#tlouau

  The man that had turned your world upside down the moment he stepped foot into your kitchen that he would soon remodel. The kitchen that you got to enjoy for just shy of a year after it was completed before selling your home and moving in with him. The newly remodeled kitchen being the major selling point. The smug look on his face when you got well over the asking price. The look that you so often indulged in wiping off his face when you had him writhing beneath you. This burly, breadth of a man that made you believe in love again. 

  He most certainly noticed on the first night of your vacation. The one you had both worked so hard for. 

  Secret Springs Resort

  An all inclusive beach resort vacation that he had meticulously planned down to the minute. Even the daily naps were planned because he knew how you could get bratty when you were tired. 

  It pained him the way you picked at your food and shuffled it around the plate as if he wouldn’t notice. 

  The way you squint your eyes in fake pleasure to signal that you enjoyed the bite. 

  The look he so often noticed at home during a meal or out to dinner but he so foolishly thought you would be care free while in this oceanic oasis.  

  The second night. 

  When you blamed the sun burn and your headache as to why you couldn’t eat much more than a few bites. The way your eyes watered when he moaned eating his steak and you stared longingly at the buttery garlic noodles that you wanted to dive headfirst into.  

  You said you were too full for dessert and yet Joel knew you better than that. A small sliver of hope when he let you feed him some ice cream, but his hopes quickly squashed when you had one bite and pushed it away. 

  The third day was your day to relax. No excursions planned and the weather far too hot to lay on the beach. Joel opted to lay among the sheets with you for most of the morning. His head resting between your plush thighs as you played with his thick curls. 

  The way it always started out so innocent and yet he could have you falling apart beneath him in minutes. 

  It’s the most relaxed he’s seen you this entire trip, and even if he dies for lack of oxygen he’ll never come up for air if it means seeing you like this. 

  It’s why he opts to spend the entire day taking full advantage of the luxury suite. Finding different ways to bend you over every surface of this room…the balcony, the couch, the bathroom sink. The shower steams until the mirror fogs over. Fucking and laughing until he thinks he may have pulled a muscle. The way you call him an old man in jest because he knows he could outlast you any day. 

  It’s why as he watches you sleep, your soft curves peeking out beneath the rumpled covers as the sun sets over the water he decides you’ll just complete the day inside. A quick call to room service and the woman on the other line doesn’t balk when he nearly orders everything on the menu. All your favorites so there’s no room for argument. In the safety of your private room, away from prying eyes so he can finally put a stop to whatever is holding you back. 

  It’s the smell that first wakes you first. In the quiet comfort of the sheets you get the hint of the savory aroma of fresh baked pizza and garlic bread. Your stomach growling and heart warming at the familiar smells that fill the air. You blink sleepily as your gaze falls on Joel, shirtless with his jeans hung low on his hips as he bustles around the room. Plates and silverware clinking as he sets up a small table on the balcony. 

  He turns with a gentle smile as he hears you rustling in the sheets. “Hey there, sleepyhead. I hope you’re hungry.”  

  Your eyes widen slightly at the sight of the spread. A large pizza with all your favorite toppings. One half with pineapple because Joel thought it was blasphemy. A steaming bowl of pasta with Parmesan cheese and marinara sauce. Golden slices of garlic bread arranged neatly on the side. 

  Your throat constricts with the unexpected sensation of gratitude and anxiety. 

  “You…you didn’t have to do all this.” You murmur, feeling a rush of vulnerability. 

  Joel strides over to you on the bed, draping the silky resort robe around your shoulders. “I know.” He says softly as he places a kiss on your forehead. “But I wanted to darlin’. Ya deserve to enjoy all your favorites without feeling self conscious.” 

  Tears well up in your eyes as you look up at him. Overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness, at the way he surprised you everyday. “Thank you.” You whisper, with a slight tremble. “It means a lot to me.” 

  He didn’t expect you to bend so easily, yet he’s relieved all the same. A sense of pride blooming in his chest as you sit together on the balcony sharing bites of pizza and stories about your past. Things you want for your future, some things he’s heard and some things he’ll pocket for later. 

  He can tell as the meal goes on and you relax that you want to say it. To tell him why you’re this way, but he already knows it’s him. The reason he had to break down so many walls. The man whose name is rarely mentioned in your home because anytime it is Joel wants to find a way to make him a missing person. 

  When he looks at you like you’ve hung the moon and the stars as he twirls the pasta on the plate and holds it out for you, like an olive branch to open up. 

  You start tentatively to explain your past insecurities. How your ex made you feel ashamed for enjoying food. How he always made sure you knew to eat less than him. 

  “I always felt like I had to justify why I ate.” You say quietly as you sip your water. “But you…you make me feel comfortable just being myself.” 

  Joel reached across the table to take your hand, placing a kiss to your palm. “You don’t ever have to justify anything with me baby.” He says earnestly. “I want you to be happy and feel good about yourself. You should cuz you’re fuckin perfect.” 

  You smiled gratefully as he wiped a stray tear from your cheek. You knew with Joel beside you, you could let go of old hurts and embrace moments like this. Where kindness, understanding and a simple meal could say so much more than words could express. 

  He’s starting to feel it now as he weaves his way through the sea of families. Groups of faces that look similar, matriarchs and patriarchs seated and gushing about their babies who aren’t really babies anymore at this high level of educational accomplishment. 

  One too many old ladies pointing him out as he finds an open seat hoping he can pretend not to hear the hushed whispers of ‘he must be married’ or ‘if i was a younger woman’. 

  He rubs his hand nervously along the back of his neck as he remembers those breathing techniques you told him about. You’d said the first time you noticed him gripping your hand a little tighter at the farmers market or the time at the movies when he wouldn’t stop checking the exits that maybe he had a little phobia. He can’t remember the name right now, maybe arachnophobia or somethin’. You are always so much better than him with words and explanations. 

  Right now though he breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth as the sound of the crowd dies down a little. 

  The announcements start for the English majors and his eyes are focused on the decorated caps. You’d kept it a secret all week while you were getting ready, promising to show him when it was all over. The ridiculous amount of gems and glue had him a bit worried of what the outcome would look like. 

  He’s trying to care about the other names but in reality there’s just one he wants to hear come over the loudspeaker. It drones on as each person smiles and shakes the hand of the men and women who selfishly collect money from them when they’ve yet to get their lives started. The woos from the families lull him into a sense of calmness and he nearly misses it when they announce you. 

  His ears perk up at the last name Miller and he’s not fully expecting to see you as you squeeze the hand of your friend next to you and head towards the stage. He’s still getting used to hearing his last name attached to yours and the pride swells in him as you cross the stage beaming from ear to ear as you accept your diploma. You don’t bother searching the crowd for family you know wouldn’t care and hasn’t cared in some time about your life and personal achievements. 

  He’s made it more than clear to you that he’s all the family you need. When he sees the way you are with his brother and Sarah he can’t help but think about what a loss it is for your estranged family. Their loss is his gain and he’d be a fool to let you slip away now that he’s got you branded with his name. 

  As you take your seat again he gets a good look at your cap, the sun catches it just right as the sparkles shine along the edges. The loud laugh that erupts from him startles the old woman next to him and he has to excuse himself as he covers his smile with his hand. Tommy will get a kick out of this later on when he sees it. He’s busy finishing up at the construction site so he can join the rest of them at the surprise party that Sarah and Maria insisted on throwing you at the last minute. 

  He steps out into the hallway with some of the other families as the ceremonies come to a close. He’s so excited and anxious to see you that he’s completely forgotten about his claustrophobia or whatever it’s called. Probably still the wrong name but he doesn’t really care as he starts to see the people filing out of the auditorium and running to greet their families. 

  You come out almost last walking hand in hand with one of your friends and your cap clutched between your fingers in the other. You give her a kiss on the cheek as you part ways and smile to yourself no doubt relieved and proud of yourself for finally finishing. He can finally get a good look at your ensemble, your shoulder adorned with all sorts of different color ropes and sashes. He listened to you explain what each one meant to Sarah the other night over dinner and he couldn’t have been more excited to think about her wearing them one day soon. 

  He can tell you didn’t expect him to be there as you make your way towards the exit, you stiffen as he gently places his hands on your shoulders. 

  “Where ya goin so fast darlin’?” You gasp before turning around as he cautiously kisses your neck, sending shivers down your spine. 

  He can smell your new perfume, the one he got you as an early graduation present. You were still so stubborn about asking for things you wanted and he saw you eyeing it in the mall and then he caught you smelling the page insert of that magazine you liked with the scent. 

  “Joel, what are you doing here?” You turn around leaping into his arms, squeezing the life out of him as he chuckles into your hair. 

  “Did ya think I was gonna miss this?” His southern accent comes out thicker and slurred when he’s in your presence, much more relaxed when he can touch and feel that you’re real. “It’s not everyday that my girl graduates from college.” He sets you down lightly on your heels, just about the only bit of skin he can see as the gown dwarfs the rest of you. He still doesn’t know how you walk in those things but he won’t complain when it’s all that you’re wearing at the end of the night. 

  You wipe the stray tears that have shed careful not to ruin your makeup. “I wouldn’t have been upset if you didn’t come.” You look around the hallway noticing most of the families have cleared. “That was a lot of people to handle with your agoraphobia, I’m proud of you.” 

  He snaps his fingers “agoraphobia.” 

  He closes the small space between you holding your face between his large palms. He kisses you like he’s been away at war, like it’s the last time he’ll kiss you or perhaps the first time and he can’t get enough. All the swell of emotions as you take in the fact that he wasn’t one for pda and now he’s got his tongue down your throat and you’re practically moaning at the way he consumes you. 

  He breaks the kiss momentarily as you catch your breath. You duck your head into his chest as he laughs quietly holding you close to him. 

  “What’s so funny Joel?” 

  “Oh nothin, I just find it funny that you’re proud of me. Figured it should be the other way around, don't you?” His eyebrows raise at you and then flit to the cap dangling in your hand. “Let’s see it then.” 

  You smile all innocently at him as you hand it over. A hint of mischief behind it and he can’t help but think about what’s usually happening when you look at him that way. 

  In large rhinestones reads Sponsored by Miller and Co. 

“Sorry it took us longer to get here than we originally said.” Will insisted on being the only one to speak to Joel so as to not ruffle any feathers. Santi is seated in the chair next to him as he fidgets uncomfortably. The office was neat but worn, much like Joel. Filled with things from before, the wooden mahogany desk Joel sat behind as he took a more relaxed posture to the serious conversation. 

  Benny moves idly around the room,touching things he shouldn’t as Frankie nervously leans on the wall near the door. He’s still on edge from the events it took to get here and he wants to be aware of all his surroundings. 

  “No apologies needed,I’m sorry you all lost one of your own.” Santi scoffs and Joel throws him a sideways glare. 

