#threeloves

So, according to this you get 3 loves within your life - from my interpretation this does not include family love or friendship love (etc.), but only romantic love. In my short 22 years, I believe I am currently working my way through my second love.

I’ve always been the kind of person who might not know what they want, they are determined to get it. After university I decided to get a job in science and I was looking for one for about six months. MY sleep pattern was all sorts of messed up, not having much to do during the day, and so often I stayed up quite late, deep diving head first into the internet. On the 3rd September 2013 I stumbled upon an app which quickly brought me together with a man who I thought would become my husband one day.

My significant other 2

Having learnt from my previous relationship I was very upfront with him, told him in what ways I’m messed up, I warned him about signs that are not good when coming from me and I was determined to avoid making the mistakes from my first relationship. I made sure I won’t be jealous of his other friendships early on by explicitly saying that he should really keep his life. This relationship felt different, more real, more significant. I felt strongly like I can trust his opinion, I felt different and there was a moment when I honestly felt like the chase was over, I have found the one I’d always be with. I romanticised the entire thing, I was very positive about it and I gave myself up completely. He was my top ten priorities, I didn’t care about myself, because I expected to be his priority and then it just equals out. Of course, now I’m aware that I’m talking about codependence here and that is many things but healthy. I was madly in love with him, I had incredible highs and the shittiest, darkest lows. But I loved him, I had so much faith in us, that I kept thinking that everything will magically just sort itself out. I believed in us more than anything. This relationship was pretty much my religion and I broke other friendships. I only ever looked up my friends when I had to moan about him, I stopped talking to my parents, I started accompanying him on all his advertures and I completely bent my life into a shape that would fit into his. I lost myself, I was uncomformtable, I blamed everything under the Sun, but my relationship. I didn’t want to see how wrong we were for each other. I loved him with so much passion and I fought with him with just as much. There was a lot of drama for so many years and somehow I kept believing that this would all be fixed one day. Then we stopped having sex, I got more insecure, we got a dog and he didn’t seem like he cared for the poor thing very much and I saw more and more wrong with us. I was under a lot of pressure to be miss fucking sunshine at work, and then around his parents, and it was too much to deal with. I still didn’t want to see that all that bitterness is oozing from the cracks of our misaligned relationship. Then one day I broke down, I couldn’t take it any longer, I popped the sore, opened the wound a millions of maggots came rushing for fresh air. We aren’t good for each other. Allowing myself to see this has been the toughest thing I’ve ever had to face. I’m not over it, I don’t know when I will be, but I’m grateful for this relationship.

I learnt so much about myself, about what matters to me, about my love language, about being independent in a relationship and how very important that actually is. Every relationship is different, I don’t know what’s next for me. I wouldn’t even exclude the possibility that there isn’t anything for me in the cards from here. I still think he was the one, it just didn’t work out. I’m a dreamer, a romantic and an idealist. I started to build my relationship with my family again, I now understand why my best friend is with the man she chose to be with, which before I didn’t and I feel silly for that now. I now appreciate the people and opportunities in my life and I’m grateful for the love and support I get from people.

It’s been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime.

Yet, it’s said that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, high school even. It’s the idealistic love; the one that seems like the fairytales we are all read as children.

It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love; the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually comes dressed as all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be.

It’s the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime; but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to.

Possibly maybe we need a whole lifetime to learn or maybe if we’re lucky it only takes a few years.

And there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath.

Someone once told me they are the lucky ones; and perhaps they are.

But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if someone loves in the same way that they do or not.

And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something about our third.

The one we never see coming. The one that actually lasts. The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.

It is said that you only get three loves in your life. Destined by the gods. 

You get your first love. The one you are completely infatuated with. The one you think is perfect. This fire does not always last. IT ALMOST NEVER DOES. 

The next love you get is the mature love, the one who makes you crazy. He pushes your buttons and is determined to create an everlasting fire in your heart. It is passionate and intense. It drives you crazy and tempts you to join a world you thought you would never have entered. 

The next love is the one that lasts to your everlasting end. The one that secures you. The one that seems to be the other half of your broken soul. This is the love that lasts. This love is created for reproduction. For a lifetime. For your secure future. For your soul/ 

I, myself, have experienced two of the three that is said to be in most people’s lives and granted, the passionate love might seem like the end of the world once it ends, I am not only hopeful but I am also happy that this is not the end for me. I don’t need to search or to be afraid.