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Summary: Ginny is forced to handle an annoying Ex. Jack loses it. Robby has to hold him back. Ginny's gut isn't what it used to be.
TW: Aggressive ex, potential health problems
Shifts got longer and longer, the further Ginny’s pregnancy advanced. She was feeling the weight of it. She had taken to rolling around the department on her wheeled office chair, threatening to cry at anyone who dared laugh. She counted the minutes until she could go home and take a bath.
“You look exhausted,” Robby commented as he walked up to the desk.
“Such a charmer, Robinavitch.” Ginny sneered.
“Not in a joking mood. Got it.” He put his hands up, his eyes finding Jack. “I’ll get the briefing over with asap so he can get you home.”
“Expeditiously.” She huffed, watching him saunter off.
“Hey, Ginny.” Chris appeared in front of her.
“Oh! Chris! Hi!” Ginny’s face turned red. She had done her best to let the guy down easy, but he wasn’t really taking the rejection well.
“You haven’t been texting me.” He sighed, leaning over the counter.
“Chris, we’ve talked about this. I don’t want to do this at work.” Ginny cleared her throat.
“I think I deserve a better explanation. It was going well, and all of a sudden, you’re not interested? It’s weird.” He clenched his jaw.
“Sometimes things just aren’t right. No one did anything wrong. It just happens that way.” She shrugged, getting up to gather her things.
“That’s not good enough.” Chris had a look in his eye that made Ginny’s hair stand on end.
“I’m sorry, that’s all I have to give.” She sighed.
“As if anyone else would give you a second look.” Chris hissed as he came around the desk.
“Back off.” She stumbled back.
“Everything alright?” Dana came over to the desk, quickly putting her things down and getting between them.
“This is none of your business.” Chris bit.
“It is when you’re scaring one of my nurses. One of my pregnant nurses. Why don’t you scurry back to ortho, before I drag you there myself.” Dana growled.
“Chris, I’m sorry. I am. I hope you find someone.” Ginny offered a soft smile.
“Don’t smile at me, bitch!” He barked just loud enough for Jack and Robby to hear.
“You’re done! Out of here!” Dana started pushing him away.
“The fuck did you just say to her? Huh!?” Jack grabbed him by the collar.
“Abbot!” Dana gasped.
“She heard me, that’s what matters.” The smile on Chris’s face made Ginny’s stomach turn. It only angered Jack more.
“I should throw you out of here. I should toss you in the dumpster with the rest of the fucking trash!” Jack’s shouting had garnered the attention of the whole department.
“Jack. Let him go.” Robby put a hand on his shoulder.
“Apologize.” Jack’s voice rumbled low in his chest.
“She doesn’t deserve it.” Chris spat.
“I didn’t fucking ask your opinion. Apologize!” Jack shook him, lifting him up so he was on his toes.
“Fuck! Okay! I’m sorry!” Chris snapped.
“Don’t ever come down here again. I won’t be so nice next time.” Jack threw him away. Chris stumbled into a wall before he ran off.
“You okay, Hon?” Dana asked Ginny.
“Mhmm.” She nodded, afraid to speak for fear the tears would start.
“Let’s get out of here. I’m taking you home.” Jack grabbed her things and slung his backpack onto his shoulder.
He got her settled in the car before unloading their things in the back. By the time he had gotten into the front seat, she had started to let herself cry.
“Come here.” Jack said, leaning over the center console and pulling her into his arms.
“That sucked!” She sobbed into his shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” Jack kissed her temple. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you know that right?”
“I know. It still feels bad.” Ginny sat up, taking deep breaths.
“Yeah.” Jack sighed. “How about some breakfast. Anything you want. The diet police isn’t here.” Jack smirked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Bagels?” She looked up at him with big red eyes.
“Absolutely. Fuck yeah.” He nodded and started the car.
Ginny and Jack had developed a routine after their shift. Despite Robby begging Ginny to go to day shifts, she refused. She hadn’t switched when she had her sister’s baby, she wasn’t going to now. Mornings were not her friend. So, Jack was in charge of taking care of her every morning. He did so happily.
