#thisiswhyiwrite

I don’t write because I have something to say, I write because if I don’t, the silence will consume me.

I write because I burn. Because the words rise like smoke from a breath that's choking.

I write to gather my scattered pieces, to shape the chaos, to prove that something inside me still moves, still resists.

Each line, a step into the dark. Each period, a breath that dared to leave.

As @rixxy8173571m3w1p3​ said, we were talking about how long we’ve written and how our writing as changed since our first attempts. I mentioned, as I have before, that young writers, new writers, inexperienced writers sometimes seem intimidated when they read what other people have done.

I believe I was both blessed and unlucky when I started writing fanfiction. It was way back in the early/mid-1980s, and I had no clue fanfiction was a thing or had a name! It was just something I did, because I wanted and needed to do it. I was driven to do it! There were no communities of people easily accessible to a kid in small-town, rural America; there was convenient or quick way to share my stories with anyone. Therein lay the best and worst: I had no one else to compare my work to, and no one criticized me (good!), but I had no one to give me pointers, encouragement, or even care (bad!).

But writing was an escape. It was a release. It was a compulsion. Because I had no way to have an audience, I didn’t care there was no audience. I wrote for me.

And I wrote, and wrote, and wrote.

With practice comes . . . well, not perfection, in writing’s case. But practice makes you better. Remember when I said burned a metric tonne of papers containing my earliest writings? I didn’t destroy all of them. I saved some because even though they’re atrocious, filled with THE WORST Mary Sues, nonsensical plots (I wrote GIJoe, and the ms character I created was a magic user), and stilted attempts at “sophisticated” dialogue, they were a labor of love and represent a different time in my life. (I do have a line in my will—literally, in my will, that’s a hand-over-my-heart truth—for that box of old stories go to a beloved, trusted friend to burn those things to ash when I die. Gods help me if she goes first.)

As @rixxy8173571m3w1p3​ did, I am happy to share examples of my work through the past decades. All creative endeavors contain a little of their architect’s soul in them, and I don’t mind giving you a glimpse of my quite younger self. To show people who say they like my work that not all of my work was likable! To show that again, practice doesn’t make perfect in writing, but it does get better.

I would love for #thisiswhyIwrite, #writers on tumblr, #writerslife, #why I write to gain traction. I’ve seen artists’ posts and reblogs of “then and now”, showcasing what they’re artwork looked like xyz years ago compared to what they’re creating now, and I would love to see authors do it too. Snippets of past stories, compared to snippets of what you’ve done recently.

To new/young/inexperienced writers: please take heart! Maybe you’re not “as good” as what you see on tumblr, fanfiction.net, or ao3. But that certainly doesn’t mean you can’t be! It’s human nature to compare yourself to other people, but sometimes everyone needs a gentle reminder that we’re all fallible.

Remember:

You are not always who you think you will always be.

[ if you’ve stuck with me this long, thank you! Early writing examples below the cut. I am not including NSFW/smut, because I want this post to be for EVERYONE, of any age]

I was talking with @hoodoo12 about writing and common myths about it. As far as writing goes, I have my style, as all writers do. What I write about might not always be someone’s cup of tea, but I know there are those who like what I do. To all of those thinking about writing, let me tell you a few things. There is this misconception that if you write, your first work has to be amazing, and if it isn’t you failed.

I don’t really know anyone who wrote a masterpiece on the first try. If you published your first work, and it’s amazing, then kudos, and I tip my hat to you. Us mortals, who had no experience, no idea what grammar was, and well just wrote cause it’s fun, then you are amazing because you took the first step.

To explain why writing is so important, and what it means to me, then here’s some back story. Be prepared, it might be a little sad.

To all those who want to know why I write, then read on.

Here is an example of my writing from almost 9yrs ago.

My first story was about a girl(a Mary Sue) who had their dog stolen, and has to travel the world with a childhood friend and a member of Peta. It was a romance, comedy, drama, fantasy which featured the following themes.

A childhood friend you only met once, but agrees to go with you in a crazy adventure

Love triangles

Amnesia

Evil mad scientist

Millionares

Unlimited funds

Passive parents

Plus size main character

Insta love

It was all a dream

There is way more, but I’d be here all night. As you can see, all of these themes in one story might make it hard to follow, cliché, and cheesy. However, at the time while writing this story, it was my passion, it was my magnum opus(before I even knew what it was) and I got half way through writing the story, and had my sister (who was more well read) edit for me. After reading it, she told me how awful it was, and I was heartbroken.

