Summary: Birmingham has received a new club, one that is showcasing a exotic type of dance that is drawing in crowds, but it is one particular dancer that catches Thomas Shelby's eye.
One that goes by the stage name: Little Darling.
Warnings: 18+ only, eventual pinv! sex, eventual heavy smut, stripper!reader, heavy petting, dry humping, language, drinking, cannon Peaky Blinder violence, pole dancing, lap dances
!AGELESS/MINOR BLOGS WILL NOT BE ADDED TO TAGLIST!
Thomas Shelby felt confident in his growing territory and power in Birmingham. Most, if not all of Small Heath was under his control and his expansion into London was going well albeit Sabini and Campbell were a large pain in the ass.
But he knew soon enough he would be rid of them.
He had been sitting in his office, smoking his millionth cigarette and hearing Lizzie speaking on the phone when John and Arthur had come in, dirty grins on their faces as they closed his door.
"There's a new club that's popped up", John had said, toothpick between his teeth.
"New clubs pop up all the time, John", Tommy said.
"Not like this one. These girls take their clothes off", Arthur chimed in. "And they dance with a pole."
"A bloody pole?" Tommy had scoffed at the mention. "How the bloody hell are these women dancing with a pole?"
"Have to go check it out to see", Arthur had replied with a cheeky grin. "From what we've heard, this club had been making money. No ties to any gangs either."
It was a sight to see inside The Scarlet Letter, women adorned in expensive lingerie, their hair adorned in pinned curls and lips painted a deep red, but what was interesting was they work masks that concealed half their face. Literal poles were scattered throughout the place, a barmaid and bartender maned two bars on either side of the place, both busy; sofas and booth seats surrounded some of the poles, paritions in certain parts of the building.
He noticed a few heavy built men guarding certain areas, Tommy realizing they were hired help for the women.
"Mr. Thomas Shelby", a voice boomed. "What a surprise to be seeing the Peaky Blinders in my establishment!"
A tall, red-headed woman walked up to them with a large grin. Tommy could tell she was the boss of the establishment by how the people moved around and how she walked towards them.
"Hello", Tommy greeted. "Heard the buzz about your establishment. Came to see what it was all about."
"Well, the Peaky Blinder boys are always welcome in my establishment", the woman said, "my name is Cherry Johnson, I run this joint."
Her accent was heavily American, New York if Tommy had to guess.
"But I have some ground rules any newcomers need to know for my girls: Number 1, my girls aren't whores. They aren't here to perform no services outside dancing so if that's what you're here for go find one of the whores outside. Number 2, my girls are masked. No removing their masks at all time. And Number 3, no harassing my girls."
"Don't worry", Tommy reassured, looking at his brothers. "We'll be on our best behavior."
"Wonderful!" Cherry said with a clap of her hands. "I'm bringing my best girls for you three! Come, best seat in the house for you three!"
Dancing made her feel free.
It made her feel in control.
And the money that it brought it wasn't a negative thing either.
Was it odd for her to enjoy dancing on a pole, taking off her clothes and dancing on men?
Maybe.
But Y/N felt reassured in the masks that they (the dancers) were allowed to wear.
Y/N ran the red lipstick over her lips, smacking her lips together to get the the color saturated onto her lips. The eyelash extensions she had glued on for the evening tying the whole look together as she made sure to careful wipe away any excess around her mouth just as the boss came in.
"Ladies", she boomed, "We got some big customers outside. Make sure to put on your best performances!"
Cherry was a good boss, always fair to them and making sure they were safe, she only had them dance or perform lap dances, never forcing them to go any further.
Cherry came over to her as Y/N was about to fix the mask on, "Y/N, do you mind taking on a particular client here?"
"What client?" she asked as she adjusted the mask and tied the ribbon to secure it.
She saw Cherry grin in the mirror, "Thomas Shelby. Told him I'd send him only the best of my girls."
Everyone had heard of Thomas Shelby, of the Peaky Blinders so she looked at Cherry with a little frown, her lips curled a little.
"He's an obvious big tipper, darling", Cherry said, Y/N sighed.
"Fine", Y/N said as she adjusted her corset. "But he better know the rules."
Cherry grinned even bigger if that was even possible.
"Don't worry, I made sure he understood the rules."
Y/N waited behind the curtain, pushing her hair behind her shoulders as she waited for her arrival to be announced. They switched dancers every hour or so, changing sets and outfits, working the floor and private dances. She noticed that her two other co-workers, Babydoll and Lovely, were up next with her on the big stage.
"Hey there, Little Darling", Lovely said with a grin. "Heard the boss gave you some big fish to entertain."
"I just hope he isn't stingy with the tips", Y/N said as she heard Cherry begin to announce them.
Tommy leaned back in the plush velvet chair that was in front of the large stage, Arthur and John on either side of him as he inspected the area. Cherry had told him that she was sending one of her best girls to dance for him, the crowd favorite.
"Next up we got Lovely, Babydoll and your favorite... Little Darling!" Cherry announced to the eager crowd.
Tommy put his cigarette between his lips as he noticed the anticipation in John and Arthur, the eagerness in their bodies; Tommy wondered where Esme thought John was as she came out, a intricate corset and stockings piece with a garter on one plush thigh adorned her body. Pinned curls framed her masked face with those blood red, plump lips and sultry, bedroom lidded eyes that were just calling to him.
He didn't even notice his brothers be captivated by her or the other two dancers as she approached the pole, a sensual dance performed in front of him as she moved in a way he had never witnessed before. He noticed other patrons throwing... pounds? at them, the women sensually grabbing the bills and stuffing them into the attire.
"C'mon Tommy", John said, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him a little. "Let loose a little already."
His brothers were throwing notes onto the stage, Little Darling making a show of grabbing them and stuffing them into the corset with a wink. She was like a seductress on the stage, moving with the music, performing acrobatic moves on the pole, it amazed him so as he light another cigarette and placed it in his mouth, he reached into his inner coat pocket, grabbing some bills into his hand.
Little Darling gave him a seductive smile, moving from the pole and getting to her knees, begin to crawl towards him till she reached the end of the stage where he was; she tilted her head a little before she leaned forward, making a show of grabbing his hand that held the bills and guiding it to stuffing the bills into the front of her corset where her tits were.
She winked at him before blowing him a kiss.
She was captivating.
She was like a succubus calling to him.
He had to know her...
Y/N made a good amount of money from her dancing on the stage, counting the pounds that were thrown before passing it to Cherry to take her part.
"Good show out there, N/N", Cherry said, handing her back the money she earned. "You got a private dance with a Mr. Shelby."
Y/N nodded, rolling her shoulders back before making sure her makeup was still good before heading to one of the private rooms.
Walking into one of the private rooms, she saw him there; the dimly light room only seemed to work in the man's favor, adding to the feeling of danger that already existed in the room. He had his cap off, it resting on one of the side tables in the room as he blew out a smoke of nicotine from his lips.
"Cherry tells me you're called Little Darling", Tommy said as she closed the door behind her.
"I am", she answered as she slowly walked towards them.
"Quite the performance you put on."
She moved to straddle his lap, draping her arms his shoulders with a lazy grin on her face.
"I could see you enjoyed it, very much."
She stared into his piercing blue eyes, she could see the lust swirling in his eyes as she begun to move her hips.
"I did", Tommy answered, putting a cigarette to his lips. "Was I not meant to?"
Y/N reached between his lips and plucked his cigarette from his lips. She brought the cigarette between her lips, her painted lips marking the butt as she blew out some smoke.
"No, you were."
She placed the lipstick-stained cigarette back between his lips with a sultry grin as she moved off his lap.
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Note = This chapter is based on an anonymous suggestion about Ana craving fish and chips and Tommy going to get it despite being annoyed. So whoever you are...I hope you enjoy it. Happy Friday.Â
It had been a few days since that evening in the betting shop. Both John and Arthur couldn't believe that my parents agreed to 'sell' me to settle a debt. That was the thing about the Shelby family, they were quite progressive when it came to women and the idea of selling someone off against their will disgusted them.
As the news fell, Â I could see the turmoil behind Arthur's eyes â instantly blaming himself once again.
I hadn't heard from either brother since Tommy had sent them off on a stakeout to make sure that the voice I heard matched up to the face they were able to see. The only issue was that had to enter enemy territory, therefore they would have to move without getting caught otherwise â war.
It was late in the evening when Tommy returned home, a stoic look on his face as he whipped the peaked cap from his head, hanging it on the hook along with his coat. He nodded his head in my direction as he passed, opening the cupboard to pull out his glass and pouring a hefty measure of the brown liquid.
"Long day?" I asked, circling the rim of my tea cup with my finger. I could feel the tension in him the minute he walked through the door.
"It was." He responded flatly, looking ahead towards the bedroom, the gears in his head still churning, never stopping.
"Do you want something to eat?" I asked, standing to my feet, taking the now empty cup with me, and moving next to him, his woody yet smoky scent filling my nose as I placed the cup into the sink.
"No, I'm alright. Have you eaten?" He asked, eyes flickering over to me.
"Not yet." I shook my head, reaching out to take the glass from his hand, placing it on the table, and stepping into his space, resting my hands on his chest, simply enjoying his closeness.
"Why?"
"Why haven't you?" I challenged back, pushing my hands up until they lay on his shoulders. Glancing down to watch my hands I noticed a red stain on the collar of his shirt.
Furrowing, I took the fabric into my hand, rubbing it between my fingers. Not moving. Swallowing back, my eyes slowly made their way back up to his eyes. They were watching me intently, a coldness in them sent a shiver down my spine.
I felt my breathing stop as the realisation hit me.
Nodding, I cleared my throat, offering Tommy a small smile before stepping away from him, putting my arms around myself as I thought about what he has done. It had to be done. He was protecting me, at least that was what I would tell myself.
Walking towards the sofa, I sat down, taking the paper in my hands reading over the headlines to distract myself from the truth.
"I did it for you."
"Can you take off the shirt? I can try and get the stain out but it may be a lost cause at this point." I answered, glancing over toward him. "I'll be going shopping with Esme in the morning so I will pick up a new shirt."
"Did you make it hurt?" I asked, closing my eyes at the tingling feeling rushing through my body due to his loving touches.
Unsure of what to say, Tommy simply nodded. His nimble fingers worked the buttons of his waistcoat removing it along with his jacket with a sigh.
Moving to walk past me, he placed a soft kiss on the top of my head, a hand resting on my shoulder.
"To an extent." He replied, pulling away to unbutton the white shirt.
Turning around to face him, I kneeled on the sofa, reaching a hand out to pull him closer to me, undoing a few buttons myself. Â "Will they know it was you?"
"No." His answer was short, quick. "Arthur and John are dealing with the body. It will look like a mugging gone wrong."
"Okay" I nodded, looking up at him through my eyelashes. "Probably best we burn this shirt, limit any suspicion."
"Agreed" Tommy nodded, pulling the white fabric from his shoulders revealing his long sleeve undershirt.
Throwing the shirt on the back of the sofa, he walked around the sofa towards the fireplace, nudging the dulling embers with the poker before throwing on more coal and bringing it to light once more.
Standing to his feet he patted down the remains of the coal on his trousers, reaching a hand out for me to pass him the shirt. Taking the material in my hands our fingers grazed as I passed it along, watching the entire thing burn once Tommy tossed it on the burning fire.
"You need to eat Stace," Tommy spoke, bringing my attention away from the fire. He stood before me, hands resting on his hips, eyes looking down at my sitting position.
"I know but I don't want to cook." I sighed, playing with the material of my dress.
"Then let's go out for dinner eh? You deserve it"
******
Looking over the menu, I couldn't help but sigh nothing was grabbing my attention. My mind continuously went back to the local fish and chip shop a few streets back, the smell had my mouth watering and my stomach grumbling. But Tommy wanted to treat me, so I kept my mouth shut.
"What are you thinking?" Tommy asked next to me.