Their routine started with breakfast. Normally, Jack would force Ginny to eat a balanced breakfast. Lately, Cream of Wheat had been the favorite. He’d force her to eat a piece of fruit and take her vitamins. Ginny would shower first. Jack never showered at the same time in case she needed help. Lately, they’d taken to showering together.
The hot water pelted her back, letting the muscles relax ever so slightly. Ginny let her head tilt back, her hair becoming fully saturated. She started washing her hair, knowing her ability to stand was quickly dissipating. Jack sat on his shower bench, admiring the view.
“You’re incredible.” He sighed, grabbing the loofah and getting it soapy.
“Mmmm, you say that every time you see me naked.” Ginny hummed, a lazy smile on her lips.
“I mean it every time.” He scrubbed her skin, watching the soap slowly drip down her body.
“I don’t feel incredible.” She mumbled, finishing her hair.
“I know. But you’re handling it like a champ.” He pulled her close, his hands resting her hips.
“So, what I’m hearing is there is room for more whining.” Ginny giggled.
“You get a free pass to whine all you want.” Jack smiled. His hands gently trailed up to her belly. It no longer fit in just his two hands.
“I think they know I’m getting ready for bed.” Ginny’s hands covered his.
“Are they quiet?” Jack asked, searching for the movement.
“The opposite. They’re having a dance party.” She chuckled, guiding his hands up to where the baby was kicking.
“Ah. You’re not walking around, rocking them to sleep. Makes sense.” Jack hummed, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to her belly.
“I can’t wait to sleep without them banging around in there.” Ginny sighed.
“Soon.” Jack hummed.
They reluctantly finished their shower and post-shower routines. They were dead on their feet as they made their way to bed.
“Assume the position.” Jack nodded toward the bed. Ginny lay on the bed in nothing but her underwear.
“This is supposed to be clinical.” She warned.
“I’m very professional. Never heard you complain.” He smirked as he pumped the lotion into his hands.
“You take too much joy in this.” She chuckled.
“It’s the little things.” Jack shrugged as he rubbed the lotion into the skin of her belly. Once he was satisfied with his work, he moved to her thighs, massaging the tense muscles. He worked out a particularly angry knot and Ginny could stop the moan that escaped her lips.
“Keep it professional.” Jack snorted.
“Shut up. Robby doesn’t tease me when he does it.” She huffed.
“Oh, I seriously doubt that.” Jack chuckled. “I’ll take it down a notch.”
“Thank you.” Ginny said.
Before Jack was done with his massage, Ginny was out like a light. Her soft snoring signaled that Jack had done a more than adequate job. He climbed in next to her and tucked the blankets around them before passing out.
The blackout curtains made waking up disorienting. It was hard to tell what time it was, even if the slightest bit of sunlight peered through them.
Ginny woke up looking around the room, her head was swimming. She couldn’t tell which way was up. It wasn’t entirely unfamiliar, but the pounding in her head was. She sat up, suddenly feeling uneasy. The pounding intensified and the room spun.
“Jack.” She called out, trying to keep calm.
“Jack, wake up.” She shook his shoulder.
“Hmmm? What?” He grumbled, not opening his eyes.
“My head hurts.” She tried to take a deep breath.
“There's Tylenol in the medicine cabinet.” He flopped over.
“I’m dizzy and my head hurts.” Ginny’s voice started to wobble. The anxiety was spiking.
Jack sat up, turning the bedside lamp on. He looked over to see Ginny squeezing her eyes shut and taking deep breaths.
“Okay, it’s okay. Let’s get you some water, might be dehydration.” Jack grabbed his crutches and made his way to the kitchen, filling her water bottle. He was trying not to panic. He worked with Ginny for long enough to know that she didn’t bother with unnecessary information. He knew she respected sleep more than most. If she woke him up for a headache, she knew something was wrong.
“Can you open the curtains? The room is spinning, I think it’ll help.” Ginny asked as Jack came back in.
“Here,” He handed her the water bottle. “Slow sips.” He yanked the curtains open, letting the sunlight in.