  “I don’t mean to be insensitive but he put himself and us in danger.” Will clears his throat and Santi hangs his head, he was usually the one in charge so it was hard for him to hold his tongue. He desperately needed to humble himself after the fallout in the Dallas QZ. This was their last opportunity to find a place to call home. 

  “We don’t need to bother you with the details of Tom's death.” Right now. 

  Joel will definitely want to hear the details at some point. If he was going to trust these men he often demanded to know everything. There were no secrets around him and the mere fact that whispering was going on behind his back in town was the reason he enlisted his cousin's help.

  “Why don’t we get down to business so you fellas can rest for the evenin.” Joel pulls a small black notebook out of his desk drawer and flips to a tan near the end. 

  “I run a pretty lucrative bar here in Boston, not the only bar but the most successful. If you’re gonna spend your ration cards you don’t want the product or the company to be shit.” The low timber in his voice is incredibly distracting to Frankie as he tries to focus on what he’s saying. 

  “I’ve run into a few problems lately and that’s not good for business. Too many fights, too many risky clientele feeling comfortable here and most importantly too many patrons hassling my bartender.”

  Frankie’s not sure why that’s the most important over the other issues, bartenders could hold their own and if they couldn’t he could just find someone else to pour the cheap liquor that most people consumed just to get some sleep or forget about the world they lived in. 

  “William and Santiago, I need you to be my eyes and ears in the bar while it’s open and outside the bar while it’s closed. Benjamin I need you to keep the patrons in line when it gets busy, I’ve had fights shut me down for a few days and we can’t have that.” He stops his wandering around the room to grin amongst the other men. 

  “So I’m just a bouncer.”

  “Ben!” Will stands from his chair to approach but Joel raises his hand, stopping any further movement.

  “It’s fine, I know it sounds boring but it will be plenty exciting.” Ben spins the globe on the desk seemingly more fascinated in that than arguing about his new job. 

  “Francisco…you have the most important job.” Frankie looks up from the scratches he’s been studying on the floor, not much interested until now what their jobs were. He just wanted somewhere to rest for the first time in weeks. 

  “I need you to look after my bartender, she’s one of the main reasons why this place is so popular and lately she’s been getting hassled.” He turns to him, raising an eyebrow but lets him continue. “Make sure she can do her job with no interruptions and walk her home when I have late business dealings at the bar.” He thinks it’s a joke at first but he sees the seriousness in Joel’s face. 

  Joel was not a small man, he had strong broad shoulders and a commanding tone that said he was not to be fucked with. Frankie doesn’t need to continue to list the reasons why he couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere but the floor before being addressed formally.Until now

  “Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude but you seem like a man that can take care of his staff without question.” Joel smiles a wide berth grin that would have anyone else on their knees.

  “I certainly can take care of my staff but I can’t be everywhere at once. In order for me to continue my business as usual I need to make sure she’s safe.”

  Ben is bent over in laughter and Frankie’s jaw clenches at the sight of Santis' shoulder visibly shaking while his back is turned to him.

  “I’m sorry for complaining about my job Joel, I’d gladly be a bouncer over a babysitter.” Frankie shoots him a look and Ben just raises his hands in mock surrender. 

  “Jesus Ben what the fuck is wrong with you,are you trying to embarrass me.” Will is in his face now practically spitting fire. 

  Joel hasn’t so much as flinched throughout the entire meeting, he seems eerily calm despite the group of men all but spitting in his face at the offer of jobs and a place to stay. They weren’t much for authority after the outbreak or staying in one place too long. It was a hard habit to break.

  “Relax Will I know you boys have had a long journey, I’ll just chalk it up to exhaustion and hope it doesn’t happen again.” He says the last part directly to Benny which seems to temporarily shut him up.

  Frankie’s had enough of this meeting and he's  wondering what is so goddamn special about this…

  Suddenly the door to the office opens and from where he’s standing he thinks maybe he’s died and gone to heaven. 

  You’re standing there in a baby blue sundress, the stark contrast to your black combat boots. You’re holding a tray with a drink that looks like a traditional old fashioned and a single cigar. Three two luxuries he hasn’t had in awhile standing right in front of him.

  “Joel…I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were expecting people. I’ll come back later.” 

  “Hold on sugar, not so fast. I'd like you to meet a few people.” He motions for you to come over and you hesitantly make your way around the desk to set the tray down. He taps on his thigh with one finger so subtle that only you could see. 

  It wasn’t unlike Joel to show possession but in what seemed to be a private meeting this was unusual. Still you knew not to test him in front of company you could be a brat on your own time.

  You took a seat on his lap with your legs tossed to the side, you were feeling exposed in your dress and it didn’t help when he had you seated so precariously. He looked at you with those deep brown eyes, they almost seemed black with the way he was so excited to be showing you off. 

  “I should be the one apologizing to you, this meetings gone on longer than I anticipated and it’s cutting into our special time.” He talks as if you’re the only one in the room and your cheeks grow hot at the bold way he suggests what you were going to do in his office. 

  Frankie’s throat has gone dry, the temperature in the room is stifling as he feels a bead of sweat travel down his back. He should look somewhere else but he can’t take his eyes off the way your dress rides up the way you're seated on Joel’s lap. His large calloused hands rubbing slowly up and down your thigh as he talks so sweetly to you. 

  He wonders what it would feel like to get his hands on you, your skin looks so soft and he can imagine his face buried between…

  “Fish…” Did someone say his name?

  You’re chuckling to yourself  as you finally meet his gaze, those soft brown eyes much like Joel’s but just a hint of innocence. He takes his cap running his fingers through those soft locks and quickly places it back on his head. You wonder what it would feel like to run your fingers through his hair or grip it as he…

  “He’s the one that’ll be looking after you.” Joel’s voice brings you back to the moment and all you can seem to remember is someone called him.

  “Fish?” You look at the older blonde and incredibly handsome man sitting across from you for some guidance. 

  They all laugh amongst themselves, perhaps some inside joke you weren’t privy to and you can’t help but notice how handsome they all are. The younger blonde who is much too enthralled in the trinkets in Joel’s office, lets you know he hasn’t seen much of life before the outbreak. If it weren’t for Joel you wouldn’t know of such things either. 

  The shorter man with the salt and pepper curls gave you a flirtatious wink, not unlike some of the men in Boston who tried to gain your attention. You didn’t have time for men like him but he seemed more of a gentleman than the latter. 

  “Umm…it’s just a nickname sweetheart, his name is Frankie, the bouncy one over there is my brother Ben, this is Santi and my name is Will.” You’ll be sure to remember Frankie. 

  Joel squeezes your thigh and tips his head towards the room. 

  “My name is Moonshine.” You still weren’t sure about these men and you weren’t interested in giving out your real name just yet. 

  Joel leans in close to your ear, his breath is hot on your skin as he traces that spot on your neck with his lips. “This shy sweet act you’re puttin on is cute.” He loves to tease, and right now you’re not feeling like being your usual bratty self. 

  “Joel I really should be getting the bar set up for tonight.” You’ve had enough of being on display and you figure he’s made his point whatever that may be. 

  “Sure thing Darlin.” He taps your leg as you stand and hands you the drink on the tray. Confusion etched across your face as to why he would hand you his afternoon cocktail. 

  “You should let Francisco have a taste, it seems like he wants to try it.” Frankie forgets how to breathe, it’s like all the air has been sucked out of the room.Was it that obvious? The way he’s been transfixed on you. If so then he’s surely out of a job before it even starts. 

  You cross the short distance to him silently thanking the gods that you remembered how to move your legs. You hand him the glass and your fingers barely touch but you both feel the electricity between you. Your composure was breaking sitting in Joel’s lap and now it’s threatening to combust. Just as you reach the door you hear Joel clear his throat behind you. You silently curse under your breath as you turn on your heel. 

  “Moon, don’t you want to see Francisco’s face when he tries it? You made it after all.” The way Joel says his name and the way you’re looking at him, pleading more than anything to be out of this situation. 

  He lifts the glass to his lips without breaking your eye contact and it takes everything in him not to moan at the strong but sweet flavor as it floods his senses. He doesn’t think he’s tasted anything this good in a very long time. You don’t miss the way his throat bobs as he takes two large gulps of the drink. Joel liked it from before and he taught you how to make it, you hope Frankie likes it just as much. 

  “This…this is incredible. I’ve never tasted anything like it.” It feels like he’s staring into your soul, you haven’t felt like this since…you met Joel. 

  “I’m sure you haven’t.” Joel drops his tone dangerously low and you can feel the shift in the room. So can he and he knows there won’t be much back talk from the team now. 

  “You can go now sweetheart, I’ll see you later.” You finally leave the office and desperately clutch your chest on the other side of the wall, trying to catch your breath. You need to get a grip around him or you are going to be in big trouble. 

  “That right there is why we’re the best bar in town.” Joel’s pointing in Frankie’s direction and he hasn’t taken his eyes off the melting ice in the glass as the condensation drips down his fingers. “We also have the best booze.” Frankie looks at him now and he knows why his job is the most important. 

  “You guys take tonight off and rest, your apartments are upstairs a few floors above the bar. Feel free to come down for a drink when you’re rested.” A bed and a hot shower sounded like heaven right about now. 

  “You sure you don’t want us to start tonight.” Will never wanting to be a burden can’t help but offer as Ben grumbles from somewhere in the room. 

  “No I’d actually prefer you watch how things run normally so you can see for yourself what I’m dealing with.” Joel stands from his desk to shake each of their hands as they exit the room and Frankie sets the glass down on the tray before shaking his. 

  He turns to him before he leaves hesitating in the doorway. “Thank you for this opportunity Mr.Miller,it was a pleasure to meet you.” He picks up the glass as he laughs, swirling it around, eyeing the way it moves so freely.

  “The drink must have been good if you’re thankin me already.” He takes the rest of the drink down in one gulp and sets it back on the tray. “You can call me Joel and the pleasures all mine.” 

  Frankie finally exits the room taking a few deep breaths as he walks through the bar. Fuck he was in big trouble.

  ****

Later that night after some much needed rest and the hottest shower the boys have had in months they all file down to the bar to grab a drink and do some intel. 

  It’s plenty packed as they slide into a large booth in the corner of the room. They’re used to having eyes on them but there’s so much commotion they’re hardly noticed. The bar smells of smoke and stale cologne. It’s a myriad of noises from the dragging of chairs across the floor to the clinking of glasses in celebration. Inside this bar would almost make you feel like things were normal outside. 

  There’s a small stage with a beautiful brunette playing songs on a guitar. She must be around their age if she’s old enough to know these songs, of course Santi’s attention is rapped on her as the sweet melody carries  throughout the noise of raucous laughter and men getting a little too loud. A few couples are dancing on the small black and white tiles in front of the stage. People seem to be happy here or at least attempting to be. 

