Summary: Dean's reaction to a fem!reader that's a metalhead
Warning: none, sexism? if you squint like really hard
A/N: its implied that the reader is adopted/ related to Bobby in some way, not proofread all mistakes are my own
The Winchester brothers had been staying with Bobby for a little while. You hadn't known them very long, but you had quickly found your similarities. Dean had been outside fixing up the impala and Sam was helping. When the boys came in to get out if the heat, they were greeted by the delicious scent of food and the sound of metal music playing from the kitchen. Usually they never heard your music. You often listened through earbuds, but this was your home and the house had been empty until they came in.
The boys shared a look of intrigue and poked their heads into the kitchen. You were standing over the stove cooking dinner and moving to the beat, clearly 'in your zone'. You and Dean had had brief conversations about music. He knew you shared a love of bands like the Cure, Metallica and Black Sabbath, but this was heavier than he listened to. Honestly, he thought it was pretty awesome.
Sam elbowed his brother in the side. "Dude, how does it feel that a girl has a more badass music taste than you", he teased with a grin.
"Shut up." Dean shoved his shoulder.
You turned around from the stove, their bickering alerting you of their presence. You turned the knob on the radio to turn down your music causing their heads to snap back to look at you.
"You boys hungry?", you asked, trying not to laugh at the fact that they looked like two children who had been caught.
"Hell yes," Dean responded, nudging you from in front of the sink to wash the gear oil off his hands.
"Yes please," Sam said politely.
You smiled at how different they were sometimes. Sam was much more personable than Dean was. But you were starting to like Dean's gruff, cocky attitude, even if he annoyed the hell out of you sometimes.
After Bobby joined the boys at the table, you sat plates of good food in front of them. Dean smiled appreciatively at you. Good music taste and a good cook. Yeah he was really starting to like you.
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Summary: a fight between you and Dean leads to some unintended truth slipping out, maybe that's not a bad thing
Warning: flangst, arguing, self hate, implied smut, set in season 9(spoilers)
A/N: Not proofread all mistakes are my own.
You and Dean had been screaming at each other for a good 10 minutes now. It had gotten to the point where Sam had given up trying to be the mediator and snuck away to the library to let you fight it out in the map room.
This argument had started when you found out Dean had taken on the Mark of Cain and to make it worse, he had hidden it from you for over a week. After you saw it on his arm and started asking questions, he tried to brush you off like it wasn't a big deal. Your anger had flared, but what you wouldn't admit, was that that anger, was fueled by fear and concern for your friend.
You had been friends with the boys for years and fought by their side. It wasn't long after getting to know them, that you started to develop feelings for the older Winchester, despite your best efforts at keeping your heart in check. At this point, those feeling had developed into being hopelessly in love with him. You wouldn't say anything though; you knew your feelings were unrequited.
"Do you know how bad of an idea that was Dean, we know literally nothing about what that mark could do to you, but I know it's really not good", you yelled as he paced back and forth on the other side of the map table. All the terrible things you had heard about the Mark in biblical literature, flashed through your head.
"We had no other option Y/N, what was I supposed to do?"
"We could've figured out a plan that didn't involve you getting a murderous tramp-stamp and then lying to me about it." Honestly you felt betrayed. You were supposed to trust each other.
"I didn't lie to you and it's too late now isn't it.", he was practically fuming now.
"Ok, then we'll get it off!", your yelling was elevated by the frustration and anxiety that was coursing through your veins.
"And why the fuck do you even care?", he yelled, leaning forward. He seemed so close to you despite still being across the table.
At his question, it was like something snapped inside you at his audacity, after all. the things youve been through, to even ask you that. All rational thinking and control went out of your mind.
"Because I love you!", you yelled, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Your voice was louder than it had been throughout your whole argument. However your screamed admission of the words you had tried so hard to keep to yourself for years, was followed by a deafening silence. All of your anger and fire drained out of you and was replaced by pure, icy dread and regret.
You wondered for a brief moment, if you had in fact said those words aloud, but one look at Dean's face, at his shocked expression, confirmed that you had. You had just brought your walls of emotional repression crashing down around you.
You glanced to your right to see that Sam had reemerged from the library, clearly he had heard you and wanted to see how this scene would play out. Sam, being your best friend, had always encouraged you to admit your feelings to Dean, but you had always thought that was a terrible idea. There was no way someone like him could want you. You didn't deserve him anyway. All of the terrible outcomes ran through your head, Dean rejecting you, or getting mad at you and kicking you out of the Bunker, or things becoming awkward and you losing your closest friends. Some of the only people you had.