“Are my feet swollen?” She asked, sipping her water.
Jack made his way over to the bed and pulled back the blankets. His chest got tight when he saw her feet did, in fact, look swollen.
“They’re a little puffy. But you were just on your feet for a whole shift. Let’s not panic yet.” He sat on the edge of the bed.
“Headache, dizzy, swollen feet-”
“Can all mean nothing.” Jack tried to reassure her.
“Something in my gut is saying something is wrong.” She looked up at him with terror in her eyes.
“Okay.” Jack took a deep breath. He had learned a long time ago to never doubt a nurse’s gut.
“Let’s get dressed and we’ll go in. We’ll get you checked out for peace of mind. Do you need help?” Jack held her hand in his.
“No, I can do it myself.” Ginny said.
“I’m going to call Robby. Let him know what’s going on.” Jack said, rolling to the other side of the bed and starting to put his prosthetic on.
“Maybe my guts off now. Maybe I’m paranoid because I’ve seen too much.” Ginny mumbled mostly to herself as she got up and started getting dressed.
“Maybe. But you aren’t going to rest well until we know.” Jack walked up and kissed her shoulder.
“I just want them to be okay.” She let out a shaky breath.
“They are. But you’re important too. We need to make sure you’re okay.” Jack walked off with his phone, dialing Robby.
“Jack, he’s in a trauma. I’ll have him call you back when he’s done.” Dana answered the phone.
“Tell him we’re on the way in. Ginny’s got a headache, dizziness and swollen feet. Got her to drink some water, didn’t help.” Jack took a deep breath.
“Shit. Alright, we’ll be ready for you. It’s probably third-trimester stuff. Try not to jump to preeclampsia. Everything feels off towards the end.” Dana said.
“Yeah. She said her gut feels like somethings wrong.” Jack sighed.
“Dammit. That girl’s got a good gut. I’ll clear out a room and get OB down here. Hopefully, they’ll beat you two here.” Dana could feel the nervous energy through the phone.
“Okay, thanks. Try and keep him from panicking. We’ll see you in a minute.” Jack hung up the phone and turned to see Ginny trying to put her shoes on.
“I can’t fucking see my feet.” She growled.
“It’s okay.” Jack rushed over. “Let’s put on your Crocs. They’ll be more comfortable.” He said slipping her green Crocs onto her feet.
“Tell me I’m crazy. Tell me I’m just freaking out and it’s not that bad.” She tried to breathe.
“We are not letting anything happen to you. We’re keeping you safe. Whatever is happening, we’ll figure it out.” Jack cupped her face in his hand.
When they pulled into the ambulance bay, despite Ginny’s protests, Antoine was outside on a smoke break.
“Antoine! Run inside and grab-”
“No need, I’ve got it.” Dana came rushing over with a wheelchair.
“Give you a twenty to go park the car in my spot for me.” Jack tossed the keys.
“All you had to do was ask, but I’ll take your money.” Antoine joked as he climbed into the car.
“Thanks, Antoine.” Ginny smiled.
“You know I’d do anything for you.” He smiled.
“Come on, Sweetheart.” Dana helped Ginny into the chair. “You got the boss running around like a madman.”
“I’m sure he’s being impossible right now.” Ginny tried to joke.
“OB down yet?” Jack walked next to them into the ER.
“Not yet. Said they’d be down soon.” Dana watched as Robby came rushing over. She saw him almost bend down close enough to kiss her, but stop himself. She shook her head to keep from laughing.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Robby put a hand on her shoulder.
“Not great.” Ginny sighed. Dana wheeled her into a room, closing the door and the curtains.
“Alright, hop on the bed. We’ll get your blood pressure.” She instructed.
Robby and Jack hovered as Ginny got onto the bed. Dana wrapped the cuff around her arm and started the machine while getting her hooked up to the rest of the equipment.
“Not subtle, by the way.” Dana said, adjusting the pulse ox on Ginny’s finger.
“What?” Robby’s face grew red.