The waiter instantly recognised Tommy when we walked through the door. He had sat us towards the back of the restaurant, in a booth far away from anyone else, giving us privacy.
There were plenty of opinions on the menu, chicken, beef, fish you name it, they had it. But it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted dirty and greasy food tonight.
"Uhm, I don't know." I forced out a smile. Nights like this were rare, I didn't want to ruin the moment between Tommy and me. I was determined to enjoy it.
"What about you?" I asked, glancing over at him. He wasn't even looking at the menu he was rolling an unlit cigarette along his lips â his eyes taking in the environment around him.
"A smoke and a whiskey will do me love."
"Tommy that isn't much of a meal" I huffed out a breath of annoyance but there was no point in arguing with him when he was like this.
The waiter returned with a smile, asking if we were ready to order, to which Tommy looked over at me expectantly. "Do you need a few more moments Ma'am?"
"Oh um no, no IâŠ" I stumble over my words before something fell from my lips. "Chicken, yeah the ah spring chicken please."
"And for you Sir?"
"More whiskey." Tommy titled his quickly emptying glass towards the waiter who simply nodded, writing it down on his little pad before disappearing. "What going on in that pretty little head?"
"Nothing." I smiled, sneaking a peak at him while my fingers rubbed the hemlines of the cotton napkins. "This place is nice."
"Do you like it?" Tommy asked, nodding thanks to the waiter once he returned with a large glass of whiskey. "Honestly?" A smile grew on the sides of his lips, it was like he could read me like the chapters of his favourite book.
"It is definitely a date night place to be." I nodded, returning the smile.
Leaning over to him I waited until he exhaled the smoke from his mouth before pressing a soft kiss to his lips, staying there a little longer before pulling away completely.
âThank youâÂ
"You are welcome." Tommy nodded, puffing heavily on the cigarette. "But you don't have to thank me."
"I want to, I know how busy you are Tommy and it's little moments like this that make me smile."
"Is that right eh?" He smirked, noticing the redness of my cheeks. I wasn't embarrassed admitting my feelings to Tommy, quite the opposite. I rather loved him knowing how he made me feel. It got me all hot and bothered inside.
"You know I love you right."
"You remind me every morning and night."
"Does that bother you?"
"Don't ever stop," Tommy confirmed, leaning across and pressing his lips tightly against mine. His hand rested on the back of my head, deepening the kiss when the young waiter returned with my dinner, forcing us apart.
"Thank you"
"Anything else please don't be afraid to let me know."
******
"Don't you like it?" Tommy asked noticing how I was moving the food from one side of the plate to the other.
"No, it is. It's lovely" I nodded not a word of a lie. It was rather nice, beautiful in fact but it wasn't hitting the spot. It wasn't what the baby wanted. Â "Would you like a taste?"
"How long have we known each other Anastasia?" Tommy huffed out ignoring what I had asked as his hand reached up to wave at the waiter.
"Almost three years?" I answered, the question catching me off guard.
"Exactly" Tommy nodded at me, the waiter returning to the table with a nervous smile on his face. "We will be taking the chicken home."
Tommy had told the young waiter, who seemed speechless before him. With a quick nod of his head, he lifted my plate scurrying off towards the back to fulfill the request. Â
"Why did you do that?" I asked, afraid that I had upset him in some way. My brain worked overtime thinking of how I could have possibly done it within such a short space of time.
"Because." Tommy sighed, finishing the last of his whiskey before standing to his feet, and fixing the collar of his suit jacket around his neck. "You're not enjoying it."
"I'm sorry" I whimpered, feeling overcome with emotion.
Tommy's movements stopped as he looked over at me, tears in my eyes, my bottom lip quivering. Glancing over his shoulder he checked to see if something had caught my eye to upset me, not quite understanding where this show of emotion had come from.
"Why are you crying eh?" He asked softly, sliding back into the booth next to me, his soft hand came up to caress my face. Leaning into his touch, I tried in vain to stop the tears from falling from my eyes.
"You took me here so we could have a special night together and I ruined it."
"Jesus Stace, you didn't ruin anything." Tommy exhaled, the candlelight on the table catching the blue of his eyes. "but I know you, you weren't having a good time."
"Like you were?" I scoffed, reaching up and pushing aside a stray tear. "I don't know what's wrong with me Tom. I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for yeah?" Tommy rested his forehead against mine briefly before the sounds of footsteps pulled him away.
"Your food Mr. Shelby." The young waiter had returned, placing the chicken on the table, wrapped and ready to go. Tommy nodded his thanks, reaching into his trousers pocket and pulling out some notes, handing them over to the boy before waving him away.
"Come on, let's get you home."
Walking through the cold streets that were Birmingham, I wrapped the coat tighter around myself as Tommy guided me home, a gentle hand around my back as we moved around the late-night crowd.
I had to suppress an unsatisfied moan as we passed the fish and chip shop once more, my stomach almost growled at the smell. It was obvious what the baby had wanted. I had told myself that when Tommy returned to work later tonight, I would satisfy these cravings.
Returning home, I put my coat on the hook, giving Tommy a soft smile as I hoovered around him by the exit, waiting for him to tell me he was going to the betting shop.
"What's that look for?" He asked, removing the cap from his head, and holding it in his hands for a moment before shoving it into his coat pocket.
"Nothing." I shook my head, squinting at him.
"You sure?" Tommy chuckled, shrugging the coat from his shoulders.
"Are you not going to the betting shop tonight?"
"No, I told you Arthur and John are settling what needs to be done. I'm spending the evening with you."
"Oh"
"Oh?" Tommy repeated, placing his hands on my hips. "What? You want rid of me? You playing around Miss Adler?"
"No, God no Tommy I would never."
"Good"
"It's just I thought you would return to work like you always do," I answered carefully, using the softest tone I could muster. Tommy just stared through me, eyes squinting as if he could read my thoughts.
"What's going on?" Tommy asked, already growing bored of the back and forth between us.
"It's nothing" I tried to play off but he wasn't having it. His hands on my hips squeezed tighter, the expression on his face turning emotionless as he waited. "Well, I was going to go out and get something."
"What?"
"Doesn't ma-"
"Anastasia I swear to God I am notâŠ"
"I was going to that fish and chips place on Queen's road. The baby wants it real bad."
"The baby wants it?" Tommy asked, a smile pulling at his lips at the mention of his growing child.
"Yeah, we smelled it on the way to the restaurant. It smelled so good Tommy."
"If that was what you wanted why didn't you say something before eh?" Tommy asked with a deep sigh, his index finger and thumb coming up to pinch his nose, eyes closed in frustration.
"Because I didn't want to ruin your evening."
"It was your evening Stace." Tommy pointed out, throwing his hand from his face, reaching over to grab his jacket from the kitchen chair, throwing it around his shoulders, ready to brave the evening once more.
"I should have said something, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, you should have but don't be sorry." Tommy pointed his finger at me after he put his peaked cap over his head. "I'll be back soon." He nodded, pressing his lips against mine before disappearing out the door.
I couldn't stop the smile growing on my face at the thought of Birmingham's most feared gangster disappearing into the night to get me and our baby the food we had been craving all night. It was the little things that proved just how much Tommy loved me.
Taglist
@shelbyteller @seleneshelby @forgottenpeakywriter @babayaga67 @sweetmilkshakeluminary @slutforcoffein @sydneyyyya @happysparklingshadows @margew76  @midnightmagpiemama  @pierre-gasssllyy   @duckybird101
summary: tommy and the reader grew up together and were always really close. the reader always had feelings for tommy, but he only learns to return them when grace insults the reader and leaves the town.
warnings: angst, cursing,
important: request are open, you can send me anything you want <3 and no hate to grace, her character would never be this mean!!
authors note: part 2 đ part 3
text me or comment if you want to be added to my taglist for part 2 <3
there you were. you stood in front of the big building your childhood best friend would celebrate his wedding in. sounds wonderful, doesnât it? sadly you couldnât be too happy for him, because you were not the person he would marry. the real ceremony was already over and at the thought of tommy standing there in his expensive suit, watching grace walking down the aisle with the biggest of smiles, could make you throw up.
you felt like the most selfish person on earth for not being happy for him, but you couldnât bring yourself to put on a fake smile once again and acting like you wouldnât want to slap grace across her face. you knew the two faces of grace. you had always suspected her, since she suddenly showed up at the garrison acting like the new barmaid. and you still couldnât understand how tommy could trust her again after she betrayed him by spying on him.
luckily you were not the only person who mistrusted grace. polly couldnât understand either why tommy once again collected all his trust and gave it to her, but she still forced herself to be nice to her on their wedding day, for tommyâs sake. you and polly always got a long really well. since you were close with all the shelbys from a very young age you were practically in the family. tommy and you always were the closest, you would play and laugh together, when you were kids, but you could also cry on his shoulder when some boy broke your heart, wich would be beaten up by tommy within minutes after he would see you wasting tears on that âbastardâ
when the two of you were starting to grow up, your feelings for him would grow stronger. it was obvious to anyone but him and when he met grace, your whole world shuttered down on you. you were there for him when she left, when she betrayed him. comforted him, distracted him by taking him on horse rides like you would do as kids, you even made sure he ate enough, wich he never really did either way, but it got worse when grace left.
and now you stood just in front of the house, tommy would probably dance with grace right now, in. you felt like she was always jealous of your relationship with tommy, because whenever tommy was not around, she would make rude comments on how you look, âaccidentallyâ knocking of your hot cup of tea over your dress and laughing it off with her clumsiness, when tommy would enter the room, but you never said anything to tommy, thinking it was just her jealousy.
as you heard the loud music leaving the house in loud sounds, you considered just to go home and go to bed, to forget about this awful day, it wasnât like somebody would miss you here anyway. you were ripped out of your thoughts, as the big wood door opened and a face you were not pleased to see looked out of it. grace stepped outside and closes the door behind her. âwhy are you out here? you wouldnât want to miss the brides first dance, would you?â she asked, smiling devilish. you took a deep breath before answering. âitâs over grace. you won, arenât you happy now? why canât you finally leave me alone?â
grace looked at her for a few moments. âis that even a question? i did not win until i removed you out of tommyâs life. you think i donât notice your little crush on my husband, the way you look at him? i will not let you get through with seducing him this easily.â she said through gritted teeth. an angry expression on her face. âseducing him? grace i think you misunderstood, i never trie-â you were cut of by grace wrapping her hands around your throat and squeezing it tightly. you were in shook. âyou little whore listen to me: you stay away from my husband or i will make you leave myself. i do not want to see you around this town ever again, you understand me?â grace threatened in a low voice. her grip was so tight now, you couldnât breathe and barely see anymore. âgrace i ca-â you tried to say, before he let go of your throat in an abrupt movement. âthat was just a taste of what happens to you, if you disobey meâ she spat, before turning her heel and disappeared in the big house.
you leaned against the wall of the house and tried to collect your breath. your throat hurt and your mouth was dry. you waited for a few minutes before you left the wedding, to go to your apartment.
on the next day you entered the arrow house, hoping for your life you wouldnâtât stumble upon grace. you went to tommyâs office immediately and got through with nobody seeing you. you knocked on the door and entered, after hearing his deep voice say âcome inâ you closed the door behind yourself and looked at tommy, who was deep into some paperwork. when he looked up he looked a bit surprised. ây/n?â you sat on one of the chairs in front of his desk. âwhere were you yesterday? i was looking for you.â tommy said as soon as you sat down. âi wasnât feeling well so i left earlier to go to sleepâ you lied, keeping your head down. âoh, why didnât you-â he stopped for a second, taking a closer look at her. tommy rose to his feet before asking ây/n, whats that on your neck?â you looked up and were met with his icy eyes. âi-â you wanted to start but decided to take a deep breath first. âthatâs why iâm hereâ you than said and took your coat of, so tommy could now fully see the dark, purple bruises grace left on your neck.
