Following the post, I reposted on Transmasc people and trans men being erased inside our communities. A lot of people seem to not understand a lot of us still live with traumas from when we were still a woman. I may look like this now
But I still feel like the tiny 45kg woman I once was. I still have the fear of men when I walk even tho I myself am masc presenting. No amount of hormones can take away the trauma of being sexually assaulted at 8 years old. It can't undo the two decades worth of being raised as a girl, a woman just because when I started testosterone I changed so quickly.
This was me at 17 to 19
Some days, I'm back being this in my own head. I love who I once was, and I will never be ashamed of her. She is a part of me, who I was for 20 years. But my body was also actively failing me.
Transitioning not only helped me mentally but physically stopped my muscle decay and getting hospitalised it actually is my treatment for my graves disease outside of gender affirmating care. I went from 45Kg to nearly 90Kg in only a 3 months before finally evening out. But some days, I'm still that terrified girl.
I lived through girlhood and womanhood.
I lived through being sexually Abused as an 8 year old girl
I lived through horrifying painful periods from the age of 12
I graduated from school as a young woman.
I spent 2 years in limbo after my mother passed because I was taken off testosterone, and my body declined horrifically. The photos up top are only from December till now I have only been back on Testosterone since August.
Yes, I present as a man now, but I was still raised as a girl by an amazing woman who told me not to hide who I was. And I will never hide my photos because that girl and that young woman went through hell for me to be the man I am today.
And I refuse to be ashamed to talk about my past as a woman.
