havenât.â
The call went silent for a minute and Alex wondered again why she had answered. She was desperate for contact, that was it.Â
âHey so⊠you can say itâs stupid but I just got a big sister gut feeling something was up. Are you really ok? Thereâs nothing going on?â
Alex froze. The shock of this kindness and concern from May was almost as stunning as how deeply Alex felt it in her heart.
âOh.â
âOh? What does that mean?â May asked.
âI justâŠâ She sat up and looked out the window, but it was just lights dotting dark buildings and her own room reflected back to her. The room was spartan but the cheapest she could find that still gave her a private bath. âNo,â she admitted. âThings havenât been ok. I did something really stupid.â
âUh oh,â May said but did not sound surprised, Alex thought.Â
âNevermindââ
âNo, just tell me. What did you do?â
âYou can keep a secret?â
âYeah.â
Alex didnât know why she was telling May this. She and May had an antagonistic relationship at best. They didnât share secrets. Once they had been closer, and they werenât exactly enemies now, but May was kind of a bully so Alex bullied her back, and they didnât really do the heart to hearts or anything. So what made her do it now?
âIâm actually in a hotel,â she said.
âOh shit, what did youââ
âI broke up with Hobi.â
Dead silence on the line.
Then, âUh⊠why? What? When? ButâŠâ
âI knowâŠâ Alex sighed deeply.Â
âWhat did he do?â Mayâs voice sounded actually a little fierce.
âNothing,â Alex admitted. âAbsolutely nothing. Continued to be the wonderful guy he has always been. And I dumped him in the airport as soon as we landed while his parents were waiting to get us in baggage claim. Isnât that fucked up?â
âThis is⊠Iâm so confusedâŠ. UnlessâŠâ
âI was going to just fly homeâ isnât that so stupid? Like I flew all the way here and then broke up with him. But changing my flight was going to be crazy expensive so I got a cheap hotel room and Iâve just been wandering San Franciscoââ
âOh my god!â
âYeah.â
âThatâs⊠is that⊠are you having fun?â
âA little bit,â Alex laughed. âItâs a cool city! I saw the bridge and I went on a ferry tour and today I went to the zoo just by myself. I spent Thanksgiving Day in Chinatown and it was pretty cool. Iâm so fucking tired though, Iâve never walked this much in my life.â
âWow.â
âYeah.â
âSo you just⊠dumped him.â
Alex still felt the twinge of it in her chest, âYeah.â
âHowâs that feeling?â
âReally stupid,â Alex laughed. âWho does that? Who dumps someone like Hobi? Only a fucking idiot.â
âYeah, that sounds like you.â
âMay!â
May started laughing, âFuck, I canât believe this. You really flew all the way there and then what, he chewed too loudly on the plane or something? You were like no I canât stand this shit a moment longerââ
âNo!â
âI canât even make it through this week for this guy to save face in front of his familyââ
âI would have been just lying to everyone,â Alex argued.Â
âYou are fucking insane,â May cackled. âYou couldnât figure that out before you got on the fucking plane?! What the fuck is it with you two?â
âNothing anymore, we broke up.â
âNot you and Hobi, you and fucking Jungkook.â
âWhatâ what does he have to do with anything?â
Mayâs noise grumble made Alex feel uncomfortably exposed.
âIsnât he why you dumped Hobi? God I canât believe that is a true sentence I just saidââ
âHeâsâ no, Iâ what are you talking about? What do you know about anything?â
âI know so much. Way more than you.â
Alexâs stomach flipped. What did that mean?! But she hated her sister lording things over her; she didnât want to beg for information.
âIâm not in the mood for your bullshit,â Alex sighed. âSo whatever, have fun, Iâm going to go soakââ
âI know you moved out because he told you he loved you,â May rushed out.
âYeah well apparently heâs been blabbing that around.â
âSo? Is that why you dumped this perfect man?â
âI didnât say that. I justâ the relationship had run its course.â
âHave you talked to Jungkook?â
âNo, of course not. Why would I?â
âHave you talked to anyone? Or have you just been sulking alone in a hotel roomââ
âIâm not sulking! I told you all the things Iâve been doing! Actually this is the least sulking Iâve ever done about anything! I deserved to just hole up in the hotel room and binge junk food and watch TV but I didnât do that, I went out and tried to enjoy the city Iâm spending like a thousand dollarsâ oh god this trip is so expensive,â Alex groaned. âOver a thousand dollars to be alone for Thanksgiving.â
âSo you dumped Hobi for Jungkook but you didnât immediately call himââ
âI didnât say I dumped him for Jungkook!â Alex cried.
âOk ok. Are you going to call him though? Can I tell him? Heâs going to freak outââ
âNo,â Alex said bluntly. âDonât tell him any of my business. Donât talk to any of my friends or tell mom and dad. JustâŠÂ Iâm just still trying to figure it out myself.â
The silence that followed lasted long enough Alex figured May had gotten bored that she wouldnât rise to her taunts. But eventually May said instead,
âFine. You donât have to tell me anything and I wonât tell anyone either.â
âThank you.â
âBut Iâm just saying⊠heâs really going through it. So if you did break up with Hobi to date Jungkook, I would really appreciate it as your sister if I could be there to see his face when you tell himââ
âStop stop!â Alex cried. Because it was too much for her heart. She had intentionally not gone right to a hotel to call Jungkook. She didnât want to talk to him at all right now. Because she actually wasnât sure she was ready to just go jump right into Jungkookâs arms âas romantic and silly and giddy and terrifying as that sounded.Â
Would he be happy? Would he be really happy if she called Jungkook and told him she wanted to see him as soon as she landed, that sheâd broken up with Hobi, that she wanted to be with him? The idea he would be happy about that felt like a fever dream. Impossible. What if he was upset sheâd called his bluff? What if heâd already moved on? What if they tried and her fears that this was the wrong path came true? What if despite their intentions they couldnât get past the hurdle of friendship and he really couldnât feel romantic or sexual towards herâ
âApparently he was moping around so hard at home that your friends threw aââ
âI donât want to know!â
âOk⊠geez.â
âHow do you even know whatâs going on with my friends? Bug off!â
May sighed, âAlex Iâm just trying to help you.â
âSince when?â
âSince Iâm your older sister and it brings me great joy toââ
âThwart me.â
âNo no, only sometimes.â
âAll the time.â
âBelieve it or not, I do actually want you to be happy,â May insisted. âAnd, personally, I like Jungkook as a brother in law better than Hoseok.â
âWhat! Whyâ why would you say that? Donât say thatâŠâ
âYou were only ever trailing after Hoseok. Jungkook is right down in the trashcan with you. I think thatâs sweet.â
Alex sighed noisily.
âI think you know Iâm right.â
âI wasnât choosing between two guys,â Alex corrected. âI didnât dump Hobi for Jungkook. I just couldnât meet his family and stay in a relationship with someone when I wasnât all in anymore. Thatâs not fair.â
âYoongi all over.â
âShut up,â Alex scowled. Damn did she regret ever telling her sister about that. The teasing had gone too far and sheâd vowed never to tell May anything ever again and yet here she was telling her things. âI donât⊠I donât even know if I trust the things Jungkook said. It just seems too sudden. So I broke up with Hoseok for me and Iâm here in San Francisco enjoying some me timeââ
âSudden? You think Jungkookâs feelings are sudden? God, you two are perfect for each other, youâre both so stupid.â
âMay! Youâre such a bitch!â
âYeah better than being so fucking stupid! Do you have any idea how nauseating it was watching him crumble to bits when you got a boyfriend? Heâs clearly been in love with you for years without doing anything about it and you were in love with him for years too, obviously.â
âWhy obviously?! Everyone just always assumes Iâm in love with him just because heâs hotââ
âNo, because you two are always touching and teasing each other and ganging up on me. You act like a little stupid love unitâ and if you say you were just friends Iâm going to reach through the phone and strangle you. Nothing you guys did was what normal friends do. Thatâs just not what friends are like, Alex. Like, itâs not normal. Itâs been disgusting to watchââ
âYouâre exaggerating. He wasnât in any way in love with me until I suddenly had a boyfriendââ
âAlex, heâs stupid.â
âDonât be mean. Heâs not.â
âIâm sorry but you love a stupid man and you have to accept the consequences of that, like him not realizing his own feelings until too late.â
âUh huh. And all the women he fucked while he was supposedly heartbrokenââ
âYou mean since he had his epiphany? None. At least I donât think soââ
âRebekah told me about Anita. I guess heâs, like, dating orââ
âOh my god. Please. Please be the smarter one,â May begged. âHeâs not dating Anita.â
âHow do you know?â
âI just know. Nothing else. But hey if you donât want him or you want time to yourselfâ do that too, thatâs ok. You donât have to rush into anything.â The shift in her tone was suspicious; she couldnât see Alexâs narrowed eyes but maybe she felt it through the line. âI donât mean to sound like Iâm pushing you to run to Jungkook.â
âI think I just need some time.â Alex admitted. âI meanâŠâ She trailed off in thought and for once May didnât stomp into the silence. âIt sucks. Breaking up with Hobi sucks. It hurts even though Iâm feeling more like it was the right choice. Maybe. But when I get home and we have to like trade stuff back and tell people at work and stuffâ I think itâs going to hurt all over again. I have to face him again. Maybe I ruined his Thanksgiving. Maybe heâll hate me⊠it just sucks. I broke up with Hobi because itâs not fair to be with one person when Iâm so⊠anchored to another one. But thatâs true the other way too. It doesnât feel real yet. I donât want to call Jungkook and say something stupid, do something too stupid and fast and still be all wrapped up in this.â
âI get it,â May said. Gently. Gently. Who was this on the phone and could they permanently body-snatch May? Did she have to get her real sister back?
âIf⊠if I do talk to Jungkook and decide to um⊠see if he still wants to try that⊠I canât even say it,â Alex laughed at herself. âI just feel like it needs to be new and fresh and not messy with this. So I think Iâm just going to take some time right now and see⊠see what feels right to doâŠâ
A beat of silence was followed by May, âThatâs really mature, Alex. Iâm surprised.â She didnât even say it meanly, even if the words were a little mean.
âYeah, thanks.â
âI mean it. Youâve grown up a lot. And for what itâs worth, I think Jungkook has too. I think youâre smart to want to be clean and clear. And hey, no matter what happens, whether you stay on your own or try with Jungkook or that doesnât work out or whateverâŠâ
â...Yes?â Alex prodded. âIs this where youâre going to say something really nice and sisterly and unlike you?â
âYouâll always be an idiot to me anyway, so donât worry about it.â
âYeah, thanks so much May,â she laughed but that felt kinda good too. She felt love in what her sister said. âI guess your boyfriend isnât an idiot, huh?â
May got really stuffy as she insisted, âOh, Iâm dating the smartest person you can possibly think of. No competition. Donât worryââ
âCanât be too smart if heâs dating you.â
âI am a great girlfriend!â
âAre you though?â
âYeah. I can give you some pointersââ
âUH, did you miss where I had two guys fighting over me?â
âAllegedly,â May quickly corrected. âYou donât believe Jungkook, you said.â
âIâll believe him if it means holding it over your head.â
âWhatever, two boys? You can keep âem.â
âYeah? You sure you arenât a little in love with Jungkook yourself? You seemed awful quick to push me towards himââ
âI just think heâs a good guy,â May interrupted. âNever tell him I said that. And I think youâre ok too. And also Edgar and I made a bet years agoââ
âWhat?!?â
âYeah our brother is an idiot too but just to be clear, I get $500 if you and Jungkook start dating so I do have an ulterior motive here.â
âMay,â Alex gasped. âYou⊠you were willing to put odds in my favor that Jungkook would date me?â
âJungkook didnât make me hesitate, it was always obvious youâre the only love in his eyes. I figured you were the one whoâd have to decide. And youâre proving me right! I know all things and feel really good about myself now.â Everything May was saying was like pouring sugar and honey down her throat. She shivered at the intoxication of it. It couldnât be true but it felt so scandalous to imagine.
Alex sighed, âWell glad one of us does, I donât know shit.â
âHey.â Alex braced herself for whatever was coming next. âWhen you get home, letâs spend some time together. Maybe Iâll tell you some secrets too.â
âOoooooh? Like what?â
âYouâve gotta come home to find out.â
âYou think Iâm just going to stay here? I canât afford this place! We can hang out but youâve gotta pay for me, San Francisco is expensive as shit.â
âYeah whatever weâll see. Just enjoy the rest of your solo trip. Get a massage or something.â
âI fly home tomorrow.â
âFine, donât get a massage! Just take care of yourself.â
âThanks May. Oddly nice of you.â
âI know, Iâm feeling generous. Now I gotta go, bye.â She promptly hung up. But Alex was left with a warm and fuzzy feeling that things were going to turn out all right. Her sisterâs unusual kindness meant a lot to hear. Learning that May thought Jungkook was the one who would fall for her first, that meant a lot to her.
Alex stretched out on the bed and closed her eyes âjust for a minute!-- and decided she was doing the right thing. She could take her time. She didnât have to decide anything now. When she got home, sheâd deal with the fallout of her breakup, and decide whether she wanted to jump right in with Jungkook or ease back into friendship or what. Sheâd figure it out. Sheâd survived so many painful parts by now, surely the next part could be easier?
For right now, it was kind of cool to be a girl on an adventure by herself. She pushed up from the bed and grabbed her shoes and decided to go out just for a little bit longer and enjoy herself. Maybe she was in the eye of the hurricane right now, but at least she was her own best company.
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood âactual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if heâs in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much⊠not that. Which is fine and doesnât matter! Until Jiminâs impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook canât believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags:Â fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below
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âWe should be swing dancing to this,â Jungkook said low near Alexâs ear, his thumb pressing in to reduce the noise so she could hear his voice through the music.
She did not return the trick, just laughed as she pushed him away and shouted, âYou donât fucking know how to swing dance!â He scowled, frustrated he couldnât grab her hand and push and pull her away to somehow prove he was in fact a swing master. He wasnât; he knew the same three steps she did, which theyâd exhausted at school dances when they were younger. She was the perfect height for spinning because he didnât elbow her in the face like he did with every other girl he tried it with. He always ruined it by pretending he was going to lift and toss her and then sheâd screech and grab onto his arm like a cat you were trying to put in a bathtub.
âSon of a bitch!â they shouted along with the music. âGet me a drink!â They didnât know this opener band, Nathaniel Rateliffe and the Night Sweats, but the hook was easy to pick up, and the music had that upbeat dancy feel that got the job done at getting the audience pepped for the headliner. The next song was slower but Jungkook still felt his heart locked in, swaying his shoulders, bumping into Alex on one side and Jimin on the other. He didnât even know this band and yet the guitar riffs and steady bass had the effect live music always did, making it feel like the world shrank away to him right here, right now, inside himself. Alex there with him.
And Hoseok on her other side, his hand tucked into hers. And their friends and Alexâs sister having their own feelings further down the row âbut they were out of sight, out of mind for the time being, partly thanks to the assigned seating that created some order to the energy, all of them in their spaces like ducks in a row. Even Jimin faded in and out, sometimes bumping against Jungkookâs arm, other times leaning against Inâam who looked bemused by the whole show.Â
Once upon a time they would have been down in the pit, but these days Jungkook wasnât any more interested in it than Alex and it hadnât even been considered for the show. Balcony all the way. Theyâd done their time down there when they were younger, working out a system for survival. For years Jungkook had taken up position behind her at shows, chest to back, arms poised to ward off any infringing on her space whether it came from the left or right. He threw a mean elbow when someone threatened Alexâs personal space. Sometimes it was a little fun when someone got pushy and he got to push him back; theyâd glare at him as if he was the threatening one and then Alex would go off on them about being such an invasive asshole. Jungkook didnât love having people crushed on him either, but Alex could literally get crushed! Heâd liked the energy of the pit in high school but he was grown now, mature. It was cool to be able to sit whenever you felt like it even if heâd never do it while a band was playing, out of respect if nothing else.
Besides, even if theyâd been in the pit, it wouldnât have been Jungkookâs job anymore. Hoseok would have been her guard. Jungkook wondered how he would have done at it. He was too polite! Jungkook was an asshole, the perfect guard. But Hoseok would probably do his best, and maybe he had secret reserves to pull out⊠or something. Probably in some more mature way than throwing elbows or flexing his jaw threateningly. Heâd like, befriend people or something, throw his arm around them and the whole pit would just sway together.Â
Hoseok had bent down to whisper something into Alexâs ear, so Jungkook leaned the other way to see what everyone else was doing. Their friends seemed mixed on the opener. Jimin and Inâam were standing, nodding along, calmly listening like they were making a study of the audience. Rebekah looked into it. Namjoon did not, face reflecting the light of his phone. Minxi, on the other side of Rebekah, was hard to tell, but she seemed to be humoring whatever May was saying beside her. May had invited herself along but since sheâd been the one to tell Alex about the concert in the first place, they hadnât felt like she could say no âAlex had told Jungkook all about it when theyâd been buying the tickets, back before May and Hoseok had even met. Jungkook didnât really care either way but Alex had been pissed it meant introducing Hoseok before she wanted to, and Jungkook felt a little smug about the fact she had any hesitation whatsoever. Jungkook was desperate to know what May thought, but knew he was unlikely to get a serious answer.Â
Besides, what opinion could she formulate from the opposite end of the row? Jungkook was only two people down and not sure heâd be able to pull off his own secret operation: prove to Hoseok he was non-threatening. Heâd even considered sitting on the other side of Hoseok for the show but couldnât bring himself to do it. At a concert, Alex was who he wanted to be standing and dancing and singing along next to.Â
Shit. Did that mean heâd already failed? How was he supposed to convince Hoseok he wasnât any threat to their relationship when he wanted nothing more than to take Alex all for himself? When secretly, deep down, he was hoping theyâd hurry up and break up already, even if it hurt her in the short termâŠ
But he wouldnât be the one who caused it, he was certain of that. That was why he wasnât a threat, because he wasnât willing to risk losing what he still had of her on the slim chance she reciprocated his feelings âbut not enough to break up with her boyfriend. Like, that sucked. Heâd still take that, being her second choice, but he didnât think he even had a shot at that. It was clear she didnât reciprocate his feelings. Maybe he hadnât realized his feelings until too late, but Alex had only started dating Hoseok a few months ago, if sheâd harbored anything for Jungkook, he would have known, and probably it would have helped him realize his own feelings sooner. She hadnât. So all he could accomplish by trying to come between them would be Alex hating him. That was the worst result; theyâd both be hurting. At least this wayâŠ
At least this way, Alex was happy because she had her best friend and her boyfriend on either side of her as she sang her heart out âendearingly badly but Jungkook loved that about herâ to the bands playing. At least this way, only he was hurting. And not that bad, right? Nothing was really different right now except that he had to overthink everything he did with her to make sure it wasnât something that was going to threaten her apparently easily-threatened boyfriend. The only thing that sucked was that he had to watch someone else get to do all the things he wanted to do with her.