“You nearly headbutted the poor girl when she came in. You’re lucky Princess and Perlah weren’t around.” Dana smirked.
“I think you’re imagining things.” Robby scoffed.
“If you want to keep it to yourselves, that’s fine. But, if I could see it so could everyone else.” Dana smirked.
“Keep the whispers to a minimum, please.” Robby sighed.
“I’ll do my best.” Dana stuck a thermometer into Ginny’s mouth. “Under your tongue.”
“Hey, got the ultrasound.” Donnie came walking in with the machine.
“Thank you. Let’s get her bloodwork going. I want-”
“Easy, Robinavitch. You can’t be her doctor. Conflict of interest. Donnie knows what to do until OB gets here.” Dana scolded Robby.
“We’ll get her a full panel.” Donnie nodded.
“BP is only slightly elevated. Not even close to being dangerous, yet.” Dana put a hand on Ginny’s shoulder.
“But still elevated.” Ginny murmured.
“You’re nervous. You get all sorts of anxiety running through your veins right now. That’s going to cause it to be high.” Dana tried to help keep her calm.
“I hate being the patient.” Ginny groaned.
“You signed up for the wrong gig, Hon.” Dana gave her shoulder a pat.
The room felt too small. The way everyone was staring at her, talking about her, made Ginny’s skin crawl. She tried to keep calm, doing the breathing exercises that her therapist had taught her. They were mostly helpful, at least when it came to the catheter placement.
“Sorry that took so long!” A woman in her late thirties came in with an apologetic smile. “I’m Dr. Palmer from OB. We haven’t had a chance to meet. You’re night shift, right?” She came over and shook Ginny’s hand.
“Yeah. Not much of a morning person.” Ginny sat up.
“You’re a stronger woman than I. I couldn’t be pregnant and work nights.” She pulled a stool next to Ginny’s bed.
“Takes a special brand of crazy that I just so happen to have.” Ginny forced a smile.
“Do you like using humor to deflect?” Dr. Palmer asked, her brows arched as she looked at her with empathy and concern.
“She loves it.” Jack snorted.
“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t see you two.” Dr. Palmer jumped at the men’s presence.
“They’re the dads.” Ginny said.
“You’re carrying your boss’s baby?” Dr. Palmer looked confused.
“No. Dana and Lena are my boss. Those two just happen to be the attendings in charge of the department. Not technically my boss.” Ginny huffed.
“I’m being nosey. Sorry.” Dr. Palmer cringed.
“We took her vitals when she got in. NP Donahue sent out the full panel just to be safe.” Dana said.
“Very efficient. I like it.” Palmer nodded.
“We do our best.” Dana snorted.
“Shall we have a look at that baby?” Palmer smiled as she picked up the ultrasound wand. She moved it around Ginny’s belly, typing measurements and findings as she went.
“They look okay?” Ginny asked, the quiet eating away at her.
“They do. Very healthy looking baby. Right on track for size. In a good position.” Palmer moved the screen so they could all see.
“Good.” Ginny let out a sigh of relief.
“Now, we can focus on you.” Palmer said, handing Ginny tissues to wipe the gel.
“Labs just came in.” Dana handed Palmer the tablet.
“Perfect timing.” Palmer put her glasses on as she read the results.
“She’s had low iron the whole pregnancy.” Robby said from the corner of the room.
“Still have a headache?” Palmer looked at Ginny over the top of her glasses.
“Yeah. Dizzy still.” Ginny shifted in the bed.
“Mmm…” Palmer nodded as she tapped the screen. “Ah. You are hypoglycemic. Slightly dehydrated as well. You complained of swollen feet?”
“Uh, yeah.” Ginny looked confused.
“Do you mind if I have a look?” Palmer stood and grabbed gloves.
“No. My BP was elevated.” Ginny countered.
“It was higher than normal for you. I pulled your previous chart with Dr. Hyde before I came down. It’s nowhere near concerning to me.” Palmer said as she examined Ginny’s feet.