âwhat happened, who did that?â he asked, now walking over to you with a worried expression on his face. you once a agin took a deep breath and started questioning your behavior, maybe you should have just left. no, tommy deserves to know the truth, it would be selfish to leave him here with her. this thought gave you braveness, so you answered âgraceâ
his worried expression changed to a confused and sceptic expression. âwhat?â he couldnât believe you. âtommy, i know this is hard to hear, but yesterday, i was outside your house to get some fresh air and then she game outside and threatened me what would happen, if i would talk to you again that i should leave the town. and then she did thisâ your hand gestured to your throat.
tommy looked at you for a few moments with an expression you couldnât read, before he let out a chuckle. you looked at him confused. âwhere did you get this from y/n? do you even hear yourself talking? grace would never hurt anyoneâ he said now leaning against his desk. âyes tommy, she would. look at my throatâ you told him, hoping he would believe you now. ây/n listen, i know my wife very well and i do know that she is not a fan of violenceâ he answered. you heard an undertone of annoyance in his voice.
âoh god tommy, this is what she does to you! she spied on you and you think she wouldnât lie to you again? she shot a man in front of you didnât she? i didnât ever understand how you trusted her again anyway after what she has done!â you were annoyed and also hurt that tommy didnât believe your words. you knew each other since they were babies and he trusts a strange woman, who spied on him more than you?
ây/n give me a fucking break! i know you and polly donât like her but polly could bring herself to be nice to her on her fucking wedding day so why canât you? how did you even get that bruise? did you have a hot night? is that what you are, a whore? i donât know what went through your head to tell me this bullshit, but maybe you should think about what your imaginary grace tells you to do and leave!â he raised his voice at you. ïżŒhe never rose his voice at you before, so you were shocked and also a little bit scared. tears were daring spill from your eyes and your whole body was shaking.
âtommy i-â you started, but he interrupted you soon. âwas i not clear enough for you? leave!â he spat. you never saw him this angry at you and it really terrified you. tommy sat back down on his chair and continued his paperwork. you wordlessly got up from your chair and left his office. you made your way out of the house quit, so nobody would notice your presence, before you let the tears spill when you got outside. on your way home you thought about were you could go, but nothing came to your mind. tommyâs angry voice still echoed through your head. when you were at home you grabbed your most important belongings and quickly went to the stables to get your horse, that tommy had given you for your last birthday. you greeted the beautiful, white stallion. after you saddled up you took a look to the streets. thankfully it was already dark outside, so one one would see you leaving.
on the next day tommy went to charlieâs strong yard and was greeted by curly mucking out some hay. âtommy, how are you?â he asked with his usual smile plastered over his face. âiâm good curlyâ he answered and went to stroke the mane of the grey race horse, that stood next to curly. âiâm really sorry about graceâ curly said while moving some hay out of the stable. tommy looked confused âwhat do you mean?â he asked. curly looked as confused as tommy looked. âdidnât you divorce?â he asked. tommyâs face went flustered. âwhat? no why would we divorce, we just marriedâ tommy said. âoh itâs just, i saw grace and y/n at your wedding. i donât know what happened between them, but i saw grace choking her. she nearly passed out. i thought she told you and you would have send grace away. i mean you were always so protective over y/n. but i probably misunderstood.â curly said. tommy froze. âi know, i would have helped her, iâm really sorry, but iâve been guiding a guest horse to the stables and it was acting crazy. have you seen y/n? i wanted to apologize to her personallyâ curly continued.
tommyâs heart stopped beating. y/n didnât lie to him. of course she didnât why would she? why didnât he believe her, he hadnât had any reason to mistrust her, but he had every reason to mistrust grace. how could he be this stupid. a wave of guilt washed over him, leaving goosebumps all over his body, when he saw your teary gaze in front of his inner gaze. he called her a whore for being choked. he felt disgusting.
âtommy? are you okay?â curly waved his hands in front of tommyâs face. he blinked a few times. âyes, iâm okay. i have to go nowâ he said while walking towards his black stallion. tommy made his horse gallop as fast as it could to get to your apartment. when he got there, he rushed up the stairs and knocked on your door. ây/n? itâs tommyâ he said and knocked again. âplease open the doorâ he asked while knocking on the door once again. you wouldnât open the door. tommy searched in his pockets for the spare key, you gave him when you moved in.
he unlocked the door and got into your apartment. he felt his heart in his chest breaking. the light was off, it looked so empty. the framed pictures you had all over your place were gone. he went into your bedroom to see your open and empty closet. he looked at your bookshelf. your favorite books were gone. âfuckâ he said to himself.
He gave one last glance and slowly closed the door,
A shiver went through you as you held your arms around yourself.
You sat on the chair behind you, Polly, and gave you a sorrowful look.
"Polly, why am I here? Why?" the tears fell.
"Because, watching and waiting for Thomas to call on you, assuming he's 'happily' married!"
"Isn't he?" you asked. Polly said, "well, he is married, but there isn't anyone around here that would say he is happy."
"But he is still married, happy or not!" you said, defyingly!
"i.m going home. I'll be on the early train back to London!"
And you did! Polly was upset that you were leaving and tried to get you to stay. You refused! You were gone before anyone else knew it and before Tommy could stop you!
Tommy went to Polly's house to find you, "where's Y/N, Polly?" Polly had no choice but to tell him everything. You're love for him and her little scheme of matchmaking and that you left back to London!
He was not pleased! He said nothing and turned towards his Bently. "where are you going?" Polly shouted from the doorstep! Tommy yelled back, "where do you think?"
He left in his car, it took him longer to get to London for him than it did for you! By the time he found out you had left it was already sundown and raining!
Meanwhile, you had your bath and a good cry! you put on your most comfortable nightgown made of white cotton with a warm fluffy robe. It was the same icy blue color as Tommy's eyes! You finally curled up on the sofa with your tea and a book, trying to separate yourself from your reality even if it was just for a few minutes.
Out of the blue, you hear banging on the door, it startled you from your thoughts. You spilled your tea and dropped your book!
You walked to the door and asked, "who is it?"
You would never open the door without asking. "Open the door, Y/N!" You heard that deep voice behind the door and knew who it was. You only opened the door three inches, Tommy said, "Can we talk?"
"You could have called me why are you here?" You asked, looking at the floor.
"you can't hang up on me." He said with a tiny curl of his lips.
"Okay, so talk," you said with trepidation.
"Polly told me everything," he said.
You rolled your eyes and said, "great, so what do you want from me?"
Well, I want you to come back." He gave you a soft look with his head tilted.
(Damn it, Tommy, why did you have to look at me like that?)
"Please open the door, let me in and we can talk."
What's to talk about, Tommy?" you said, as your voice cracked a little. You stepped back away from the door without actually widening it. Tommy stepped in still dripping wet from the rain. You sat back in the original spot you were sitting in earlier. You gestured to Tommy to sit down in the chair. He took off his wet hat and sat it on the floor next to the fireplace along with his coat and sat down. He sat forward and rested his forearms on his thighs, folded his hands, and turned his head to look at you.
You looked at each other in the eyes, you felt the moths in your tummy grow into seagulls, you were afraid to ask..." So, why are you here, Tommy?"
Summary: Y/N is the definition of ordinary. Studying at a medical school as far as she can get from her rainy hometown of Birmingham, she never expected to be shipped off the Flanders when the war was at itâs peak. Much less to meet a handsome young patient with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes she had seen in her life who as fate would have it would fall into her lap.
Wordcount: 6415Â (Iâm busy as hell with studying so I decided to publish the chapter I was writing as two shorter parts, this is the first so calm down that the endingâs pretty shit, I am going to resolve it with the next chapter and itâs allllllll gonna be chill).Â
Warnings:Â poorly written ANGST. Youâre all gonna hate hate me for this one, looking directly at you @captivatedbycillianmurphy.
And so the months came and went through the grey streets of Small Heath like the shadow of some endless night, ebbing and flowing with the tides of time, and for the first time in your life the world did not change at all. Only the warmer days warned you that this long winter could not last forever, and all of a sudden it was over and the days were longer, bright with the flowers that came to the bakery door every morning. You gave them with the bread as you made your rounds past houses where every day the memories came creeping back, softer and sweeter and there was no pain here anymore. And in the evenings there was dancing in the upstairs rooms of the pub, you and Ada and a million dresses laid around the chairs and bed and mirror as you spun and dipped into the ecstatic dream of freedom. You were a child again, and all the world was yours once more and he was not a part of it anymore and that was just fine.
It would be a lie to say that you did not think of him, but it was only in the late nights when it was just you and your candle, looking out over the buildings at the trains as they wound away, a path you didn't take and would spend forever wondering what might have happened if you had. And when the spring fell away to summer you saw again the sunsets on the city that pulled you to the rooftop so many times before, wide-eyes wondering at the world you had not seen, ghosts of former lovers hanging onto your sleeve as you spread your arms like wings to fly away and knew you never could. Never would, because for the first time you could see no world but here outside your windows, and it suited you just fine.
And there was you and Ada, and you and Polly, and sometimes you and John, sitting and having tea in the summer sunlight, chasing round the market in your shawls and coats and painting in your mind all the colours of the apples and carrots and plums like they meant everything in the world to you. No blood, not even in those nights when you could hear the guns ringing through the darkened streets and wondered almost where Small Heath ended and your tortured mind began, the memories of a war half-left behind and somehow never left. You were safe and you were happy, and everything was going to be just fine.
Polly was opening up to you more and more as the winter melted away; by summer she was your mother, clasping your hands in hers and telling you to be wise and brave and sure of all you did, and all your stories were hers to read and note and read again whenever she saw your face and it was strangely comforting to see her everyday the same, even when she knew. She knew you, knew all you did and all you had done, and every time she looked at you there was no fear at all, and you wished for nothing more. Ada had become a friend and then a sister, she came to you at night when she could not bear to be alone with all the gunshots pounding out from their street and you both knew you'd never ask, never force her to tell what was best left unspoken, out of sight and out of mind. And there were the days when you returned to the church and there was John with your father in the little kitchen where the sun never seemed to reach all the way through the window, and you could not remember laughing as much as you did in those afternoons alone together when there was no world at all outside of your window and nothing at all between you and him.
And soon July was ending, and you were sitting in the Garrison as usual, only now the sunlight was warm and calming on your face, streaming in in glorious waterfalls of melted gold through the front windows and bathing you in soft yellow glow. The room was silent, as it often was these days as the three girls sat thoughtfully, staring into your teacups and smiling softly, lethargically. These long summer days brought hot nights, the town shimmering in balmy heat and all the world  a little crazier. There were fights in the evenings, hot blood on hot stone. Each night you hurried home a little earlier to find your away from the bubbling anger of the Garrison, where blood boiled by the bar. There was a storm brewing in the distance, dark and ominous as the clouds of cold autumn rain that hovered now in the early mornings, watchful as the eyes of God, and summer had lasted too long.
At the sound of the door flung open, all three heads jerked up, the comfortable silence shattering instantly as the room was filled with heavy footsteps, the screech of the door where the oil had dried up in the heat of days gone by. Into the room there came a crowd of men in sharp grey suits and the familiar flat-cap, brims glittering and you really meant to ask what there was about it that made you so uneasy.
"And make sure it's done by tomorrow, mind. We're not exactly rolling in spare time."
And there he was, the crowd clearing around him and all you saw was him in front of you, beautiful as the moment you had left and he was so beautiful it took your breath away. And you thought you might cry, your eyes fixed on him and your cup of tea dropped back into its saucer on the table, and then his eyes met yours and suddenly he knew.
"Go." he waved a hand and the men went, just like that, and Ada reached out to touch your arm and you held her hand tight, holding her in place because if you were left here, alone once more with him as though no time had passed at all, you weren't entirely sure what you'd do.