Like last time they went to a concert, he had thrown his arm around her shoulder and theyâd sung together. Hoseok did that this time, though he wasnât singing, just swaying and smiling because Alex was so into it. He didnât seem as quick to figure out the lyrics as Jungkook and Alex were, and he wasnât familiar with the headliner band which was kind of a shame, that he hadnât studied up, but at least heâd come to support Alex. That was⊠nice. But like who the fuck didnât know Kings of Leon!?Â
This was the new normal. And Jungkook needed to prove he could be cool about the new normal. He had to lock himself into the new normal because itâs not like the old normal would work anymore anyway. Maybe, he considered, this was actually better that if Alex wasnât going to hold his wrist while he was the one with his arm draped around her shoulder and his nose stuck into her hair (ok, maybe Hoseok gave her a kiss? Jungkook used to do that just to smell her shampoo), she at least was happy doing that with someone else. Maybe this was actually better than if Alex let Jungkook do those things but they meant nothing to her even in the absence of someone else doing them for her. It would be pathetic for him to secretly pine for his best friend who didnât have any interest in him like that. Heâd never do that! He wouldnât do that now. He had to work on getting over it, and her having a boyfriend who kissed her nose before he went to piss was a good tool to help him get over whatever his silly little stupid love feelings were for her.
Or at least it would be.Â
Someday.
Eventually heâd figure out how to see her smile after a nose kiss and not feel a grumble in his chest because obviously he would just chomp her whole nose to make her wrinkle it up and hit him in the stomach and then heâd steal a real kiss while he was hunched over coughing for breath and then maybe sheâd feel bad and caress his faceâ
Ah. No she wouldnât. The problem with fantasizing about your best friend when she didnât want you that way was that it ran the risk of breaking your heart. And Jungkook was not into that idea. No heartbreak here! Yeah, it sucked he was in love with Alex and it wasnât returned, and he had realized it too late to even try and convince her to give it a try. But⊠itâs not like he would have done that anyway. He fucked, he didnât feel. Usually relationships didnât work out and heâd seen enough of his friends go through heartbreak to know he wasnât interested in it. And it would have the added risk of losing him his best friend? Nah, man, keep it.
Honestly, he thought he was being incredibly mature about the whole thing. Yes, he was watching to make sure Hoseok deserved her and as soon as he saw proof that the guy didnât, heâd be quick to do⊠something. Not sure what, and for now it didnât seem to matter because Hoseok just continued to seem mostly annoyingly awesome. And Alex continued to seem mostly annoyingly happy. And the most annoying thing was that Jungkook was being conservative with that âmostly.âÂ
Alex was happy. And he loved her enough to be glad she was happy. Especially when there was zero indication she wanted him to be the one to make her even happier. Maybe he couldnât. Maybe this was the only thing he could do to contribute to her happiness. Just stay the fuck out of the way.
Fuck. He was glad the opener started a feeler-song at the right moment to distract him from that path of dark wallowy thoughts he refused to look at. Wallowy wasnât hot. Pussy game was definitely going to take a hit if he seemed like he was pining for some girlâ wait, but would chicks find it endearing? Could it get him more pussy?Â
He felt kind of numb to the idea though. He didnât want pussy right now, shockingly. He wanted to close his eyes and smile at the swell of music. And since he couldnât take Alexâs hand, he reached out and ruffled her hair instead.
She, predictably, punched him on the arm, and laughed, âItâs so good!â Energy matching his. Of course it did. Because they matched!Â
Hoseok reached out to fix the strands of her hair that Jungkook had mussed.
Was he crazy to feel like there was something intentional to that? Hoseok had seemed casual when theyâd arrived, polite, but Jungkook felt watched. Shouldnât he at least trust Alex that things were fine, even if he didnât trust Jungkook?
Jungkook wanted to ask Jimin if he got that feeling too, but worried that would mean explaining the whole incident to him. He had told no one. He didnât want to ask Alex either in case it upset her. So instead, when the opener stopped and they had the awkward amount of time to hang, Jungkook reached over Alexâs head and asked nudged Hoseok to ask,
âHey, wanna go get some beers?â
âWe should go pee before Kings start,â Alex suggested, completely ruining his plan. He should have known though, that pea-sized bladder of hers. Heâd had to whisper-catch her up in movies how many times when she couldnât hold it any longer and had to waddle-run to piss? Sometimes he jokingly did it at concerts too, just long enough to annoy her as he sang the wrong song over the one currently being played to catch her up on the songs sheâd missed.
âAre you going to the restroom?â Inâam asked, leaning around Jimin and Jungkook both. Further down the line, Jungkook could hear this echoed like birds on a telephone wire.Â
So they all went. The whole fucking line of their friends, kindergartners on a fieldtrip to the restrooms, weaving through the crowds of people doing the same. Sometimes at shows, depending who they were seeing, the womenâs bathroom had a much shorter line and Alex was almost through the snack line by the time Jungkook finished up and went to find her, but this time the audience was pretty even and Jungkook was through the bathroom in a breeze.
Hoseok conveniently beside him.
Before anyone else could join them, Jungkook elbowed him, âHey, letâs get some beers before we head back. We wonât want to leave again once the band starts.â
Hoseok looked confused but followed Jungkook away from the restrooms, only mentioning once they were in line, âAlex said she didnât want a drink.â
âWhat, telepathically?â Jungkook laughed.
âNo, before we came here. She doesnât want to have to leave the show for a bio-break.â
Bio-break. Jungkook briefly saw red. Bio break. Fuck, what a corporate goonâ and the insinuation that Jungkook didnât know all about her biological need! Heâd been going to shows with her since Hoseok was in business school or whatever impressive thing heâd done for college.
âYeah, bladder the size of a pea, amiright?â Jungkook laughed. He didnât like the way Hoseokâs brow furrowed and his head tilted so he instinctively hunched his shoulders and lifted his hands to shadowbox the moment into a more playful one but just as quickly realized that if things were already awkward he might as well cut to the chase.
âHeyââ He began just as the crowds behind Hoseok jostled him right into Jungkook. He stepped fully on Jungkookâs Docs, the very ones heâd found thrifting with Alex when they were hunting for things for their apartment. They werenât the Prada ones heâd had his eye on for years but you couldnât go wrong with Docs. These things would outlive everything, even Hoseok stomping on them.Â
âAh, sorry sorry,â Hoseok said, looking flustered as he righted himself. âItâs so crowded!â
âYou donât go to shows often?â
âAh, no, not really⊠the last one I went to was Lady Gaga.â
Jungkook just nodded and refrained from commenting. Not that there was anything wrong with liking Lady Gaga! Would Alex have fun at a Lady Gaga show? Probably, as long as there were seats and she didnât get crushed. Lady Gaga was fine. He could go to a Lady Gaga show with Alex if she really wanted toâ
Off track. The line shuffled forward and Jungkook saw the heads of their friends in the distance, so it was now or never.
âHey, just want to level with you,â he rushed out, leaning close so as not to attract eavesdroppers around them in line. âI already worked it out with Alex but I know she told you about uh, the stupid thing I did while I was drunk.â Hoseokâs eyebrows lifted. Jungkook didnât know what that meant but it annoyed him anyway. Quickly he added, âIt was a mistake, itâs never happened before, it wonât happen again. Donât want you to think Iâm trying to steal her away or anything.âÂ
âAh, I see.â Hoseok pursed his lips and nodded.
âYeah. So⊠yeah, thatâs all. You donât need to worry about me. I get plenty of tail, Alex isnât like that.â
Hoseok looked up like he was trying to make sense of the very normal thing Jungkook had said. That annoyed him too. But he swallowed that down and smiled and clapped Hoseok on the shoulder.
âOK? Cool. Sorry I kissed your girlfriend, man.â He grinned, even laughed as he said it, to seem casual. âCongrats on that, though!â Damn it was getting hot in this crowd of bodies. A cold beer was sounding really good now.
âOn⊠Alexâs kissing technique?â
Jungkook swiped the hair back beneath his bucket hat and shrugged, âYeah or whatever, on dating her. I meant it like good for you, not for me, you know? Things donât need to be awkward between us because Iâm not competition. Sheâs basically my sister.â Â
âI know.â Hoseok smiled as he said it. Jungkook bristled. Wait, was Hoseok a total dick?! The impulse to grab Hoseokâs shoulders and shout actually I know everything about Alex, more than you can ever hope to catch up to; I love her better and more and longer than you are capable of; the only thing that keeps me from being your competition is that I respect her choice, even if I donât like it was hard to resist. But no, even that monologue wouldnât satisfy; what it really made him want to do was prove he was steep competition. He wanted to prove he could steal Alex with one hand tied. He wanted to make Hoseok regret saying that.Â
But this was one challenge Jungkook would not rise to. Itâs about Alex, itâs about Alex, itâs about Alex, he repeated to himself. Alex wasnât a Ninja blender or a Slushie machine or a fuzzy slingshot monkey he could win with tickets. Alex was a person and his best friend.
Now if Hoseok wanted to turn out to be an asshole and crash and burn on his own and Jungkook could just sweep up the pieces from his moral high ground, he would jump at the opportunity!Â
But Hoseok might beat him at that game too, because he now clapped Jungkook on the shoulder and insisted, âIâm glad you two worked it out. She said everything is good and sheâs a strong woman with her own mind, right? She tells it like it is! I know sheâd be sad to lose you as a friend. Ah, here, let me buy your beer.â
âNo man you donât have to do that,â Jungkook insisted as they reached the counter.
âHey, why didnât you wait for us?â Jimin called up the line from where he stood near the back.
Jungkook laughed and waved his hand like there was some joke Jimin should understand, hoping to pass it off. Scrambling to think of a cover for why heâd gone off with Hoseok, it confused him at the point of ordering, which meant Hoseok wound up paying for his beer, and a soda for Alex, and a glass of wine for himself.
Jungkook found that an interesting beverage choice for a concert but all right. He didnât say anything because apparently Hoseok thought Alex had meant she just didnât want beer, when Jungkook knew she would have meant she didnât want anything to drink. She was going to end up with a UTI, dehydrating herself like that. But if Hoseok brought her a soda she might feel compelled to drink it andâ ah, ok, he might very cleverly be doing a kind boyfriend thing, even if she fussed about having to run to piss at least once during the set.
They headed back, Jungkook swinging by to tease the others about taking too long to piss. It meant he walked alone back to his seat to find Hoseok and Alex already there, talking and laughing with May and Minxi. He hesitated because Minxi was in his seat. He could move to another one but then theyâd get permanently stuck in those seats for the show and that was his seat. He wanted to sit by Alex. Heâd really worked to engineer that seating arrangement.
So he cleared his throat and grinned at Minxi, âHey thatâs my chair but if you get up for a sec you can sit in my lap. Itâs a lot more comfortable.â
âReally?â May snickered. âYour bony lap?â
Jungkook gasped, âJesus, I donât have a boner! Thatâs not what I said!â
âBo-ny. Bony! Iâm talking about boners, gross boy!â
âI was just being nice. May. What the fuck. Indecent. Youâre sick.â
Minxi covered her eyes and shook her head, âThank you so much for your kind offer, JK, I think Iâll just move downâŠâ
âWow,â Alex teased as he sat in his reclaimed chair. âHavenât seen you that lacking in game since you were twenty-one? Twenty?â She had somehow procured Nachos at lightning speed.
âIâm not trying to use game on Minxi, I just wanted my seat back.â
âOh! Right right, no game, just sulky baby.â
âIâll give you sulky baby with your little baby snack,â he taunted without thinking about it, reaching down to try and pinch the side of her neck. âNeed to stand on your chair so youâll be able to see the band, crispy shrimp?â
She scrunched her shoulders up and teased right back, âSounds like someone regret choosing beer over Nachos. Get your own, you fucking raccoon.â
âHow dareâ no, now I am obligated to steal yours.â He reached out to grab one and she twisted and lifted to try and keep them away from him.
Unfortunately, the rough-housing jostled Hoseokâs arm, knocking his red wine all over his shirt and jacket. Alex yelled and tried to somehow stop the liquid by grabbing Hoseokâs arm, but it just sent the rest of the wine splashing across Jungkookâs gray shirt too.Â
âOh my fuck,â Alex gasped, looking back and forth between them. âOh my god Iâm so sorryââ
âYeah, real childish,â Jungkook laughed and tugged her hair. Damn, no way to really get the wine out right now. The lights dimmed and a roar went around the stadium as the band prepared to come out, so Jungkook instantly forgot about it.
But Hoseok was still standing with his arms out, staring down in horror. His shirt was yellow and he had a light denim jacket on for some ungodly reason, both now coated in bright red wine.Â
âIâm so sorry,â Alex said again. âIâll replace themâ I can pay to replace them. Napkins⊠hey does anyone have napkins?â
At this rate Alex was going to miss the opening moment. It annoyed Jungkook that Hoseok looked like that. It was just some fucking wine. They were at a concert. You had to dress assuming someone was going to spill something on you.
âIâm uhâ Iâm going to go see if I can find something to buy and try to rinse this in the sink,â Hoseok said, setting the empty plastic cup down beneath his seat.
Alex grabbed his arm, âOk, Iâll go with you, Iâm so sorryââ
âYouâll miss the band.â
âOk, youâre sure?â
Alex might not be able to see it from her height but Jungkook could, the flicker across Hoseokâs face. He had expected her to insist on going.Â
âHey, anyone got a Tide to go pen or whatever?â Jungkook called down the line. âAlex is getting wild down here!â
Inâam was already asking the question too, and a moment later Rebekah passed one down, which Jungkook handed over Alexâs head, as if the little pen would be enough against the sea of red. Mostly Jungkook just wanted Hoseok to hurry up and go because any second now the music was going to start and that first moment was always so good and he didnât want Alex to miss it.
âIâm so sorry, Hobiââ
âYeah, Iâll be backâŠâ He gave her a weak-ass smile and hurried away.
Jungkook didnât mean to look any particular way, but Alex still scolded him, âDonât look like that! I get it. No one wants to sit around covered in wine for a whole show⊠itâs going to stain his clothes and he dresses so nicelyâŠâ
âYah, what am I? Chopped liver?â Jungkook demanded, motioning down to his sleeve, side, and chest speckled with large red splotches. Her eyes widened even more and he realized heâd pushed too far. She was genuinely distressed, almost to the point of tears. Did Hoseok make her like that? Had he reacted badly in the past when sheâd spilled or dropped something? Messed something of his up? He didnât have to make such a big deal. Yeah it sucked to get wine on your clothes but obviously Alex felt bad, he didnât need to make her feel worse than she already would. It was an accident.Â
He threw his arm around her and squeezed, âHey, spills happen. With you it happens a lot, has he not learned that yet?â
She punched him right in the gutâ
And left behind several smudges of yellow nacho cheese.
âIâm a mess!â she wailed.
âWhat the fuck is going on over there?â Jimin demanded, peering around; Inâam was doing the same, and passed down a packet of wet wipes someone had dug out of their bag. Rebekah again. The only prepared adult among them, apparently.Â
But the lights went down, the roar went up, an opening chord played and Jungkook grabbed the wet wipes and shoved them into his pocket so he could take her hand with his free one and ordered,
âWho the fuck cares, stop worrying about it. Just close your eyesâŠitâs startingâŠâ He shouldnât have had to tell her, thatâs always how they started. Heâd taught her that. So they could fully, for those opening notes, just take it in and live in the music. That wasnât an exclusive thing with Alex; he lifted his arm to balance it on Jiminâs shoulder too, who also had his eyes closed, holding Inâamâs hand, so maybe heâd passed the importance of that moment along to his fiance as well. Jimin had been to almost as many shows with Jungkook as Alex had and this moment was important and hey, it hadnât been on purpose or his fault or anything but he was kinda glad Hoseok was gone for just this minute. In five minutes or ten heâd be back wearing a Kings of Leon shirt and hopefully he wouldnât be a dick about it if it wasnât his style and he could soak his clothes when he got home and maybe theyâd be ok. In five, ten minutes Alex would be Hoseokâs again but for just these few minutes, Alex was his.Â
That would have to be enough.
And for those couple of minutes, it was.
One more night, one more night will you stay here?
Ooh when you see yourself are you far away?
