#tlwah

character design for a lil thing im doing!

this shrimp could fry rice. if you so choose. the skrimp'll one day be a player character option for the pirate story vn crpg thing twine thing about dead people

Come back! Even as a shadow, even as a dream.

— Euripides, Anne Carson (translator), Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides: Heracles

James wasn't home that night. It was the one decent thing Peter did, and James hated him for it.

Inspired by What if James Potter had survived, but Lily hadn’t? by @sunnyvids

“You’re a little late.” James grinned into the space shrinking between them. “How are they?” Sirius had promised to stop in at the cottage to check up on Lily and Harry. James’s eyes glanced down the alley and across the street to a small, dirty, red-curtained window. The light was on. Cartwright was still there. He looked back to Sirius, who was right in front of him now. He frowned. Sirius was pale, and not because of the sickly glow of the night. “Mate, are you alright?” Sirius chewed his thoughts for a second, then, holding onto James’s forearms to steady himself, said, “We need to go.”

Rage, that is love — rotten! Rage, that is desire — rotten! Rage! — like a prayer, unanswered, ricocheting right onto your eyes, never quite reaching where it was meant to.

— Tathève Simonyan, A Prayer

James was through the gate, across the garden, past the limp red door. The stairs to the right lead upstairs. James nearly tripped. He stumbled, clambered, rounded the corner. He was met by open sky. And at the end of the corridor… To fall to his knees, to scream, to rip at his hair, to condemn the earth and everyone on it to a death so sweet. It was not enough.

“Where’s Peter?” James asked, swallowing a lump that had lodged in his throat. “He—something must’ve—where…?” There was a moth drooping around one of the oil lamps in the kitchen. Its soft, dusty, thwopping wings cast ever-changing shadows over the faces of the three men sitting around the table—Dumbledore at the head, James and Sirius facing one another. Other than them, the house—cramped, musty, four bedrooms upstairs, perhaps once a lodging house owned by a landlady as mouldy as the curtains—was empty. “We do not believe Peter to be in danger.”

But something is wrong. Grief is a circular staircase. I have lost you.

— Linda Pastan, The Five Stages of Grief

TO LIVE WITHOUT A HEART Chapter 2/?. Rating: M. Content warning: graphic depictions of violence, dead bodies, and suicidal thoughts.

“Lily.” His voice caught in his throat. And something carved its way out of him. He groaned, dropping to his knees beside her. She looked so small. So cold. Like a baby bird fallen from its nest in a storm. He touched her hand, ever so softly, so as not to disturb her. “Lily.” It came clearly that time. And yet she did not reply. “Please.”

Bella's Masterlist

Complete:

THREE IS A LUCKY NUMBER, YOU KNOW Words: 4K | Chapters: 1/1 | Rating: T | AO3

Remus leaves Sirius in the lurch, going on an Order Mission with Marlene McKinnon and leaving nothing but a rushed letter containing no real detail. Sirius is left to grapple with his abandonment while Remus secludes himself in misery.

CHRISTMAS KISSES Words: 1K | Chapters: 1/1 | Rating: T | AO3 WATTPAD 

A fluffy Jily one-shot inspired by one of my favourite Christmas carols, “Baby It's Cold Outside.” 

Ongoing:

ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL Words: 24.1K | Chapters: 7/25 | Rating: T | Co-creator: @merlinsbbeard | AO3

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. And the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry have very small minds, indeed. Or: Lily Evans is flung into the vicious cesspit that is the Hogwarts Dating Scene. Filled with boys and Quidditch parties and Firewhisky and friendly inter-house relations and tears and mean girls and public displays of affection—gag.

BETWEEN THE DESIRE AND THE SPASM Words: 31.7K | Chapters 11/? | Rating: M | AO3

Trains are arguably the centre of everything. The sinew of civilisation for muggles and wizards alike. They are where all walks of life converge. Congregate. In synchronised traversal. Shared agony inflicted by the piercing screech of metal on metal, bonding all patrons aboard a carriage. And outside. A passing glimpse of someone you thought you’d never see again. Trains. They change everything.

