#thetwistedwillowmeta

Okay, it’s been all of twenty hours since the episode aired. Where are all the fanfics that now feature this beautiful bastard?

Belphegor kept a vein of humor running through an episode that was otherwise depressing and dark between losing Jack, God’s big betrayal, and trying to survive a zombie attack. He’s a guy you hate to love because at the end of the day, he’s still a demon and he still has a self-fulfilling agenda (even if it is his own amusement).

In speaking with some fellow girlfriends, we delved into the lore surrounding this demon and discovered that he represents quite a few things.

Of the deadly sins, he is Sloth incarnate which means that he is not just sloth-like, he IS Sloth. Just look at his shortcut spells. He takes the easy way and tempts humans to do so as well.

He observes marriages/couples. He sows discord between them. He may have been funny and delightful to watch but he was very purposeful and conniving in his interactions, specifically with Dean and Cas (that’s a whole other post, though).

He leads others to make discoveries. He is THE Destiel expositional tool and I suspect he may be integrated into the show for the GA and others who still don’t see Bi!Dean or Destiel. Much like Robbie Thompson inserted himself as a writer into the show as Metatron for expositional purposes. 

Like demons do, he’s a temptor. He got the Winchesters to help him (sans Cas’ blessing) by seducing them with ingenious invention (going back to his basic little spells that packed quite a punch).

He is, in a word, gross. We’re talking about this guy being summoned with the use of excrement (that’s poop). He sits on a poop throne. He is represented by dick. Dude is just a big poopy penis. He isn’t revealed as some pure, glistening golden poster boy. He’s the opposite of Jack. He’s at the bottom of the bottom. I bring this up because it makes it that much more heartbreaking when we realize exactly who is possessing our sweet, innocent nougat boy’s body. Cas said it: this demon is DEFILING Jack’s corpse. Cas is so utterly disgusted while Belphagor is absolutely tickled by the reactions he gets.

Even if he’s on the wrong side of the Winchesters, he’s such a sassy little asshole and fun to watch. Alex is killing it in this role. I can’t wait for more exposition from this character.

I realize I’m regurgitating all the information that’s already going around but writing out what I’ve learned helps me to process information so you’re welcome for the fiftieth post about the demon Belphegor.

I thought I should edit this and add a little intro. This post is a chronology that is mostly about how Dean has felt as a witness to Cas’ fall, up to the point we meet AUCas.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Angels, they don’t care. I think maybe they just don’t have the equipment to care. Seems like when they try, it just breaks them apart. - Dean Winchester, 7X21 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean did not realize it here, but he would become the cause by which Cas would direct his steps, the reason for Cas’ fall, and the love of Cas’ life. (4X21)

The next GIF was just after a Cas reprogramming. It had become clear to Heaven that Cas was being swayed by Dean. Oh, this scene just breaks my heart, how dead Cas looked in his eyes. This also reiterated that Cas had been serving/following Dean specifically. (4X20)

Dean was the reason that Cas rebelled, to the point Cas killed his own and was hunted. This speech from Cas was sobering, but in the next episode we were blessed with “Free to be You and Me”, one of the most Destiel-heavy episodes to date. (5x02 for GIF)

But then Dean was sent to the future and the illusion of happy-Destiel in 5x03 was shattered. It was there that Dean witnessed, with his own eyes, just how slippery the slope was if Cas continued to follow him. Cas’ only reason for staying at Camp Chitaqua was Dean. Cas didn’t agree with Dean’s plan, not one bit. But where Dean would go, Cas would follow. 