Is it night or day?
When it comes to you, if you reach the moon,
Can I be there too?
âPickles?â
âOk Iâm starting to feel like you only like me for my pickle,â Alex called from the kitchen.
âNo no, thatâs your new nickname,â Rebekah assured her, coming to lend a hand this time with the carrying of the food. Which was good because Alex was definitely about to balance too many plates, cups, and bowls on her arms and probably spill them everywhere. She prematurely cringed about it, even though she hadnât done it yet, but because now it recalled another instance in which she had spilled shit on or around Hoseok and heâd given her that endeared but also dissatisfied smile and gently scolded her about being more patient and asking for help. AS IF he had somehow already figured out in the scant few months they had dated that those were the things she struggled with. What, was he paying attention to her or something? Ghastly. He should stop that.
âAll right, whatâs an acceptable thing I can call you back?â
âRebekah. Bekah if youâre feeling bold.â
Alex snickered and pressed, âIâve always thought itâs funny how you hate âBecky.ââ
âOk Al.â
âBut see, that doesnât bother me. Why would it? Iâve been called so much worseââ
As if cued, the front door swung open just as Rebekah and Alex walked past it, hands full, and Jungkook shouted, âYo Tony! Help a Broseph out?â
âTony?â Rebekah repeated, confused.
Alex rolled her eyes and lifted her hands as she passed the front door, âSorry, Broey, hands areâ what the fuck is all that?â She stopped walking and stared as he tackled his way through the door, arms overflowing. âAre those⊠pillows?!â
âI dunno they were on sale at Target,â he said from somewhere behind the pile of bags in his arms. âMove your ass, slothface, I canât see around this.â
She had to dive out of the way as he nearly knocked the food out of her hands.
âWhy didnât you take more than one trip?!â
âUh, because I didnât need to? I canâtâ you really canât help me? Fucking uselessâŠâ
âHey asshole!â
âIâm kidding, youâre a snack,â he huffed, then swore as he stumbled on his own fucking boots tumbled beside the door and slammed into the wall trying not to drop everything.Â
âJesus,â Alex gasped, rushing to set her food down on the laundry basket. They really needed to get a coffee table.Â
Rebekah beat her to it though and was the one to actually ease two of the bags out of Jungkookâs arms.
âGee thanks for the late assistâ ohhh, Rebekah,â he smiled, voice changing. âShit, so sorry. Uh, thanks. Sorry, Iâd never talk to you like that, you deserve so much better.â
Rebekah had that smile she always reserved for Jungkook as she assured him, âNo, itâs fine. What is all this though?â Alex was left without anything to grab as Jungkook and Rebekah dumped everything down on the sofa; Alex dragged the laundry basket away so nothing would get spilled.Â
âJust some things,â Jungkook said. âYou know, Target was having a sale and whatever, end of summer or whateverâŠâ
âTarget sale?â Alex asked, face screwed up because Jungkook only ever went to Target for electronics or because she made him. Despite the fact he had a blast every time they did because he always found some stupid thing he was excited about, like his Yoda fleece blanket or the retro Etch-a-sketch heâd left Alex infuratiating messages on by the bathroom for weeks. He had been obnoxiously good at it. âWhy were you in Target?â
âUh, yeah, they had a uhâ I needed some new sheets and I was out of deodorant and batteries and uhâ and you know you complain when I steal your shampoo. I had a coupon for toothpasteââ
âJungkook,â Alex warned, because this was exactly what he did when he tried to lie to her. Overexplain without actually explaining, refusing to make eye contact because he knew heâd crumble, breaking off sentences as his little scrambled egg brain tried to find a way to change the subject but failed. He scratched the side of his nose and noisily crinkled one of the bags with his other hand the gig was up.
But Rebekah, dear sweet Rebekah, saved him by pulling FIVE pillows out of two of the bags as she gasped, âOh, theyâre really soft! Are they for your bed?â
The laughter bubbled out of Alex. Jungkook hated pillows. He thought decorative pillows were stupid. He thought bed pillows were an annoying necessity. He kept exactly two, one of which was distressingly flat. Heâd told Alex it was the result of fucking so many girls onto it, that their asses wore it down, but heâd had that twinkle in his eye that could also mean he was exaggerating. It might have just been a shitty pillow. She suspected it might be like twenty years old. The other pillow was fine but also the one he let the occasional girl who spent the night use, so Alex usually brought her own when she crashed in his bed.
Not that she did that anymore. The horror of the idea of Hoseok having to ask her not to sleep in her male friendâs bed was enough of a deterrent that she just made that a rule on her own. Sheâd be jealous if Hobi was sleeping in some girlâs bed, even Amyâs. Too often she woke up all tangled up with Jungkook, sometimes hands up shirts or legs twisted together; Jungkook liked to spoon. She had this mental movie of Hoseok walking in and not believing her explanation that it was innocent. One night after heavy drinking sheâd woken up with no pants on, only panties and her shirt up around her tits. Thank fuck sheâd been the first awake so Jungkook hadnât seen that!
Rebekah held up a dusty rose velvet pillow and a white square pillow with a blue octopus stitched into the fabric. A third shaggy white square looked like something dead. The fourth dark blue one had tassels and the words This is home in cursive. The last peeked from the bag: light pink, round, with big pink balls sewn all around the edge.
âThat looks like a diseased boob,â Alex blurted out, lifting it. It jostled the bag, revealing two soft velvety blankets inside, the kind you snuggled down with on a couch. If you were like a rich or fashionable person, or had something against Jungkookâs baby Yoda blanket. It looked like him, and Alex couldnât point it out to him because he wouldnât get it, but she laughed every time she saw him wrapped up in it.
Jungkook pointed, big dark eyes as wide as could be as he demanded, âYou see a boob? Hey, Alex, have you considered you might be⊠ah, sorry Rebekah. I didnât buy it because it looks like aâŠâ
âYou totally did.â Alex rolled her eyes.
âUh, I have them too,â Rebekah scoffed. âYou can talk about boobs in front of me. I donât mind! Itâs not like Iâm someâŠâ Alex and Jungkook waited but now Rebekah looked embarrassed and just pointed at another bag, âWhatâs in there?â
âClock.â
âCock?â Alex gasped, knowing full well that wasnât what Jungkook had said. She just wanted to see if she could make them both feel more awkward.
âSorry, was that you trying to sound straight? Itâs too late,â Jungkook returned as he lifted a round faced black and white clock, the cheapy ones like you saw in college dorms or elementary school classrooms.
âWhy did you buy thatâ oh, time management for your fucks? Youâre stacking them now?â
He rolled his eyes, âNo, to hang up in here so we can know what time it is.â
âPhone. I have a phone.â
âIf you canât reach your phone,â he argued. âOr the electricity goes out so the stove and microwave are wrong.â
âWouldnât affect our phonesâŠâ
âThis is a normal thing to have on a wall!â he insisted, suddenly flustered, and turned to lean it against the wall. Alex wondered how long it was going to just sit there before he got rid of it; she couldnât imagine him hunting down a hammer to hang it.
But then, lo and behold, he pulled out a cheap tool kit and tossed it onto the floor beside the clock.
âTools,â Alex snorted. âWho are you?â
âI can fix things!â
âWe have a tool kit⊠somewhereâŠâ They did. They used it when they moved in and had to build all their furniture. And then Alex never saw it again.
âI gave that away,â Jungkook waved his hand.
âTo⊠who? Why?â
âThis girlâ I had to fix something at her place andâ it doesnât matter. I couldnât go back for it.â
âYou fixed something at some girlâs place? What the fuck? Fix something here!â
âI am!â he frowned. âYeah, I can fix things! Iâm not incompetent. Just show me whatâs broken and Iâll do it!â
Alex stopped talking, mouth open, confused by his defensiveness outburst. She glanced at Rebekah, whose eyebrows raised as she turned away to set the pillows on the couch. Was he trying to impress Rebekah? Was he annoyed about how heâd look in front of her? That didnât make sense, but also why did Alex feel compelled to name something broken? She wasnât sure whether that was to taunt him or soothe him.Â
âUh⊠I donât think⊠anything?â
âYeah,â he said, as if heâd won some argument, as if he was the reason nothing was broken right now. More like because Alex was willing to draw blood with their landlord to get things fixed. âWell weâve got tools now so let me know.â
âOkâŠâ
He was being weird. He looked angry as he pulled the blankets out of the bag and threw them onto the couch.
âYou bought couch blankets?â Alex asked gently. â...Why?â
âSale.â
âOkâŠ. um⊠anything else good?â she asked, trying to smile and seem casual and push past whatever his sudden grumpy mood was. âOh⊠babe,â she realized âand slipped on the petname in her teasingâ âwas this a comfort shop? Did a pussy appointment cancel on you last minute?â
His face scrunched up into a fist, âNo! I told you I needed some things! No one canceled on me.â
âOh, so youâre going out? Ok great we can crank our movie up. Thereâs a really raunchy sex scene apparentlyââ
âYou didnât tell me that!â Rebekah gasped.Â
âWhy, you nervous?â Alex teased.
Rebekah huffed and hugged the shaggy pillow, âNo, I justâ what kind of movie is this? How raunchy?â
âItâs fineââ
âIâm not going out,â Jungkook said, tugging up one bag tight and slinging it over his shoulder. âI bought snacks.â
âSnacks?â
âAh, now your eyes perk upâŠâ he mumbled as she looked in another bag.Â
âThese are⊠you bought new dishes?â
âWe have like three cups.â
âWe have more than that,â Alex argued.
âYah, how many are in your room right now?â he teased. âIâm not touching those until you wash them.â
âOnly a couple! I clean them out before Hobi comes overâŠâ she admitted with a laugh at her own expense. Actually these days she kept her room cleaner than she ever had in her life. It was exhausting. Hobi did not understand how cozy it was to take a nap on clean laundry scattered across your bed that you were going to fold eventually. Hobi folded his clothes as he took them out of the dryer. A lot of his clothes he hung up to dry. It was impressive and insane.
Rebekah too had returned to the remaining bags. They dug through the snacks Jungkook had indeed bought; clearly heâd gone on a rampage down the snack aisle. Also in the bags were other odds and ends heâd bought during this âsaleâ ârefills for the scent diffuser; a giant wooden cup she wasnât sure what he meant to use for; a farmhouse decor style pair of wooden wall hangings for the kitchen, one which read âTasty Kitchenâ and the other which just said âKitchenâ but had a giant rooster and chicken on it. A purple vase.Â
âWhy did you buy all this stuff?â Alex asked as he returned. She showed him the kitchen signs, âIs this a joke?â
âUmâŠâ He froze and looked at her like he was almost hurt. Like he was panicking. It was weird. Sheâd thought for sure he picked these signs as a dirty joke. Cock and hen kitchen? Tasty kitchen, like his cum or something? But she could tell in an instant by his expression that he hadnât thought of those things at all, that apparently these were sincere purchases. An exploration of his⊠style? No, that didnât make sense. Farmhouse chic or Tuscany or whatever this was?! They werenât his style at all!
âOh a Brita! Finally!â Rebekah gasped, pulling out the box in the last bag. âIâll go set it upâŠâ She whisked away to the kitchen and that was the last straw for Alex.
âA Brita? Too good for tap water now, huh?â
Jungkook crossed his arms and drew a deep breath and let it out like he was bracing himself for battle.
And then pointed out, âYour boyfriend doesnât like the tap water here.â
Alexâs eyes narrowed.
âYeah? I know that. Thatâs why I was trying to keep bottled waterââ
âDonât waste money on bottled fucking water,â he rolled his eyes. âI got this so we can just refill it and now he wonât get dehydrated.â
Alex watched his back as he went to dig around the snack bag. He pulled a few things out, then seemed to change his mind and just pulled the whole bag up.
âThatâs⊠thoughtful,â Alex said slowly. âBut why waste your money on it? Why did you buy all this stuff for our place?â
âI told you, there was a sale. Now whatâs this movie weâre watching? Let me change into something comfier first.â He gave her a charming grin before he set off for the kitchen.Â
âWhat do you mean âweâ?âÂ
But sure enough, once theyâd unloaded the snacks and Jungkook made his own dinner and put on sweats, he settled right down on the couch.
Between them.
âSo whatâs this movie?â he asked around a mouthful of sandwich. It formed a massive ball in his cheek; it made his eyes look especially cartoonish as he glanced between them.Â
âYouâre being weird,â Alex told him.
âBecause I want to watch a movie with you?!â
âYeah, why is that weird?â Rebekah asked. âI thought you two watched movies together all the time.â
âYeah butâŠâ Alex couldnât explain it. Jungkook watching a movie wasnât that weird, sure. But it was a Friday night. And heâd just spent a bunch of his money on stuff he always thought was stupid. And heâd bought a Brita water purifier as a favor to her and her boyfriend?? Major sus!
She glanced at Rebekah, who was also waiting for this grand reveal; there was no way for a moment of privacy, so Alex just lowered her voice to ask Jungkook sincerely, âAre you⊠ok?â
âNo,â he said, face falling. âIâm actually dying, Alex. Thatâs why I bought decorative pillows, so youâd have somethingâ ow ow! Hey!â He broke off, leaning against Rebekah as Alex punched his arm. âSave me, Becky!â he cried, and pressed his face into Rebekahâs shoulder.
Rebekah laughed and flapped her hand at Alex, completely unbothered apparently that Jungkook had called her Becky, and called, âOk ok, ceasefire! I think the pillows are nice.â
âHe bought five.â
âShould we start the movie?â Rebekah suggested without further comment.
To be honest, it pissed Alex off. She knew Rebekah and Jungkook were joking but, for a brief moment she felt a flash of blinding rage that Rebekah would playfully defend Jungkook against her. That Jungkook would turn to Rebekah. That she was the outsider in this moment rather than the literal connection.Â
âAw, Grumple Skrunkle,â Jungkook teased, and pinched Alexâs nose shut to make her sputter. âYeah, hit it,â he told Rebekah, but then leaned forward himself to push play on the PlayStation controller balanced among their things on the laundry basket. âOh I found a coffee table on craigslist,â he added, pointing at her, wagging his finger exactly like his mother did. âIt needs to be restained but itâs free, Iâm picking it up first thing tomorrow but I need your car, your trunk is bigger than mine.â Then he tried to wink as he added, âItâs one of your best assets.â Heâd never quite mastered winking though, he always closed the other eye too, but insisted he didnât do it even when Alex showed him photographic evidence, and insisted she was just racist, at which point she usually tried to choke him or kick the back of his knees.
Instead of commenting on the wink, she got stuck on, âUh⊠we donât know how to restain something.â
âI found a YouTube video, itâs fine.â
âWhat the fuckâŠâ
âShhh,â he said, because the opening credits were rolling, as if he was the one whoâd been looking forward to this all week. He didnât even know what movie they were watching until five minutes ago. It was a Friday night! Usually heâd be out fucking things and doing people!Â
She held off asking again until theyâd finished eating, but when Jungkook paused the movie to load all their dishes into the laundry basket and take them to the kitchen, Alex began to wonder. She wasnât anything unusual here. This was just a normal Friday night for her. But Rebekah wasnât always here on a Friday night. Was that the difference? Was Jungkook trying to impress Rebekah?!
She grabbed her phone, ready to text Jungkook: remember the rule no fucking my friends. But he got back too quickly, and probably if she texted him right now, Rebekah would see it. And if that was what Jungkook was getting at here, Alexâs text might accidentally be the thing that made Jungkook and Rebekah talk about it! And decide to go for it! Friendship be damned!!!!
Jungkook plopped down again between them, hit play on the controller ânow on the groundâ with his big toe, and then flipped one of the blankets open across all three of their laps. The next move felt like the obvious farcical step; he let out a deep sigh and lifted his arms over their heads and stretched them along the back of the couch, pressed against both of their backs, hands hooked around their shoulders. Not even subtle.
Rebekah giggled as Alex sighed, âKookooâŠâ
âOh right sorry, you have a boyfriendâŠâ He lifted his arm away from her, which put him a little closer to Rebekah. âSorry, am I making you uncomfortable?â he asked Rebekah.
âNo, I donât have a boyfriend. Itâs nice to snuggle while we watch a movie.â
Alex made a retching noise in her lap that almost went too far.
âYeah, donât make yourself puke for real!â Jungkook cried, knowing. She hated that he knew! She hated that heâd seen it happen before. She just had a suggestible gag reflex, ok?!
Now flustered and annoyed and not sure how else to remind Jungkook he was not allowed to fuck her friends, Alex grabbed his arm and yanked it back around her shoulder and huffed,
âDonât be such a fucking weirdo, either of you, itâs just a movie. And stop doing things with your toes, itâll weird my friend out!â Heâd been using his toe to tug the blanket a little bit lower to cover his feet. It wasnât quite big enough for everyone to spread out but with his arms around their shoulders anyway, they were almost tucked close enough. It was really only meant for two.
âItâs fine,â Rebekah assured her. âItâs kind of impressive.â
âItâs not impressive when he pinches you, trust me, itâs like a fucking lobster, especially if he hasnât cut hisââ
âI keep my nails short!â he interrupted, scowling at her. âDonât say shit like that.â
âYou do. Itâs really impressive. So many men donât seem to care about how their feet or hands look but your nails are always nice,â Rebekah complimented him.Â
âCan you turn the movie up? I canât hear,â Alex spoke over whatever appreciative bullshit Jungkook was about to say. He tried to hit it with his toe but the TV remote was harder to control that way. He had to bend down to pick it up once heâd dragged it closer with his foot; he let go of Rebekahâs shoulders to do it, keeping his arm around Alex. That was a little soothing, if her request managed to get between them in more ways than one.