  The wall is lined with booths with cracked red leather seats and cherry wood tables. The middle of the room is mostly tables and chairs where a lot of the seedy men Joel mentioned have congregated. Will notices a lot of ration cards being passed about and makes a mental note to mention it to Joel. It seems too much side business is happening in this bar which is sure to bring some unwanted attention. 

  Ben hears some yelling at the front door and sees Joel dragging someone out by their collar, he starts to slide out of the booth before Will grabs his shoulder and tugs.

  “We’re supposed to be observing.” Ben shrugs his arm off and sits back against the booth. 

  “You expect me not to go over there?” 

  “I thought you didn’t want this job.” Joel closes the door and glances their way offering them a curt smile. 

  “Ya well I wouldn’t mind hitting someone right about now, he wasn’t lying when he said I wouldn’t be bored.” Bennys fingers are tapping the table nervously, he was ready to start his new job if it meant he could rough some people up and get paid again. 

  Until the scuffle at the front door Frankie’s attention has been solely on you. From the moment he walked in he could tell you were in your element. The way you moved so fluidly behind the bar like it was second nature. You had to have at least 30 people waiting for drinks and you somehow managed to command attention from all of them. He was focused on the way your lips moved when you asked what they wanted or the way you spoke with your eyes to let someone know you’d be right with them. You would make 3 or 4 drinks at a time without breaking a sweat. It was entirely too distracting when you would shake the drink high over your head with one hand and manage to pour a beer with the other. Now he notices the line is gone as well as you. 

  “Hi boys.” A tray of beers slamming on the table snaps him out of his trance. You’re wearing a black thin tank with cut off black shorts and your boots from earlier. The red lipstick is a little faded from wearing all night but it compliments you perfectly. He can smell the hint of vanilla and something citrus wafting off you over the pungent smells of the bar. 

  “I saw you come inside a while ago but I was so busy, I hope beer is fine I don’t really have time to make you my specialty cocktail.” You place the glasses and pour them all beers noticing the way Frankie is watching you. 

  “Beer is fine sweetheart, thank you.” Will says looking around the table at his friends who’ve seemed to be interested in other things. 

  “Pope quit gawking at the singer.” Your head snaps to the stage and you smirk to yourself. 

  “So…Pope and Fish, any other nicknames I should know about?” 

  “Iron head is by brothers I don’t have one.” Ben squeaks out before his brother can stop him. You raise an eyebrow at the younger man before turning to the group. 

  “It was our call sign in the military.” Will seems suddenly bashful so you decide not to pry. 

  “What about you Moonshine, you look a little young for that nickname.” Frankie finally speaks a little more confident than he was earlier in the day and you figure now is as good a time as any to drop the shy act. 

  “You don’t look like a Fish and I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.” You wink as you flip the tray under your arm. “Oh by the way my name is -, and ugh… Pope her name is Charity.” You point to the brunette on stage and he smiles to himself as you turn and walk away. 

  “So what’s her real name?” You spin on your heel and walk back to the table, as you reach across to grab his beer from his hand Frankie can just barely see down your black tank top, you down Santi’s beer in no time flat, as you tipped your head back some beer spilled down your neck and it takes all the willpower in the world for Frankie to not lean forward and lick it off you. 

  “Her real name is Charity ass hole.” You pour him another beer as Benny gives you a slow clap, pleasantly amused at his friend's wide eyed expression. 

  You saunter away towards the bar as Pope gives a low whistle. 

  “Have fun with that one hermaño.” Frankie shoots Santi a look that says drop it and he knows he’s only kidding but he realizes that he does indeed have his work cut out for him. 

  “Get your hands off me!” You haven’t made it very far when he sees some grubby older man has your arm in a grip that is sure to leave marks. Joel’s crossing the room before Frankie even realized he was standing and heading towards the table. 

  “I’ve been waiting for a drink for ten minutes.” He’s practically spitting in your face, piss drunk and certainly doesn’t need anymore. Ben obviously moved faster than any of them could and too fast for Will to stop him. Much to his surprise he grabs the man’s arm and pries his fingers from yours. You take a step back directly into Frankie and he holds you before you stumble. 

  Joel comes up to you, caging you in between him and Frankie and you’re suddenly less concerned with your arm and more concerned at their close proximity to you. This would be a fantasy in any other circumstance but right now you wished you were anywhere else. 

  “You okay sweetheart, are you hurt?” He’s looking you over for any signs that you need help but he knows you’re used to it. Which is why he asked for help in the first place. You shouldn’t have to get used to treatment like this. 

  “I’m fine Joel, just Jim way too drunk again.” He leans in and places a soft kiss on your cheek and you can still feel the heat coming from Frankie as your back is pressed to his chest, his hands still idly placed on your hips. 

  Joel makes his way over to Ben who is all but grinning at the man who he has pinned to the table. He leans down and whispers something in the drunk man’s ear causing him to tense slightly. 

  “Ben, why don’t you help our friend find his way outside.” He yanks him up by his collar, not waiting for his footing to steady and all but drags him out of the bar. The entire display is a warning to any other patrons who think they’re going to continue this behavior in his establishment any longer. 

  Frankie releases you and silently curses himself for holding onto you for so long. You turn to face him and you can feel it again, that spark from earlier that threatens to ignite something inside you. He just stares at you for a moment and something is pulling him in, as dangerous as it is he can’t ignore it. 

  “Thanks Francisco.” Joel’s voice breaks you apart and you both jump back as if you had been caught doing something in the middle of the bar. You stumble around to the bar to attend to the people who’ve been waiting. 

  “Looks like you’re itching to start your job.” Joel crosses his arms and nods his chin at you already diligently working. 

  “I’m sorry…I just couldn’t sit by and watch.” Frankie doesn’t know what to do with his hands as he fiddles with the hem of his flannel. This is the closest he’s been to Joel and he can see the age lines and the soft curls, he can see why you’re so taken with him. He leans in close so that only Frankie can hear.

  “No need to apologize…it’s why I picked you after all.” Joel walks to the front of the stage  and Frankie can still feel his hot breath ghosting over his neck. 

  “Last call folks, I hope you enjoyed your night.” He walks over to you planting a kiss on your temple before retreating to his office for the night. 

  They finish their beers as they watch the people file out, staying to make sure you don't have any problems. You insisted they head up since Joel wouldn’t be working late tonight, unfortunately for Frankie you wouldn’t need a personal escort but he would have his chance soon. 

  ****

  You collapse into Joel, both of you trying to catch your breath after he somehow managed to pull 3 orgasms out of you. Something was up with him tonight and quite frankly had been all day. You really should get up but lying on his chest feeling the rise and fall as his breath evens out is starting to lull you to sleep. He’s humming some tune he always does after sex while he trails his fingers up and down your sweaty back. 

  “Sorry if I was too rough Shine.” You pepper kisses along his chest as you try to see his face in the dark room only lit by the moon. You can see his brow furrowed in deep concentration. The complete opposite of what it should be in this moment. You draw your thumb across his forehead to smooth it out causing a low chuckle from him. 

  “You could never be too rough with me.” You trace the line of his bicep with your finger down his arm before interlocking yours with his. 

  “I was wondering what got into you today though? This morning when I met the guys you were acting strange.” He huffs and ponders his words as he continues to lightly rub you. 

  “It was just a lot of testosterone in the room and maybe I got a little carried away…it won’t happen again.” You know he cares for you so deeply and it was honestly harmless but you don’t want anything worrying him more than what he already has to deal with. 

  “But since we’re on the subject…I could ask you the same thing.” You tense slightly just enough for him to notice and you think this is it, you’ve been caught. You don’t want to be the reason they’re all out of a job. 

  “No need to worry sugar, he’s real pretty.” 

  “I promise I was not” He grabs your chin and tilts it up to face him.

  “Don’t lie to me.” That was your one rule, never lie. You gather your thoughts for a moment to weigh your options. You have to be honest with him, and you haven’t actually done anything wrong, not yet at least. 

  “Yes…he’s very handsome but they all are.” He smiles so wicked you could see it in the dark. 

  “You don’t really care for the others though…it’s not wrong to notice.” You’ve only been with Joel and you’re not sure why he’s being so calm about this whole thing. 

  He rolls you off him so he’s on top of you, supporting his weight on his elbows. He dips his head down ghosting his lips over yours and you can feel him slowly getting aroused again. He kisses you soft and sweet, he always takes his time as he pulls away from you taking your bottom lip between his teeth. A simple kiss from him could leave you so breathless. 

  “All I’m sayin is… you’re young and there’s enough love in your heart for more than one person.” I guess you’ll have to read between the lines. Either way it seems you both have other plans for Francisco. 

Next

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It’s approaching fall by the way the soft orange light spills through the windows of your shared bedroom. You’ve lost count of how many nights Frankie’s been a staple in your routine. You hope he’s lost the feeling of being a guest in your home. 

  The light snores coming from both men are a reprieve from the stress of the last few nights since Cain made his dramatic appearance. It’s almost like they share a brain the way you’re awoken from their nightmares simultaneously. The ache between your legs this morning is evident in the only way you know how to bring them both back down to earth when one of them wakes with a blood curdling scream or soaked sweat through the sheets. 

  Everyone has been through their fair share of personal hell since the outbreak but you know these men… the ones you love so deeply that your heart aches at the thought of them hurting anymore than necessary. Joel shared his stories with you when you first met him, about his life before you when he was a “good” man and his life in the beginning of the outbreak when he did some truly awful things. 

  He says you make up for the awful things ten times over. 

  You didn’t think you could meet someone who's gone through as much as Joel has until you met Francisco. Your grandmother used to say some people have tortured souls and you think maybe the two of them were destined for each other between all the collective lives they’ve taken and saved. 

  It took awhile for Frankie to open up to you about his past. You weren’t one to prey either but you think he finally understood when you conveyed to him in so many ways that nothing he could tell you would change the way you felt about him. He had you from the moment you walked into Joel’s office that first day. 

  “Shine.” Joel’s sleepy voice from under your chin startles you slightly. 

  “Sorry I woke you honey.” He tsks as he pulls your warm, pliant body down under him, careful not to wake the other sleeping giant. 

  “You didn’t wake me as much as your thoughts did…what’s going on in that pretty little head?” You don’t know how he does it, it’s so eerie sometimes how he can read you like a book. 

  “I’m just worried about you…both of you.” He hums against your neck and you feel that tug in your core, he has you so easily under his spell. 

  “It’s my job to worry, it’s your job to be sweet…and pretty… and all mine.” He punctuates each word with a kiss as he trails his warm breath down your body.  

  You arch your back pressing your chest into him, silently urging him on as he latches into your exposed breast. You hiss through your teeth as he soothes the spot with his tongue. 

