#thornsraised

@thornsraised​​​ :    ❛ a war story is a black space. ❜ // for malleus, mayhaps

malleus is a child, a fae adolescent no older than forty. there’s so much he has yet to learn & even more that will be withheld from him until the time is right. but the young prince has always been a curious child, his pale hands always reaching for things just out of his grasp. malleus has yet to understand that there are things he’s not meant to question or ask about. he doesn’t understand that knowledge is dangerous & can burn you in ways his own flames cannot.

he finds lilia after studying in the palace library.  this is how his free time has been spent from the moment he’d learned to read. books can be tucked away & hidden but they can never refuse you. they won’t push you away or tell you you’re too young to read them. therefore the boy prince finally has a sense of freedom in pursuing what his heart desires. he can look through anything that catches his fancy & who’s to stop him. so that’s what he’s done. however this is the first instance that he’s sought someone else following his pursuit of knowledge. 

lilia is warm & playful as always. at this age malleus still feels he is the person safest to confide in. lilia won’t scold him or turn him in to his grandmother. malleus feels safe in the presence of his caretaker, which he supposes is what a caretaker is meant to be, a safe place. 

❛    what happened to my mother & father?     ❜  the sudden question pierces through the comfortable air in the room, lilia’s friendly greeting cut off completely. for a moment the old general’s smile is wiped from his pointed features. evidently he hadn’t expected today to be the day malleus would ask this question. 

since his birth what malleus had been told was that his parents weren’t with them anymore. the word death was never used in his presence, the prince was never outright told that his parents were slaughtered, but the tone made it clear of what it meant. & for a while that was enough for him. after all malleus had never known them & how can one miss someone they’ve never known? but today it wasn’t enough. today malleus read through the pages of a log detailing his mother & father’s funeral. 

lilia’s smile returns to his face almost as quickly as it had disappeared. however there’s something different in it now, something malleus is too young to pick up on. melancholy & grief lies in lilia’s ruby eyes, the elder lowering himself to malleus’ level. he playfully taps the tip of the prince’s nose with his finger.  “ what’s this? a new question today? ”  the tone is light & playful, far too amiable for one just asked about the passing of a loved one. “ now what’s the meaning of this sudden curiosity? ”

malleus explains himself, his words hurried & nearly frantic. the faster he explains the faster lilia can tell him the truth. the faster he can learn what in fact stole his parents away from him before he even had a chance to love them. thankfully lilia complies...well in a way. “ we lost them in the war. ”  lost. not died, not killed, lost. it’s always the same circling around the cold hard truth. “ this was before you were born. ”

❛    what happened in the war, lilia? tell me.    ❜  the curiosity is nearly gone in his pleas now, malleus using all his might to muster a commanding voice worthy of a future king. lilia may be older but malleus is still royalty. he has to do as he says, or else...or else...

lilia lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head as he lowers a hand to ruffle malleus’ dark hair. for the first time the elder’s cheeriness feels off putting as opposed to comforting. for the first time malleus does not feel completely safe in the company of his caretaker. “ now, now, i know my stories can be delightful, but now is not the time & place little princeling. stories rich the mind but a war story is a a black space within it. you’ll be ready to learn someday. don’t lose heart. ”

it’s the very last thing malleus wants to hear. it’s the thing he’d hoped against all hopes that lilia wouldn’t say. he’d thought...he’d hoped that lilia would be different. he thought at least lilia would be honest with him, understand that he’s not so little anymore. malleus had faith in lilia. but in this moment disappointment & betrayal seeps over the child’s faith in his caretaker. 

he wants to protest, he wants to demand an answer out of him. but he knows it’s no use. so the prince merely scrunches his youthful face up in a pained expression & nods.  ❛    yes, lilia.    ❜  malleus refuses to linger after that, his head drooping slightly as he wordlessly leaves the room. he’s been refused like this in the past, but that had been from servants & his grandmother, people who had never learned to develop hope in. with lilia this is the first time a refusal as so thoroughly broken the prince’s spirit like this. & that fractured spirit shoes in the hurt in the boy’s eyes as he turns away.

the next time he has an important question, malleus does not go to lilia. 

It’s notable only because she rarely is anymore; they spend most of their time in Savanaclaw these days, and visit Diasomnia only to change clothes or to get things she needs for class.  The visits are quick, and only recently has Lilia noticed that they seem designed to take place only when they know his schedule will likely have him out of the dorm — it’s been a while since he’s seen them for more than a few seconds, a flash of red hair as they pass in the halls.

She’s on her hands and knees on the cough beside an exasperated Sebek, who’s leaned halfway over the chair’s arm to escape Piper’s poking and teasing.  They nuzzle their cheek against his and laugh loudly at how flustered that gets him, and they seem happy and Lilia feels a smile steal across his mouth, feels himself breathe out a laugh at the sight.

