!!!!!!!SDROW EZIW

(?em wollofnu yllatnedicca uoy did)

He stands awkwardly in the doorway staring at me.

“Hey, Maddie.” He says quietly.

“Hi, Alex.”

“I know we’re not really close but I thought maybe you could use someone.”

“Yeah we’re not, but I’m not really in the mood to deal with other people anymore.”

“Sorry. Jaime suggested that I come to talk to you.”

“About what?” “Getting help.”

“I don’t need help. You barley know me Alex.”

“I know a lot more than you think. Vic, Mike, Jamie, and Tony talk about you all the time.”

“So you’re filled in with what’s happening currently?” “Yeah.”

I tap the sofa with my hand to signal him to sit down.

He closes the door and shuffles over to the couch.

“So. What are they trying to get you to tell me?”

“Actually, Jaime is wanting to try to force you to go back to therapy and get help.”

“I know that.”

“But are you wanting to do that?” I stare at the ground in front of me and take a shaky breath.

“Maddie? Do you?”

I feel myself becoming choked up.

My bottom lip shakes and I look to Alex’s face.

I try to say no, but tears just fall in the place of the word.

I take a breath in again and attempt to control myself, except the tears still fall.

“No, Alex. I do not want to go to therapy. It doesn’t help me. I feel judged and not heard there. The only ones who hear me are the ones here with me, but even then they aren’t listening to me. I don’t need help. I just need someone there for me.”

“I completely understand.”

“I hate it, Alex.” My voice croaks out.

“So do I. I’ve never seen the point of it. I’ve feel judged by someone I don’t even know.”

“Why did you have to go?” “My brother killed himself.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.”

“Don’t be. You couldn’t have prevented it. But anyways when he died everyone was afraid I wasn’t coping with it like I should so they sent me to therapy. I hate therapy. I didn’t even want to go. They forced me to go. I didn’t need to talk about my problems. All I wanted…” His voice cracks and tears begin flowing from his eyes. “I just wanted a hug. But not one person would listen to me when I said that.”

I fling myself forward and wrap my arms around him. I squeeze him as hard as I can and don’t let go. He squeezes me even harder. We just sit there holding each other. It’s the hug we both needed.

Ten minutes pass when we finally start letting go.

He wipes the dried tears under my eyes and smiles at me.

“I know you still don’t know me very well but I have known you for a very long time. I’m going to invite you to stay on my bus for however long you want to get away from the situation. It’s not healthy to be in a closed area with someone who you’re constantly arguing with each time you see them.”

“But what about everyone else?” I mumble.

“I already asked if they’d be okay with it and they thought it would be the healthiest thing to do since they don’t want you to go home. You’ll still see Jaime, Vic and Mike. You don’t have to worry about that. You just need to worry about deciding what you’re going to do about Tony.”

“Thank you.” I whisper, cracking a small smile.

“Let’s get you packed up before Tony gets back.”

“Where is he?” I ask.

He pauses and stares at me.

“Never mind. I remember what day it is.”

He’s going to get “the love of his life.”

Anger begins to fill my body again, but Alex gives my arm a little squeeze.

“Hey. It’s going to be okay. You’re not going to be around it all day long while she’s here the next week.”

“I know.”

Alex grabs my duffle bag and I grab the rest of the stuff I need on a daily basis.

We get off PTV’s bus and head to ATL’s bus.

“Just so you know Jack might be naked. Just a heads up.” He laughs

I giggle and shake my head.

“You laugh. You know how he is even though you haven’t seen him for a long time.” He scoffs.

I glance at him and he has a smirk plastered across his face.

“I’m serious, Maddie.” He smiles.

He opens the bus door for me and I climb in.

“Who the fuck is here?” Jack says glancing up from his phone.

“It is I. Your prince.” Alex says prancing into the back.

“I knew you’d come one day my love.” Jack says standing up and grabbing onto Alex’s shoulders.

Jack sees me and let’s go of Alex.

“Who are you?” He questions.

“Hi Jack.” I say awkwardly.

Jack leans in close to Alex and whispers into his ear.

“Dude no. Its Jamie’s sister. She’s staying with us for as long as she needs.” “Oh shit, Maddie! I didn’t even recognize you.”

“Yeah it’s been a while.” I laugh awkwardly.

Alex walks towards the bunks and I follow him with Jack watching me the entire time.

He sets my bag down and turns to me.

“You can stay in this bunk or you can sleep in the back where the TV is. Your choice.” He smiles.

“Thank you, Alex.” I mumble.

