This Is A Wasteland (Part 9)
*One month later*
I like where things are with Tony and I.
It’s like we’re together, but we’re not.
Only irritating thing with him is that he’s constantly on his phone since we went to that concert a while back.
“Maddie.” Tony calls as he gets upstairs.
“You’re staying at my house right?”
I spin around and look to him.
“Of course I am, you butt.”
He grins and plops down on my bed.
“Finishing packing?” “Yeah. This week went by a lot faster than I thought it would.”
I pull my hair into a bun and put the rest of my make up into my backpack.
“You’re so cute.” Tony mumbles.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He says shaking his head.
“Okay.” I say laughing a tad.
“Ready to go?”
“Yep.” I say putting on my backpack.
He grabs my suitcase and we walk downstairs.
“Hi-me I’m staying at Tony’s! Make sure you lock the door before you leave for Vic’s tonight!” I shout.
“Okay!” He shouts back.
“He’s gonna forget.”
“I know.” I sigh.
We walk out to his car and set off to his house, the last night in town for this summer.
"Maddie!”
My eyes bolt open and look at the light shining around the blue room.
“Warped Tour!” I scream getting out of Tony’s bed.
He picks me up and spins both of us around.
He sets me down and flips his hair forward, drenching me in the process.
“Tony!” He laughs and awkwardly runs his fingers through his hair.
“I’m gonna shower before the bus is gets here.” “How long are you gonna be?” “Fifteen maybe twenty minutes.” “Okay.” I give him a weird look and walk into his bathroom.
As I get undressed, I feel off.
Depression is back definitely.
“Fuck.” I mutter to myself.
I knew something was off this last week.
Oh well, act like nothing’s wrong.
I shower faster than usual, brush my hair, put on my yoga shorts and tank top, and do my makeup.
“To-ny.” I sing opening the bathroom door to his bedroom.
“Oh my god!” He screams pulling a blanket over him.
I giggle like a school girl and cover my eyes.
“Tony!” I say laughing.
I hear shuffling and uncover my eyes.
I see the blanket off of him, his pants pulled up and his hands covering his face.
I laugh and walk over to him.
“Tony come on uncover your face.” I giggle pulling at his hands.
I crawl onto his bed and sit on his stomach.
“Tony come on!” I yell bouncing while yanking on his hands.
“Maddie no I’m embarrassed!”
“Come on Tone. Masturbation is a beautiful thing.” “Oh my god.” He groans chuckling a bit.
“See! Come on, Tone. Finish up and meet me downstairs.” I say patting his chest.
“No! I’m not gonna finish up its already gone.” “Sorry to be such a boner-kill.” I say giggling.
“Well you’re the reason of the boner.” “What?” “What?” He laughs nervously and I roll my eyes smiling.
I crawl off of him and grab my bag.
“Come on Tone! We gotta go.”
“Are we just going to forget about what happened?”
“No. I’m going to bother you about that forever.”
“God dammit.” He whines standing up and grabbing his bag.
“Love you, Tone.” “Yeah, yeah.”
“Hey!” “Love you too, Butthead.
I stick my tongue out at him and he smiles big.
He drops his bag and picks me up.
“Tony what are you doing?”
“Loving you!”
Tony’s phone buzzes and he sets me down quickly.
My smile immediately goes away and I just look down.
“What’s so important about your phone lately?”
“Just texting people.”
“I...Whatever.”
I hear screeching outside followed by a huge smack at the door.
“I’m guessing the boys are here.”
I throw open the door and Mike picks me up.
“Warped Tour!”
I giggle and kiss his cheek.
He sets me down and I turn towards Tony.
His face is really tense and I give him a concerned look. “Are you okay?” “Yeah. I’m all good.”
Mike kisses the top of my head and I just stare at Tony.
Tony frowns at me and walks out the front door with his stuff.
“What’s up his ass?” Mike whispers.
“I don’t know anymore.
He puts one arm around my shoulder and grabs my bag with his free hand.
“Come on.”
We walk out of the front door and I pull away from Mike.
“Mads are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just go ahead to the bus. I’ll be a minute.”
He nods and walks off.
I close the front door, lock it, and hide Tony’s key.
I stare at the front door for a few seconds and then run towards the bus.
I walk up the stairs and look into the bus.
“Mads I’m so glad you’re going with us.” Jaime says smiling.
I sit down next to him and snuggle into his arm.
“I’m glad too. Thanks for asking me to go.”
“I feel like we’re not going to argue for once.” “Why do you say that?” “Because we’ll relax more with it just us.”
“True. This summer is going to be amazing.”
“That it is little sister.” “Two minutes younger.” “Still younger.” “Shut up.” I giggle sticking my tongue out at him.
“I’m so offended right now.” “Good.” I look out the window as I lean against Jaime, and just watch the world go by.
“Hime-Time.” Vic calls.
