#theultimateweirdshipper

 She buckles herself in and Aoi, ever the gentleman, starts the engine. He’s annoyed by her sudden intrusion, but he’s never been able to say no to her, and he likes her fire, besides.

“Okay, sure,” he says. “But what–” 

He’s about to ask again why she’s at his house, but the answer comes barreling out of the apartment complex’s door, dressed in plaid and way too many vests.

“Clover, wait–”

“Aw, fuck.” Aoi’s eyes narrow at Junpei as he stumbles toward the car. “What the hell did you do?” 

“I said shut up and drive!” Clover snaps. 

Aoi shrugs. “Fair enough.” And floors it. 

“Clover!”

Clover unbuckles and leans over the edge of the door, flipping Junpei off with both hands and waving them around. “Later, scrub!” 

One hand on the wheel and panicking like he’s the one half-hanging out a car window, Aoi reaches over and grabs Clover by the back of the skirt. He tries extremely hard not to look at her butt while he’s got a fistful of fabric, but hey. He has to admit, as far as butts go, Clover’s is kind of cute, and it’s hard not to look when it’s practically being shoved in his face. 

She really should get a longer skirt, Aoi thinks. And he pointedly doesn’t think about the fact that he really shouldn’t be lifting it higher than it already is.

He yanks on Clover’s skirt hard enough to pull her back into the car. She yelps, hits the seat with a soft thwump!, and crosses her arms. She half-glares, half-pouts at Aoi. “You could have asked if you wanted to touch my butt, you know.” 

“I don’t want to fuckin’ touch your butt,” Santa snaps back, lying through his teeth.

“Whatever.” 

They’re silent for about half a second more before Clover reaches over to the radio and turns it up, full-blast. 

“–OUT THE PASSENGER’S SIDE OF HIS BEST FRIEND’S RIDE–” 

Aoi immediately turns it right back down. “I hate that song,” he says. 

Clover turns it back up. Aoi turns it back down.

Clover turns it up.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Aoi turns it down again, and once more, Clover puts it on blast. Realizing there’s no way he’s winning this fight, Aoi finally relents, gritting his teeth and clutching the wheel until his knuckles turn white. 

“Once again, Clover gets her way.” Just like she always does. “Seriously, could you be any more of a spoiled brat?” 

“Sorry, can’t hear you over how great this song is!”

“Ugh.”

The song runs its course and Aoi shuts the radio off. Clover reaches to turn it back on, but he bats her hand away, actually kind of pissed now. “Radio doesn’t go back on until you answer some of my goddamn questions.” 

“Touchy touchy,” Clover says. 

“First,” Aoi says, taking her sass as a cue to continue, “What the fuck were you doing at my house?” 

“Why the fuck do you have a convertible?” she retorts. “Isn’t this a little flashy for someone who’s supposedly trying to lay low?” 

Aoi keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him. He resists the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. “In case bratty little girls who don’t bother asking for a ride need one.” 

Clover has the dignity to look affronted. “I am not a little girl!” 

Aoi shrugs. “You barely come up to my shoulders, pipsqueak. Seems pretty little to me.” 

She stutters. Good.

“I’m gonna ask you one more time, and if you don’t give me an answer I like, your ass is out on the curb. And I ain’t stopping to let you out.” He looks at her out of the corner of his eye. She doesn’t look threatened at all. “What were you doing at my house?” 

Clover smirks. “Looking for you.” 

Aoi doesn’t buy it, but he can’t say he doesn’t like the answer. Fucking smartass. “Great,” he says. “Flattered. Next question: what the fuck did you do to Junpei?” 

“Pissed him off.” 

Aoi does a full-body eyeroll, his head lolling on his shoulders. “Obviously. Any particular reason you feel like sharing with the class?” 

“No,” Clover says, with that horrible-adorable cheeky smirk of hers. Figures she’d be stubborn. Aoi doesn’t know whether he should be pissed or pleased; she’s a tough cookie, and the flirtatiousness is a nice change from her usual bad attitude. He supposes it’s those little cracks in her bitchy facade that keep him saying yes to her. 

Jump, Aoi!

How high, Princess?

Clover doesn’t let him stay lost in his thoughts for long. “Besides, I think we’re getting a little far from the real elephant in the room.” 

Aoi bites. “And what would that be?” 

Clover grins, all trouble. Aoi likes it… for all of two seconds, until he realizes she’s kneeling on the seat and leaning over the center console, poised for all the world like fucking Catwoman. It’s not sexy at all, but damn it, Aoi hates himself just that little more for falling for the distraction. 

Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road. 

“Why don’t you pull over and find out?” 

Aoi’s pretty sure he’s about to pop a blood vessel. He just hopes that when it finally goes, it doesn’t spurt out his nose like a goddamn anime character. He knows she’s just trying to get under his skin and none of this really means anything - it’s just a game they like to play - but damn it if she isn’t winning. Again. Aoi curses his own weakness at the same time he figures out how to get her back. 

“Okay, sure,” he says, and he takes delight in the split-second in which he can see Clover’s eyes go wide. He turns sharply, too sharply, and the car swerves; Clover screams as she’s thrown off balance and practically whipped out of the car. 