  This soft sweet Joel is still not enough of a distraction for your mind as you think back to last night. His body trembled as he clutched the sheets in terror. He wouldn’t tell you what plagues him and rarely wants you to relive the horrors that have him shouting your name in his sleep. 

  He grabs your chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I’ve lost you again.” 

  “I’m sorry.” You whisper mostly to yourself. 

  “Maybe I should enlist some help.” Joel’s reaching beside you before you can stop him. It’s Pavlovian the way Frankie responds even in sleep as he rolls into your side. His hard length pressed into your thigh, while you’re pinned under Joel’s gaze. 

  He mutters something incoherent under his breath as Joel places a soft kiss along his broad shoulders. 

  “Francisco.” He coos softly and it still amazes you how a strong and intimidating man such as Joel can go all weak in the knees for the man beside him. “Someone’s a little worried about us.” 

  “Mmm it’s not your job to worry hermosa.” A small whimper escapes you as a warm calloused hand works its way between you and Joel, down your sternum, past your navel brushing against where you and Joel meet. 

  “That’s what I told her.” Joel groans deep in your ear as Frankie works his hand through your slit, his fingers dip in as you arch into Joel’s hold on you. 

  Even half awake the man could have you on edge, his deft fingers work you open and he’s not even paying you full attention. You sigh into it, finally relaxing under his expert touch as Joel resumes his exploration of your body with his mouth. 

  “Aren’t you glad I woke him up?” His thumb circles your clit and you moan into Joel’s neck, your fingers carding through his soft curls as your body shivers. Your climax is steadily approaching, you can taste it on the tip of your tongue as you open your legs wider for him. 

  “I think that was a yes, but I can’t be too sure.” His fingers stop their movement  and you whine in frustration. 

  Yes,yes please. 

  Frankie has the nerve to chuckle but continues… his gaze shifts from your blissed out face to his hand buried between you as Joel ruts into you chasing his own high. He can’t come before you but he’s hanging on by a thread as he watches you writhe in pleasure. Your pleasure has always been there undoing. 

  Your climax catches you by surprise as Joel swallows your cries with his mouth,his own end soon following as the warm sticky liquid paints your stomach. Frankie withdraws his hand, gathering Joel’s spend along your stomach, he holds it up to you as you obediently open your mouth. His deep growl reverberates through your body as you lick his fingers clean.Joel twitches against you at the dominant display in front of him. In times past he would be embarrassed at the sight but since Frankie’s joined your bed it’s opened Joel up to you in ways you couldn’t imagine. 

  “I love you.” You breathlessly say hopefully conveying the message to both of them in your post orgasmic bliss. 

  “There’s our sweet girl.” Frankie’s praise is honey in your ears. 

  You both reach for Frankie knowing he’s waited patiently for his own release after being woken up to tend to your needs. He would gladly relish in the dual affection for the rest of whatever this life is willing to give him. 

  You’re both so grateful for Frankie and so you and Joel spend the rest of your lazy morning showing him just how much he’s wanted and needed. 

  ****

  “You’re in a playful mood.” Ben toys with the straw of the drink you made him try as his certified guinea pig for all your new drinks. 

  It was a slower than usual night now that the weather was starting to turn. People opting to stay in on the chilly Boston nights. 

  “Just had a nice morning is all.” He looks up at you from his drink with a glint in his eyes. 

  “Mmm I’m sure you did, Fish has that effect on people.” His eyes flit briefly to Frankie who seems lost in thought at the end of the bar, leaning in his usual spot with his leg up straining his jeans. 

  You worry for a second about what Ben may think of you, maybe they had something before you came into the picture. Is this just a fling for Frankie? An itch that he needs scratched occasionally before he moves on to something else. 

  “I can see your wheels turning Shine, don’t worry that’s in the past.” He grabs your hand across the bar and kisses your palm. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this in love or this happy. Not even with me.” You raise your eyebrows at him and he winks in reply. 

  Frankie’s ears must be ringing as he looks over at the two of you. You’re leaning across the bar whispering something into Ben’s ear and he’s practically beaming from your attention. You seem to have that effect on people. 

  He can only guess as to what you’re talking about as you both look over at him and burst into a fit of laughter. He has a pretty good guess. 

  You saunter over to him twirling the bar towel in your hands. Trouble. 

It was so easy to get Frankie all worked up while he tried to focus on his job. You’re sure you’ll pay for it later but it’s worth seeing the look on his face when you bend over the bar sink and he sees you’re not wearing any panties.

It wasn’t on purpose, it was laundry day and you miscalculated how many you had left. 

The red flushed look creeping up his neck as you wink at him over your shoulder only spurs you on further. He steps up behind you and gently grabs your arm pulling you into him as he leans in close to your ear. 

“Keep it up and we’ll see if you’re still smiling later.” The low timber in his voice makes you want to tease him some more but you stop, besides for a few light touches here and there. It didn’t matter you were in for it either way. 

  ****

  It was hard not ignoring the few customers you had when Santi and Charity graced the small stage with their melodic voices. Watching the two of them with hearts in their eyes made you melt on the spot. 

  Santiago had a voice like molasses dripping slowly from a tree. He strummed his guitar and sand along with Charity, looking at her as if she was the only woman in the room. 

  You all were a bunch of love sick fools lately. A demure brunette sits across from Will in the booth. Jane. She was a quiet reserved patron for weeks until one day she asked Will for his name and that was all it took for his hard exterior to crack. 

  You don’t know how long it’s been for him since he opened up his heart to someone. He had to be the rock, the level headed one of the group. Always making sure his brother was taken care of. 

  It was nice to see him finally open up and embrace his new home. It may have been a little selfish of you but it calmed that flutter in your heart at the prospect of them all not being happy here. You think with the bond they’ve formed, if one left they would all follow. 

  Will always does his best to keep his full attention on anyone when they’re with him, so it’s odd when you notice his eyes struggling to hold their gaze on his crush sitting across from him. He seems uncomfortable in a way you’ve never seen him before. His eyes flit back and forth from Jane to the two patrons seated at a low top table. He leans in and whispers something to her and she kisses him softly, you didn’t think he would be one fire pda but then again all of the boys have surprised you from time to time. She grabs her jacket and sends you a wave as she exits the bar. 

  Your attention is back on the two men around your age, nothing looks out of the ordinary about them but they certainly need drinks if they’re going to loiter. ‘This isn’t a free lounge’ in Joel’s words. 

  You make your way over to the table with a smile on your face as a polite greeting. Both men smile back but not at you,more so at each other. Your hackles go up a bit but you press on knowing you’ve dealt with your fair share bullshit and you can hold your own. 

  “What can I get you boys? Some waters or maybe the specialty cocktail made by yours truly.” 

  “Maybe something else?” He scrubs his hands together as he looks you up and down. 

  “Umm…that’s all we have I’m afraid.” You look hesitantly to the other man as you feel a hand grab your waist and pull you into his lap. 

  You struggle briefly and send an elbow into the stomach of the man who grabbed you. 

  “You bitch!” You move to sleep him after you’ve freed yourself from his grasp but he catches your wrist in his large hand and squeezes tight. 

  Frankie doesn’t like to make you feel like he’s your babysitter. You obviously held your own long before they got here. That’s not to say that Joel didn’t require his help so that you didn’t feel the need to defend yourself every step of the way. He’s seen what happens to women surrounded by wolves in this new world they’ve been living in. It makes him sick what men think they have rights to now that law and order have all but gone out the window. 

  He saw you approach the table to take their order but he also noticed their stance and the way they surveyed the room. Will noticed too but it’s never smart to be the first one to jump. They were not just some ordinary patrons turning in for a drink at the end of a long day and they certainly weren’t FEDRA. The officers in the QZ had made themselves very known to the boys since their arrival. 

  He moves but not quite fast enough as you struggle against his hold on you. Time moves so slow and yet so fast. Tunnel vision on the scene unfolding in front of him. He doesn’t notice Santi hopping off the stage or Ben flanking to his left, all he can see is red and the grip he has on your wrist as you finally yank it free. 

  Ben blocks his view as he grabs his shoulders, shoving him back. 

  “Ben,move!” He grits through his teeth, trying to sidestep the younger, more agile of the two. 

  Before it can go any further your hand is on him gently urging him to calm down. He can’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears but you faintly in the background telling him you’re alright. 

  The music has stopped and the few stragglers have cleared as Santi and Will stand over the two men seated at the table. 

  “Frankie…” He still can’t focus on whose voice it is talking him off the ledge of rage he hasn’t felt in a long time. “Fish!” Ben’s voice finally snaps him out of it as he sees the concerned looks on both of your faces. 

  “We’ve got it man, just take her home.” 

  You leave Frankie briefly now that Ben at least had him relatively calmed down. Charity is on the stage grabbing Santi’s guitar. 

  “What is going on lately?Where is Joel?” She hops down and sits on the edge patting the spot next to her. 

  “I wish I had some answers for you…I know Joel has been running out of supplies for the families that need help this winter.” She sighs as she looks over at the men. The conversation no doubt is much more heated than what lets on. “ This is gonna sound really selfish and if you can help it I don’t want you to judge me.” 

  You brace yourself for whatever she’s going to say. The two of you have always been so open and honest but you’ve never seen the look in her eyes that she’s giving you. 

  “I’ve never been this happy in my entire life, and that scares me so much.” 

  You know the feeling. Being so happy and so scared that it’s all going to be ripped out from under you. Everything in your life was taken from you and why should this be any different. 

  “I don’t know why you think that’s selfish Charity.” 

  She sniffles and wipes her eyes as she takes a shuddering breath. “Because there are so many people out there suffering, why should I be happy?” 

  It breaks your heart to hear her say it but you know exactly how she feels. She’s been your rock, doing her best to take over where your sister left off…but who was there for her? 

  “I’m gonna steal this from Joel so don’t give me the credit. You shouldn’t deny yourself happiness because others are suffering. You never know how long it’s going to last.” She smiles at you through her tears as you lean in and hug her. You can see Frankie over her shoulder waiting on you by the bar as the others continue their conversation with the mystery men. 

  “Joel may have told you that but he would have never said that before meeting you.” She kisses you softly on the cheek and hips down from the stage. 

  “Go home Shine, your man is waiting.” She gestures behind her and you bite your lip knowing how riled up you made him earlier and this stunt surely didn’t help. 

  ****

  “Just go wait by the bar Fish, I don’t want you doing anything stupid.” Frankie doesn’t want to back down but he knows Ben is right. The look in his eyes is all but pleading for him to step down and cool off. 

  He’s not much of a drinker these days but he decides to step behind the bar and pour himself some whiskey. It’s scary how it almost instantly calms his nerves as he looks up to see you and Charity talking much like he does with Santiago. 

  “So you guys are obviously military, what branch?” Will scoffs at the two men clearly outnumbered but not seeming nervous at the interaction. 