“Yea?”
“Come look at the back of the bus dude.”
I sit up but don’t stop looking out the window.
I yawn and start leaning back but I bump into someone instead of the bottom of the couch.
“Mike.” I smile looking up at his face from his lap.
“Mads.” He smiles at me.
He pokes my nose and I smile at him.
“You’re so cute.” “Oh shut up.”
“You know you are, Mads. Just admit it.” “Never!” I say poking his cheek.
Tony giggles and Mike and I look to him.
“What?” I ask.
“You have a girlfriend? Since when?” Mike asks.
“About a month or two ago we started dating. I met her before the concert.”
“Oh. Well I didn’t know this.” Mike states.
“Neither did I.” I say staring at Tony coldly.
Tony looks at me and then looks down.
“Yeah we’ve been together for a while.” He says looking at the floor.
“Why didn’t you tell any of us?” I ask staring at him furious.
“I didn’t feel like it was important.”
“How is not telling your best friend that you have a girlfriend not important, Tony?” I growl at him angrily.
“Mads I’m sorry.” “Too fucking late for that now, Tony.” I scream at him.
“Mads I think you need to go to a different room.” Jaime says walking in.
“Why should I have to leave?”
“I got her.” Mike says picking me up.
I roll my eyes and relax my body in his arms.
Mike carries me to my bunk and lays me in it.
“Relax, okay?”
“Wow. You really know how to make someone feel better, Mike.” “I understand you’re mad but you don’t need to take out your anger on me.” “You take your anger out on me all the time.” I mumble turning away from him.
“Mads…” He says desperately.
“Piss off.” I growl.
My bunk goes dark and I close my eyes.
My anger slowly slides off my body and I relax enough to fall asleep.
When I wake up my eyes burn.
I blink a few times then grab my phone.
6:23 p.m.
“Someone needs to wake her up.” “What if she doesn’t want to go?” “Then boo-fucking-hoo. We’re still gonna ask.”
“I’ll ask.”
My curtain opens and reveals Mike. “What are you asking me?” “If you want to go get food.”
“Only if you let me hold your hand.” “Doll, I do that anyways.”
I swing my legs out of the bunk and push myself out.
I walk out from the bunk area to the front.
“Good morning, Sunshine!” Vic smiles.
I smile at him and we all pile off the bus.
“What sounds good, Mads?” “I don’t really care.” I sigh grabbing onto Mike’s hand.
We walk for about ten minutes until we find a little diner.
We all sit at a booth and I lean against Mike looking at his menu.
Our waitress gathers around and takes our drink orders.
It’s nice when I’m not in a good mood because Mike knows exactly what I want.
Conversation carries around the table, but not a word is said from me.
“Maddie are you still mad?” “No. I’m just tired.” I sigh.
Mike puts his arm around me and I push my head into his side.
I make eye contact with Tony, but he breaks it quickly.
I’m so done with this bullshit.
The waitress comes back and sets my milkshake and French fries in front of me.
I pick at my food but don’t really eat.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath in leaning back onto Mike.
“You okay?” Mike murmurs while rubbing my arm.
“Just irritated.” I mumble.
“I know, Princess. This night will be done with soon.”
I open my eyes and look up to him smiling.
I glance back towards the guys and Tony makes eye contact with me.
I don’t break it and just stare at him.
Mike kisses the top of my head and Tony rolls his eyes.
“Are you kidding me?” I huff sitting up and putting my arms on the table.
“What?” He asks smirking.
“Do you think you’re fucking cool by making me madder at you?” He rolls his eyes again and I move up onto my knees, making me a tad taller.
“I am fucking sick of you. I don’t know what’s up your ass but you need to pull it the fuck out.”
“What the fuck, Maddie.”
“No shut the fuck up. I am your best friend. I keep your secrets and support you on fucking everything, and you fucking tip toe around my back keeping a pretty big fucking secret from me. I don’t deserve that shit. We were fine early this morning but within a few hours you’re mad at me and I’m mad at you.”
“Shut the fuck up. You’re an awful best friend. I apologize to myself for wanting you do be in my life because you get jealous when I’m with someone.”
“Whoa okay not cool dude. I really didn’t want to get into this, but watch what you fucking say to her. Do not say that shit to my sister. She’s a great best friend and a great person.” Jaime says jumping in.
“I’m not jealous. If anything you’re the one jealous, because anytime I’m around Mike you get pissed off and won’t talk to me.”
“Cause you act like a fucking slut.” Tony yells.
I grab my milkshake and dump it onto him.
“Tony what the fuck is up your ass!” Vic yells slamming his hands onto the table.
I jump over Mike’s lap and stand at the end of the table staring at him.
“If I’m such a slut, why were you masturbating to me this morning? You have a fucking girlfriend.”
He stares at me with hurt in his eyes and I walk towards the door.
“You need to go fucking fix things with her.” I hear Vic half shout.
