#theoriginalladya

His omnitool pinged some twenty minutes later. Kaidan ignored it at first, even knowing that the list of possible contacts was significantly limited while on Horizon, then sighed, knowing that whoever had reached out must have something damn important to say. Blanket pulled down to reveal his wrist, he turned the lights on just enough to get his bearings.

Kaidan sat up and rubbed his eyes, his stubble scratching the palms of each hand as he worked the exhaustion out. If he can't sleep, he might as well work, right?

Pulling up the interface, he navigated to his messages more by muscle memory than sight, and opened the new message without checking the sender. He pressed play and waited. 

Kaidan… Hi.

That snapped him to attention. Eyes properly open now, he looked down and saw Jay recording himself in what appeared to be his quarters. 

Jay. A new message from Jay. That miserable kind of anger welled up inside Kaidan, and he moved to close the message when Jay continued.

I guess I'll start by apologizing. 

He paused the message instead, struggling to process. After all that was said earlier today, he should have expected this. Though he supposed it had been a while since this was even a possibility…

Deep breaths, Alenko. Deep breaths. Give him a chance. It's a recording; you can stop it any time. He exhaled fully, looking back at the man on the screen. You're supposed to be dead, Jay…

Ignoring the way his hand shook, Kaidan pressed play again.

First, sorry I'm recording this drunk. It's… been a day, and while I needed to do this, I couldn't get a word out when I tried sober. 

Jay shot back what looked like a finger of whiskey and poured himself another.

Second, sorry if it looks like I'm drinking too much. Metabolism is even worse since I was… rebuilt…

The last word came out with a vitriol Kaidan hadn't expected. 

If you thought it was hard to get drunk with biotics, try adding whatever fucking cybernetics they fitted me with into the mix. Swear I have to practically hook an IV up to get properly wasted. 

Another shot, another pour. 

Third, the actual important apology here. Reason I'm doing this…

Jay sighed in a way that exuded utter defeat, and Kaidan honestly couldn't remember ever seeing him like this. The night before the mutiny came close: finding Shepard punching his locker and sinking to the floor. 

But this… this was different. 

And it was his fault. 

Fuck, sorry, even drunk this is still hard to do. Heh, apology four before I've even done three… 

Kaidan watched as Jay looked up from his glass and made eye contact, the bags under his eyes a deep bruise that must have been curated over the months he'd apparently been awake. The tears Kaidan saw mirrored his own now.

Instinctively, he turned to hide his scars, knowing as soon as the boy's eyes landed on them, he'd run back to his mother, frightened and screaming. Leaving his shirt off had been the absolute worst idea he’d ever had. He’d struggled with it over and over and now wished he would have worn one; his usual long sleeved tee. Being hot and sweaty was preferable to the fear snaking up his body, rooting him to the spot. He held his breath, waiting for disaster to strike. 

“Jon...hey, Jon. I’m here; it’s going to be okay.” 

Jon didn’t even hear him. 

The boy gazed at the crashed kite, a lone tear escaping from the corner of his eye to roll down a chubby cheek, smeared with what looked like chocolate. Dark brown curly hair blew free in the breeze. 

The world faded away when the boy gazed up at him with wide brown eyes, full lower lip quivering. Jon was sure any minute he’d begin to wail and the wailing would turn to a howl when he finally saw Jon's scars. 

"M-m-my k-k-kite," he stammered in a tear filled voice. He pointed at their feet, in case they hadn't already noticed. But all Jon noticed was the boy's arm, his kite completely forgotten. The arm aiming at the kite was horribly scarred, all the way up to the elbow. The shimmering big brown eyes locked on Jon’s. How do I talk to a child?

Kaidan moved between the two, sitting on the backs of his legs, toes digging into the sand. He smiled at the child, “Let’s check your kite and see how it looks, okay?” 

The boy sniffled, wiped a hand under his nose, and nodded. His mother caught up to them just then wrapping her arms protectively around his shoulders. Breathless, she apologized, “I’m so sorry he’s bothered you.” To her son, her voice was soft and gentle but firm, “Levi, you can’t run off like that without me, okay? And you shouldn’t bother these nice gentlemen.” 

