#this is literally hell

Now a second one is coming and it's big as our country. Two known storm chasers literally just came here to study it. One of the spearheads for Flood control used up all the money to buy 40 luxury cars instead of doing her job. Plenty of other corrupt officials are still not being jailed after months of useless senate hearings.

Being part of the generation to break “generational curses” is absolutely tiring. As in, I’m physically and mentally tired of crying every 5 minutes. Learning and unlearning. “Healing”, whatever the fuck that means - idk if I’m even doing that right. Yes, I’m aware of my experiences and how that has shaped me as an adult today. But at what cost? Speaking of cost, we’re in a cost of living crisis - but what does that mean when you don’t even want to live in the first place.

Attempting to navigate myself in the world, even though I honest to God don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’ve been told “everything’s going to work out” and “take one day at a time”. It’s been 9,824 days and I’ve never felt more unfulfilled. Lost. Real talk, the more I learn about myself, the less I want to know.

I often think of having a child in the future (should I become mentally & financially stable lol) and feel immediate guilt. Who wants to bring a child into a planet like this. Who wants to expose them to the same lowness I’ve felt. Baby fever only lasts so long, as babies grow up. What if I end up repeating history? I’ve never been so scared in my life, the source of my fear being my thoughts. I wish I could book a lobotomy or put my brain in the dishwasher lol.

me: *exits tumblr immediately*

[later]

me: hmm I need to check tumblr again 

tumblr again: mishapo-

me: no.