I guess I really need to make an effort to emphasize again to my doctor about how my big problem is that certain kinds of thinking have become more and more frustrating for me at this hyperbolic pace, and it makes me feel confused with an increasing frequency that concerns me a lot, and it's pretty identifiable into specific kinds of thinking, with specific examples, and I can articulate what my own thought patterns are like, down to the level of being able to physically feel and approximate unique sensations which accompany specific thought patterns, and every single therapy I've tried was helpless to affect the forward progress of these kinds of thinking becoming more and more difficult. And I keep finding these difficulties specified in literature about epilepsy, often clustered with some of my other issues that nobody can really place.
Also I was reading something off to Ky. Then a sentence became difficult for me to process all of a sudden. Like I was saying the wrong words in a disjointed cadence, like I was stuttering, and I was having another thought that felt so loud it clashed and progressively overwhelmed my initial thought -- that being the conscious reading of this sentence. Then for a moment I sat in this new, dominant thought, silent. I snapped back to awareness and realized how badly I had struggled to read this selection of words; it's almost like holes were eaten in the first half of the second sentence of the beginning of a larger paragraph of which I had picked out these sentences to read.
I asked Ky if that was normal, they said they get it too, and I asked again if that's normal, given they are getting awarded a bad ass skull implant because they're like the zero dark thirty of having seizures. But this is something I know I've always experienced, my whole life. And I just took it for granted forever, because nobody ever really listened when I tried to talk about it. I was just told to try harder, basically. But I've learned a LOT when I started paying attention. So I can recognize these specific proportions to the little cognitive and sensory holes I got. And I'm really good at observing them.
