I think the hardest part of applying for disability is the part where as soon as someone hears about it,
They instantly feel the need to devalue my worth as a person:
Either by asking me whats ‘wrong’ with me and why I need to apply,
Or by saying only ‘lazy’ people apply
Or by shutting me down and saying I need to suck it up and work, that I must not be trying hard enough.
This leads me to debate my own health and safety, about if I’m maybe just too lazy or too much of a wimp to do anything.
A debate with myself- about my own health, and my own personal safety- about if maybe I’m just over exaggerating.
Why are you understanding only when I tell you what’s wrong, what’s happened, what fills my nightmares and days with anxiety, pain, and fear?
Why is it not enough to need help?
Why is it not enough to ask for support?
Why do you need to judge me for things I cannot control, for things I cannot help, and for things that you have already deemed as bad or lazy?
I shouldn’t have to be someone you pity or feel ashamed of knowing in order to ask for help or support.