#thelastpiece

The hardest thing for me is hearing the recent truth of how I got to this place. Now 11 years into my initial cerebral palsy diagnosis, there is one last piece of the jigsaw to add, that I couldn’t have foreseen or anticipated without looking at my life in detail.

Looking into what we deal with that we don’t even know about is hard, made harder when we learn the facts behind the deeds and come out with an altogether thinking about those who were responsible for what we got to deal with growing up.

I don’t pave over the cracks there is no point. Instead, I see and understand the facts. As my story shows, it’s perfectly doable, but will never make for comfortable reading, particularly when you're looking at 5 decades of trauma. We have to want to work through trauma.

So, as parents we have to want to make a difference for our children. I was aware of what my father thought, but I wasn’t aware of what mum thought until now, and it’s not easy. A child doesn’t ask to be born, but as parents we have to want to make a difference.

Any parent’s relationship with their child is central to life, but even more so a mum. They are predominately nurturers. If a child is supported throughout his or her early life, that child will grow up with happiness in his or her heart. As ‘my story’ shows when that doesn’t happen, mental and emotional struggles will ensue.

But parents have to want to care about themselves, before they can care about their children. As they say, we can all parent, but that doesn’t make us good parents.

“The Last piece of your Memory”

Sa dinami-dami ng ating mga nakalipas na ala-ala noong tayo pang dalawa, ito na lamang ang natira. Ang huling piraso ng ating kahapon na hindi ko matapon-tapon.

Sa dinami-dami ng mga sulat at litrato mong sinunog ko, kaharap ang bagong nobyo ko, heto na lamang ang naitabi ko sa mga ibinigay mo.

Ang tagal na ng panahon, simula ng pinaghiwalay tayo ng pagkakataon. Pero tanda ko parin ang sinabi mo noon, na sa dinami-dami ng nakarelasyon mo, sa'kin mo napiling ibigay ang bote na ‘to. Na may lamang pulbos na napakatagal mong itinago, dahil ito ay importante sayo. Importante, dahil para sana iyan sa pumanaw mong unang minahal. Kaya sinabi mo sa sarili mong ang huling babaeng mamahalin mo ay ang pagbibigyan mong muli nito. Dahil para sa'yo, siya na ang makakasama mo habang buhay. Pareho nating inakalang ako na ‘yon. Kaso… Nagkamali tayo, hindi pala ako ang babaeng iyon. Hindi pala ako ang babaeng makakatuluyan mo at nakatadhana sa'yo.

Paulit-ulit tuloy naglalaro sa'king isipan, Na isauli sa'yo ang huling piraso na ito, dahil ito ang kailangan. Para maibigay mo na ito sa tamang babaeng mamahalin mo sa kasalukuyan. Yung babaeng susunod mong magiging kasintahan.

Matagal kong hinintay ang pagbabalik mo, ngunit bakit kung kailan napagod na ko at nadakit na ng iba ang puso ko, saka ka pa bumalik? Huli na ang lahat. Dahil halos mag-a-apat na taon na pala tayong hiwalay, kaya sana pilitin mo naring mawalay sa pag-ibig natin noon na walang humpay. Kaya wag ng pasaway yang puso mo. Dahil kailanman, di na mababago ang nais ko. Siya na ngayon ang bagong tinitibok ng puso ko.

Isasauli ko na ang huling piraso ng pagmamahal mo, upang mapalago at maibigay mo ito ng buo sa tamang tao. Na talagang makakatuluyan mo at makakasama mo habang buhay.