âThe snuggling is going to get real awkward when we get to the sex scenes,â she joked.
âMaybe for you,â Jungkook shrugged.
âUh, no? Iâm not the one who will be weird about it.â
âWho, me?!â Rebekah gasped. âOk letâs be clear about something, I have a sexual historyââ
âI meant JK,â Alex laughed.Â
âOh⊠okâŠâ
âAre you kidding? Two hot girls and meââ
âOk stop talking,â Alex said and covered his mouth. She expected him to lick her hand. Instead he just opened his mouth and breathed warm breath against her palm, which was way weirder. âGod youâre weird.â
âYeah, hey can you put the balled tit pillow behind my head?â
âSo you admit it!â
âIâm never admitting anything and you canât make me,â he said, and squeezed her shoulder. âNow stop making noise and watch the movie.â
âI thought you liked noise,â she said, trying to joke, trying to draw out Jungkook acting the way he ought to. Not that he wasnât. But his arms around them both felt weird even though they snuggled plenty of times while watching movies. It wasnât a big deal! But was it a big deal for Rebekah? Alex thought she seemed a little too happy. And Jungkook looked smug.Â
Suddenly he turned his face down to hers and whispered, âI know Iâm hot but the screen is that way, Song.â
âFuck, your ego is just⊠itâs so big itâs blocking the screen.â
âOh, baby, thatâs not my ego, thatâsââ
âA lame joke, try again.â
âNo, thereâs a movie on, shush.â
The âshushâ did her in. She glared, but he just grinned at her, and for some reason that exchange soothed her. Their little quips were just like theyâd always been and it was comforting. Silent communication, that was a thing they could do, they could have a moment like that and understand each other, and Rebekah wasnât a part of that at all.Â
And also⊠Jungkook wouldnât. He had messed up so big with the whole kissing her thing a while ago, he wouldnât just throw another rule out the window to get his dick wet with Rebekah. He had no problem getting his dick wet, he didnât need to fish in Alexâs pond for that.
Unless⊠unless he actually liked Rebekah?
But no, that wasnât a Jungkook thing to do. He didnât like girls like that. And if he didâ Rebekah was great, she really was, but their personality types were all wrong together! They werenât similar enough or opposite enough for it to make sense!
She would remind him of the rule though, just to be safe. Later. Once she wasnât busy pinching his thigh and ribs and nipples every time he squeezed her shoulder and tickled her neck to try and make the jump scares worse.
It was disorienting to wake up with Alex in bed with him. He rolled towards her, legs curling around, arms flopping across her lap. Dream and reality fused together, and everything smelled like her, and she was always so warm to sleep next to. He missed that. Itâd been so long since sheâd crashed in his bed. He liked rolling into the warm space she left behind when she got up first, and breathing in the scent of her shampoo where sheâd leave it on her pillow because she always forgot it and had to come retrieve it later. He never put it back for her.Â
âNo, Jungkook, wake up.â Her voice was raspy and sharp in the quiet of early morning. She was shaking his shoulder. âWake up, I need a favorâŠâ
âHuh?â He squinted at her, one eye barely open as his brain started to drag itself out of that foggy warm happy half-asleep place. He pushed himself up and rubbed at his face before he was awake enough to stop his hands, afraid heâd give himself pimples.
âAlex?â He turned towards his phone on the nightstand but didnât move to touch it. âWhat time is it?â
âA little before five,â she said. âIâm so sorry to wake you up⊠my car wonât start but I have to be at work in ten minutes and Iâm kind of freaking out and there arenât any Lyfts available right now⊠fucking suburbsâŠâ
She was talking too fast. He pressed his fingers to her mouth and blinked, trying to clear his head. He didnât remember any particular dream but thought it had been nice and he regretted being pulled from it. Or maybe it wasnât a dream, maybe it was just that hazy nice space of being curled around her in bed, thinking of other times heâd been like thatâ
âCan you just⊠just ride in the car and wake up on the way and then drive yourself back afterwards?â she asked.
He yawned and blinked at her again, still confused. Why was she sitting on the side of his bed dressed for work? Why was his brain doing this? Oh shit was he about to have a sex dream about her in her uniform?! She wasnât wearing her apron though, but maybe he could put that on after her clothes were off⊠he looked down but he wasnât wearing his work uniform, so this wasnât a joint uniform dreamâ
âJungkook, wake up,â she said, taking hold of his face and squishing his cheeks. âIâm sorry but can I have a ride to work? My car wonât start.â
âYeah? You need um⊠oh you need a ride to work?â
Not a sex dream.Â
âYes.â
âOk. Yeah. Yeah of course, letâs go.â His body wasnât quite obeying yet but his brain propelled him forward, out of bed âsuddenly Alex shot up and called out that sheâd meet him at the front door and please to hurry, sheâd drive there. He was on his feet before sensation caught up with him and he realized he might have bumped his semi against her arm or something⊠No, he didnât think it was that noticeable. Maybe she was just in a rush to get to work.Â
Oh shit, yeah, she was late, he realized as he looked at the clock on his phone. So he pushed himself to wake up faster, slipping on his sliders by the front door and grabbing his keys and wallet.
âI really appreciate it,â she said. âSorry I woke you up so early.â
âYeah, whatâs wrong with your car?â he asked, following her down the stairs.
âI donât know! It just keeps turning over. I donât know if the battery is dead or itâs out of um⊠oil or something? Here, give me your keys, Iâll drive while you keep waking up.â
âIâm ok to drive.â
âJust give me the keys,â she insisted, and honestly she was probably right so he slid into his own passengerâs seat while she got behind the wheel. Sheâd be breathing down his neck probably if he didnât drive fast enough anyway.Â
He yawned and turned the radio off when it blasted too loud on starting, and suggested, âIâm not working today, I can take your car in. Did you leave your keys upstairs?â
âYou donât have to do that.â
âEh, itâs fine,â he shrugged. It was weird to see the world as bright as it was so early in the morning. He was never up this early unless heâd just stayed up from the night before. It was further disorienting right now as he dragged his brain out of sleep. Part of him still felt curled up in bed with Alex and her long soft hair and her fluffy pillow. Even though he hadnât actually been, he realized. A dream. A wish.Â
âNo, donât, why would you do that? Iâll just figure it out when Iâm off today.â
âWeâve got dinner withââ
âYeah, I know!â she laughed. âWhat are you the family calendar keeper now?â
He shrugged, âI donât know, maybe you forgot now that you have another family.â
âOh stop.â She hit his arm but only lightly. âFuck, I canât believe my carâ shit, my phone is ringing, can youââ She lifted off the seat just enough for Jungkook to dig her phone out of her back pocket and glanced at the screen.
âChesley,â Jungkook read.
âYeah can you answer, tell him Iâm there in like six minutesâŠâ
âHey. Alexâs car wasnât working this morning, sheâs on her way now,â he said as he answered. He vaguely knew who Chesley was.Â
âWho is this?â
âHer roommate.â
âOhhhh ok that confused me, you donât sound like Hobi. Did she forget her phone too?â
âNo, sheâs driving right now and struggles with multitasking outside of work.â
âUh⊠ok, is she ok?â
âYeah. Five minutes sheâll be there, bye.â
âFuck fuck fuck,â Alex mumbled under her breath, radiating stress.
âItâs fine,â he insisted. âYouâre like eleven minutes late. Whatâs going to happen, someone gets their coffee five minutes late?â
âPeople donât handle their coffee being late very well.â
âWell they can go fuck themselves, itâs just coffee. Itâs not like you broke your car on purpose.â
âYeah but people donât careâŠâ
It took him until she zipped into the parking lot to really wake up, but by then he teased her, âHey do I get free coffee now?â
âThereâs nothing made but if you want to hang out while it brews, sure.â She barely put the car into park before she threw her door open, clearly not engaged with his little joke.
âHey, itâs fine. Youâre here nowââ he started as he too got out of the car to walk around.
âThank you for the rideââÂ
âYeah, is your deed and everything in your glove compartment?âÂ
She froze as he reached the driverâs side, and demanded, âWhy are you insisting on that? Iâll take it in later, itâs not a big deal.â
âDo you have roadside assistance?â
âNo that costs moneyâŠâ
âYeah, Iâll deal with it, itâs fine,â he shrugged. âGo work.â He jerked his head towards the front door where two of her coworkers leaned, waiting for her with the keys.
âThatâs weird. Why are you being so weirdly nice?â
âIâm just nice, Jesus Fuck. Talk about people who need their coffee,â he huffed. âGet out of my car and go to work!â He backhanded her ass as she darted away without thinking about it; belatedly he blamed his sleep deprived brain. Heâd even had to bend down to reach, there wasnât a way to play it off as an accident.
He sank back into his seat but didnât pull out of the space right away.Â
There had been something in Chesleyâs voice when Jungkook had answered. Maybe he was imagining things, but he thought Alexâs coworker at first thought heâd just caught her in bed with someone else. Or was that just Jungkook daydreaming? Wishful thinking? He was sure of it though and that it changed instantly once Jungkook said who he was, as if the threat was obviously nullified. Of course, just the roommate, not someone Alex was at all tempted by romantically. Not when she was dating Hoseok, who everyone loved. Guess Hoseok would be the next face of Starbucks or whatever, since everyone loved him so much. Theyâd replace the mermaid on the cup with his face. Hobucks. Yeah, fucking Hobucks.
Jungkook had to adjust the seat and mirrors in his car before he could drive again. Alex was such a shrimp. He wasnât even that tall but his knees were in the steering wheel. It was like a Minion driving his car, except grumpier. A cute grumpy pre-coffee stressed-about-running-late Minion.
There was something intimate to him about her driving his car, even for just nine minutes. They drove each other's cars sometimes, it happened. She was a careful driver and he knew sheâd be careful with his car. One time when they were much younger, sheâd bumped a parking post in his car. Barely scratched the bumper but sheâd had a total meltdown over it, and heâd actually felt like an asshole, if sheâd expected him to be that worked up about his car. Yeah, he took care of his car as best as he could, but he knew it was an accident. He wouldnât have torn her to shreds over an accident or anything, and so heâd always made a point after that of being chill if something got broken or ripped or stained because at the end of the day people were always more important than things.Â
Besides, it was cute watching her drive his car, the way she had to sit up so high and peer over the wheel because his seat didnât go as high as hers. He had to keep special pads around the seatbelts because they hit her collarbone weird and gave her cuts and rashes. Actually heâd learned all about that, how cars werenât really designed for womenâs bodies. That had definitely gotten him laid in the backseat of this thing more than once, though his days of backseat hookups were long behind him because he was a fucking adult now with a bed in his own room.Â
Not for the first time, Jungkook found himself wondering if Hoseok ever evolved that way as a person or if he still thought everyone existed to be managed and tidy. He was very particular about his Elantra; Alex had told Jungkook how immaculate it was kept, not a single straw-wrapper left inside. Would he have let Alex drive his car? He still thought sometimes about how Hoseok had reacted when the food got spilled at that Kings concert; heâd come back in a new shirt and seemed kinda tetchy to Jungkook for the rest of the night, like he wasnât having fun and didnât want to be there and couldnât even phone it in for Alex to have a good time. She worried about Hoseok having a good time more than she ought to. She cared too much about people around her.Â
Well, Jungkook was trying to return the favor. Heâd added a few things to their apartment in an attempt to make it a nicer place to be, so maybe she would stop just going to Hoseokâs place all the time. He was afraid sheâd start to resent their apartment. He wanted her to enjoy coming home to it. He was going to restain the coffee table; Appa had agreed to help, he just needed to buy the stuff and find a time. Appa even had the sander they could use. Maybe heâd do it todayâ
No, he was going to get her car fixed today. Because she hated going to the car place and he knew a little bit (very little) more than she did about cars. Sheâd be so grateful when he gave it back to her later, and what could Hoseok say about it? It was just a nice thing to do! If Hoseok had a problem with it, heâd look like the asshole for suggesting that other people couldnât do nice things for Alex. Would he have offered to take her car in if sheâd woken up at Hoseokâs place with a car that wouldnât start?Â
Ugh, probably.
But maybe not. Maybe Alex wasnât close enough to rely on him for things like that yet. Well Jungkook would be so fucking reliable. He was a great roommate. Alex benefits from living with him.
He decided it was true and it left him smug instead of pathetic feeling as he tried and failed to fall back asleep and went to the gym instead, and then kindly did not steal Alexâs shampoo when he showered andâ ok, fine, used some of her conditioner to jack off with but only because it was right there and he was up earlier than heâd wanted to be. A favor for a favor! It just made the steamy shower smell so fucking good and he liked pleasant smells when he jacked off and itâs not like he was imagining Alex or anything. He didnât. He firmly resisted those thoughts, which sometimes delayed his release as his brain struggled to fight off the mental image of her in whatever filthy position he was trying to play out in his head. Filthy. So fucking filthy, the dirtier the better, because Alex would never be in that position andâ
Ah, his brain always tried to trick him like that. What position, this one? She would never do this? Why, because sheâd be shy about it or because youâre worried about her straining a muscle? Which muscle? Youâd need to help her rub it out? That would be nice, right? How nice?
It wasnât that he thought jacking off to your best friend was some deep evil sin. Heâd jacked off to the image of plenty of women he was attracted to but would never get a chance with. Itâs not like she could read his mind. Itâs not like sheâd know. And how many times in his life had he insisted to friends that inside your head was a free, lawless place?
But ah, he wasnât sure that was true in this instance. He was afraid of what would happen if he just gave into those thoughts. He was afraid it would make him awkward around her. He was afraid it would make him desperate. He was afraid it would rip to shreds this very careful net wall he had tried to put up as a compromise between what he wanted and what she wanted. He was afraid that if he let himself fantasize about all the things he wanted to do to her and do with her, it would start filthy and then turn serious and then turn sweet and then probably filthy again and soon his mind would lose its grip on reality and he wouldnât be able to sit across from her at the table anymore and be casual and chill and convince them both that this was fine.
Because it was fine. It was fine! Being in love with your best friend was a breeze when you had the self control he did. And one thing he knew about maintaining that self control was this: no cheats. No sweets when he was dieting. No minor indulgences when he was saving money for something. No sitting down for breaks when he was at the gym, only active breaks. Young Jungkook, Jungkook 1.0, had terrible self control and what had it gotten him? No girlfriends, no game, no date to prom, and mediocre grades. Jungkook 2.0 had it figured out. Donât make rules unless they matter, and if they matter, never break them.
Like kissing Alex. Bad idea. And as a consequence, he was now in love with his best friend and watching her fall in love with someone else. He was working to push through all of that, but cheating the rules would just make it worse. He didnât want to know what might come pouring out. He didnât want to see how pathetic he might be. He didnât want her to have to put up a thicker wall between them.
So this was fine. It was fine! For now, he was the one she shook awake to give her a ride to work at five in the morning. Maybe he could even outlast Hoseok and it would always get to be himâŠ
NO. No cheats. No cheat thoughts, no cheat fantasies, no indulging that part of his body that wanted to react in ways it shouldnât when he got to spend time with Alex. His heart! Not his dick. Although that too! But yeah he had a heart and he was not interested in some big tragic heartbreak, which he was afraid this could become if he let it. So he just wouldnât let it!
Getting her car fixed took the better part of his morning. She was going to freak about the $600 cost but when the guy replacing the battery (Jungkook had guessed that right! Heâd had to jump her car to get it to the shop and couldnât wait to brag to her about the fact heâd done this! And met a very hot neighbor whoâd recently moved in and told him to give her a buzz sometimeâ) âbut when the guy had mentioned her break pads were worn, he couldnât tell the guy not to fix those. Breaks were important! Whatever, if she didnât have the money right now she could take her time paying him back. Heâd get by.Â
Sheâd put on their shared Google calendar that her shift ended at 12:30. Yes, they had a shared google calendar; no that wasnât as weird as their friends made it seem like. They both put their work things on there so they could remind each other back in the days where they kind of sucked at being adults. They were better now but the habit of the calendar stuck, and it was convenient to keep things like friends' parties on there, or to be able to quickly see what the other's work schedule was when trying to plan something, or when bills were due, or when someone was traveling.
So at 12:30 he rolled into the parking lot at her work in her newly fixed car and strolled in tossing her keys in his hand.Â
The âhey babe, your wheels are ready, letâs rollâ died on his lips as Alex called the goodbye to her co-workers and turned away from the counter, nudged by Hoseokâs hand on her shoulder. It meant they saw him at the same moment, with equally as surprised expressions.
âOh! Jungkook? Uh⊠you didnât have to come pick me up,â she said, stepping towards him. âOr did you want that free coffee now for the lift?â
Lest Hoseok think Jungkook was the kind of guy who only did a favor for a favor, he quickly assured her, âNo, no coffee, Iâm taking a nap after this. Spent the morning getting your car fixed.â Oops, was there something in his voice? He didnât realize he felt annoyed until he heard it in his terse tone. He twirled her keys around his finger. âBattery was dead dead and also your breaks were worn.â
She grimaced, âOh shit, sounds expensiveâŠâ
âLike six hundred⊠you can take your time paying me back if you need to,â he insisted at her hiss.
Beside her, Hoseok suggested, âHuh, I wonder if my guy could have done it for less⊠where did you take her car? My guy is really good, I was just telling herââ
âMattâs great. Best in the business,â Jungkook insisted. He had no fucking clue what the auto shop guyâs name was. He barely recalled the name of the place, either, he just knew where it was and always went there because Appa went there.Â
âI really appreciate it,â Alex said, reaching for his hand to take the keys. âYou didnât have to do that. I know itâs a boring errand and it wasnât even your carââ
âYeah but you need your car working.â
âOh yeah sorry didnât mean to disturb your beauty sleep,â she teased.