Piper glances his way at the sound, and her eyes widen when they settle on him.  Just as quickly their gaze snaps down, head following suit, expression twisting quickly from a smile to something angry and — guilty?  She stiffly tugs the collar of her uniform up, hiding some of the visible marks upon her neck.  No, it’s not guilt in her expression, he realizes.  It’s shame.

Before he can fully process that, she’s standing from the couch, movements jerking and uneasy.  Sebek shoots her a distrustful look that she just laughs at, though the sound is far - away and absent.  “Sorry,” Piper says softly.  “Just remembered I have somewhere I gotta be, so your torment’s gotta get cut short.”  She pinches his cheek, quick, already making her way past the younger boy and towards the door.  “Lucky you.”

Lilia’s mouth is opening to say her name, but by the time the first syllable can even consider escaping, she’s already gone.  The quiet she leaves behind is heavy and cold.

“——— I’m throwing up blot.”  It’s a quiet confession, shattering the comfortable silence that’s settled between them.  Lilia came.  To check up, that’s all, maybe expecting them to be having another nightmare.  But Yuu had avoided the nightmare problem by forgoing sleep entirely, and so what had began as a check - up had ended up with the pair just hanging out.

Maybe it’s exhaustion that has them feeling prone to confessions.  Even when they try to sleep, they rarely make it through the night without either hacking up blot or dreaming about it.  They love Lilia, and they don’t want to burden him.  But they’re so fucking tired of this.  And with Grim avoiding them at current, there’s only so much they can bear alone.

They’d like at least one father they can confess to

So, the story goes something like this — a strange, short person walks through the forests of Mondstadt one evening, a storm looming on the horizon.  And this strange person sees lightning crash and hears thunder do the same, and in the same moment sounds out a cross between a cat’s hiss and a child’s shriek.  And his investigation prompts him to find — 

go wild and i'm bad at plotting AND talkign to new ppl but my dms are open

   asdfg trust me lmao I’m pretty bad, myself, but with Crowley I definitely wanna make the effort since it feels like I need to build him 1/4, up if not the ground, up.

    “  Lilia  Vanrouge  of  Diasomnia.  “  The  guard’s  head  turns  towards  the  approaching  figure.  Few  noticed  his  presence  in  events  as  large  as  these.  The  vulture  in  the  corner  ,  overseeing  all  without  attracting  attention.  The  mask  tilts  as  the  guard  tilts  his  head.

@thornsraised​​ :    " it's difficult to decide if this quiet is peaceful or not, " lilia says as he lowers his tea cup. with silver and sebek gone on this camping trip, things certainly feel different. " i can't help but wonder how they're doing... " not that he's worried about them, of course; he just hopes they're having fun and bonding with their clubmates.

the atmosphere is strangely quiet...too quiet.  malleus had never anticipated missing the booming voice of his underclassman & bodyguard but this quiet is almost unnerving. silver’s absence in addition to sebek’s makes the difference even more significantly noticeable, the hallowed halls of the diasomnia dorm quiet & still. it feels strangely reminiscent of the days in malleus’ first year at night raven college & even more so of the decades before either boys were even thought of. it had been quiet then too, so still & hauntingly empty. they were lonelier times that malleus does not think fondly of. & perhaps in the future he shall not remember this time fondly either. 

in the distance he can hear the footsteps of diasomnia students returning from lunch or afternoon activities. the footsteps do not still, do not stop by the lounge room but merely continue onward, growing fainter as the students head for the sleeping quarters. this is how it has been since the beginning, since the very first day he began attending night raven college. in most circumstances it does not bother him. malleus is well aware of the fear he naturally instills in others. it’s something he’s learned to live with over time. however this particular weekend the impact hits harder, his long stitched wounds torn open anew. 

malleus takes a sip of his tea, an impassive expression on the prince’s face as he looks over at lilia sitting across from him.  ❛    yes, it does feel quieter without them doesn’t it?  i can imagine you’re experiencing some empty nest syndrome, hm?    ❜  he’s purposefully taking the heat off of himself. he knows why lilia went out of his way to call him for tea. but malleus will not allow himself to be pitied. he’s not a child anymore no matter how lilia may see him. ❛    it has been some time since silver was without us. perhaps it will do him some good.    ❜   the boy is so pure of heart even as he’s approaching adulthood. at times malleus fears what could become of him if he does not become wiser to the world around him.

for a few moments it’s quiet around them, the only sound being the pitter patter of rain falling from the castle roof & the faint sound of thunder in the distance. malleus lowers his teacup to its saucer, breath hot as he exhales. ❛    but i’m sure you have lots of things to attend to. were you not planning on attending some sort of video game tournament this evening?    ❜  

@thornsraised​​ :    " are you alright, malleus?? " lilia asks, peering at malleus over the rim of his teacup. " you've seemed distracted all morning. " / hehe