Aoi laughs at her. 

“Man, you should’ve seen the look on your face!” He cackles and regains control of the car, steering it back into its proper lane. Other traffic passes by him, honking and flipping him off as they go. Aoi doesn’t care; he’s victorious. 

“You could have killed me!” Clover shrieks. She regains her balance and punches Aoi in the arm. It hurts (when did she get so tough?) but even that can’t bring him down now. 

“Then maybe you should have been wearing your fucking seatbelt, huh?” 

Clover sits back down in her seat, cowed for the moment. She is not happy. But who cares? Aoi is more than happy enough for the both of them, so instead of shutting his trap like a decent fucking human being would, he decides to press her a little further.

“Besides, you still ain’t dead, are you? Even though I could have killed you lots of times. Remember when I locked you and your brother up in the middle of Nevada and pretended you’d swallowed a bomb? And then I threatened to blow your brains out?” 

Clover snarls. “I remember.” 

“Good times.” 

Clover squirms in her seat. Aoi wonders if he’s made her a little too uncomfortable, but when he tilts his head to look at her he sees she’s… smiling? 

“…Yeah. I guess it kinda was.” 

Aoi snorts. “You sick fuck.” 

“I’m the sick fuck?” 

“Yeah,” Aoi says. “You would be-“ 

He’s cut off from that thought by another one popping up in his head: an image of Clover, moving and playing in his mind’s eye like a memory, walking up and down the stairs in Building Q’s steam engine room. Except Aoi very vividly does not remember that happening, despite his jokes to Junpei at the time. 

"What the fuck?!” The car swerves again and Clover shrieks with laughter. 

“Ha! Gotcha good there, didn’t I? You perv~!" 

Aoi manages to get the car under control again, and he curses under his breath: "Fuck shit God damn it fucking Senders holy shit coulda killed us both what the fuck–”

“Aw, did I scare you?” Clover teases, giggling like an idiot. Aoi glares at her in the passenger seat. "Maybe you shouldn’t tell Junpei next time you have thoughts like that. Or, better yet, don’t leave your mind so open for me. Not that you can help it, though, it seems pretty empty up there…”

“That’s it,” Aoi says, still trying to recover a steady heartbeat. “Game over. You’re goin’ home.”

“More like you’re going home, to-" 

An exceptionally vulgar thought crosses Aoi’s mind that definitely isn’t his own. He turns to glare at Clover. "Cut that shit out or so help me I will turn this car around-”

“And what?" 

"And hand you over to Junpei to face some goddamn comeuppance. Brat.”

Clover snorts. “Pff. Like that’s a threat.”

“No, but I’m guessing he’s not the only one you pissed off if you were in such a rush to get out of my house. Want me to hand you over to Akane instead?" 

Clover’s face pales and real fear fills her eyes. Aoi doesn’t need her to send her thoughts to his brain to know that she’s reliving the last time she pissed off Akane.

It had been horrible. All three of them - Aoi, Junpei, and Clover - had been mentally scarred for weeks after. "You wouldn’t.”

“Try me, Princess.”

Clover snaps her mouth shut and turns to face the road. The rest of the short drive is spent in silence, except for Aoi’s triumphant cheering as he speeds down the road at double the limit.

–

He drops Clover off at her front door and tells her, in no uncertain terms, to “Get the fuck out of my car.”

He resists the urge to physically kick her out of the car just for the fun of it, but he is nothing if not a gracious man. Not that Clover seems to appreciate that: she glares, pouts, and crosses her arms at him. 

A short distance behind her, Light opens the front door and makes his way toward them. 

“I hope she didn’t cause you too much trouble,” he says, reaching into the convertible and grabbing Clover by the back of her hood, like a cat picking up a kitten by the scruff of its neck. Aoi raises a brow and nods, impressed. Snake is pretty damn strong for such a skinny guy.

“Only the usual amount,” he says. Clover’s frown deepens; Light has yet to put her down, so she’s still dangling in the air. Aoi laughs; she’s just too cute.

“Aw, don’t be like that,” he says. He leans out the passenger-side window and presses a quick kiss to Clover’s lips. “You know I love you.” 

She rolls her eyes. “I don’t believe you. You might have to kiss me again to prove it.” 

He does, forgetting for a moment that Light is standing right there. When he pulls away, he grins like the devil up at the taller man. “Sorry ‘bout that, Light.” 

“Oh, don’t mind me,” he says, sarcastic as ever. “It’s not as if I can see you.” 

“Oh yeah.” 

Clover bops Aoi on the head with a loose fist. “Same time next week?” she asks. 

Aoi grins. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, babe.” 

He gives Light a small wave, a flick of the wrist, forgetting that Light can’t see how absolutely uncool that was. Clover blows a raspberry at him - God, she’s cute - and he flips her off. 

“You two are so weird,” Light mumbles as he turns around to carry Clover into the house. Aoi can’t stop himself from laughing as he watches them go.

Yeah, he thinks to himself. She really does need to get a longer skirt.