He twisted, trying to free himself from her protective hold, turning to look up at her, “But my k-k-kite! I h-h-had to c-catch it!” He explained in a tear soaked voice. Levi looked back at Kaidan who held the kite, carefully smoothing it out and untangling the string. It appeared to be intact. “Is it okay? Can I f-fly it again?” 

The epitome of patience as always, Kaidan nodded and smiled, gently reassuring him, “I think it’ll fly again. Here you go.” He handed it over, the chubby hands grasping for it with a look of wonder, tears evaporating as if they’d never been. “Thank you!”  

The boy’s mother smiled at Kaidan, echoing her son, “Yes, thank you so much.” 

She glanced over at Jon with brown eyes the same color as her son’s. Her gaze slid over his scars but without shock or disgust. Before she could turn him away, Levi’s glance landed on them as well. Jon tensed, anticipating the inevitable explosion but to his surprise, it never came. 

Levi stepped closer, reaching out. His mother grasped his hand. “Levi!” she reprimanded, “You can’t touch someone without their permission.” 

Crestfallen, he looked ready to cry again. 

To his surprise, Jon said, “It’s okay. I don’t mind.” By the intake of breath at his side, Kaidan was surprised as well. 

But Levi turned the tables on them all. “We have matching scars! Do you wanna touch mine, too?” 

The matter-of-fact question rattled him so much, he couldn’t manage to answer. Levi deflated...until Kaidan reached for Jon’s hand, snapping him out of his trance. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, right Jon?”

“Uh...sure,” he spoke with more conviction than he felt. 

Reaching out with tentative fingers, ashamed of how badly his hand shook, Jon gently let his fingertips glide over them, losing himself in the touch and feel of someone else’s outward trauma. The scars were marled with raised ridges, thin rivers of pale pink in the sunlight. The boy giggled and Jon snatched his hand away, the spell broken.  

Hand still shaking, he started when a warm hand slid around it and squeezed. Kaidan. 

The boy giggled, "That tickled!" 

Inspired by the courage of the small boy before him, Jon sat in the sand so he could be on the same level. "You wanted to touch mine, too, right?" 

Levi nodded, extending his hand but then pausing and looking up at his mother. Realizing the suggestion may have been too forward, Jon looked up at her. She’d been watching them, her son's earlier tears seemed to have found a home in her eyes. Blinking several times, they glistened with unshed tears. She gave her consent to them both with a nod. 

Levi needed no further urging, touching Jon’s scars. It still took every ounce of strength he possessed not to flinch or pull away when those tiny fingers traced every inch of scarred skin. So far no hysterics and as Levi continued to explore, Jon felt his fears ebb away, like waves going back out to sea. He lost himself in the wonder of the child before him, filled with bravery and the absence of doubt. No thought to how the outside world would view him. Jon hoped those values remained through his whole life. 

"They’re all...ribbly," Levi told him. 

"Ribbly, huh?" At the boy's emphatic nod, he chuckled, "I suppose they are." 

"Levi, we need to go." 

The boy gave a very adult sigh, garnering a chuckle from his mother and Kaidan, before leaving. Following his mother back down the beach, he suddenly turned back to Jon, gave a shy grin and wave, turned back and began to run, tossing a ‘bye’ over his shoulder. Their bodies became smaller until they took a path into the trees and disappeared. 

Still trying to wrap his mind around what had happened, he was startled when Kaidan spoke up, "You okay?"

He stood up and brushed the sand off his legs, using the action to get his emotions under control. "Sure, I'm good."

The words were true. Actually, he felt more than good. Never comfortable around people after the mission which had given him the scars and more than a little terrified of their possible reaction, he found himself a little poleaxed by the whole scene. His present fears put into perspective by the naivete of a child. He was smart enough to know moving forward wouldn't be so easy; he still had quite a few giant hurdles to jump over. But it was a start. Doc Chakwas would likely give him one of her knowing smiles when he relayed the story to her. 

"Want some shaved ice?" 

Sounded wonderful. His throat was dry from stress and the sun hung high up in the sky since they'd left their bungalow. The air was hot, humid, and wet. "Yeah. Blue raspberry if they have it." 