“Could be the start of-”
“Could be, but I doubt it.” Palmer smiled. “Your feet aren’t anymore swollen than any other woman in the third trimester. Slight water retention, not pitting edema. I’m going to order some fluids and get you something to eat.”
“I don’t…my guts never been wrong.” Ginny felt her face grow warm with a mixture of embarrassment and frustration.
“It wasn’t wrong. You knew something was off. It just wasn’t a worst-case scenario. It’s difficult to not jump to that at this stage in pregnancy for anyone, let alone an emergency room nurse. Give yourself some grace.” Palmer said.
“Sure. Grace.” Ginny scoffed.
“I am also going to recommend putting in for your maternity leave sooner rather than later.” Palmer put her hands in her pockets.
“Do you think she needs bedrest?” Robby asked.
“No, nothing like that. But I do think being on her feet for twelve hours with little opportunity to eat isn’t doing her any good. She needs to rest at this stage. Her body is doing a lot of heavy lifting, not just the literal weight. There is more pressure on your body to work. More work for your organs, your heart. If you can’t fuel it properly, you’ll feel the repercussions.” Palmer looked between the three of them.
“Fuck.” Ginny sighed.
“Thank you, Dr. Palmer.” Robby gave a thin-lipped smile.
“Of course. I’ll have them do one liter and then you can skidaddle, if you promise to go home and get some proper food in you. No protein bars, no shakes, real food. I want you to feel like you can’t move, you ate so much. Got it?” Palmer cocked an eyebrow.
“Sure. Yeah, I’ll eat.” Ginny nodded.
“Get some rest. Dr. Robinavitch, feel free to call my cell directly if you have any concerns.” Palmer nodded as she left.
“Alright, I’ll talk with Lena. Let her know she’s gonna miss you sooner than we thought.” Dana said.
“Well, she didn’t say I had to. It’s not bedrest.” Ginny scoffed.
“No. We’re not doing this.” Dana stood over Ginny. “You are going home after your fluids and you are staying there until that baby comes. No arguments. I’m not letting you play with your health like it doesn’t matter. It does.” Dana scolded her.
“I can’t believe I freaked out and it was just low blood sugar and dehydration.” Ginny angrily wiped the frustrated tears from her face. “I guess I’m not as good as I thought.”
“Stop that. You’re one of our best. This is just your body telling you to rest and it knew the only way to get you to listen was to make you panic. You haven’t lost your touch.” Dana could see the frustration and doubt pouring out of Ginny. She hated watching the good ones falter.
“Thanks. You’re right. Per usual.” Ginny smirked.
“Smart enough to know that.” Dana cackled. “We’ll get your fluids going in a minute. I’ll leave with your guard dogs.” She winked at Robby and Jack as she left.
“This is easy. We can deal with this.” Robby took a deep breath.
“It’s just a little sooner than expected. Nothing crazy.” Jack sat on the edge of the bed.
“Sure.” Ginny shrugged.
“It’ll be good for you to get back to normal sleep schedule.” Robby stood next to her, watching the disappointment settle on her face.
“I don’t like feeling useless.” Ginny muttered.
“Useless? You’re making a human being.” Jack scoffed.
“You aren’t useless. Not to us, not to anyone. Resting isn’t being useless.” Robby wiped a stray tear from her cheek.
“I don’t like it.” Ginny crossed her arms. “I still had three weeks.”
“I know. But, your body called time out. We’re not letting you push yourself past your limits.” Jack knew what it was like to be sidelined when you weren’t ready. He knew how that feeling made the anxiety worse.
“I feel like a petulant child right now. I’m sorry. I’m just wallowing.” Ginny ran a hand down her face.
“You can wallow. We won’t judge.” Robby smiled. Dana came waltzing back in, fluids in hand.
“A liter of PTMC’s finest for the lady.” She hummed as she hooked up the bag.
“Gee, thanks.” Ginny mocked.
“This makes planning the baby shower easier. We’ll only have to pin these two down.” Dana said.
“You’re planning a baby shower?” Ginny looked at her, confused.
“Oh shit. Was it a surprise? Nobody said it was a surprise.” Dana cursed.