âYou can disturb it anyâ uh, I mean itâs not a big deal or anything,â he said, shifting tone mid-sentence. Goddamnit talking to her in front of Hoseok and trying not to push any buttons was annoying. He never thought about these things before because things were so casual and easy and fun with Alex but now having to second guess everything he said to her was exhausting. âItâs fine, Iâm your roommate, thatâs what weâre good for.â
Hoseok butted in again, âShe was telling me how hard you are to wake up,â he laughed. âI told her she should have called me! I was already up and getting ready for my shift anyway, I could have swung by and picked her up.â
âNah, no need to go out of your way, I was right there.â He hadnât released her keys, still holding them above her head to see if sheâd jump, or if he could taunt her into punching him. Would she do that in front of her boyfriend?
She did. Right in the stomach, though not enough to do any damage. He doubled over in mock pain just so he could grab her hand for a second, then let her wrestle the keys out of his fingers as he laughed.
âWhat happens if an employee assaults a customer in here?â he joked.Â
Hoseok laughed, âSorry, you know, I donât work in corporate anymore and this isnât my shopâŠâ He seemed so nice and friendly when he said it, but Jungkook wasnât sure whether to trust that or not. Honestly, were the roles reversed right now, heâd be seething with jealousy, having a hot guy like Jungkook grab his girlfriendâs fist into his stomach and knot their fingers together when she stole the keys from himâ
Look, Jungkook had never claimed not to be an asshole.
âThis is my shop,â Alex insisted. âI make the law here.â
âOoh scary. Iâm so threatened.â Jungkook took her keys right out of her hand again and held it above her head.
âWhatever,â she scoffed, âYou have to use it to get home anyway.â
His head tilted and he lowered the keys, âOh, you arenât coming?â
âWell my plan was to head to Hoseokâs place to nap until dinner time.â
âYeah sameâ I mean, not at Hoseokâs,â Jungkook corrected.Â
âYouâre welcome to join,â Hoseok suggested. He thought Hoseokâs smile was a little forced. But so was his as he realized now that heâd come here not only for nothing, but that he was supposed to awkwardly leave alone. In Alexâs car. So he could go home and nap alone in his bed while Alex went and probably fucked Hobi and then took a nap afterwards. And heâd meet them for dinner and be the one at the table who knew theyâd both worked that morning and then had a little afternoon fuckâandânap. And he was the one whoâd spent the morning at the car shop with her car ânot for a sexual favor or anything but still! Still.Â
Alex must have realized it too, how pathetic he was, because she looked guilty as she rushed out, âShit, I feel bad you came all the way here to get me⊠I didnât ask you to!â
âYeah, you didnât say you were calling Hoseok, I didnât want to leave you stranded since i had your carââ
âAnd I told you not to do that! You really didnât have to, itâs so nice but you didnât have toââ
âUh, thatâs what friends do. Why are you being weird about it?â he demanded because she was making him seem weird about it.Â
âNo I know, I really appreciate it.â
âYeah, sounds like it,â he frowned. âK, Iâll take your car home. See you tonight. Guess you have a ride to that tooââ
âJungkook, why are you sulkingââ
âIâm not sulking. Iâm tired and Iâm going home now.â
âJungkookâŠâ
He didnât like the way she sighed his name and this was embarrassing, there was no graceful way to exit the situation. Anything made him look either dopey or dumb. It didnât help that they followed him out of the store, and that Alex bumped into him playfully on the way to Hoseokâs car.
âSeriously, I appreciate it. I owe you a big inconvenient errand too now. And you can wake me up at an ungodly hour, I wonât even be mad. And I can give you the money, show me the exact amount and Iâll transfer it to you today.â
âYeah, youâve got it?â
She whispered, âYeah itâs been a little easier to save since Hoseok pays for a lot of stuff, you know? Plus you shouldnât be out for my car. Iâll give you a tip too, Iâll pay you extra!â
âDonât give me a tip,â he quickly frowned. âI donât work for you.â
âI know, butââ
âIâm just your friend. You donât have to make it weird. I was just trying to be nice when you asked me for a favor.â
âYou are nice. I know. Now go nap, Iâll see you tonight, ok? Donât bail on me!â
Iâm not the one who bails he mumbled to himself, and got into her car alone and drove himself home alone.Â
***
âSo thereâs Jimin three plates inââ
âSamples. Samples! Not plates!â
âAnd me and the baker come out of the back where she was showing me the kitchen, and the girl working is so confused why Jimin is sitting at this table eating all this cakeââ
âI thought those were our samples!â Jimin complained, covering his face.
âYou thought youâd just sit at a table and help yourself to a bunch of cake sitting on it?â Inâam laughed. âYou didnât think it mattered what I thought about each flavor?â
âI left you some of each oneâŠâ
âSo what were the cakes actually for?â Luisa asked.
âTaste test for the new menu,â Jimin sighed. âBut I gave the baker my feedback so⊠so no harm done!â
Inâam snickered, âExcept for the massive stomach ache you got after we finished the tasting.â
âYeah, I never eat that much sugar. Only for you!â
âSuch a sacrifice, duly noted,â Alex offered by way of keeping things moving along.Â
Dinner was not what she had expected, to say the least. Jungkook had shown up, so that was at least one good surprise, because heâd sulked home so hard earlier she thought he might have locked himself in his bedroom. Then Taehyung and Sabina canceled at the last second, and Namjoon kept saying he was on his way but was running majorly late. Seokjin had brought Luisa, which was another good surprise âHoseok explained Seokjin was so nervous about meeting new people he needed more of a teddy bear to cling to than Hoseok could be since heâd be by Alexâs side, and Alex had wanted to ask why he felt like he had to choose, but she liked Luisa so it wasnât a problem! And Luisa was the one to suggest the backup restaurant when theyâd shown up to the first âto the sushi place the guys had fallen in love with while Alex was out of town with Hoseokâ only to find it unexpectedly shut down for healthcode violations. Yikes.
People bailing on dinner wouldnât have been such a problem except that bringing Seokjin along felt to Alex like a further step in merging her friend groups, and she wanted a good showing. She had hoped Hoseok and Seokjin would like the sushi place though thank fuck she hadnât given them food poisoning. Luisaâs backup tapas place was fun though, the food was great, and they didnât even have to wait too long for a table on a Saturday night. There was a coin fountain and Alex got the hostess to turn a dollar into pennies and then convinced Jungkook to do trick shots with her at the fountain until their nails hurt. Everyone wound up giving it a try and Jungkook had looked predictably smug when heâd been able to land a good shot, though Seokjin had the clinch flick, apparently, and Luisa had made a joke about it that made Seokjin cover his face.Â
And the food was great, the sangria was greater. Everything was fine. Why did Alex feel like it wasnât? She felt so on edge, like there was some expectation on her to make this go perfectly. This was always how it felt after there was any kind of awkward moment with Hoseok or Jungkook, even just a mixup about who was picking her up after work, and it was exhausting. But she recognized that it didnât mean it was actually a problem. Everyone was fine now. It wasnât her job to make things perfect!
âBut what I want to know,â she said, âWhy didnât the girl working the counter say something when you just started eating all that cake?â
Hoseok waved his hand to answer first, âAh, I read a study about that! If you pretend you know what youâre doing, people believe you and they wonât interfere.â
âOr she just wanted to see what would happen,â Jungkook suggested.
âAh, I couldnât do that,â Hoseok laughed. âYou have to keep an eye on people! Iâve had people âwe give out samples at work sometimes and theyâll just come pick up the entire tray. Or they grab ten of the little cups. Thatâs more than a whole croissant!â
âWe have to watch people too. If someone comes in and starts lifting merchandise, I have to stop them,â Jungkook argued. He sounded defensive and Alex didnât know why. Maybe because he definitely took multiple samples if given the chance.
âWell thereâs mall security,â Alex pointed out. âThey donât expect you to intervene in a robbery, right?â
âOh, do phone stores get robbed?!â Luisa gasped. Alex watched the conflict on Jungkookâs face because it was pretty funny. His fuckboy instincts told him to say yes and lean into the admiration this could bring, but he also clearly marked Luisa as Seokjinâs girlfriend (they were not, at least not yet) and he seemed to want to get along well with Seokjin. Which she appreciated. Although it was weird to watch Jungkook try not to shamelessly flirt with someone. The loss of entertainment was tragic so that she almost clarified Luisaâs single status to grease the wheels but something stopped her. Maybe theyâd actually gone official. Maybe Jungkook was picking up on something she was oblivious to.
Instead he turned it on the poor waitress, who seemed to be tripping over herself to make his meal a good one, always talking to him as if he was the head of their group. When he asked her lowly for another drink, just water this time, she leaned in and asked him to repeat it. Alex did not think it needed to be repeated.
âYou didnât like the sangria?â Jimin asked him, because obviously the whole table had been able to hear his order. âItâs so good. Itâs better than that shit you guys made in the sink.â
âHey! That was⊠drinkable!â Alex defended.
âIn the sink?!â Luisa repeated. âYou donât have a bowl?!â
âNot as big as a sink!â
âI saw this TikTok, they made sangria in the bathtubââ Seokjin began, which Jungkook picked up with, âYeah, the one where the guy gets in it naked?â
âGross!!â
âI donât think anyone drank it but the guy,â Seokjin laughed. âStillâŠâ
âThat was always a rule my mom taught me, donât drink anything your butt has been in,â Hoseok joked. Alex could just envision it; she hadnât met his mother yet but sheâd heard plenty of stories and seen pictures by now. His mom seemed kind and fun and no-nonsense in a way she hoped she would be able to get along well with. Assuming they met, of course. But they probably would. Eventually. Oh god. Soon Hoseok would meet her mother for her birthday dinner with her family.
Oh god it already made her nervous⊠her mom could be so nosy!Â
Namjoon interrupted her premature panic with his sudden arrival, even though the food was almost gone; he appeared out of nowhere and slid into the empty chair at the foot of the table.
âShit, sorry Iâm so late, that wasâŠâ
âWhat happened?â Jimin asked.
âOh, hi Iâm NamjoonâŠâ he paused to introduce himself before sighing, âI was going to bring this girl Iâve gone on a couple dates with now, but a pipe burst in my house, so I was there trying to mop it up and sheâs sitting on her phone and starts asking me all these questions about hey, do I know a Jungkook Jeonââ
All eyes turned to Jungkook, whose own eyes went very wide, mouth open wide for the bite of chorizo on toasted bread he was about to shovel in.
Namjoon nodded, âUh huh. Happen to know a Seychelle?â
âNot Seashell!â Alex gasped. âYouâve been dating her?!â
âUmâŠâ Jungkook looked like he was starting to sweat. âYeahâŠâ He kicked Alex under the table.
âYeah, turns out she didnât realize we know each other âwhich I donât fucking understand how because Iâm on your Instagram, and how many Namjoons does she think live around here?! But she was like âoh wait that was your bathroom!â when I brought her into my house to deal with the flood and I didnât know what she was talking aboutâŠâ
Jungkook hastily swallowed his massive bite, choking a little; Alex handed him her own water because his was empty and he chugged the lump down before insisting, âIâm not dating her though. You can still date her if you want.â
âKind of you, man, thanks for your permissionââ
âNo! I mean, it doesnât have to be weird just because I uh⊠know her in the biblical senseâ I mean, sheâs good, right? SO yeah man, get it! Good for you! Sheâs uh⊠a nice girl!â
âOh my god,â Jimin cackled and covered his face as Alex let hers slump into the crook of her elbow on the table.
âNo, not good for me.â
Inâam arched her eyebrow and asked, âWhy, you have a problem with a woman with history?â
âWhat? No!â Namjoon defended. âI donât care about that⊠I mean⊠itâs not like itâs a competition between us,â he said, gesturing to Jungkook.
âYeah Iâm sure youâre ok in bed,â Jungkook assured him. He looked delighted. Alex thought he was probably eager for Namjoon to not be mad at him, though Alex felt like it wouldnât have been fair. It wasnât Jungkookâs fault heâd fucked a lot of womenâ ok, well, that was his fault, but being fucked (past tense) by Jungkook shouldnât exclude a woman from a datable list for anyone else. Especially because uh, that list was pretty long. There might not be a lot of single women left in the tri-city area if you had to filter that list outâŠ
For a brief moment Alex wondered how many women he had actually fucked. Like what was the actual real number, not just the joking numbers they talked about? Fifty? Eighty? Over a hundred? Two hundred?!
It made her stomach twist, which was embarrassing because she didnât want to be slut shamy of Jungkook. She wasnât! She admired and supported his slutty behavior. Sometimes he got free stuff because of it and she got to benefit! Good for him! She wasnât sure why it made her feel a little sick, but decided it was more about her own lack of experience. It made her feel insufficient. Lacking. She knew that didnât make any sense but she glanced at him and just thought he knows things about sex and bodies I will never be able to keep up with. Not that it was a competition or anything but just⊠he was on such a whole different level. He probably knows more about a womanâs body than I ever will and I HAVE a womanâs bodyâŠ
âIâm incredible in bed,â Namjoon glowered. âBut Seychelle wonât get to experience it again âwhich she will regret, believe meâ because suddenly she had all these questions about you.â
Jungkookâs brow scrunched up as he demanded, âWhat questions?â
âWanted to know why you dropped off the face of the earth. Apparently you havenât updated your instagram in a month and havenât been posting on snap chat and whatever else, I donât know, she was just clearly more interested in knowing what you were up to than focusing onâ man, I went on like three dates with her and thought she was cool,â Namjoon sighed and let his head hang.
âIâm sorry,â Jungkook said. âThat sucks. If it helps, um⊠well maybe you can just tell me who youâre going on a date with first and I can let you know if Iâve ever uh met them before, if it matters to you.â
âIt doesnât matter to me as long as they arenât comparing us or thinking of you the whole time or whatever. Itâs fucked up! Sorry,â he said to Luisa.Â
Luisa quickly insisted, âI think you have dodged a blade, if she is so concerned about someone else and instagram. She goes on three dates with you and is still asking about another man? It sounds like you arenât looking for the same thing I think?â
âDodged a blade,â Alex repeated. âThat is so much cooler sounding than dodged a bullet.â
Suddenly Jungkook added, âAlso hey if you want help meeting women, I can help you out. I helped Alex, you know.â
âWhat?! You did not!â Alex guffawed.
âUh, I did. I tried at least. You kept shitting on everyone I showed you.â
âYeah, heâs not good, donât let him help you,â Alex said to Namjoon. âI found Hoseok on my own, hands down better than anyone Jungkook showed me.â
âYou donât know that because you didnât date any of them.â
Jimin grinned and rested his chin on his hand, urging, âTell us more about your great taste in men, JK.â
âWell, no, I just mean⊠I have a lot of contacts. I can make introductions. Honestly. Itâs the least I can do for uh, interfering⊠even though I donât think I actually did anything wrong hereâŠâ
âMaybe you should fuck less good and then women will be relieved to meet Namjoon since heâs clearly better boyfriend material,â Alex suggested without thinking.
âAh, thanks babe,â Jungkook winked at her and clicked his tongue. Then froze, eyes going wide as he noticed Hoseok, and stammered, âUh, I meanâŠâ
âI didnât mean that as a compliment!â Alex cried, realizing her own mistake. âI mean, I donât even know how you are, maybe youâre bad and Seychelle justââ
âIâm not bad,â Jungkook defended.
â--wanted to know if Namjoon would be bad by association.â
âShe already knew I was good,â Namjoon argued, reaching forward to take uneaten food from plates.
âWow, really? By date three? Ah, Iâm so glad youâre slower to move like me,â Hoseok said to Alex, which meant he missed Namjoonâs facial reaction. It was not pleased.Â
Seokjin quickly suggested, âI think he meant just that if you move quickly maybe she thought it was casual sex and thatâs why she could ask about Jungkook⊠were you exclusive?â
âNo, not after three dates butâŠâ
âThree dates isnât too soon to fuck,â Jimin argued, earning a look of amused disbelief from Inâam. âCome on, how long did we wait? It felt like an eternity butâŠâ
âFive dates.â
âYeah, an eternity. Would have been two if Iâd had my wayâŠâ
âYes, thatâs all I meant,â Hoseok quickly insisted. âYou waited until she was ready because you were serious. We did the same. I donât know, maybe Iâm too slow! Iâm slow about things like thatâŠâ
Alex took his hand beneath the table and grinned at him, âThatâs ok though, I am too. Glacially slow.â
âYes but you just need to find someone who is compatible with you,â Luisa advised. âIf youâre both fast or youâre both slow, itâs all right. No one is confused.â
âWell but fast and slow can work together,â Jungkook argued. âA relationship involves compromise. The fast person can slow down and be reassured in other ways that the other person is serious about them even if they want to go slow. Thatâs not a problem.â
Alex stared at him, baffled, and demanded, âWho have you gone slow for? Who are you and what have you done with Jungkook?!â
âIâm just saying I could and would go slow. For the right person! Jimin, Namjoon, any of us, right? Youâd have to be a piece of shit to rush a woman who didnât want to be rushedââ
âBut you move too fast to figure out if a woman is the right person,â Jimin laughed. âYouâre fucking her so quickly, maybe afterwards youâre like oh shit, she was the one but I already blew itâŠâ
Jungkookâs smile had a degree of shyness to it as he laughed, âNo no that hasnât happened.â
âYes, our resident relationship expert,â Namjoon muttered. âI hate when you give decent advice.â
âOh god, Joon, donât take relationship advice from him!â Alex gasped. âTalk to literally anyone else in our friend group.â
âHey, I give good advice,â Jungkook scowled at her.