"Tommy," it slipped out of your mouth, a whisper so weak he might not have heard it, but he did and his eyes were so cold. His face hard as stone and crueller still than that cold winter spent without him and without even his letters, promised as they were. The way he looked at you, you thought you might never have met him at all, for in those brilliant blue eyes there was an icy hatred you had never seen before, cold as the grave and unfeeling as he stared you down, willing you to speak or willing you to leave, you knew not which. Looking on at him in the hope of a sign, something small to tell you that this was indeed the same man who had kissed you on the train station, promised you a lifetime you knew he could not give, it tore you apart to know that you did not recognise this man at all.
"(Y/N)." he spoke finally, voice flat and disinterested as if you were just another business proposal that he had no care to consider, the least wonderful thing he had seen all day. He remembered you - for a moment you had wondered if any of this had ever been real, if he simply did not know you at all, and in a way this was so much worse. He knew you, and even you could tell from his detached expression that he did not love you. "I wasn't expecting you."
"Yeah, I gathered." through the agonising sadness that was pounding in your head and in your heart and ripping you into pieces there came a rush of bitterness, anger because hadn't he said that he would write to you until he could find you again, and wasn't he here in front of you now, a little taller and a whole lot crueller than the last time you had met? You let your hand slip out of Ada's and she and Polly stood quietly and disappeared into the backrooms. It was only you and him now, along with all the universe in between.
"So where've yer been?"
"In the hospital. Some of us couldn't leave." you muttered, breaking eye contact and taking in the pub, suddenly aware that where you had been waiting for this one moment since the moment he had left, now you would rather be anywhere on earth but here with him. This was anything but the sweet reunion you had dreamed it to be in all those lonely nights in the hospital and the days when you couldn't help but see his face in every beautiful thing around, and he was anything but the sweet man you had fallen so in love with in those days when you could almost forget that love was there at all, so hateful was the world behind you.
"And now you're back. Funny how the world turns out." he sounded so much like his aunt had, that first day when she was so far from you, reading you like you could fall apart before her, your deepest secrets spilling unto her watchful eyes, and you wondered could he see himself written upon your aching soul the way you could feel it each night, eating you alive? And if you never learned from him, waited for him forever and became only the shreds of how his love had left you on that dreadful day on the platform, would he see that too? Or were you now too far away for him to find you, as you feared he was to you.
"I'm not back for you." but yes you were, and both of you knew it. Your footsteps would always lead you back to him, unknowing as you were as you followed blindly into the pits of destiny's shame. You were here for him, and if you stayed you'd do that for him too. "You'd know if you'd written."
"And why would I do that?"
And there it was, the great and terrible blow that sent you reeling, his voice so harsh it cut into you with all the force his love had never borne for you. You laughed bitterly, and when you looked at him again all you saw was the cold and broken body of a man who had once loved and now could love no more. He never wrote, he never loved, was there anything this man could do? A kinder girl than you might have pitied him, but after everything you had done in these last years you were so much more than kind. You were proud, and you were furious.
"Because there was a part of me that was so sure you loved me." your voice broke at that, and you prayed he wouldn't notice. He did, of course he did, he was Thomas Shelby and he noticed everything he could use to his own gain and suddenly you were realising that, but only after you had become yet another ploy he had slipped into his hands so easily. He had smiled at you and you used to feel special, but now you only felt like prey. You had been sure he loved you, just like you were sure that summer would come once the winter melted away, and that the sun would rise each morning and chase away the night, the simple certainties of nature, but now all you knew was that this winter was going to last a very long time, and the sun would be a long time rising. Outside the Garrison window the sun had passed behind a cloud; the room was quiet and grey, the colour gone away.
"Don't be ridiculous." he grinned like his aunt, cold and cruel and utterly malicious, but there was no softness behind his eyes like you had caught in hers, and it made you shiver despite the warmth of the days. This was not the man you knew, but this was the man you had always feared he might become, for this was the man that you had seen a million times before in the faces as they returned from the war, older now and irrevocably changed.
"More ridiculous than running away and never having the fucking nerve to write so much as one letter to explain?!" your voice was higher, louder than you had expected, thick with furious emotion that threatened to overwhelm you as you stood so close to him, throwing your hands up as you shouted. You took a moment to breathe, in then out, then turned to him slowly, words appearing in your head already steady and emotionless, the worst things you could think and you knew you had to say them now or else you'd see them every time you closed your eyes, taunting and true. "You know, I thought you were a fool, but I never took you to be a coward."
He straightened, squaring up and his jaw locking, and in that moment the last shred of the man you had loved finally fell away, and in the man it left behind you wondered how many people he had killed. He had that easy malice that made you think he'd lost count. "Watch it."
"Or what? Far as I've gathered, you don't care about me at all. Don't see why we should change that, now should we?" you were taunting him now, stepping closer to hiss it against the hot skin of his throat and you could still see the faint lines of scars you'd dressed, out of place as though they were not his past at all, stolen words from someone else's love-story and wasted in his tale of woe. Tommy Shelby was a poet, Thomas Shelby a murderer.
"You shouldn't be here." he gritted his teeth, breathing out through his nose and biting back the anger that was burning through his face and fists and every cell in his body. You were so close he could almost taste the soft, sweet perfume you had always used in those empty days in the hospital when you were the only thing keeping him from going insane, his saving grace and now you were before him and against him and you had never hated him so much before.
"Oh really? And where, pray tell, should I be? Sticking it out in an empty hospital after the war has fucking ended in the hopes that you would write so much as once?!" you tried not to cry, tried not to scream as it hit you all over again that you had stayed there, long after you could have left, could have been done with all the blood and all the torture you put up with for him. War was hell and you had walked through it gladly, past turning back, past reason, because once he'd asked you to and now he only left you there to burn. You stepped back, pushing him hard with one hand and he caught you by the wrist, holding you in place, feeling your heart beating strong and fast and knowing you were real.
"It's not fucking safe here." he muttered under his breath and you wrenched your hand away, turning around and grinning like a madman, all your anger, all the rage that had been boiling in you for all these months alone finally rushing up through your head and into your mouth, thick and sour and burning like the hot summer sun inside you.
"I was in a fucking war! Don't you fucking dare tell me what's safe and what isn't!" now you were screaming, shoving him and swearing like the rest of the house couldn't hear you, or simply didn't matter. All that was gone now, only you and him and how much you could hurt him before he would push back. You couldn't help but think of when you'd loved him endlessly, you and him and, far away, the nurses knowing nothing, and now there was only hate. Â
"Oh you were in the war, were you?!" and he was angry, angrier than you had seen him, even in those days when vengeful fate was crushing his broken body in the hospital bed a million miles away. He was burning, the fire behind his eyes brighter than you had ever seen it before, and you wondered if he had ever loved so furiously, so strong it brought the gods to tears and how beautiful he might have been if he had had a heart at all. "Funny, as far as I could see you were just some middle-class university girl playing at doctors and pretending she wasn't just kidding herself she was actually important to someone!"
And then the silence, the awful waiting as you looked at him, tried not to cry as the tears welled in your eyes and he had never been so lovely as he was when you could not see him at all. In the blur of all the pain he sent your way, you could almost kid yourself he was the man you'd thought he'd been. But he was ruthless, he was cold, and you saw it in his eyes that all those medals, all the stories, had made a sense you'd never seen before. The war was won by men like him and all the awful things they did.
"Get out." you could not find the voice within you that you had had before, only the hoarse whisper that shook and broke with that sad hate that you thought would last forever.
"It's my fucking pub!" he threw up his hands. You stood still another moment, breathing deep and shaking with the rage that coursed through you, livid as the summer heat and bright as all those nights alone when you wondered if you would ever see him again. You almost wished you hadn't.
"If I ever see you again, I'll fucking kill you, Thomas Shelby." You reached for the frame of the open door, looking out into the street as you heard him laugh, insidious and dreadful as the winter creeping in, behind you in the pub. Your voice was steady, your words heavy with a truth that both of you could see, and there was not a part of you that doubted that you would, you really would. This town had got to you, and you were not like you were before. Things were so very different. You couldn't help but take one last look at him, praying that he could see what he had made of you and knowing he had eyes only for himself.
"If you think I'm coming after you then you're very much mistaken, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)." and there was that emptiness in his eyes that made you think you weren't going to see him again, and you were just fine with that.
"So dark and brooding. You know, I think I might have loved you for that. But now? Right now I just think you're pathetic. Someday you'll come home and there'll be no one there anymore. Â And I think you're fucking terrified. Come after me or don't, just know I won't be waiting." the last words dropped to a choked sob, a curse upon him and upon this whole damned town, pull you together as it was always made to do. Your uncle once told you that when you loved someone, really loved them, every road would lead you back to them, and now all you wanted to do was set fire to every last brick until the whole city went up in flames. If your fate was written, so help you you would find the book and not rest until you had pulled each last word from its cruel pages.
As you stormed out of the Garrison, teeth gritted to try and stifle the tears that pricked at your eyes, you slammed into someone. Apologising and trying to make them out through teary eyes, all you could see was a smudge of blonde hair, a slim figure and a pretty green dress. You rolled your eyes and slid past her. You had spent too long in the neighbourhood to ask her what she was doing here. You thought you'd rather not know.
You didn't entirely know where your footsteps were leading you - not to the church, with its false pity and God still falser, the secrets in the crypts that whispered to you your life was empty, loveless. Nor to the bakery, with your aunt's loving arms and the hatred you would leave at the door. You didn't want to leave it; you wanted to feel it coursing in your blood, hot and true like nothing you had felt for months. It was only when your world came whirling in a rush that you knew it turned at all, and it was only when your heart was pulsing to explode that you know it beat at all. All these months, thinking you were barely alive, but now you knew. You were, and you would remain forever, very much alive and very vengeful indeed.
Without knowing it entirely, your footsteps lead instead to the Cut, the abandoned warehouses where you had used to hide in years gone by, waiting excitedly for your aunt and uncle as they came home from work in the early evening, baskets of bread and sweets for you as you ran out into their arms. Sitting on the riverbank, looking down into the distorted reflection of your face upon the water, you wondered if you could close your eyes and have it all gone. You had never asked for this, you had never wanted this. Boys, men, the endless heat of this godforsaken city, a grim horizon that you had never seen looming before you, and now here you were at the ends of the world as you knew it and you had nowhere left to go. Leave the town and leave it all unfinished the way you swore you never would again, or stay and fight and know that nothing would ever be quite as good as it was in that other, sweeter, eternity.
The water-line was low, and you slipped off your shoes and stockings, dipping your legs into the river as you shook your hair out of its plait and breathed out. It was calm here, calmer than anything else in this tumultuous city where every silence carried a hundred thousand words you couldn't begin to understand. France was simple, but France was far away, and you knew there was more than just a sea between you now.
You weren't going to cry - not here, not in front of all the world you could not see, waiting in the dockyards because work never stopped in this city of dust and ashes. Instead you threw a stone at the gentle grey water, felt the cool splash against your burning skin, tried to breathe when screaming came so easy, blinked and blinked again as your vision swam in watery uncertainty, felt the emotion draining out of you and fading away into the heat all around. You weren't prepared for this, any of this.
It was childish to expect that nothing would have changed, that you would come back and everything would be the way he had promised it would be from the window of the train as it carried him away. War was nothing more than a bleak and empty promise by men who knew no better way to kid themselves that they would be just fine, and his words could do no better. But what were you meant to do when he was there and he had been so beautiful, and now all you felt was shame. You hated him for everything he said and did, hated him for leaving and for coming back and for being there at all, but most of all you hated yourself for doing what you did. You knew even then that if love were ever real in this land of hate and death, then that was and would ever be the closest you would come.
Wrapped in your fantasies of love and life left behind, you didn't notice the footsteps behind you until they had stopped beside you on the muddy riverbank, the hem of the floral dress swirling in the gentle breeze.
"Rough day." the soft voice you knew, the voice that had got you into this mess because you didn't know when to walk away. There was a time to be brave and a time to call it quits, and you had missed that point a long time ago.