“It’s fine. She needs the mood boost.” Robby chuckled.
“We’re gonna spoil ya. Not just baby shit, fun stuff for you too.” Dana gave Ginny’s knee a pat.
“Why?” Ginny asked.
“Why? Why!? Who is the one doing all the work!? You! You put your body on the line for this baby and that deserves to be applauded.” Dana smiled.
“How long have you known?” Ginny squinted at Dana.
“…a month. But I haven’t said anything to anyone.” Dana put her hands up.
“How? We’ve been careful.” Robby looked surprised, defeated.
“Neither of you is subtle. She’s better at keeping secrets. A lot of hands on her back, standing too close. No judgement from me. I don’t entirely get it, but whatever works. As long as everyone is consenting and it’s been thought through.” Dana said.
Polyminds have nothing to do with endos! We’re just people with extradefined subpersonalities. We stay out of system spaces, use our own terms, etc. leave us out of endo related discourse PLEASE. We are not endos. We are not systems. We are not related to any kind of system.
HI. I have some posts to direct you to and a simple messagge for you. First, here are the posts :
This post explaining why polyminds are bad by my lovely friend AESS, this post by me explaining my stance, ANOTHER post by me explaining my stance and my DNI list for you, since you appareently didn't read it or just ignored it :)
Second :
FUCK OFF. You breaking my DNI doesn't convince me to "oh leave the poor polyminds alone :((( we ableists need space and kindness, stop comparing us to other ableists". If anything, you've just further proved to me why I should hate you guys, you're just like endos, breaking my boundaries constantly and playing the victinm. Go fuck yourselves and stop being assholes to systems you fuckhead.
Of course this is what I wake up to. Fuckign ableism
Yes, I'm narcissistic, I have NPD you fucking asshole. I'm sure that's not what you meant though, cause ableists like you LOVE to just throw that word around, don't you?
You deserve to be punched in the fucking face over and over you fucking cunt.
You're fucking wrong. We know shit about the brain you insufferable fucking cunt. We know enough to know that some disorders are only caused by trauma, you stupid bitch. Stop using the excuse that we "know nothing about the brain." That doesn't prove anything, it just makes you look like an idiot who hasn't searched anything up
I'm assuming, by this logic, you probably support transdiabled because I mean "we know nothing about the brain uwu, maybe some people can just magically decide they have PTSD for fun because that makes SO much sense, I'm so not ableist, now let me call you your disorder like a fucking skur because i think the word is synonymous with abuser because im ableist"
I hate you, I hate people like you. Come off anon you pussy, I'm sure people would LOVE to know who you are you fucking shit bag. People like you are so fucking horrible, I hope you all go extinct.
And you know what. YES. I'm the only one correct, because clearly people like you can't even fucking think of how wrong you are. So fuck off you stupid twat. No one fucking loves you, no one will ever love you, you will die alone because you're an insufferable ableist bitch.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
First, giving kudos to the twt user here for inspiring this angsty idea to write about! I've seen a couple of movies of where this sort of thing happens to the main character and I wanted to write from Caleb's perspective of how it is for him when he wakes up to not knowing who MC is. Another reference to note is the movie "Momento" as my inspiration.
"She"
CalebxMC
Oneshot Angst Fic
Tags: Memory loss, semi-canon, character x mc, suggestive moments mentioned, upsetting or triggering themes such as violent outbursts/confusion, Caleb's POV
Words: 1.9K
"Who are you?"
My brain feels heavy, my vision is in a haze from last night's sleep. One thing, however, is clear: I have no idea who this woman is in my bed or if this is even my room. It doesn't look the same. I panic and look around for anything I might see that I recognize, but I can't recall.
"Caleb?" The woman speaks to me in a soft voice, reaching out to me with kind eyes as if she's known me for years. I cringe, nearly falling out of the bed in an attempt to get away from her. My flight response is set, the voices in my head telling me to leave and get to safety. Though my heart is...unusually steady.
"Again, who are you?!" I yell at her, and she doesn't seem affected. She simply tells me her name, which brings me more confusion.