Kaidan walked to the vendor while Jon waited, not quite ready to endure more scrutiny of his scars. He came back with two paper cups; blue raspberry for Jon, lemon for him. "Here you go." 

Jon took it, spooning out a bite. Cool and refreshing. "Mmmm, perfect." 

Kaidan quipped, "The ice or me?"

Not missing a beat, Jon leaned over and kissed him thoroughly, "Why, you, of course." 

Kaidan looked at him and laughed, "Your lips are already blue." 

"Guess you'll just have to clean them off then." 

"Mmmm, I'd enjoy that." 

Jon took another bite and licked his lips, making sure they were blue. Kaidan nudged his shoulder, causing them both to stumble and nearly drop their paper cups. He felt happy and content even as exhaustion crept over him from the encounter with Levi. A good outcome but he hadn't noticed how on edge he'd been throughout it all. 

"Ready to head back? We’re on island time now. We can nap if we want to." 

It was almost scary how Kaidan could read him so easily now. Sneaking a sideways look, Jon couldn't tell if Kaidan meant he wanted to take one as well, though he didn't look tired. In fact, he looked like he could spend the rest of the day running around the island. It almost wasn't fair...except the nap was calling him and Jon was powerless to resist its pull. 

"Yeah, a nap sounds good." 

He barely remembered his head hitting the pillow. 

Jon awoke to gauzy curtains swaying gently in a warm breeze coming in from the beach. Their bungalow sat close by, the glass doors to the bedroom taking advantage of the beautiful sunsets and warm, westerly zephyrs. Unwilling to move, he remained in bed, content to enjoy the view out the windows. 

But then the bed dipped behind him and he turned to find an even better view; Kaidan must have taken a nap as well. The sleepy-eyed, tousled-hair look was infinitely more appealing then what he’d been looking at outside. 

"Hey, there." His voice was deep and raspy with the remnants of sleep. Jon could get drunk on that voice. 

"Hey. Looks like you napped a bit too." 

"Yeah. Read a bit before I followed you down the same rabbit hole." He stretched with a yawn, Jon admiring the play of muscles as they moved under his golden skin, a tad darker after walking in the sun. "I'm going to take a shower, then thought we could take a walk before dinner." 

"Shower sounds great but what is it with the constant need to walk? Thought we were here to relax," he grumbled. 

"Oh come on, it’ll be a nice evening stroll. Help you work up an appetite.” 

Voice muffled against the pillow, he countered with, “I can think of better ways.” 

“Oh, so can I but we have plans. Ones I can’t change.” 

With a heavy sigh, Jon flopped out of bed and followed him into the bathroom. Not usually the one to instigate sex, he nonetheless tried to take advantage, but Kaidan’s ‘plans’ didn't include shower sex. 

And damned if it didn’t have him more than a little curious about what those plans were.

Freshly showered and dressed island style, which for them meant barefoot and shirtless with cargo shorts, Kaidan walked outside, calling back over his shoulder, "Lets go. We can watch the sun set as we walk." 

Dazzling white sand, warm from a day in the sun, was soft beneath their feet. The fronds of the palm trees swayed gently against a sky turning golden with the glow of the sun, just beginning its descent towards the horizon. 

Kaidan reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together and Jon felt a comfortable peace steal over him for the first time in...well, ever. He gazed at their hands and knew he wouldn’t change his life right now for anything. 

Before leaving the resort area, they stopped to purchase a couple of drinks; colorful, frozen, fruity things with umbrellas in them. They even came in a coconut shell. Jon drank his too fast through the straw, getting a brain freeze for his trouble. 

He stumbled, Kaidan grasping his hand tight and pulling back, trying ot keep him from falling. Jon looked down, surprised to see seashells in the shape of a heart. “Hey, look Kaidan. D’you see this?” 

“A heart made from seashells. Wonder who made it?” 

“I don’t know but someone was creative. I hope the tide doesn’t wash it away.” 

“It would be a shame, wouldn’t it.” 