âAbout getting laid, not about falling in love. If I had taken your adviceâŠâ
He looked genuinely upset now and pressed, âWhat bad advice did I give you?â
âYou told me to have sex fast and stop thinking so much about it!â
At the groans around the table, Jungkook defended, âOk wait wait thatâs out of context, I didnât say that. Donât say that, that makes me sound bad! I only give you good and careful advice and look, now you have a boyfriend youâre happy with so why are you blaming me?â
âIâm just saying.â
âThe purple thing, right? I told you just to wear anything that would make you comfortable and heâd like it. I encouraged you! I was right about that too, right?â
âPurple thing?â Hoseok repeated, eyebrow arching, and Alex wanted to crawl under the table. Oops. Oops oops fucking oops, this was not where sheâd meant the conversation to go.
âOk ok youâre right, Iâm just joking,â she insisted. âYou gave me good advice. I know. You can listen to him, Joon.â
âMaybe you should get relationship advice from people in successful relationships,â Jimin suggested.
âOr just follow your own heart,â Inâam countered.Â
âAsk a woman,â Luisa added. âOh, unless you also date men?â
âIâ why? Do I give off those vibes?â Namjoon asked her skeptically. Luisa shrugged.
Jimin snickered, âWhy, Joon? Someone else say that to you recently?â Namjoon sighed and rolled his eyes as Jimin happily shared, âHeâs been getting hit on men a lot. Apparently Iâm a pretty good wingmanâŠâ
âI know men! I can introduce you,â Jungkook tried, like he had something to prove here.
âIâm not paying for any of this food,â Namjoon announced and continued to stuff his face.
Hoseok suddenly leaned in close to Alexâs ear and asked, âWhat purple thing?â
âOh, itâs⊠itâs nothing⊠a thing I bought to wear on our trip but I wound up not needing it.â She beamed at him, remembering how easy and comfortable she had felt with him⊠eventually. âSomething fun for another day.â
âAnd your roommate saw this purple thing? Is it the kind of purple thing I think you meanâŠâ
Alex froze. Obviously she should not admit to her boyfriend âpost kissâ that Jungkook had in fact seen her in the lingerie she had bought to wear for Hoseok. But she also didnât want to lie to her boyfriend.
âLingerie,â she whispered back. âItâs just something nice I ordered because a girl he was with had something like it and recommendedâ I can show youââÂ
Liar liar liar!
She broke off as Hoseok suddenly sat taller, his face lighting up as the live band across the restaurant suddenly made a comment about salsa dancing taking place in the building behind the restaurant. Â
âNo,â Seokjin sighed, looking instantly between Luisa and Hoseok.
âYou dance?â Inâam asked, then waved her hand at Hoseok, âOf course, Alex told us all about you used to dance.â
âThe dancing is just starting, thereâs no rush.â
Alex let out a deep sigh. Hoseok seemed to have instantly forgotten the question and she could avoid answering it for now, at least until more time was between that kiss and now. It had been over a month now and yet she still felt like she was a matador when Jungkook and Hoseok were in the same place.
She was tired of that. Both had said they would be simple and good. Why didnât it feel simple and good yet? She wanted that to stop now, thanks.Â
In fact, it was going to. Enough was enough! She wasnât going to stretch herself awkwardly like this. Tightrope walker? She wasnât born for that. They were going to have to sort their own shit because everything was fine and she was not going to enable awkwardness a moment longer!
So she clapped her hands on the table and agreed, âYeah, letâs dance! I canât dance for shit but letâs do it and I hope my boyfriend doesnât dump me over it!â
âNoooo donât even joke like that, of course you have my heart no matter how badly you dance.â
She felt an instant flush. His words left her briefly speechless, they were so sweet, leaving her to scramble to throw her card down when it came time to pay and finish drinks and avoid looking at anyone so she wouldnât burst into flames.Â
Hoseok put his hands on her shoulder to steer her forward and leaned in close to whisper, âDonât worry, I mean it. Iâll teach you all I know. Maybe later you can show me something purple.â
*
Honestly, Alex thought Hoseok might have gone out of his way to fluster her the rest of the evening. His dancing was intimidating to witness. He made it look so easy to move in ways her body simply couldnât keep up with. He was sweet and encouraging as he taught her steps, and laughed with her when sheâd feel awkward sliding her hands down her body or up into the air, or when he did it for her. But it was worth the slight embarrassment to watch him move.
At one point she sat out for a while; she pleaded with him to dance with Luisa instead so she could rehydrate with Seokjin at the edge of the dance floor. Hoseok was reluctant at first but Alex insisted, swore it wasnât a jealousy thing, begged to just watch him dance for a while, and she didnât regret that even if the awe was definitely mixed with envy. Luisa was as graceful and natural as he was, and their bodies seemed to roll and spin and bend together.Â
It kind of felt like grief, honestly. Her body wouldnât look or move like Luisaâs, even if she dedicated all her time to trying, and usually that didnât bother her but right now the dream of being able to move like that kind of got to her. It was one thing not to want something because you didnât care. It was another to feel like it was beyond your reach. Hoseok clearly loved dancing and Alex sucked. She would never be able to keep up with him.Â
âWhy are you sitting out?â Jungkook asked, suddenly at her other elbow.
âWhy are you sitting out?â she countered. âNotice you havenât been short a partner.â
He feigned sheepishness, âWell, you know, thereâs always more women than men at these thingsâŠâ
âCollecting phone numbers as souvenirs?â
âWhy is he dancing without you though?â he asked, gaze fixated, like hers was, on Hoseok and Luisa.
âI wanted a break. I canât keep up with him! And I wanted to see what it looks like to really watch him go⊠isnât he beautiful?â
âIf you say so,â Jungkook shrugged.
âCome on, objectively speaking.â
âObjectively speaking, he fucked up letting you out of his sight. Come dance with me now.â
âWhat? Wait, no, this is my breakâ Kookieeee,â she whined to be as annoying as possible as he grabbed her arm and dragged her out.Â
She looked back to Seokjin for help but he just laughed, âIâll guard your water!âÂ
âHow come he gets to sit down?â
âFine, Iâll dance with him next,â Jungkook joked, then turned to face her. She didnât like how smoothly he did it, lower lip taught, a mischievous glint in his eye.Â
âDonât do fancy things, I canât keep up.â
âI donât know fancy things.â
She scowled at him, âThatâs not true, I saw you dancing.â
âOh you were watching me, huh?â he arched his eyebrow. âCome on, hand up,â he said, reclaiming one of her hands and lifting the other to his ribs.Â
âIâm tiredââ
âOne dance, Alex. He already taught you the step. Back two three, forward two threeââ
âIâm not that fast,â she complained because unfortunately Jungkook, just like Hoseok, made it look easy. She knew he could dance well but really? Even salsa? He moved so fluidly, hips swaying attractively as he dragged her forward and backwards. What had happened to the awkward stiff way he moved as a teenager? This sucked. Heâd changed and she hadnât. Everything was stupid.
âThatâs ok. One two three, two two three. Back two three, front two threeââ
âDonât count, it doesnât actually help me it just stresses me outââ
âOk ok no counting,â he assured her. Hoseok had been counting and she hadnât realized it bothered her but Jungkook doing it now brought back that same insistent, disappointed voice in her ear âwhich was a horrible way to think about your boyfriend trying to teach you how to dance!! But she couldnât keep up and as patient and sweet as Hoseok was about it, she knew she was holding him back. She didnât like feeling like she was holding someone back. Sheâd rather watch from the sidelines. But then Jungkook had stolen her from there.
Suddenly Jungkook nudged her side to side instead of back and forth.
âI look like a Barbie doll trying to do this,â she joked. âItâs the only time in my life I look like a barbie doll. My legs are like âyou know the way their legs donât really bend.â
âYouâre doing great,â he insisted. She could tell by his vacant look he was counting in his head.Â
âYou know I have no rhythm.â
âJustââ
âIf you tell me to âjust feel the rhythmâ I will punch you in the nuts.â
âAh did Hoseokâ heâs very good.â
âI know, I told you.â
âBut youâre good too. Itâs just supposed to be funââ
âYou canât even say that with a straight face,â she glowered.
He leaned a little lower and kept an intentionally straight face as he repeated, âItâs just supposed to be fun.â
âDancing is fun for people like you who can do it.â
âItâs not that different than swing,â he said, and suddenly lifted her hand and spun her in a circle. As he returned his hand to her ribs, he accidentally brushed her tit. âOops. Sorry.â He didnât look sorry.
âDid you learn to dance just so you can cop a feel with girls on the dance floor?â
âNot girls with boyfriends,â he promised. Then, âHey. Stop trying to count in your head, youâre getting confused.â
âHow can you tell?âÂ
He laughed, âYour face goes blank.â
âNo yours does! Stop talking, Iâm hopeless at keeping up thenââ
âAlex.â He stopped her, just made them both stand still right there in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of all the people swaying and spinning and gyrating around them. It felt terrible. It was so wrong to be standing still and awkward in the middle of that. She felt like a rock, like a big slow solitary rock. âSee?â
âSee what?! This is so awkward,â she said, and pushed him to try to get him to dance.
âNothing happens if you dance wrong. Itâs only awkward if youâre worried about the other people. Who gives a fuck? It doesnât matter if youâre on time with the music or look like a professional or whatever it is youâre so afraid of.â
âI donât care what other people think. Stop being weirdââ
âThen stop counting and just have fun. We look stupid at home, we can look stupid here, it doesnât matter.â
âSpeak for yourself.â
âThat it doesnât matter?â
âYou donât look stupid,â she pouted.
âAnd no one who matters thinks you look stupid either. Except when you make that ugly face while you count in your headââ
âShut up!â she laughed and stopped counting to prove a point. Her moves were off the beat, she could tell. She was clumsy following his lead, even though he was just nudging her forward and back and side to side with an embarrassing predictability âexcept nowhere near the beat. Totally of it it. Just a mess. But as soon as sheâd start to get uncomfortable dancing wrong, heâd spin her and that was fun; for a second she felt like a dainty lady, though she wished she had a nice swirly skirt on or heels or something besides white jeans and sneakers. Yeah, she was wearing white jeans! And she hadnât dumped anything on them yet! Hallelujah, it was a miracle âas miraculous as the fact that she was laughing as Jungkook spun her out and then back in, his arms wrapped around her from behind.
âOops, your toe.â
âThatâs ok, donât need âem.â
âNo?â
âConversation starter,â he joked. âWomen love to pity a man.â
âWell men donât love a dance partner who looks like a fucking Nutcracker.â
âItâs a unique styleâ hey are you going to puke on me if I dip you?â
âWhy would I puke on youâ but no donât!â
âOk ok.â He pretended like he was going to anyway and she grabbed onto his upper arms so tight that she had to actually disengage her finger muscles. âI wouldnât drop you, kitten,â he complained.Â
âIâm not a cat.â She swallowed. Kitten should be on the list of unapproved nicknames for sure.
âYou are such a cat.â
âIâll just land on my head and crack my head openââ
âI would never allow that to happen.â
âAccidents happen, I go down hardââ
âOops, this way,â he suddenly said, and practically lifted her from the floor to turn her away from where theyâd almost bumped into another couple. They were probably hard to predict because they were so off rhythm. She couldnât believe Jungkook would tolerate looking this clunky on the dance floor when there were possible lays watching, but he seemed to be having a great time.
And honestly, she was too. As long as she didnât look at anyone else or think about them looking at her, it was fun to play with Jungkook. It was fun to have his attention. It was fun for those brief moments where the stars aligned and he managed to push or pull or spin her in a way that made her feel like she looked cool. She looked cool with one of the most attractive guys in the room. For the moment, she was the chosen one.
Jungkookâs voice threatened to pull her out as he interrupted her Star Moment to say, âHey, you know itâs ok to follow your own rhythm, right? You donât have to match someone elseâs if you donât want to.â
It was so strange it made her pause and look up at him, fumbling the step so that she stayed put and he stepped into her, pressing her race right into that musclebunny chest of his. It sounded like a line from a movie. Scripted. It didnât sound like Jungkook at all and yet it⊠did? An older, more mature, less recognizable Jungkook?
What the fuck was going on with him, giving fortunte cookie advice like that?!Â
âI turn my back for two minutes,â Hoseok laughed, coming up to them. âI didnât mean to leave you bored! You said you wanted a break!â
Jungkook stepped backwards and was immediately separated from them by other dancing couples. It was dramatic and unnecessary. It wasnât like Hoseok was mad or could be mad just because she danced with a friend. She could dance with Jimin and Namjoon and Seokjin too, it was fine. Jungkook wasnât in trouble!Â
But she felt a little in trouble too. A little guilty over being so winded from dancing and laughing and spinning. It was less stressful to dance with Jungkook. Because she wasnât as worried about impressing him! Or keeping up! Would Hoseok notice sheâd had more fun with her friend? Oops. Itâs just that it felt like dancing with her was less of a sacrifice to Jungkook⊠or somethingâŠ
To banish the guilt, she danced with Hoseok again even though she was really feeling done. She did her best to keep up. She tried to match her counting to his. But her body was just always a little too slow and stiff; she was always a beat behind and her hips didnât sway so wiggly like that and she didnât have the confidence to smolder the way you were supposed to when you danced salsa. She wanted to look at Hoseok with sexy bedroom eyes, so he would know, and so anyone watching would know, that they had great sex and he enjoyed being with her, even though her dancing didnât come close to his. She didnât want the people who watched him dance with such obvious admiration to then see them dance together and wonder what he was thinking. They probably were thinking that. Why wouldnât they be?
But Hoseok, to his credit, didnât seem to be thinking it. He got a little tense during the dancing itself, but when they decided to call it a night âlong after Jungkook had left after taking some pictures âfor Seychelleâ, after Namjoon got lost in conversation with some new woman he met and disappeared, long after Alex begged to be set free and made herself comfortable at the table with Seokjin and refused to budgeâ when finally it was time to go, Hoseok threw his arm around her shoulder all smiles, kissed the top of her head, and deemed,
âThat was fun, right?â
âSo fun.â
âYou coming home with me now?â
âI sure hope so but I am definitely going to want to use your shower.â
âCanât handle a little more sweat firstâŠ.?â He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she caved in theory⊠but when they got to his place, insisted on showering first anyway, pointing out that she didnât want to get into his bed all sweaty. See, she could get her way too, she just needed to speak Hoseokâs language! Nothing wrong with a shower before and a shower after sex! Being clean and orgasmed was as nice as the way his hands rubbed her tight calves afterwards.
âIâm not a dancer,â she laughed, embarrassed by his caretaking but not enough to ask him to stop. It was sweet and domestic, curled up in bed with him, both of them freshly (separately!) showered, his fingers pressing out the sore spots from her legs.
âAh well Iâm happy you danced so much with me even if you donât like it.â
âI like it! Iâm just not very good. I feel bad I canât keep up with you yet.â
âThatâs ok, I just like dancing with you,â he insisted and she blossomed at the reassurance. He was sweet. Why had she let herself get so self conscious about holding angel Hobi back? He didnât mind at all. It wasnât like heâd dump her for being bad at salsa! She looked down and felt glad she had just shaved that day; the smoothness of her legs really only lasted twenty-four hours.Â
âHey,â he said. At first she thought he was about to tell her she missed a spot shaving, but his voice sounded more serious than that. âDid you see Jungkookâs instagram tonight?â
âHuh? No, why? He post something thirsty?â
Hoseok looked to the side and she flinched at her own joke because he didnât seem to be very amused.
âI donât want to cause problems,â he said. âIâm trying to ignore ah⊠I know you said you talked to him, and he had that awkward talk with me tooâŠâ Right, the thing at the concert was crazy awkward. She couldnât believe it when Hoseok had told her about it, that Jungkook had done that. And yet it had also greatly endeared him to her. Heâd been willing to do that motifying thing to try and not cause problems between her and her boyfriend? It was sweet. It was such a real Jungkook thing to do.
Now she worried what the latest âreal Jungkookâ thing was though and grabbed her phone to see for herself. She hadnât been looking at other peopleâs social media much lately, mostly just posting happy pictures of her own relationship, excited to be part of that lifestyle for once.
Sure enough, Seychelleâs comment that Jungkook hadnât been posting lately was true; he had nothing for nearly a month before his most recent post: a photo Alex thought was harmless other than being a weird fit for his page. The aesthetic was all wrong. Jungkook had a rule about never posting a photo of just himself with another woman; said it blocked his game, whereas group photos of him with attractive groups of people made women speculate and reach out about if he was still single or not.Â
So then what the fuck was up with this photo, which was just the two of them? Not anyone else in the group, just Jungkook and Alex, him behind her with an arm around her upper chest and a big grin on his face, her winking and pointing at the camera.Â
âOh thatâs a cute picture of⊠um⊠me,â she blurted out, barely saving it halfway through.Â
âIt is,â Hoseok agreed, eyes closed like he couldnât believe sheâd said that.
âSorry, I meant⊠well, Iâm cute in it.â
âYou are,â he agreed. But she was distracted now by the caption.Â
Salsa night: no gochu left behind.
âItâs a joke aboutââ
âIâm Korean, Alex, I know what gochu means.â
âYeah but itâs not about his dick, itâs aboutâ he used to call me um, gochu-noona becauseââ
âAlex.â
âBecause our families compete about who makes the spiciest food and my family always wins and Iâm like a week older than him,â she said. âSeriously.â
âWhat are you doing,â she sighed, looking through the list. Honestly she had no clue how that might look to someone else, because it was a lot of inside jokes, or nonsense, or generic. Or whatever. She didnât know! Honestly if Hoseok wasnât looking at her like that she might not have thought anything of it on her own.