MC.
I try my best to recall that name, though when I think, my head throbs, causing more harm than need be. Rushing to the bathroom, I look in the mirror, breathing deeply to calm myself until I spy a small sticky note in the upper corner.
Your name is Caleb.
"Caleb...yeah, okay." I look around for other clues, trying to see if there's anything else like the sticky note lying around, and there is. There's one on the vanity on the left side of the bathroom.
This vanity is for her. Your girlfriend.
I look over at my bed at the woman who's still sitting in it. Was she...her? The note didn't have a name. I look at my hand; there's no ring, so I'm not married. I feel my chest, and my hand clasps around dog tags and an apple charm.
"What is this?" I ask out loud, still unsure of myself about what was happening. "Who gave me this?"
"Me." The woman stands up, covering herself with the thick blanket as I notice she doesn't have clothes on. I realize I don't either. I put two and two together, assuming that the woman in front of me right now is my girlfriend.
"You, you're my girlfriend...MC." I make the statement out loud to affirm it. My heart quickens; I feel full, blissful, and safe. This must be true. She comes up to me, one hand to cup my cheek with a smile. I smile back, but weakly, still cautious even though I'm sure that I'm right and MC is my lover. When she stands on her toes for a kiss, however, I push her back in an instant. "I'm sorry...I..."
"It's okay, Caleb. It's been a few weeks since we had to do this. I understand."
"A few weeks?" I don't understand what she means by her statement. Was this something normal? For me to wake up and not remember a damn thing? It couldn't be.
She walks away, going over to another part of the room to touch the wall over a black desk covered with other items I don't recognize right away. I come closer, seeing a hat, a uniform, a badge, a few medals, some strange charging stations, and a laptop. A screen populates in the area where she touched, a video of myself dressed in a basic white tank top and black shorts, one of my arms isn't the same color, in fact, made of metal.
|Hey bud, I bet you're watching' this wondering...who the hell is that guy? Well, I'm you, uh, me? You get it. Anyway, if you haven't noticed the sticky notes you put up, or noticed our lovely girlfriend in the room...|
I look over at MC to see her covering her face, either smiling, crying, or a mixture of both. My attention turns back to the screen when I start speaking again, the pause intentional.
|...She's the reason you're keeping yourself sane for the most part. There's...something about you that resets your memory. You can't get rid of it without him. You know who it is; you should remember that at least.|
"The Professor." I say in unison with the recording.
| Yup. That guy. Don't worry about him, though. Focus on grounding yourself. MC gave you a necklace; that's your anchor. Even if you forget and she's not around, touching it frequently will help keep you from losing it. There are more recordings and notes you'll find along the way. And don't forget the biggest thing of all. Never, ever do that again. You know what I mean. Oh, and don't forget to charge your arm! Later, uh, me.|
The recording ends with him smiling and giggling in the background, from who I'm assuming is MC, who's recording me. I look over at her once more to see that she's wiping away tears but still smiling. I feel a pang of guilt as I stroke the necklace, wondering if what was mentioned toward the end of the video had to be related to her. To never do whatever it was that I did.
"So it's true. You're my girlfriend, and my memories, they...reset. How often?"
She explains to me that my memories seem to reset during high stress or strenuous activities. A blush spreads across her face when she mentions the night before was our first time together sexually and that must have done it due to how long we went at it. It was now my turn to feel embarrassed, even more so since I was still naked. After getting properly dressed, MC hands me a notebook filled with various notes and tips that both she and I wrote. My morning routine, my workout schedule, my job, and how MC and I knew each other from childhood. Everything was here, also with dates written next to it. As I continue to read, everything starts piecing together and making sense, my mind at ease. I even remember that this book was first made last year, and the day that we made it official was some time after this, created exactly on today's date, making it nine months of being together.
"Some anniversary, huh?" I try to lighten the mood, and she rolls her eyes and playfully punches my shoulder. I smirk and then look back down at the book, noticing there was a page that was ripped out but paperclipped back inside. The page is also crumpled, the handwriting as if written in anguish. I recognize it as my own and silently read it.