“Eventually.”
“There’s no eventually, Tony, it’s now or never.”
I shove my way out the door and walk back to the bus.
My skin itches by the time I get inside.
Clothes peel of my skin and I find my way to the bathroom.
I start the shower and stand there looking in the mirror.
I run my fingers over the scars on my hips.
I look down to the counter and see razors.
My hand goes straight for the box.
I pick it up and shake it, hearing the razors raddle inside.
My skin screams for them, and subconsciously my fingers open up the box.
Pulling one out, I drop the box into the sink.
The razor lays between my fingertips and my brain is on stop.
My body goes towards the shower, and I get in, but my brain is stuck on the razor in my hand.
Sliding down the wall, I end up on the ground of the shower floor.
Everything in my world freezes, except my hand.
Automatically I go for my right hip, slicing my skin open in multiple spots.
Water hits the cuts, and I’m pulled from my moment.
My skin burns and I drop the razor onto the ground.
“What have I done?” I mumble in horror.
I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up.
It’s been so long. I’ve been doing so well.
What have I done to myself?
I pull my legs to my chest and start sobbing.
I hear the bus door close and cover my mouth.
“Maddie?” I can’t recognize the voice.
“Mads, are you okay? I know everything was rough back there, but Mike and Jaime are talking to him.” “Go away, Vic.” I choke out.
“Maddie why are you crying?” “Leave me alone.”
Silence fills the bathroom, but I know he’s still there.
I see his shadow move towards the sink, and my body tenses up.
I dropped the razors. I didn’t put them back.
My body shakes and the shower curtain gets pulled back.
“Show me your arms now.” Vic demands.
I hug my knees tighter, but he grabs my left arm.
He yanks it forward and stares at my arm.
“Where are they?” He demands.
He stares at me and I look down.
“Mads.” He pleads softly.
“Hip.” I breathe.
“Get out of the shower.” He says turning off the water.
He grabs a towel and wraps it around my body.
I step out of the shower and stand there shaking.
“Which side?” He whispers.
“Right.”
He pulls the towel back and looks at them.
“Maddie… why?”
“I don’t know.”
“I understand.”
Vic gets into the cabinet and grabs out band-aids and Neosporin, along with cotton swabs and rubbing alcohol.
He dabs the swab with alcohol and carefully runs the swab over my hip.
“Get back in the shower.”
I sit back onto the ground and Vic turns on the water.
He washes my hair and my body.
“Thank you.” I mumble.
“You’re like my sister and mean a lot to me. I’ll take care of you always, and so will your brother and Mike and even Tony, even though it seems like he doesn’t care right now. Tony’s just stuck in his own world and isn’t thinking about anyone’s feelings but his, Darlin.”
He double checks to make sure I have no soap residue on me.
“Stand up.”
He holds his hand out to me and I take it.
He pulls me off the floor and wraps a towel around me.
“Dry off.”
I run the towel over my body and dry everything I can.
He puts Neosporin on me, and then covers up the cuts with band-aids.
“Put on your tank top and shorts. I’ll get you one of my hoodies.”
I put on my shorts, but don’t have the energy to put on my shirt.
Vic walks back in and smiles at me softly.
“Need help?” “Please.” He puts on my shirt and puts his hoodie on me.
“Go sit in the back of the bus. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I walk into the back and lay on the couch.
Vic walks in with his and I’s blankets and pillows.
He sets up a little bed for us in the back and sets me in the corner.
“Sit up.”
I do and he brushes my hair for me.
“Where are your makeup wipes?”
“In my bag.”
“I’ll be right back.” He comes back in with a wipe and gently wipes off my makeup.
He goes down the buses hallway and fiddles around for a minute.
Vic walks back in and lays next to me.
“Your depression’s back.” “I know.” I whimper. “Why didn’t you tell us?” “I deal with it really well a lot of the time.”
He frowns and cuddles next to me.
“It’ll be okay. I promise. In the end we’ll all be okay.”
He turns on the TV and we just lay there watching TV.
I end up falling asleep, but keep waking up each time I hear the other guys talking.
Awkward comes on the TV and I lay there watching it as I hear yelling at the other end of the bus.
The yelling comes to a stop and I fall asleep again.
Nightmares fill my dreams and I wake up crying.
The lounge door flies open and the TV light reveals Mike.
“What’s wrong?” He asks worried.
“Bad dream.”
“I’m sorry, Doll.” He says laying down next to me.
“Where’s Vic?”
“Talking to Jaime.”
“Where’s Tony?” “Somewhere with Erin.” “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“She’s joining us on tour.” “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“I am, love, but she is going to come for a few weeks eventually.”
I press my head to his chest and he holds me close.
“Everything will be okay eventually. I promise.” “I’m tired of promises. They always get broken.” He hushes me and rubs my back.
Slowly I fall back asleep.