But yeah. It was kind of a weird post when it completely broke the careful aesthetic of his page. And the tags were less mocking than they should have been.
And beneath it:
Avettegrace: awww looking good is that your little sister?
TheJK.97: definitely not
Definitely not?? What did that mean? In this context?
âI donât know, heâs being weird,â she said. âMaybe he was jealous I only danced with him the one time.â
Hoseokâs mouth turned down as he nodded and pulled his hands off her legs.
âOh no, the unhappy frownâŠâ
âI just thinkâŠâ He sighed and wouldnât look at her. âIt feels like heâs baiting me.â
âFor why?â
âAlex⊠donât make me say it againâŠâ
âCome on, heâs notâŠâ
âHeâs in love with you,â Hoseok said. âHeâs so obvious about it. Heâs not even trying to hide it anymore. âWe look good af, no ego just truth?â âFav with my fav?â Did you even notice the way he grabbed you when I walked over when you were dancing?â
âHe didnât grab me, I just stopped dancing and he ran into me.â
âHe was all over youââ
âHe wasnât and stop saying that,â she snapped. âThatâs not fair. Iâm allowed to dance with my friend.â
Hoseok gestured with his hands, âYeah you are but Iâm worried if you still donât think itâs obvious.â
âItâs not obvious because Iâm telling you it doesnât mean that. Weâre just friends. Iâm sorry if itâs upsetting you or making you jealous, Iâm trying so hard not to do that, but I donât think itâs fair if youâre telling me I canâtââ
âI havenât said you canât do anything,â Hoseok interrupted. âHave I? I think Iâm being really understanding. You live with this guy! You keep saying heâs your best friend, but if thatâs true, whereâs his respect for your relationship? I think heâs trying to make me look like a jealous asshole so youâll run right to him.â
âHobi. He canât lie his way out of a paper bag, thereâs no way he can pull off a manipulation of that level.â
âHeâs a total fuckboy!â
âOk thatâs the second time tonight youâve been kind of Puritan,â Alex said.
He looked sincerely chastised at least, âSorry. I donât mean it like that⊠I just mean⊠his whole thing is manipulating women.â
âItâs not. Heâs very upfront with what he wants, and a lot of women want that too. He wouldnât last a day if he tried to lie to women.â
âBut you thought this was off when you read it just a minute ago,â Hoseok insisted.Â
âIâŠâ She looked at the photo and the caption again, at the comments gathering beneath.Â
Is this like a sponsored post for noom or something? Who tf is this girl?
As quickly as she saw it, suddenly the comment was gone. Jungkook or someone else was actively looking at the comments right now and deleting them. But that didnât mean Alex didnât know they were there. Was it stupid that for a moment sheâd lived in a world where it was just a cute picture of her and her friend and the world was not shitty and he had not cultivated a gathering of shitty shallow people whoâd immediately point out the non-aesthetic addition to his page? Maybe people thought the same thing when they saw her with Hoseok, but he cultivated a circle of sunshine and love and support and she felt safe in it. Accepted. Except for a night like tonight when she was clearly an anchor on Hoseokâs beautifully dancing ankle, she was beginning to feel like she could look right with him. Yes, the dancing had been a step backwards, but honestly dancing with Jungkook had soothed her wounded ego in a way she couldnât have articulated at the time.
âLook,â she tried, âMaybe he posted this tonight trying to be a good friend⊠he knew I was feeling a little um⊠just kinda down on myself because I canât dance the way you do.â
Hoseokâs tone change was instant, expression too as he reached for her hand, âWait, what?â
âYouâre a beautiful dancer, and I love watching you! But itâs stressful and hard trying to keep up and you kept trying to count but it didnât really help, it just made me more stressed⊠so thatâs why Jungkook was dancing with me, because he saw I felt kind of⊠bad about myself.â
âAlex,â he frowned, and scooted closer. âWhy didnât you tell me? I donât want to make you feel bad about yourself! I love dancing, but I really love dancing with you, no matter how experienced you are.â
âI donât think experience is the issue,â she snorted.
âThatâs fine. I donât need you to be a star dancer. I just really enjoyed dancing with you!â
It was sweet. He was saying the right thing.
And yet it just wasnât quite as comforting as Jungkook taking her hand and saying stop worrying about the beat, stop worrying about other people, just do some little spins with me, see? Fun!
It was fun.Â
âOK. I know. I had a lot of fun too.â
âIf Iâm doing anything to make you feel bad, please tell me right away! I want to know and fix it!â
Alex didnât want to be overwhelmed with him trying to belatedly soothe her. Jungkook had already done that, and it was fine. Hoseok didnât understand what it was like to be on this side of the relationship; he didnât know what it was like to be the Alex. Jungkook didnât either recently but he sort of did in the past and anyway, he just knew her better. He noticed. He cheered her up.
Although she didnât really think the instagram post could be for or about her. It couldnât be. What did he expect her to take away from this? What was he trying to say or prove or had he not thought at all about it? For all he knew she wouldnât even see it.
Did that count as another lie to Hoseok? Fuck! In trying not to look at him, Alex looked back at her phone.
AshriAngel: Omg new gf debut? Sheâs so cute! You two are adorable together!
That comment had been left up, Alex noticed. No response.Â
Oh, wait.Â
TheJK.97 likes this.
âIâll talk to him,â she said as her stomach flipped with dread.
Maybe it was an accident. Maybe his reading comprehension was low. He didnât have his contacts or glasses on. He was drunk. He was half asleep. Maybe he was actively fucking someone right now with his phone one in hand because he wasnât totally into it but enough into it that it made it hard to read. Maybe he just meant to like it because someone was calling her cute instead of being an asshole.
Although, honestly, there were a few comments saying she was cute or pretty, which was a few more than she had expected on a page like Jungkookâs, full of people so focused on appearances when she was definitely not that and it showed. In the grid of Jungkookâs photos, it started to look less like a good picture of herâŠ
AnitaLove: saw this coming from a mile away. Congrats!Â
âSorry, ok, let me message himââ
âIt can wait until tomorrow. Letâs just sleep.â
âNo no people are running away with this, and I have a wonderful actual boyfriend, I donât want the internet being confused for a single hot second.â
âI donât care about what the internet thinks,â Hoseok insisted. âI care about what the guy you live with thinks your status is.â
âI know, hold on⊠heâs just dumb, Hobi. He just has a shriveled pea brain sometimes and doesnât think things through⊠like a pea that rolled under the counter and you didnât notice it for a weekâŠâ
[Alex]: come on with this instagram post what is this?
[JK]: its a cute photo!
[Alex]: some of your followers agree and the others are assholes
[JK]: eh theyâre just jealous enjoy itÂ
[Alex]: yeah guess who else is jealous that you made it look like Im your gf?
[Alex]: why would you do that?
[JK]: I didnât do anything its just a pic
[JK]: I canât help if people jump to conclusions
[Alex]: itâs not cool bro, itâs a good pic of us but it doesnât need to be on your insta
[JK]: you want me to delete it??
[JK]: :( :( :(
[JK]: we never take good pictures together youâre always making a face
[Alex]: YOU are always making a face!
[Alex]: I donât care about the picture it just needs to not seem like youâre saying Iâm your gf
[Alex]: I dont get why you want to keep it up so bad
[JK]: fine your loss đ€Ș lotta girls would kill for that position
[Alex]: iâm going to strangle you
[JK]: đ„Ž ok if you insist
[Alex]: omg get laid, will you??
[JK]: oh I am donât worry about me đ
She immediately stopped responding to him. She felt like sheâd licked a battery and didnât really want to know more.Â
Anyway, it didnât matter; within two minutes there was a new picture posted, Jungkook standing at a mirror that was not in their apartment, wearing a tank top and his sweatpants hanging low enough you could see the band of his underwear and a glimpse of skin. Alex couldnât tell if it was just taken or an older one, nothing about his appearance was different enough to confirm.
Caption: ah I see, I scared some of you. Didnât think I have friends? Fucked up. Iâm still a lone wolf when it comes to love ⊠but you wonât catch me crying about it. Life is too short to waste time so letâs get it /// Ladies where you at?
âUgh, is that better? So gross, he sounds like a fucking cretinâŠâ She thrust her phone at Hoseok. He was staring at his own and glanced at it only briefly. âWhat are you frowning about?â
âSome of the commenters on this photo are just assholes. Iâm reporting them.â
âReporting who?? Oh, the people sayingâ forget it. Have you been sitting there doing that the whole time?â She thought of that deleted comment. It was Hoseok then, not Jungkook who was watching out for her? No, Hoseok hadnât been on his phone then.
âNo! I just thought Iâd check.â
âTo see if anyone was being an asshole about the way I look?â
âWhat? No! To see if I was right that other people thought it looked like a post saying youâre his girlfriend. And they do!â
âWell now heâs posted this new one clarifying, and Iâll have a talk with him about it andââ
âHow far will you let him go before you stop making excuses for him?â Hoseok demanded.
Alex leaned away, taken aback.
âIâm sorry,â Hoseok said. âI donât mean to sound like that. But youâre so close and you care so much about him, how hard is he going to have to work to steal youââ
âHe canât steal me because Iâm not a thing,â she interrupted. âAnd what he wants doesnât matter because Iâm where I want to be. Iâm sorry heâs making you feel insecure but thatâs crazy to me because I thought Iâm so obvious about how happy I am to be with you? Do you doubt me?â
âNo. No, I donâtâŠâ
âThen trust me. Iâll talk to him again. But I need you to not look for proof of something when itâs not there. Iâm telling you the pictures or comments or teasing donât mean what youâre afraid they mean. He doesnât realize how it sounds because nothing has ever been serious about me before. Like it doesnât occur to him before posting that someone would ever think heâd date me.â
âAll right⊠I do trust you, Alex. Iâm just afraid this is heading for disaster and youâre going to get hurt in this and I donât want to be the one who hurts you. I donât think itâs going to be me and Iâm worried about youââ
âYou think heâs going to hurt me? How?!â
âI donât know. I just worry. I just care about you.â
âWell if itâs him then your worries are solved, huh?â
Hoseok frowned and took her hand and pulled her into a hug, âNo, thatâs not what Iâm saying. I donât want to be jealous. I trust you and I feel secure with you. Iâm just not sure I trust himâŠâ
âPlease try?â
He sighed, âYes, Iâll try.â
âOh, itâs that easy? I just ask andââ
âYeah itâs that easy,â he sighed, more loudly, smiling a little now. âItâs because Iâm weak to you. I canât say no when you look at me so cute⊠and I do trust you. I donât want you to think Iâm jealous or possessive⊠I justâŠâ
âI know. Itâs ok. Iâll talk to him.â
There wasnât much left to say about it. With the new post up and the women of instagram rejoicing, Alex put her phone away and stretched out beside Hoseok in bed. It was a relief to talk of other things instead âof dancing, and whether Seokjin and Luisa were going to become a thing for real, and whether Hoseok was going to go visit his parents for Chuseok next month, and whether Hoseok should bring a gift when he met Alexâs parents soon.
âNo, donât,â she begged.
âIâm going to,â he said. âI have to.â
âNo, itâs my birthday, they donât get a gift. Iâm their gift, me being their daughter.â
âMy parents will actually disown me if I meet yours without a gift. I have to make a good first impression!â
âAre you capable of making a bad one? I canât picture it.â
âI want to amaze them,â he insisted.
âYou will.â She gave him a kiss. âIf nothing else, I know theyâll be amazed by you. Who could resist?â
He seemed pleased by her confidence. She was pleased he seemed pleased. She was glad he was happy, and she was happy, and JungkookâŠ
Hoseok couldnât be right. The people reacting on instagram were just misunderstanding a post lacking in context. Jungkookâs intentions were good but he didnât always think things through, like what a sudden post like that might lead people to believe. He definitely didnât have the brainpower for the type of manipulation Hoseok was accusing him of. He was her sweet, charming, smart but also kinda dumb BFF. His heart was in the right place, even if his brain wasnât always. And that place for his heart was right there in his own chest, definitely not in her possession. There was no way Jungkook was in love with her, just because he seemed kind of odd sometimes, and done strange things like this more frequently in the past month. But hey, for all she knew he was still trying to start something with Rebekah! Or⊠no, that didnât seem quite right eitherâŠ
Maybe heâd just always been this weird and she hadnât noticed until she had a foot on more stable ground? But that made her sad. She wanted to be right there in the weirdness with him. Not to make her boyfriend jealous but because that was home. That was safe and comfortable and she was pretty weird too. Couldnât people just understand that they were weird, not in love? They were not that. They had been friends forever and they would be friends forever and they did not look cute together the way AshriAngel apparently thought. What the fuck was Anita talking about, âsaw that coming from a mile awayâ??
Alex fell asleep trying to avoid thinking about an interesting dilemma her brain posed at the nudge of those comments: that as much as she loved being seen on the dance floor as Hoseokâs chosen partner, with Jungkook she had stopped thinking about anyone else at allâŠÂ
But of course there was no dilemma. There was no debate. It was just an interesting juxtaposition, that was all! One she was not interested in thinking about a moment longer!
So of course her brain decided to keep her up with it for as long as possible, until she finally managed to fall asleep, and then her brain wove it into her dreams too, of dancing with Jungkook: the beat was erratic, their kigurumi were wrong, the music the wrong genre, they werenât even on a dance floor she didnât think, and the world didnât really have definition or make sense. But still, they danced.Â
âReload. Alex⊠Alex, reload!â Jungkook shouted at her, nudging her with his elbow. She shook her head and did but it was too late, sheâd already been taken out. That was a thing that sucked about this particular game âor most of the games, honestly, that you couldnât do any real kind of cover for your friend when they temporarily spaced out. Usually that was more of a Jungkook thing anyway, but Alex was spacing out a lot tonight.
âOk, fuck this game,â he said, figuring it wasnât holding her interest. âWhat do you want to do, hockey? Basketball?â
âHmâŠâ She pursed her lips into a duck pout as she looked around the arcade. And apparently failed to see anything that really drew her.
âNeed me to boost you up so you can see your options?â he teased, reaching for her arms as if he would just haul her up.Â
âNo no donât pick me up,â she cried, predictably flapping her hands at him. That felt better. More like her. Jungkook felt a tension in his stomach ease as he pointed in a direction and hoped she would follow.Â
She did. At least physically. But her mind continued to be far away and Jungkook wasnât sure why. His initial fear (hope) that she was fighting with Hoseok had been regrettably shot down as soon as he suggested it. He asked about work but she said it was normal and turned the question on him, asking if any milfs had picked him up recently. Heâd spun a story that was mostly lies and sheâd nodded along as if she either believed it or didnât care.
âYou ok? Upset stomach or something?â he asked to distract her as they passed that shittyass lightning game her boyfriend had been suspiciously so lucky at.Â
âYeah, I guessâŠâ
âWould you rather head home and watch a movie or something?â he asked. He stopped and she crashed into him and was slow to push away. âI can make ramen or something. Too much for your tummy? Rice?â
âHuh?â
âUh⊠your stomachâ come on, whatâs up with you tonight?â
âNothing, how about skeet ball?â
âSkeet ball,â he repeated under his breath. Heâd noticed she didnât call it that around her boyfriend. âYeah ok you just want to throw something?â
âKinda yeah, why not? Howâs your ticket collection coming?â
âAh, good question⊠letâs play and then go take a look, I was getting closeâŠâ He bounded around her, hoping his energy would transfer and she would perk up. No luck. Heâd already offered candy and pizza but sheâd barely picked at either and, truth be told, he was starting to panic. He didnât really even know why, it just felt like something heavy was about to land on him unless he could distract her long enough until it passed.
They set up in adjacent lanes for skee ball and timed their throws to alternate so they wouldnât mess each other up. Sometimes the fun was in messing each other up, but he didnât today, instead focused on maximizing his tickets. Maybe he should go ahead and buy something no matter what it was; that could be exciting. Sure, he was saving up for the big stuff but what was the point if Alex wasnât having fun with him along the way?
âWoah, holy shit Alex,â he snorted as her second ball hit the ramp way too hard and popped up into his lane. âThe fuck are you doing here, pitching for the Majors?â
âOops!â
âShit why do I feel like you just aimed that at my headâŠ.â
She gave him a wild look, âNo! Why would I do that?â
âOk She-Hulk, nice and easyââ
âDonât mansplain skee ball to me,â she scoffed and glared but her heart wasnât in it. And the fact she hadnât made some crude joke about him being an expert at sinking his ball into holes hurt, it really did.Â
So when skee ball was done, he nudged her towards the ticket machine, deciding it was time to break his no cheat rule. Today was the day. Time to cheat. Right? Right, he wouldnât regret it? Fuck, what if he regretted it and just felt angry with himself later for giving inâ he had rules for a reason!
He tapped his card at the reader and looked at the total: 18,731. He needed 21,500 to get both the Slushie machine and the Rottweiler, and his goal had always been to save up for both at the same time. But looking at her now, that sense of dread nudged him forward.Â
âOk, slug bug, itâs time,â he said, drumming briefly on her head. Her squawk of complaint was music to his ears as she batted his hand away.
