#thoughts in process

something about men as lovers and men as surgeons and interiors being violated with tender skill and knowing they have had their fingers inside your flesh, leaving you forever changed; something about an untouched rage that is all your own, one that revolves around the idea of violently returning the favor.

Did Leni Riefenstahl emanate Girlpower by making successful propaganda films for the Nazi regime?

i am having an easier time occupying space these days; an easier time being a body but it is a process that's never going to be complete & at times it is absolutely fraught with an ambiguity about personhood that is pretty frightening in it's lack of direction, in it's lack of cohesion (but then! aren't multiplicities what i've been talking about? being an amorphous un-fixed mass of energy?). i have written about trauma before, trauma held in the body, as body memory that resurfaces at moments as a jarring reminder of a history that is present. but! it's been pretty helpful to think of the ways i inhabit space & use space as a performance piece; to think of my motions/actions/my feelings & mental state & body as inhabiting a space & transforming that space & in turn, being transformed in occupying that space as intention, as a critical examination, as revealing, as unraveling. performance is also temporal & acts as a reminder that things/bodies/states are not fixed, even if our agency in their trajectories is minimal at best.