"Jesus Ada, give me some warning." you murmured, more to yourself than to her as she sat beside you. You'd known she would come after you - the whole town must know by now, a million voices in the streets with your name on everyone's lips and suddenly you knew what a fool you'd been to try and keep it secret. This was the last thing that was truly yours and now they knew, now the things you'd carried with you like the last chance you might someday get out of here, spilling out into the river as you grabbed at memories of the way he'd kissed you as he'd left you, the way he'd loved you when you'd thought he really did. This was the worst thing that could happen, and this was the way you dealt with it. You didn't think you had the life within you to run away again.
"I was worried about yer." she was looking at you, but you couldn't quite brig yourself to meet her eyes. Beautiful eyes, so deep and brown, nothing like her brother's at all. She didn't look liker her brother: she looked kind. She looked like she cared, and you knew that was the most dangerous thing of all.
"The whole world is worried about me." You sighed slowly, gazing out across the river at the bird wheeling around the tired beams of the warehouses not so far away. You were tired, tired of secrets and tired of your tiny little life, so big until right now. You'd spent so long thinking you'd never be big enough to fill the aching void of all the lives that you could live, and now the walls were pressing in and suddenly you were big and bad and filled with righteous anger. You were tired of Shelby's and tired of Birmingham and tired of the world beyond the grimy walls because nothing you could ever do would shout louder than the fact that even when you ran away you had never left at all. Everything you did was kept within this damned neighbourhood, and you thought it wasn't any wonder they murdered as they did, because here was Earth and here was Hell, and Heaven was not there at all.
You chuckled bitterly, tears stinging at the back of your eyes, hot with summer rage and the aching in your hands that longed to hit him for what he had done to you and longed for the justice that would come after. The man you loved, he would kill you for sure, for these were men who ruled a world of blood and death and your sweet Tommy was their god. You curled you hand into a tight fist around the smooth rock you held, and threw it into the water just to watch it sink.
"I didn't know." Ada's quiet voice shook you, brought you to her as it always did, and you turned to face her, to see the pity as it overwhelmed her pretty face. She pitied you, the child of pain and fate, she had seen what she had seen and she pitied you most of all, and for all these dreadful things you cried at least for that. What beautiful sins had her brother done that made her so unhappy, made him so damn cold?
"Because I never told you." you shook your head at her. You never told her, you never told a soul, because this was yours and yours alone. Yours to dream and yours to cherish, the one last thing about this goddamn town that no one else could know, the most beautiful moments of your whole life because sometimes you could close your eyes and pretend that he didn't exist at all, that it was all inside your head and the world would never have to know. No one would ever have to know.
"I wish yer'd told me. I could've-" she took your hands desperately, clasping them between her own and begging you, scanning you over like she had never known you at all. You wondered if she really blamed you for never telling her about you, about her brother. She didn't, she wouldn't; she had her secrets and you had yours and the rest of the world had its own, and no one seemed to know anyone these days. Not really, not anymore.
"The damage is done. There's nothing left to say." you slipped your hands out of her hands, smiled at her sadly as she grasped at words to say. There were no words to say, you'd said them all. Your words were crashing in the main room of the Garrison, filling the air until there was not air to breathe, and here the world was empty and you thought she might just catch a glimpse of your darkest soul if she looked hard enough, if she were looking hard enough. With shaking hands you took a cigarette out of your pocket, lit it and took a deep pull and passed it to her, lighting another for yourself.
"You 'aven't said anything at all." she pressed, and you knew she wanted to know a little more, and you also knew she deserved to know a lot more, but truly you weren't ready. She deserved the truth but no one got the truth, not when lies were so much more beautiful and so much more kind. The truth was only for those who had the wealth and confidence to not care what the truth was at all, for soldiers in the trenches and for politicians in their stony towers. It was 1919 and the truth was obsolete.
"I don't think I ever will." your voice was dreamy, and your heart far away. You thought you might have dropped it somewhere in the river that last morning, poured it into your coffee and left it there in the square as his face was already fading. What need had you of a heart if he would not let you love him as you did, if he tore it out and left you bleeding every time he looked your way with those cold dead eyes you loved more than life. There were no words to describe Tommy Shelby, and no feelings with which to do him justice, and even now your petty anger paled before him. It was like shooting at the tides and trying to stop them coming back and back and back to pull you out to sea. At this you drew your legs up out of the water, pulling your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around yourself, a little colder than before, despite the bright heat of the morning, a little less certain. You turned away again and blew a trail of soft, sad smoke over the water, and for a long moment there was only the silence of the river and the secrets in between.
"You loved him, didn't yer." It was quiet, almost not there at all, and you caught it through the lull of the water like the whisper of some dream slipping past you as you woke, and like a dream it stopped you in your thoughts, wrapping around your throat and keeping you from saying what you wanted to say. No, of course not. A summer fling, but it had lasted so much more than just one summer. A handful of months, a short eternity, and you thought you might have loved him all your life if you had only known his name. Certainly you had loved him since the moment he had smiled at you, the moment you had seen his eyes, the moment you had left him. You had fallen in love with him a million times, and you had loved him a little more every time.
"Who can ever say. I went to war, Ada. I did what soldiers do. I do what I do to keep myself alive." He kept you sane every single day, he saved you every time you saw his face. He had saved so many, and you had let him save you too, and that was all there was to say. And suddenly you were wondering if all the others fell so sweet, all those pretty girls and angels who he'd write to every day, he promised. You wondered how many knew he never would, and if it made any difference to them. You wished more than anything that you could be the sort of girl who kissed and never told, who could turn around and walk away with all your heart inside of your chest instead of leaving little shattered pieces along the way. Memories of you and him that you thought you must have dreamed up in your lonely mind, because you knew at least he didn't love you know.
"Are you alive?" she frowned at you and you really didn't know what to say. You'd stopped being alive a long time ago, and Tommy Shelby had absolutely nothing to do with it. They used to tell you that it was all some grim lottery, that some would die and some would live and some would spend the rest of their life dying, but no one survived this bloody war, only the horses. Who lived, who died, and everyone died and such was the world and such was the war and such would it always be. There'd be another war and more people would die and you would go on breathing and you'd like it a little less every day, because that was the way you did things when you were only made to die and all the world lived on alone.
"Are you?" you quipped back and put out your cigarette on the jagged stone that jutted out over the river, a road of stone but mostly dirt, tied with blood that ran like veins down the streets, the silvery threads of Tommy Shelby's spiderweb of crime. You turned to her and saw her breathe in and out - how nice to say that she was human when all you were was this tangled mass of broken bones and no soul left at all - and rested your hand on her shoulder to take in all the pallid skin, the emptiness behind. You felt the need to feel every inch of her and know that she was not a name like that sad boy you'd tried to love, she was yours, forever and ever and always, and she wasn't going anywhere. Â
"Doesn't matter about me right now, does it." she took a piece of your hair and twirled it in her fingers, leaning your forehead against hers and sighing against your skin, so close that you could taste the sweet perfume on her neck and the smoke that lingered on her tongue, like waking up beside her and knowing she was yours. "I should've told yer. Might've saved us all this trouble."
"It's not your job to keep your brothers in line, Ada." you placed your hand over hers, You were right: it wasn't her job. It was her job to find a nice boy, an honest boy with no blood on his hands, and fall in love with him and get married and get away from here, because no one else seemed to do that here. Something about her told you that she would be the first to have all this and more, and something else told you that she already had. Not for the first time you had the unmistakable feeling that there was so much in her you didn't know. "I appreciate the effort, but I made this mistake. I think I have to figure this one out myself."
"I'm here." she squeezed your hand, twining her fingers with yours and bringing your hand down to your lap. She pulled away a little to look into your eyes, send you a sympathetic gaze that meant nothing more than she would be here when all the world had burned away and nothing else was certain, because she knew that you would do the same, no matter what you did, no matter what her brother had done.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." you grinned lopsidedly at her, taking the chance to stand up and pull her up beside you, smoothing down her dress and leading you down the alleyway with a hand on the small of your back.
"At least let me bring you to the Garrison. Meet the rest of the family, make sure there 'en't any other nasty surprises, eh?" she gave you those big brown eyes that she knew made you melt, and you sighed dramatically, already knowing that you would give in.
"Fine. Just a drink, mind. Think I've 'ad enough of boys for just about the rest of my life." you rubbed your eyes wearily, half to make her laugh and the other half to make her look away from the bright tears that had not quite gone away since the moment you sat down, brushing them away quickly as if you thought she couldn't see them. She caught your hand, swinging it in hers and pressing a short kiss against the back laughingly. Check one, see you cry. You realised that it had been the first time. You realised how drastically okay it felt.Â
And there she went ahead of you, and your hand was in her hand, and it was enough to make any pretty girl forget the world of Tommy Shelby, but not you. Not you.Â
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Letters to Juliet & Romeo I (Thomas Shelby x Reader)
Summary: Heartbroken and in the midst of the Great War as a nurse, Y/N L/N writes to a person she never expected to write to before... her brother's friend, Thomas Shelby. But the war's over now and it is time to face the letters...
Warnings: wartime angst, talks of wartime violence, pre-Peaky Blinder Tommy, soldier Tommy
Italics: content of the letters
Series Masterlist
January 1916, 2 Years into the Great War (WW1)
"L/N, you got a letter."
Looking up from the book she was reading, Y/N set it to the side as one of the soldiers came in, handing her a envelope that was a little dirty, had seen a little wear and tear but she recognized the hand writing on it.
She recognized his handwriting after months of writing to Tommy, Y/N remembered the first time she had written Tommy; it came after months of not hearing from her brother when he had left to France with the rest of the men in Small Heath. Y/N had made the decision to join in as a nurse with the Red Cross and maybe it was foolish, but she remembered the night before leaving on the train, when her nursing uniform was on her bed as the nerves were coursing through her that she grabbed a piece a paper and began to write.
Dear Thomas that letter began, she poured out everything about how Small Heath was, how she had signed up as a nurse and how she prayed she wouldn't find any of them in the camp hospital she was going to be. She had written how she barely had made the qualifications of being a nurse for the Red Cross with her just having turned 25 and such.
"Who keeps writing you, F/N?" one of her fellow nurses teased.
"Don't you know that's her boyfriend?" another responded.
"He's not my boyfriend", she denied, feeling a heat go through her.
"Sure he isn't."
The letters have begun as something innocent when Tommy had responded back to her first letter, she could sense the shock in his letter about her writing him but as the letters progressed, so did their relationship through their letters.
Opening the newest letter, Y/N felt a sense of anxiety in her as she remembered having had the courage to send Tommy a picture of her in her uniform; she remembered taking the picture once her training had been done, having donned the periwinkle, long-sleeve floor-length dress with the white apron that wrapped around her and went down to the ground. She had to tightly wrapped her back back into the white cap like habit.
A big red cross over the chest of her apron, she had sent the photo off with her letter and prayed that he didn't dislike it.
Reading the letter, she traced over his handwriting, feeling where he pressed hard on the paper as he wrote as she read how he found her to be beautiful in her photo.
You look even more beautiful than when I last saw you...
It made her heart clench as she saw how he wrote how he hid the photo in his service jacket from the others, that he didn't want them to see the lovely girl that kept writing him letters because he felt possessive over this same piece of heaven that was keeping him sane.
Y/N could picture Tommy in the trenches, covered in grime and dirt as he had to listen to the horrors of the wartime. She read how he longed for the war to be over, how he was fortunate enough to be with people that he knew, but he was terrified.
They're sending me to the underground soon. They want me and the others to be sappers, dig in the tunnels under No Man's Land
Y/N felt her heart drop at the prospect of Tommy going into the tunnels, having to dig with shovels under the handles broke and he would be forced to dig with his hands. She had seen some soldiers came in, having treated their hands for digging under the trenches and dealing with the explosives.
My only comfort is you, being able to bring the picture you sent me down in the ground where death might be waiting for me... the only thing that has gotten me through this damned war is you...