  “I should ask you two the same thing.” Will had clocked it early on. The way they carried themselves, their build and demeanor. It was easy to spot one of your own. 

  “Why are they still here?” Ben joins the conversation as he sizes them up. 

  “No harm intended boys. We see the way she is with all of you, we just assumed it was an open establishment.” Santiago is very grateful for Frankie’s proximity or else he knows there would be no holding him back after that comment. 

  “There’s a brothel down the street if that’s what you’re looking for.” Santi leans into the one who dared touch you. “If we see you here again with your hands on anyone, you’ll lose those hands.” 

  Santi may not have caught it but Will does. They said they ‘see you’ and that can’t be just from one night. They’ve been in here before and no one noticed them. It seems Joel was not paranoid in his suspicions that things are changing around here and not for the better. 

  The two men stand trying to size them up but there’s no use in looking intimidating around Ben who towers over everyone he’s near. They exit the bar with no more fuss as Will makes a note to remember their exact description…height,weight, age, hair color.

  “Go home Fish, we’ll lock up.” He looks over at you as you embrace Charity, planting a kiss on her cheek. The energy of the night thrumming in his veins is an unfamiliar one. 

  ****

  “What the hell were you thinking back there? Were you going to hit him?” Frankie is fuming as you walk the streets home. The brisk cold wind does nothing to quell the heat rising under the surface. 

  “I was thinking I can handle myself.” He laughs and you pick up your speed just a little so you’re not walking directly next to him. 

  “It didn’t look handled to me Luna.” You know he was just concerned but you don’t particularly like this side of him.  

  “I handled a lot of things before you got here.” You know that moment when you say something you shouldn’t say but you can’t stop yourself. That was one of those moments. 

  “If you handled them so well there wouldn’t be a need for us.” Frankie can’t stop the words as they tumble out of his stupid mouth. You stop and turn to face him with tears in your eyes, unsure of your next move. 

  “Je ne suis pas impuissant.” 

  “No hablo francés.” He says in a frustrating tone. 

  You turn and start running in the other direction as he starts to chase after you cursing his bad knees and back. 

  “Well maybe you should learn.” You call out over your shoulder as you let the cold air dry the tears streaming down your face. 

  ****

  Joel takes the stairs two at a time eager to see the both of you. He’s been working long hours trying to secure rations for the families that can’t provide during the harsh winters. Without Tommy he can’t count on reliable people to head outside the wall and he wouldn’t think of sending the boys after all they’ve been through. 

It’s quiet in the living room when he enters and he thinks he may be too late to catch you awake. He sits on the couch to unlace his boots when he hears a soft whimper from the bedroom.

You don’t hear Joel walk in, too preoccupied with your third or maybe fourth time being brought to the edge by Frankie’s skilled tongue. Your forehead is covered in sweat and your body feels on fire as you whine and moan, begging for release. 

You hear a creak in the floorboard as Joel clocks his tongue. He’s leaning in the doorway with a look in his eyes that sends a shiver down your spine. 

“What did I tell you about starting without me Francisco?” Joel’s tone is all teasing as Frankie raises his head and even in your delirious state you can’t help but laugh at his chin coated in your slick. 

“You’re a brat.” He says under his breath. 

You scoot back against the headboard as he rolls over to face Joel who’s patiently waiting for an answer. Frankie wipes his face with the palm of his hand and clears his throat. 

“You said that if I started without you, I better make her come.” 

“Looks to me like you were playin’ with her.”

Frankie looks over at you seemingly pleased with yourself, Joel has been steadily undressing as he surveys the situation. He’s stripped down to his boxers as he walks toward the bed. 

There was something about the three of you together. Of course you had your moments alone and they had theirs but when you all came together they found new ways to make you feel like the earth stopped moving. 

“Lay back Francisco.” Frankie lays his head on the pillow as Joel sits down on the bed next to him. 

With all the teasing he’s been doing to you, it hasn’t occurred to you he was torturing himself. You can see he’s rock hard, the angry red tip leaking precum as it twitches against his abdomen. 

Joel runs his hand along Frankie’s thigh slowly traveling up and past where he wants him the most. Fingers tracing along his happy trail and up across his chest as his breathing picks up. 

You’re draped along Frankie’s other side as you massage his arm. He’s trying to focus on one thing but both of your feather light touches have him already on the edge. 

The tables have turned and it’s so sweet to watch. 

“How many times Shine?” You hum to yourself as you tap your chin with your finger. Should you be generous or make him pay? You opt for somewhere in the middle to hopefully save you in the future. 

You hold up three fingers in front of Frankie’s face and he looks as though he’s relieved and terrified all at once. 

Joel’s hand grips the base of him before Frankie  can register what’s happening. He works his hand up and down his length as he fights the urge to come on the spot. His teasing of you is coming back to bite him ten fold as your warm breath ghosts across his neck and Joel’s hand works his cock. 

“What’s got the two of you all worked up?” Fuck is he supposed to be able to answer questions? 

Joel doesn’t play fair. He knows exactly what to do to get him on the edge. He alternates between hard and soft strokes, your sweet voice in his ear and your hands on his chest. He bucks his hips and Joel releases him as an inaudible whine leaves his mouth. One

“I asked you a question.” Frankie can’t think let alone remember the question. 

“He was being an asshole.” Oh he remembers now. 

“She was being a brat.” Joel chuckles as he grips him again, no doubt a warning as Frankie hisses through his teeth. 

“I don’t doubt it…on both accounts.” 

Frankie’s overwhelmed in a way he’s never felt  as you cradle his balls in your hand and Joel resumes his movements a little harder this time. He drags his thumb across the tip gathering the precum along his cock as he works him up again. “Please…”

“Relax baby.” His own words echoed into his ear… by you as you revel in this switch in power. He thinks if he’s quiet he can prolong the torture and come ‘accidentally’ but Joel’s no fool. 

He knows that look of concentration as Frankie  tries to focus on the high. His breathing is labored and he’s on the precipice of his climax when Joel stops. Two “Joel, fuck please.” Frankie’s never been edged quite like this and he suddenly has a modicum of sympathy for anyone who's been through this. 

Your eyes meet Joel’s for a moment as you both realize how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other. He leans in to kiss you soft and sweet as you reach over and card your hands through his soft curls. Your moans and whimpers are his life breath as his tongue moves in tune with yours. 

He’s all but forgotten what state he found you both in when he arrived. Frankie had edged you for god knows how long and you have waited patiently for his punishment only staving off your own release. 

Joel has a moment of clarity as he breaks the kiss and moves you like you weigh nothing to straddle Frankie’s hips. You both know where this is going but you couldn’t stop it if you tried. Joel’s hands are on your hips lining you up with Frankie’s cock and he gently kneads your breasts with his palms. 

It feels like an eternity as you wait for Joel’s  instruction but he’s simply catching his breath behind you. Frankie places his hands on top of Joel’s as they slowly sink you down on top of him. You gasp when you try to adjust to how thick he is. 

It’s always like the first time with him as you slowly roll your hips…but it’s not you moving as you feel your body being pushed and pulled with the strength of two men. You brace your hands on Frankie’s chest as he bounces you up and down. 

Frankie pulls you down like a man starved as Joel spreads you open from behind. As many positions as you’ve been in with them, this has you feeling the most exposed. Your brain doesn’t have time to register feeling vulnerable as Joel and Frankie work you open. 

You're both so close, you can feel it in the way Frankie tenses beneath you as you move your hands lower on his stomach. He curses under his breath as your pussy clenches him so tight. He’s never felt this deep and you can feel the coil tighten just before it snaps. 

Joel’s hands still your body and you see Frankie take a shuddering breath as he holds off his climax, nor daring to break the rules. Three.

“Joel please…I’m so close.”

“Apologize. Both of you.” Of course this is where it leads to. Both of you too stubborn to do it on your own. 

The words are caught in your throat as Joel leans in kisses down your jaw and your neck urging you on. He places his palm on your back as he lowers you down. Frankie’s grip is still so tight on your hips as you lay flat on his chest. 

“Francisco I’m sorry.” Your voice barely above a whisper in his ear. Your lips say more as you kiss him fervently, sorry painted deep in the way you moan and move your hips. 

“Fuck… I’m sorry, Shine.” He’s moving again and you can feel it in the way he holds you tight to his chest as he thrusts into you. You can’t speak anymore let alone move as your climax crashes over you. A deep guttural groan emits from him in your ear as he spills himself deep inside. 

“I’m so sorry..” You want him to know that you mean it. 

“Don’t apologize hermosa.” Frankie knows now, he’s always known that he loves you. He can’t say it now but he will soon. 

It’s quiet for a moment as he rolls you over, Joel on the other side of him just watching the two of you fight sleep. Frankie wants to say it now but Jole clears his throat to speak. 

“I need to go outside the wall.” 

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Joel wakes before the both of you, watching you sleep as Frankie has you wrapped up so tight. His face buried in your hair taking you all in even when he’s not conscious. 

There’s a faint smile on his lips and Joel wonders what he could be dreaming about. It’s a comforting sight compared to the nightmares that used to plague him. 

Something stirs deep within,a feeling he can’t quite put his finger on but he knows he shouldn’t chase it too far down a dark path. You were both here,right in front of him -safe. He had nothing to worry about and yet it felt like if he didn’t do something to protect you it would all come crashing down. 

He fights those feelings threatening to eat away at the calm sounds of your sleepy humms and Frankie’s light snores. 

It’s too tempting to want to wake both of you, he’s desperate these days now that he’s had you both,the intensity of your love only heightened now by Frankie’s presence. The thin sheet is draped lightly over your soft form, Frankie’s arm covering the parts of you that are exposed. 

He mouths at your shoulder planting light kisses along your arm, his hands wander beneath the sheet caressing your soft stomach. Your body chases his even in sleep as you roll your hips back into his. You whimper at the feel of his hardened length pressing into the swell of your ass. 

It would be so easy to slip in, you’re always so wet and ready for him first thing in the morning. You never resisted him, it was a craving to watch you wake up to the feel of him buried deep inside you, your soft moans and whimpers of his name as your first waking thought is you coming hard on his cock as he whispers sweet good mornings in your ear.

The image is so clear in his mind he almost doesn’t feel Frankies large calloused hand brush against him. Frankie grips your ass in his sleep pulling you towards him as he mumbles something incoherent. The man is greedy. He can’t blame him though. 

He lets out a tuft of air as he stares up to the ceiling. It’s all so funny now knowing how worried you were just a few weeks ago about your advances not being reciprocated,and yet here he finds himself fighting with a sleeping giant for another moment with you. You did manage to get your hooks in him after all. 

Like most mornings now, he can’t seem to leave the comfort of you in this bed so he slinks down further into the covers and further into the depths of whatever this is forming between the three of you. 