And that’s what FutureDean meant by, “Me and him, it’s a pretty messed up situation we got going...” in which the camera pans over to focus on Cas. It was to emphasize that the only reason Cas was there was for FutureDean. Their relationship had become warped and unbalanced. Cas was willing to give everything, and FutureDean was willing to take it all because he was blinded with rage and revenge, and that didn’t sit well with our Dean at all. (5x04)

And it was why, when Dean returned to his own timeline, that he implored Cas to not change. What he meant was that he didn’t want Cas to become broken and addicted and suicidal for Dean’s cause. He didn’t want Cas to follow a version of himself that would allow Cas to die for his own revenge. (5x04)

But the wheels were already set in motion. Cas was already changed, so Dean’s remark only served to further Cas' resolve in following him and in continuing to rebel against heaven. And Cas’ cause, that he fully served, was Dean. The reprogramming to make him otherwise just wouldn’t stick, no matter how many times the angels tried to change Cas back. (7x21)

Dean learned here that it was when Cas first laid a hand on him, to rescue him from hell, was when Cas first became lost. The guilt and shame Dean must have felt, even though being saved by Cas wasn’t exactly his choice. And so here in 7X21, Cas was very unwell and unstable. Dean believed that Cas was this broken angel because of him. (7x21)

Even though he saw that Cas was willing to follow him in Endverse, to death, Dean seemed surprised that Cas was still willing to follow him after all they’d gone through since season five. One would think that all of the betrayal, and catastrophe--and the fact that Cas was currently mentally unstable because of the Winchesters--would be enough for Cas to throw up his hands and say, “I’m done with you.” But no matter what happened, Cas would go... and he’d do his best. (7x23)

Purgatory was pure. It gave Dean clarity and this is when he knew, without doubt, that he needed Cas, come what may. He even told Cas this: “I need you”. And not just to fight battles, but because Dean finally had someone in his life who cared for him unconditionally, and that he cared for unconditionally right back. He wanted them to go home, together. (8x07)

Purgatory was also a time when Cas didn’t come when Dean called (”I prayed to you, Cas, every night.”--“I know.”--“You knew and you..?”). Cas chose to not follow Dean out of there because Cas was beginning to feel like he did everything wrong and only got his loved ones hurt. And this rejection hurt Dean. It hurt him so badly that Dean couldn’t comprehend it. His mind had to compensate for the rejection by creating an alternate scenario to explain why Cas stayed behind in Purgatory instead of going with him. Cas had stayed because he wanted to serve penance for the terrible things he’d done, things that he had claimed were for Dean: “I‘m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you.” (quote from 6x20; gif from 8x07)

Heaven continued to be frustrated by Cas’ rebellion in regard to Dean, to the point that Cas was reprogrammed--yet again--and this time he was set to kill. Because they knew that Cas would defer to Dean before Cas listened to them. This is how much Cas served Dean. But even their programming wasn’t enough. Dean’s love confession broke through the mind control. Afterward, Cas would once again disappear and it would seem, to Dean, that Cas was back to serving Heaven (ugh, he wasn’t Dean). (8x17)

But if we fast forward through a lot more misunderstanding, Metatron confirmed that Cas had been under the guise of following Heaven but all of his choices were for Dean. You know, in case it wasn’t clear enough already because viewers hadn’t been paying attention. (9x23)

Cas continued to lose his grace through season ten, and became possessed by Lucifer through most of season eleven. At the season eleven finale, Dean was on a kamikaze mission to annihilate Amara and Cas offered himself to Dean once again: where Dean would go, Cas would follow, even to death. But Dean finally put his foot down. He couldn’t be the reason Cas died, not like Endverse. Instead, Dean imparted a new cause for Cas to serve, and he asked Cas to watch over Sam. (11X23)

Cas was downright depressed and downtrodden in season twelve. He felt weak and useless. He reasoned within himself that if he couldn’t serve Dean then Dean would no longer need him. Cas put his all into trying to be useful and it nearly killed him. Cas wanted to impart final words, to finally say how much the Winchesters meant to him, and it was here that Dean was reminded, again, just how much Cas had changed because of knowing him. Cas had never fully done what he was told (Naomi said as much in 8x21), but Dean was the point of no return for Cas. (12x12)

During season twelve, Cas found another cause to serve: Jack. This role was different from his role and relationship with Dean. This would become a parental role. One of the greatest things to happen this season, though, was for the brothers to see what could have been had they not been born, in a sorta “It’s a Wonderful Life” twist. They got to see the world they never saved. (12x23)

So imagine my utter disappointment when we finally meet AUCas and he is quickly ended before Dean gets a chance to see: a Cas that he never saved. 