"Ladies, we got mass casualties coming in!" their head nurse shouted into the tent. "Look alive, ladies!"
Y/N tucked the newest letter into her pillowcase, knowing she was once again about to face the horrors of the war as she reminisced on Tommy's smile, she knew he smiled a lot.
But now, she had a feeling he didn't smile as much.
Dear Thomas,
I'm sure you're curious as to why you received a letter from B/N's litter sister. Frankly, I'm a little shocked I'm writing to you, I've not heard from my brother no matter the amount of letters I've sent.
That was how the first letter started, Tommy sometimes would re-read the letter when he couldn't sleep amongst the noises of screaming soldiers and anxiety.
"Shelby, ya girl's sent another letter", one of his fellow soldiers said as he held out a envelope.
Tommy grabbed the envelope, none of his brothers were around as he opened the letter; he remembers the shy smiles Y/N would send him when he would see her as she visited her brother, the little nose wrinkle she got when she would laugh a loud, deep belly laugh (one that he knew others called unladylike, but that he remembered fondly).
He felt the smooth texture of a photo in the letter, pulling the picture to his eyes and he felt a sense of... love come over him as he saw the picture of her in her nursing ward uniform. A small smile on her full lips, the roundness of her cheeks that only made her look younger, he could see in her eyes the nerves of everything. The cap hid her hair from view and he wondered if she had cut it short like other nurses were forced to do because of sanitation and he was curious if she still smiled.
He hoped she did because the only time he smiled was when he got her letters...
summary: you gave in into adaâs beggings to come with her to the garrison new opening, also if that means, that youâll see tommy again. tommy gets really jealous, when he sees you talking to a man all night and thinks of a way to finally prove his love for you.
part 1 part 2
authors note: iâm sorry you had to wait this long, it took me a while, but my heart can rest now and tommy is forgiven. it was so much fun writing this and have to thank yâall once again for your support, it really means the world to me <3 i also thought about writing for alex turner, since the arctic monkeys are my favorite band or maybe marvel? of course iâd still write for the peaky blinders but iâd love to hear your opinion on that anyway <3
also to be added to my taglist you can comment or write in my text box on my profile. you can also request imagines there if you want đ
âugh, ada iâm not sure about thisâ you said while standing in front of your body heigh mirror, worrying about this evening for the fifth time today, put differently: complaining to ada the fifth time today.
ada had begged you to attend with her to the garrison new opening for weeks now. you always said no, but she wouldnât stop bringing the topic up in every conversation you two would have, until you eventually gave in and agreed to go with her. you wouldnât have had a problem visiting the garrison with her, if there wasnât this thing with tommy. you hadnât seen him since he showed up on your doorstep, asking for your forgiveness. ever since then your thoughts wouldnât leave you alone, always swirling about his surprising visit. seeing his face again reminded you how much you suppressed your feelings for him in the last years. you cursed yourself for feeling butterflies in your stomach, while thinking about him. if you could, you would not hesitate to grab a swatter and kill each of them. the flowers and letters he send to you regularly wouldnât help keeping your mind off of him.
ada stood behind you, powdering her nose. she rolled her eyes at you. ây/n i know itâs hard for you to see tommy again, but you canât avoid him forever. sooner or later you would see him anyway, so soon it is.â she said while putting the powdering sponge down on the table next to her. she came closer to you and fixed some loose hair from your bun. âtommy is a real idiot, i will not contradict, but donât you think you could try to give him a chance? i know for sure that he is really sorry. ever since he found you i havenât seen him eating or sleeping. he even neglected his work and you know his distinctive desire to work himself to death.â he paused for a second, now stroking over your shoulder with her hands, while looking at you in the mirror. âyou have to talk to him.â
you returned adaâs deep gaze. you closed your eyes, thinking about what she said. you hated that she was right. you could not always avoid him and you started questioning yourself if that even was what you wanted. the pictures of tommy and you laughing together, running through the betting shop in the morning although polly forbad it, when you were little kids or the day you were sitting on the couch, crying with tissues in your hand, because some dumb boy messed around with your feelings, swirled in your head. tommy returned home with blood on his hands, one hour after he comforted and hugged you, until the anger on this boy took the best of him and he stormed outside to find this fucker.
you opened your eyes again, looking right into adaâs and admitting quietly âyouâre right. i gue-â you were interrupted with a relieved sigh from ada. âiâm really glad youâre saying this, because otherwise youâd probably cancel our visit at the garrisonâ she said, sounding very happy about your previous words. you turned around to face her, confusion written all over your face. âwhat do you mean?â you asked.
ada looked at you, then to the floor, trying to find words to explain herself. after a moment of silence she startet. âyou know i only have a one passenger seat car and as i have a driver i organized a second car to pick you up.â ada said, now looking up to your face again. your expression went expecting, not believing she told you everything. âwell itâs someone your not on good terms with right nowâ she confessed. you froze. you had a dark foreboding. no she didnât, right? âada noâ you slowly said. already trying hard to think of a plan to get out of here. maybe through the back door?
ada grabbed her clock to check the time and looked at you prior to grabbing your shoulders and saying: âyes y/n and you canât back up now, he is going to be here any second.â as if it was staged, the silence was broken with a knock on the door. âperfectâ she said, while turning around hurriedly to grab her coat from the wardrobe and answering the door. âdonât mess upâ were the words ada greeted tommy with. there he was. he wore a red tie with his usual white shirt and a dark suit. topped with a black coat, wich had a red velvet inside. on his head the typical peaked flatcap. it was like everything went by slower, like you saw him for the first time and you fell for him as soon as you locked your eyes with hisâ
ada looked back and forth between the two of you. she put on her coat and went outside through the door, while she said, that youâll meet her at the garrison. although you knew you had to talk to tommy you were mad at ada for forcing you into the cold water without giving you a proper warning before. you made your way towards him until you stood in front of him. you didnât know what to say, so you were glad that he spoke up first. âhello y/nâ
you couldnât move, still werenât able to say a word. he took a step forward to close the distance between you and him. he took your coat off of the wardrobe next to the door and held it out, gesturing for you to turn around, so he could help you to put your coat on. you still couldnât tear your gaze away from his icy blue eyes, but comply his offer after a moment. after he put on your coat you went to face the little highboy in your hallway to grab your purse to look in the little mirror above it, for the last time.
âyou look wonderfulâ he assured you and held out his leather glove covered hand for you to take. you couldnât help but smile at his comment. it was like all the anger, the urge to slap him across his perfect face and yell at him to let out all your frustration puffed up to smoke. your thoughts betrayed you, again. still you could not kill the butterflies, that were now tingling inside your stomach. âthank youâ you said softly, not having the guts to look him in the eyes. you blew out the candle on the hightop and then took his hand into yours, to let him lead you outside.
you closed the door behind you and were faced with the gloominess of the night. your eyes werenât adjusted to the dark yet, but you could make out the purple tulips, you had planted in your front yard a few days ago and tommyâs black bentley, wich was parked in front of it. you walked to his car and he held the door open for you. you sat on the passenger seat, while tommy walked around the car and sat beside you. a thick silence laid between the two of you, until he broke it by starting the engine. after a few minutes went by he decided to start the conversation.
âso i guess ada didnât tell you about my visit?â he said with his deep voice. you looked out of the window, trying to see something of the landscape in the dark. âno not really, she mentioned it just a second before you knocked on the doorâ you answered, still looking out the window. you played with the thought of telling him, that you missed him and werenât mad anymore. before you reflected the thought in your head a second time the words left your mouth. quietly, but he still understood them clearly. âi miss youâ
his eyes went wide, not believing to heard you right. he missed you too, a lot, but didnât ever think youâd return this feelings, thinking youâd hate hin for a lifetime now. he cleared his throat, before stumbling nervously. âi miss you tooâ tommy waited for you to answer, but as you didnât say anything after a few moments, he continued the dialogue. âwe all miss you, didnât you think about coming back?â you squirmed a little bit in your seat after he said that.
of course you has thought about coming back, but as beautiful as it was, it was as scary. you didnât know if you could just go back to your old life, acting like nothing ever happened. of course youâd love to just have to go to the next house to see polly or ada or finn, oh god you havenât seen finn in ages, heâs probably all grown up now. you really were looking forward to see him today.
âyeah, actually i have been thinking about itâ you answered and now moved your gaze away to look at tommy. he looked so calm. as he noticed, that you were staring at him, he turned his head to lock his eyes with you. you both got lost for a moment, but you lead the two of you in the reality again, by saying tommy he had to look on the road. his eyes were back on the road and cleared his throat, and he muttered a quiet ârightâ under his breath.
âi mean iâd be lovely to see you all again, but i donât know if i could manage to move aloneâ you continued, your eyes were on the road now too. his head shot in your direction. âi could help you, my men will carry everything, you wouldnât have to move a finger. you can move to the arrow hohse.â he said immediately. âtommy, the roadâ you warned, looking in his eyes. when he reluctantly turned his eyes back on the road, a smile creeped onto your lips, because of his eager for you to move back to birmingham.
you let out a deep breath. âi donât know if it is a good idea i move in with you tommyâ you said after a while. âyou know about my feelings for you and i know about yours, but i think thatâd be really hasty, donât you think?â you continued. he stayed silence for a moment. the car stopped. you stood in front of the garrison. you didnât realize how fast the ride went by. tommy turned the engine off and looked at you.
âyes, i understand that. so what is your plan then?â he asked. you turned your head to him and met his deep gaze. you took a moment before answering with a counter question âfriends?â his eyes still locked with yours. he nodded âfriends.â he confirmed. your lips curled into a smile.
you got out of the car, he opened the door for you again and took your hand to lead you inside. you were greeted with people laughing, chattering and dancing. loud music was playing, when tommy and you went inside. you saw john sitting at a table with a woman next to his side, wich you guessed was esme, his wife. he told you about her when he visited you in your little house. opposite them was sitting a boy, looking a few years younger than john. he had blonde hair and the sides of his head were shaved down. he looked skinny and tall, you couldnât exactly tell though, because they were sitting.
tommy lead you to them and as soon as john saw you he stood up and ripped you out of tommyâs grip to involve you into a deep hug. you couldnât help but smile at the familiar scent. ây/n iâm so glad you cameâ he said while pulling back from the hug. âiâm really glad iâm here tooâ you smiled. âi missed you johnny boyâ you said while pinching his cheek a little to tease him. he playfully rolled his eyes at you and turned around.
ây/n this is my wife, esmeâ john introduced you proudly. you smiled at her and she pulled you into a loving hug, telling you how much sheâve heard about you. after you let go of each other, your eyes went to the blonde boy, who got up now. âand this young man is mr. finn shelbyâ john said. your eyes went wide. you stormed toward him to hug him, he was surprised but returned the hug after a moment. you pulled back and had your hands laid on his shoulders. you gazed him from head to toe. âlook at you, your all grown up now. itâs crazy how long i was goneâ you said fascinated. he let out a little chuckle. âiâm glad youâre backâ he told you, giving you a sweet smile.
tommy cleared his throat in the background to lead the attention to him. âi think we should get a drink, donât you think y/nâ he asked you. âoh, can you get me a whiskey?â finn asked, before you could answer. you turned your head to his and slapped his arm. you were shocked. he was 16! âno whiskey! youâre way too young. my god what did you do to himâ the last part was very much dedicated to tommy and john. âweâll get you waterâ you said to finn, while walking back to tommy.
you went to the bar, where tommy pulled out his pack of cigarettes. you declined the cigarette, he offered you, saying youâd only want to have one or two drags from his smoke. as you laid your eyes on the bar, you saw a familiar face. âarthur!â you yelled. his head shot up and a. big smile plastered his face as he saw you. ây/n! youâre hereâ you went behind the bar to hug him tightly. when you two pulled apart, you noticed that tommy sat on one of the golden bar chairs, lightning his cigarette. you took a look at all the bottles behind you and turned around again to face tonmy.