****

You’ll never get used to the feeling of waking up with two large bodies caging you in. Frankie nestled in the crook of your neck with his arm draped across you instinctively pulling Joel flush against your back. 

Joel’s head resting on the pillow above you as his left hand rests comfortably in the valley of your breast. You stir a little and you can hear Joel’s grunts of protest at breaking the morning haze. Although it does seem like Joel sleeps in later and later these days. 

Instinctively you can tell when he’s actually awake, his hands dig in deeper as his chest rises and fall a little faster than before. That feeling of being watched by him is something you’ve grown to now very well. He often tried not to take his eyes off you for too long when you were near, as if he thought you might evaporate into thin air. 

You can hear his thoughts churning behind you as you try to play sleep, just to hold onto this moment a little longer. He tries to quietly clear the sleep from his throat, no longer able to keep his racing thoughts at bay. 

“Cains been making his way towards us.” He speaks into your hair slightly muffled. 

You don’t say anything but you know what that means. He always gets nervous and possessive at any mention of him. A knot forming in your chest because you know trouble always followed that man. 

You rub his arm as he plants a soft kiss to your shoulder before sliding out of bed. You miss his warm presence behind you as Frankie unconsciously pulls you further into him. 

“Who’s Cain?” His sleepy voice registers barely above a whisper. He stirs slightly as you trace lines down his back leaving goosebumps in your wake.

“Go back to sleep Frankie.” He begins muttering something about you ‘humming in your sleep’ and then you can hear his soft snores and the steady rise and fall of his chest as sleep begins to claim him again. 

Your mind drifting to thoughts of your first meeting with the man they call Cain. 

****

It was a crisp autumn day, the weeks you’ve spent getting to know Joel and Charity working at the bar had been some of the happiest days in recent memory. She was so thrilled to teach you and also have someone to confide in for the first time in a very long time. 

She reminded you so much of your sister it pained you to think about. Joel did his best trying to find out what happened to her when you got separated even though you both knew. You sensed there was some other form of determination behind helping you but you didn’t want to pry. 

The grief bonded you to him while he mourned the loss of Tommy, even though you never met him you knew what an impact he must have had on Joel. He often referred to him as the level headed one, that peeked your interest because Joel was nothing(to you) if not level headed. 

That day at the bar had started off like any other. It was getting busier since word got out that you could make a ‘pretty decent drink’ in Joel’s words. A few familiar faces had made their way in and a few unfamiliar ones. Joel trusted the two of you to run things when he had business to tend to around town. 

Charity has been keeping busy, you could sense her nervous energy as she stole glances at a man sitting at the end of the bar. He was handsome and older. Not much older than Joel. He was polite and seemed to enjoy your drinks, seeing as this was his second round. 

“Sweetheart I’ll have another.” He gestures to you with a wave of his fingers and a devilish grin on his face. 

This man definitely knew what he was doing, you wondered what brought him in here or why he was constantly glancing around almost studying the place. He ordered a whiskey neat and insisted on the good stuff, you raised your brows at him but he silenced you with a simple look of ‘Im good for it’. 

As you slid the drink to him he caught your hand in his, he rubs his calloused thumb across your fingers before placing a kiss to them. Bold moves from a stranger but there’s something about him that doesn’t have you shy away. From across the room Charity is frozen to the spot,seemingly forgetting whatever task she wanted to accomplish and you’re none the wiser as this handsome gentleman has some magic hold on you. 

“You’re new here.” He states matter of fact as though he’s got you all figured out from one glance. 

“Yes, I’ve been here a few weeks.” You hate how shy you suddenly sound under this spell he’s got you in. 

“Names Cain, it’s a pleasure to meet you?” You give him your name and he repeats it back to you in his low sultry tone. “Pretty name for a pretty face.” 

You try to disguise the smile as you duck your head in embarrassment. Joel had noticed your discomfort at flattery and had since made it his mission to tell you how beautiful you were everyday. It wasn’t something you often came across as you fought for your life on a day to day basis for so long. Men mostly assumed they could take what they wanted and there certainly were no compliments involved if you ever found yourself in that situation. 

“Well I’ll be damned, the lady has a beautiful smile as well.”  There was no hiding the flustered state he had you in at his forwardness and it was safe to assume you were in way over your head with him. 

“Speaking of new, I can’t say I’ve seen you in here before.” You took a step back from the bar hoping to break yourself free from whatever was happening between the two of you. 

He scrubs his stubble on his jaw as he chuckles under his breath. “Sweetheart this isn’t my first time here.”  The front door swings open and your heart skips a beat. Joel’s broad frame casting a shadow on the floor as he blocks the remaining evening sun. You meet his eyes with a soft smile but he’s staring daggers at the charming,handsome man that has captivated your time for who knows how long. The other patrons long forgotten as he so easily sucked you into his web. 

Joel stalks over to the bar with determination, his eyes nearly black with rage as he pulls up a seat next to Cain. You glance around the bar unsure of when Charity disappeared but you’re suddenly feeling like you’ve made some grave mistake in even entertaining this man. 

“What the fuck are you doin’ in my bar?” 

“It’s nice to see you too Joel.” Cain sloshes around the remaining amber liquid in his glass before taking it all down. “This drink is pretty nice too.”

“I asked you a question.” He smirks at Joel no doubt taking every opportunity to get under his skin and it’s definitely working. 

“It seems you steal all the pretty girls to work at your bar.” As Joel leans in closer to him all you can hear is the pounding of your heart in your ears. A few people sensing the tension have left their ration cards on the bar. You want to move your feet and get as far away from this conversation as you can but you’re planted to the spot. 

“What do you want Cain!” Joel’s booming voice echoed through the now empty bar as both men stand face to face. 

“Just wanted to check up on my old business partner,but I can see you’re still bent out of shape about Tommy so I better go.” A mixture of pain and anger washes over Joel’s face as Cain brushes past him to exit. 

“Thanks for the drink sweetheart,come visit my bar when you get sick of this old man.” The sinister look he gives him sends chills down your spine as he swings open the heavy wooden door stepping out into the night light. 

Joel rounds the bar quickly pulling you into his broad frame, his grip is almost painful as he tries to calm his breathing. You know whatever he’s going through words won’t fix but you tell him it’s okay anyways as you rub your hands along his back steadily trying to ground him. He’s like a wounded animal the way he looks at you with red tear stained eyes. You don’t know what Cain did to him but it’s a look you never want to see on Joel’s face again. 

“Did he touch you? Or say anything to you?” He’s looking you over as you bite your bottom lip wondering how much you should tell him. Yes this strange man was flirting with me and I wasn’t doing much to stop him, that response probably wouldn’t go over well and it seems he’s frustrated with how long it’s taking you to respond. 

“Don’t lie to me.” 

“He asked me for my name and he kissed my hand, he didn’t tell me anything else I swear.” You’re trembling now, unable to look into his eyes,afraid to see any disappointment in them. 

“She’s telling the truth Joel.” Charity appears behind him, her face stained with fresh tears as she looks up at him like she’s done something wrong. “I’m sorry I left her alone I just couldn’t…”

“Don’t apologize, hon' it’s alright.” Joel has softened slightly at the site of her in distress. You shouldn’t be annoyed with the situation but so much has gone unsaid and you’re feeling so left out. Joel turns to you then finally calmed down and worry written all over his face because of course you have no idea what’s going on. 

“Shine…he can’t be trusted, I can’t tell you everything now but just promise me you’ll never get close to him. If you see him out there or in here just know he’s evil and so are his intentions.” 

All you can manage is a nod as grabs Charity's hand and pulls you both into his arms. 

“You’re mine okay…and I won’t let anything happen to you…I can’t let anything happen to anyone else.”

*****

It started out like such a beautiful day, the sky was clear and the weather uncharacteristically warm. These days always make you nervous, much like the day of the outbreak. That was a beautiful day too. Beneath this idyllic facade a storm was brewing. You could feel it in your bones from the moment Joel mentioned his name. 

You did your best to smile through it as you worked but Frankie knew something was off. It’s almost as if everyone was on edge. The bar felt heavy with invisible ominous clouds as you all mostly worked without speaking to each other. 

Joel never left his office. 

The peaceful morning was crushed by his thoughts.It was one of those moments where fear worked its way into your bones until it was all you could think about.Frankie could see the tension in your body, an all too familiar feeling for him and the others. 

Some part of him still hadn’t made that last step, to put the final piece of his new life together. All he had to do was say those words, but until he did it seemed he didn’t feel worthy enough to comfort you in public. He wanted to let everyone know that you and Joel were his but something kept holding him back. He wants to shut off that nagging part of his brain that tells him he doesn’t deserve love. Maybe he should start taking his own advice and believe things that he tells Joel late at night when the lights are out and the only thing shining through is the moon. 

Winding down for the night usually brought some form of excitement for him because he knew he was that much closer to being ‘home’. Tonight most certainly felt different. 

With the last patron long gone he can see you and Charity leaning into the bar having a hushed conversation. You chance a glance back at him as your smile barely reaches your eyes. 

The door opens wide bringing the moonlight in and a man in a crisp black suit enters. 

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. 

“Sir we’re closed for the night.” Benny politely offers as the man walks past him without a second glance. 

“You should turn off the open sign.” Benny looks at you apologetically thinking he’s just let a regular customer in but your eyes tell a different story. 

Frankie can feel the shift in the room, your conversation with Charity long forgotten as you’ve both stopped talking to stare at this man. He flashes Frankie a wide tooth smile that has his stomach churning. 

He sits on the stool next to Charity and pulls her seat closer, the noise dragging along the floor sending chills down your spine. She doesn’t move, only looks to you momentarily, a sudden desperation in her eyes. 

“I’ll have a-“

“I’m not serving drinks.” You cut him off as you lean back crossing your arms. A version of you long ago would’ve backed down to the man but he didn’t scare you anymore. 

“A bar that doesn’t serve drinks.” The sarcasm drips from his voice as he turns around to survey the room. 

“What do you want, Cain?” Your tone is stern and unwavering as you toss the bar towel you were using into the sink. 

Frankie stiffens at the name, his hair on the back of his neck stands up as he notices Santi making his way over the bar, like a lion eyeing his prey. Santi and Will were all too familiar with the man in question having heard much from Joel. 

“You know I always have to pay you a visit when you cause a commotion.”

“What commotion?”

“Joel's lackeys arrived in town and it’s got people buzzing!” Gesturing around the room all the men freeze in their movements. 

(His)men were lackeys…these men were elite trained special ops soldiers. But he didn’t need to know any of that. Based on his comment he obviously knew nothing. You know he’s just sniffing you out trying to get information. 

He licks his lips as he turns his body to Charity and brushes her hair behind her ears. “You can always come back and work for me sweetheart, I’m sure you’ve missed me.”