Related content: In Which James Lost Lily, Chamomile, In All His Glory, Navel to Neck, Beetle-Browed Boy, Tender Flesh, The Price of Lust, A Man of Stamina, A Continuation of A Man of Stamina.

EXPECTATION’S ENCUMBRANCE Words: 3.5K | Chapters: 2/? | Rating: G | AO3

Miss Lillian Evans is entirely uninterested in marriage, thank you very much. James Potter, Viscount Godric, could not agree more. After an introduction from a mutual friend, one Mr Lupin, the pair form a friendship in which they laugh at the ridiculousness of their marriage-minded society together and pass away endless tiring fetes in each other's company.

I CAN’T LOVE HIM Words: 48.9K | Chapters: 9/? | Rating: T | AO3 | WATTPAD | CHARACTER AESTHETICS

James Potter was an intolerable prick. A dim-witted, egotistical toerag who wasn't worth Lily's time. Well, unless, in the case of a good telling-off; that was very much worth it. This was true right up until the last few weeks of fifth-year when her whole life was flipped on her head, and she was left to work out what in Merlin's name to do with it.

SO, DOE Words: ~400 | Chapters: 2/7 | Rating: G | AO3 | WATTPAD

A record of all the letters James ever sent to Lily and some replies. From 1st through to 7th year. 

THE HAWTHORN BLOWËTH SWEETEST Words: 1.5K | Chapters: 1/? | Rating: M | AO3

James, son to duty and fairness, is revered as the Young Lord of wintry Caledonia. Elizabeth, daughter to curiosity and kindness, driven to silence and submissiveness by her vindictive stepmother and selfish stepsister, is desperate to gain freedom in whatever form it takes. Brought together by cruel intent and manipulated honour, the two grow to love each other despite their reservations and all that spit at their blessing.

Related content: Maiden's Tears

TO LIVE WITHOUT A HEART Words: 2.2K | Chapters: 4/? | Rating: M | AO3 | WATTPAD

James wasn’t home that night. It was the one decent thing Peter did, and James hated him for it.

MICROFICS SERIES Words: 7.68K | Works: 32 | AO3

A collection of drabble ranging multiple characters and ships.

To Be Undone E Twiggy Contraptions of Death G In Which James Lost Lily G O Captain! My Captain! G Make a Wish Harry G Fumes That Curled and Twisted G A Commingling of Events G Sweet Sweet Salvation T Anguish & Anchorage T The Virtue of Sharing G Sneezewort Pruning G If Not Forever, For Now G Creature of Habit G Kumquat Jam T Nettle Wine & Commiseratory Snogging T Fear My Wrath G The Constant Tang of Blood G The Heads’ Private Quarters M A Welcome Distraction T Because You're Mine G Loose Strands and Sleeping Draughts T It All Comes Out in the Wash T Red Velvet Curtains T The Cruciatus Curse M Tender Flesh M Beetle-Browed Boy E The Price of Lust M Blossom Bodies E Broom Closet Communion E Setting A Proper Example M Familia, Amare, Fide G Beastly, Silken-Lipped & Smirking T The Mind's Eye M Academic Attentions E James "Blood-Traitor" Potter M Sunburnt Skin Hitherto Forbidden T Telliephone T Pressed & Bandaged Flowers T Never Far Behind (Those Vivid Knuckles) E Grated Nerves G Atlas (Muggleborn Burden) T Like a Lovesick Puppy G Giggling Grown Men T Dead Skin Cells G Lovey Dovey T Nesting G

TO LIVE WITHOUT A HEART Chapter 4. Rated M. Content warning: depictions of grief, references to aggression, injuries.

A pale eggshell settee, worn at the welting and browning some, sagged under the weight of James and all his grief. Tea in fine china sat cold upon a side table. Intricate vines of ivy twisted around the once-golden lip. A skin of milky scum lay upon the surface. Night still ruled beyond the curtained windows. James’s kneecap, which he had grated on the carpeted stairs of Godric’s Hollow, ached dully now. At first it had burned, the skin weeping slowly through his trouser leg, but now it had scabbed, bound somewhat to the course woollen fabric, and he was left with the festering reminder of Time’s eternal passage.

☹️

Sorry about that