You were waiting for one of these possibilities to happen as you stared at the floor while Dean still stared at you in stunned silence. In reality, it had only been a few seconds, but it felt like time had stopped and you couldn't stand waiting anymore. So you ran.
"Y/N wait!", Sam called after you, but your feet were already carrying you to the garage. You grabbed your keys and got in your car as fast as you could, you wanted to be far away from this situation, somewhere you wouldn't have to face Dean. His silence made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you and you didn't think your heart could handle his rejection... or worse.
After about 20 minutes of driving, your thoughts had spiraled to the point that your hands were shaking, so you pulled off the road into a field. You got out of your car to go sit on the hood and think, try to come up with a plan on what to do next, but it was like your mind wasn't working. You hadn't even realized it, but you were crying. You just wished you could go back in time and take back those words.
Dean's POV
Dean didn't break out of his trance of disbelief until he heard the garage door slam behind you. His mind couldn't wrap around the fact that you had just admitted you loved him, he thought there was no way someone like you could want someone like him.
"What the hell man!", Sam said, exasperated. "Why did you just stand there?" He looked ready to smack him.
"I don't know Sam!". He felt like an idiot. Why did he just stand there? Why didn't he say anything? And now you were gone. "What do I do?", he asked his brother.
"Well, it's too late to follow her, so we'll have to find her."
"How?"
The younger Winchester thought for a moment. "We can try to track her phone and hope she didn't turn it off."
Your POV
You couldn't have been sitting on your hood, drowning in stress, for more than 30 minutes before you heard the distinct rumbling of the impala. You forgot to turn the location off on your phone. Fuck. Your heart sunk to your stomach and you prayed to any god listening, that it was Sam in the car and not Dean. But you knew better. You knew just from the sound of his footsteps who it was.
Dean came and sat next to you in the hood of your car. You couldn't look at him, you didn't want to see the look of pity in his eyes when he saw you were crying.
"Sweetheart, please look at me", he said after a moment of silence. He placed a hand on your knee and you immediately jerked away.
"You don't need to say anything Dean, I get it." You still weren't looking at him. You really didn't want to hear some "it's not you it's me" speech.
"Get what?", he asked, genuinely confused at how you were reacting.
"I'm so sorry", you said, completely ignoring his question; your eyes welling with a new wave of tears.
"Whoa whoa, hey", he said softly, moving off the hood to kneel in front of you. Your hands went up to hide your face. "C'mon look me Sweetheart. Please.", he pulled your hands away from your face to hold them.
"Please don't kick me out." You knew that was an irrational fear to have and Dean would probably never do that to you, but the weight of your insecurity was heavy on your mind.
He was taken aback by your words but his heart broke at how upset you looked and the tear stains on your cheeks. He realized then, what was going through your mind; you thought he was going to reject you.
"Hey, no one's kicking you out." He gently squeezed your hands. "Look at me."
His voice sounded so gentle, but you could pick up on the hint of what sounded like nervousness. You finally met his eyes.
"I love you too." Your eyes widened in disbelief at his words, but you knew how monumental Dean Winchester, saying those words to anyone, was. "I should have told you that a long time ago, but I never thought you'd feel the same."
"Y-you love me?" you were still shocked, you wanted to cry for a whole other reason now. Relief. Happiness. Gratitude.
"Have for a long time sweetheart, how could I not." He could still tell you didn't believe him so he leaned up slowly giving you plenty of time to pull away, before planting a gentle kiss to your lips. It felt like you were going to combust and he was the only thing keeping you tethered to earth.
Once your brain had caught up and he pulled away, you decided the kiss was entirely to short for your liking. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him back into a kiss, that tried to make up for all the years of waiting. Laying back on the hood of your car you pulled him to stand between you legs as he continued to kiss you. This was a rare moment in your life where you were allowing yourself to have what you wanted.
Things were getting pretty heated before Dean pulled back to look down at you. "We don't have to take this any farther if you don't want to," he said, eyes laced with softness and concern.
"Dean if you don't want to go any farther because you want to take things slow, that's fine with me, but if you're saying that because you're worried about me... I've been waiting for nine years, don't make me wait any longer."
A smile, that you hadn't seen in a long time, lit up his face. "Then why don't we move to the car," he motioned to the sky. It apparently had started lightly raining at some point and was about to start coming down harder.