He wraps his arms around me and I fall into the hug.

“Everything will be okay. Maybe not now, but eventually it will be okay.”

I choke back tears and press my head to his chest.

A phone begins ringing but Alex’s steady heartbeat drowns out the noise.

“Hey the barbeque is about to start.” Jack interrupts.

We remove each other from the hug and turn our attention towards Jack.

“You wanna go?” Jacks questions.

Alex looks to me, questioning if I want to go.

“Sure.” I agree forcefully.

I really don’t want to go, but I don’t want one person to ruin everything.

One by one the three of us get off the bus.

“Have you been to the barbeque before?” Jack asks.

“I’ve meant to go but I’ve been so angry that I just end up having sex to spite someone.”

“That sounds awesome,” He laughs. “It’s kind of a bummer that there’s a chance of rain today.”

“I know, but I like gray clouds.” I smile looking towards the sky.

We arrive to the area and everyone is already binge drinking and music is blaring.

I sit down in a chair in a far corner. Close enough for people to see me but far enough away from the drunken stupidity and ear ringing music.

“Are you okay to be alone?” Alex asks.

“Yeah. If it’s too overwhelming I’ll just go back to your bus.”

“Okay.” He says patting my shoulder.

I watch various band members flip off the top of trailers into a crowd of more band members.

In the middle of a crowd I see some girl all over Tony.

I stare for a moment until they both look over at me.

Tony and I continue to make eye contact until the girl pulls his face away.

That must be Erin.

Jack walks over with a beer and hands it to me.

“Mind if I sit with you? I see a couple and I think it would be better if you’re not alone while they’re here.”

“Not at all. Thanks actually.” I smile accepting the beer.

He takes a few sips then clears his throat.

I already know he’s going to ask me a thousand questions.

“So if you don’t mind me asking. What’s going on with Tony? Weren’t you dating?”

I take in a deep breath trying to control my emotions.

“No. We never did date, but it seemed as if we were. We were best friends and if I can be honest with you I think I loved him at one point. I told him everything and I thought he told me everything. But apparently he’s been dating some girl and didn’t tell any of us about it and continued with the relationship that he and I had as well. We got in a big argument in front of the guys’ and he like called me a slut and basically told me that I was never anything to him.” I explain.  

“That’s really shitty. I’m sorry that happened to you. You don’t deserve that.”

“Thanks.”

He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I lean on him.

“I haven’t seen you in so long. How have you been, Jack?” “I’ve been great. My entire life is touring currently.”

“That’s been my life too, but mine is full of drama.”

He chuckles in response.

Heat radiates off him and I lean closer.

I look up and see Tony glaring my way.

I quickly turn my attention back to Jack.

“Why did you stop coming over all the time?” I ask

“I got busy with the band.” He sighs.

I nod my head.

“Do you wanna walk around?”

“Sure.”

He stands up and holds his hand out to me.

I take his hand and he pulls me up.

His arm goes around my shoulder and we start walking away from the barbeque.

I look through the crowd one last time.

Vic, Mike, Tony, and Tony’s girlfriend are standing in a circle and she’s glaring at me.

I scrunch my forehead and sigh.

We get away from the loudness and start walking towards the buses.

“I can’t believe it’s almost dark already.”

“I know.”

We walk in silence until Jack clears his throat again.

“I’ve always thought I’d have a serious relationship by now or at least something I do outside of the band. I mean I’m 23 years old, Maddie.”

“What do you mean?” I wonder.

“Alex and Rian have that. Zack is completely dedicated to his body outside of the band and has his hobbies. I have nothing outside of the band. I literally live alone and want to hang out with Alex, Rian, and Zack. But they have lives outside of me and outside of the band. I don’t like being alone.”

“Why haven’t you settled down then, Jack?”

“I fuck around too much. Girlfriends get really annoyed with me and we end up breaking up. They say that I’m too childish and they don’t want to deal with me. I want to change so someone will be with me.”

“Jack no. Don’t change who you are ever. You are absolutely wonderful the way you are. Anyone could see that. You know when to be serious in situations, but you always lighten the mood. You’re so absolutely perfect and fantastic the way you are. I promise.”

He does a half smile and bumps me with his shoulder.

“Thanks.”

He clears his throat and turns to look me in the eyes.

“How are you dealing with the whole Tony situation so well?”

I take in a deep breath and think for a moment.

