#tiredofit

Liek no I don't want to know why I should do it, I want to naturally develop an interest in it.

#masks #mask #tiredofit https://www.instagram.com/p/CEuIMsrAHcV/?igshid=4evb5guajdka

Today my fiancé and I are supposed to drive an hour and a half to wave out a car window at his sister for her birthday.   This morning his mom and his sister were literally 30 minutes from our house, but didn't bother to call.  Which is like pretty typical that when they are close by they don't call or try to see us, but every time we are close to them we ALWAYS stop by. My fiancé and I are NOT driving an hour and a half to wave out a car window when we could have driven 30 minutes to have a social distanced lunch with them.   And when his mom, or his brother call later to complain that we didn’t come to the drive by, I hope he fucking rips their throats out.  I hope he tells them that on his OWN BIRTHDAY TWO YEARS IN A ROW NOW we have had to meet them HALF WAY BECAUSE WE ARE TOO FAR AWAY FOR THEM.  I hope that he tells them that they should have called when they were close by.  I hope he tells them how fucking shitty they treat him.  How shitty they treat US.   But, his mom is always the victim.  She could run someone over with her car and act like she was the victim.  Same with his brother.  His YOUNGER brother who thinks because he is the ‘cool brother’ he should sit at the head of the table.  On my fiancés birthday.  But that is another story.  So, even if he does tell them the truth, it won't matter.  We will be the bad guys.  We will always be the bad guys and I am TIRED of it.  

October in Louisiana. #autumn #fall #heat #tiredofit #ugh https://www.instagram.com/p/B3K8JkvJC0u/?igshid=1qrjob8br0xer

Where do I even start? I created this account as a place to un-suffocate myself. Is that even a word? I am a middle-age woman and I feel a constant pressure to conform, to not stand out, to not express my opinions when they differ from those around me. Over the past couple of years as our country has become so politically divided I’ve found myself shutting my mouth even more. My social media feeds are so full of hateful words and exaggerated stereotyping. The longer I keep quiet, the more I feel I am losing who I think I am. That is not what I want for my life. That is not what I want to leave behind for my children. I hope I can breathe freely here and find my voice again. I hope I can be authentic because I don’t think I have been for a long time. Anxiety has been my constant guide, telling me I have nothing worth saying or sharing. It scares me that someday I will die without anyone really knowing me. It is past time to try something new.