âwhat do you want to drink, mr. shelbyâ you asked him playfully. he raised his eyebrows, looking at you. his look shifted to arthur before he said âweâve got a new barmaid, eh?â arthur laughed in response. you didnât bother to answer and just looked at his expectingly, gesturing for him to tell you want you want. âwhiskey, irishâ he said, taking a drag from his cigarette. you turned around and grabbed three glasses from the shelf behind you and the bottle of whiskey tommy ordered. you poured some of the liquid into the glasses as tommy blew out the smoke.
the three of you took your glasses in your hand and arthur was the first to raise it. âto the garrisonâ he said and gave you the signal to drink. you drowned your drink, because of the thought that your optimism for the evening might fade soon. after you set your glass down, you took tommyâs cigarette from his hands and took a long drag. you closed your eyes, inhaling the smoke. the calming feeling the cigarette gave you was soon to be taken away as ada joined the three of you. ây/n! there you are. i thought you two had an accidentâ she said relieved.
you gave tommy the cigarette back as you blew out the smoke. âoh no, we were just talking to john, finn and esme.â you explained, your hand gesturing towards their table. ada nodded to you knowingly. you went to grab ada a glass as well, pouring the whiskey inside of it. she drowned it as well and when she sat it down, she held out her hand for you to take it and yelled âcommon y/n, letâs have some fun, thatâs what were here forâ you laughed a little bit at her tipsy behavior, but feeling your body reacting to the alcohol lightly too. you excused yourself to tommy and arthur and then went with ada to plunge yourselves in the crowd.
a while later you went back to the bar, to get yourself a drink. you didnât see tommy or arthur anymore so you turned to harry and ordered a glass of whiskey. as you took the glass harry gave you, a man neared you from behind and said to harry. âher drink is on meâ he yelled through the loud noises of the croud, so harry could understand him. you tapped his arm and made him look at you. âactually my drinks are on the house but thats very kind of you, thanksâ you set to him. he raised his eyebrows at you, looking surprised. âoh, are you related with the shelbys? i didnât know they had another sisterâ he said. âno, not exactly related iâm just very close with themâ you answered smiling shyly. âthank god, i was a bit scared when i saw you walking in with mr. shelby but i thought why not try my luckâ he chuckled. âiâm sorry iâm being rude, my name is aldwyn.â the man introduced while holding his hand out. you shook it while looking into his eyes and said ây/nâ
after you let go, aldwyn collected all his courage and asked âwell y/n do you maybe want to-â âno she doesnâtâ someone interrupted him. âwhat?â you and aldwyn asked at the same time. you turned around confused, just to look into tommyâs icy blue eyes. âtommy what-â you tried to say, but were cut off by tommy again. âshe is busy right nowâ tommy said not taking his strict eyes off of aldwyn. âi donât see her doing anything right nowâ aldwyn answered boldly. you were surprised heâd talk back to tommy shelby, but before you could say anything tommy had grabbed your hand pulled you to the side.
âtommy what the fuck?â you said winding of his grip. âwhy did you talk to this arse?â he asked you angrily. âwhy did i talk to-â you interrupted yourself, shocked, because he even had the audacity to ask that as if it wasnât obvious. âwell, i talked to him because he was kind and nice to me. he even wanted to pay for my drinkâ you answered him just as mad. âwow, bravo your drinks are on the house, i always pay for your drinks.â he said. you rolled your eyes at him and said âwhatever iâm gonna find-â you were interrupted once again, by tommy pulling you back to him and mumbling âno youâre notâ
you were annoyed by tommyâs behavior now and squirmed in his grip âtommy stopâ he looked down at you, before he muttered under his breath âalright thatâs itâ you looked at him confused, not understanding what he meant. âOUT!â he shouted. the pub fell in silence and all eyes were on tommy. âEVERYONE GET THE OUT!â he yelled again to clear his sudden shout. the people still looked at him confused. âtommy what?â arthur asked standing up from a table. âeveryone get the fuck out of here, i donât wanna repeat myselfâ tommy spat. after a few seconds the people started mumbling quietly, before everyone slowly made their way out of the pub.
you looked at him, still not understanding what he was doing. as everyone left the pub and it was only you and him left. ây/n i love you so fucking much i canât even put it into words and seeing you talking to this bastard. it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chestâ the worlds left his mouth before he could stop them. your eyes softened. of course you knew that, since he already told you but seeing him frighten off all the people out of the garrison just to tell you probably that he loved you made your heart melt. a small smile creeped onto your lips. ây/n please i know itâs really really fast, but i- i canât stand seeing you talking other man, knowing i canât do anything about it. since you left i could not take my mind of you for a second and i-â you shut him up by pressing your lips onto his. he was surprised, but as soon as he realized what was happened he kisses you back. it was the most loving and passionate kiss youâve ever shared with someone and you couldnât help but smile widely when you pulled back.
âthat means you stay?â he answered, out of breath, resting his forehead against yours. you couldnât build any sentence right now, so you just nodded lightly. âforever?â he asked.
Note = Over a week since I updated. Apologies honestly. This is rather long but not overly long...does that make sense? Loose ends are being snipped.Â
Rushing across the cobble streets, I tried to control my excitement as I burst through the large black door of Shelby Company Limited. My heels bounced off the stairs as I hurried to the top, my breathing laboured due to the amount of rushing I had been doing.Â
My chest felt on fire as I stubble through the office door, immediately catching Lizzieâs attention. Tommy had moved her to the upstairs office last week, giving her more room. It was also easier for him to depict letters to her this way.Â
âEverything alrigâŠâ
âTommy in his office?â I puffed out, clutching the lapels of my coat together.Â
âUm yeah, but he doesnât want to be disturbed.â Lizzie nodded, her words trailing off as she remember who she was talking to. Squinting her eyes, they trailed along my body as if inspecting me for injury.
âThank you Lizzie.â I sent a soft smile her way, composing myself before opening the wooden door.
Tommy sat at his desk, head down in study, paperwork surrounding him. He was stressed. It was easy to see the tension in his shoulders. The half full glass of whiskey rested just in front of him while a barely smoked cigarette sat in an ashtray burning away.
âStace? Is everything alright?â He asked standing to his feet. His face fallen into panic at my unannounced arrival, his eyes tracing along my body much like Lizzieâs had.Â
âIâm fine, just a little out of breathe.â I chuckled, fanning my face with one hand, the other resting on my hip.
Glancing over my shoulder, I checked the door was closed properly before walking towards him, a grin breaking out onto my face as I reached him in the middle of the room.
âRight, well I am rather busy here loveâŠâ
âTommy look.â I stated ignoring his words.
Walking around him, I shrugged the coat from my shoulders, folding it over the back of one of his green guest chairs. Turning to face him, I slipped the extended waist of my red skirt down, pulling the blouse I was wearing up exposing my stomach, the tiniest bump protruding.
âItâs our baby.â I grinned, placing my hand on the side carefully.Â
Looking up at him through my eyelashes I watched as his head tilted to the side, a smile threating to fall onto his lips as he came to stand next to me, putting his much larger hand over my own.
âYou rushed all the way out here to show me this?â He asked with a breathy laugh.
âWell yeah⊠I thought you would be happy or something, I donât know.â I sighed, feeling a little deflated. I honestly thought he would be happy but then I remembered who I was dealing with.
âForget it.â I huffed, pulling away from him. I didnât get far when he took my wrist into his hand, pulling me back around to face him, the scent that was him travelling deep into my nose.
Biting my lip I fought off a moan, allowing my hands to rest on his firm chest before sliding up towards his shoulders, griping the back of his neck to pull him closer to my smaller frame.
âWhat are you doing?â He asked once I started to place soft, delicate kisses along the front of his neck, working my way over his clean shaven chin, along his jaw towards his ear, nibbling at the lobe.
âWhat does it feel like am doing?â I asked as my hand gliding over the front of his woollen trousers causing Tommy to hiss inwardly at the contact.
âLizzie is right through those doors.â He smirked, fingers coming up to tangle into my hair, pulling my head back so I could make out every freckle on his face.
âNot like she hasnât heard us before?â I smirked, bringing my tongue out and slowly running it along my lips. Tommyâs eyes began to cloud over as his Adamâs apple bobbed in his throat, the grip on my hair loosening.
âIâll be nice and quick Mr Shelby.â I whispered dropping to my knees before him.
I heard a soft groan leave his lips as he brought both hands down to cup my head, fingers working through my hair before shaking his own head - telling me no. I was about to ask why not when Lizzie knocked on the door letting Tommy know Mr Chambers had arrived.
âThatâs why.â Tommy chuckled, offering me a hand.Â
With a roll of my eyes I allowed him to help me to my feet just as the door to his office open, a short, heavy set, man walked through the door, a creepy smile painted across his face.Â
âMr Shelby.â His voice boomed before his eyes fell on me, gazing all over my body. I instantly felt repulsed being in the same room as him. âNever short of beautiful woman Mr Shelby, which one is this fine lady? Mistress?â
âHis future wife.â I snapped, feeling disgusted by his words.Â
Turning away from both men, I grabbed my coat from the back of the chair, pecking Tommy on the cheek before moving past the ogling man in front of me, I had never felt more uncomfortable under a stare in all my life.
âFeisty one you got there.â His laughter boomed, disturbing the peace that was once Tommyâs office. âDoes that mean the leggy brunette out front is up for grabs?â I heard him speak just as I closed the door.
âWhat an absolute brute of a man.â I gasped at Lizzie who no doubt heard what he had to say about her.Â
âIâm used to it.â She brushed off, flicking the ash of her cigarette into a ashtray, an unbothered expression on her face.Â
âWell you bloody shouldnât have to deal with that here Lizzie. You deserve to be treated with respect.â I ranted, folding my arms across my chest. âI will be making sure Tommy knows it.â
âI can fight my own battles but thank you Anastasia.â She laughed, disposing of the ends of her cigarette. âI hear congratulations are in order, Tommy got you pregnant."
"Yes.â I beamed, placing my hands over my bump once again. âI am about fourteen weeks now and the bump is only starting to show.â I laughed, rubbing small circles on it.Â
âAnd a rock on the finger.â Lizzieâs eyes widened as she stood, hand out for my own. âLetâs see then.â She smiled.
Placing my left hand in hers, she brought it up towards her face to inspect the ring, a silent nod of approval was given before retuning my hand.
âYou make him rather happy Ana, itâs good to see.â Lizzie nodded, a warm smile gracing her lips.
âDid you know of Tommy before the war?â I asked quietly, ensuring I would not be overheard by the man in question.
âNot really, he only came to me after the war, him and John.â Lizzie explained looking down at the papers thrown across her desk. âBut I would see him around and of course there was the family reputation. But he didnât need my services prior to the war so we didnât really cross paths.â
âBecause of Greta?â
âHmm?â Lizzie asked, glancing up at me with her dark brown eyes. âGreta? Oh that must have been⊠yes I saw her around with him. Young love.â She nodded taking her memory back a good few years.Â
âI wouldnât worry though, Tommy is head over heels for you. A blind man could see it.â Lizzie reassured taking a load of paper and moving across the room to file them. âDonât be upsetting yourself over ghosts.â
âIâm notâ I denied, I was simply curious, Tommy didnât talk much about his past especially not about the war or before.Â
âDo you like Pandora?â Lizzie asked suddenly.
âI havenât heard of it never mind like it.â I laughed off my confusion at her sudden change of topic.Â
âOh you must try it. Itâs a sweet Italian bread, star shaped. Come on Iâll take you to the best.â
*****
Entering the small bakery in the Italian quarter of Birmingham, I felt a little uneasy with everything I had been told by my parents but nothing had ever come from it. The debt rested with them, part of the reason my father worked himself to near death with the suits. At least that is what I would tell myself.Â
The delicious smell of sweet pastries hit me up the face as soon as I step inside, my mouth watered at all the different options on sell, I had never seen so much diversity in a bakery before.