“I’m honestly not dealing with it well. Tony is honestly my absolute best friend besides my brother. Even though I’m very angry with him and even though I don’t want to see him or hear his voice it still bothers me deep down. It bothers me because of what he said to me and I feel like he actually meant it and it hurts a lot because I feel like he couldn’t simply tell me he had a girlfriend. I feel like he doesn’t trust me. It’s so hard seeing him because I want to talk to him like everything is normal and I want to cuddle with him and do the normal stuff him and I do…” My voice cracks and my eyes water up, “…but it’s not like that right now. It hurts really bad. I haven’t been this depressed in a long time or this upset. I feel like I lost a part of me. A huge chunk of my life is just gone and I don’t know what to do. So instead of handling it like I should I’m ignoring him. I’m hurting myself. Also I’m fucking Mike and probably hurting his feelings since I don’t like him anymore. I just don’t know what to do. Mike is a big part of my life and I feel like I’m going to ruin our relationship completely if I keep doing what I’m doing. I don’t want to ruin Jamie’s and my relationship because I’m hurting myself. I don’t want Vic to sit up all night watching me to make sure that I’m okay. I don’t want any other people getting hurt by me while I’m hurting.”

We reach the back of ATL’s bus.

“I’m so sorry, Maddie. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” Jack says wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into a hug.

I cry into his chest and he just holds me.

I pull my head away from his chest and look to his face.

Within a moment our lips are collided and I’m pushed against the bus.

My fingers pull up the edge of his shirt and his hand finds its way down my pants.

He starts kissing my neck and his finger begins rubbing my clit.

I moan out and my hand travels down his body to the front of his pants.

I start rubbing him through his pants and he groans.

“Tony I swear to fucking god if you keep walking away from me we’re done.” I hear a woman say from the other side of the bus.

“Give me a fucking break, Erin!” A voice yells back followed by a door slamming.

The voice is unmistakable. It’s definitely Tony.

I quickly pull my hand away from him and Jack removes his hands from me.

“I’m so sorry things got that far but we cannot be seen like this together.” I whisper

“Not your fault at all. I encouraged it.”

I hear a bus door slam again a little ways down and I sigh in relief.

“We can’t do that again.” I say.

“Agreed.” He laughs.

“What do you think happened?” I question.

“I’m not sure. Go spy.” Jack says nudging me.

“Come spy with me.” I plead.

“Nope. It’s your business there. Not mine.” He smiles as he pokes my nose.

“You suck.” I smile.

“Tell me what you find out.” He smiles back.

I nod and walk the opposite directions to PTV’s bus.

One of the bus windows is open and I stand close to it to eavesdrop.

“Delete the text now.” Erin demands.

Silence is her only answer.

“Tony I am not playing! If you send that text we are done. You do not get to talk to that girl.”

“Erin I ruined MY relationship with my best friend because I thought you were more important. You tell me to not talk to her and look where I am now; I’m depressed and lonelier than ever. Do you know how hard it is to see her every single day and not talking to her? She looks destroyed because I betrayed her. I completely destroyed something that made me happier than I’ve ever been.”

“Happier than you’ve ever been? Really? I should be the reason you’re happy not that little bitch that you couldn’t keep your eyes off of.”

“Her name is Maddie.”

“I don’t give a fuck what her name is.”

It goes silent again and I hear the iphone keyboard sounds as he types.

“Tony if you send it…” Her voice begins but drowns out over nearby music.

I shuffle closer to the window so I can continue to eavesdrop.

“Then leave.”

“Are you really going to do this?”

“Please leave, Erin. I can’t do this anymore.”

I hear her scoff in response.

It’s quiet for a few minutes and then there’s sniffling followed by the sound of a bag being zipped.

“I’m sorry the way I acted.” I hear her mumble.

“I’m sorry I let this continue when I knew inside it was wrong...”

“It’s okay, Tony. Please do what will make you happy and don’t let anything get in your way. I hope we’ll still remain friends.”

I slowly move away from the window and walk back to ATL’s bus.

Hearing that made me feel so guilty.

Tears welt in my eyes and I can feel my throat tightening.

He broke up with her just because of us having an argument and just because both of us are too immature to apologize. I was too stubborn and not only am I depressed now, but he is too.

I pull out my phone and desperately wait for him to text me. My heart races in my chest and all I want to do is go to him for comfort. I stumble away from the bus and try my best to try to calm myself. I fear tears welting in my eyes before they begin to run down my face. Rain drops begin falling from the sky and I cover my head. I hurry back to All Time Low’s bus to get out of the rain. Jack’s sitting inside on the couch and looks up to me.