You nodded in agreement, before taking his offered hand so you could climb off your hood. He opened the back door of the impala for you and let you get in before joining you and shutting the door. You were going to wait out the rain and try to make up for all the lost time.
Laying in his arms, completely blissed out, you listened to his breathing and the rain hitting the roof of the car. You ran your hand down his arm until you got to his forearm. You stopped to run your thumb over the mark. "Does it hurt?" you asked.
"Not really. It did at first." he took a breath before continuing. "I'm sorry... I know it was a stupid move, and I should have told you."
"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I just worry about you."
Before he could respond, you heard his phone ring from the floorboard. You groaned, not wanting to move from his hold.
He chuckled at your annoyance. "It's probably Sam. It's been hours, we should at least let him know you didn't wind up in a ditch somewhere."
"Fine," you said with a playful eyeroll and reached down to grab his phone. You read Sam's name on the caller ID and answered it. "Hey Sammy," you greeted.
"Oh h-hey!" he said clearly surprised to hear your voice instead of Dean's. "So I guess Dean found you."
"Yeah everything's good. We're ok."
"Ok good," he said with a hint of relief.
"We'll be home soon, I promise." You said your goodbyes to Sam, before hanging up and putting Dean's phone back in his pocket.
"I guess we should head back."he said.
A flash of worry went through you. You didn't want to break this moment, almost fearing that what had happened between you two would disappear when you left the safety of the car.
You nodded with a sigh and began gathering your clothes.
Once you were both redressed, you went to reach for the door handle and head back to your car. Dean's hand on your arm stopped you.
"We'll get your car tomorrow, just ride home with me tonight," he pleaded.
"Ok," you breathed, relieved that the moment still wasn't ending.
You had settled into the front seat with him and began the drive back to the bunker, when you had an idea. Rummaging through his box of cassettes you found the one you were looking for.
"What are you doing, Sweetheart?" he asked with a hint of amusement.
"Don't worry about it, you just keep driving." You smiled at him and slipped the tape into the cassette player.
Dean started to laugh as soon as he recognized what song you had played. "Did you just 'Night Moves' me ?"
You nodded and started singing along with Seger's voice with a huge smile on your face.
Summary: Dean thinks back on the times he died but found his way home to kiss you
Warning: mentions of death and dying, drinking, talk of alcoholism, cursing, kissing, angst, Dean self hate, takes place in season 10 so spoilers.
A/N: This is inspired by Work Song by Hozier and written in Dean's POV with lyrics acting as Dean's thoughts, lyrics in italics. NOT PROOFREAD ALL MISTAKES ARE MY OWN
Dean's POV
I don't want to get out of bed. I couldn't have woken up more than three minutes ago, but I'm so tired. Though that's been a pretty consistent occurrence for most of my life. I'd have a hard time remembering the last time I woke up feeling rested, and to make it worse, these past few months- few years, have been grueling. Hell, in the past few months I inherited the Mark of Cain, died and came back as a demon; I don't know how much more I can take. I want this to be over, but it's not, it's never over. The Mark still on my arm is a reminder of that. I'm glad I have Y/N, I don't think I could go through all of this alone. She's still with me even after everything. She makes it all worth it.
Boys workin' on empty
Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?
I just think about my baby
I'm so full of love I could barely eat
There's nothing sweeter than my baby
As if she could hear me thinking about her she emerged through our bedroom door with a smile that always seems to melt away my worries and two mugs of coffee in hand. That explains why she wasn't lying next to me when I woke up. I release the breath I've been unconsciously holding since waking to find her not beside me.
"Good morning my love" she says softly, handing me one of the mugs and sitting next to me on the bed.
"Mornin' sweetheart". She cups my face and kisses me, soft and sweet. I kiss her back, with a wanting for something I don't deserve.
I'd never want once front he cherry tree
'Cause my baby's sweet as can be.
She give me toothaches just from kissin' me
It's still hard believing that all this is real. I was supposed to be dead. I did die. Yet here I am, waking up another morning, another morning with her. I remember hearing her when I was fading from the stab wound. I heard her begging me to stay with her and it made me fight. Evidently I wasn't strong enough to win the initial struggle against death, but I made it out alive and came home to her. Despite how ugly the road back was.