âLizzie darling.â A male voice with a strong Italian accent called out. Stepping away from the taller woman, she engulfed the smaller man with a hug, placing a delicate kiss on his cheek.
âAngel, this is my friend Ana she hasnât sampled any of your delicious pastries before.â Lizzie smiled widely, her arm sliding through the dark haired manâs arm.
âAh Miss Ana why not? You hurt me.â He spoke, clutching at his heart with a faint laugh in his voice. âWe will fix this today, come. Platter for two.â
âOh no, donât be going to any trouble.â I quickly interrupted but the man Angel, simply waved his hand in off, dismissing any concerns I might have had.
âNonsense. You will try and fall in love. Then you will be a regular, putting the money back in my pocket.â He grinned before disappearing out into the back of the shop, Lizzie gazed after him lovingly.
âNot to overstep here Lizzie, but is there something happening between you both?â I asked, a pink blush resting on the cheeks of the brunette.
âItâs still earlier days but, yes he is rather sweet and kind to me.â She gushed, tucking her head into her chest.
âOh Lizzie, I am so happy for you. You deserve happiness.â
âAnd now you donât have to worry about me seducing your future husband anymore.â She commented, bringing the elephant in the room to light. âI am sorry for that, I honestly believed you were just a fling to him. You just appeared from nowhere.â
âI appreciate the apology.â
âEh Russo bring me some Pandoro for the platter. Its Lizzieâs favourite. Ana must also try it and return tomorrow looking for more.â Angel had returned a large white box in his hand, shouting at someone from the back kitchen.
âAlright, here make it count I only have one left, the rest ainât cooked yet.â A familiar voice spoke. A cold shiver ran through my body as a tall man walked in from the back, with slicked black hair.
Moving myself to hide behind Lizzie, I waited until he disappeared back into the kitchen, my heart beating widely in my chest. I knew that voice. I recognised that voice.Â
âWhere did you go? Donât hide that pretty face.â Angel joked, peering around Lizzieâs back to me. A gentle look on his face as he held the large white box out in front of me.
âOh no, Iâll take it. This lucky lady is expecting a baby, precious cargo.â
âFelicitazioni.â Angel suddenly yelled bringing the attention of those in the shop to the front. âFelicitazioni.â He appeared in front of me again, taking my hand into his and placing a soft kiss on the back of my hand.
âThank you.â I whispered, the uneasy feeling never leaving me after hearing that voice again.Â
âAlright now leave, you distract me from my work you beautiful woman.â Angel grinned, placing his hands on either side of Lizzieâs face and pressing his lips to hers. âIâll see you soon.â He pointed towards me, sending a wink in my direction.
*****
Tommy wasnât at the office when we returned, silently I was grateful as it gave me time to get my story straight in my head. He was going to be mad enough, I went to the Italian quarter but now I had found the man he had spent the last two years looking for by accident?
âThank you for this afternoon Ana, it was honestly so nice.â Lizzie breathed out a laugh, closing over the lid of the white box we had just shared for lunch.Â
âIt was lovely, we should do it again sometimeâ I tell her, wrapping my coat around my shoulders. I needed to return home and make a start on the dinner and find Tommy before he found me.
âAbsolutelyâ Lizzie nodded, seeing me out of the office.
Saying a final goodbye I wrapped the coat closer around my body, walking through the streets of Birmingham before the loud bangs from the factories brought me out of my thoughts, I had arrived back at Small Heath.
âAna, Ana love, this is Michael. Michael this is Ana.â Polly suddenly appeared in front of me, a younger gentleman next to her. He didnât look like he belonged around these parts but the name, Michael rang a few bells.Â
âYour sonâ I gasped, eye widening at who was actually standing in front of me.
âYes, he has come to see me.â Polly beamed reaching around, pinching the cheek of her son. âThis is Tommyâs girl, you will hear a lot about her. Captured all the Shelby hearts this one.â
âI wouldnât say that.â I brushed off the compliment.
âNice to meet you.â Michael grinned, holding out his hand for me to shake. I gladly accepted, passing my purse to my left hand, the ring catching Michaelâs attention almost immediately. âHow long have you been married?â
âMarried? Anaâs not married.â Polly scoffed, confused before dropping her eyes down to my hand. âAna? Did he?â She gasped, hands leaving her sonâs body to pull on my left hand, inspecting the ring much like Lizzie had.
âJust last night.â I nodded unable to stop the grin spreading across my face at the memory.Â
âOh my dear, this is gorgeous. Suits you perfectly, the boyâs done good.â Polly grinned, squeezing my hand tightly. âThis calls for double celebration, Garrison 8pm donât be late.â She pointed an index finger at me.
âSurely young Michael should be going home?â I asked not wanting to upset anyone but if what Tommy had said was true, there was no way this boy was here with his âmothersâ knowledge, meaning the police could be looking for him.
âOne more night wonât hurtâ Polly gushed âUnless you want to return home?â
âNo.â Michael quickly shook his head, forcing a smile on his lips as he looked between Polly and myself. âNot yet anyway.â
âAfter the party then.â Polly nodded, turning her attention back to me. âCongratulations my dear. Iâm overjoyed for you.â
âThank you Pollyâ I smiled, glancing at her son who just stood next to her awkwardly. âDo you know where I can find Tommy? He isnât at the office.â
âBetting shop with his brothers. Always work with those three, will be good to extend our celebrations just this once.â Polly winked. âWhen you see them tell them, Garrison 8pm.â
*****
Smiling softly towards Scudboat, he nodded his head in my direction as I passed through the workers counting up the tallies from today, making my way towards the back offices, Arthurâs loud laugh guiding me towards the office he shared with Tommy.
âAhh there she is the lovely Ana.â Arthur spoke, the first to see me bringing the attention of the other two towards me as I slipped inside, the nerves of having to tell Tommy bubbling in my stomach.
âYou alright love?â Tommy was quick to notice a difference in my demeanour.Â
He was on his feet, bent over the table discussing a plan with John, pencil in hand to dot the relative information. Nodding my head, I bit on the corner of my mouth, forcing a smile onto my face.
âYou sure? You look pale? My nephew giving you a hard time?â John asked with a wide grin on his lips, the toothpick dangling loosely from his lips, hands never leaving his pockets.
âNephew?â Arthur scoffed, shaking his head. âItâs a girl, thatâs our niece John boy.â Arthur winked in my direction.
âNo wayâ John countered back with a scoff of his own. The pair started to argue over the gender of the baby, while I thought over in my head how I should rely the information I had found to Tommy in the best possible way.
âJohn, Arthur. I need a word with Stace alone.â Tommy interrupted tossing his pencil onto the desk as he stood up straight.Â
His shirt sleeves were pulled up towards his eyebrows, showing off the muscles in his forearms. I could feel myself getting wetter at the sight, my mind immediately went to the gutter. I was like a dog in heat around him.Â
âOh Polly wants you all in the Garrison at 8pm.â I told the brothers before they could leave. âFor a celebration.â
âOf course she would want to celebrate the return of her son and why shouldnât she.â Arthur gruffly spoke to himself, stroking the sides of his moustache with his fingers. âAye, sheâs been through enough. Letâs give âer tonight.â
âGlad you agree to thaâ brother. Any excuse for a drink if you ask me!â John laughed, wrapping his arm around his older brotherâs shoulderâs pulling him down to his size, the pair beginning to fight as they exited the office.
Tommy just watched after them, an unamused look on his face as he watched the two fight on the main floor before leaving out the front door.Â
âWhatâs going on Stace?â Tommy asked once they had gone.
âPlease donât be mad.â I started, instantly regretting my choice of words.
Tommyâs eyes glared in my direction, a coldness taking over them as he reached into his trousers pulling out a packet of cigarettes. Taking one from the line up, he ran the white stick along his lips before lightening it with a match.
âAm I going to have to wait all night for you to start talking?â He asked, raising an eyebrow in my direction.
âNo, noâ I mumbled, walking forward to place my purse on top of his wooden desk. âWhen I left the office today, I left with Lizzie and we went to get some treats.â I began to speak, well aware that Tommy was watching me carefully. âIn the Italian part of town.â I continued, catching a glimpse of Tommy seizing up at my words.
Sparing a glance in his direction, his eyes were dark. If I didnât know he loved me and would do nothing to hurt me, Iâd be worried. He was like a statue standing there, unmoving. Cigarette burning away in his fingers, eyes not blinking.
âIn the bakery, we got to chatting and because I was new they offered me a platter.â I spoke, stopping once more to collect myself, taking it in turns to twist each finger. âItâs like a mix ofâŠâ
âI know what a platter is Anastasia.â Tommy tone was cold, detached.
âRight of course you do.â I nodded swallowing back my nerves. âThere was a guy there, a guy whoâs voice I recognised. I know it was two years ago but Tommy I wouldnât forget the voice, I couldnât.â
âWhat voice?â
âRemember I came here before to see you and you were in a stand off with some menâŠâ I trailed off not sure whether of not I should continue but when Tommy said nothing in return, I continued. âThey held a gun to my head. His name wasâŠâ
âRusso.â Tommy finally jumped in, his entire face contorting into anger. Reaching forward he harshly squashed the cigarette in half, eye not once leaving my own. âYou found him?â
âI think so, but I, I didnât see his face that night so I canât be 100%â
âBut you remember the voice and you heard that voice today?â Tommy pushed walking around the desk to stand in front of me.
I felt like I was transported back to two and a half years ago, standing in this office for the first time to collect my brotherâs winnings from the terrifying Thomas Shelby.
âSCUDBOAT, get Arthur and John back here now.â He yelled towards the taller gentleman who was overseeing the workers on the main floor. Tommyâs vein in his neck was bulging out, I was scared it was going to burst.
âTommyâŠâ
âWhat the fuck where you thinking going to the Italian part of town?â He hissed towards me, reaching over and grabbing my purse from the table, opening it. âAnd without your gun!â
âI donât like having a gun, they make me uncomfortable.â
âBut walking into that part of town was easy? Have you forgotten you were promised to those bastards Ana, they wonât think twice of killing our baby and claiming you as their own.â
âSince when am I Ana to you?â I barked back, a rush of emotion surging through my body. The nickname he chose to call me upsetting me more than his anger.
âDonât fucking try and turn this around on me.â He pointed towards me.
âThey donât know me Tommy, they donât know what I look like.â
âThey arenât fucking stupid!â He yelled, grabbing the empty glass of whiskey John must have been drinking before tossing it against the wall, the glass shards spluttering all over the floor. âJesus do you not think eh?â
âI just helped you find the man you havenât been able to for the past two years. I may not think sometimes but clearly you donât look well enough, he was under your nose the whole bloody time.â
âYou found Russo? Where?â Johnâs voice broke the glare I had been firing at Tommy. He was resting against the door jam, arms folded across his chest.
âAt the bakery just off Bordesleyâ
âAngelâs Bakery?â Arthur questioned, eyebrows drawn down over his eyes as he looked at me, a worried smile on his face as he looked at me.
Johnâs face widened at my confession, his eyes jumping between myself and Tommy who had walked back around his desk, spreading his arms along the length of the wood, resting his weight on both hands, his head dropped down to his chest.
âJesus fucking Christ Stace. You may as well bent over, give them a show. Handed yourself over.â Tommy growled, the anger getting the better of him as he pushed everything from his desk in one shift motion.
âWhat the fuck are you talking about Tommy?â Arthur stood tall, walking into the office to stand just in front of me, almost like he was protecting me from the wrath of his younger sibling. âRusso hasnât made any further attempts on the girl you are being unfair.â
âUnfair?â Tommy chuckled darkly âUnfair Arthur, her fucking parents sold her off to them to get the money they needed to pay the debts her brother accumulated through you.â Tommy spat.
Arthur face immediately fell at the confession, turning to look at me â the look on my face silently confirming that what Tommy had said was in fact true.
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