There was something different in his voice but Jon couldn’t figure out what. Before he had a chance to mull it over, Kaidan pulled him forward. A few meters further and Jon saw a heart drawn in the sand. Surprisingly, it remained untouched by the waves. Inside it had been etched the words - once in a lifetime love. 

“Another heart. Someone went to great lengths to let them know they’re loved.” 

“Yeah, they sure did. Kinda reminds me of our message bottles, you know?” 

Jon gazed at him steadily, “Yeah...I suppose so.” 

Could it be Kaidan? No, there hadn’t been time for him to get away and do all this. 

They strolled at a relaxed, leisurely pace. Kaidan sipped slowly at his frozen drink while Jon had already finished his. 

Out of the blue, he asked, “You ever think about what you want to do with the rest of your life?” 

Jon gazed out over the ocean, watching as the sun began to color the underside of the white clouds floating lazily across sky in pastel hues of blue, pink, lavender and orange. The colors reflected in the ocean, all melding together in the current. He took a moment to think about Kaidan’s question. What did he want to do with the rest of his life? 

“I...I guess I haven’t, really. Have you?” 

“Well, I planned it around a career I thought I’d have the rest of my life. Spent the last thirty plus years focusing on one specific goal. Guess I didn’t really think about or plan beyond it.” 

Jon nodded, “I understand. Same thing for me, I suppose.” 

“Then, just like this,” he snapped his fingers, “it’s all gone. How do you start over? Where do you go and...with who?”

“With...who?” 

“Yeah...with who. I mean, I’ve never had a serious relationship before, guess maybe I’m choosy or...or patient--” Jon snorted and Kaidan bumped him in the shoulder with a quiet chuckle. 

“Patient, huh?” The laughter left his voice, “You are patient, Kaidan. Endlessly so.” Almost embarrassed at what he was admitting, his words were quiet, almost lost in the surf nearby, “ I mean, you have been - you are - with me.” 

Dusk had begun to fall in earnest and Jon wondered why they hadn’t begun to head back for dinner. Kaidan was quiet, not exactly out of the ordinary, but he seemed unusually introspective tonight. 

“I think what I want - something I’ve never truly found - is a deeper relationship with someone I...care about.” 

Jon swore his heart stopped for several seconds before it began beating again. Kaidan...was...he cared about someone? Rattled as his thoughts were, the one his mind latched onto was…’not me.’ 

“You...” his voice cracked on the single syllable and he coughed, tried again, “you care about. So, what you’re trying to say is--”

Kaidan stopped and turned to face him, never letting go of his hand, stopping Jon’s flow of words. He hadn’t noticed they were in a clearing. Tiki torches glowed softly in the dark, the sun finally having tipped over the horizon. 

A canopy had been set up over a single dining table set with plates and glasse. Next to it were covered serving dishes, a bucket full of ice to keep a bottle of champagne cold. Lights were twined around the canopy, adding to the glow of the torches. A radio played music softly. The scene was stunning, beautiful and Jon was thoroughly confused. 

At least, until he saw a heart drawn in the sand in front of the canopy with the words Love for a lifetime. 

He wasn’t sure what was happening, though it became clear rather quickly. 

Kaidan went down on one knee, “Jon, I love you with all my heart. After all the time we’ve been together I’ve realized I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without you.” Pulling a ring from the pocket of his shorts, he held it up. “Will you marry me?”

Stunned into silence, he stared at the ring, up at Kaidan, back to the ring. It was incredible: Trimmed in gold on the top and bottom, in the middle was a double row of waves in white. 

Mind crowded with thoughts, he knew Kaidan was getting more anxious with every passing second. Why would this man, so...so perfect, want to spend the rest of his life with...him? He was broken. Oh, he loved Kaidan, had realized it months ago, but never expected he’d want to stay and would just move on the day his endless patience finally ran out. 

But it hadn't and he was still here, right now...waiting on an answer. 

"Hello? Jon?" 

He searched the anxious brown eyes, saw nothing but honesty and love. 

"Yes, Kaidan. I will." 

A song came on and Jon thought the lyrics were perfect: 

I'm diving into the deep end

And I'm not scared, I'm not scared

And I've been way over my head

And I'm not scared, I'm not scared, no **