✿ five times my muse almost texted yours, and the one time they did.
5+1 memes!
ONE. she has a phone. martha has died, and their kid is eight years old already jesus christ, and she has a phone. john — okay, john might be a little in shock. all the guilt of abandoning martha is rushing back to him — but honestly, he hadn’t seen any other option, they were only seniors in high school when they’d dated ( so young ) and he was in college by the time she’d had the kid, he thought she’d given it up for adoption. they’d lost contact after that. but no, according to martha’s parents john laurens has a daughter, and her name is frances-eleanor, and she’s eight years old, and her mother is dead, and she has a phone. john pulls out his own phone, stares at it; texting her out of the blue would cause more harm than good at this point, he decides. he puts the phone down.
TWO. he saves her number, just in case — frances, plain and simple in his phone, none of the emojis or nicknames he has in every other contact. and here’s a little fact about john laurens: when he’s drunk, his reading comprehension goes to shit, and frances in his phone is right next to francis kinloch. it’s a miracle he catches the wrong number before he sends the text — it’s a pretty simple, friendly, typo-ridden message, and there’s no way she’d know who it was from anyways, but he turns his phone off after deleting the almost-message.
THREE. it feels like he’s dying, the guilt is killing him so much. he didn’t even go to martha’s funeral, for god’s sake — as far as he knows, frances has been living with martha’s parents this whole time. it’s a friday night and he’s exhausted from a late shift at the hospital when he almost texts frances’ grandparents, just to ask how she is. he backspaces the whole thing.
FOUR. her birthday is in january, martha’s parents tell him ( they’re the type of grandparents who send personalized christmas cards to everyone they’ve ever known; apparently that includes the man who got their daughter pregnant and abandoned her. martha had never held a grudge in her life, but john feels guilty enough for both of them. ) it’s late january and he’s holding his phone in his hand, grip tight, wondering whether to send frances a birthday text — and then alexander texts him, and he gets distracted, and then it’s midnight and her birthday is over. maybe next year.
FIVE. vacation time is hard to find when you work in the emergency unit of a hospital, but he uses all his sick days to visit south carolina in march. martha has been dead for nearly a year, and even though he didn’t speak to her for almost a decade, he feels awful — he misses their easy friendship, much as he may not miss their awkward high school attempt at romance. she’d been his best friend. what happened. he leaves a rose at her grave before he goes back to his hotel, set to depart back to new york the next morning. a thought passes through his mind — he wonders if martha’s parents still live in south carolina, if his daughter is nearby. he could text her, or mr. and mrs. manning, to ask. he doesn’t.
+ONE. it’s been a year and a half since he found out he has a daughter, and he’s ashamed that it’s taken him this long to contact her. he was afraid. he’s done with being afraid.
[ text to: frances ] i know this is out of the blue and you probably hate me, and you’re completely justified in that, but my name is john laurens and i’m your dad, and i honestly didn’t know that martha had a child until last year, and i’m so sorry i wasn’t there for you, and being given a chance is FAR more than i deserve at this point, but i’d like to try. i'm sorry, you deserve better. you don’t have to reply to this if you don’t want to.
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“You said you’d always be there for me…so how did this happen? Why weren’t you there?”
all he can do is stare at her — until the moment he realizes that
she looks just like martha but she has his eyes, and then he yanks
his gaze away, turning his eyes towards the ground. he has no
valid excuse, he knows — the war ended long enough ago that
she’s turned into a young woman, not the little girl he’d abandoned.
GUILT washes over him like a tide threatening to pull him out to
sea; at this point, he’d welcome the drowning just to escape the
weight of his daughter’s gaze.
❝ i— i’m sorry, frances, ❞ he chokes out. ❝ there was the
war — and i never knew martha had died — i’m so sorry. ❞
( when martha fell pregnant, john had sworn to himself that he’d
be a better father to their child than his own father had been for
him. he’d never thought he could be worse. )
Peggy had been told a great many things by her older sisters, gossip and stories all throughout her life. So when Eliza had mentioned that a young girl had turned up at the Hamilton household, claiming to be kin of John Laurens, the youngest Schuyler couldn’t help but become intrigued.
It was Alexander’s birthday celebration that brought together many friends and family members, all dancing and singing and laughing until they could no more. Peggy, however, had been told that Laurens’ estranged daughter would be here, under Eliza’s invitation.
She was immediately recognisable, standing at the edge of the room.