Both Castiels were right: they were the same. They both didn’t do as they were told, and had to be reset by Heaven again and again. Both of them were different from their angel brethren. But they weren’t completely the same because where they began to differ was September 18, 2009. Dean. AUCas never found his Dean/humanity and thus was twisted into a corrupt, broken, wingless, twitchy and evil torture device for Michael. AUCas didn’t get away from Heaven or Heaven’s control. He was likely severely tortured and brainwashed into submission. 

Dean could have benefited from seeing AUCas:

to see what becomes of a Cas that is never changed by Dean/humanity

to realize that a changed Cas is not a broken, lost Cas

to let go of the guilt that the things that happen to Cas, as Cas lives his life, aren’t Dean’s fault just because they’re in each other’s lives

and to understand that the moment that Cas saved him from hell was also the moment that Dean, in turn, saved Cas 

Because Cas wasn’t lost when he laid a hand on Dean in hell.

Cas was saved.

Cas understands the life; expresses his desire to become a hunter. Source: 8X08 “Hunter Heroci”

Does not deny that Cas is a hunter, even if he isn’t very good at it. In fact, Dean outright tries to encourage him and is eager to go on a hunt together. 

Source: 9X06 “Heaven Can’t Wait”

SAM: “Really? You don't... ever want something more?” DEAN:  “I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs.”  (Doesn’t deny it. His response is full of disdain; he’s so discouraged. We know that Dean ‘Abandonment Issues’ Winchester doesn’t want to be alone.) SAM:  “You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But... something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?” DEAN: “Have you not heard a single word Bob's been singing about? You're tired. I can tell.”  (Still doesn’t deny it; deflects.)     Source: 11x04 “Baby”

Dean is definitely thinking about something more, despite giving Sam the impression that he doesn’t. And he even asks about what it is like, specifically, for these [gay] hunters.  Source: 11X19 “Chitters”

CASTIEL: [Door slammed in face. Turns to Crowley.] “Do you think that ever happens to Sam and Dean?” He wants to do well at hunting, and as we learn later, he needs a win for Dean and for himself. Source: 12x03 “The Foundry” 

CASTIEL:  “I thought, that's the sort of thing Sam and Dean would investigate. They would roll into town, save the day, kill the monsters. But with them gone... I tried to work the case. I tried. But... I don't know what I did wrong.” The hunters NEED to be together, as a team. They each bring something to the table that the others lack, creating a completed unit.  Source: 12X09 “First Blood”

CASTIEL:  “Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn't find you. And then Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. And I just wanted... I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself.” Cas has made great efforts in trying to hunt on his own, but he keeps failing. He makes it clear that he does it FOR DEAN... and now he’s starting to see he needs to do this for himself as well. But becoming a successful hunter, and needing a win for himself, doesn’t mean working solo. In fact, time and again, we’re shown that everyone works better together than apart. And then we get Dean’s teamwork spiel because THAT is when they get wins. DEAN: “Will will find a better way.” CASTIEL: You mean, we? DEAN: Yes, dumbass. We. You, me, and Sam, we're just better together. So now that you're back... Let's go, Team Free Will. Source: 12x19 “The Future”

Gives Cas a HUNTER’s funeral, complete with Dean ripping fabric in mourning and carefully wrapping up his body. Alone. I imagine he may have even carried Cas’ body by himself and what a visual that would have been (head canon). Dean thought of Cas as one of them, as family, and even as a hunter despite Cas’ shortcomings in that regard because, to Dean, a win wasn’t ever about what Cas can do or even proving himself. The win is Cas himself. The win had been (in 12x19) Cas walking back through the bunker door, and later it was Cas’ return from The Empty. Source: 13x01 “Lost and Found”

