#tinymusings

i need to save myself by shrouding myself in delusion again. i am the author of my own life. as much as life is absurd and meaningless and we are subjected to it's abrasive wrath constantly, we also have to create our own comforting narratives that exist in contradiction to the uncaring void of chaos.

we construct ourselves. we create identities for ourselves and missions to carry out, journeys to go on, stories to tell ourselves about who we are and what we're trying to accomplish. as much as these are fabrications, they're also necessary to keep us going.

we make them real and we need them, but they're only real relative to our own existence. becoming too attached to them is as dangerous as living without them.

ive forgotten this capability that i have to rewrite and define myself, and how badly i need it. i need to rediscover my power to decide for myself who i will be, what i will do, what i will give power to.