The pain was beyond words, and Cas had been screaming for so long that he wasn’t even sure that noise was even coming out anymore. He could feel the bones breaking as his wings were torn from his body, could feel the ligaments ripping as they were pulled away from his body, the last thing to disconnect was the nerve cords running through the wings and that was when Cas finally passed out. When he finally woke up everything was blurry, the bed was too hard and the colors were too dull; his throat was thick and raw and his head was throbbing.
“Hey, Cas, it’s okay; I got you buddy.” He barely had the energy to let out a sob as Dean picked his body up so his sweat soaked body was leaning against him. “Shhh, Cas.” The sounds coming out of the fallen angel were torturing Dean into almost crying himself. “I promise I’m gonna take care of you, I promise you’re going to be okay.”
The words were overpowering to Cas’ ears, which were suddenly so empty of the sound of his brothers and sisters that it made him cry even harder. Gripping the bed sheets beneath him was the only movement he could manage as he let out scream after scream; the white hot throbbing from his shoulder blades, and the realization that maybe he wasn’t ready to leave his family yet causing him so much agony that he fading out of consciousness once again.
Dean didn’t know what to do anymore, Cas had come and gone for the past day and a half and nothing seemed to be helping. The bandages on his back had to be changed four times already because the blood had kept seeping through until finally it seemed to slow down enough. His voice was so hoarse from the screaming that when he babbled incoherently while floating in and out of consciousness Dean could barely decipher what was said. The thing that made Dean really break down though, really made him lock himself in the bathroom for ten minutes so he didn’t have to hear it, was that Cas never stopped crying. The tears never stopped streaming down his face; the sobs never stopped racking his body, and the whimpers never stopped coming.
“Cas, buddy, please. I need you to wake up. I need you to be alright.” Dean had been hovering over Cas for three days, pleading to deaf ears and worrying over his limp body. On the fifth day, Cas finally opened his eyes for good when Dean was in the shower, and he was even able to push himself to sit against the headboard.
“Dean,” he croaked out the words and wasn’t even sure Dean would hear him at all but ten seconds later the hunter ran over to the bed, towel wrapped loosely around his waist and water dripping from his head.
“Do you want some water? I can make you something to eat? How are you feeling?” Dean had to look of a frantic mother as he fussed over Cas, checking to make sure he was okay.
“Water would be good, thank you.” Five seconds later Cas had a water bottle placed against his lips and Dean was slowly tipping it back so he could drink from it.
“Chuck dropped off some pain killers, he said they should work.” A few pills were placed in his mouth and he swallowed them down, nodding slightly. “I’ll make you something to eat, just rest.”
And that’s how it went, Dean watched over him while Cas took his pills and curled into a ball in bed. He managed to get Cas to eat every couple days, and even managed to make him get out of bed and go for a walk once. Sam would stop in from time to time, and try to get him up and do something fun. But it never worked, he would only respond to Dean; every night he would hold Cas in his arms while he cried. He was slowly being dragged down, tossed around in the waves of depression and the silent torture of his new mind. He missed the voices of his siblings, missed the feeling of being Castiel who was the size of the Chrysler building and had the ability to pull loved ones out of hell. He felt so weak and powerless, so…human. He wanted his father back, wanted to have faith that things were going to be okay, but that seemed to slip out when his grace was ripped from him.
“Cas, I need you to get out of bed tomorrow, please.” Dean whispered the words into Cas’ hair as he rubbed his back.
“What’s the point?”
“I need you, Cas. You have no idea how much I need you to be okay. I promised you that you would pull through this; I promised everything would be okay. But I need you to make an effort here, man. I…I love you, and I can’t stand to see you wasting away.” Cas lay there for a few more minutes, silent, as he tried to force the dark waves away from his mind. He was afraid that, maybe, if he didn’t try then Dean would eventually give up, wouldn’t hold him close and comfort him. If Dean ever went away then Cas didn’t think he could survive this.
“Okay.”