Cas is back and It’s Never Too Late to Start All Over Again. Source: 13X05 Advanced Thanatology  <3 <3 <3 I’m not saying that Dean hasn’t thought of something more (he has) or that he envisions that something more with a certain hunter(in training), or that he asked other hunters (two men, btw) what it was like to settle down. I’m not even saying that Dean mourned like a widower, complete with a hunter’s funeral, or that Dean needed a damn win and got it (ep 13X06) via the return of the formerly dead hunter. I won’t even say that Dean insists, “WE are just better together,” because he doesn’t want to be alone, and he doesn’t imagine life can go on without this specific hunter by his side.  I’m not saying this hunter’s name is Cas (psst, it’s Cas) and he totally hasn’t been trying desperately to hunt and “bring back a win” specifically for one person... and now himself. I’m not saying that Dean sees CAS, himself, as the win; rather than what Cas can DO. Because it would be ridiculous to say those things out loud.  I won’t even bother to say that settling down and being something more and having wins isn’t about being a hammer or a good soldier (because it’s not). Good golly, could it possibly be about finding happiness within themselves and with each other? Because, for the LOVE OF CHUCK, they don’t deserve happiness, do they?  My sarcasm game is strong tonight and I’m not sorry.

Chuck used to write the stories. But the guys took the reins and decided that they’re going to make it up as they go and then Chuck left. Team Free Will has now titled their book, “The Killer Stuffed Dinosaur in Love.” This exchange (see GIF above) is shared between Dean and Cas. While Supernatural isn’t just about Dean, it is often more heavy-handed on his story arc so, suffice to say, this title is about Dean. We’ve had a lot of symbolism of Dean being a vessel, and of his heart being at risk of hurt, damage or simply not having a heart at all. I’m not just talking about being Michael’s true vessel from season’s past. I am talking about what’s to come. Now, we don’t know exactly what is going to happen but we do know a little bit. Dean is going to be making a ‘calls to arms’ decision, stepping up in a big way, and will become possessed if all the foreshadowing is to be trusted (and I think it is, lol). Jensen also stated that it was in the same vein as DemonDean so that makes me believe he won’t exactly be possessed by the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. It will most likely be more in line with what Cas did in S11, allowing a villain (Lucifer) possess him for the greater good (err and mostly Dean, lol). So Dean being likened to a killer stuffed dinosaur? I think it’s safe to say YES. A stuffed dinosaur that looks dangerous on the outside, but is soft and fluffy on the inside? This is another example of something that isn’t what it appears. In the episode, the stuffed animal was a vessel for the trapped ghost of a small boy, who was also a Dean parallel (but that’s a whole other topic), forced to become a killer for someone else’s agenda...... hmmm.... doesn’t sound like Dean AT ALL (note the heavy sarcasm). And it’s a double parallel because, as a small child he was put into a position of a trained killer by his father. And now, as an adult, he’ll be making that choice to become possessed and likely continue being a killer. Good god, this episode was like Inception. But then, in the title, we have the antithesis to KILLER which is LOVE. I believe that Dean’s choice to become possessed will be rooted in love. Who could Dean possibly be in love with? In 13x12 we got Dean admitting that he’s in love and Sam practically rubs his hands in glee over the fact that they were FINALLY going to talk about it... only to find out it was a false love put upon Dean via a curse over someone that Dean most definitely was not in love with. The thing about Dean’s TRUE love is that it isn’t a curse or forced on him. And I believe he’ll become a possessed killer vessel for someone in order to save said love. And I also believe in true love’s kiss breaking curses and I’m still waiting with bated breath for a subversion of The Crypt Scene (”Goodbye Stranger”, ep 8x17).

13x23

“What just happened?” Dean asks, after Lucifer steals Jack’s grace and vanishes with both Jack and Sam.

“The devil just won,” AUMichael replies.

And suddenly Dean is flooded with memories of Endverse. 

Where everybody died and the devil won.

Where Dean was just a shell, hellbent on killing his own brother, who was possessed by the devil. He sacrificed his friends, and Cas--who had always been something more--too. 