“Aw Maddie what’s going on?” Jack asks pushing himself off of the couch.

My heart aches and I feel more tears running down my face.

Jack hugs me tight and I bury my head in his chest.

“We’re both miserable.” I sob.

A loud crack of thunder startles me and Jack holds me tighter.

“It’s okay. It will be okay.”

I pull myself away from Jack and wipe the wetness from my face.

“I need to think. I’m going for a walk.”

He rubs my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic smile.

“Call me if you need me.”

“Thank you.”

I push myself out the bus door and pull my hood over my head.

The area is empty and the only sound I hear is the heavy raindrops hitting the ground. I guide my way around the buses as my movement slows down to the heaviness of my clothes being soaked. I find a spot to sit and I lean back onto the fence. My heart rate slows down and my body begins to calm. I take a deep breath in and stare out into the various lights shining off buses. I feel my phone buzz so I pull it out to check. 7 missed calls from Vic.

I call him back and he answers frantically.

“Maddie, where are you?”

“I went for a walk.”

“Tony is looking for you and Jack explained to me what’s going on.”

He’s looking for me? A can’t help but smile.

“Okay…” I say slowly.

“You know the right decision for you. Choose. I support you either way.” He says calmly.

The phone goes dead and I’m already up on my feet running.

I don’t even stop to think. My heart wants what it wants.

My legs don’t stop moving and my eyes don’t stop searching.

I begin losing hope though. I haven’t seen him anywhere.

My legs just stop moving and I freeze in place.

He probably stopped looking.

I shove my hands into my pockets and frown.

“Mads.” I barely hear behind me.

I swiftly turn around and see Tony.

“Maddie.” He shouts over the rain.

I look at him and feel complete.

“Mads I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Look I messed up. I lied. I told you awful things that should have never came out of my mouth. I shouldn’t have even ever thought of the things I said to you. I’m sorry Maddie, but I’m a mess without you.” He explains.

I look at him speechless.

“I only want you. I realize this now.”

"You have to promise me." I shout over the pouring rain.

"I fucking promise you, Mads!" He shouts back.

"You have to swear on everything. This isn't something that you fuck around with and I need to know that you're willing to commit." I say dropping to my knees, rain soaking my body even more

He just stares at me with his mouth open.

"You can't break my heart again." I whisper.

He bends down in front of me and lifts my chin up.

"You...and me...forever. I promise." He whispers.

He pulls me into a hug and I once again feel complete.

  *6 months later*

Things have been going well for Tony and I. We fit together perfectly. We moved in together about two months ago and I get to spend every day with my best friend. This is all I need in my life.

I finish curling my hair and walk into Tony’s and my bedroom.

He smiles at me as he finishes getting dressed for the night.

“So beach party with everyone and then back here for Netflix?” He asks.

“That sounds wonderful.” I say before kissing his cheek.

We walk out to the car and on the drive to the beach we sing along to our favorite songs.

He turns down the music and looks at me.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing.” He says smiling.

“No tell me.”

“I’m just so in love with you.” He says squeezing my hand a little.

I lean over and kiss his cheek.

“I love you too, Tony.”

He rubs his thumb over my fingers and turns the radio back up.

We arrive to the beach and look around for the guys.

We hear singing and music playing so we know exactly where to go.

“Hey! Mads! Tony! Welcome!” Vic shouts to greet us.

Various hugs and hellos are exchanged before we even have a second to chill.

The night played out like it usually does. The guys drink, games are played, music is going constantly, and good conversation is always there. Until I look down at Tony’s phone and see a text from Erin.

Anger floods my body and I don’t even give myself a chance to think about the situation.

I stand up and zip up my jacket.

“Where are you going?” Jaime asks.

“I’m going home.”

“Why?” Vic asks.

“I’m tired and I just want to leave.”

I storm off towards the parking lot to go across the street to get a cab.

Right before I reach the parking lot I hear Tony screaming my name to get me to stop.

I keep walking though.

“Maddie will you please explain what is going on?” Tony shouts from behind me.

I make my way through the parking lot and try to contain my soon to be explosion from anger.

“Maddie come the fuck on. I hate when you do this. We were all having a good time and you just get pissy for no reason.”

I stop in place and turn to look at him.

“Are you kidding me, Tony? Why are you still talking to Erin? I thought you weren’t going to have any contact with her.”

“She literally just texted me to see how WE were doing.”

“It’s still the fucking point you broke a promise, Tony.” I respond harshly.

I turn around and continue to walk.

I look to my left and see headlights.