At the same time as I've been doing a very private celebration of Sukkot in my own quirky way, here, on this blog, I've taken a break from pretending to be some sort of paragon of religious virtue to be just human.

Growing up, religion was a big part of life. At least whenever mom had control. Dad didn't have much interest in it and was gone quite a bit. As a teen and young adult, I had enough of all the "Thou shalt nots" and I wanted to have fun like everyone else. So I did. Just as soon as I got the opportunity. No more missing out on Friday night dances, parties at friends' houses, and making out with guys.

Life's been a wild ride. Wild enough, anyway. Too wild for my kids, though not near as wild as some other people. But it's had it's consequences, nevertheless. I won't go there right now. Not hiding anything just saving some for another time.

I guess now all I'm saying is I'm too old to pretend. What's the point? Everything comes out in the open eventually anyway, right? So what's the point in putting on some kind of pristine front? I'm not pristine. I never was and never will be. Who has ever been helped by someone pure as the driven snow, anyway? Really.

Maybe I'll go back to being Miss Goody Goody tomorrow. Right now, I just want to be raw and real. I want to be a fat old lady wearing print leggings under a T-shirt dress with a bandana on her head, who uses too much creamer in her coffee, cusses out the jars she can't open and laughs too loud at her own jokes.