In 5x04, Future!Dean told Dean that if he could do it all over again, he’d say yes in a heartbeat. But the Dean of 2009 hadn’t seen all the horror and loss that would lie in his wake through the years, up until the very moment Lucifer stole Jack’s grace and vanished with enough power to obliterate the world. Past!Dean hadn’t lost and recovered Cas time and time again, nor watched his brother go through trauma after trauma... Not like our current Dean, who just got Cas and Sam back from certain deaths. 

Dean has seen what his friends and family are willing to do in order to follow him and he cannot let that happen. For all his preaching about teamwork, and having just given Jack a pep talk about finding a way together, Dean knew in this moment that he is going to take this one for the team, solo. 

He cannot let them all die, not again.

Endverse!Lucifer had warned Dean that no matter what changed--location, time, who was in what meatsuit--that it would always come down to Lucifer taking over their world. The apocalyptic world of Endverse is nigh upon them yet again.

And Dean is oh so very tired of all of this. He’s ready for the world to be safe. He’s ready to retire. He wants to take Sam and Cas to the friggin’ beach. But... it just never works out. Because darkness always looms nearby. 

And Lucifer just happens to be the biggest roach in a long line of evil. He has abused all members of TFW, a being who Dean has seen has wear both Sam and Cas, causing them each severe mental trauma and depression. 

Maybe if Dean finally says yes, it’ll all go away: Lucifer can be defeated so that Cas, Sam, Jack, Mary, and all the world can live. Because, to Dean, he’s feels he’s always been destined to be a tool, the good little soldier. Future!Dean even tried to warn him, impart some wisdom that he had been wrong all along and should’ve said yes.  

But Dean didn’t listen then and the devil never did get defeated. Dean has run from his destiny for so long and now he feels that he’s run out of options, especially when he knows Lucifer is souped up on Jack’s grace which is more powerful than anything they’ve seen archangels or angels dish out.

Dean is willing to let Cas, and everyone else, be angry at him for his choice if it means that the devil gets dead, once and for all. Like he should’ve been years ago.

And so Dean says yes. 

And he kills the devil...

Lucifer is finally dead. He doesn’t win.

Dean wears his heart on his sleeve. And he is heavily influenced by said heart. In The Thing (13x17) Dean just made one of the biggest heart choices we’ve seen him make: isolating himself from the rest of his team (Sam and Cas) in order to protect them. Because he’s terrified of losing them. And this scene was an immediate reminder of what he said in the previous episode, Scoobynatural.   “Cross my heart and hope to d—.”   He didn’t finish it because he didn’t want to jinx himself. This followed after his earlier comment, “I’d take a bullet for that dog.” So in the next episode following Scoobynatural, after finding information on the Seal of Solomon, Dean tosses out a “Jinxies” which seemed so playful in the setting but he’s just jinxed himself and it is just one more clue of what’s to come. 

Many of us, like hounds with a scent, have honed in on that one part of the Qstiel line: “I know who you love…” But there’s a problem with taking a single line out of context: it’s easy to mold it into whatever we want to believe. Non-shippers can make a convincing argument that that one line is about Cas’ platonic love for several people just as easily as a shipper can argue that line is about singular and romantic love.  No matter who you are, what you believe, we HAVE to rewind and look at the FULL CONTEXT. And the full context is whittled down to romantic love. From what we know from canon and from the symbolism, we can easily surmise that Qstiel is referring to a singular and romantic love. 

———————

CAS: SAM AND DEAN NEED ME.

