#thethoughtsroom

I’m not a very cheerful person, neither am I a optimistic one. On a scale of 1 to 10, my negativity vibes is approximately a hundred. I seem to see my life as the worst one of all, and not gonna lie, I still do. Plenty of people tried to help me get my shit together and get my life back on track. But... you can’t help a person who refused to be helped. 

I know it sounds crazy that I don’t want to be helped, but yes, that’s how negative I am towards life. At some point, I reached to the stage where I often had suicidal thoughts (not trying to brag, just to give you a scenario), disorders that were probably just made up in my head and my life just scares me so much that I wanted to quit everything, block everyone and live off the grid. So that’s what I did...

I switched off my phone, disabled most of my social media accounts, clean my room up by throwing everything that contained past memories ( as in photos, exam papers, marked assignments, report cards etc), I even threw away things that I thought was valuable to me (gifts, diaries, journals) because I literally took a few years to write things in those books, but I can’t them back now, they’re probably in some far away garbage factory. I was basically insane. I was mad at everyone, I know friends that are concerned about me but I didn’t bother to tell them anything that’s happening to me. I filled my youtube playlist with a bunch of sad songs (I had access to the internet through my laptop, as much as I wanted to live off the grid, I still had some important things to do with my laptop so...) and I just played them on repeat, and cry all alone in my room, during the day all the way to the middle of the night. 

I had rapid increase in dreams where I was dying, and at that time, I felt like they weren’t nightmares but signs and messages for me to take action on taking my own life. I ignored about the fact on how worried my parents were and skipped meals. I was just a total mess, but to me, I was “having a break”. That’s when my parents decided to take me out of where I live and bring me to somewhere outskirt. They brought me to literally almost all over the world, but not back to home. They had a theory, they said that I need to forget about everything (precisely) and only keep the important things with me and move on. And I was pretty fascinated by the fact on how happy I have been for the past few weeks and possibly for months/year in the future, I mean they’re theory worked, at least for me. 

While I was clearing my mind, the different places I went to helped a lot, but there were still stuffs cramping my mind. That’s when I found the quiet place project. This website consists of the thoughts room, dawn room, the quiet place etc. It is designed for people to go and empty their mind and just relax. The thoughts room is a place where you can just go and type in your status, anything that you’d like to say, and the things that you type into the “thoughts box” will fall out as if they want you to forget and move on from whatever that’s stressing you. I used the thoughts room most of the time and just basically typed in things that I hate, people that I dislike/hate to the core (we’re humans, we can hate people just like how we are free to love someone,right? don’t judge, hush), and those words would just fall out the box, as if falling out from my thoughts, which reminded me that I can choose to forget unnecessary things and irrelevant people, so I did. 

The dawn room is a place where you can send and receive anonymous messages of comfort. You can send what you intend to say to someone you love or care about when they’re feeling down, and you’ll receive anon messages from people that typed caring messages as well. At least, you know that you’re not alone in the dawn room... 

These websites really helped a lot in clearing minds and finding your inner peace, they have soft music playing in the background as well. Sometimes we really just need to take a break from life, if you really don’t have the time to go on a short vacation, the quiet place project is the kind of place you should go to. Pour your mind and unleash yourself in these rooms, take a deep breath, it’s going to be alright ! Although, I’m still working on making myself better...