“Kindly fuck off Cain.” She swats his hand away and stands from her seat. 

“Oohhh just as spicy as the day we met.”

Santi’s chomping at the bit but Frankie shoots him a look to back off. You’re not sure when Benny moved from the door to the opposite side of the bar but Will is slowly making his way over to potentially diffuse any situation or maybe something worse. 

Cain leans against the bar with a sickening sweet smile as he props his head on his hands. 

“The offer still stands for you too sweetheart.”

You don’t have to look to know Frankie’s inched closer to you, his presence is looming as he waits for him to make one wrong move. 

“No thanks Cain, I'm very happy here.” His maniacal laugh sends chills down your spine.

“How would you know you’re happy unless you give some other lap a try.” 

It all happens in a flash as Benny lunges for him his brother grabs at the back of his shirt, Charity manages to block Santiago but Frankie already has him face down on the bar with his hand pressed to the back of his neck. 

A loud whistle from the hallway door has everyone freeze in their movements. Joel stalks toward the bar, the only sound over your beating heart is the lumbering stomp of his boots as he comes up behind him. 

Frankie hasn’t let off his neck but the rest of the men have all backed off. Charities trying to get Santi to look in her eyes but he’s laser focused on the scene unfolding. Cain's evil laughter is only spurring him on as he’s still pinned to the bar. 

“Frankie.” Joel’s voice is soft for his lover trying to coax him to let Cain go. His eyes are black with rage and he’s way past talking. The boys know all too well when they get like this it’s hard to snap out of it.

“Francisco.” His voice is deeper now as he places a hand on his wrist gently prying it off him. 

Frankie backs away suddenly as though he’s been stung, his chest is heaving and you step in front of him rubbing your hands along his arms trying desperately to ground him. 

He finally looks at you and the pain is evident in his deep brown eyes. You lean up and kiss him on the cheek to silently convey that you’re okay. 

Cain straightens up and pulls roughly on his suit as he comes face to face with Joel. It seemed he had a permanent snicker on his face and it took everything for Joel not to slit his throat right now and have them help him hide the body. 

He didn’t want blood shed in his bar and he definitely didn’t want people asking questions. 

“So it looks like you finally learned how to share.” He tilts his chin toward you and Frankie embracing and you know if it weren’t for your deathly grip on him he would lunge for him again. 

“Unless you have business with me personally, we’re closed for the night.” 

“Remember we don’t do business personally anymore. I just wanted to stop by.” He holds his hand out for Joel to shake but he just crosses his arms across his broad chest.

“Sorry to hear your last run didn’t go so well.”

“Don’t know where you heard that.” Joel grits out through clenched teeth. 

“Pretending to be mother Theresa won’t erase all the shit you’ve done.” He laughs and pats the bar top as he slowly walks backwards. “See you soon Moonshine.” Your blood runs cold as he winks at you before exiting the bar.

Joel looks at you with that same look in his eyes he had all those years ago when you first met Cain, but now there’s another set of eyes on you with that same look. 

****

There were no more words said amongst you all as you finished up for the night. Just Joel’s hurried ‘be ready to leave in 5’ as he bounded back to his office and slammed the door shut. 

You walk home in silence…even though you walk ahead, both men are on your heels. The sight of them hand in hand loosens something deep in your chest. Neither of them have to feel alone about their past and how they may have handled things. They both told you on separate occasions how they don’t like letting their temper get the best of them. Their similarities were so eerie sometimes.

The hurried atmosphere of your walk only stirs them on when you finally enter your home. You can feel the humid air in the room as you look at both men. A possessiveness in their eyes that should have you running in the other direction. 

You know they need to forget,even momentarily about what happened tonight. The urgency to undress you,to claim you as you barely make it to the bedroom. 

It’s euphoric the way they make you feel, you don’t have to open your eyes anymore to know who’s touching you where or who’s biting and gripping you so tight they’ll leave bruises. 

They do make you open your eyes though because they ‘want to see your pretty face when you come.’ They got off on it,needing it for their own release. You’ve lost count on how many times they’ve brought you to the edge and tipped you over. 

You’re mine is growled in your ear as you’re filled from both ends. It’s space you’re suspended in as you wrap your arms around  and cling to whoever is shushing you telling you it’s okay. You’re ours 

****

It’s quiet now

Their minds are finally at rest as they watch you sleep. Frankie doesn’t know how long they’ve been laying here in silence but sooner or later one of them has to break it. 

“I’m sorry about losing my temper.”

“Don’t...don't ever apologize for protectin’ her.” He doesn’t mean it to come out as harsh as it does. 

They both look down at you to make sure you’re still asleep. You burrow into the pillow as you humm softly. You’re so angelic at peace and they wonder what they did in all their fucked up lives to deserve someone like you. 

Joel kisses him slow and deliberate, his passion always caught Frankie off guard. How this rugged man could make him feel so many things with just a kiss. 

He pulls away momentarily, the words he’s wanted to ask all night lingering in the air. “Tell me about Cain...please.” Joel shuts his eyes as he lets out a puff of air onto his lips. 

It’s brief and also painstakingly slow at the same time as he waits for him to respond. Joel leans back against the headboard with his eyes still shut. It might be easier to tell it this way, or maybe he can better see what went wrong as he replays it in his head. 

“We used to be partners…when I came here with Tommy I didn’t know shit. Cain took us under his wing so to speak. We did some horrible things to get to the top.”

Frankie knows how that feels, to do and see the most unspeakable things in the name of survival. It only starts to eat away at you when you’re no longer doing it to survive. 

“I knew he was with Charity, but when I saw the bruises…” He stops for a moment to collect his thoughts. “She just reminded me so much of Sarah it sort of made me snap.”

Frankie listens as he tells him how they were going to run both bars together, each on the opposite side of town. If they pooled their resources it would only seek to benefit them all.Cain got greedy and Joel wanted out of the business of hurting people. 

He offered Charity an out and she accepted but he couldn’t tell Tommy what to do. 

Tommy died on a run with Cain after they decided to part ways. He still doesn’t know all the details about how the clickers managed to get to him only. 

“I know he killed my brother. I just can’t prove it.” The moonlight illuminates the glossy look in his eyes with so many words unspoken. “I heard he’s running out of resources so I knew it was only a matter of time before he came lurking.” 

Here it is again the comfortable silence he often finds himself in nowadays. He doesn’t know what to say.

Frankie hates the word sorry. Hearing I’m sorry doesn’t heal the wounds...There’s other ways to convey how he feels.

He doesn’t hesitate as he leans in capturing his lips. Any dark thoughts brought to the surface are pushed to the back as Frankie conveys with his actions everything he can’t say out loud. 

Prev/Next

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

  Sorry shine, old habits die hard. 

  It’s so foreign when you awake this morning to a hard body weighing you down, you open your eyes and just faintly make out the top of his graying soft curls on your stomach. His arms outstretched across you showing off the wide expanse of his back. You languidly trace the scars you’ve grown to love, he’s told you about most of them. You never pry further for explanation of the bad ones. His time before meeting you was laced with so much pain and anguish. 

  He’d talked for weeks about how much he couldn’t wait for the extension of his Miller family to show up with their friends. Possibly a combination of them finally arriving or the fact that it seemed they would all fit seamlessly into your lives. You wondered if his offer the night before was lust filled ramblings or a real proposition why don’t you get to know Francisco. Joel was never one to beat around the bush or not say what he was truly thinking. You couldn’t hide your attraction, he knew you too well and that was your one rule. Don’t ever lie to me. It held so much weight in desperate times. 

  You do your best to slide out of bed without disturbing him, he rustles a little reaching for you even in sleep, a deep bond formed over times of survival. You find the first things you see strewn about the floor are your clothes from the previous night. His flannel is a warm contrast on your skin to the cold floor on your bare feet. You pad into the kitchen only bothering to button the middle two, leaving you slightly exposed. 

  You know it doesn’t take much effort to prepare his straight forward black coffee but something about going through the motions in the stillness of the morning is so comforting. You can see why he clings to the ritual. It’s quite possibly one of the only things about his life that didn’t change. 

  ****

  You often think about the day you came barreling into his life, you made your way to the Boston QZ after the disaster in Hartford. You and your older sister Liv had been on your own since the outbreak, doing whatever it took to survive. She taught you as much as she could with her being only 17 and you 15. You spent 8 years in Hartford until the military pulled out. She knew after that day it wouldn’t be safe for you two. 

  10 years ago

  Your feet pound against the pavement as you fight the urge to turn around and see if you’re still being chased. The echo of footsteps and shadows along brick walls at every corner. The hot burn in your lungs is hard to ignore but you know you have to push through. The thought of being caught and the unknown consequences pushing you through the pain in the soles of your feet. 

  You knew it was risky being out past curfew but you were so desperate to find your sister. It’s been days since you’ve arrived here and still no sign of her. 

  You think you may have lost them but you want to be sure as you round another corner, looking over your shoulder instead of ahead at the dead end alley. 

  Fuck

  The crunching of leather boots on concrete drawing nearer to you as your heart hammers in your ears. You’re searching the surroundings for anything, a weapon, a fire escape, anything to help get you out of your current predicament. It’s wall to wall brick on either side and a bunch of wooden crates. You see a dumpster further down the alley and crouch behind it, discarding your hoodie and glasses. 

  A door in front of you flings open and a box of empty bottles is tossed on the ground causing you to yelp in surprise. You’re  met with the sight of an older man, broad shoulders and a grim look that would have anyone else running in the opposite direction. He stands in the light of the doorway taking in your appearance as you still try and catch your breath. 

  He’s looking you over, deciding your fate which he knows he has mere me seconds before whoever is chasing you is coming around that corner and he has to deal with it or let them have you. You look too young to be out past curfew but too old to have parents worried about you. 

  It feels like an eternity as you wait for this man to make a move, he looks like he’s battling with himself about what to do with you. Maybe you should be scared of him but something tells you to trust him-he has kind eyes. 

  “God damn it, get inside and make it quick.” He stands out of the way as you barrel towards the door , staying crouched just in case. 

  He closes the door behind you with a thud as you stand in the unfamiliar hallway. He brushes past you not bothering to beckon you along so you decide to follow, far enough behind to give him space but close enough to not lose him. The floor is lined with red carpet and the end of the hallway on an opaque door reads office. 

  He doesn’t lead you there like you expected as he turns the corner into a dimly lit bar. The back wall is lined with liquor with a cracked mirror underneath. This place looked somehow untouched from the chaos outside, you were thrust into a time you never knew but somehow ended up in an environment you knew all too well. 

  He takes a seat at a stool facing the bar where a singular glass of amber liquid is placed on the counter. It seems you’re alone but he’s made no move to harm you or help you beyond letting you inside. 

  “Who’s chasin’ you?” He takes a sip of the drink and fails to hide the wince in his eyes.

