It’s better now. May seem impossible, but it’s a lot better. But I can’t lie, some things haven’t gotten better. But that’s just how it is. Maybe one day those things will be easier, but that only means other things will be harder to deal with. Nothing’s ever easy. I’m still learning about that.

If there’s any advice I could give you– it’s to learn to let go. A lot of people in your life are going to up and leave you, but you can’t latch onto the idea of them. No matter how amazing life was with them, learn to see how amazing life is without them. Especially if they didn’t bother to stay. Sometimes it isn’t their fault, life just pulls people apart. But when it is their fault, you need to go your own way. You can remember them in memories, photographs, whatever you’d prefer– but they’re not the same people they were when you were friends. Sad but true.

Just because life feels like it’s over, it isn’t. Things were shitty then like they are now, but that’s something that never goes away. As time goes on, I’ve been getting less and less sleep. That’s what comes with the self-diagnosed insomniacs. My parents still don’t seem to want to address my plausible insomnia nor my clinically diagnosed (by my psychologist when I used to go to her for sessions) depression. How about I suffer without medication yep– fantastic idea. I can’t blame them though. It’s a little scary to think about. Although I do expect more from my mom sometimes. She’s trying though. I need to give her that.

No matter how much shit dad gives you, power through it. Don’t let yourself take any of it. He’s your father but he’s not your dad anymore. It’s a shame, but you need to realize that if you want to avoid the pain and heartbreak to come. I wish I’d’ve known. Would’ve made things so much easier to go through emotionally.

Not everyone hates you just because you tell yourself that they do. Talk to people you normally wouldn’t, live in less fear that everyone spends time in your company out of pity for you. It’s not like that. It still feels like it some days, but it’s really a lot better then you may think. Some people like you. Some people even look up to you. There’s a few incredible young girls at school that’ll stalk your Instagram and love talking to you about everything. They’ll even ask you for advice and listen to your hopes for the future! There’s people that celebrate you for you and are going to push you in the right way towards your dreams. You’re going to get more solos and chances to perform and do what you really love! It’s going to be amazing. You’re going to feel amazing.

Sure it won’t be an everyday thing that you’ll feel like you’re on Cloud 9. I still have days where I feel like shit. Right now I’ve been having one of those weeks. It sucks. It makes you want to turn your insides out and lay down for hours until you waste away into nothingness, but you can’t let it crush you completely. Sure sometimes I’m still not productive with work or anything I really should be focusing on, but give yourself time to take a nap or eat some chocolate and just take a breather. Life’s difficult but you need to take care of yourself.

Love,