When my time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave can hold my body down
I'll crawl home to her
I think back to before we were together, back to when I came back after getting dragged to Hell. I wanted to shut everyone out, even her, and bury myself in a new grave of alcohol and guilt. Sam and Bobby had tried to get me to open up, tried to get me to talk about the literal Hell I had been through, Y/N never did. She somehow always knew when to push and when I needed to be left alone. So many nights I stayed awake, unable to sleep through the waves of guilt. Guilt over what I did in Hell, what I put Sam, Y/N and Bobby through, guilt for leaving them. My mind was so loud these nights, I drank until I blacked out. It was after one of these nights that I had woken up with a killer hangover in the bedroom that she usually slept in at Bobby's. Incomplete glimpses from the night before flashed through my head. Remembering how Y/N had found me in my drunken stupor and hauled me up from my seat at the kitchen table. How she managed to get me up the stairs and into bed by herself is beyond me, but I've learned over the years of knowing her, to not underestimate what she's capable of.
Boys, when my baby found me
I was three days on a drunken sin
I woke with her walls around me
Nothin' in her room but an empty crib
And I was burnin' up a fever
I had drug myself out of bed and wandered downstairs, unconsciously searching for her. I found her curled up asleep on the worn out sofa in the library. A new wave of guilt washed over me. I hadn't even pulled my head out of my ass long enough to ask her how she was, and now she had gone out of her way, given up her bed, so I could be comfortable. I didn't deserve her. That's why I kept my feelings for her to myself for so many years. I moved past her to the kitchen quietly, as to not wake her. I wanted to have a pot of coffee ready for her when she woke up, it was the least I could do. I was going to bring her a cup but she heard me moving around in the kitchen before the pot was even done brewing.
"Hey" I saw her rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, her hair disheveled.
My heart swelled at how cute I thought she was when she was like this, though I would never tell her that. Not only because I thought it might ruin our friendship, but also because she would probably stab me for calling her cute.
"Hey" she responded, voice still thick with sleep.
"You want a cup of coffee? ", I asked as I poured a cup for her, already knowing what her answer would be.
"Please", she said with a tired smile.
That morning over coffee, I had told her some of what I went through in Hell, that I had broken and tortured souls. She listened, without judgment, without fear and without asking questions I didn't feel like answering at the moment. The fact the she didn't push me made me comfortable to tell her everything.
I didn't care much how long I live
But I swear I thought I dreamed her
She never asked me once about the wrong I did
And now almost 6 years later, I'm still doing the same thing. I put her through all that again. I made a stupid decision that got me dead, but I made it back, only to try and shut her out. But now that we're together, I know she's not going to let me do that and I'm too tired and I love her too much to fight her, even though everything in me is telling me to stay away from her. I don't know how she can even look at me, let alone still be with me. I tried to kill her and Sam when I was a demon and there's more terrible things I did that she doesn't even know about, though I'm pretty sure she knows and isn't telling me. After her and Sam cured me, I tried to keep her at arms distance, tried to tell her the list of reasons why she shouldn't want me anymore. How could anyone forgive me after everything I did. But she took me into her arms and kept telling me it wasn't really me, that her and Sam still love me and all that matters is that she has me back.
My baby never fret none
About what my hands and my body done
If the Lord dont forgive me
I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me
When I was kissing on my baby
She spent all of last night kissing away my pain. I want to take away her pain too. I set my coffee on the nightstand and reach over to take her cup too, setting it beside mine.
"What'cha doin'" she looked confused until I turned back, grabbing her and pulling her to lay with me.
"Fixing it", I whispered, knowing it wasn't an answer that made sense, but I was going to kiss her until it fixed her broken heart.
I moved to hover over her and just looked at her, holding her face in my hands. Even in the low light of the early morning, she's still breathtakingly gorgeous. She pulls me down to kiss her and I get the feeling she knows what I'm trying to do. I pour everything I'm feeling into kissing her, how sorry I am for leaving her, for all the heartache it caused her. I don't think I'll ever erase from my mind, the sound of her crying as I was dying. The memory has me blinking back tears. I turn to hide my face in her neck and trail kisses along her shoulder. Her arms wrap around my back and I can't help but melt into her, breathing in the scent of her perfume. The weight is off my shoulders for once, I can breathe easier, and nothing matters outside of us.
And she put her love down soft and sweet
In the low lamplight I was free
Heaven and Hell were words to me
When my time comes around
It's moments like these that make me fight so hard. Fight to be better, do better. Fight for her and fight to stay with her. I roll over onto my back, pulling her with me to lay her head on my chest.
"I promise that no matter what happens I'll alway find a way back to you". It was a promise I was making to myself as much as it was to her, and I intended to keep it.