Qstiel: “Oh save it.”                           Qstiel is calling bullshit. What has the narrative of the show been trying to define? Singular versus plural. Romantic versus platonic. And here’s Cas using the excuse that the brothers, as a unit, need him in order to get Qstiel to send him back home.             Qstiel wants Cas to stop lying to himself. This isn’t about Sam. And Cas has no idea if he’s needed. Now Cas does want to be wanted, but only by one human (which we gather from the rest of what is said). It’s time for everyone to appropriately use we/I, us/me, them/him.  Qstiel: “I have tiptoed through all your little tulips.”             Let me save some time and space: read the lyrics to the song here. Flowers are a major symbolic tool in Supernatural. Out of all the things Qstiel could liken Cas’ thoughts to and it’s about TULIPS. Tulips represent true/perfect love with a mythology based on star-crossed lovers, one of which SAILS OFF A CLIFF… uhhh… Dabb? Is that a toss to: “So what, I’m Thelma and you’re Louise and we’re just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”.             So basically, out of everything Qstiel could glean from Cas’ mind, he picks apart Cas’ ROMANTIC THOUGHTS. He doesn’t pick up on power-hungry Godstiel and use that against Cas. He doesn’t talk about Cas’ life before the Winchesters or even about being an angel. Nope, he brings up the tulips (true love) and in the next breath: memories and feelings.   Qstiel: “…your memories, your little feelings, yes.“             This is the second time he says ‘little’. Little tulips = little feelings. Of course, they’re not actually little, especially to an angel. Feelings are a big deal! Using the word ‘little’ is a mockery to Cas’ love. It’s another way to try and make Cas himself feel stupid for thinking his love could be returned (Qstiel mocks Cas’ intelligence several times).              Listen to Qstiel’s tone, too. He’s airing out Cas’ dirty little secret, in a mocking tone and with exaggerated facial expressions. There is no reason to taunt a platonic love. Qstiel is the bully dangling Cas’ deepest secret to use as a weapon against him. He’s mentally, emotionally and physically abusive to Cas in their scenes.             And I don’t know about you, but when I had a secret love or crush, I kept it close to my heart. I would have been mortified had someone violated my mind and treated me like Cas is being treated here. Any other loves (familial, friendships) aren’t a secret and aren’t taboo. If just friends, just bros, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Qstiel: “I know what you hate. (whispering) I know who you love. What you fear.”

            Qstiel didn’t say, “I know you love them.” He didn’t say, “I know those you love.” Everything in these statements is singular and yet packed with complexity: Cas hates not being with Dean, whom he loves, and he fears his love is unrequited. What fear is there in love unless it is a love with great risk to one’s heart?            Qstiel: “There is nothing for you back there, no.”             How can Qstiel get Cas to shut up, lay down and go back to sleep? Why, show him all of the horrible things he has gone through in the name of that (singular) love, of course. Make him believe it is one-sided and not worth fighting to go back to, make him believe his worst fear is truth. Qstiel is lying to Cas here. 

———————

After Cas mentions Sam and Dean, it isn’t, “Oh I know you love them but they don’t love you back.” No, it was, “You think you can fool me into thinking Sam and Dean need you? We both know the truth because I saw inside your head and I saw the ONE you love but it’s a shame he doesn’t love you back. Just go to sleep and forget about him.”

This entire scene was also another, “You have to choose: us or them,” moment for Cas, which of course is also in the singular. Cas can choose himself or he can choose to go back to Dean.   Just as Cas faced Metatron, Naomi, Hannah and other angels, he also faced Qstiel, a cosmic entity masquerading in his God-given body/image and told him to FUCK OFF.

Despite the shit he’s gone through, despite the pain and sorrow, despite possible unrequited love… he still chooses Dean. His LOVE for Dean PIERCES THE VEIL OF DEATH so he can return to him.

It’s always been about one human. Dean is Cas’ weakness. It is all canon and it’s gorgeous.

1). Fruit from the tree in Eden (temptation) 2). Seal of Solomon (“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm.”) 

3). Blood from a HOLY MAN ("The first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in Hell.”)   4). GRACE of an archANGEL?! Temptation…. Love… Blood of a HOLY MAN… grace of an archANGEL. Good grief, sounds mighty familiar.  Okay, before you all spazz, hear me out – I doubt these things will come from Cas and Dean. It’s just the subtext I’m pointing out because… why the hell not?! It’s glorious and it’s not accidental.