  “I don’t know.” 

  “Don’t lie to me or I’ll let you back out there.” He still hasn’t looked at you directly but you can see him in the reflection of the cracked mirror watching you. 

  “ It might be FEDRA and it might be someone else. I heard someone yell stop and I took off running.” 

  Bang!Bang!Bang! Three heavy wraps on the front door have both your heads turning. 

  “Get behind the bar and grab a rag.” He stands from his stool as the banging persists and you don’t hesitate to take the hint. You scurry behind the bar grabbing the first rag you can find and start wiping down the counter as he opens the door. 

  Two FEDRA soldiers by the looks and uniform are at the door, one short and stumpy doesn’t look like he holds much weight, the other dark haired tall man with the way he carried himself has a little more stature you suppose. 

  “We’re closed for the night fellas.” 

  “Who’s inside?” Joel grits his teeth as he steps out of the doorframe. He recognizes the two as frequent patrons but that’s a strong word considering they don’t provide ration cards. 

  “It’s just me and my bartender closing up for the night.” You offer a smile to the men as you resume your task at hand. Behind the bar is actually filthy so you might as well make it look believable. 

  “When did you hire a bartender? It’s just been you and Charity since Tommy—.” Joel clears his throat as the other man shoots him a look. 

  “A few days ago, I figure I needed some help around here.”

  “It’s past curfew, how’s she getting home?” The shorter one runs his hand along his jaw as he licks his lips at you. 

  “I’ll worry about how she’s gettin’ home and you worry about how you’re gonna keep drinking for free if you ask me any more questions.” You thought he might be pushing his luck with the way he spoke to them but the taller soldier raised his hands in defeat while the shorter one scowled as he left, never taking his eyes off you. 

  “She better be here tomorrow Joel.” Joel —so he had a name after all, you suppose you could stop calling him mr. grumpy in your head. 

  The door closes and Joel locks it behind them, you release a breath you didn’t even realize you’d been holding. He takes his seat again at the stool and finishes his drink. He hands you the glass and points to the bottle just behind your head at the wall. 

  He expects you to falter but you grab the bottle off the shelf almost out of reach so you have to stand on your tiptoes. He takes notice of the way your gray cargo pants hug your curves, quickly averting his gaze when you turn around. You were so focused on your task you almost missed the way he looked at you.

  “I assume you have ice.”  He points to the half full bar sink filled with questionable looking ice. You’ll have to make due but seeing as he has a decent assortment of bar tools you could do your best. 

  Surprisingly he has most of the ingredients you want to make your drink, you don’t think too long and hard about the expiration dates. If they’re behind the bar then he’s serving them. 

  “You can just pour it in the glass sweetheart.” 

  “You can just be patient Joel.” He has to ignore the way his name sounds coming from your lips. “Besides…I’m the bartender.”

  He chuckles and leans back in the stool, you’ve most certainly peaked his interest as he watches you make a drink with practiced ease. 

  You taste the simple syrup before you add it to the glass, you suppose sugar and water wasn’t that hard to come by. You take stock of everything he somehow has. You add the bitters that no doubt have expired but who cares since it was bitter, the expensive whiskey on the other hand definitely had you raising an eyebrow as you did a perfect 1.5 oz pour. 

  He’s trying to hide his expression as he watches you, adding each ingredient of a cocktail he knows all too well but for some reason hasn’t attempted to make himself. You’re shaking the drink vigorously above your head and he tries to look anywhere but your chest as the movements jostle your breasts in the black tank top. 

  You double strain the drink into his glass(questionable ice), and garnish it with lemon peel, not hard to come by if you know someone that grows. 

  “You’ll have to do without the cherry, I know they’re in season but outside the wall.” He takes a mental note to get some cherries on his next run. 

  He takes the first sip and he’s a goner. It’s solace and liquid warmth. The whiskey is shocking but the sweet is soothingly familiar. The bitter is a biting reminder but the lemon is ripened and savored nesting comfortably on his tongue. 

  “Not bad.” You bite down hard on the inside of your cheek, this man just saved you for Christ sake. It’s a deep bruise to your ego but you’ll have to take it…just this once. 

  “Where did you learn to make this? You start to clean up your mess not wanting to make eye contact. Your sister always said you were stubborn until the end. “I don’t mean to offend…you seem like a girl that can handle yourself but this drink is beyond your years.”

  “My grandpa liked to drink…and he was very particular about it.” You lean back against the bar facing the cracked mirror with your arms crossed. 

  “So what you were out here makin’ drinks at 10?” 

  “Of course not…I was 12.” He makes an unamused face as he finishes his ‘not bad’ old fashioned. 

  “What had you runnin’ into me tonight?” His tone is a lot more serious than his previous question. You meet his eyes in the reflection contemplating your next words. He wouldn’t go this far to turn around and rat you out. It also seemed like he was breaking a few rules and you at least owe him an explanation. 

  “I’m trying to find my sister.” You take a deep shuddering breath. “We came here together and they separated us after we were scanned.” His eyes drop down to his empty glass and you both know what goes unsaid. 

  “I don’t remember her getting bit and she never said anything to me. No one was helping so I’ve been staying out late at night trying to find her.” Joel knows more than anyone that you can't ask too many questions during daylight hours. 

  “I’m sorry…I lost my brother a few months back-.”

  “She’s not lost!” You snap involuntarily but he doesn’t budge. 

  “I’m sorry for that…you’ve only helped me and I didn’t mean to react that way.” You hate the timid sound of your voice but you know you almost got yourself killed tonight for a lost cause. She was gone and you both knew it. 

  “No need to apologize sweetheart.” He stands from his stool as he rounds the bar, he was deliberate in his movements. A man who had no time to waste even in times of leisure. He pours  a glass of clear liquid from a mason jar and hands it to you. 

  You’re grateful for the water after your chase but your face must say otherwise. 

  “It’s fresh I promise.” 

  “No it’s not that…I was just hoping for something a little stronger.” He gestures to the wall you’ve all but memorized. 

  “Help yourself.” 

  “I was hoping you had something stronger than…that.” He knows you’re trying to get a rise out of him after the slight at your drink. 

  He turns around and bends over, your breath hitching in your throat at the sight of his tight jeans and gray flannel riding up just enough to expose his lower back- (briefs man…interesting). He flicks at a tile on the floor exposing a dark hole that he reaches down into pulling out a clear bottle marked with three x’s. 

  “This is the strongest I got, but I’m afraid I can’t carry you upstairs so you can have just one.” You take the bottle from him and grab two shot glasses from behind the bar pouring you each one. 

  “Joel…no offense but I can drink you under the table.” His raucous laughter is almost startling. You didn’t think he was capable of it and it takes you by surprise. 

  “Okay…let’s make it a bet. If you win I’ll let you stay here for a little while.” He raises the glass to you awaiting your response.

  “And if I lose?” He clinks your glass and takes his shot exhaling pure liquid vapor in your face. 

  “I’ll let you stay here…for a little while.” You down the clear liquid without so much as flinching but you can feel the burn all the way down your chest until it settles deep in your gut. You’re a goner. 

  ****

1 hour later 

  You’ve both filled each other in as much as the liquor will allow on how you ended up in Boston. He was from Texas and you were from New York. You each left out some details in the middle, maybe a little too heavy for the first meeting. One thing you knew was you weren’t strangers to loss.

  “Sweetheart I’m skunk-drunk, I think you may have won this round.” You’re a ball of giggles because you know you’ve already won. Somehow this cowboy in shining flannel provided you with a bright light in a bleak world. 

  “So…how am I getting home?” You recalled what he said to the soldiers and you weren’t sure if he was still covering for you.

   He stills for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. You were something special that was worth preserving and you’ve both had far too much alcohol for him not to feel guilty. 

  “I’ve got a vacant apartment upstairs where I keep most of the booze. You can stay there if you promise not to drink it all.” He winks at you and suddenly you’re weak in the knees. You’ve never really had the chance to feel this way about anyone. 

  “Please lead the way before you have to carry me up these stairs.” Your tired sore feet follow him up the stairwell as you become acutely aware of how long this day has been. For days in the place you were assigned to stay you’ve been staying awake, not fully trusting your surroundings. 

  He stops at apartment 15 and unlocks the door, he holds it open waiting for you to enter first. There isn’t much space in the living room as it’s filled with crates. The rest of the space however is clean, the floors hardwood and the singular window against the brick outer wall casting the shadows in the moonlight. 

  “The hot water works and there’s extra sheets and towels in the closet.” He suddenly sounds as timid as you did earlier. 

  “Thank you…for everything.” He hesitates a moment in the doorway, his eyes saying a million things all at once. 

  “You’re welcome.” He closes the door softly, finally leaving you alone to unwind. You had hoped you didn’t imagine the pull you felt towards each other but he’s already gone above and beyond. It would be selfish to think any more of the situation. 

  ****

  The shower sputters to life as you impatiently wait for it to reach an acceptable temperature. As you step in letting the flowing water cascade over you, washing the day away. You keep your head back for several minutes entranced in the way the hot water permeates your scalp. 

  The steam is steadily building and you think between the drinks and the hot water it’s best you step out before Joel finds you passed out in his vacant apartment filled with booze. 

  You see your dirty clothes strewn about the bathroom, the only clothes you have at the moment and grimace at the thought of putting them back on.You decide you’ll deal with that tomorrow. Dawning only a towel you make your way into the bedroom, having a seat at the foot with the freshly changed sheets. 

  A faint knock on the front door has you jump a little. You walk on tiptoes towards the door, holding your towel tight to your body as you look through the peephole. Joel. He’s staring down at the floor sheepishly, shifting from foot to foot. You open the door and see him standing with some items balled up in his left hand. 

  “I…” He swallows hard, taking in the sight of you in your towel, tiny water droplets on your skin glistening in the moonlight and you looking up at him expectantly. “I wanted to bring you some clean clothes.” 

  He holds out the flannel and sweats for you as you take them from his hand. “Is that all you wanted?” 

  The moment feels like an eternity, you both holding onto the clothes neither one of you letting go, he slowly tugs you toward him as you press against his chest. Only the towel separating you as he takes his free hand and cups it around your neck pulling you into a desperate kiss. He tilts his head leaning into the kiss as his chapped lips engulfed yours, stealing every breath and moan from you. He finally pulls away as he rests his forehead against yours. 

  “Please tell me you’re still holding that towel.” He’s half panting as you laugh and place a kiss to the hollow of his neck. 

  “I am. If you want me to be?” He groans internally at the thought of him looking down to see your naked body pressed against his. 

  “Next time…when we haven’t had so much to drink, maybe you won’t be.” He steps back from you releasing his grip on you and the clothes. 

  “Goodnight Joel.”

  He closes the door behind him leaning against it.

Goodnight Moonshine 

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