#thronius

i spent almost all of my time in the past few months doing nothing

im in the second year of uni, my schedule is full, but my mind is like ‘nah, hey i heard something about a great new game, go play it’ and thats the story about how i spent the past two months obsessing about undertale

and now its april 15th and im so far behind that im at a point beyond caring

what happened to me

i used to be the poster child of tryharding in school

I did it.

I finished my projects. It’s done. No more, at least for now.

It’s finally over.

...

...What is this feeling?

No... it can’t be... I haven’t felt this in so long... I had assumed it’d never come back to me anymore...!

Yes! It is! It’s....

FREE TIME!

IT HAS RETURNED!

*runs to computer*

So, I’ve been running the name ThroneHenge pretty much everywhere on the web (except for here, haha, long story), and as such, it had been my League name for years. But now, I’ve got something better: I adopted the name of my favorite skin. I am henceforth known as Guqin Sona!

im so freaken happy rn

So yeah, if you play League of Legends on EUW, be sure to add Guqin Sona for ARAMs or weird Normals where I’ll always play as... you guessed it, Guqin Sona.

Unless when she’s banned.

Holy something. What happened?

The last few months were a confusing mixture of stress, depression and overall bad feelings. I’ve always been a cheerful person. Always, until last November, that is.

I’ve never been in control of my life, so to speak. I suck at making decisions of any kind: so much so that I’ve always given the right to make my choices away to others. My parents treat me like a child, simply because I’ve basically given them the right to.

Why don’t I make decisions? Simple. I can’t stand consequences. I’m a natural pessimist (maybe somewhat paradoxically), and therefore I always think everything will go haywire. If someone else makes my decisions, I’m not to blame! Right?

Well, last November I hit a standstill. I’m nineteen now, second year of uni, and a so-called ‘honour student’. I hate that expression, but hey, it’s what they say. The same ‘they’ are continuously giving me assignments that are very complex and very personal. There’s no way someone else could make these decisions.

But I still tried.

My mother, my father, my counselor, my friends, my classmates... I’ve approached them all. And for the first time, all of them uttered the same phrase.

“Sorry, it’s your decision.”

So it was.

The depression hit harder. Stood stronger. I couldn’t take it. I decided to quit those studies. On Monday, February 1st, I headed to uni with the intention of quitting. I had an appointment planned with my counselor that evening, so that would be the perfect time. Until then, just one more lousy day of school work. Yaaay.

Sometime during that day, my ever-active brain mulled it all over once more. 

“Quitting? Why? You’re already halfway through your second year. Keep this up with those grades of yours, and your future will be brighter than the brightest stars!” it resonated in my head.

“Yeah, sure. Like I care about my future.” I muttered.

“Why not?”

...

Yeah, why not?

I kept going on that train of thought. The first sparks of optimism in at least three months hit my head harder than the depression did, surprisingly so. The day flew by, and the appointment approached. The end-all moment.

It was the shortest conversation I’ve ever had with my counselor.

“So, I heard you’re quitting?” he asked.

“...Nope,” I replied, “you must have misheard.”

“Oh, alright then. Go on home, then.”

It wasn’t until late that night when my father found out, that I finally realised what I did. I made a decision. I decided to stay, work hard and actually do something for once. My dad said he was surprised I decided to stay. I replied with: “Yep. Me too.”

And now it’s nearly March.

I’m still going strong. Still somewhat uncertain about my abilities, but determined to pull through. I’m taking up the ‘Honours’ assignments I’ve been putting off for so long. I’m going to finish this year. I’m going to finish my studies. I’m going to have a great life.

Hopefully.

And it’s all thanks to that one decision. It turned me around. Now, I’m making decisions, taking risks, diving onto opportunities like the world’s my oyster. And I don’t even like seafood.

I don’t want to ‘somehow still be around’ after a few years. I want to be able to look back on my uni grade and say: “I did that. That was my doing.”

I am finally in control of my life.

That’s what happened. Holy something.

Thank you if you took the time to read all of this. It means a lot <3

kinda

i never thought college would be so incredibly stressful that i wouldnt even have time to finish my LP

but hey, i got a few days off, and i’ll try to finish it so i can resume posting on here

once again, im sorry for the absence

I’m sorry about missing uploads lately, college has been and still is a lot of work. I’m sorry to have to announce that, from now on, my uploads will be less common.

This year, I decided to pick up a LOT of stuff throughout the year. I’m taking extra programs, doing extra work for extra credit, and so on, and so on.

All this leads to a lot of work and a loss of spare time. I haven’t played any video game in a while now, and the time I am able to spend on Tumblr has been reduced greatly.

So, unfortunately, I have to revert to the original “I-don’t-think-I’ll-post-much”-mentality, but this time, it’s not because I don’t know what to post. I just don’t have the time.

I hope you all will stick around though. I’m not gone, just less active.

Cheers!

New title, avatar and header image!

The avatar is a free-to-use icon based upon the brand new Arcade login screen by Riot Games, and the header is made by me! In fact, it’s a pic of the sky above the forest behind my house.