âTime for what?â
âSlushie machine or puppy, which are we bringing home?â
âWhat?â
âThatâs right, itâs time.â
âBut I thought you were saving up for bothââ
âYeah but why? Anyway, the place could close down in a week and then I lose everything,â he pointed out. âSometimes you gotta cash in early.â
She shrugged, âNah, Iâd help you break in and claim whatâs yours.â
âReally?!â
âYeah, we could pull it off.â
âUnless the employees ransack the prizes,â he countered, but the idea of casing the joint with her was a breath of fresh air. âHow would we do it?â
âUh⊠well⊠picking a lock would be the easiest, otherwise weâd need to break into the mall at night and break the padlock on the metal grate thing. Mall cameras would probably notice us.â
He nodded, eager for the fantasy as they walked to the counter, âYeah sure but we should use someone elseâs computer to watch videos about how to pick locks so itâs not in our history. Maybe my brotherâs. Ah, we should put on uniforms and insist weâre supposed to be in here, just in case we get caught.â
âRight, ok. And then either the shit you want is just sitting out in the open on the shelves.â
âNo no,â he said, âIt canât be that easy.â
âWhy not? Why canât it be easy?â she demanded. âWhy does everything have to be hard?!â
âUmâŠâ He looked at her, feeling like there was something else behind what she just said but also a little afraid to push. Was she fighting with Hoseok?! Ok. Ok, he needed to not get too excited. A single fight didnât mean they were going to break up âit was just really rare, they didnât seem to fight often, so it could mean that. But if he seemed too eager about it, Alex would get defensive and clam up like the little hedgehog she could be and he wouldnât get to be there for her during this emotional and difficult but overall good transition. There would be life after Hoseok. Good life after Hoseok. Heâd still be there!
At the counter, they had to wait for some little kids to spend their tickets, and it gave him time to continue the fantasy, âUh, because weâll look amazing in catsuits. Is that what they call the all black? Like with the harnesses?â
âMaybe you will,â she scoffed.
âSeriously? Youâd look banging,â he said. âYou need one thatâs got pistol holsters like right here so when you cross your arms over your chest when youâre being all pouty, you can also just grab your guns and unload onââ
He was thrilled when she acted this out, even made a fake firing sound, and admitted, âOk, thatâs pretty cool. But those outfits are unforgiving.â
âWhat do you need forgiveness for?â
âI mean they show everythingââ
âExactly,â he grinned.Â
âYouâre sick.â
Jungkook couldnât help the happy future film that began to play in his head: teasing Alex, her saying he was sick, him agreeing and leaning in to kiss and grope herâ ah!! Even just those two seconds flustered him. He didnât let these fantasies play out because it felt like getting into water that was too hot or too cold, something; it made him shiver and it felt like it wasnât time yet, like he needed to let the water reach a better temperature. If he could just be patient, hold onto that self controlâŠ
She might still not choose him. She might never have feelings for him like that. But maybe there was something they could work out⊠honestly anything would be better than this right nowâŠ
âOk which do you think would be better?â Jungkook asked, meaning âto comfort you during your heartbreak.â âSlushie machine or we finally bring home our baby?â
âI think we should wait on both,â she admitted.
âWhat? No! Why?â
âI just⊠I donât know⊠you had a plan, you should stick to it.â
âNo, Iâm tired of waiting. Yes, hi! I want that dog!â he stepped boldly forward and slapped his card down on the counter so he could point.Â
Tyler, the college kid they had seen almost every Thursday for months now, grinned, âYeah, man? Really? Youâve finally got enough?â
âOh Iâve got way more than enough. Iâm coming for that Slushie machine next. But today, the lady needs a puppy.â
âIâm not a lady and I donât need a puppy,â Alex said, pressing up against the counter.Â
He had never been so sure in his life that he needed to bring this dog home right now. There was the perfect place for it in the living room now, in full sight of the front door. The thing was so big and huggable. They could use a baby in their lives right now.
âSheâs kidding,â Jungkook said, throwing his arm around her shoulder. âOh shit, I should make a video!â He yanked his phone out, and when Alex was a poor sport and again insisted they shouldnât get the dog today, he shushed her and recorded Tyler dragging out the ladder, climbing up, and carting down the 3-foot stuffed dog.
âOur baby!â Jungkook cried as Tyler set the dog on the counter. He panned to Alexâs unamused glare, though her eyeroll and the twitch at the edge of her lips showed hidden amusement. She was playing along now, he thought.Â
He felt no sense of regret as Tyler scanned the 6500 tickets off his card, just grabbed Alex in close so they could take a selfie with the dogâs head tucked into the picture.
âWhat are we going to name him?â Jungkook asked, giving the dog a kiss on the nose and scratching behind his ears. âOh I think he likes thatââ
âYouâre unhinged,â she snickered.Â
âCome oooon, our apartment doesnât allow pets, this is the closest I can get.â
âYou name him, heâs your dog,â Alex shrugged, grabbing his card off the counter as he was just about to walk away without it. His arms were full when he lifted the pup.
âWhat about⊠Bruce, no. Tiny? Eh. UmâŠâ
âAre we going home now?â Alex asked.
Jungkook gasped, âOh should we keep playing some games with him? Letâs play air hockey, he can be on my team. We can take pictures of him playing all the games here before we take him home, just like his mom and dadââ
âPlease donât post pictures of him on instagram and call me his mom.â
âOk, you need a hug right now, I get it. Here, hug him and help me think of a name,â Jungkook said, thrusting it against her chest. The thing was fucking huge next to her. It was the most endearing thing ever. She was nearly hidden when she hugged the thing. It made him laugh as he wrapped his arms around them both.
âOk. See? Everything is going to be ok. You can get hugs from either of us whenever you want, or we can just sit next to you on the couch and watch movies and eat ice cream orâ you know, whatever helps!â
âHelps?â Alex repeated.
âYeah. Your um hard time,â he said vaguely. Shit, he shouldnât have mentioned it in case it was going to make her feel worse right now. When she pulled away, he took the dog so it wouldnât crush her and added, âJust, I mean, just let me know what you need. You want to keep playing or go home?â
âWhat I need for what?â
âUh, you knowâŠâ
âIâm not on my period, is that what youâre accusing me of? Just becauseââ
âNo!â he quickly defended, knowing full well Alex did not like if you made even the slightest hint her emotionality might be related to that. It was so bad, it tricked him into saying the slightly worse, âI mean if youâre um ending things withâŠâ
For a second she just blinked at him, and then said evenly, âIâm not ending things withâ you think Iâm breaking up with Hobi?â
âUhâŠâ Uh oh. Uh oh, not the response heâd expected. He reached up with one arm and pinched at his neck, the dog awkwardly held in a chokehold in his other elbow. âNo? I thought⊠I thought maybe thatâs why youâre in a bad mood tonightâŠâ
âNo. No things are fine between me and Hobi,â she said, and he saw her eyes sharpen in a way that made him nervous. âExcept for the part where every few days I have to reassure him that my best friend isnât trying to break us up and to be honest, Iâm not so sure anymore!â
âNo no no Alex, thatâs not whatâ I wasnât trying to break you up! I thought you were having a fight with him, thatâs all I meantââ
âYeah but you looked happy about it?! Thatâs so fucked up!â
âHey. Can you guys uh take that outside?â Tyler called over. âThere are⊠kids and⊠stuffâŠâ He trailed off under the heat of Alexâs gaze.Â
But she did take off at an angry clip, and Jungkook followed after her, desperately explaining, âOk, well uh, great then! Youâre still together and still happy andââ
âI told you not to buy that dog today,â she said. âThis is exactly why.â
âWhy is why?â
âBecause I have to talk to you aboutâ about the way youâre being lately and Iâm afraid itâs not going to go the way it needs to go!â
âWhat does that mean?!â
She held her tongue until they were outside, face to face on a sidewalk under the parking lot lights. Then she whirled on him,
âYouâre still being weird. About everything. Youâre posting pictures that make it seem like weâre a couple. Youâre weird to Hobi. Youâre possessive of me.â
âIâm not! Iâm not those things!â
âI have a boyfriend, Jungkook, and itâs not you!â
He recoiled. He had been prepared to say something else, but whatever it was, it was lost at the instant shame and hurt hearing her shout that at him.
âYeah,â he mumbled. âI know. Why are youââ
âNo, so why are you? Am I crazy? Youâ youâre decorating our house, youâre buying us a baby, youâre posting to Instagram and totally ruining your aestheticââ
âIâ thatâs justâ youâre the one whoâs being weird about it,â he tried.
âAre you trying to fuck Rebekah? Do you like her?â
The question was so fucking insane that he spluttered, âThe fuck are you even talking about? Rebekah?! No.â
âThen why? Why all thisââ
âItâs nothing!âÂ
âWhen you kissed me, was that nothing? Was it really nothing?â
Jungkook froze. Her question confused him. His panic caught and he went completely still and stared at her. Was she⊠was she asking because it wasnât nothing to her? Or was that crazy? Was she not fighting with Hoseok because she was instead fighting with herself? All these things sheâd noticed, why? Heâd tried to be really objective about his own behavior and honestly didnât think he was acting any different than he ever had before, except being a little more hands off, fewer pet names, that kind of thing. But if she was noticing those things more now, why?Â
It couldnâtâ did it meanâ did sheâ it could be that she was having the sameâ
No.
No, it wasnât possible.
But.Â
Unless?
This was a harder situation for Alex. She was the one in a relationship. His feelings were already confusing but at least he didnât have anyone else making him question or wonder. Hoseok was a great guy and Jungkook knew his relationship with Alex was a lot of good things. He could totally understand why she wouldnât want to just throw that away over confusion about how she felt for her best friend who sheâd not thought about like that ever before. But maybe she hadnât been able to stop thinking about the kiss either.
He could make this easier for her. She needed proof he was brave and strong and serious? Fine!
He set the dog down.
âJungkook,â she said and took a step back.
He held up his hands and said, âThe kiss was an accident but I donât regret it.â
âJuââ
âI think about it all the time. I want to kiss you again.â
âJungkook, stopââ
He stepped forward but stopped himself from grabbing her arms, knowing she wouldnât like that, not wanting to ruin the moment as he confessed, âI am not trying to get in between you and your boyfriend. But I am in love with you and if youâre having doubts right now about your relationship andââ
âJungkook noââ
â--maybe you just need to know how I feel to help you understand thatâ that I feel that way about you andââ
âNo, fuck, stop!â she said, hands lifting to her face. âStop stop stop just stop talking!â
âButââ
âJust stop! Please!â
âAlexââ
âI said stop!â
Heâd reached for her, but she flailed and he took a step back. He felt like heâd ripped his chest open, ripped his skin off, dumped his guts at her feet, and now he was frantic for a response from her. A real one. He needed her to help him put his skin back on right away because this, this was awful, this was terrifying, this was the scariest most dangerous thing heâd ever done and he couldnât tell by her face what she was thinking. Always he felt like he could read her mind but not right now when it mattered most and oh god oh fuck, what if she was going to sayâ
âStop saying that. You are not in love with me.â
âI definitely amââ
âYou arenât,â she said. Was she angry? No. No, but she looked angry⊠He had not expected her to look angry. He wasnât sure how to respond to that. âYou arenât! You donât know anything about being in love! You donâtâ youâre not in love with me, Jungkookââ
âYes I am!â
âYou canât be.â
âI am!â
It was like heâd flipped a switch; she got all red and sputtered, âWhat the fuck? Mr. Fuckboy Jeon? Who plows through women from his instagram like itâs a fucking Dennyâs menuââ
âHey nowââ
âAnd me!? You get âmad pussyâ,â she said, air quotes, not a good sign. âAnd youâre going to turn around and say youâre in love with me. Youâre not even a little attracted to me butââ
âYes I am!â
â--Uh huh, so what is it, romantic love? What, soulmate love?â Fuck she could be so mean. He hadnât had her anger aimed at him like this in a long long time.
âYes!â he cried, trying to combat her anger with earnestness.
âNo. Youâre not in love with me, youâre just throwing a tantrum because Iâve met someone wonderful and you didnât, and you canât just keep me as a fucking housewifeââ
âYou were never a housewife! What are you talking aboutââ
âNo I was your buddy. For years! For so many fucking years! And there was never even a hint of feelings you had for me and then suddenlyââ
âThatâs not entirely true butââ
âItâs true! What, the joke about us getting married when we were fourteen because I was the only girl you were brave enough to talk to? Yeah, real romantic! Just what I dream of, being someoneâs safety, just slightly better than dying alone! And now youâre losing that safety and acting outââ
âIâm not a fucking toddler!â he shouted, needled into it. âStop talking about me like that! So maybe it takes me a long time to figure out my feelings but you donât get to tell me they arenât trueââ
âI do when I have to show you that youâreâ youâre ruining everything!â
âWhat?â He took another step back. No, no, this felt all wrong. The flood of regret warred with his desperate hope that this was still Alex putting up a front. He was bad at feelings, but she was too! And she had more to lose right now. More to be afraid of. Sometimes he asked what she wanted to eat and she said nothing but then if he didnât make her something sheâd wind up stealing all his food anyway. Maybe this was just that, except about love instead of food.Â
âIâm not ruining anything,â he insisted, stepping forward again, determined to make her understand. âIââ
âYeah you love me, you said that. Suddenly. Out of the blue. After how many years of not even noticing Iâm a fucking woman now youâre suddenly pining for me? Bullshit! It would be one thing if I believed you right now and you're throwing our friendship away in some misguided attempt to confess butâ but you donât love me and so this is fucking cruel!â
âI do! Alex! I would never be that to you, ever. Why would I lie about this? This is fucking humiliating! You arenât saying it back, youâre just telling me Iâm wrong about my ownâ you donât know what I think! You donât know how I feel!â
âIâve known everything you think and feel for our entire friendship and there was never any interest in me. So tell me what the fuck suddenly changedââ
âI donât know! Iâm growing up! Iâm figuring it out! I thought you didnât want a relationship with anyone so Iâ I thought you were happy with me beforeââ
âYou thought I wanted to be someoneâs housewife while theyâre just off fucking everyone who slides into their DMs?â
âYou werenât my housewife. I donât know why you keep saying thatââ
âYou thought I liked always being alone and left behind? You couldnât even calm your dick enough to go to Jiminâs fucking wedding with me as a friendââ
âWell I want to go with you now!â
âOh yeah? Now? So suddenly?âÂ
âIt just changed, ok?!â he shouted.Â
âIâll tell you what changed,â she said, practically spit the words at his face. âNow when I have someone who loves me and who I love and Iâm happy and my world doesnât revolve around you anymore, so you suddenlyââ
âYou love him?â
âSuddenly you want to say whatever it takes to keep meââ
âYes! Yes, I do. I want to keep you to myself. I want you to be mine, not his. That doesnât mean what Iâm saying is a lie!âÂ
His head was spinning. She loved Hoseok. She couldnât tell Jungkook she loved him, but she just dropped that like it was the easiest thing in the world to say. Sheâd known Jungkook for years and couldnât say it to him anymore; sheâd been dating Hoseok for like four months and could already say that. His throat hurt from yelling and his skin tingled and he wanted to cry.
She was right.
He hadnât waited to make sure the water was the right temperature.
He hadnât waited until he had all the tickets.
Heâd just ruined everything.
âIf you donât feel the same way, just say so,â he said, quietly, feeling smaller by the second and unable to grab at anger the way she seemed to. He wasnât angry with her except for not believing him. He didnât know how he felt after a rejected confession. He refused to name this feeling and make it real. Heâd never been good at feelings. He wished he could have remained oblivious a little longer.
âIâm sorry, Koo. Itâs too late. Iâm happy and I wonât let you ruin this for me too.â
âToo?â
âYouâre making me chooseââ
âIâm not,â he said, realizing his final and fatal mistake. âIâm not making you choose. Ok, you donât love me back. Ok, Iâll deal with thatââ
âLike youâve been dealing with it?â
âBetter. Iâll deal with it better.â
âKooâŠâ The way her voice cracked nearly broke him. It was another weight added to his chest, another clue as to what heâd just done. Heâd risked it all and lost it all.
âI can back off. Now I knowâ ok, you donât feel that way about me, so friends, weâll go back to being friends andââ
She nodded. She nodded even though her face was twisting up into that ugly cry she did at the saddest of movies.Â
He desperately loved that ugly cry.
âOk,â she said. âYep. Everything will be ok, weâre still friends.â
âRight?â
âIâm uhâ Iâm going to take a walk and get another ride homeââ
âWait, what? Noââ
âI need some space for a little bit,â she said and sniffled even though she wasnât crying yet and he felt like he could have lifted from the ground at the rate his heart was thrumming.Â
âThen you take the car,â he said. âIâll catchââ
âNo, itâs your carââ
âYeah butââ
âJust go home, ok? Please? Please please pleaseââ
âOk, ok Iâll go,â he said, giving in at her begging because she was starting to cry and this was going to kill him. âIâm going. But go inside⊠um⊠you need a rideââ
âItâs fine, justââ
âOk but donât tell Hoseokââ
âGo.â
The shame of her dismissal was the end of it. Obviously she was going to tell her boyfriend.
He grabbed the dog by the head and hauled ass away from her, though not without checking to make sure she didnât stay alone in the parking lot. She went back into the mall through a side entrance as quickly as Jungkook headed down the row to his car, two magnets repelling now that they werenât being forced together by a stubborn hand.Â
His. His stubborn hand.
Because Alex didnât love him. She loved Hoseok. And he was making things uncomfortable for them. He was getting in the way.
And the way she cried when she said they were still friends made it sound like a lie.Â
Jungkook shoved the stupid dog into the backseat and threw himself into the driverâs seat and buckled his seat belt and started the car and leaned against the steering wheel and broke another one of his rules: for the first time in his life, he cried over a girl.Â