#thegurdyroot

If you’re a chaser, then you’ve definitely experienced these. If you’re a chaser who hasn’t, take one from my man Troy Bolton and get your head in the game.

1. When you score for the first time

2. When you get a fast break

3. When you get tackled by that one huge keeper. (There’s always one)

4. When you make a good shot but the keeper swipes it away at the last second

5. When you get beat in the face for the first time

6. When your teammate makes a great pass to you, but you drop the quaffle

7. When you hear “No beater!!!!”

8. When you score right before your seeker gets the snitch

1.      When you see the rest of the team

First Time Player

Don’t worry, you’ll soon make friends.

 Veteran Player

It’s been weeks, if not a few months, since you saw your best friends and you couldn’t be more excited.

  2.      When you start your warm up run

First Time Player

Did you know you had to run for this?

 Veteran Player

Maybe all of that time spent catching up on Netflix wasn’t such a great idea.

3.      When everyone splits up into their positions

First Time Player

Beater? Chaser? What does this mean?

 Veteran Player

Beaters this way!

  4.      When you get on your broom

First Time Player

I promise, it’s not as hard as it looks.

 Veteran Player

You’re more graceful on your broom than off it tbh

5.      When you start doing drills

First Time Player

“You want me to do what?”

 Veteran Player

You’ve done these drills so many times, you could do them in your sleep.

 6.      When you scrimmage for the first time

First Time Player

We’ve all been there. It’s ok.

 Veteran Player

Finally getting to the good stuff.

7.      When practice is ending

First Time Player

It’s time to leave already?

 Veteran Player

1.      Quidditch is an actual sport. Come prepared to exercise.

2.      Be ready and willing to learn new things.

3.      All skill sets are welcome- don’t get discouraged if you don’t know everything.

4.      Yes, you will have to run with a broom between your legs. No, it’s not as hard as it looks.

5.      It’s not necessarily a Harry Potter fan club. It’s for Potterheads and Non-Potterheads alike.

6.      It is a full contact sport. There may be bruises. It’s normal.

7.      Make sure to look around at the rest of your teammates. Chances are you will date, or at least hook up with, one of them.

8.      Remember that quidditch is all gender and all sexuality inclusive. Refer to #2.

9.      Respect yourself. Respect your teammates. Respect the sport.

You may have told everyone you were quitting. Maybe you stepped down from whatever position you hold. Maybe you even graduated and thought you might move on from quidditch like a normal person should be able to do. But here are all the reasons why that is absolutely not possible. 

1) Where else are you going to use your extensive knowledge of all the rulebooks (dating back to Rulebook 6)? Literally no one but the quidditch community is going to care how stupid blue cards are. You’ve gotta stay.

2) Playing gives you an escape from your ‘real world’ adult life. Do you really want to be completely in-tune with the mundane job that life throws at you while you try to pay back your student loans?

3) You’ve invested way too much time and energy into your team. And lets face it--you love those nerds.

4) Quidditch is your life, and you really wouldn’t want it any other way. Sure there are other things to think about, but when it comes down to it, nothing feels better than dodging a sweet beat or getting a successful fast break.

5) You’ve made so many long distance friends from tournaments (& etc.) how could you ever give them up? Sure, you could use “social media” but lets be honest, it’s so much easier to catch up every month or so at a tournament.

6) You’ve been around so long that people all over the region know who you are. Are you really going to give up that kind of notoriety? 

7) You’ve TRIED to retire, but honestly, every time you finally make yourself leave, you find that you imagine hitting far more people with face beats in every day life. Give up and finally admit it: you need quidditch. 

In quidditch, as in life, winning is the shit. At a recent tournament, hosted by the Bulldogs, teams rose and fell in successions. Team Fly rose above them all to cinch a win (120*-100) against their long-time rivals and fan favorite, Team Baller, in the finals. After the team's celebration and after-game speeches were finished, each member of the team was rewarded for their prowess on the pitch with gold-plated medals.

What first seemed like a gift of goodwill from the home team soon took a turn for the worst. Engraved into the back of these medals was Quaffle Invitational,  the name of a tournament that the Bulldogs themselves won three months ago.

Those left at the tournament were outraged. Several of the winning players had to be restrained from presumably starting fights with the home team. The shouts from both the remaining spectators and players overpowered any pleas from the home team to calm down.

When asked, the captain of the home team, Sara Neil, called for peace. “We didn't think it would be a big deal,” she said with a shrug. “They're just medals. People should be grateful that they got anything.”

The winning team told a different story. “We worked hard for this tournament,” Charlie, a chaser on Team Fly said. “Sure, a little recognition would be nice, but we would have preferred anything over re-gifted medals. That's just disrespectful.” At this, both teams began yelling unintelligibly. Some players began to break free of the restraining team members and civilians.