if you don't hear from me ever again it will be because my workplace failed to secure maintenance for a sunday night that has forty fucking check ins and I am probably in jail for murdering someone
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if you don't hear from me ever again it will be because my workplace failed to secure maintenance for a sunday night that has forty fucking check ins and I am probably in jail for murdering someone

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The past couple of years I have really struggled with feeling like my brain and vocabulary is just, downgrading constantly. Like I just can't 'word right' two thirds of the time. and it is so frustrating and disheartening. I keep writing because it is my coping mechanism and because I want to combat this feeling, but I truly do feel dumber half the time these days. like I just don't know how to use language, how to articulate thoughts. like there's some kind of mental disconnect going on. It's been flaring up bad the past few days as I try to work on my assignment fic, but I am trying to power through.
guess who is finally getting an iron transfusion next week to hopefully fix their dangerously low iron levels
if y'all notice me active on this site after 4pm pls feel free to message me and ask me why i'm not writing
ok once spouse goes to work I am going for a walk, getting a shower, fixing myself a nice, balanced snack plate and an assortment of beverages, and then I am settling at the PC for a looooong writing sesh. gonna lock tf in today.

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still sick but I am free from work for two months and today I finally had the energy to fix hot tea and also ramen. I've had both, including 80% of the broth, am settled with a soda and some water, a box of tissues, my gothic writing playlist going, and it is time to start 2026 properly. *cracks knuckles*
I am done. I cannot do another summer of this job. I just can’t.
everything is terrifying on a personal and national and global scale but dammit, I am trying to cling tightly to the little shreds of optimism and hope I have left in me
I am trying to get my shit together. I am trying to keep going and pick myself back up and not get discouraged and derailed to the point of giving up on what progress I have, miraculously, made. and it is so damn hard, but what's the alternative?
as small as it might seem, I have made progress and I have started some healthier habits and found little slivers of happiness and joy and as hard and exhausting as it is to keep working so hard for them, losing them will hurt even more.
it shouldn't be this hard. it shouldn't be this exhausting. it shouldn't be this painful, but this is all I've got