I tried to keep writing it, but I didn’t like it anymore. Me trance was broken, and I came back to the real world, feeling like a loser. So, till this day it’s unfinished, but in my heart it’s still near and dear. It’s been touched on before, that Mary sues are unrealistic, but I love the idea of Mary Sue and my version of a Mary Sue. Everyone wants to feel special, and it’s cool when you write a character who’s amazing, and everyone loves them.

I’m going to say this now, nothing is wrong with writing what you love.

After being heartbroken, I stuck to writing screen plays, and a few short stories, but never with the same passion I had. I also wrote poems, or stuff for English class. I just wrote enough to get by, and I can honestly say there was some stuff I was proud of. My teachers liked my inquisitive nature, and I because I was an introvert, I spent most of my time reading. I was happy enough with this, and in my senior year of high school, I gave it my all in my English class.

Now, all my work was fine, but then came the fateful day when my teacher thought it was a great idea to show what not to do. She held up my work, laden with spelling errors, and told everyone that they should do anything but don’t do this. I kept quiet about, but it hurt because I had genuine respect for her, and it was my best work at the time.

Don’t listen to those who don’t respect you.

A few years later, during a time when I was house ridden, I got into the show Jane and the dragon. I was instantly hooked, and when it was over, I searched the internet for anything I could find. It was during this search that I found what would change my life.

Fanfiction

I read one of the first ones I saw, and I was shocked by some of the stuff I read, and adored other stuff. After rereading my favorite fic a few times, I decided to write my own. I knew the show like the back of my hand (it was the only show I watched over and over) and I think this was the first time I understood Fandom. I had basic writing skills, and wrote my heart out.

I felt empowered. I gave the characters my feelings, I had my otps express their feelings for one another, and all the endless ideas I had, I used. I was ill, I wasn’t going anywhere, and I just wrote because I had too much time on my hands. It was therapeutic, because through these characters I lived.

I felt like I could share my thoughts and feelings with people who were like me. I wrote how I thought, and I didn’t care if people read them or not, because I loved my works.

It didn’t take long until I got feedback.

What I love about Fandom, is the positivity. I had comments like

Good job

This is cute

I love this

Keep going

Comments make the world go round

I also got a few negative comments, but mostly I got constructive criticism. This really helped me see what I needed to work on, and I listened. I did me best to spell check, I read out loud to myself to make sure it sounded natural, I did research for historical accuracy, and so on.

Along the way, I got in touch with my mutuals, and we shared ideas. I read their works, they read mine. I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. After four years of writing for that small Fandom, I’m proud to say, I wrote 173 fics(yes just for jatd), inspired others to start writing, watched that little group grow, even if just by a little, and participated in its very first fic week. (which was last month)

Changing the World

Now, I’m respected among my mutuals, and continue to receive positive feedback, because for a while I was the only one contributing. Now, there is a group of brand new writers who are incredible, talented, and lovely people. They continue to inspire me to do better, and I inspire people in ways I don’t really understand.

This is, what I’ve learned.

You never know who you might inspire, with your passion, persistence, and work. You don’t know who will find their voice, because they read your stuff and were inspired to write their own. You don’t know how you can change someone’s life. I’m not saying I have, but I know that writing has gotten me through some of my hardest days. Now, that I’m not longer ill, and my life has change due to a set of circumstances, and my growing as a person, my writing has changed.

I think, like in all things, we continue to change, and what we do is affected by who we are as a society of people. You, as a writer, a reader, or artist don’t know whose life you changed, but even if it doesn’t, do what helps you be who you need to be.

How I Write Now

This is from my Doofus Rick x Reader fic The Conservatory which was posted latest month.

To date, The Conservatory is in my top ten of my favorite fics I have ever written. I wrote about a character I love, whose ideals and personality is compatible with mine. When I write about Zeta-7, I write him in the way in which I have loved. All the guys I ever loved, or been attracted to have been like him. Even now, the man of my affections is just like him.

Yet, a lot of his quirks, actions, and feelings are based on the people who I most cared for. So yeah, my feelings of affection are real, a lot of his actions were based off real events, and the reader is a lot like me. I write about what makes me happy, and I express myself through what I write. Zeta-7 isn’t real, but my take on him is.

The point?

I write because it’s a part of me, and my words are an extension. I love sharing my happy feelings, these precious moments which I incorporate into my stories. I want everyone who reads my work to taste and see, to hear what I hear, and know me even if it’s just words on a page. I write, and I live on the page, with my happiest moments, and memories, with all the characters I will never meet. And with everyone, who I’ve met once upon a time.