She's in the hospital because of you.
She's in the hospital because of you.
You hurt her.
You hurt her.
You fucking hurt her.
You promised you'd always protect her, even from yourself. Remember today that you fucked up.
My eyes tremble as I read further down, nearly throwing up after I see the words written in someone else's handwriting I can't recognize: She deserves better than you.
I feel her hand gently press against my back, and I shrug away, moving forward as the book shakes in my hands.
"Why is this in here? Who put this page in here...? I don't...I can't remember this at all." As I stammer and start to panic again, MC tries her best to calm me down, asking what I was referring to. I show her the page, and she gasps, taking it from me and ripping it into pieces.
"That wasn't supposed to be there...he must have put it back in the book." She says with anger laced on her tongue.
"Who wrote that last part?"
"Caleb, calm down. You'll reset again. Just please, go back to bed, and I'll call your job."
"No. Don't do anything. Who wrote that...why won't you tell me?"
"Because it doesn't matter; it won't make a difference—"
"Tell me...RIGHT NOW!" I blow up on her, my arm tossing the book so hard across the room it smashes into a picture that falls and breaks. MC doesn't answer me as she runs over to hug me instead. I try to shove her off, but she doesn't budge. Something in me rages, my anger and anxiety mixing as I try again with all my weight, and I push her off to the floor.
"Why won't you tell me? Is it because you aren't my girlfriend at all and just some stranger that walked in my house? If you are, then you need to leave."
There's tears in her eyes, but she stares at me angrily, bracing herself as she gets herself up and tries to come at me. I cry out and rush toward her, the two of us crashing into the wall as I pin her against it with my arm, seeing that part of the skin had scraped away and revealed the metallic surface underneath. She struggles in determination and looks at me.
"Caleb, don't be stupid right now; it's me. Please remember. Pipsqueak? That's me!"
My eyes go wide when the nickname registers in my brain immediately. A pain surges through my head, and I groan in pain and grit my teeth. It plays over and over in my head as flashes of my life show me calling her pipsqueak on multiple occasions, even now as adults.
"Your necklace, Caleb, touch it."
I remember what I told myself in the recording: the necklace was my anchor. I use my free hand to grab it, rubbing my thumb over it until something populates on the wall. Another recording. I watch a different me this time, disheveled, hair a mess, blood on my face, and scrapes on my hands. I'm sitting in the bathroom, trembling and crying as I set the camera down to speak.
|You really did it this time, Caleb. You had one job, and you blew it. If you're watching this, it's because you're about to do it again, aren't you? Hurt her.|
My eyes pan over to MC, who's still pinned against the wall. I give her room to breathe as she slides to the floor, coughing and catching her breath. I look over at the recording and back up, sitting down in the stray chair behind me.
|You freaked out, turned on her, and she ended up in the hospital. This is her blood on you. This is-|
I watch myself break down mid-sentence, and I can't help but feel pathetic and hopeless. I rub my thumb across one of the dog tags again, and recording shuts off. Forcing myself to watch anything further would be redundant now that I was aware of what it is that I did.
"It was him who wrote that on the page, wasn't it?" I say quietly. I met her eyes, the pain that exists in them. Not for herself but for me, confirming what I said and anything else I would ask beyond that. I hurt her. I had another episode and took it out on the one person I cared about more than myself.
"MC...I'm—" She cuts me off by running over to me and jumping into my lap with her arms around my neck. We both cry and embrace each other, and she whispers to me that she loves me, that it's fine, and that I will be fine. I try to wrap my arms around her as well but can only manage one of them, the other feeling heavy and limp against my body.
"You need to charge your arm again." MC says with a frustrated huff, scolding me as she rolls the chair over to the desk toward the charging station. I look at her, my eyes still wet, and a weak smile as I watch her. I can't believe how lucky I am in this moment to have someone like her, a woman who loves me so much she was willing to write notes and deal with my worst moments; that one phrase was correct in some way. I didn't deserve her. But I also can't live without her and refuse to.
